Chapter 12 ; Dinner, Starlight and Reluctant Farewells
" And I found love where it wasn't supposed to be
Right in front of me
Talk some sense to me "
- I found, Amber Run
The horizon was an assortment of amber and gold, their light draping over the trees as they danced against the evening breeze rolling down the valleys. The sun was beginning its journey home, and so was Jin Ae.
Aerin glided beside her, her footsteps so light it seemed as if she was floating. She was barefoot, her slender feet making no noise as they trudge through the stone path. Jin Ae must admit,it was weird to pair her elven dress with the standard black heels she had worn on Michael's funeral service. It gave her a few inches to match the elf maiden's height, and they clicked against the surface with every step she took.
" Do not fret," Aerin smiled, taking another look at her dress, " You look beautiful, Jin Ae."
" Thank you, Aerin," Her voice was quiet as the chilly breeze grazed her skin, sending goosebumps throughout her body.
They arrived by a balcony, filled with three separate round tables. The setting was lovely, they were not far from a waterfall and the canopies above them hung high in a cluster of green and red. The melody of flutes and harps filtered through the air, creating a tranquil scenery that soothed her heart. She could hear the company's laughter booming from their tables and she caught sight of a flustered Kili, his ears burning as he looked down sheepishly while the others burst into a guffaw.
She cocked her head curiously at the scene, wondering what could've made the usually flirtatious and confident dwarf blush cherry red. She walked up to the steps, catching Elrond's line of sight.
" Lady Jin Ae," He smiled, beckoning her to join his table " Nice of you to finally join us."
Everyone turned their heads to look at the presence of the newcomer, even the elves have turned to look at her. They gave her a small nod, parting as she made her way towards the empty chair across Elrond, between Thorin and Gandalf. They seemed to be at one of the higher tables, while the rest sat comfortably against chairs that reminded her of beanbags.
She flashed a smile at the company, who beamed back at her. They seemed to be pleased with the knowledge that she's safe and from the corner of her eyes she could see Thorin eying the small cut against her collarbone, the one caused by the orc chase.
" Thank you for inviting me to dinner Lord Elrond," She grinned, fiddling with her hands, " And for your hospitality as well, Aerin has been most kind to me."
She turned to look at her friend, who had picked up a flute to join her sisters. Elrond raised his chalice at her, " It was my pleasure, please join us and sit."
Although the sleeves of her dress are long and modest, the fabric wasn't thick enough to stop the wind from kissing her skin and she slightly shifted in her seat. It was beautifully made, the sleeves were long and wide at the end, making it quite difficult for her to eat in, but she found her way nonetheless, digging into her salad happily.
She looked at Thorin, who didn't seem to be touching his plate, neither was Gandalf and Lord Elrond and she finds this very awkward. She was afraid to come off as rude but her stomach let out a small growl, causing her to not protest against it and continue one. They were discussing their sword, unsheathing the blades and naming them.
"This is Orcrist, the Goblin Cleaver," He hummed approvingly at Thorin's sword, examining it under the last rays of sunlight, " A famous blade, forged by the High Elves of the West, my kin. May it serve you well."
He hands Orcrist back to Thorin, who accepted it with a curt nod.
"And this is Glamdring, the Foehammer, " He took Gandalf's, "sword of the King of Gondolin. These swords were made for the goblin-wars of the First Age."
Elrond's voice fades into the background as she caught Thorin's eyes, he didn't avert his gaze, catching her own. He didn't have his wolf pelt on, revealing the blue tunic underneath. She could see muscles rippling underneath the fabric and the absence of his cloak didn't make him look any less intimidating, despite being a dwarf he was well built and quite tall she noticed, years of battle and hard work etched on his figure. When they stood, he was on eye level with her, which means he wasn't so short ( or maybe she was short)
She averted her eyes upwards and saw that he had been admiring her dress as well, his eyes roaming around the garment.
She cleared her throat and his eyes snapped upwards.
"You're not eating?" She whispered, leaning towards him.
"No," He replied gruffly, " Not after everyone's done."
She looked back to see that some of the company are still eating, Ori, for instance, was still struggling to eat his bowl of lettuce. Bombur looked like he couldn't stomach another bite, which she finds amusing considering that he's usually the one with an appetite. She realized that it must be a leader's habit, of eating only after everyone's had their fill.
Her heart warmed at that thought.
She struggled to say anything else, waiting for him to continue on the conversation, but he only looked at her, his gaze unwavering. She flickered her eyes towards the harp, trying to shrug off the awkward stretch of silence, she was frustrated at how difficult this was. This was her chance to talk to him, to get to know him. This was the only exchange they had without any of them scolding the other, except for the one where he had caught her by the troll cave and praised her.
Yet he didn't say anything else afterward, he simply stalked off to examine the cave once she was back on her feet, leaving her dazed and confused. She was about to come up with another small talk when Elrond's voice grabbed their attention.
" And what were you doing on the Great East Road?"
Thorin looked perturbed, refusing to answer as he pushed the chair and excused himself. Elrond didn't seem to be surprised, not even disappointed. Perhaps he knew this was coming, dwarves were after all secretive and Elrond was smart enough to know why he was the last person he'd want to share his quest with.
Jin Ae let out a sigh.
" Thirteen dwarves, a Halfling and a woman," He raised his glass to his lips, " Strange travelling companions Gandalf."
" These are the descendants of the house of Durin!" Gandalf reasoned.
Jin Ae watched Thorin disappear into the hallways, his footsteps echoing down the walls before vanishing. She turned back to Elrond, who was watching her curiously.
" My lady, you said you are not from around here?" Elrond questioned.
" No, Lord Elrond," She explained, " I'm not from Middle Earth and I don't think I'm from anywhere in your world either. I'm not quite sure how I got here; all I know is that I need to find my way back home. I feel as if a great force has brought me here, something beyond my knowledge, I was hoping you might help me.
There was a glint in his eyes that she can't differentiate from either fascination or understanding; he seemed to be unsure of what he was thinking, his fingers lightly tapping the chalice. She then heard a commotion rise from behind her and she saw Bofur climb on the table tops, belching out a song. Soon enough the others joined and created a scene, tossing food around, a piece of bread almost hit her, but she ducked quickly and it flew right past Lord Elrond, who seemed just as horrified as he was confused.
The elves stopped playing their instruments, backing away from the rowdy bunch. A plate of mashed potatoes flew right next to Lindir. Jin Ae can't help but smile into her glass despite the looks of terror the elves shared with one another.
The full moon stood proud and tall among the ocean of stars, the light twinkling like gems, illuminating the night. Jin Ae couldn't take her eyes off the view as it beckons her to watch it shine, she placed a hand on her cheek, resting against the railings as the wind combed through her hair. Her mind was plagued by thoughts of her past and she couldn't push away the images of Michael away from her head, his blue eyes and laughter haunting the crevices of her mind.
She wanted nothing more than to rejoice at his memory, but she finds it difficult to do so, her mind jumbled up by all the bittersweet memories they have shared.
Michael Hawkins died on her hospital bed, a bullet buried deep in his heart. His uniform had been stained with blood and so were her hands as they cradled his head to her chest. She could still remember the machine by the bedside, beeping erratically before flatlining, the noise still haunts her until today.
She imagines Thorin, meeting the same fate and her heart quenched painfully at the image. She rubbed her hands across her face, exhaling shakily. She could hear footfalls approaching from behind and she immediately tried to dry her tears, not wanting Aerin to see her on the verge of crying again.
Yet it wasn't Aerin who decided to stand next to her.
Thorin stood silently next to her, staring at the distance. She quickly dabbed her fingers across her lashes, sniffing once before straightening her back. She turned to him and it was only then did he pull his eyes away from the waterfall.
" Good evening," She greeted, crossing her arms together to block out the cold of the night.
" Good evening," He nodded back, placing his hands on the railing. He didn't look so tense, he looked more relax under the moonlight. His glorious mane drifting against the wind lightly as his eyes soften under the starlight. She noticed the way his blue eyes reflected the dark clouds and she wanted nothing more than to get a good look at it, yet she knew it was unlikely that he'd let her stare into his eyes.
Minutes stretched between them and for a passing moment the once comfortable silence turned awkward and she cleared her throat, breaking the tension, "Don't worry, your highness, you don't have to deal with me anymore starting tomorrow. I won't bother your company anymore once I go home."
The words came out of her harsher than expected, but it was what it was. It was meant to be said as a joke, yet just as she feared he took it differently, he took it seriously. She figured middle earth doesn't share those kinds of humor, but she doubt it was the cultural differences, she had heard his sarcastic remarks and she had heard others do it before, so she was, to say the least, surprised to see him look down at her in confusion.
" Forgive me," He finally said, bowing his head to stare at his hands, " I meant no offense. I may not have been so kind to you, but I can assure you it was never because I see you as a burden."
" No?" She pressed on.
" No," He repeated more firmly, " This quest is dangerous and I do not want you to be a part of it. If I have the choice to decline 's service to the company I would. Yet, he signed the contract out of his own will. I cannot argue with him nor Gandalf, this quest is far greater than what you know and if this is the only way then so be it."
The wind began to pick up its pace, gently howling down the slopes of the hillsides. In the distance she could hear the soft ringing of a bell as it swayed across the wind, it was the only sound to accompany them tonight.
" I understand," She nodded, " I forgive you."
There was nothing else to say, he was right. This quest can potentially kill you, there's no running away from something like this. Bilbo signed that contract and he is now legally bound to the company. It means his fate is also legally bound to the fate of the company, whether he lives or die, the decision is in their hands, in Thorin's hands.
He is the one leading them to reclaim Erebor, he is the one responsible for the lives of twelve dwarves and a Halfling, that kind of burden is an explanation to why he acts the way he does. All that anger, scowling and arguing is him silently pleading to the gods to not take his men. Not even the gods above can tame his rage, not when they forced the birthright of a king onto his hands the day he was born.
" Thank you for trying to protect me," She sighed, " But you should know that no matter how much you'll try to push me away, I'd still join you on this quest."
" Is that so?" He asked.
" Yes," She admitted, " because you've had everything taken away from you. No one deserves to live in exile and no one deserves to fight this kind of battle alone, not even you. I may not know you that well, Thorin Oakenshield, but you're a great king and even better, a good one, who'll fight for their people. If I get hurt, I wouldn't want you to blame yourself, it was my decision, I wanted to fight for you. No one can take that away from me, from your people."
" Even if I forbid you, you'd still come along ?"
He searched her eyes for any trace of dishonesty, but all he saw were her own whiskey eyes staring back at him sincerely.
" I'd sneak around and only reveal myself halfway so you can't go back to return me."
That earned her a small smile and she could feel her heart flutter triumphantly at the achievement, she decided that she liked to see the son of Thrain like this. Another moment passed by, this time the tension had thinned around them and silence settled itself comfortably between the pair.
" Don't you have anyone to go back home to?" Jin Ae asked, not able to hold back the question any longer, " Someone to go home to?"
" I do," He answered, " I have my sister waiting for me in Ered Luin."
" Kili and Fili's mother?" Jin Ae titled her head. She had heard about Ered Luin. The Blue Mountains or 'Ered Luin', was a mountain range situated in the far west of Eriador. It was where Thorin and his father have led their people and they have created a prosperous settlement over the years, yet she knew it will never feel like home. Not even that can take away the fact that they were driven away from their kingdom.
" Aye, she was reluctant to let her sons go, if I do not come back to her to deliver her sons myself she would threaten Mahal himself to bring me back so she could kill me for herself."
She covered her mouth, grinning at his newly found sense of humor. She shook her head, smiling at the thought of a dwarf woman strangling Thorin as the two boys watched in horror, the scene was enough to send her laughing. He watched her, amusement in his eyes as he cocked an eyebrow at her.
" That's lovely."
Thorin raised his eyebrows higher and gave her a knowing look.
" I meant she's lovely, your sister she sounds like a great woman," She added, " No woman waiting back home ?"
When he didn't answer she was afraid that she had crossed the line and she squirmed, trying not to cringe at her own forwardness. She knew it was probably taboo for dwarves to share such personal information to others, much more someone outside their race, Jin Ae was even outside their realm. She was a true outsider who had no business asking a king about his love life.
She didn't want to wait for him to reprimand her or lecture her about being impolite, so she opened her mouth to apologize, but stopped when he answered her question.
" No," He sighed, " Not anymore."
She clipped her lips, fiddling with the fabric of her dress.
" I'm sorry to hear that," She decided to leave it on that, not wanting to ruin the conversation. She won't ever forgive herself if she would ruin a nice evening with Middle Earth's most stubborn resident, ruining a once in a blue moon chance is equivalent to committing a seven-grade sin.
" Lord Elrond told me to meet him later tonight, he wants to try to send me home before sunrise," Jin Ae shared, trying to draw the topic away and change the mood into a lighter one, " I guess this is goodbye. I'll have to tell the others I'm leaving too."
" Aye, goodbye lady Jin Ae" His voice was thick like gravel, " I wish you luck on your journey home."
" Thank you," She whispered, trying to memorize his face. It was the first time he had addressed her by her name and she can't help but want him to say it again, it felt right, comforting even to hear him say her name, " I appreciate everything you've done, may you reclaim your home and bring joy to your people. Maybe by the end of it, you'll find someone special as well."
The goodbye was meant to be a celebration party for her, she was supposed to be grinning ear to ear at the idea of going home, yet she could feel her eyes water and heart quench. She turned to leave him alone, her heels clicking noisily against the marble as she made her way towards the tower. His eyes never left her until she turned to the staircase and she had to hold back the strongest urge to turn her head around and watch him one last time.
Yet she didn't and she finds herself crying by the sixth step.
There was something awfully sad about leaving, it might have been the idea of never seeing Bilbo again or having to say goodbye to new found friends like Aerin, but the voice inside her head couldn't help but confess that it was going back to a world where there was no Thorin Oakenshield.
Jin Ae was afraid the voice was right.