Thanks for all your amazing feedback on the last chapter! So, this is a super fat update for me! I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter and I know where I want to get to with this story, but it's taking me longer than expected. I just get ideas in my head and this one line of speech I need to include somehow morphs into an entire chapter... Ooops. Anyway, enjoy a little Paige in this chapter!
I feel her press against my back before anything else, I'd wanted to stay awake, but I'd ended up falling asleep reading one of Spencer's psychology books. "Hi," She murmurs, her strong arm curling around me, soft hand lacing with mine. My entire body enveloped by everything that is Paige.
"You're back," I yawn happily, leaning my head back and up to claim a kiss, inhaling her scent. I roll over a little to continue kissing those velvet lips that I'd been denied for so long. "How was the meet?" I ask pulling away.
"We did really well." She smiles, kissing me again, reluctant to pull away for even a second. We're at a strange angle so I push myself back against her, pushing her onto her back before I roll over and curl into her chest, legs entwined. She's cold, so I hold her tighter. "The girls swam so well." She hums, I trail my fingers gently over her collarbone.
"Break any records?" I fiddle with the zip on her hoodie. Just having her back feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
"Almost, but not quite. How's your weekend been?" Her fingers twist their way into my hair.
"Lonely." I stroke my hand over her side, reminding myself of every piece of her.
"You've been with the girls almost all weekend," She chuckles.
"I was lonely, not alone." I correct. "I missed you so much, it's actually pathetic." I say seriously, sitting up slightly to look her in the face. God, she's so beautiful. Her eyes shine like they've got stars in them, her cheeks rosy from cold. She sucks her lips into her mouth trying not to laugh, I pat her chest, "Hey! I'm serious, I'm like, damn near dependant on you."
"No, you're not." She laughs, pulling me in for another kiss. "I missed you, too." There's that smile that both makes and breaks my heart. "Also, not cool what you did yesterday." She narrows her eyes teasingly. "So not cool."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," I smirk, knowing exactly what she's talking about.
"Baby," She pulls me further up the bed, I tangle our legs together and she raises her brows.
"Oh." I widen my eyes, like I've just gotten it, I choose to completely ignore the Hanna situation for now, it can most definitely wait. "You mean the photo I sent you? I just didn't want to buy something you didn't like. I thought it was best I checked with you first."
"So thoughtful," She purrs, pushing me into the bed, climbing on top of me.
"Knew you'd appreciate it." I smirk, feeling her gentle lips graze my neck, her leg that rests between mine wanders further up to press against me eliciting a breathy moan from my lips, "Baby," I whine desperately, her lips exploring my skin. My hands tangle in her soft tresses, tugging on it so her lips will meet mine. She shifts again, trying to get comfortable, which only makes me moan again as she presses into me harder, I try to be subtle when I begin to grind against her, finding a rhythm. Our actions a result of hormones run wild, because it's been too long and there's been too much teasing. I know I won't have to endure Paige teasing me, stroking me gently, softly nipping everywhere, tonight. I already know I'll be wearing clothes that cover up 90% of my skin to hide the marks and bruises she'll leave in her lustful wake.
"Someone's keen," She mutters, smirking against my lips. I groan when she pulls away. "Must be hormones," Her lips twist into the sweetest smile causing a sigh to escape my chest, because I know she's talking about a different kind of hormone. I need to tell her.
"Princess," I whisper breathlessly, "Can we just," I want her so much. "… Talk." I pant.
"Em, given that reaction I don't think you're up for talking…" She looks at me suspiciously; her eyes searching mine, which I already know are clouded over with lust and want. She brings a hand up to trail up and down my side, fingering the edge of the soft cotton so she can slide her hand up my shirt, fingers trailing up over my stomach to just under my breasts. I bite my lip and try to keep my cool, but my body betrays me when I arch into the air, desperate for her fingers to inch just a little further up. "I thought you missed me." She kisses my neck again, drawing intricate patterns on my skin with her fingers.
"I did, I do. I just, I want to talk and hold you for a little bit." I duck my head so she can't see me and try to get my hips to stop rolling into her. She can tell how much I want her, God, she can probably feel it, and I know how much she wants me, too. It kills me to deny her this right now, but I have to, because I can't go on letting her think that there's an egg implanted in my uterus wall right now, when she couldn't be more wrong.
"Of course we can." She rolls off me, "But under one condition," I look over to her, "These need to go." She fingers the material of my (her) t-shirt and shorts. I giggle and kiss her cheek, complying promptly.
"You're still cold." I complain once we're cuddling, skin on skin, which admittedly does nothing to stop my resolve crumbling and I guess that had been her reasoning behind us getting naked. Deep down I know I can't be that intimate with her when I'm keeping such a secret from her.
"The heating packed up in my car." She says quietly, "I'll take it to the garage this week. How are the girls anyway?" She asks.
"Hanna and Caleb are good, they're planning Luca's birthday." I smile, excited to see my niece turn three. "It's a princess party, that means dress up. Guess everyone else will get to see you as the princess I see you as."
She lets out a laugh that vibrates through her chest sending shivers down my spine, "We'll have to see about that." Her slender fingers draw random patterns on my skin, "How're Spence and Toby? I spoke to her earlier in the week, she seemed happier. She invited us over on Tuesday."
"Yeah, she asked me too, I said we'd try, but you work late, so…" I leave that open, not wanting to start anther argument, but wanting her to realise how late she works, "They're getting on better now. Spud has taken the attention off a baby for a while so both of them are happy. Spence gets to not have kids for a while and Toby gets a puppy, win-win." I laugh. I'd not told Paige about Spencer's pregnancy, she'd told Toby in the end and as predicted, he'd supported her in wanting to wait.
"Good, it's awful to see them fighting." She's quiet for a moment, "I can't imagine Spencer as a mum." She says thoughtfully, "Not right now anyway, she's just so straight laced, you know? I'm so surprised she let Toby get away with getting a puppy." She laughs again and it tickles my ears and sparks the guilt in me. I'm suitably drowning in guilt when her soft hand curls to rest on my stomach, drawing lazy patterns there. "I think we'll be just the right amount of fun and strict."
"Pay," I sigh, pushing her hand off. "We need to talk." I feel her still beside me, like she already knows what's coming. "I didn't tell you at the time because I thought it would be better if you didn't know. It would only make you upset and you had to leave. I knew you'd want to stay home and you'd skip work, but you can't afford to do that, so I didn't tell you." I ramble shakily.
"Spit it out, Em." She whispers, sadly.
"I got my period. I'm so sorry, baby." I choke out around the lump in my throat. I don't know what hurts more, finally admitting this out loud, or hurting Paige, again. Paige is quiet for a while before she sits up suddenly, throwing her legs over the side of the bed. The temperature in the room seems to plummet and the air thickens. She drops her head into her hands and takes a few deep and shaky breaths. I don't know what to do other than watch. She yanks open her bedside draws and pulls a long white t-shirt over her head. I crawl over to her and just hold her, pressing my chest against her back, hopeful she'll feel my heart racing in my chest.
"Why didn't you tell me? Damn it, Emily." Her voice is shaky.
"I didn't tell you because I knew you'd want to stay."
"You're right and I had every right to, you needed me."
"I need you to keep your job, more." I try, afraid to admit that the real reason is selfish beyond belief, that I just didn't want to have to hurt her, that I didn't want to see her upset.
She sobs for a moment; I rest my cheek against her shoulder and cry with her and for the first time I feel our world properly crumble around us. She sits up abruptly, I turn to check the clock and find it's well after one now and raining hard outside. She storms around the room, pulling on sweat pants and a hoodie.
"Paige, what're you doing?" She doesn't answer, just grabs her sneakers from the closet, sits down on the edge of the bed and starts to tie them in the dark of our room. I scuttle over to her and curl around her back, "Princess," I try, placing a light kiss to her shoulder, "please." I'm begging.
"I'm going to take a drive."
"Let me-"
"Alone." She states with a sense of finality that I can't argue with.
"Please, don't leave me." I whimper, tears leaking down my face. She doesn't look back as she grabs her keys and pulls open the door.
"Go back to bed, Emily." She calls over her shoulder before she shuts the door with unnecessary force, hurries down the stairs and out the front door.
I curl up in our empty bed now and try not to cry, one of us has to be strong and I think I've relied on that being Paige for too long. I'd hated her painfully optimistic attitude before, but now I think I'd rather endure that than see her like this. All I'd wanted was for her to show how much it hurt her, for her to just cry with me for a while. I realise now that that definitely isn't what I want, it's the last thing I want in fact. The effort to not cry drains all my remaining energy and I soon find myself waking up despite not having known I'd gone to sleep. I roll over and check the clock, it's just after four and there's light shining bright under the bathroom door. It's open just a crack and the light filters into the room along with the citrusy smell of Paige's body wash and hot steam. I listen for a beat and for a while the sound of swollen water droplets hitting all surrounding surfaces is all I can hear. It's eerie and being unable to hear Paige makes my heart stop, then beat manically in my chest. I creep towards the bathroom door and just as I'm about to open it I hear her, sobbing gently. I know I shouldn't, but when she starts to talk, I listen in. I can't really make out what she's saying, but it gets clearer after a while and I realise she isn't just talking to herself, but praying.
Paige's religion isn't really something we'd spoken too much about. Obviously her family were very religious and she had been too. Her sexuality had been difficult for her family to accept, but they'd come round eventually. She wasn't as religious as her parents and she'd only been to church a few times since we'd been married, but there are times, when she thinks I'm not watching, or while I'm in the bathroom before bed, where I'll catch her praying quietly. I can hear her now and it feels like such an intimate thing to be witnessing. She's so vulnerable right now and I know she'd hate for me to see her like this, but I stand there anyway.
"Why?" She's crying, "I know I'm not how you intended me to be, but aren't Emily and I everything you wanted? We've never done anything bad or unjust." Her voice cracks, "I know I haven't been to church much, but that was only because I thought you wouldn't want me there. If you're meant to love us all, then why are you doing this? Why are you making this so difficult for us? I promise I'll be kinder, I'll donate more to charity, I'll volunteer at the homeless shelter. Please." I've never heard Paige sound so hurt, so broken and it kills me. I know she'd hate for me to see her like this, so I simply creep back into bed and wait for her to join me. It's some time before the shower shuts off and eventually she leaves the bathroom, she doesn't join me in bed though, simply tiptoes out of the room and closes the door softly. I fight with myself to stay in bed, I know she just needs her space. Before exhaustion takes over, I promise myself I'll talk to her tomorrow. That I'll be there for her like I haven't been these past few weeks where I've been selfish and haven't thought about how she might be feeling, just because she was putting on a smile.