Side kick-Bia1007

Beta- Eggylaine

I come to you in pieces, so you can make me whole

"Come on Dean, come on," Mary chanted as she rocked herself sitting on the chair that would be next to Dean's bed if he was in the room.

It was her turn to be with Dean and John's turn to sit with Sam. Steve had gone home to get some sleep before his next shift started and he told them he would get all the statements from the boys sorted in the best way he could.

"Oh thank god," Mary gasped when she caught sight of 2 nurses wheeling a very groggy Dean in the room. "Is he okay?" she asked them when they replaced the breaks and situated the boy.

"There was a small bleed in his spleen but we've stopped it and as long as he doesn't try to run a marathon anytime soon he should be okay. The oxygen is just to pick up his SAT's a little from the strain his body is under right now but it's nothing serious," the doctor assured Mary motioning to the nasal cannula under Dean's nose.

"Thank you," Mary said then she turned to face the boy.

"M-mmm...smm...mmrr."

"He'll be a little groggy from the anaesthetic but once he sleeps it off he should be feeling much better."

Mary nodded then moved in to hold Dean's hand, she squeezed it tight then cupped the boy's cheek in comfort.

"Close your eyes Dean, get some rest baby."

He nodded as a light smile graced his face and his eye lids closed.

Mary didn't take her hands away when she felt him drop to sleep, her left still cupped the boy's face and her right still squeezed his hand tight for support.

"Sweet dreams sweetheart."

SPN

"Psst, John," Steve whispered at the door waving John to come step out of the room.

"I'll be right back Sammy," John promised, he leaned down and kissed his sons forehead before standing from his chair and walking to the doorway.

"No change huh?"

"No, he won't talk to me, won't move, won't eat...just lays there," John whispered.

"Well I think I have some news that might change that," Steve smiled happy with himself. John didn't seem in the 'ooh what? Tell me, tell me!' mood so he carried on without the guessing game crap, "I pulled some strings-"

"That would be an understatement," Sam's doctor said coming down the hall to join in the meeting. "Your friend here made all my staff come to the conclusion that Sam will be a lot calmer if he gets up to Dean for a few hours, some disagreed but your...friend had ways to pursued them I hear."

"Hey I didn't make any death threats."

"No, you just told them you have a gun and it hurts to get shot in the foot. I say that's enough of a threat to get you suspended, officer."

"Look-" John started, about to scream at the entire hospital for not realising all this was about the boys, not about who can blackmail who into what.

"As it is, I agree, I think Sam needs to be with his foster brother, we can't keep pumping him with sedatives and anxiety meds until he's well enough to be discharged and he's technically allowed to see Dean, something's gotta give sooner or later."

"So he can see Dean?" John asked hopeful but still not totally understanding the woman.

"Yes, he can see Dean, but I want to make a deal with you all first: Okay, number one, Sam must stay in the wheelchair at all times, he's not to get up or move around unless it's for the bathroom, I hear your boys have a tendency to think they're superman."

'Guess she knows about the Dean Houdini stunt.'

"And my second...and last condition is, he can stay up there for an hour, then he comes back to his room and rests. If it goes well today then tomorrow we'll make it an hour and half."

"Thank you...so much, I'll go get Sammy up," John said shaking her hand then practically sprinting back inside the room. "Sam, Sammy come on kiddo, you can see Dean."

"Go'way."

"Sammy, don't you wanna see Dean?" John asked, already picking up Sam's dressing gown Steve had picked up from the house along with several other things for the boys.

"In a body bag? No thank you," Sam mumbled with tears in his voice.

"Sam, buddy, Dean is gonna be fine, just like you are, he's in the PICU upstairs...it stands for paediatric intensive care unit."

Sam didn't like the sound of that, he had no idea what it meant but it didn't sound good.

"It's where all the really sick kids go...like...the ones who can't breathe right or the ones that can't wake up...but don't worry okay Sammy, the doctors have assured us it's just in case, as soon as they know Dean won't need a little help with breathing then he can come down here on a regular ward like you, okay?"

"Why can't he breathe? Only dead people can't breathe!" Sam cried thinking his dad had just spelt it out for him.

"No, no god no Sammy, Dean can breathe but he just needs a little help right now...and if he needs just a little more help he'll be in the best place there. But it's just for a few days, he can breathe okay? Just not as well as he usually can."

Sam held onto those words and prayed his dad was telling the truth.

"A lot of people round here have made a lot of arrangements for you to be able to see Dean, so come on buddy...please?"

Sam sniffled then pushed himself up and only hissed a few times as his dad helped him into the dressing gown and into the awaiting wheelchair.

"Cheer up Sammy, come on, I thought you wanted to see Dean?"

Sam didn't answer, he just looked at his slippers as his dad wheeled him to the lifts.

"John," Steve called so he stopped and turned to listen. "I'll see you tomorrow man, I'm heading home for some sleep before my shift starts. Oh and don't worry about your work or Mary's or the school, I got everything covered."

"Thanks dude, I owe you big time after this is over."

"Nar, just buy me a steak dinner and we're even."

"Deal," John shook his friend's hand then walked into the lift with his son. "Sammy, you know everything's gonna be okay, right sport?"

"........"

"Sam?" John asked again.

"................."

"Okay, save your talking for Dean right?" John smiled, trying to make any kind of conversation but his obviously depressed and traumatised son wasn't having it. "Up to Dean we go."

SPN

"Dean, sweetie, come on wake up...look who's here to see you."

"Mom, he doesn't like people talking to him like that," Sam told his mother who, in his eyes, seemed to be babying Dean.

"Sammy, I was just trying to be nice sweetheart, I know you're sad and I know you're upset but that does not mean you get to throw your manners and personality out of the window okay?"

Sam then mumbled something but Mary didn't quite catch it so she gave him a look asking him to repeat himself.

"You don't know, you weren't there and you don't know Dean."

"Sam, stop it okay, I might not know as well as you, and you're right, I wasn't there baby, but I'm pretty sure Dean wouldn't want you to act this way."

"Act what way?" Sam asked but he knew he was just trying his mom's patience.

"Sam, if you carry on like this then I'm taking you back to your room understood?"

"Sorry," Sam mumbled actually meaning it this time.

"I know you are baby, okay I'm just gonna go call your dad okay?" she kissed her son on the top of his head then left the room quietly.

She wasn't calling John, she wasn't sure what she was going to do for the next ten minutes, she could call John but that defeated the whole object of sending him home to get some sleep stating he could take the next shift with the boys tomorrow.

A few staff members passed her and smiled as she wandered the corridor, some parents of critically ill children were just sitting chatting to their unconscious children like they could hear every spoken word, it was heart breaking and she thanked whoever was up there that sent her son, and foster son back to her in almost one piece.

She had enough of the staring and glaring so she walked on back to the room she left the boys alone in.

She was about to walk in, but the voice, the sniffles, the cries of her baby boy stopped her.

SPN

Sam's mom left the room and he just couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Dean, I'm sorry, I'm really really sorry, this is all my fault! And I don't know what to do to make it better, you probably don't want to live with us...me anymore, but I don't know how to help you if you leave, you'll be all alone and...I'm sorry Dean, I'm really sorry...what if the family that fosters you is as bad as your uncle?"

That thought, and the notion of saying it out loud cut Sam to shreds.

"I'm sorry Dean, I promised not to tell but I did anyway, I'm sorry! P-please don't hate me...please, you're the only friend I've ever had...I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Sam sobbed to the sky needing someone to hear him.

He stood from his chair, did his best to ignore how much his back hurt and shuffled on his fragile toes towards the bed. He pulled Dean's hand in his own and held on tight like the older boy would rip it away in disgust if he was awake.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." the young boy continued to chant.

When tears dripped from his face and onto Dean's cheek Sam was ready to bolt.

But then Dean's eyes opened, he looked up, and when he felt the warm shaking hand holding his, he gripped on tighter with all he had in him and prayed the comforting warmth wouldn't leave. He couldn't see who it was, he could barely make out the difference between light and dark right now, but all he needed to know was this person looking down on him, wasn't going to hurt him.

"Dean? Dean I'm sorry I didn't mean to get you hurt, I'm sorry," Sam started, he stopped himself when the hand in his got tighter, cutting off the blood supply to his fingers, he could see Dean's knuckles were at an alarming white color and his skin was pulled taut with how tight he was holding on. "Dean?" Sam asked when he thought Dean was awake but the older boy had gone back in his deep sleep, postponing the pain just for a little while longer.

But Sam took this as a sign of Dean telling him to leave, he didn't want to wake up with such a snot nosed tell tale in the room.

"Dean, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, this is all my fault...." the boy cried and was relieved when he felt someone wrap their loving arms round him. He leaned into the familiar company and let himself cry.

"Sshh, it's okay Sammy, Dean doesn't hate you, look how tight he's holding on, he doesn't want you to leave okay?" Mary said trying to make her baby see what everyone else did.

Sam didn't nod or shake his head, or show any sign he heard at all, he just cried into his mother's loving chest not daring to let go.

SPN

"How long's he been sitting like that?" John asked standing at the door with his wife.

"Pretty much all day, the nurses decided to leave them both together till visiting hours are over, Dean's results are getting better now so...plus he's holding onto Sammy's hand for dear life, I just wish Sam could see Dean needs him. But he just sits there begging for Dean not to hate him, sometimes he stops to have a cry but others....he just screams for forgiveness and..."

"This is all my fault...I pushed Sam into telling, I made him break the secret between them..."

"John we can't blame anyone, this is nobody's fault but that monster's..."

"Yeah...." John nodded agreeing with his wife for the sake. "But I don't understand how all this...how insane Dean went over school, I mean that's where it all started, we asked Dean about starting school again and Sam said he hadn't been to school for 2 years. I don't get how it went from that to this..."

"Maybe we need to ask them both about it...or...just talk to Sam and let him ask Dean."

"Yeah, maybe....listen you better go home, get some sleep."

"Like I told you to do?" Mary said looking at her husband's dark circles that were steadily getting bigger.

"I had...stuff to do...got side tracked."

"Sure, okay, I'll see you in a few hours, love you."

"Love you too," he said kissing her on the lips.

"Sammy, I'm gonna go now for a few hours is that okay baby?"

Sam nodded with his back to his parents.

"Your dad is here okay, love you baby."

Sam nodded and mumbled something similar to I love you too and she left.

"Sammy, you okay kiddo?" John asked taking his place next to his son...s. He pulled his youngest into his side hoping to comfort his boy just a little. "You in any pain buddy?"

Sam nodded ever so slightly on his father's chest so John pressed the call button for a nurse to come and give him something.

SPN

"NO!"

"Sammy come on you need to lie down in a bed kiddo."

"NO! I'm not leaving till Dean knows I'm sorry!"

"Sam I'm sure he-"

"SHUT UP!!! YOU DON'T KNOW!! YOU WEREN'T THERE!! I WISH EVERYONE WOULD STOP SAYING THAT!! THE ONLY ONE THAT KNOWS IS DEAN AND HE HATES ME!!!"

"K-kid?" someone piped up over the yelling.

'He's awake?....what do I do now?...'

"Dean -I"

'Sam...holy crap look at him...I did that to him....oh my god this is all my fault...what do I say now?....'

"Dean I'm so s-"

"Y-yeah me too."

"Dean, please don't hate me...I'm so sorry for...I know I promised and....I'm sorry this is all my fault...."

Sam started to sob, breaking John's and Dean's hearts.

"K-kid....Sam, don't do that....please, I-....I'm sorry, sorry for calling you a little prick, I-..."

"I deserved it...this is all cos of me....you shouldn't have tried to help me....he hurt you even more....I get it now....I know why everyone thinks I'm such a loser....I wanted you to see I wasn't just a little selfish prick so bad and....I'm so sorry."

"Sam... please....I-I....I needed to try to save you...I shouldn't have been so scared...I should have stood up to him more and you wouldn't be in here.....I tried so hard....and I still failed...he's right, I'm just a failure and waste not worth shit...man I tried so fucking hard...." Dean sobbed.

"Stop saying that! You shouldn't have tried at all!!! You should have let me die! You should have let him kill me then you could have run away from him and you could be happy on your own...away from him, away from me..." Sam took his hand from Dean's tight grasp and pushed himself from the chair, about to run for Dean's sake more than his own, but the shaking hand once more reached for his and pulled him back down.

"S-Sam...Sammy....I can't....I...I need...." Dean was having such a hard time getting the words out, it sounded so painful for him to speak, John was seconds away from going to yell for a nurse, but the words spoken next made him understand, "I c-can't be....alone....please...."

Sam stopped his mumbles, he stopped his apologies, and he stopped his tears, pausing all of himself for those 5 simple...sinfully painful words Dean had forced out.

John watched as they both tore themselves apart, thinking the same thing about each other, they both felt so guilty over something neither of them could control and it was ripping them both to pieces.

"Kids...stop, right now."

And they both did, they stopped the simultaneous mumbles of apologies, Dean mostly did it out of fear and confusion, Sam did it because he couldn't speak anymore over the tears.

"Boys...we need to talk."

TBC...

NEWS!!

Okay, first, this will be the last chapter for a while, I have a huge Law test on the 20th and if we don't pass, we get kicked off the course, so no pressure. So I'm going to knuckled down and I'll be back after the exam, thankfully Supernatural starts the next day (I think/I really really hope) so that will be my treat :D

Second, and last, I had a huge brainwave inspired by another story on LiveJournal , don't want to give any details away but that will be coming soon. My LJ is the homepage link on my FF profile by the way. So if you wanna check the art for this story out, head over there :D *hint hint*.

See you guys after the 20th.