Saeyoung and Saeran were thoroughly kicked out of the house for the day. It was, in and of itself, a bit upsetting. Saeyoung had yet to really stop pouting about it although he was starting to get over it. To be honest to himself he liked the idea of just having a day out with his brother. Yes, he and Saeran spent plenty of time together considering they lived in the same house and worked at the same job, but it wasn't quite the same as just actually going out together. Alone.

"It's like we're on a date~" Saeyoung teased before he could stop his mouth from blurting out his thoughts. Saeran paused in eating his ice cream and gave Saeyoung a disgusted look, which only made Saeyoung laugh loudly. His brother had the best faces sometimes. He leaned in and tapped his milkshake to Saeran's cup. "Aww, honey don't being like that~!"

"Stop." Saeran immediately responded, his voice deadpanning hard in his lack of amusement. It only made Saeyoung all the more amused.

"Is it because I hogged the bed last night?"

"No."

"I can't help if I'm a blanket hog!"

"I said no."

"Then why are you being so cold~?"

"I have the keys, and I will leave."

"Nooo!" Saeyoung decided to drop the teasing with a small yawn. The sun was shining bright today with the sky for the most part clear. Saeyoung and Saeran had decided to sit in the park together without even talking about it. The breeze felt good on his skin as the sun caused him to break out in a sweat. He probably should've left behind his jacket, but it had been chilly when they had left originally. The milkshake helped to keep him cool.

Saeran stared upwards at the sky, his eyes somewhat vacant despite the soft look on his face. It wasn't quite a smile, but it was something close. Contentment, Saeyoung thought. Saeran always developed that look on his face when he stared at the sky. He had first noticed it back at the hospital when Saeran was finally awake. He would stare out the window for hours, never looking down at the cross traffic but rather at the sky. It was better than when he had been screaming at Saeyoung or the doctors and nurses. His favorite times seemed to be when it was partly cloudy; when there was about 75% sky and 25% cloud coverage.

Saeyoung found himself watching Saeran quietly, studying the way the light hit his brother's face. The skin under his eyes -which had always seemed to hold a permanent darkness- was finally back to normal. There was color to his face now, which only made his teal eyes all the brighter. Saeyoung was used to seeing Saeran with his contacts in, but a part of him missed the golden eyes they both sported. Saeran hadn't quite let go of the contacts considering he didn't want to wear glasses either. Saeyoung hadn't quite yet found the courage in the past to suggest clear contacts. He didn't like the teal color.

"Why do you stare at the sky so much?" Saeyoung asked. Saeran blinked at him, startled just as much by the question as Saeyoung had been. The answer was obvious, he supposed, but he had never asked Saeran to really double-check. It had seemed like a private thing and the relationship between them still felt so fragile at times. He could sense the strain in their bond by words left unspoken. A past not brought up by either of them. Saeyoung was surprised by how bold he was by asking.

Saeran scooped a spoonful of his ice cream and popped it into his mouth self-consciously. Saeyoung could tell by the way his brother's eyes slipped from staring at him to staring at his cup that it wasn't something he was comfortable sharing. Saeyoung wasn't about to take back his question, but he would move on if Saeran really didn't want to discuss it. The topic was sudden and burdened with more than was actually asked.

Saeran surprised him even more, though, by gazing back up at the sky. "The clouds change their shape everyday." He said. "They're formed by water evaporating and condensing due to the heat of the sun. The wind in the atmosphere shapes them and changes them. Some are wispier than others, while others look like cotton candy. Those are the ones I can find shapes in. Shapes like . . . a bunny . . . although today's clouds are cotton candy."

Saeyoung was quiet, not understanding why he was being told this. He had known that Saeran liked clouds . . . but why the lesson?

Saeran noticed his confused frown. He closed his eyes, a wistful expression flitting across his face, and huffed a small laugh before finally answering his brother's question: "The thing I wanted to do most when I became an adult was to just stare at the clouds all day without any fear of . . ." He hesitated, as if fighting the word that wanted to come out of his mouth, before compromising with, "anything."

Saeyoung remembered now this conversation. It was so similar but so different than the one that they'd had that day. It had been one of the days they had snuck out of the house while their mother was gone. They'd had ice cream together on that day too. Saeyoung could still remember how sweet the ice cream had been . . . how happy Saeran had looked . . . almost to the point of tears. That day had filled him with joy and melancholy. He had been able to read what Saeran had really thought of the situation in his brother's eyes. Saeran hadn't needed to voice his acceptance of his fate . . . of the thought that he would never make it to adulthood.

Things were different now, but the pain was still there. Saeyoung felt as if he had grown much since those days, but still the scenario didn't feel so much different. Both of them were free. Nobody was stopping them from doing what they wanted . . . so why did that moment they were in feel so much like that day from so long ago? Saeran's face was peaceful and no longer held that inevitability of death, but Saeyoung still wanted to grab onto him and hold him. To shout at him not to look like that.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Saeran demanded, halfway on the defensive already. Saeyoung couldn't reply. His milkshake felt so cold in his hand. His throat felt tight.

"I don't know." He forced out slowly. He couldn't explain the sensation in his chest. He felt like a child again. He could still see the child in the matching shabby clothing to his. He could still picture Saeran's stilted steps as he tried to keep pace with his brother's slowed steps. Saeran was strong now and no longer that boy, but at the same time he still was. The wounds were there. There were things that would never heal completely.

Saeyoung reached out to Saeran and grabbed his sleeve. His hand was trembling, he realized. He didn't understand why. "You're happy now . . . right?" He asked. He needed to hear his brother's confirmation. He needed those words.

Saeran stared at him. His teal eyes were wrong. They weren't the right color. This wasn't that boy anymore. ". . . Yes." He responded with some quiet hesitation.

Saeyoung grinned, proud. His eyes teared up, but he blinked them away with a shake of his head. "Good! Haha . . . good!"

Saeran took another bite of his ice cream, scooping up some of the melted bit on the sides of the cup while he let Saeyoung recover. They had both managed to finish their treats by the time Saeran spoke again. "That woman . . . my sister-in-law . . ."

"You can call her by her name, you know." Saeyoung teased.

Saeran ignored him. "She looks at us sometimes like she can see right through us. I feel like . . . she would understand."

"Yeah." Saeyoung agreed, closing his eyes briefly as he pictured how you had gazed so sympathetically and so full of understanding as he had told you his story. Had it really been so many years since that incident? "She's like that."

"It doesn't feel right to tell her." Saeran protested. "Why do I feel like I should tell her? Nobody knows what I've gone through . . . I don't want to talk about it." It was on the tip of Saeyoung's tongue to reassure his brother, but Saeran plowed on, rambling to himself much like Saeyoung himself tended to do, "But I feel like we have to. I feel like . . . I can't move on completely until I can talk about it. And that makes me want to do it." He looked at Saeyoung, his eyes sharp and angry while simultaneously bitter and hurt. His scars were showing. They were wounds that were not fully healed. "I know now that you don't know what had happened to me. What Rika and V put me through. What you put me through. Not completely. And I want to tell you. I want to watch you get ripped apart learning about the horrors I went through. About the shit that I dealt with because of those people!"

"Saeran-" Saeyoung swallowed.

"They used me!" He bit out, fury directed at the ground. Saeran was shaking. His hand crushed his ice cream cup not caring about the mess it made. Saeyoung could only witness the pain his brother still carried. Forgiveness, he knew, was difficult. Saeyoung had been forgiven by Saeran, but that didn't make the pain go away. That didn't make the memories fade. Saeyoung knew that all too well. "Everybody I've known . . . all of them used me and betrayed me! Mommy . . . Mother . . . used me for her frustrations . . . You used me to as a distraction for yourself . . . Rika used me as a pawn . . . !" He threw his crushed cup on the ground. He panted and bit back sobs.

"I wasn't trying to use you!" Saeyoung protested desperately. He hated that Saeran thought he would ever use his brother. Saeran was his other half. They were two parts of the same whole. He protected Saeran because he loved him. Because Saeran had needed Saeyoung to be strong for him. Because as long as one of them was strong, they were both strong.

Saeran ignore him again. "I was happy with you. Even if every day hurt . . . Even though I wanted to die . . . I was happy by your side. It killed me when you left. I was so scared, Saeyoung!"

"I know." Saeyoung whimpered. Saeran had already told him this. He knew all of this. The words still haunted his dreams on occasion. He scooted closer to his brother. Saeran didn't move away.

"And I was . . . I was happy with my Savior . . . No, with Rika. She made me feel strong . . . made me wanted. I was enough for her. All I had to do back then was to rid myself of you. To destroy you. And then my life would be perfect. I could be happy in Magenta. I could be free . . . !" He choked off. "But . . . that was a lie. All of it was a lie. I was brainwashed . . . and drugged . . . I wasn't free. Most of those thoughts . . . I don't even know if they were mine.

I see that now. All of the shit I've gone through . . . I survived it. I'm still living. I'm finally . . . finally free. How I'm living now? It's my choice. Nobody is controlling me anymore!" Saeran looked back up at the sky with a cracked, delighted smile on his face. "I could leave if I wanted! I could right now drive off and never return! I know how to do it. I know how to run and make it so you could never find me again! Isn't that great?" He asked his brother.

Saeyoung didn't respond, his heart constricting.

Saeran took several heavy breaths before he lowered his head again. His eyes were damp with hysterical tears. Saeyoung watched each one that slipped down his face although Saeran didn't acknowledge them. Saeyoung himself felt as if he would shatter. He could see the holes in his brother. He could see the cracks. He wanted to help, but the mending process was there. He could do nothing but wait.

"Don't you agree with me?" Saeran pressed as he gazed at his twin. "Isn't it appealing? The freedom?"

"I never wanted that." Saeyoung responded with a rough voice. Saeran appeared surprised and then dubious. "No, that's not right . . . I did want that. But not in the way you described it. I wanted my freedom . . . but I wanted it with you. I wanted you by my side. I dreamt of it every night. You and me running off together without anybody to hold us back. No mama cat. No scary father. No secret agency. Just you and me . . . the two of us leaving Earth together and exploring the galaxy!"

Saeran snorted, amused. He wiped at his face. It made Saeyoung grin just a little bit. "Idiot."

"It's true!" Saeyoung insisted. "It was my goal in life . . . I hated the place I worked for. I could've died any day over stupid things. Even our mother didn't hold as much threat as the agency did. My actions decided if I died. They decided if others died. I . . . sometimes even decided who lived and who died." He confessed quietly. Saeran watched him without reaction, listening.

"I hated it so much. I . . . couldn't remember who I was really. Saeyoung no longer could exist . . . and Luciel was a name held for only those close to me. I've had many names, but few that were really me. Only my memories of you really kept me sane. The thought that you were out there being taken care of . . . that you were happy . . . Heh, well. We both know how that ended."

Saeyoung lifted his glasses and rubbed at his eyes. "There was a time . . . where I would've done what you said. I thought about it, you know. When she came into my life . . . when I fell in love . . . I would've done anything she said. I was ready to throw everything away. I couldn't bear any of it anymore. I wanted to escape my life, but only she kept me there. If she had told me to run away with her . . . I would've done it. I would've even been happy to do it.

But she didn't tell me to run. She kept me standing. Kept my feet on the right path. Supported me. God . . ." He loved you. His fingers traced the band on his left hand anxiously. His frame felt thin and ready to collapse. He could picture his head breaking his body, shattering the brittle bones and paper skin and turning him to dust before his head would roll away.

He cleared his throat, realizing he had fallen silent in his reverie. "My dreams are different now. I . . . I have everything I want." He laughed a bit. "I'm getting more than what I wanted. This . . . this is my freedom, Saeran." He gazed at his brother. "I hope that in many ways it is for you too."

Saeran had returned to gazing at the sky. Saeyoung didn't know if he had bored Saeran, or if his brother just didn't want to look at him. He felt as if it was the latter. "What would you do if I left?" Saeran asked quietly.

"Do you mean in how you described leaving . . . or just moving out?"

"Either."

"I don't want to think about the former."

Saeran's lips turned up a bit. "Then answer the latter."

"Why? Are you telling me you want to move out?" There was a teasing lilt to his voice. He couldn't help it. Saeran only rolled his eyes. That wasn't really an answer, but Saeyoung didn't press. "If you do, then let me know. I'll help you find a house!"

Saeran levered himself to his feet, flexing his sticky hand. "I need a bathroom." He said in response. Saeyoung scooped up Saeran's trash from the ground and found a trashcan before he threw his arms around his brother. Saeran froze, stiff, but didn't pull away. Saeyoung took that as a win. He didn't say anything as he pressed his face to Saeran's shoulder. The brothers held there for a minute or so, recovering from how raw they both felt. It was a start, Saeyoung thought. It was a step in the right direction. For now, though, they both closed up, and Saeyoung pulled away. He needed the space. Saeran left to search for a bathroom and a sink.

Saeyoung sat back down on the bench and just breathed. He listened to the traffic that drove by. He closed his eyes and felt the whisper of the wind on his skin. His eyes felt swollen making him wondered if he'd cried more than he had noticed. He reached into his pocket and found your contact on his phone. You had messaged him, he realized, and he found himself smiling at the picture one of your friends had taken of you. It was a shot of your stomach painted to look like the Death Star from Star Wars. It was a pretty good rendition, he thought.

He sighed with a pout on his face as he waited for his brother to come back. "Ah, I want to go to the party too . . ." He murmured. He stared at the tummy Death Star, but thought more to the two babies still within you. His fingers tapped on his thigh as he imagined the nearby future. He wanted to give those two a much happier life. He hoped they would be the best of friends.