A/N: I'M SOOOOO SORRY! IT'S BEEN FOREVER! I feel so guilty! Please accept this (cybernetic) offering of sushi I present in guilt.

I own nothing. I've got a new poll up asking if I should write another Fairy Tale Crossover with Bleach. So if you've read Snow Rukia and the Seven Shinigami you should vote. And if not...read Snow Rukia and the Seven Shinigami and then vote.

Chapter 13: Unexpected help and Central 46 are being bastards.

...Someone should really fire those guys or something. Plus, Ichigo is SO screwed.

Kaien blinked up at the crazy looking Captain with the spiky hair and eye patch. He turned to look at the (disturbingly) beautiful man, the bald guy and the little pink haired girl gnawing on his head.

...Which, by the way, was pretty funny.

Blinking some more, he turned back to the bandaged Zaraki Kenpachi. "Um...so..." Zaraki grinned (crazily). "Thanks to your little group, I had the most fuckin' awesome fight ever. So I'm gonna help your ass."

Kaien blinked. Then said,

"...Thank...you?"

Rukia waited in the fourth squad holding cell, kicking herself (mentally) for letting Renji get captured.

...At least Kaien-dono and Hisana escaped...

After Hisana finished bashing her head, in sheer and utter frustration, against the wall for getting back to square 1, she dashed down the sewer to the nearest exit to the surface.

Please be okay. Everyone. Or else I'm going hunt you're asses down and beat them dead.

Byakuya and Ichigo got word of the ryoka's capture/disappearances.

Ichigo didn't think Byakuya's eyes could get so wide.

...It was disturbing.

Especially when he started hyperventilating.

Renji sat in his cell, staring at the transparent door, freedom of the Seretei clearly visible to his tired eyes.

...That wasn't rubbing salt in his (metaphorical) wound at all.

Miyako, Yoruichi, Nemu and Ukitake ran out of Squad 12 and down the streets of Seretei to regroup back at Squad 13.

...won't that be fun?

Hisana peeked out from the stone slab that blocked her way from the surface. Shifting her eyes around, she carefully lifted up the heavy trapdoor and snuck stealthily down the silent path. Hearing something, she ducked behind an alleyway and listened to the Shinigami walking past.

"Yeah, I heard that..."

"Oh really?"

"...tomorrow..."

"Huh."

Hisana blinked, mind whirling. The hell? What's tomorrow?...Oh wait...it can't be that...Hisana face palmed. FUCK.

A Captains meeting was called. Captains Kuchiki, Ukitake, and Kenpachi were missing.

...The other Captains were getting some seriously bad vibes. Very, very bad vibes.

"...therefore, Abarai Renji's execution will be moved up to tomorrow at 3:00 pm." The faceless drone of Centreal 46 announced to the blinking Renji. Wordlessly, they turned heel and left as soon as they came, leaving a stunned Renji in their wake.

.."Huh."

Renji lay on his back in the center of the oddly centered perfectly round light filtering through into his cell. Staring at the ceiling he sighed. Well, this is it, I guess. He thought, surprisingly not too down. I mean, he was going to die, which SUCKED. But hey, could be worse. It's a shame though. I never got to finish the race. 'Least I beat Taicho. Sucker. (1)

"Dammit, Byakuya! BREATHE!" Ichigo yelled frantically, waving his arms up and down like a adolescent moron that absolutely no idea what to do.

It was a pretty accurate description.

In Ichigo's defense, this was Byakuya. Hyperventilating. Byakuya.

Moving on.

Hisana...Hisana...Disappeared...Gone...Was Byakuya's track of frenzied thought, unable to get off said track of thought, even though he looked like a total moron.

I mean, picture Kuchiki Byakuya hyperventilating.

You see my point.

Alright. Ichigo thought, closing his eyes in resignation. Time to do what one must when someone is hyperventilating.

...Lie your ass off to shock them out of it.

...The author would like to note that she is pretty damn sure that one should NOT do this when someone is hyperventilating. The author is sure that there is some more logical approach but does not know what it is. Please don't try this at home. ...Or anywhere. Ever. Seriously.

"Byakuya...I..." Here it goes...God, saying this is sooooo mentally scarring. "...I...slept with Rukia." Ichigo finished, head hanging in defeat, inwardly shuddering. Ugh. Byakuya's head snapped up and his eyes were even more frigid then the coldest of ice.

Well, at least it worked. Ichigo thought sadly, as he fled madly for life against the very pissed off Senbonzakura Kageyoshi.

Hisana madly dashed towards Byakuya's sudden influx of reitsu. Oh my god. What happened? Is he being attacked? IS HE DYING? The obnoxious worrying thoughts flew through her cranium, despite her wishes that they weren't there. Not to mention her logical thought process (Oh, he's fine. I mean, he's freakin' Byakuya) were being squashed by said worrisome thoughts. That being said, she was very surprised when she crashed into the charming (she wasn't going to bother denying it) orange haired youth from before. Anyway, they crashed head on, and landed in a extremely comprimising position. Neither were quite sure how they landed in said position, with Ichigo crushing Hisana's tiny body with his own much larger one, their flushed faces inches apart, and Ichigo's arms on both sides of Hisana's head, propping himself on his elbows so his head wasn't smothered by her breasts.

...Awkward.

They both stared at each other wide eyed and blushing, since Ichigo was a innocent (in this context) soul, and Hisana was, in a very strange way, married. That being said, it only became even more awkward when Byakuya caught up to Ichigo, intent on causing him unbelievable pain for supposedly deflowering his baby sister, and saw them in said position. Byakuya stared (with not yet registered astonishment and anger), Ichigo stared (with horror), Hisana stared (with embarrassment). Ichigo attempted to break the silence (which earned him Hisana's deepest respect, 'cuz to do something so utterly stupid was pretty gallant). "Um...so...you're Hisana...right?" Ichigo asked feebly, not getting up, since he too focused on Byakya's (which was starting to glow a deadly pink) sword to think about moving. "...Yeah...You're Ichigo...right?" She asked, also wearily eying her husband's (sorta) sword.

"...Yeah."

"...May I offer some advice?"

"...Sure."

The sword and her husband glowed pink, the intense angry spiritual pressure seemed to burn up the atmosphere.

"...You should run."

" Kurosaki..."

"FAST."

"You WILL die by my sword, BOY."

"And FAR away."

"...Noted."

"Which way to Squad Four?"

"LEFT!"

"Um...we need to go right."

"NO! LEFT!"

"...Right."

"LEFT!"

"RIGHT!"

"LEFT!"

"IF WE GO RIGHT, I'LL GIVE YOU CANDY, YOU DEMON CHILD!"

"Like I was saying, RIGHT!"

"...Finally."

Rukia sat alone in the sparse (and COLD) cell. Seriously, why couldn't Soul Society get heaters? On that note, what about air conditioning? I mean, their only source of comforting coolness in Seretei's' intense summers was Hitsugaya Taicho's always present reitsu.

...Hmmm...Toushirou...

...Sorry about that. The author moves on.

So, Rukia sat alone, deep in worrying thought like she often did. While pondering said worrying thought, she noticed a deep shaking revirberating the walls of her confinement. Even so, she was still pretty startled when the ceiling came in a giant blur (several, actually) came crashing in, crushing were she was just sitting before she dived out of the way.

"GAH!" Rukia shrieked, plastered against the wall out of sheer survival instinct. "WHAT THE FUCK?" She yelled, which the author thinks is a very reasonable response when Zaraki Kenpachi and Co. (Plus Kaien) burst into your cell via the ceiling. Zaraki gazed at the diminutive girl impassively (though it seemed more like a pissed off glare to the untrained observer) and grunted. "Oi, we're here to save you're skinny ass, so hurry up dammit." Rukia blinked. "...Huh?"

"NO BYAKUYA-SAMA! STOP!" Hisana yelled frantically at her (sorta) husband, who was currently beating the crap out of Ichigo. Ichigo was utterly defenseless...well, not defenseless, but he pretty much fucked. Because not even Ichigo fuckin' Kurosaki could fend off The Kuchiki Byakuya when he was THIS pissed off. Granted, Byakuya had several good reasons, so we can't really blame the guy.

1) Ichigo told him that he slept with Rukia. Us readers KNOW that's a lie, but Byakuya (poor bastard) does not.

2) He caught Ichigo and HIS beloved, darling, gorgeous (this could go on for a VERY long time) Hisana in a EXTREMELY compromising and appearing to be quite an intimate postion. Purely accidental, but he doesn't know that. And if he suspects it was, well...I don't think he really cares, honestly.

3) ...Byakuya just doesn't like him. At all. Whatsoever.

Oh, SHIT. What do I do? ...OH! I could distract him by telling him a ridiculously obvious lie! Hisana thought triumphantly and opened her mouth to blurt out the ridiculously obvious lie when, ...Oh wait...Byakuya-sama tends to take this stuff seriously, and I really don't want to be the one that sends him on a psychopathic hunt for Renji's blood. Dammit. (2)

Meanwhile, Ichigo lay on the ground. His Bankai outfit was torn, and his mask long since shattered. Sword grasped weakly in hand, he attempted a swipe at Byakuya's ankles in order to defend himself.

Byakuya slashed.

Ichigo bled. A LOT.

CRAP! What do I-?

...Oh.

...That could work.

A/N:

1: Rukia's the finish line, Hisana and Renji are in the lead and tied. Byakuya's goal is Hisana who is tied with Renji, thus REnji is winning against Byakuya. (metaphorically)

2: Hisana was going to lie and say she slept with Renji in order to distract Byakuya. But she wants Renji to live so...

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