Chapter Song - lovely by Billie Eilish & Khalid

"Need a place to hide but I couldn't find one near,
Wanna feel alive outside, I can't fight my fear.
Isn't it lovely all alone?
Heart made of glass, my mind of stone.
Tear me to pieces, skin to bone.
Hello, welcome home."

Late October.

Charlie sat across the table as he opened his menu, skimming through despite the fact that we both knew he was going to order the same thing he has for the past three weeks.

Three weeks.

I didn't know how, but I was able to find some semblance of a routine in Forks. It started as a way for Charlie to get more exposure within the community in a more positive light. My plan was to get him to mingle with the locals so they could see he wasn't always either at his house or at Masen's. Somehow, it worked. Typically closed off, I would catch Charlie from time to time nodding his head at the gentlemen on the stools by the counter and sometimes even exchanging a few pleasantries with those who passed our table.

He would never admit it, but I could tell he enjoyed having some form of actual interaction with something other than a whiskey bottle. And so, that started our tradition of eating at the café on the same days, same time and even same table.

In addition to this new routine, Charlie continued to attend AA every week. He never participated, at least, that's what I was told, but I never complained. I knew going was a feat in itself, and if I could keep this up, I knew I could get him on the right track. I already saw improvement; his will to do things other than just drink was a little staggering to me at first. It started with small things, like him picking up his dishes after he ate lunch in his recliner, or cleaning out the gutters after the falling leaves from autumn clogged them. I even caught him looking up jobs in the area while on the computer when I came home one night from Edward's.

He was trying, and that was more than he has ever done before.

We sat at the table closest to the counter, just underneath the TV tucked in the corner playing the local news. As Charlie continued looking over the menu, I spared a glance to the table near the windows, a surge of grief wafting through me as I remembered sitting at that same table as a child, but with both of my parents. As far as eating out goes, Carver's Café was the only restaurant available in Forks, but Charlie and I made a silent agreement to avoid that table.

"Evenin' Swans," A voice disrupted my thoughts, and I turned to see Sue in her navy waitress dress, producing a white pad and pencil from the pocket of her black apron. "How are we doing tonight?"

"Good," Charlie said immediately, clearing his throat to cover his heightened tone. I pressed my lips together to avoid a smile, which Charlie noticed immediately, grumbling something under his breath.

"How are you, Sue?" I asked, extending the conversation that Charlie was too embarrassed to do.

"Can't complain, but if I did no one would listen," She joked, showing off her warm smile. She couldn't have been much younger than Charlie, but she carried her age well. She could pass in her thirties despite the strands of gray amongst her dark hair and the wrinkles that made their home around her mouth and forehead. "What can I get started for you two? The normal?"

"I think I'll try the Cobb Salad today," I said, handing her my menu.

"And for you, Charlie?" She asked.

"The same," He gruffly said under his breath, handing Sue his menu without eye contact, "Make the coffee Irish if you can," Charlie joked as Sue let out a boisterous laugh. Her demeanor just radiated light, quite the opposite of Charlie. It would do him some good to have a little of her personality rub off on him.

"You and me both, I could stand a little energizing," She smirked, sparing him a wink as Charlie went red. "I'll put your order in right now." As Sue walked away, I watched as Charlie distracted himself with items on the table. Rearranging his utensils to the left as he moved the bowl of sugar packets farther away, his eyes briefly glancing to meet mine, catching my stare.

"Don't start," He scowled.

"What? I didn't say anything,"

"You don't have to say anything, I can tell what you are thinking just by your face," He said as I rolled my eyes, leaning back into my chair.

"She's cute. And when's the last time you went on a date?" I asked, wondering if there had been any other women since Mom.

"I'm out of that business," He said. "Don't have the energy to get back in the dating life. Plus, I have my whiskey to keep me warm."

"That's sad," I added.

"It's not sad for me. And do you really want to talk about dating? How about we talk about you and Edward?" He challenged. It surprised me he brought up the subject of Edward at all, considering he avoided the conversation about our relationship for the past several weeks. "Don't think for a second that I don't know where you go at night."

He wasn't wrong. Edward was part of my routine.

The better part of my day was spent with Charlie, helping him when he needed, organizing his life back into place. But for the past few weeks, once we came home from the diner or had dinner at home, I would leave.

Every night, I would find myself at Masen's, meeting Edward in his office in the back or up in the front at the bar with either Jasper or Riley. We would spend a reasonable amount of time hanging out, but we were both eager to enjoy our privacy. Up in his loft, it was like nothing else existed besides us. And in the times we didn't spend cooking together, listening to music or talking, we were in bed. When I was with Edward, they were moments I cherished, but to be with someone in such an intimate and raw way, it changed me. He dug inside of me, uncovering emotions I swore I would never experience again at the risk of being hurt. He was removing every doubt at an alarming rate. I was scared shitless. But his warmth eased my natural anxiety. He was changing me. Once closed off and guarded, I was opening up not just to him, but to others. I found myself engaging in more conversation and even felt a sense of friendship between myself and Emmett and Jasper.

My time spent with him helped me forget about the decisions I would need to make in the future.

Charlie never approached the topic of my relationship with Edward. I'm not sure if he actually enjoyed entertaining the idea of us together, not that I was forthcoming with any information. I never surfaced the topic. Instead, we skirted around it as if it wasn't happening. I wasn't hiding our association; Charlie just made it clear that the less he knew, the better.

So, it was a surprise Charlie brought Edward up at all, clearly using him as a defense to take the heat off himself. The air turned awkward, Charlie clearing his throat as he leaned back into his chair, the wood creaking in protest.

"All right, I'll drop it," I said, laying my crossed arms onto the table. "How is the job hunting going?"

"Fine," Charlie said gruffly. "I have an interview next week."

"What?" I asked, surprised but elated. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, Bella – don't make it a big thing," He groaned, now crossing his arms. I cleared my throat, pressing my lips together as I calmed my demeanor. I was becoming worried about Charlie's luck in finding a job. Since opening the loan behind his back, I had planned to get him a job, get a paycheck in, and send it to the bank so Charlie would not get suspicious about the fact they haven't tried to reach out to us. Despite my excuse about getting an extension, I knew he would become wary of a month with no word from the bank, especially with the previous threats of foreclosure.

I was cautious, making sure I changed Charlie's billing from paper mail to paperless. I even went so far as switching the phone number on his account from his to mine. My intention was not to lie, but I knew how Charlie would react if he found out. What he didn't know, didn't hurt him and in turn saved the house. At least, that's what I kept reminding myself.

"Sorry. So, where is this interview at?"

"At the plant. Billy Black was able to put in a good word for me," He said just as Sue stopped by, setting down our drinks. Charlie grabbed a few sugars, sparing Sue a smile before she left. "It's not much,"

"It's something," I reminded him, watching as he ripped the sugar packets opened, dumping them into the cup. Then, from the inner pocket of his jacket, he pulled out his flask, discretely opening it and pouring a shot into his coffee.

"Seriously?" I groaned, my eyes darting around the room to make sure no one took notice before he slipped it back, grabbing his mug handle to take a sip.

"I got the interview," He shrugged.

"But you need to get the job," I challenged.

"No one saw."

"That's not the point."

"You know, in the past fourteen some years that I haven't seen you, this is not how I thought things would play out when I saw you again," He said, leaning back with the mug in his hand.

"What? You slipping whiskey into your coffee?" I asked, taking a drink of water. "That doesn't seem out of character."

"No, you being back here trying to get my life together. Or what little you can of it," He said with a shrug. "I don't know. It's just strange to think about."

It was strange to think about. This time last year, I was freshly out of college and preparing myself for a new job. Never did I think I would be back in Forks, helping my alcoholic father get a job to save his house. Even on my way here, I never thought I would spend as much time as I already have in a town I originally wanted nothing to do with. But never did I take the time to even entertain the thought that my mother would relapse, causing her inevitable death.

"It is," I said. "Shit happens."

Charlie laughed, looking at me with a smile.

"Shit happens." He agreed.

"Can you promise me something?" I asked as he looked up, "Please just try with this interview. Not your normal I could care less about what happens to me attitude you typically have."

"It's part of my charm," He smiled.

"Charlie," I said sternly. "For me. Please," I begged, watching as his face fell, looking down at his coffee cup. We sat there silent for a few moments, until he looked to me, his arm reaching forward as his elbow rested on the table. His hand was just a few inches from me with his little finger lifted. His mustache twitched as I gave him a smile, reaching forward to wrap my pinky around his.

Promise.

xx

As the sun set over Forks, I made inside Masen's, the warmth heating my cheeks instantly, a stark contrast from the cold October night. A few people were scattered across the bar, Monday night a usually slow one. I tugged off my jacket, the sound of the billiard balls smashing together echoing in the room along with the rock music that played over the stereo. Jasper saw me coming, turning and reaching for the coffee pot at the side of the bar. Jasper had also become a part of my routine, and besides time spent with Edward, was one of my favorite parts.

Monday nights were for bookkeeping, and Edward closed himself in the back until he was done, which left me time to talk to Jasper. Over time, I found we shared several things.. Jasper was also a writer, and we spent the small time we had brainstorming ideas for new material, providing advice and going back and forth over our favorite authors.

He told me he had plans to write a series of Civil War novels, both fiction and nonfiction. He had ancestors that served in the war, and their letters depicting their tales of travel had been handed down through generations within the family. His enthusiasm and passion made it easy for me to feel comfortable with him, even sharing a few ideas I had been wrangling with.

"Hey, Bella," Jasper smiled, handing me my mug.

"Hey, Jazz." I sat myself on the bar stool, taking a drink.

"I worked a little bit on my chapter last night," He said.

"How did it go?"

"Better than I anticipated; got a few paragraphs in," He began, "How about you?"

"I have no time to write," I laughed.

"You should make time, maybe stop coming here so much." He suggest with a smile as I rolled my eyes. "You have a lot of really great ideas."

"I'll make time, it's just ... right now I'm trying to get Charlie's life together," I explained.

"Why?" Jasper asked.

"I just need to," I said with a shrug. "Once he has a job, I can worry less."

"And then focus on you?" He asked as I nodded. "How are you going to do that?"

"I don't know."

"Sounds to me like you have some soul-searching to do, Swan," Jasper said, moving towards the other end of the bar to serve the few locals who just arrived. I tapped my thumb against my coffee mug as I chew on my bottom lip. His words resonated with me and I knew the time I spent at school, cultivating my future had been temporarily set back so I could focus on Charlie. I wondered how or if it would be different if he got the job at the plant. Would he take it seriously enough to at least slow down his drinking to be able to function properly at work? Or would he pull a classic Charlie and ruin it all, putting us back to square one?

"Hey, Jake. How's the force treating you?" Jasper's voice brought me out of my thoughts as I turned to see Jacob Black leaning himself against the bar. Wrapped in my own thoughts, I had missed him walking in with a few of his buddies who made their way to the pool table in the corner of the room.

I remembered my last encounter with Jacob at the hospital, his warning about Edward. I felt annoyed by his presence, even more so when I felt his eyes on me.

"Good … Great. Just protecting the streets of Forks," His words were slurred, as if he had already been drinking prior to getting here.

"Yeah? What kind of trouble gets riled up in this town?" Jasper snorted, the sound not lost on Jacob who sat back into his seat, "What can I get you?"

"Rum and Coke," He requested as Jasper began to make his drink. "You'd be surprised. It's always the quiet towns that harbor the most secrets. Pill mills, drug running, addicts … Can't be too careful." Despite being several seats down, his acidic tone could be heard from across the room. I tried to pay attention to something other than him, but I spared a glance, catching his gaze instantly. "You're not even going to say hi to me, Bells?"

"I didn't want to interrupt your conversation," I said flatly, looking to Jasper who slid Jake his drink, his eyes bouncing between the two of us. Jake laughed at his end of the bar, looking to the chair next to me as if asking permission to move. He didn't give me a chance to respond, up and off his seat with his drink in his hand as he settled next to me, the stench of alcohol wafting off his breath before he even took a sip.

"How have you been, Bells?" He asked, my eyes looking to Jasper who moved closer in our direction, sensing the uneasiness in the room. "I just wanted to apologize, truly, for what I said at the hospital."

"It's fine, Jake," I assured him with a tight smile. "No reason to bring it back up."

"But I was a dick. I mean, I haven't seen you in years and the second conversation I have with you, I'm a dick. I swear I wasn't like this, it just comes with the job," He said, "How's Charlie?"

"He's good, has an interview with the Plant next week thanks to your father," I began, steering the conversation elsewhere. "How is Billy?"

"He's great, doing fine," He grinned, his body moving enough for our knees to touch. "How are you, Bells?"

"I'm great, Jake," I assured, easing myself away.

"Hey, I think your buddies want to start your match," Jasper interrupted, nodding to the pool table in the back. "I want to see that bank shot you're always bragging about, man." Jasper was close now, directly in front of us as he eased his palms onto the bar, ready to provide a barrier between us.

"They are fine," Jake shook his comment off as Jasper leaned back, pulling out his phone. During this time, Jacob had inched closer, his chest nearly to my shoulder as I felt the warmth of his breath on my cheek. Despite Jasper being near, I felt apprehensive, his proximity forcing me on edge "Listen, about the other day at the hospital,"

"I said it was fine, Jake."

"I don't have anything against Cullen, I swear. Not personally, anyways."

At the mention of Edward, I knew I needed to get away. I stepped off the stool, but before I was out of reach, a hand grasped my wrist tightly, my eyes widening as I looked up. Jacob's own expression looked horrified by his actions, but before he had time to let go, my instincts kicked into overdrive and I reeled my free hand back, lunging forward as my fist connected with his nose.

There was scrambling, Jasper yelling in the background as he nearly jumped over the bar, Jacob clutching his bloody face as his body hit the ground. I felt arms around me, moving me out of the way as a blistering pain thumped like a heartbeat in my left wrist. Looking back to the commotion, I noticed Jacob was no longer on the ground, but instead in the hands of a man with a mess of crimson hair. My heart leaped into my throat as Jacob's friends, and fellow policemen, came to his aid.

There was shouting, Jasper trying to peel Edward away who said something to Jacob, something that caused him to retaliate. Edward pushed Jasper out of the way, catching him off guard as he faltered, both Jacob and Edward gearing up for a fight.

"Stop it!" I shouted, my voice barely breaking over the music. Steady on my feet, I made way toward Edward, gripping onto his arm. "Edward," I pleaded, his eyes catching mine. "Just let him go. Please."

"You are a lousy piece of shit, Cullen," Jacob spat, blood decorating the floor.

"Get the fuck out of my bar, Jacob," Edward snarled, pulling away from me as Jacob's friends came to his aid. "Everyone out! We're closing for the night!" He shouted as the few locals grumbled under their breath.

"This is the type of shit I'm talking about, Bella. He's on a trigger, just like Charlie," Jacob growled as he neared the door. "Don't be fooled by the persona he puts out. He's still a fucking addict." It was the last thing he said before exiting, my eyes turning to Edward who watched him leave, fury in his eyes and his chest broadened. I went to reach for him, but he caught my movements immediately, turning away, pushing a chair to the ground in the process.

"Let me see," Jasper came to me, grabbing my left arm and inspecting my wrist. His touch irritated the tenderness, his hand maneuvering me under the bar light to get a better view of the damage I had caused. I sat up on a stool, watching as he gently placed my arm on the coolness of the bar, the skin of my knuckles red as my wrist began to swell.

"Is it broken?" I asked.

"I think you'd be in a bit more pain. Just sprained. I think we have a wrist brace in our first aid kit," Jasper said, continuing to inspect as I turned my chin over my shoulder, seeing Edward pace near the pool table, whispering something under his breath. "Hey, man, you okay?" Jasper asked, looking toward Edward.

"No, I'm definitely not okay. Jacob Black is a fucking moron," Edward growled, "I need a fucking drink," I felt sick at his comment, looking away as he began pinching the bridge of his nose. "What the fuck was that Bella?"

"What was what?" I questioned, turning back to him, surprised at his threatening tone. Jasper had let go of me, excusing himself as he made his way into the back.

"Why the fuck did you stop me?" He snarled, stopping in the middle of the bar as his eyes held mine. "He was fucking asking for it, causing issues in my bar, that fucking dick."

"Are you kidding me?" I laughed emptily, "You are angry with me because I didn't want you to hit a cop?"

"I don't give a fuck what type of title they give him. He's the same old, arrogant Jacob I've always known. In fact, the badge makes him even more of a fucking prick," Edward scowled, pacing once again up and down the wooden floor.

"You would have gone to jail!"

"I don't care."

"Well, I do! What the hell is wrong with you?" I bellowed irritation and fiery anger growing rampant inside of me. But before Edward could answer my question, Jasper re-entered with the brace, along with a clean cloth in his hands. He filled the cloth with ice, twisting the top to secure it and set it gently onto my wrist.

"Fuck, Jazz, you shouldn't be doing that, I should," Edward groaned, moving towards us as he grabbed the makeshift ice pack from Jasper, nodding towards the door. "You don't have to stick around, I'll close up."

"Are you sure?" Jasper asked hesitantly, glancing briefly to the bar.

"I'll be fine," Edward said with certainty, nodding his head as Jasper stepped away, gathering his things before leaving the two of us. Edward looked down at my arm, holding the pack still as a crease began to create above his brow, lost in his thoughts. His anger seemed to linger, but the majority of it dissipating as his attention swiveled its focus on me.

"I'm okay," I reassured him, "I'm tougher than I look."

Edward didn't smile, but spared me a glance, "I know."

"Feels like old times, right?" I questioned, his brows raising in confusion. "The arguing? We did more of that before we were … Whatever we are now." I said as his face softened, the crease disappearing as he let out a deep breath from his nose.

"What are we?" He asked, reaching forward to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear.

"I don't know," I answered honestly, the two of us looking down to my wrist. "I think I can put the brace on now." Edward removed the ice pack, grabbing the brace and peeling the straps from the Velcro as he slipped my hand inside. He let out a breath as he secured it, his eyes trailing to the other hand, the one Jacob had grabbed. My pale skin did no justice in hiding any marks, the smallest hint of pink tracing around my wrist. I watched his face contort into a sadness, his eyes opening to show his grief. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"I fucking hate him for making me feel so weak," He admitted.

"What do you mean?" I asked, watching as his eyes traveled to the bar behind us, gazing over the bottles on display. His eyes moved back to me, the green filled with regret as he leaned back on a stool, hanging his head in guilt.

"I saw his hands on you just before everything happened and it was like this blinding rage," He began, "And all I could think about was you and how angry I was and how nothing would calm me down except for a shot of vodka. And I hate myself for it."

I watched the conflict in his eyes, his need to be protective battling with his want to cave into the addiction he battled on a daily basis. I had seen the same battle within Mom, one that plagued her almost every day, especially when things were bad.

Jacob had made him so angry, it nearly pushed him to the point of relapse, and he felt sorry for it. I wasn't sure if Charlie ever felt sorry for wanting a drink. Edward's hard work and dedication to stay sober was almost singlehandedly destroyed by one interaction. The fragility of abstinence was clear to me now more than ever. I stood from the stool and closed the gap between us. I didn't hesitate in pulling him into a hug, my arms slipped under his and around his back. He didn't respond at first, his body limp against mine until I squeezed, pressing a kiss to the side of his head. His grip became firmer, his arms circling my waist as he let out a sigh of relief.

"When we first move to Phoenix," I began, pulling away from the hug but staying close, "… my mom couldn't find a job. She couldn't keep a job here in Forks, not when she was addicted to pills. So, she had no experience when we went to Phoenix, and she had bills that were due," I paused, feeling Edward squeeze at my sides. "For weeks, I saw her come home, defeated and cry herself to sleep because she much rather do that then give in to what she really wanted … I can't relate, but I understand. And I would never be angry at you for it."

Edward looked at me as if trying to piece together the words I had just spoken. I had hoped he understood that while I didn't personally know how he felt, I could still try and recognize his struggles because of my experiences with my mother. I knew addiction stole what little joys you had in life and any type of extreme emotion could be a trigger to relapse. Edward was no exception to this rule.

Suddenly, he pulled me in for another embrace, holding me tight as we basked in our nearness. I could feel his body calming, the easiness relaxing him almost instantaneously. His grip on me didn't lessen, his fingers splayed against my back as he held me to his chest, the tightness increasing as if he were afraid I would disappear. I didn't mind, holding onto him with the same intensity to let him know I was here. We stood for a few moments more before Edward spoke, his voice deep in his throat.

"I'm yours," He whispered as I blinked up at him. "What we are. It's doesn't matter what it's called. I'm yours."

His words warmed me, his candor sparking me from the inside as I reached up and pressed my lips firmly against his. He moved between my legs, his head dipping to meet the kiss, intensifying it as he coaxed open my mouth. The adrenaline from earlier pumped at an accelerated rate, the kiss growing more passionately as our hands grabbed whatever we could. Edward swooped my legs under his arms, pulling me onto him, taking me to the back office where we found our way to the couch. Our clothes were lost within the room as he laid back, my legs straddling his hips as we moved in unison, our bodies covered in a sheen of sweat.

We came together, our hands gripping tightly as we rode our high, our breathing heavy and warm. I slowed my movements, as our lips hovered together, my palms cupping his cheeks as I whispered to him, "I'm yours."

AN: Thank you to those who favorite, follow and review. I am so appreciative of you humans!

Thank you to my beta, Fran. What a gal!

To help immerse you more into this story and these characters, I created a Spotify playlist with each of the chapter songs. I will update the songs as I update the chapters. Due to not being able to add links, I attached the playlist onto my Facebook. Feel free to add me and you can check out the songs on my page!

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Thank you so much for your support.

- ii