Chapter 13

"Always"

Mello and Matt avoided each other the rest of the day, unable to speak without ending up fighting about it.

Finally, unable to stand the silence any longer, Matt confronted Mello.

"Mello, I'm sick of this," he said, following the other boy down the hall. "I love you, and I don't want to fight like this every day!"

"Yeah? Me neither," Mello replied.

"So just hear me out, okay?" Matt said. "First of all, I don't think I have anything to be sorry for. I didn't do anything wrong – this entire thing is just because you're too much of a coward to tell your father the truth about us."

"Is that all you have to say?" Mello replied briskly, continuing around the corner of the hall.

"No, it isn't. Mello.... I love you, but....if this is the way things are going to be, then...I don't want to be here anymore," Matt said softly, stopping a few paces behind Mello and looking down at the floor.

"Wha...?" Mello turned around. "What?"

"I can't take it anymore. This lying, and pretending I don't feel anything for you. I can't even be in the same room with you without having to put on some kind of act. It's unbearable. Sometimes I think it'd be easier to not be around you at all, then to be around you and have to hide the way I feel."

"Matt...." Mello took a step forward, his face growing pale. "Please, don't....I don't want you to leave."

"Why?" Matt replied, looking back up at the other boy. "Why bother anymore? What's the point of me staying with you if it's just a lie? You say you love me, and then as soon as your father walks into the room you act like you don't. I don't really know what to believe anymore."

"Matt, of course I love you! You know I do."

"You never act like it anymore. Anytime I try to get close to you lately, you just push me away. It hurts too much to be here right now."

"Matt..." Mello could feel his voice catch in his throat. "Please.... I love you, you know I do. Don't leave...."

"Then prove it," Matt demanded.

"What do you want me to do?!" Mello cried hopelessly.

"Kiss me," Matt told him, staring him straight in the face. "Kiss me right here, now. If you really love me, you won't care if anyone else might see it."

Mello stood rooted to the spot, staring at the other boy. Matt was dead serious. "Matt, I...." he began.

"Fine." Matt turned around and began to walk away.

"Wait!"

Just as Matt prepared to round the corner of the hall, Mello grabbed his wrist and pressed him up against the wall, capturing his lips in a surprise gesture. "Don't leave," he whispered, his voice desperate. "I need you...."

As they broke apart, Matt immediately pulled Mello forward again and kissed him harder, forcing the other boy to submit himself to the moment.

Mello closed his eyes, his body relaxing at Matt's touch. Matt's kiss.....so familiar, so soft, so longed for.....Soon he lost himself in the familiar sensation, oblivious to anyone or anything else around them in the hallway. All he could see was Matt.

Mello's fingers tangled their way into Matt's hair as he returned the kiss, wrapping his arms around his friend's neck and pulling him close.

How he longed to continue this, to give in to everything his body and soul wanted. Mello was sure he would have -there was hardly anything that could stop him at this point- had he not been startled by a crash resounding from a few feet away.

Both boys immediately pulled apart and turned towards the source of the noise. The maid was standing in the hallway, her face pale and a tray laying at her feet – as she had covered her mouth with her hands, causing it to fall.

"Shit!" Mello cursed under his breath and instinctively searched his pants pockets, finally pulling out a wad of cash, which he quickly placed in the maid's shaking hands. "Don't tell my father about what you saw," he said warningly. "He can't know about this. If you so much as breathe a word of this incident to him or anyone else, I will personally see to it that you are dismissed."

"Y-yes..." she said, taking a step away before turning and disappearing up the steps.

Mello gave an agitated sigh and hit his head against the wall repeatedly. There was always something they had to hide from; they could barely even have five seconds alone together without someone interrupting them, or some risk of being caught.

"I'm sorry..." Matt said quietly. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have done that, not with the way things are."

Shaking his head, Mello stepped away from the wall. "It's not your fault. It's life. It hates us."

"I'm sure that isn't true," Matt said, with a slight smile, which faded a second later. "I suppose you regret kissing me now?"

Mello turned and looked back at Matt, his expression troubled, but his eyes sincere. "No," he said, walking over to the other boy. "I've never regretted one moment we shared together." And he slowly leaned forward to press his lips against Matt's once more.

That night, Matt came into Mello's room and sat down beside him on the window seat as the sun faded behind the trees. "Are you alright?" he asked the other boy softly.

"....Yeah."

"You've been crying."

"Observant, aren't you?" Mello replied bitterly.

"Mello...."

The other boy shook his head. "It's not fair," he said. "Everything is so damn screwed up lately. I can't even be with you without having to watch my every move, to make sure I don't say or do something that my father will take the wrong way."

"Mello, it'll be alright," Matt said, reaching over and placing his hand on the other boy's shoulder.

"No, it won't....." Tears began to stream down Mello's face, mixing in with the already present tear stains. "It'll never be alright.... And now....he'll find out....." Mello's voice grew higher and began to shake. "He'll find out, and it'll all be over......."

Matt gently pulled Mello into his arms as the other boy collapsed into a fit of sobs, wrapping his arms tightly around him. "Sh....it'll be alright. She won't tell him, she's terrified," Matt replied soothingly.

"Ich bin so höllenangst.....Ich liebe dich, Matt..." Mello's arms tightened around Matt as he buried his face in his shirt.

Matt gave a small laugh as he held Mello against him. "You know I can't understand you when you get upset, Mello. You start speaking that damn foreign language of yours."

"Sorry..." Mello said, his voice choked. "I just.... I just....."

"Sh....it's alright," Matt whispered. "Je t'aimerai toujours...."

"Wh-what?" Mello slowly raised up his head to look at Matt questioningly.

Matt smiled. "Never mind," he replied, gently wiping away the tears on Mello's face, before leaning in to kiss him. "I love you, Mello."

"I love you, too," he replied, bringing their lips together again. "I love you....so much...."

Rosetta stood in the hallway, straining to hear the conversation. With her limited language skills, she had only managed to catch the German sentence. He's scared....scared that I'll tell his father.

As Matt spoke again, she listened intently, trying to make sense of the foreign words.

"Whatever happens," he said, "I'll be here. ....I love you."

I...love...you. Those three words came up a lot in the conversation, though she wasn't sure what they meant. But the way the both of them had said it, and the sadness in Mello's voice..... I have to tell Markell. He ordered me too. But.... She peeked inside the doorway and felt her stomach drop. I can't..... Even if it isn't right in Markell's eyes, I can't simply tell him.... I can't help but feel sorry for the two of them. How hard they must have to try to hide this.

It was then that she made her decision.

-End of Chapter 13-

This was the first chapter I EVER attempted French, and back then I wasn't learning. So the sentence was really bad, because I just looked up each word at a time in a crappy online dictionary with no regard for usage... I think the original sentence was something like: "Moi volonté tu amour toujours".... So, uh, yeah. I would like to especially thank 'Salvi', the reviewer who politely corrected that huge mistake. However, I've been learning French lately, so hopefully it is much better:

Mon français n'est pas très bon, mais j'apprends le français maintenant. J'espère que je suis plus bon.... Je sais que je suis plus bon que mon première phrase en français....

« Moi volonté tu amour toujours... » Jesus, that sentence is laughable.

As for "Ich bin so höllenangst", it's supposed to mean something like "I am so scared", but my German sucks so I have no idea if it's right. And for the longest time I thought 'liebe' was 'leibe'. Ahaha.

And I still think of Rosetta Stone when I see the maid....