Chapter Thirteen

The next day, I felt worse. It seemed that the more time I let pass, the less I thought things could be fixed. I would have to talk to her today. I would talk to her somehow, even if I tripped over my words, even if I couldn't properly express the way I felt about her.

On the way to lunch after class, I hadn't heard anything from Kotoko. I hadn't even seen her. More than once I thought I should just call her. But I pondered if she would even pick up the phone for me. Last night was the most upset I'd ever seen her. I wouldn't have blamed her if she left me after that.

On the way to the cafeteria, all I could see around me was couples. They walked, held hands, laughed. My heart fell.

Walking past the cafeteria windows, I stopped and searched for Kotoko among the tables. I breathed a sigh of relief knowing that she'd arrived to class untouched. But I noticed how she was slouched over in her seat, not touching her food.

I should go in there…

Alas, with her friends surrounding her at every angle, I couldn't muster the courage. I left, figuring to catch her alone later. That was if I could manage to find her anyway.

I picked a bench to read on until the cafeteria was less crowded and set my bag by my feet. I rolled my tense shoulders and at least thanked God Kotoko wasn't with Keita. If she had been, I might've gone in there anyway. He would pounce at this opportunity.

For a moment, I stopped reading and wondered what I was doing. I could've gone in and pulled her away from her friends for a moment, and yet again I'd chosen incorrectly. But maybe my marriage was over anyway.

"Irie!" I jumped at the sound of Kinnosuke's voice as he ran toward me.

"What is it?" I closed my book.

His eyes frantic and possibly angry, he said, "You better get in there right now! Are you just gonna let that guy take her away from you?"

"Kamogari's in there?" I shot straight up. I didn't know how I hadn't seen him walk past.

"He's telling her to move in with him, you idiot! I didn't have her stolen away from me just so she could get stolen away from you too!" He scoffed and shook his head.

But he was right.

I started out walking and then I began to run as I felt sicker to my stomach. I would not let him get away with this even if I had to mend my marriage right in front of the whole campus. We were not over if I had anything to say about it, and I doubted Kotoko wanted to leave me either. I took a few breaths just outside the door before pushing them open.

Here goes nothing.

"It's not a marriage if one person doesn't need the other." Keita said in confidence, "You need me."

He took her hand then and I clenched a fist. Laying a finger on her was the last thing he needed to be doing.

"You're wrong." I said, "You're dead wrong." Kotoko caught sight of me and it looked like she wanted to cry all over again.

"Irie-kun…" She said, her voice wavering.

"Look who's talking. You've made her suffer for long enough." Keita took a defensive step toward me, "You can't make her happy, and you didn't deserve to marry her."

I tore my focus from him and landed on Kotoko, my puffy-eyed wife who looked to not have slept well because of me… and I knew how true it was.

"Yeah. That may be true…"

"It's not "may be". It is true!" He cut in.

I took a moment to gather my thoughts, thinking of how to explain myself. I came up with the simplest of answers.

"I was jealous." I said. Kotoko gaped at me and Keita seemed almost disgusted.

"Huh?"

"I was jealous of you, Kamogari. Up until now, things like jealousy or envy were emotions I hadn't experienced. But Kotoko has changed me."

Kotoko eyed me as if wondering if that were true, "They burdened me out of nowhere and I didn't know what to do with them, so I got lost and annoyed."

"What are you trying to say?' Keita said, still defensive as ever.

"Kamogari… you have a lot of those despicable feelings, don't you?" His mouth formed a tight line.

"Are you trying to pick a fight with me?"

"No," I said, now knowing exactly what I needed to say, "But you're not the one who needs her. I am."

Keita narrowed his eyes and looked away, peeved.

"Really, Irie-kun? Is that true?" Kotoko took a step toward me and gave me an expression that said her hope had been restored.

"Yes, it is."

"I…" she took a deep breath, as though she was about to cry, "I can really be with you?" She took her eyes off the floor and I could see the tears building up. I hoped they wouldn't spill.

I found a smile after all the pain we'd just been through, "Didn't I just say so?"

She wrapped her arms around me tight and I embraced her. I couldn't say I ever wanted to let go.

"I'll never leave you until I die." She giggled.

"I'm prepared for that." And actually, I was more than prepared. I was content with it.

As she pulled away, I traced my fingers along her cheek. I leaned toward her, but she flinched away.

"We're in the cafeteria!" I laughed as her face reddened.

"I almost forgot too." I felt the weight lift off my shoulders. She hugged me again.

"You guys are too cute." Marina said as she and the others watched us, though Keita had already left us.

I had a hard time pulling away from her.