Shiba Inu
Kankuro was going to be an uncle, again.
Ino, Temari, and Yumi Ito – or Yumi Akimichi, as she was now known since her marriage to Chouji and initiation into his clan – had, by some miracle of the gods, all fallen pregnant. Yumi and Temari had been first, with babies both due at the tail end of November, and then it was Ino's turn. The three members of Team 10 agreed that it must be some kind of sign, and that a third InoShikaChou trio was on the way. The original InoShikaChou trio were going to be grandfathers – for the second time, in Shikaku's case – and the three of them had gone out to celebrate. It had been a good year for them so far; Chouza had turned fifty in April, as had Shikaku in July – Inoichi, the baby of the team, had to wait until January - so Akimichi and Nara clans had been celebrating their heads' respective birthdays as well as the pregnancies. Although Kankuro had not been able to attend the Yamanakas' celebration of Ino's pregnancy, due to being called out to aid Hinata, Kiba and a couple of others on a mission, Chouji had invited him to Chouza's celebration, and he'd made sure he'd booked time off for Shikaku's birthday, on Temari's request. Of the original InoShikaChou trio, Shikaku was the one with whom Kankuro got on the best. Although Chouza had stopped regarding him as an enemy, and he and Inoichi were friendly enough – although Inoichi was the quieter of the two, and Kankuro sometimes wondered if he was all there – Kankuro found Shikaku much easier to talk to. There was something calming, almost Zen about him. Although he was the original Jounin Commander, and Kankuro knew of his reputation for being a brilliant shadow manipulator with a mind like a machine, away from war he was a gentle, even-tempered man with a love of nature and animals, who clearly adored his little granddaughter. Kankuro also had to admit that the blunt, informal Chouza and the wry, contemplative Shikaku made a fantastic double act. Always taking the piss out of each other, he thought, and yet they're as close as hell and they'd do anything for each other. Just like their sons. And Kiba and me.
On a cold day at the tail end of November, when the leaves in Konoha were turning a rich shade of brown and dropping from the trees in great showers, when the air was as clean and sharp as a chakra-infused knife and you could see your own breath, Temari was returning with Kankuro from a meeting with the Hokage when she suddenly doubled over and clutched her stomach. Kankuro was concerned, and immediately placed an arm round his sister's shoulders, as she leaned on the doorframe of the Nara compound for support.
"It's coming," Temari gasped. "I can feel it."
"Are you sure?" Kankuro asked.
"Of course I'm sure, you tit," growled Temari. With one hand still on the doorframe, she dragged herself into the Nara house and collapsed on all fours, and it was then that her waters broke and gushed all over the floor of the hallway, a thin smear of blood slowly creeping through the mess like a red worm. Kankuro called for help, and Yoshino and Shikaku came running out of the kitchen.
"Temari!" cried Yoshino. "Are you OK?" She looked at the puddle of amniotic fluid on the floor. "My gods! It's happening already?"
"The baby," moaned Temari. She heaved herself up. "Got to...get to the...hospital...aargh! Shit! I can't move!" She collapsed on her backside, propping herself up on her hands.
Yoshino sprang into action. She squatted down on all fours, made the seal of the Rat and said, "Kage Mane no Jutsu." In an instant, her shadow had attached itself to Temari's, and she got up slowly and carefully, taking Temari with her. When Temari was on her feet, Yoshino placed Temari's arm over her shoulders, placed her own arm around Temari's waist, and said, "I'll take you to the hospital. Do you think you can manage?"
Temari nodded, and doubled over in pain again. Yoshino wasted no time. She turned to her husband and Kankuro, and ordered, "You two, stay here and look after Taki," and escorted Temari to Konoha Hospital.
"I want Shikamaru," Kankuro heard Temari say. Yoshino's answer was inaudible, but Kankuro knew Temari would be looked after; her mother-in-law meant business.
"Should one of us get Shikamaru?" he asked Shikaku. The older man shook his head and said, "Yosh will do it. Don't worry about him for now." He went into the living room, and Kankuro followed him.
There came the patter of small feet down the stairs, and Takarazuka Nara entered the room, rubbing her eyes. "Where's Mummy?" she asked Shikaku.
"She's gone to the hospital with your granny," said Shikaku, "and when she comes back, she's going to bring you a new baby brother or sister."
Taki muttered something that sounded like 'troublesome', and Kankuro snorted. Shikaku began to set up a shougi board. "Taki?" he asked his granddaughter. "You want to play?"
"She's three years old!" Kankuro said, exasperated.
"Your point?" said Shikaku. "Just because she's three doesn't mean she's an idiot, Kankuro." He held up one of the pieces. "What's this, Taki-chan?"
"Knight," said the little girl without hesitation. "Like my daddy."
"And this?" Shikaku asked, holding up another piece.
"King, like Naruto-sama."
"And this?"
"Silver."
"So she knows the pieces," Kankuro said, "but can she play?"
"No need to talk 'bout me, Uncle Kankuro," said the little girl calmly. "I'm right here."
"That's you told," laughed Shikaku, and he and Taki began to play a game. Kankuro was admittedly clueless about shougi, but he was curious to see whether his little niece could actually play. To his surprise, she actually seemed to understand the rules, and a couple of times Shikaku scratched his head and said, "Well. That was unexpected." Looking at the dark-haired little creature moving the pieces around, frowning in contemplation just like her father, Kankuro found himself thinking that a kid who could play shougi with her grandad at three could make a pretty damn good puppeteer. After all, it was a job that required you to use your brain as well as your fingers, if not more. Maybe in a couple of years, he thought, I could train her.
Realising he should make himself useful, Kankuro padded into the Naras' kitchen. He filled a metal bucket with water and cleaning solution, and carrying it in one hand and brandishing a mop over his shoulder like a katana with the other, went out into the hallway and began to wipe up the mess. He could not help but laugh at the situation; here he was, a jounin of Suna and now Konoha, cleaning up the fluid that had leaked from his sister's womb. Even shinobi, he thought, have to do the housework.
When he finished, he went back into the living room to see how Shikaku and Taki's game was going, and found Shikaku sitting in a chair, one arm slung over the side, with his granddaughter curled up in his lap. Both of them were fast asleep.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
"...so, Matsuzaka's team have sent us a report saying they arrived safely in Kumogakure and will be heading back in a couple of days," Neji was saying to Naruto, as Shikamaru, Hiashi, Shibi, Chouza and Sakura were gathered around the Hokage's desk and looking at a map with a couple of ninja escort routes drawn on it, when Yoshino Nara came thundering in, almost breaking the door off its hinges.
"Do you mind?" said Hiashi, annoyed. "We're in the middle of a meeting here."
"Shikamaru," said Yoshino, ignoring the Hyuuga clan head, "Temari's in labour. She needs you. Now."
Naruto pointed to the door and said, "Go." As Shikamaru and Yoshino were about to leave, he added, "Good luck."
"Thank you," said Shikamaru, bowing, and he and his mother dashed off to the hospital.
"Ah, well," said Hiashi, sighing. "I suppose it can't be helped. It seems to be quite the season for births in Konoha. One of the kunoichi in the branch family has just given birth to twins, and Shibi, I believe your daughter is expecting?"
"Yes," said the Aburame clan head. "Suzumebachi is due to give birth in March, I think."
"It's so weird to think you're all going to be grandfathers," laughed Naruto. "And you already are, Hiashi and Chouza." Hiashi smiled faintly at this, forgiving Naruto for dropping the sama, and Neji was lost in thought. The births of Hiyori and Hiroshi, his niece and nephew, seemed to have had some kind of softening effect on his stern uncle. At a recent festival, Hiashi had carried little Hiyori on his back without a word of complaint, and had played with her and her brother while Hinata and Kou went off to spend some time alone together. Neji hoped fervently that he would be kinder to the grandchildren than he had been to either of his daughters. Chouji, meanwhile, had become a father three days ago, when his wife had given birth to a little girl, as yet unnamed. Shikamaru had told Neji that when Chouza had held his baby granddaughter for the first time, he had burst into tears of happiness. Shikaku had teased him until Inoichi had reminded him, "You cried when Taki was born, Pineapple. So shut it."
Of all these men, Neji thought. I am the only one who will never be a father. It didn't bother him as much as he thought it would. He knew his asexuality had cost him any chance of settling down with a woman and fathering a child, and he was happy enough to be an uncle to Hinata's children. Certainly, he was not the only one on his team who was not interested in starting a family. Although Lee had recently talked of adopting a child, Tenten, at least, was adamant that she never wanted children. "Even if I wasn't a dyke," she had recently said, "I wouldn't be having kids. I don't mind teaching them, that's cool, but being a mum? No way. There are dead animals with more maternal instincts than me. And I really don't want to have to take time out of my job. I can't afford to."
"OK," he said, rousing himself out of his reverie. "So where were we?"
"Once we're done here, by the way," Chouza said, "if it's alright with you, Naruto-sama, I'd like to go to the shrine to pray for Shikamaru. I'll try not to be too long."
"Take as long as you want, Chouza," said Naruto kindly, remembering the birth of his own son. "Take as long as you want." And he returned to poring over the map, his pencil between his teeth.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Sitting in the Nara kitchen, his chin resting on his hands, Kankuro remembered the day he had returned to Konoha. He had brought a letter of reference from Gaara, stating that Kankuro wished to help out at the Academy, in order to study the teaching methods of Konoha and report back to Suna. What he did not say in the letter, but what Kiba and Naruto knew only too well, was that Kankuro had had problems with his job back in Suna, and although the Academy had retracted his suspension, he had decided to leave Suna until things had calmed down.
To say that Kiba had been happy to see his lover return to Konoha would be an understatement. No sooner had Kankuro passed through the gates when two familiar figures knocked him to the ground, winding him, and licked his face. "Get a room," one of the patrol chuunin had jokingly shouted at the two men. Kiba had just laughed and ignored them, and Kankuro had picked himself up and told Kiba that he had to report to Naruto first, and then he would go back to the Inuzuka compound. Kiba's eyes had lit up. Had he had a tail, he would have wagged it.
He had reported to Naruto and Shikaku, the only Jounin Commander on duty – Chouza had gone home as he had clan matters to deal with - exchanged pleasantries about his journey and his sister's pregnancy, and discussed what his duties would be while in Konoha. Shikaku had told him to go and pick up a Konoha jounin's uniform and a forehead protector, as, he reasoned, it would probably be more appropriate for Kankuro to blend in rather than wearing his usual Puppet Squad gear. Kankuro had been fitted out for his uniform and purchased it, and when he returned to the Inuzuka compound, Kiba had burst out laughing, and Shikoku, his brother-in-law, had made some joke about Kankuro customising it and it had all been in good faith. Kankuro himself couldn't believe he was wearing the dark blue and olive green of Konoha, rather than his usual black or the brown and khaki of Suna, not to mention his forehead protector had that weird leaf symbol rather than the hourglass to which he was accustomed.
The sex had been amazing, albeit not as frantic as Kiba would have liked, because Kankuro was knackered and not feeling up to being penetrated or penetrating, so they settled for frot instead. Kankuro didn't care; he was merely glad to be holding that strong, lithe body in his arms again, to be breathing in Kiba's scent and running his hands through his hair and feeling the warmth of another body against his, another cock pressing against his. It had been so long, and he'd been getting sick of relying on his hand or his puppets for pleasure. They slept in Kiba's bed; it was a bit of a squeeze, but, Kankuro thought, we're ninja. We've both slept in worse conditions, and at least it's warm in here.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Kankuro stood in the Hokage's room, shifting from one foot to the other. Naruto played with a paperclip, whle Iruka and Chouza briefed Kankuro on his upcoming work at the Academy.
"You're going to be shadowing a couple of jounin," explained Iruka. "One teaches the younger kids, and also the ones with behavioural problems, and another one specialises in weapons usage. In fact, I think you've probably met them."
Chouza, who was standing by the door, noticed footsteps, and recognised the sound almost instantly. "As a matter of fact, Kankuro," he said, "they're here now." He grinned. "I don't think you're going to need to get acquainted with them."
There came a knock on the door, and a woman's voice calling, "Naruto-sama? We're here about the Academy." Kankuro noticed that she had a faint accent that he recognised, back from the time he and his siblings had entered the Konoha Chuunin Exams, to be from Tanokuni, or Otonokuni as it had become. That girl with the bells who had fought his brother-in-law had had the same accent. Good gods, he thought, please don't let it be some former agent of Orochimaru...oh, what am I thinking? Naruto isn't that thick.
"Come in," shouted Naruto, and Kankuro had to force himself not to let his jaw drop, as he recognised the two jounin he would be working with.
"Chouji?" he exclaimed. "Tenten?"
"That's right," confirmed Iruka. "You'll be shadowing these two. They'll show you the ropes and you'll be sitting in on their classes."
"You'll be with me tomorrow," said Chouji. He smiled lopsidedly. "Don't worry, I'll make sure the little...erm...darlings don't give you a hard time."
"He will, you know," laughed Tenten.
Bollocks, thought Kankuro. They'll walk all over him. He didn't dare say so in the presence of Chouji, his father and the Hokage. Instead he said, "Great. I'm looking forward to it."
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Kankuro sat opposite the door in the classroom where Chouji was due to be teaching. Although he did not have his facepaint on and was wearing a Konoha uniform and headband, some of the kids stared at him. They were talking amongst themselves, but he decided not to tell them to be quiet. After all, he was only an observer.
Then the door opened and Chouji walked in, his hair in a braid, and immediately the class stood up and were silent. Kankuro's jaw almost dropped.
"Good morning," said Chouji pleasantly. "Please be seated." Without a word, the kids sat down. "This here is Kankuro Sabakuno from Sunagakure," Chouji said, indicating towards Kankuro. "He's one of the leading Puppet Squad members, and he's going to be sitting in on classes. As you're all aware, Sunagakure are our allies, and the Kazekage is interested in our teaching methods. Hopefully, Kankuro will have plenty of knowledge to share with the Kazekage when he gets back. Feel free to ask him anything, as long as it's not too personal, and remember. You're all to treat him with the same respect you treat your own Konoha sensei. Understood?"
"Yes, Sensei," the class said as one.
Kankuro stood up, bowed, and said, "Pleased to meet you all." He sat down and waited for the inevitable whispered comment, but no, the students remained on their best behaviour.
Kankuro wondered how the hell the little bastards were so quiet. Surely Chouji was a pushover? But no, there he was, drawing a basic diagram of a human body on the blackboard and telling his students about human weak points, and he really seemed to know his stuff. He wasn't even chewing gum, for fuck's sake. "So," he was saying, "an enemy attacks you and you need to get him where it really hurts. Say you're going for the face. Where should you aim?" A small blond boy raised his hand. "Yes, Atsushi?"
"Eyes, Sensei," said Atsushi.
Chouji nodded. "Yes, the eyes. Very good place to aim for, because obviously if your enemy can't see you, you have an advantage right there. What are some of the ways in which you could blind an enemy? Any ideas?"
Various children put their hands up.
"Stab them with a kunai. Or gouge them out."
"Stick your fingers in them," suggested one child, holding up two fingers for emphasis.
"Smash their glasses and rub the glass in?"
"Use poison or a smoke bomb?"
"If the smoke bomb has any kind of poison, so much the better," Chouji said, as he rapidly wrote down the kids' suggestions on the blackboard, and drew an arrow to the diagram's eyes. "So you can obscure your enemy's vision, and choke him while you're at it. Right. Any more suggestions?" The room went silent. "Don't all rush at once," he said sarcastically. "Come on, there's a really obvious one. I'll give you a clue. It's a bit lower down."
Eventually one girl said, "Throat?" Chouji nodded, and drew an arrow to the throat. Kankuro began to daydream about his old days in the Suna academy, and was brought back into the room when he heard Chouji mention his name. The kids bombarded him with questions about Suna and he did his best to answer them until Chouji eventually stepped in and said, "OK, enough. You'll have plenty of time in future to ask Kankuro-sensei about his village. Class dismissed!"
There then followed an outdoor training session with Tenten, where she directed young genin to throw cardboard shuriken at a target, making the odd sarcastic comment about a kid's ability to throw, and helping them to position their small bodies in the correct stance. There then followed lunch, then another session with Chouji and a slightly older class – who seemed as in awe of him as the other lot had been - then his first session of marking. Chouji had given him a copy of the assessment criteria and told him that he and Tenten would be meeting up for drinks after work and Kankuro was more than welcome to come along. He went to one of the free classrooms, and found his brother-in-law sitting there, scratching his head and frowning over a pile of history essays.
"So," said Shikamaru, looking up, "how was your day?"
"Oh, not bad, not bad," replied Kankuro nonchalantly, before a sudden realisation struck him. "What is it with your team mate?"
"Which one?" asked Shikamaru. "I have two."
"Chouji," replied Kankuro. "I don't get it. I thought he'd be a pushover and the little ba-erm, darlings would be walking all over him 'cos he's so nice. But he walks in, they shut up. I don't know how he...hey, what are you grinning at me like that for?"
Shikamaru burst out laughing and banged his hands on the desk. "Oh, Kankuro. You really believe Chouji Akimichi is a pushover? Good gods, that's absolutely hilarious. I can't wait to see Chouza's face when I tell him you said that."
"Share the bloody joke," Kankuro growled. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen his brother-in-law laughing so much.
"Chouji," said Shikamaru, only slightly regaining control of himself, "killed an Akatsuki single-handedly and helped take another down. His reputation precedes him. It stands to reason that some of the kids are terrified of him, don't you think?"
"Fuck off."
Shikamaru shook his head, incredulous. "Come on, Kankuro, if anyone knows Chouji, it's me. So believe me when I tell you that any kid stupid enough to push Chouji too far learns very quickly not to do that. Very quickly. Oh, it's not like he'll punish them for any little thing. The kids do like him. But they know to stay on his good side. For their own sakes." He smiled conspiratorially at Kankuro. "It's the quiet ones and the nice ones you have to watch out for, you know."
"You're telling me," said Kankuro, scratching his head. "You've met my brother."
"I'm glad things are going well for you, anyway," said Shikamaru. "I'm sorry I can't come out with you later. Aunt Motoko needs help with the deer and Dad's briefing a squad for a mission, and Aunt Tomo's on duty tonight, so. Chouji and Tenten won't mind."
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
"Hi," Kankuro said to one of the medic-nin on reception at Konoha Hospital, shielding his eyes at the harsh glare of the fluorescent lights, "could you tell me where the maternity ward is, please? I'm Kankuro Sabakuno." He held up his teacher's ID card. "My sister's in there. Temari Nara."
"Top floor," replied the medic-nin. "Turn right and go up the stairs, and once you get to the top of the stairs, follow the signs."
"Any idea how she is? Is it out yet?"
The medic-nin checked the notes on her desk and said, "Yes. Baby was born about an hour and a half ago. No complications. She's only allowed to see family at the moment, so obviously you're OK to go up there." She smiled. "I'll let you find out the rest yourself."
"Thanks," said Kankuro, bowing, and he walked down the corridor in front of him, took a right turn and followed the medic-nin's directions. It was all he could do not to run up there at full speed. His mind was overflowing with questions. Was it a boy or a girl? Did it look like Shikamaru? Like Temari? Like Gaara or even Kankuro himself? Was Shikamaru there? Would he be allowed to hold it? How was Temari? Would Taki be jealous? Would he warm to the child? Of course you will, Kankuro chided himself. It's your flesh and blood.
Konoha Hospital was far bigger than Sunagakure's hospital, and Kankuro was grateful for the signage. It had been a long time since he had last been to the hospital, let alone the maternity ward. Why, he thought, must there be so many bloody corridors? Do they do this on purpose?
He was nearing another corner when he heard what seemed to be a male voice singing. Intrigued, Kankuro stopped in his tracks and listened. Whoever the singer was, his voice was, thankfully, pleasing on the ear. It was deepish, in the lower end of the tenor register – Kankuro knew some basics about music, being a keen singer himself – and sounded oddly familiar. As the singer came closer, Kankuro could discern words:
We're bringing out our chopsticks
And we're sharpening our knives
We'll feast upon the battle's spoils
With our husbands, kids and wives
We're the motherfucking Akimichi motherfucking clan
Fighting, eating, fucking
No-one does it like we can...
Kankuro snorted with laughter. He'd heard that song before.
Seconds later, Chouji walked round the corner, cradling a fat baby in his arms. He stopped singing and said, "Oh, hello."
Kankuro looked down at the baby. It was one of the biggest babies he had ever seen, and it appeared to be sucking its thumb.
"My daughter," said Chouji unnecessarily. He smiled warmly. "Isn't she beautiful?"
Kankuro wasn't sure that 'beautiful' was the right word to describe the baby, but he nodded. The baby woke up and began to cry. He winced at the sound.
"Ah, she wants feeding," Chouji said calmly. "Come on, let's get you back." Kankuro followed him into the maternity ward, where Temari, Yumi Akimichi, and a few other women were lying in a row of beds, some with babies, some without. Yumi looked drained, and was surrounded by a group of Akimichi women, one of whom was her mother-in-law, while Temari was holding her own tiny baby in her arms. She looked almost as drained as Yumi, and her face was sweaty and her hair plastered to her forehead, but Kankuro could not remember the last time he had seen her look so happy. Shikamaru was sitting in a chair by her bedside, and Kankuro could see that his face was tearstained.
One of the Akimichi women was undoing her jacket and saying, "It's OK, Yumi-chan, you're tired. I'll do it for you." She yanked down her bra, revealing an immense breast, and said to Chouji, "Pass her over." Chouji gently laid the screaming baby in the woman's arms, and immediately she latched onto the woman's nipple and began to feed.
"Ach, cheers," said Yumi. "Ah've fed her all Ah can, but she's affy hungry."
"Chouji was like that when he was a baby," Megumi reminisced. "He just would not stop feeding. I've got some ointment that will help you if your nipples are hurting, I know mine did when..."
"Mum," groaned Chouji. His face was rapidly turning the same colour as his jacket. "Stop it."
Shikamaru was watching and smiling. Kankuro went over to the couple and said, "Well, congratulations. How did it go?"
"Well," said Temari with a shrug, "I've been through worse pain. It helped having Shikamaru here, though."
"How are Dad and Taki?" asked Shikamaru.
"They were playing shougi, and then they both fell asleep," Kankuro replied, and Shikamaru laughed. "Just like Dad. They should be along later. Mum was here earlier to check on Temari, and she said she's going back to make tea and then bring Dad and Taki here."
"Can I hold..." Kankuro began to ask, and broke off when he didn't realise the sex of the baby.
"Him," Temari finished for her brother. "It's a boy." She turned to her husband. "Just like you always wanted, eh? A girl, and then a boy."
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Tenten, Chouji and Kankuro were sitting in one of the bars in Konoha, drinking pints. Chouji was chewing an entire pack's worth of gum, Kankuro was trying to decide whether he preferred the beer in Konoha to the beer in Suna, and Tenten was updating Chouji on Lee's condition.
"I saw him yesterday," she was saying, "and he's a lot better. 'Course, they're having to keep reminding him that he's not ready to be discharged yet and that he's not to run off and train, or he'll make himself ill again. Shizune says Neji told her Lee's chakra flow was shot to hell. They had to put him in intensive, there was so little of it left."
Kankuro stared. "What happened to Lee?" he asked. "Did he get ambushed or something?"
"Overtraining," said Tenten grimly. "Every second he's not on missions, he's training. He's not been right in the head since Gai-sensei died, but then a couple of weeks ago, he decided to work on opening the gates and the stupid git went up to the seventh gate and it used up nearly all his chakra. And then Neji got worried 'cos he was due to meet up with Lee for sparring, so he and Hiasha-sama went out to look for him 'cos Neji thought he'd need an extra Byakugan, and both of them were with Naruto-sama at the time, and they found him and he was lying under a tree...shit, sorry, Chouji." For Chouji had pressed his hand to his temple and looked as though he were about to cry, but instead, he just shut his eyes and exhaled heavily.
"So that explains what Dad and Hiashi were on about when I went in for debriefing," he said.
"Kiba says Hiashi's an arsehole," Kankuro said without thinking. "And that he wishes he was more like your dad."
Chouji lowered his eyes. "Yeah," he said, "but Hiashi didn't have a fucking breakdown and end up in hospital for a week because he couldn't drag his arse out of bed and kept crying and having panic attacks."
Kankuro was aghast. "I'm sorry," he said after an awkward pause. "I didn't realise."
"That's OK," said Chouji. He twisted a stray strand of hair around his finger. "Dad and Hiashi have a lot in common, you know. Not that either of them would admit it, but they do. They're both proud, they're both stubborn, they both hate admitting they're wrong. And they're both fuck-ups."
What happened to make him so talkative? Kankuro thought. In the few times he'd met Chouji before and in the few weeks after the war, he'd never really said that much, and not just because he was always shoving food in his mouth. Kankuro wondered if the very real risk of death had somehow caused Chouji to open up. Then again, Shikamaru had always said that the Akimichi were more emotional than the other noble clans. "Probably that's why we get on with them," he had theorised. "I mean, gods, you saw Dad at our wedding. A seasoned old jounin, but then I get married or Temari has a kid or a fawn gets injured and he has to put it down, and he could flood Suna. And then Chouji gets married and Dad's having to comfort Chouza." He snorted. "Ah, they're terrible, our parents. Shouldn't be allowed out."
"Aren't all shinobi fuck-ups?" Tenten said wryly. "Have you ever met one who isn't a fuck-up? And who isn't Shikamaru, Chouji, before you say anything."
"I've heard a lot about Hiashi from Kiba," Kankuro said. "I know he doesn't approve of us. And apparently he was cruel to Hinata."
"That's Hyuuga-sama for you," said Tenten with a shrug. "They've always been conservative. Although Neji's always been fine with me, but then he's Branch, so I guess he knows what it's like to be an outcast." Kankuro lowered his eyes. He knew Tenten had recently come out to her parents. They were still recovering from the shock, and the atmosphere in the house had become so bad that she had moved in with Lee.
Kankuro heard a soft popping sound, and saw Chouji peeling gum off his nose.
"When I look at Hiashi," he eventually said, "I don't see a monster. I see a very sad man. Neji's dad died years ago, didn't he? Hiashi's probably never got over it. You don't get over something like that, losing a sibling. Not that I'd know how it feels, but Shikamaru's the closest thing I have to a brother, and if he died, it would rip me into pieces. And Hiashi does love Hinata, you know. He's just crap at showing it. He's not emotional like Dad and Shikaku-san are, he bottles everything up. From what I know of him, there's so much he wants to say, but he can't, because he's...well, a Hyuuga, I guess. They're the noblest of the nobility, I guess they have to set the standard for the rest of us, or something."
"That's pretty much what Neji thinks," said Tenten. "You Akimichi aren't as messed-up as the Hyuuga are, but then that's eye clans for you."
Chouji smiled sadly. "The Hyuuga have always looked down on the Akimichi. Them and the Uchiha pretty much accepted the Aburame, even if they weren't an eye clan, but they've always thought of us as common and vulgar and too loud and we eat too much and fuck knows what else. They looked down on us way more than the other clans. Called us the 'cracked pillar'. But, hey, at least we Akimichi look after each other. And we aren't up our own arses."
"And you give bloody great parties," said Tenten. "I had to carry Lee home from the last one."
"Being nobility's not all it's cracked up to be," Kankuro laughed. "Although I think I can live with being known as 'the Kazekage's brother'. Better that than 'the Jinchuriki freak's brother'." To his relief, the other two shinobi were smiling.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
"Akamaru!" exclaimed Lee, as Kiba, a satchel slung over his shoulder, and his dog walked into the hospital room. "Good to see you, old boy! I did not think they would be letting dogs in here."
"I sneaked him in," Kiba said with a smile. "The old clone trick." He opened his satchel and brought out a magazine. "It's from Tenten, she knew you'd want to be up to speed with Aurora and The Magical Adventures Of Benji or whatever it's called. The one with all the fighting and stuff."
"That was awfully good of her," said Lee. He grinned. "She has been here quite a lot recently. And not just to see me."
"Did she turn someone into a walking pincushion or something?" Kiba snorted.
"I should jolly well hope not," said Lee indignantly. "She's a dashed good markswoman." His gaze darted around the room. "I will be out of here soon, they say. And not before time. I should be back on duty by the end of the month, if things go to plan, but Shikaku-sama and Chouza-sama are awfully concerned about sending me out on missions."
"Oh, Lee," groaned Kiba, "you're not going to push yourself too far again, are you?"
They talked for a while until Kiba heard footsteps. Instinctively, he pushed open the window and Akamaru bounded out. Seconds later, Shizune walked in.
"Hi, Kiba," she said. "How's Kankuro?"
"He's fine," replied Kiba. "I think he's gone down the pub with Chouji and that lot. He might need some help with poisons, he said."
"Just tell him to talk to me or Sakura," said Shizune, "and we can sort something out. Sorry to do this to you, but Lee needs to rest up."
"No probs," said Kiba. "See ya." He climbed out the window.
"I hope he didn't wear you out too much," said Shizune, but Lee shook his head. "Gods, no. I do not think anything could wear me out right now."
"Well, make sure you get some sleep," said the medic-nin, closing the curtains. "You'll be out in about three weeks' time, as long as you don't push yourself. I mean it, Lee. No sneaking off to train for hours on end."
As Lee settled down, Shizune went back to her office. She was sifting through a pile of paperwork when a knock came on the door and a familiar voice called out, "Shizune? You in there?"
Shizune went to open the door, and let her visitor in, saying, "You're a bit later than usual."
"Work commitments," said Tenten. She locked the door, and immediately, Shizune began to undo Tenten's jacket. She slipped it off Tenten's shoulders, and was about to unhook her bra when Tenten brushed her off and said, "Hold on, I need to get these things off." She sat on the edge of the bed and took off her shoes, and then swung her legs onto the bed and pulled off her vest top, eased her trousers and knickers down, casually flinging them in the direction of one of the black leather chairs, and lay smiling up at Shizune, her legs wide open.
Shizune bent over and unhooked Tenten's bra, and cupped her breasts in her hands.
"The doctor," she whispered in Tenten's ear, "is in."
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Back in the present day, the Kazekage's brother looked down at his little nephew and wondered what his name would be.
"So," said Kankuro, "you thought of a name for him yet?"
"Only insofar as it's got 'Shika' in it," said Temari. "Shikamaru-kun, you had any ideas yet?"
Shikamaru began to rattle off a list of names. "Shika, Shikasuke, Shikahei, Shikajiro, Shikataro, Shikano, Shikaji, Shikaza, Shikachi, Shikane, Shikato, Shikaro, Shikaki, Shikaya." He scratched his head. "Those are the main possibilities, I believe."
"Shikane," Temari said thoughtfully. "I like that. It has a nice ring to it." She glanced over at Yumi and Chouji. "You two thought of a name for your little Chou yet?"
"We're kinda stuck between 'Chouhi' an' 'Chouhana'," said Yumi. "We were thinkin' o' callin' her Chouko, but there's anither Akimichi girl wi' the same name, so it could get affy confusin'."
"Actually," Chouji broke in, "I've got an idea. How about Chouyomi?"
"What the fuck kind of name is that for a girl?" demanded Kankuro, shocked. "You're naming her after the depths of Hell!"
"Kankuro's right, Chouji," Shikamaru concurred. "Couldn't you call her something a bit more...pretty?"
Chouji snorted. "Don't be so ridiculous. I think her facial markings are starting to show already – normally they don't appear for a while – and it looks like she's going to have the same ones as Momo and Dad. And in our clan, those facial markings mean you're pretty fierce, plus, I have a feeling she's going to grow up to be a hell of a shinobi. I just do."
"I see what you did there," said Shikamaru. He smiled. "Well, Chouji, I guess you have your reasons. And she's got red hair, so she could be the second version of her grandfather. Quite a fierce kunoichi in the making, if that's the case." Kankuro, however, was more incredulous. "Chouji," he said, "she's a baby."
"Derrrrrr," said Chouji sarcastically.
Kankuro slapped his forehead. "I meant, smartarse, that it's a bit of a dark name to give to a baby. Hell, why don't you call her Chou-Oni or something while you're at it?"
Chouji was beginning to get visibly irritated. "She's my daughter, Kankuro, and I trust my instincts," he snapped. "Yumi, you're her mum, what do you think?"
"Ah like it," said Yumi. "At least it's original. An' it'll pit off onny bullies." She laughed, and Temari joined in. "Shikamaru's right, she is gonnae be the second comin' of Chouza."
"So that's settled then," said Shikamaru. "Chouyomi Akimichi and Shikane Nara. Now all we need is our little Ino."
Three months later, Ino Yamanaka's waters broke in the middle of the Interrogation headquarters, and Sai, who was with her at the time, brought her to Konoha Hospital on one of his ink birds. Within a few hours, under Sakura's watchful eye, she had given birth to a tiny, milky-white baby boy with pale blond hair. Inosuke Yamanaka had arrived, and although they would not know it for some years, the new InoShikaChou trio had been formed.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. The nights grew shorter, bare-branched trees that resembled tangled shadows began to sprout leaves again, and flowers emerged from the earth. The air grew warm, then hazy and close – though nowhere near the relentless heat that Kankuro was used to – then cool again. Leaves turned red and orange and crunched beneath the feet of the citizens. Lee was back on duty now, and was talking about adopting a child. Shinobi came and went, some returning unscathed, some needing a quick trip to or a long stay in Konoha Hospital, some bearing the sad news of their colleagues' deaths. Shikaku and his twin sisters watched their deer nurse their fawns. Jiraiya played with Taki while their parents discussed tactics and missions; Hiroshi Hyuuga was learning to walk, and Hiashi held his tiny hand as he took one faltering little step after another; wavy purple lines became visible on Chouyomi's face, running from under her lower eyelids to her jawbone, and the Akimichi women continued to take turns nursing her. Hana Inuzuka fell pregnant for the third time.
For Kankuro, life in Konoha seemed easier than he had originally thought, but always, at the back of his mind, there was the nagging doubt that this could not last forever. He missed Gaara, his old students, Matsuri, the Puppet Squad, Baki and his family, the Academy genin, the Harumichi clan and their banter when he went to their compound to discuss poisons. It wasn't just the people he missed, either; he missed his bedroom and his old workshop, the adobe buildings of Suna, the long clear nights where you could see miles and miles of stars, the Shrine of the Lucky Gods, the hookah bars where civvies and off-duty shinobi would sit and inhale fruity tobacco, the smell of roasting meat and exotic fruit and spices from the street stalls, the bars where the Puppet Squad would hang out and sometimes raise hell, the sound of vendors calling to each other and people talking and laughing and arguing, the Suna accent itself. Temari had not lost hers, but what if she woke up one day and started saying 'barth' instead of 'bath' like Shikamaru did?
He really did love Konoha. It was cooler than Suna, and the people might have seemed more restrained than the people of Suna (although most of the Akimichi and Inuzuka would have fitted right in), and Ichiraku's did do some killer ramen, and as much as he hated kids, he did enjoy supervising training sessions at the Academy and lecturing on puppet jutsu, not to mention hanging out with Chouji and Tenten and Lee and Shikamaru and all the rest of them. He was used to wearing the outfit and forehead protector of a Konoha shinobi. Green did suit him, after all. He got on well enough with the Elders; hell, he'd even had dinner with the Akimichi head family a couple of times, and Chouza and Megumi had made him feel right at home, and Yumi had raved about what a laugh Temari was and plied him with questions about Suna. And the Nara had been great. He'd met more clan members, and although they'd taken the piss out of him a bit, they certainly hadn't told him to fuck off back to his own country like some of the other shinobi had. Not everyone had gotten over the Orochimaru incident, after all. Kankuro didn't care. The opinions of a few random ninja didn't matter to him.
But Kiba's opinion did, and Kankuro was torn. One day, he would have to go back, and then they would be back to writing letters and waiting for leave. We cannot go on like this, Kankuro thought. Something's got to give.
What he was really scared of admitting, even to Kiba, was that he was afraid something would happen to Gaara. Sasori and the androgynous blond man who'd accompanied him were long dead, but Kankuro knew that there would be others like them, and besides, there were always going to be people in Suna, whether he liked it or not, who saw his little brother as nothing but a monster. Gaara had Baki, the Takano, the Harumichi, most of the village and several elders on his side, but no-one - not even Baki, the closest thing Kankuro had ever had to a father - knew him like Kankuro did, and Kankuro had always regretted not being able to save him from Akatsuki.
He and Shikaku and Chouza had once joked about being older brothers, and how the gods had created younger siblings with the sole intention of pissing the older kids off, but the two older men had grown serious. "Tomoko and Motoko," Shikaku had said, "are troublesome women, don't get me wrong, and they're a right pair of wind-up merchants, but even though we're all adults with kids of our own, I'm always going to want to protect them. Even though they'd end up protecting me, more likely."
"Same with Zaku-chan," Chouza agreed. "She'll always be my little sister. I'm fifty years old, she's forty-four, and she still calls me 'nii-san'. I'm surprised she doesn't ask me to carry her on my back anymore. But if anyone hurt her, just like if anyone hurt Chouji or Megu, I'd tear them to pieces with my bare fucking hands. I'd rip out their throat with my teeth."
Kankuro wondered if he should mention Gaara. Fuck it, he thought, they'll know anyway, since Tsunade got the message back then. "If I'm honest, I'm the same about Gaara," he offered. "He's well stronger than me, he's the Kazekage, but I'll always look out for him. I'd say that I'll kill anyone who harmed him, but...well...I didn't do a very..."
Shikaku cut him off. "The past is past, Kankuro," he said sternly. "Gaara is alive and well. Your sister certainly doesn't hate you for it. She's talked about it a few times, what happened, and at the end of the day she was just bloody glad that Sakura-sama managed to save you. And Chouza, don't you start either," he added, as he heard his team mate inhale. "You don't want to go back into hospital, do you?"
"Gods, Shikaku, you sound like my wife," Chouza said testily. "Don't worry, I'm not going to start crying on you or anything." Kankuro thought of Lee, and what Kiba had said about him after he'd seen him in hospital.
"It is true, though," the Akimichi clan head continued. "No matter how old you are, no matter if they're stronger than you, if you have a younger brother or sister, you're always going to want to protect them."
"Maybe that's why the gods created older brothers," pondered Shikaku. "To protect their siblings."
"Don't forget older sisters," laughed Kankuro, and Shikaku grinned. "How could I?"
Gaara, Kiba, Temari, Kankuro thought, now back in the present. The three people I love most in the world. And one of them might hate me soon.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Trudging back to the Inuzuka compound in the dark after a long discussion with Naruto, Neji, Shikamaru and Shikaku about the possibility of collaborating with Suna shinobi on an escort assignment, Kankuro was greeted by the familiar sight of Akamaru bounding towards him. He let the dog place his paws on his shoulders and lick his face, and tickled his ears, knowing full well that he was stalling for time. With a heavy heart, he stopped petting the dog and allowed him to lead him into the house. Kiba greeted him as usual. He did not kiss Kankuro, as Tsume was in the room – as were Shikoku, Hana and the boys – and he did not want to make her uncomfortable, but he gave Kankuro a brief hug and ruffled Akamaru's fur.
After the Inuzuka and Kankuro had had dinner, and Shikoku and Hana had put the kids to bed, Kiba took off his shirt and flak jacket and sat on his bed, idly kicking his feet against the various boxes stored under it and waiting for Kankuro to finish in the bathroom. Kankuro came in, brushing stray drops of water off his face, and Kiba asked, "Where were you earlier? I didn't think you'd be back this late."
"With the Hokage," Kankuro said. "I had to report to him about a possible joint mission with Suna. He doesn't half go on at times. I swear, him and my brother might be the same age, but sometimes I see Naruto and Jiraiya and I wonder which one of them is the kid."
"Naruto," sighed Kiba, "is a decent guy, but he's well naïve at times. And he doesn't always get it right. I think it's 'cos he's not in a clan, so he doesn't know all the clan politics and shit. You know Chouji never forgave him for putting him in a bad position with his clan?"
"Remind me," said Kankuro, scratching the back of his neck, playing for time. He felt annoyed at Kiba for not questioning him further or being suspicious and rabbiting on about his friends, then felt even more annoyed at himself for expecting such a thing of Kiba, particularly as he probably would have retorted, "What is this, an interrogation?" or something equally inane. Surely the fact that his lover trusted him was a good thing?
"It's a nobility thing," Kiba explained. "Shino told me about it a while back. The three noble clan heads – so that's his dad, Hinata's dad, and Chouza - have a rule that anyone who betrays the clan will be hunted down and killed. And that includes anyone in the head family. And...well, you read my letter. I think I mentioned Hinata and Chouji worrying about their dads going mental about the...you know. 'Cos their dads would see it as treachery. Hinata's not said anything, she still thinks the sun shines out of Naruto's arse and anyway, she feels she owes him one 'cos he's the reason she's gone back into service, but Chouji...yeah, he's kind of bitter about the fact that Naruto made him choose between him and his family for Sasuke's sake. Him and Shikamaru always hated Sasuke."
Kankuro grunted. Kiba frowned. "Hey, what's up? You've been in a weird mood all evening. Kids pissing you off or something?"
"It's not the kids, Kiba," Kankuro said, "although it's...kind of related."
This was not going to be easy. He noticed that Akamaru's ears had pricked up. Kiba instinctively scratched the big dog's head to calm him.
"What is it, Kankuro?"
"This isn't going to be easy for me," Kankuro said, "so...just be quiet and let me talk, OK? You can ask me questions when I'm done, but I need to get this over with."
He began to pace the floor. Kiba looked up at him expectantly. Just like a dog, Kankuro thought.
"It's like this," he offered. "Don't get me wrong, I like Konoha and I've been having a great time and everyone's been so helpful, and I'm grateful your family put me up, and it's been great seeing Temari and Shikamaru again, and teaching at the Academy was an eye opener, but...it's been a while I've been here now, and I've been wondering how Gaara is...and Baki, and the rest of them. I know there's a lot of, erm, bad blood there and shit but it's been a while now since, since that incident at the Academy, and Gaara did help me get my job back..." Damn it, Kankuro! His mind screamed. You're always telling people to get to the point, and here you are, rambling on like an idiot! Just tell him! But he found himself unable to stop, and continued, "I mean, I'm sure the Academy won't mind, Chouji and Tenten have helped me a lot, they're great, and Chouza and Shikaku would probably get on with our Jounin Commander like a house on fire, I think she knows them, but anyway, look at me going on. The point I'm trying to make is...the point is that...what I'm trying to say is that..."
Tell him, you stupid fucking twat. Tell him.
All the while, Kiba was sitting there, looking up at him. Kankuro wished he had a bone to throw him. There was something inquisitive, almost childlike, about his gaze. It was like being stared at by one of the little genin, or Naruto. Kankuro wanted to throw his arms around Kiba's neck and hold him close and tell him everything was going to be alright, somehow, but he held himself back.
He shut his eyes, and stopped pacing. He scratched the back of his neck. He opened his eyes, dug his thumbnails into his palms, looked Kiba in the eye, and blurted out, "It's time for me to go back to Suna. I've been away for so long and I need to go back. I'm sorry, Kiba, but I have to go back. It's my home. Gaara needs me."
Kiba sat bolt upright, as though a spark had passed into his body and travelled up his spine. His jaw dropped slowly, and his eyes seemed wider than usual. Akamaru was also sitting to attention, his ears erect, his tail thumping the floor.
Kankuro waited for the inevitable outburst, but Kiba merely said something indiscernible.
Kankuro frowned. "Sorry, what?"
"I said," Kiba repeated, louder this time, "I. Am. Coming. With you."