Reconciliation

Chapter Thirteen

Aramis' palms were damp in contrast to his mouth which felt like a desert. He knew that if he allowed Porthos to leave he would lose a friend and brother for good. "Do you want some company?" he asked, wiping his palms on his breeches. He hoped Porthos couldn't detect the nerves he was feeling.

"Say what?" Porthos stopped and looked at him with undisguised shock.

"I asked if you wanted some company."

"Is this some kind of joke?"

"I can assure you that I am quite serious."

"Why?"

"Because you're right. What you're doing is a good thing and I let my prejudice blind me to that."

Porthos dropped back into his chair. "You mean that?"

"I can't tell you I'm happy but I do understand. People are dying. People you care about. It was selfish of me to hold you accountable."

"You'd really come with me?" Porthos leaned forward with an intense and unsettling stare.

Aramis was encouraged by the subtle shift in Porthos' demeanour and the almost pleading tone to his voice. "Yes. I have to get past my hatred of the Court if we are to have any future. It helps that I know my knee is going to heal. If I had been left with a permanent disability things might be different."

"But, the things I said…"

"You were standing up for what you believe in. Show me, Porthos. Show me the other side to the Court. The people who need our help."

"Gladly."

"I think it would make it easier to understand if I knew what your life was like." He studied his friend's face wondering if he had gone too far. "If you feel you can tell me."

Porthos poured more wine for them both and stared off into the distance. "It was hard. There wasn't anyone like Flea watchin' out for us when we were children. Flea, Charon and me, we lived on the scraps that we could steal. When we got older we stole and cheated and earned respect. We ran the streets. We were never violent, mind. I never killed anyone until I joined the army."

"Why did you leave?"

"I always felt there was more to life. I wanted more. Flea and Charon, they were content with what they had. I never felt right there."

"Yet you still feel a kinship with them."

"It's what a Musketeer does isn't it? Looks out for those who can't help themselves. You helped even after everything that happened to you."

"Yes, I did. I'd lost sight of that." He thought back to the elderly woman who had been close to death thanks to poison in her food. If not for him she wouldn't have survived the night. He couldn't deny that he had felt a warmth in his body at the knowledge that he had been of use.

Porthos sat back and crossed his arms. There was a challenge in his voice when he next spoke. "Why didn't you tell me about your knee?"

"I was afraid you would blame yourself like you did when I was taken."

"So you chose to risk our friendship instead?" Bitterness wasn't far from the surface.

Aramis gave a wan smile, knowing that this reconciliation wasn't going to be easy. "Not one of my better ideas."

"I thought you were punishin' me for helpin' them."

"Maybe I was. I was angry and hurt and I wasn't giving any consideration to your feelings. But, mostly I didn't want to burden you."

"You're an idiot."

Was he imagining a hint of fondness in Porthos' voice? He drew in a shuddering breath. "Perhaps. It seems like we were both trying to avoid hurting the other and ended up nearly destroying our brotherhood."

"Yeah, it looks that way." Porthos stood up and held out his hand. "If we're goin' to the Court we need to get our horses. I'm not havin' you walk all that way and worsenin' your knee."

Aramis grasped his hand and allowed Porthos to pull him to his feet. "We could collect Athos and d'Artagnan as well. I'm sure they would like to know what Flea's decided."

"Seems fair."

It wasn't far to the garrison but they walked in strained silence. Aramis was battling his nerves and had the feeling Porthos was afraid to speak in case he shattered their tenuous truce. They were within sight of the archway when Porthos stopped walking and turned to him.

"You don't have to come."

"I think this is something I need to do."

Porthos nodded. "If you're sure."

They found Athos and d'Artagnan in the mess hall finishing their dinner. Athos looked from one to the other with a raised eyebrow.

"We're goin' to see Flea. Wondered if you wanted to come," Porthos said.

"Have you resolved your differences?" Athos asked.

"We're working on it." Aramis directed a tentative smile at Porthos.

"You're really going back to the Court?" D'Artagnan sounded surprised.

"Yes. Are you coming?"

"Wouldn't miss it." D'Artagnan stood up and grinned at them.

Athos looked less enthusiastic. "Are you sure about this?"

"Of course," he lied. In truth his heart was hammering so hard he was surprised they couldn't hear it and he was breaking out in a cold sweat. But it was worth it just to see the pleasure on Porthos' face. He had come within a hair's breadth of losing his brother and he was determined to make sure that didn't happen.

"Well, then, let us go and see what the queen of the Court has decided." Athos stood and put his arm around Aramis' shoulders. "There is nothing to fear, brother. We will be with you."

"I know."

"What do you think Flea will do?" d'Artagnan asked.

Porthos shrugged. "No idea. It'd be hard to lose the children even though it would be the best thing for them."

"I don't imagine it will be her decision alone." Athos steered Aramis towards the door undoubtedly alive to the tension in his friend's shoulders.

"It's a difficult choice," Aramis said. He didn't envy her. The Queen had made a generous offer but it came at a cost. "No one could fault her if she turned it down."

They reached the stables and began saddling their horses. When Aramis mounted he pushed down his unease. This was his one chance to prove to Porthos that he was sincere and he didn't intend to waste it.

Tbc