So this was supposed to be a pretty short chapter meant to alleviate my boredom, feed into my procrastination, and reward the few fantastic reviewers that left some awesome feedback on the last chapter. And then this happened. I guess the universe thought you guys really, really needed a reward, because this chapter went to completely out of control. I could have (and possibly should have) split this into two chapters, but I liked how it worked out. Hopefully you guys do too!
Quinn had been quiet since they'd left Akron and the B&B almost an hour before and it was starting to worry Rachel. She had attempted, unsuccessfully, to engage in a conversation but Quinn barely gave a one or two word answer before falling silent. Rachel wanted to push, but she knew that while Quinn had grown up a lot since high school, there were still times where she tended to recede inside of herself and hide behind her walls. It was moments like these when Rachel couldn't help but let old insecurities flare to life. How could you not be insecure when the person you were attracted to was Quinn Fabray? She was gorgeous and talented and smart and could be the sweetest person ever, she was fiercely loyal and protective, and god, did she mention beautiful? Because Rachel knew she had never seen anyone as stunning and amazing as Quinn. But Quinn had been quiet and it was leaving Rachel with far too much time to think about far too many worse case scenarios even as she hoped she was wrong. Quinn was quiet because she was missing her sister that she'd finally reconnected with, not because she wasn't regretting what had happened between them the night before.
As much as she was worried, Rachel couldn't help but smile a little as she thought about it. That kiss had been the perfect first kiss. It was the kind of thing you read about, watched on movies, heard about in love songs, but rarely got to experience in real life. It had honestly been the perfect moment. They decided to call it a night afterward, both somewhat embarrassed with the audience surrounding them. It had felt strange to get hugs from both innkeepers and Quinn's sister, hearing them all tell her what a cute couple they made. Rachel blushed fiercely when Fran had told her it was about time. But all of that, the embarrassment and the nerves were overshadowed by the complete euphoric happiness that surrounded her every time Quinn would catch her eye and smile shyly.
Rachel very much felt like she was back in junior high school again, getting her very first kiss and then dancing around one another when they'd returned to the room. They both acted skittish, not speaking as they prepared for bed; just smiling at one another each time they looked at the other, which was every few seconds. Rachel was sure her heart was going to beat out of her chest when Quinn had climbed into bed beside her. They'd laid there for what seemed like hours, both on their sides staring into the other's eyes as Quinn played with Rachel's fingers under the blanket. It was absolutely perfect.
They'd shared a small kiss before heading off to breakfast that morning, enjoying their last few hours with Quinn's family before Fran had to leave to return to Cincinnati. It was shortly after when they loaded up the car that Quinn seemed to pull away. The farther they got from the bed and breakfast, the farther Quinn seemed to climb inside of herself and it was starting to bother Rachel. She had hoped if she had given Quinn some time the woman would have opened up to her, but Quinn just continued to stare out the window, leaving Rachel wondering what she'd done wrong. She knew it was probably irrational, and she knew she had a tendency to blow things out of proportion, but she couldn't stop her brain from jumping to conclusions. Even as she tried to tell herself it was nothing, no big deal, that Quinn may have been tired, or missing her sister, or pondering life, the silence began to eat at her. With each mile that passed, Rachel felt her irritation grow and she fought back the urge to yell at Quinn, to tell her that if she really didn't want to be with Rachel, she should just have the guts to tell her as much. Which just made Rachel irritated at herself for such irrational thought.
Rachel huffed and flicked on her turn signal to take the next exit. She needed to get out of the car and away from Quinn for a few minutes before she did something stupid. Like yell at Quinn for not talking to her. Or try to force her to talk. Which she knew from experience was like trying to walk through a brick wall –you just end up nowhere and in complete pain from trying.
"Why are we stopping?" Rachel almost jumped from the unexpected sound breaking the silence after so long and gritted her teeth in annoyance.
"I need some coffee." She tried to keep her voice smooth, but it was difficult. Her worry had irreversibly shifted to anger, and even as she tried to take a few cleansing breaths, it seemed to grow.
"They won't have a vegan option."
Rachel knew most gas stations didn't, which is why she usually made sure to bring along a thermos of coffee when away from big cities. Animal products hid in the stupidest places. She rolled her eyes.
"Well then, I feel the need to stretch my legs."
"Rae? We've only been on the road less than an hour."
Rachel calmly took a deep breath. "Yes, and in that hour, you've completely ignored me. So forgive me for needing a little stimulation."
"Well if you want some stimulation…" Quinn smiled and wiggled her eyebrows, only to have them furrow moments later as Rachel glared at her.
Quinn sighed and shook her head internally. Rachel was mad and a joke wouldn't sooth it over.
"So you've gone from ignoring me to being concupiscent, imploring puckish mannerisms to try to reach your intended goal?"
Quinn raised an eyebrow. "Can you please stop pretending to be a dictionary for two seconds and tell me in English what has your panties in a bunch?"
Rachel glared over at Quinn as she put the car in park and jumped from the barely stopped vehicle. Quinn cursed under her breath as the diva stormed away.
"What the hell just happened?" Quinn asked the air as she reached over and pulled the keys from the ignition.
Quinn looked up at the building Rachel disappeared into. She ran her fingers through her hair, trying to make sense of it. She knew that Rae had saw her pulling away, but she had allowed her to. She hadn't pushed, hadn't tried to make her talk and it made Quinn fall just a little bit harder for the amazing brunette. She figured that Rae knew her well enough to know she needed some time to work out what was going on in her head. Maybe she should have pushed passed her comfort level to talk to Rachel about it, but her head was kind of a mess and she just needed some time to figure it all out. Her sister and her had spoken alone before they'd left and her feelings and emotions were all over the place. Quinn mentally kicked herself. All she would have had to do is tell Rachel her sister had dropped some stuff on her and Rachel would have understood, would have given her the time and space to process.
Instead, she was angry and it was Quinn's fault. She just couldn't understand why she as so angry. This wasn't the first time since they became best friends that Quinn had pulled back. It almost always led the blonde to apologizing. She tried think of what was different and the only thing that she could come up with… was…
"Oh god. I'm SUCH an idiot!" Quinn jumped from the car to go search for Rachel, finally realizing why she was so upset.
"Rae?"
Rachel refused to look up, trying to decide which of the brands of coffee in front of her might taste the least horrible and not cause her to completely disregard her vegetarian lifestyle. Animal products hid in the most unusual places.
"Rachel, I'm sorry."
"I don't want to talk to you at the moment."
Quinn laid her hand on Rachel's arm, happy the woman hadn't yanked her hand away. "I'm sorry, Rae. I could never, never regret what happened. I know you don't want to talk to me, but can you please listen?"
She waited and when an answer didn't come, she took it as acceptance and opened her mouth to speak when a gentleman cleared his throat behind them. Quinn looked back as the man motioned for the coffee they were standing in front of and nodded, pulling Rachel with her.
"Can we… I don't really think I can do this standing up, and I want to be able to look at you when I try to explain. So can we go sit down? We can get some coffee at the diner and I can try to explain?" She watched Rachel shift from one foot to the other, still refusing to look at her. "I know you don't believe me yet, but please Rae? I promise this isn't to do with us."
Quinn wouldn't have noticed Rachel's shoulders sag or the small sigh of relief she gave if she hadn't been watching so closely and felt even more like an idiot. Quinn looked around and pulled them another few inches into a hallway that led back to the bathrooms and showers. She lifted her fingers to Rachel's chin until Rachel's eyes me her own.
"I'm sorry for making you think that I regretted anything. You are the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. Please forgive me for worrying you?"
Rachel looked into Quinn's eyes, judging her sincerity. She sighed and nodded when she found nothing but love and hope looking back at her. Even if she wanted to, she couldn't stay mad when Quinn was looking at her like that, speaking softly all the words she needed to hear. She breathed a sigh of relief when Quinn leaned down to softly brush her lips.
She laughed lightly at Quinn goofy grin and pushed the woman away from her, shaking her head. Damn Quinn and her being so damn adorable. She huffed and playfully stormed off towards the small café attached to the gas station, loving the sound of Quinn's laugh that echoed behind her.
"So?" Rachel asked as the waitress brought them coffee and a huge bowl of non-dairy creamer at Quinn's request.
Quinn knew what Rachel was waiting for and tried to decide what exactly to say. She was still processing, but she knew that Rae deserved an explanation after she'd worried her. Plus, she was trying not to be that girl who hid behind mask and walls, insecurities and old pain. Her emotions must have shown across her face because she soon had a tiny hand grasping hers from across the table.
"If you really don't want to tell me Quinn, you don't have to. I was just worried that you regretted the kiss and got angry that you couldn't tell me that."
"I meant it when I said that I could never regret that Rae. Never." Quinn tried to smile, but was sure it looked at forced as it felt. "And I do want to talk to you, it's just, my head's kind of a mess right now."
"I can give you time and space, Quinn. I just need you not to shut me out completely. Rationally, I knew that it probably had nothing to do with us, but…" Rachel shook her head. "…emotions aren't rational, nor are insecurities. And you pulling away left every single one of those insecurities screaming at me what I wasn't god enough, pretty enough, talented enough."
"Rae…"
"I know it's not true, I do; but like I said, emotions and insecurities aren't rational." Quinn ran her thumb over the back of Rachel's hand and waited, knowing that she wasn't quiet done. "Can you at least tell me why? You said it wasn't to do with us, and I'm trying to accept that…"
"It's just difficult to, I get that. And I guess if it were the other way around, I would probably would have felt the same way. What's going on between us is so new, and I have a history of running away from change, so I get why you'd think that. But please know that I could never regret one of the most amazing moments of my entire life."
Rachel looked up in wonderment at the sanguine statement. "Most amazing?"
"Second only to holding Beth the first time." The smile that filled Rachel's face and the love that filled her eyes gave Quinn the strength to tell her what had her so stressed out. Quinn let her smile fade to a grimace and tried to take a deep breath around the sudden lump in her throat.
"Fran told me that our mother would like to see me. She apparently wants me there for Christmas."
"I take it Fran told your mom you were coming."
Quinn nodded and took a sip of her coffee, remembering the conversation with her sister. She wasn't sure if she wanted to be mad at Fran for telling her or thank her for opening the door. It had been a long time since she had saw her mother and she wondered if now wasn't the best time to finally have closure on the relationship.
"Fran talked to her last night. Apparently mother knew she was coming to see me and wanted to know how it went. She wanted to know how I was and insisted that Frannie tell me she'd love to see me."
"That's a good thing isn't it?"
Quinn pulled her hand back into her lap. Rachel knew it was Quinn's way of holding herself together, but she hated when Quinn pulled away and tried to understand.
"I'm not sure."
"I…" Rachel stopped, trying to figure out even how to broach the subject. She knew that this trip already had the potential to be an emotional rollercoaster for Quinn, seeing Beth and Shelby for the first time in a few years. She knew Shelby and Quinn had tentatively patched things up, her mother had even allowed Quinn to see her Beth in person a few times. Their relationship was still a rough area for both mothers and this would be the first holiday that Quinn had ever gotten to spend with her daughter. She wasn't sure how Quinn would handle having to deal with her own parental issues on top of that.
She knew that Quinn never really got over her mother letting Russell kick her out. Quinn couldn't understand as a mother who loved her child and would do anything for her, even if she was being raised by another woman, she couldn't understand how someone could do that to their own flesh and blood. Rachel could remember the night that Quinn had finally broke down and dealt with the pain of losing her child and her family only months apart. It had become the first stepping stone to their closer relationship. She knew that Quinn only spoke to her mother once or twice a year and had never felt like she could live up to the woman's expectations –even if they had been lowered after Beth's birth.
"I'm trying to understand, Quinn, I guess it's just difficult for me because I haven't had to go through all you have. I always wanted a relationship with my mother and you saw how well that went. Yet, even though she hurt me, I couldn't help but want her in my life. I know that Judy has hurt you on multiple occasions, and that it may be difficult to put yourself in that position again… " Rachel sighed, trying to think of how to put it. Rachel only had one answer and knew it wasn't logical, nor would it fix everything, but it was the only thing that she could come up with. "but she is your mother."
The two women sat quietly, each caught up in their own thoughts as they drank their coffee. Rae was one of the few people in her life that she ever felt comfortable enough opening up to and she knew that she was the one person who would never judge her. Quinn knew that what Rachel needed right now was for her to let her walls down so she tried to figure out how to put it into words. She understood what Rachel was saying. It was the same thing she thought of when comparing her relationship to her daughter with the relationship her and her own mother had.
"I don't even know if I can explain it, Rae. I told you when I was sick a few weeks ago that I didn't know what it's like to have someone take care of you when your sick. I didn't have a parents like yours. I didn't have a mom who would kiss away the pain when of a skinned knee, or to hold me when my heart had been broken. Frannie did that for me, she was my family; when she left, it was just me and two strangers who had raised me to be just like them and I hated them for it. So I don't have a mom, I have a mother." Quinn sighed and looked down at her hands folded in her lap.
"Even so, I guess you're right. There will always be a part of me that will want her love and her acceptance -two things I never thought I was worthy of and I let it turn me into a monster for a long time." Quinn hesitated as she looked up into two accepting brown eyes and timidly slid her hand across the table until Rachel took it and intertwined their fingers. "I am finally in a good place in my life. I have an amazing career, I'm surrounded by people who love and accept me for who I am, and I have you. Yes, I would like some kind of closure in that relationship, but I'm not sure I want to disrupt all that for the possibility of getting hurt again."
Rachel smiled down at the hand that she held. "Quinn, everything we do in our lives has the potential to either make us happy or to devastate us." She looked up at Quinn, pleading with her eyes for the woman to really hear what she was saying as she softly stroked her thumb over Quinn's knuckles, letting Quinn know that the statement applied to what was happening between them as well.
"We spend far too long worrying over the implications of every move we make in our life. We worry about what others will think of us, how the actions we take will affect us in the future. We spend so long worrying about the maybes and the what-ifs that we let the possibilities pass us by. We forget to live for the here and now." Rachel stopped and smiled up at Quinn, unable to not think how wonderful the here and now was. "Yes, it has the potential to end badly and to hurt, but it has just as must potential to be amazing, and wonderful, and everything we hoped it could be. And if we're lucky, sometimes more. We just have to be willing to see that the risk are worth it, that pain only last for moments, and happiness is fleeting, but those brief moments will get us through until the next."
Rachel shook her head at herself and took a sip of her cooled coffee. "Judy could disappoint you, but if she wants to spend the holidays together, it sounds like she's trying."
"I guess. I'm just… Fran surprised me. I really thought when I told her I was gay that she was going to turn her back on me. Frannie had always been a little like our father in that she was always very conservative and we both know he'd condemn me to hell before speaking to me anymore. She might surprise me, but I find that difficult to believe. Yes, she could, but she bought into the same party line as Russell for so long. Mother knows I play a lesbian character on television but she doesn't know how close to the truth it is in real life. What if she doesn't handle it like Fran did, Rae? I don't think I could take a fire-and-brimstone speech from her."
"Has she ever said anything about your character?"
"We really never talked about it much. She called after I won my Emmy to tell me she was proud of me."
"Well, that's something, right? I mean, she could have completely stopped talking to you, or treated you horribly, just for even portraying a homosexual character! Yet, she still told you she was proud of you. That's a big thing, Quinn!"
Quinn couldn't help but smile a little at Rachel's enthusiasm and she did have a point. "I guess I never thought about it that way. It was the first time she'd ever said those words to me."
"That she was proud of you?" Quinn nodded. She had cried after she'd gotten that call. "I think she just might surprise you Quinn. It's your choice, and I'll support you no matter what you decide to do, but I truly hope you'll consider it."
"I have some time. I don't want to hide anything from her, I won't hide this." Quinn lifted their hands.
"I would never ask you to and if you want me with you when you go see her, I'll be right by your side."
"Well, you did promise to be by me the entire time anyway." Quinn smiled. "What… what do you think about maybe, after Hanukkah maybe meeting her for lunch somewhere? Together? I know it's a lot to ask…"
"No, it's not. And I think it would be a good idea. Just meet somewhere on neutral territory and feel each other out. It would be better than showing up on Christmas day and all hell breaking lose."
Quinn snorted at the idea. It would be a huge step away from their traditional Christmases together. "I do want to go over for Christmas, Frannie and the kids are coming down, so maybe if I settle things with my mother first it would be easier."
"I'll be by you the entire time." Rachel promised.
It was almost suppertime by the time they finally reached the edge of town. Between side trips, attraction stops, time with Fran, and freak snow storms, it had almost taken them a week to travel less than six hundred miles, and while neither woman would trade a moment of it, they were both exhausted and glad to be home. Their talk earlier had helped settle Quinn and the tension in the car had disappeared, leaving them both in good spirits, spending the remaining two hour drive flirting and laughing together. It was just what they had needed after the stress-filled afternoon.
"Dad! Daddy!" Rachel flew out of the car into the waiting arms of her fathers the moment the engine had died down. Quinn had texted the men as soon as they hit the outskirts to let them know they'd be pulling in soon. Quinn smiled as she slowly walked towards the group, loving how the men laughed and squealed along with their daughter. It was obvious how much they loved and missed her.
Quinn shrieked as she was lifted into two strong arms and spun in a circle, only to be engulfed by another set of arms as soon as her feet hit the ground. "Quinn!"
Quinn blushed and smiled into LeRoy's chest as she was smothered between the two men.
"Daddies! Let her breath!" Rachel laughed as she pulled the trapped woman from between her fathers and leaned into her side, wrapping her arm around the woman's back.
"We're allowed to smother you both. We've missed our girls!" Hiram exclaimed. "Now, come give me another hug." He said taking them both into his arms.
Rachel was warmed by the sound of Quinn's laughter and the feeling of her father's arms squeezing them in a group hug. Once the men had finally gotten their fill of hugs for the moment, they helped bring in the myriad of bags from the back of Rachel's car, raising an eyebrow when Rachel insisted they all be put into her old room.
"Now that Rachel has allowed certain milk products back into her diet, we hope that pizza will be acceptable for dinner?"
"She'll only eat it if the cheese is rennet-free." Quinn answered as she unloaded another armful of bags onto the queen-sized bed.
LeRoy snorted from the doorway. "You forget we had to cater to her vegan lifestyle the first twenty-one years of her life." Quinn blushed. Of course they would know that. "It's nice someone else remembers though."
Rachel shook her head at the look her father gave them both. She knew it wouldn't take long for the men to notice the chemistry between them, but she hadn't even looked in Quinn's direction since they'd arrived and she was already getting knowing looks. She wondered how long it would take her Daddy's curiosity to overtake him. The smile and raised eyebrow he gave her made her think it wouldn't be sooner than she'd want. The two men left to order their supper and give the women time to unpack.
"So how do you want to handle that?" Quinn asked as she moved a bag of presents to the closet.
"Handle what?" Rachel asked, the pile of clothes in her hands hanging in midair.
Quinn snorted and took the clothes, placing them on top of the dresser. They both knew exactly what Quinn was asking and what Rachel was avoiding. She stepped closer to Rachel and threaded her hands around the woman's back. "This? Us? Other people? We really haven't talked about any of it."
"Yes, well, I wanted to on the way here, but someone was distracted by other things." Rachel lifted her arms around Quinn's neck and smiled to let her know she was teasing.
"I can't help it if the most beautiful woman was sitting next to me. She can be quite distracting."
"Is that the reason you always stared at me in school?" Rachel grinned as she felt Quinn's shoulders lift.
"Wouldn't want you to get a big head. Well, bigger. You might not be able to fit through the door way any more."
Rachel laughed, able to take Quinn's jab as the joke it was meant to be. She rose on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to Quinn's. The feeling was quickly becoming addicting and they hadn't even moved passed the innocent brushes of lips against one another.
Quinn smiled as they broke apart wanting nothing more than to kiss the woman again, deeper, with all the longing she felt but she needed an answer. She saw Rachel hesitate when she had asked. They really hadn't defined anything between them and only a few kisses had been exchanged. She had a general idea where they both stood, but she needed verbal confirmation.
"Seriously though, Rae, I'll follow your lead here. I mean, other than my mom, everyone else probably wont be too surprised in the change of our relationship. I already told you I don't want to hide this, but I want you to be comfortable, so whatever you want to tell everyone, or not tell everyone, I'm okay with."
Rachel played with the hair under her fingers, loving how soft it was. "I don't want to hide. Not that I would be able to from my parents anyway."
"I think LeRoy figured it out when you pulled me out of that hug."
"Hmmm yes, Daddy is the more observant of the two."
"So what exactly are we telling them? I mean, we haven't exactly defined this."
"They know you're my best friend and already love you like their own, so it won't bother them.. I guess we tell them when they ask that we've decided to see where this goes?"
Quinn leaned her forehead against Rachel's and stared into her chocolate brown eyes. "I more than want to see where this goes, Rae."
Rachel beamed in response. "So? What does that make us?"
"Does asking you to be my girlfriend sound a little too high-schoolish?"
Rachel threw her head back and laughed. "Oh god, that does sound like high school. Is there a better word that sounds more mature for a serious relationship?"
Quinn's smile slowly faded as she took in the smiling woman in her arms.
"Is this a serious relationship?"
Quinn knew that they'd both said they want more than just seeing where this was going but a serious relationship? She thought about it and could, for the first time, actually see herself with someone for the long term. Rachel knew everything about her, her quirks and her flaws. They knew each other's past. And now she could really see them as part of one another's future. A title like 'serious relationship' should scare the shit out of her, but instead she wanted to pull Rachel into her arms and spin her around in circles.
She didn't need an answer, it was staring straight back at her. Rachel's nose wrinkled with the size of her smile and Quinn couldn't resist any longer, leaning down to take Rachel's lips between her own. She smiled into the kiss as Rachel's arms tightened around her neck the moment she swiped her tongue over the softest lips she'd ever felt.
Rachel moaned softly as she parted her lips, allowing Quinn to deepen their kiss for the first time, completely losing herself in the kiss, in the feeling of Quinn pressed against her, the smell of her shampoo lingering in her nostrils, the taste of her on her tongue. Her skin tingled and her brain felt pleasantly hazy and she realized she could kiss this woman for the rest of her life and be perfectly happy. Who needed food or water or singing?
"Well, I guess we don't need to ask now." The sound of Hiram's voice shattered the moment. Both women jumped at the voice.
"Really, Dad, was the necessary?" Rachel's cheeks flamed, both from the vestige sensations of the kiss and from being caught making out with the embarrassed blonde buried Rachel's neck.
"This was what I was trying to avoid." Quinn chuckled. She had never been caught by any parents, including her own, and she couldn't help but be a bit mortified.
"Aww, look Hiram, they're both blushing."
"Was there something you wanted or did you both just come up to tease us?" Rachel glared at the men who were leaning against her doorway as she hugged her girlfriend closer to her.
"Well, we were going to tell you supper is here, seeing as you didn't respond when we yelled for you both." LeRoy wiggled his eyebrows.
"But after seeing why you didn't answer, we're just going to tease you." Hiram laughed.
"Oh god." Quinn groaned as she rested her forehead against Rachel's shoulder.
"Get used to it Quinn. We already considered you a daughter before this and as an unofficial Berry, you must be subjected to Berry teasing."
"He says teasing, I say torture." Rachel sighed.
"Toe-ma-toe, ta-ma-to." LeRoy quipped before turning to leave, dragging his husband with him.
Quinn stepped back and looked at the women in front of her. "Please tell me that did not just happen."
"Well, it's two less people that we have to tell."
"Yes, but they're going to tease us just as bad, if not worse, than Santana would. Just be thankful we don't have to deal with her and B until after Christmas."
Rachel's smile fell a little as she stepped back and took Quinn's hand. "I hate that we had to miss them."
"Yeah, I get Britt's shows having to come first but it was kind of nice seeing them at Thanksgiving. It was weird because I really hadn't spent that much time with them together since shortly after high school."
"I know. I miss them. And Kurt and Blaine."
Quinn looked down at their hands. "You know, eventually, we're going to have to discuss that. You're in New York, and I'm in LA."
Rachel almost melted at the vulnerability that coated Quinn's voice and the way she stood. She knew that Quinn was right, it wasn't even something that she had thought about before this moment. Which showed just how hazy the blonde made her. She usually always thought about every detail of what would happen, but with Quinn, everything happened so naturally that she didn't want to stop and plan every aspect of what was happening between them and where she saw it going.
"I know we're going to have to face that eventually, but we'll figure it out together. I promise." She smiled when Quinn pecked her cheek.
"You're right, we'll figure it out, because I don't plan on letting you go any time soon."
"Dude, what the hell?"
Quinn looked over her shoulder at the man standing in the doorway behind her as she reached in the cabinet for a glass.
"What's your malfunction?"
"I want to know what's going on between you and my fellow Jew Babe."
Quinn rolled her eyes and moved to grab some juice out of the fridge. She knew it was a mistake when Rachel told her that Puck would be joining them for the first night of Hanukkah. Apparently her fathers had invited him after hearing that his family would be down in Cleveland to see Jake leaving Puck alone while on leave. She knew he wasn't aware she'd be there the moment he walked in the door. Thankfully it hadn't been awkward and he'd seemed genuinely happy to see her. She knew he'd keep pestering her for an answer and as much as she was prepared to act annoyed, she really wasn't. In a way, she almost felt that she owed him an explanation, but but she wasn't sure her relationship with Rachel was one she wanted to share with her ex. She still considered him a great friend, but everything was so new with Rae and it seemed like they hadn't had a moment alone to enjoy it.
Quinn wondered if she just ignored him that he'd get the message and leave, but after dating him for so long, she knew it was highly unlikely. He was like a dog with a bone and when he wanted answers, he'd annoy you until he got them. She turned around with a huff, deciding to get it over with before anyone else walked in.
"What do you mean?" Quinn avoided his eyes as she poured her juice,
letting her annoyance filter through her voice.
"Don't play games with me, Quinn. I know there is something going on between you two. You forget, I know you both. I know that look you're giving her and I'm not blind –she is giving it right back."
Quinn crossed her arms and took a drink, trying to bide her time. She could admit it, but it was more fun seeing him get so worked up. "I'm looking at Berry like I always have."
"Almost, which is kind of telling in itself." Puck shook his head and snorted as he lowered himself onto a stool at the island separating them. "Damn it, why didn't I see this back in high school?"
"You're lucky Rachel isn't in here. She'd be yelling at you about your language."
"No, she'd be too busy making goo-goo eyes at you to even notice I was in the room. Stop changing the subject." Puck glared at her.
"Fine." Quinn snipped. He'd peaked her interest. "You tell me what you meant about high school and I'll think about answering your question."
"Oh, I'll get an answer, one way or another. You know you can't resist The Puckster."
Quinn rolled her eyes and bit back a groan. "Right, which is why I'm currently following you around the country playing army wife."
"You know it's Air Force."
Quinn waved him off as she finished her drink and turned to rinse it out. It didn't really matter to her what branch, even though after dating him for so long, it was engraved into her brain. She honestly was proud of him. He had told them over dinner that he'd been promoted to E7 Master Sergeant a few months prior. He had been so worried about becoming a Lima loser, but he had actually made something of himself with the military.
"Do we have a deal or not?" Quinn questioned, trying to get the conversation back on track. She really didn't want to be standing in the kitchen talking to Puck when the most amazing woman was waiting in the other room for her.
"I never understood it in high school, the way you'd look at her, or her at you. You tried so hard to hate her, which I never really got, because Rachel was always great. Once I knocked you up though, you kinda let her a little closer to you and you'd look at her, like when she was singing and stuff, and it was like you'd never seen anyone like her before."
"I hadn't. None of us had. Even back then she was a star."
Puck bobbed his head in agreement. "True, but you still looked at her differently than anyone else did. Like even when you were trying to hate her you truly respected her, but it was more than that."
Quinn shrugged, not disagreeing, but wanting to see where he was going with this. She did respect Rachel in high school. Even when she was throwing slushies on her, she begrudgingly respected her. She would look Quinn right in the eye and held her head high. That took guts.
"I never understood why she always wanted to be your friend, why she was always chasing after you, or trying to stop you from doing something absolutely stupid. Or why she would look at you like a proud parent anytime you'd do something right. She'd get that huge smile she gets when she is truly happy about something. The smile she has been wearing every single time she's looked in your direction tonight."
"So what? She's my best friend, I can make her smile, what's your point."
Puck shook his head. He should have known his ex wouldn't make it easy on him, but he knew what he was saying was true. "You know it's not just because you're her best friend. We saw her moon over Finn forever. She looks at you like you've just went out and hung the moon and the stars just for her. And I personally know how you look when you're in love with someone, but I've never seen you like this. It's changed you, you're freer, happier."
Quinn couldn't help the smile that spread across her face. She really did feel like she could float away at any moment.
Puck laughed and pointed at her. "See, that, right there. That goofy ass smile says it all. So come on baby mama, your turn. You made me get all sappy and shit, so fess up. What's up with you and Jew Babe?"
"Fine, ok, you're right. I'm not sure about the whole high school thing, but I'll give you the rest." Puck smirked and wiggled his eyebrows. "God, Puck, do you have to be so crude."
"I didn't even say anything!"
"Right, because I don't know that look at all."
She smiled when Rachel walked in the room, stopping whatever offensive and vulgar thing that was going to come out of Puck's mouth next.
"Rachel!" Puck jumped off his stool and grabbed the woman, spinning her around.
"Noah?" Rachel laughed as she dizzily grained her footing, looking curiously over at Quinn who just shrugged. "I was wondering where you two went off to."
Quinn lifted her hand and wiggle her fingers, beckoning Rachel to take her hand. As soon as Rachel's fingers slid in to hers she pulled the other woman closer to her and draped her arm over Rachel's shoulder.
"Puck was just about to proposition me for a three-some."
Puck gaped at her for a full minute before remembering he should be defending himself.
"I was not."
"Right, so what were you going to say." She stared at the man as he opened his mouth, only to promptly shut it. "That's what I thought, and before you ask, the answer is no."
"So I take it you told him?" Rachel asked as she leaned into Quinn's side, loving that she was able to touch her like this now. They had agreed that they would keep the PDA to a minimum until they were able to tell everyone, not really wanting to cause sudden heart failure for any of their friends or relatives. Plus, Quinn decided she wanted to tell her mom before news got around town. Lima wasn't a small town, but news like this still spread like wild fire, especially when the news pertained to two of the biggest stars ever to come out of Lima, Ohio.
"Not really. He sort of cornered me about what I was doing with you."
"Gotta protect my fellow Jew." Puck said with a shrug when Rachel looked over at him.
"That's very sweet of you Noah. Are you okay with this? I mean, I know that you and Quinn were once a pair."
The two women watched as he thought over the question, both hoping that it wouldn't be an issue between them. Though neither of them saw or spoke to the man often they still considered him both a good friend and part of their extended family, just like many of their former Glee members.
"If Quinn and I were meant to be, we would still be together. It'll take some getting used to, don't get me wrong, but as long as you're both happy, then whatever." Rachel beamed over at her friend, but Quinn waited. Puck may have out grown a lot of his immaturity, but he was still Puck and always would be.
"But you know, if you want to make me feel better about it, you could always make-out in front of me."
Quinn rolled her eyes and hugged Rachel to her, kissing the top of her head. "And there it is."
"So what did you think of tonight?" Rachel asked later as they laid in bed together. She had her head on Quinn's shoulder and Quinn had her hand dangling over them where she could play with her fingers. Rachel smile at it, realizing that this was something Quinn loved to do. She didn't quite understand it, but she couldn't help but find it utterly adorable.
"Puck or Hanukkah?"
"Both, I guess."
"It was kind of nice to see Puck again. We really haven't gotten to hang out since we broke up so it was a little odd at first."
"What all did he say before I interrupted?"
Quinn lowered their hands and laid them on her chest over her heart. "He said that I used to look at you almost the same way in high school. And that you used to look at me the same way too."
Rachel shifted so she could look up at Quinn, the only light coming from the bright moon outside her window. "I'm surprised he noticed."
"Tonight? I couldn't take my eyes off of you, I think he would have been blind not to see it."
Quinn felt Rachel shake her head against Quinn's shoulder and looked down at the woman in her arms. Rachel sighed heavily and moved closer, not sure if she could talk while Quinn was looking at her like that.
"I meant in high school. I guess I was a bit of a masochist, because you treated me horribly for so long, but I had the biggest crush on you for years."
"You had a crush on me?" Rachel nodded. "God, but why? I was such a bitch to you."
"I know, it doesn't really make sense. I truly disliked that part of you, it hurt every time you'd call me a name, or ignore me, or when we'd be fighting." She felt Quinn tense under her and ran her fingers over Quinn's arm trying to sooth her. "But then there were the times that you'd let your mask slip, or you'd do something nice, and I knew I was actually getting to see the real you. And Quinn, the real you is so amazing."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Would you have given me the time of day back then?"
Quinn chuckled humorlessly. "No, I probably would have beat the hell out of you for even saying such a thing."
"Exactly."
The two women laid quietly, both absorbed in their own thoughts, but secretly wondering how different high school would have been if Rachel had said something and Quinn had been in the right place emotionally to accept it.
"What about later? After you found out? You know… about me?"
Rachel lifted a shoulder. "I just let things be. It's got us here, didn't it?"
Rachel loved the silence that would fall around them between conversations. Unlike the car, which was filled with tension, the quiet that now surrounded them was easy. It wasn't strained or awkward and for a change, she didn't feel the need to fill it, but a thought kept pushing it's way into her mind.
"What about you?" Rachel's voice finally cracked the silence.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you said Puck told you we both looked at each other in a similar way to what we do now?"
Quinn made an affirmative noise, understanding what Rachel was asking. "I don't know. I spent part of the evening thinking about that."
"Is that why you were so quiet tonight?"
"That and I was just trying to understand what was going on. Even though I dated Puck I never joined him for Hanukkah so tonight was a first for me."
"I kind of gathered that by the questions you were asking."
"Sorry about that."
"No, it's fine, I just didn't know before. I guess I was under the assumption that you'd had joined Puck and his family for the Hanukkah celebrations. I'm kind of glad that you get to experience it with my father's and I first." Rachel hesitated a moment, waiting to see if Quinn would resume their conversation, but the woman stayed silent, drumming her fingers on Rachel's arm. "So did all your thinking bring you any answers?"
"I don't know. I was so blinded by everything I was supposed to be in high school that the thought of possibly being gay wasn't even consciously on my radar. It wasn't something I decided to hide like Santana did, I just honestly didn't know. Looking back, I can see different things, what I could call crushes now, but then?" Quinn shook her head. "I always tended to treat girls like crap. Just being around other females made me so angry. It didn't make sense to me back then, I just thought it was all the pressure I was under to be the best, but your question you asked me a few weeks ago got me thinking? When you asked if all my rage was from being repressed?" She felt Rachel nod into her shoulder as she picked up her hand and began running her fingers through Rachel's.
"I know you said it in jest, but it does make a lot of sense, so I guess I can see what Puck meant. Most of my anger was always directed at the girls in the school who were the prettiest, or the most attractive, or the most talented, and you were all that and more; so it'd make sense that'd I'd go after you worse than anyone else. Even when I was busy trying to be HBIC and treating you like crap, I always had a lot of respect for you. I know I never showed you in the right way, but I did. I was so stuck on myself though that I couldn't have told you even if I wanted to."
"So you think you could have had feelings for me back then, but were just too blinded by parents and pressure to see it?"
Quinn shrugged beneath her shoulder as she intertwined their fingers. "I guess it's possible. But does it really matter now?"
Rachel leaned up on her elbow and smiled down at Quinn. "I guess it doesn't. I'm rather enjoying where we are now."
"It is rather nice." Quinn lifted her hand and tucked a stray piece of hair behind Rachel's ear. "How could I have not seen just how beautiful you were?" She grinned as Rachel turned her head and grazed her lips against Quinn's palm.
"As long as you see it now, that's all that matters."
"I do. You have to know how beautiful I think you are." Quinn's hand slid behind Rachel's neck, slowly pulling the woman forward, feeling her heart race as Rachel's lips neared her own.
Rachel tilted her head, closing the distance between them, their laced fingers braced against Quinn's hip. Rachel didn't hesitate to deepen their kiss almost instantly, allowing Quinn's hands to guide her almost on top of the woman. She'd never felt a kiss as soft or as passionate as Quinn's, one that made her feel so much. Finn had once told her that kissing Quinn had felt like fireworks, but even as the thought filtered through her mind, she knew he was wrong. Kissing Quinn was like a wave, starting slowly, building momentum, crashing over you. Rachel was overwhelmed by the feelings flowing over her, flooding her heart with joy and love, thundering through her veins like a wave crashing upon shore. Kissing her wasn't like a firework, it was a wave, rushing towards the shore, breaking with a whispered moan, an exhale of warm moist air, before rolling out again, contently ebbing and flowing into one another. It was like being drenched in water so sweet and warm that you could drown in it and be utterly happy to do so.
Quinn's arms held her tighter as the blonde flicked her tongue against the roof of Rachel's mouth, drawing out a long moan and all thoughts of waves and fireworks died as the sensation shot straight down her spine. She pressed her body closer to Quinn's, wanting nothing more than to crawl inside her skin and never leave.
"You're smiling." Rachel's words danced across Quinn's lips before kissing her again.
"I could kiss you forever."
Rachel hummed in agreement before finally pulling away, struggling to catch her breath. "As much as I wouldn't mind that, we're supposed to meet your mother tomorrow, so we probably should get some rest."
Quinn groaned as dropped her hands to the bed. "Ugh! You had to ruin the moment, didn't you?"
Rachel smiled and kissed Quinn's cheek before dropping herself onto the bed next to Quinn. "I figured we both needed something to cool us down. We're not ready to take the next step yet and if you kept kissing me like that, I don't know if I would have been able to stop myself."
"That's not helping." Quinn sighed as she rubbed her hands over her face.
"I believe I once told you that girls wanted sex just as much as boys. Just because we're women now doesn't mean that fact has changed." Rachel watched in confusion as Quinn began to quickly crawl over, snatching up her phone and pillow. "Where are you going?"
"To sleep in the guest room. I can't lay next to you after what you just said."
Rachel looked at Quinn as she gathered up a few more things and headed towards the door. "Did I offend you?"
Quinn stopped, the door handle cool under her palm, and shook her head. She took a deep breath before spinning on her heel, quickly making it back over to the bed. She didn't want there to be any misunderstandings between them like there had been that morning. Quinn leaned down and took Rachel's face between her hands, kissing her with every ounce of love and passion she felt for the woman.
"I'm leaving, because if I stay, I'm going to end up trying to have my way with you and you're right, we're not there yet."
Quinn smiled to herself as she heard Rachel whimper and fall back on the bed as she left the room.
Damn their sensibilities. The tension just may end up killing them after all! Still a lot I want to cover before the holidays as I'll probably be unable to update for the week before and after Christmas so look for a few faster/longer updates because of that. This really didn't begin as a holiday story, but it's kind of turned into one for the moment, so look for a night of Hanukkah, some Christmas cheer, and fun filled New Years Eve. And of course, Judy, more Glee Alumni, and more sweet lady kisses.