Disclaimer- I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT
PREVIOUSLY.............
II sat thinking for a while. Alice missed Bella, and Bella missed Alice. The only thing keeping them apart was a doctors advise to do so. Alice wouldn't be able to stay along for much longer anyway.
But there was another thing keeping Alice away from Bella. This place, Bella's situation, reminded Alice of her past. She couldn't remember it well, but she knew. The very word "Institution" had her shivering. But, like i said, Alice wouldn't hold out for much longer. Nothing could keep that crazy little determined pixie from getting what she wants.
And like i keep on saying - "Bella Swan is worth it"
We all knew it, we just had to prove it to her.
NOW......... Bella's Perspective...
I was drained. I had been shocked, happy, ecstatic, sad, terrified and content all in a few hours. So i couldn't help it when i yawned. I tried to hide it, but these damn vampires don't let you hide anything. Well, almost anything.
I can't believe i told Emmett that i hurt myself, and that i actually liked it! I must be a masochist or something. He seemed so.... disgusted and... shocked and i really couldn't blame him. But it hurt. Of course it did. I went to stand against the wall, the furthest place from him, knowing he wouldn't want to be anywhere near me.
At first he just asked, but when he yelled at me, i nearly lost it. My chest constricted so i couldn't breath, my eyes filled with moisture, my knuckles were probably white at my sides and i could feel my body trembling. I tried to tell myself that his was Emmett, and there was no need to fear him. But i wouldn't listen.
All i could see were the vampires that destroyed my life. All huge and muscular like Emmett. They would get angry too, but they didn't just yell. It was like i had been sucked into the past, into a dream. I heard Emmett ask me again and i couldn't not turn for fear of what i would do.
It's Emmett, he won't do anything to you, he loves you!
I tried to tell myself. But it wasn't working. I turned, keeping my eyes closed like the coward i am. I could feel the tears as they ran down my face. I gasped, shocked, when i felt Em wiping the tears away. I thought he was disgusted with me? I slowly opened my eyes, gazing at Emmett through a film of tears.
I opened my eyes, worried and scared of what i would see in his face. His eyes were kind, his gentle smile just how i remembered. I am so confused!
Vampires can lie, i knew that all too well. I could remember how many things i had been led to believe by vampires. Lots. How do i know he isn't lying as well?
No! It's Emmett. He wouldn't hurt me! He broke in here to see me!
I was a little surprised to suddenly feel Emmett's arms around me, pulling me into a hug. My mind was screaming at me to run, to scream, to fight. This was a vampire! But my heart....my heart was telling me to hug him back. I have to admit the latter made more sense.
If he wanted to hurt me, why is he hugging me so gently?
"I'm sorry Bella. I was just...shocked that all. I can't believe we left you to deal with all of this by yourself. I don't think any less of you Bella, if anything, i think more of you . You were, are so strong. Please Bella, don't pull away from me" He sounded so wounded, so hurt. It was my fault! Did i always take things the wrong way?
Despite this, i was still nervous. I held reservations about this, even i if wasn't conscious of them. Hesitantly, i put my arms around his crouched figure. I released a breath i hadn't realised i had been holding when i felt a little dizzy.
How could i be scared of Emmett? He was here, now, hugging me even after i told him how disgusting and sick i am! I truly am screwed up in the head!
I buried my head in his neck, unable to hold back the tears that fell onto his shirt and skin. I was trembling again, but not from fear of Emmett. From shame, from being unable to control these reactions to things. I knew Em wasn't dangerous to me, but i couldn't stop the panic and terror when it is triggered. I just wanted to be normal, not to be afraid of a man that is helping you. I wanted someone to fight all of this away, to protect me.
As if on cue, hearing my thoughts, I felt his arms tighten around me. I pulled him closer as well, hoping he would shield me from all of this. That i could go back and move to Forks again. Start at the beginning.
"I- am so - sorry". My meager apology was interrupted by my gasps for breath, and muffled by Emmett's shoulder. I was shocked by his reply.
"Bella, I don't care what you did! Well, i do care, obviously i care, but it definitely doesn't make me see you any differently. You could be the single most strong and determined person i have ever met. And i have seen Alice in Prada when they refused to accept her credit cards!"
He thought i was strong? I had a break down when i should have been strong. I am in here because i am too weak to deal with the outside world. I definately am not strong.
It was the story about Alice that grabbed my attention though. Alice. God, i missed her so much. My best friend. I couldn't help but smile when ever i thought about her. That girl was crazy.
"Why did they reject her credit cards?" Okay, so i am stalling, not wanting to stick on his conversation path. I figured he knew too, but he didn't say anything, going along with it. His chuckle soothed me no end.
"Don't know. I think they were playing a joke on her or something. She shopped there like twice a week and she bought most of the shop. They were not expecting an angry, pissed pixie woman to start sprouting things about law suites and court. They thought she was a spoilt rich kid i think. I just watched, laughing my head off as she yelled at them until they gave in and her credit card miraculously worked again. Needless to say, she never shopped at that store again"
I couldn't help the little giggle that escaped me as i pictured it. "Alice and her shopping" I shook my head.
But, like ever, my thoughts went down a road i didn't want it to. My smile fell and my heart ached to see my best friend again.
"I miss her Em" I whispered, hoping he wouldn't hear me. With super hearing, that was pretty much out of the window. I couldn't help the tears that formed in my eyes as i voiced my thoughts to him.
He hugged me again, fiercer and rougher than last time. This was more of an Emmett hug. Now....now i felt safe and secure.
"I know Bella. Believe me, she misses you too. We all do" I ignored the "all" comment, not wanting to get my hopes up. Like i said before- Hope was a deadly thing. It could pull you up, and it can tear you down, all at the same time.
He pulled me back to the bed as i felt a yawn brewing. I tried to hide it, but, being a vampire and all, he heard it and ordered me to sleep. Crying always made me tired, one of the cons of being a human i am afraid. He held me tighter to him, cradling me. I tried to fight my own body but failed. He tried to move me, but clung on to him, telling him he was too comfortable. To be honest, he was much more comfy than a mattress.
He sounded all worried when he asked about if i was cold or not. I dismissed it saying "No. I am, finally, all warmed up".
I was on the verge of sleep, a little out of it but still there. I heard Esme say something, shocked by her presence, forgetting about her totally. I tried to open my eyes to say "Hi", but i was sucked into blackness, something i could not control.
My dreams where headed in the nightmare direction. It was the usual- vampires that wanted to kill me, people dead and dieing around me, people yelling and screaming that it was my fault and to help them. But..... it was different.
Before the fear and everything else kicked in, Emmett arrived, shielding me from the view in front of me, letting me bury my face in his stomach. When he moved back, i realised i was at the Cullen house. It was just the same as i remembered, all white and majestic. We went inside and i spoke and hugged everyone, even Jasper. Edward came and hugged me, and it felt...right. I liked this dream, but i feared the repercussions when i woke up and realised it wasn't real.
Edward was just sitting at the Piano, about to play my lullaby when i woke up. I inwardly cursed my bad timing, squinting against the bright lights in the room. I heard Emmett chuckle beneath me, causing me to rise and fall with his stomach.
"I have never heard such crude language from a lady" He said in a posh English accent. Oh damn, so much for inwardly cursing.
"Sorry, thought i was thinking it" I said, yawning and stretching as i sat up, off Emmett's chest.
"Nope. Nice dream?" He smiled, knowing exactly what i was dreaming about.
"You where humming a little, and i would know that tune anywhere" He said with a sparkle in his eye. I blushed, looking at my lap.
"It was a good dream" I sighed, getting off the bed and swaying a little as i stood up. As usual, Em was there to catch me before i said hello to the floor again.
"Sorry" I mumbled as i walked over to the door and pressed the buzzer for Ryan to let me out. I heard Em chuckle behind me.
Awake Bella? You were out for a long time
I rolled my eyes "Yeah, i needed to catch up on some sleep"
The door opened with a click, Ryan smiling down at me. "Shower time?" I nodded, yawning again.
I walked past him and across the room to the shower. Once again, i rushed in the shower, not wanting to spend any more time away from Emmett than i had to. So, literally sprinting into the shower, scrubbing my hair with shampoo and conditioner, rinsing, getting out and rubbing my body till it was red, only took me about five minutes. I brushed my teeth a little too hard and made my gum hurt a little.
Newly dressed and clean, i walked out of the shower room, noticing Ryan wasn't sat on the chair, keeping guard at the door like he usually is. I thought all patients had to be watched at all times. Well - i looked around - no-one was watching me now. I pushed it to the back of my mind as i sat down at the table, waiting for my breakfast. It wasn't long until a bowl of weetabix was placed in front of me.
I stared at the kitchen door as i ate, my back to the living area. I wondered where Ryan was, and Emmett. I panicked for a second before calming myself down. I was not going to over react because i couldn't see them. Emmett did have another life, away from me, so did Ryan. They can't be here twenty four seven, not matter how much i want them to be.
Sighing, i got up, leaving my weetabix half uneaten on the table. I turned around, glancing around the room idly. Every patient was either staring into space or doing something with their carer. Yes, every patient was doing that. Not visitors.
I caught four pairs of golden eyes and felt myself relax my unnoticed tense shoulders. I walked forward towards them, happy that they hadn't left me as i thought, or tried not to think. I was nearly at the sofa's where they all sat, smiling at me before i actually stopped and thought about it.
Four pairs of golden eyes? I looked around them. Esme, yes, Carlisle, yes, Emmett, yes and....
Rosalie?
My body and mind locked down on me. She couldn't be here, smiling at me. She hates me!
I didn't look at her, afraid to meet her glaring eyes or hear how much she hates me, calling me "The Human". My eyes were probably wide as saucers, my legs getting cramp from the sudden freeze.
I felt a cold hand on my arm, snapping me out of my thoughts. I looked up at Carlisle, a little numbed and shocked actually, and confused. Definately confused.
"I'm sorry i haven't seen you in a while Bella" He said, hugging me tightly, ignoring my damp hair. I hugged him back rather unenthusiastically, still shocked and a little scared of what was about to happen. I gulped down the bile that rose in my throat.
"It's okay" I whispered, remembering that this was Carlisle and all of this was because of him. He released me, but put his hand on my back, urging me forward, but not pushing me. So, the "getting cramp" was out of the window, i had it. It hurt. So, i moved forward, trying to get rid of it at the same time as hugging everyone.
Carlisle led me between two sofas, and to Esme first. She stood up and hugged me tightly. I hugged her with a little more strength after i remembered how i forgot about her yesterday.
Carlisle removed his hand and sat down next to Esme after she let me go. I turned around, feeling very vulnerable suddenly. Emmett opened his arms and lent forwards, waiting for me. I couldn't help but run the short distance and throw my arms around his neck fiercely. Now i felt safe. I sighed as he pulled me tight to his body, resting his head on my shoulder as i did to him.
I wasn't scared of anything right this second per-say, but i felt like what ever it was had disappeared. I felt Emmetts hold lessen, but he didn't let me go, and i never wanted him to. He lent back so he could see me, looking down at me, suddenly very serious.
"Bella, can you remember what me and Esme told you yesterday about Rose?" I nodded slightly, afraid to broach the subject.
"Well, i know you didn't believe anything we said because you are just as stubborn as you used to be" He smiled at me and i couldn't stop the edges of my lips from turning up slightly.
"But we were telling the truth Bella. Rose doesn't blame you, she doesn't hate you" Our eyes locked, and i couldn't look away. He was so serious, and i knew it wasn't a very common thing. He must really mean it. It was like no-one else was here and it was just me and him.
"But she hates me" I said, looking at the floor. I heard him sigh before he pulled me face back up to look at him.
"No - she - doesn't" He said imploringly, never breaking eye contact. We stood there for a while, neither of us blinking, begging the other to see it their way. I knew it was a lost cause, since vampires don't have to blink anyway, and besides, my eyes were beginning to hurt.
After a few blinks, i glanced at Rosalie who was sat beside Emmett. She was picking at her sleeve, hiding behind her hair. She didn't want to be here.
"Rose....." Emmett still had a firm grip on my waist, not letting me go anytime soon. She said something too low and quiet for me to hear, but Em rolled his eyes at her, glancing at me.
"Bella doesn't hate you" He shook his head at the pair of us.
"Jesus you two! Bella thinks Rose hates her and Rose thinks Bella hates her! Come on guys, some help here" He tugged playfully at my shirt.
I would have spoken, but i didn't know what to say. Luckily, Rosalie took that job away from me.
"You...you don't hate me?" I nearly missed it, dismissing it as a hum. But i heard it alright. When i looked back at her, she was looking at me with wide eyes. She wasn't the diva or the bitch i remembered, it was a girl who was hurting, and embarrassed.
"No, i don't hate you" I shuffled my feet a little, leaning on one of Emmett's legs for support as my legs began to ache from standing up for so long.
"I don't hate you either Bella. I never have, i was just jealous of you" She sighed, smiling a little as she confessed it to me. I frowned at her, confused once again.
"Jealous? Why would you be jealous of me?"
"Because you had it all. You could do anything, you had your whole life ahead of you. You could have gotten married, had kids, had a good career, bought a house somewhere, grown old and died happily" Emmett removed one of his arms around me to grab his wife's hand.
"But....." I was astounded at her logic "Look what you have! You have a husband who will do anything for you, a family that would help you with anything, you are gorgeous and will be forever, you don't have to worry about wrinkles or spots, you can do anything you wanted as well and you have unlimited time to do it! You have, like, a zillion dollars in hundreds of banks everywhere! I'm the jealous one!" And to be honest, i was. She had a family, i didn't. She had someone to love, who loved her back. But most of all, she had freedom.
"Maybe, it depend on how you look at it i guess" She shrugged. "But Bella, i don't hate you. I may have acted like a bitch before, but..now i realise how wrong i was. You're my sister Bella, and i want to act like one to you. If.....if you'll forgive me and....give me the chance" She mumbled the last part, but i still caught it.
I was shocked for a second, but she took it the wrong way. "If you can't it's okay, i mean i was a total bitch to you and i deserve all i get. If you never speak to me ever again i will totally understand why and i won't do-"
"Rosalie!" She was bordering on hysteric, and she said all that in one breath. All eyes turned to me as they waited for me to say something. Rose' eyes where as wide as mine where before, awaiting the verdict. I rolled my eyes at her, smiling slightly.
"Of course i forgive you Rose, i never blamed you anyway" She smiled, looking down. I looked at Emmett, who smiled, understanding what i was going to do. He let go of me and i stepped to my left, in front of Rose. She looked up at me questioningly.
"You're my sister too Rose, and despite everything, i still missed you" My voice was a whisper, but i didn't look away.
"I don't know how you could have missed me, but... i missed you too"
My eyes filled with tears as hers did. I dove onto her, hugging her tightly, as she did the same to me. My tears rolled down my face, but not from sadness, from joy. I had another sister. A sister i never thought i would have.
She pulled me onto her lap as we cried on each other. Well, i cried, Rose sobbed. I heard Emmett whisper something to himself, and it made me laugh.
"Yes, finally! My two favourite girls are friends" He sounded so happy that, for the first time i thought about how hard it must have been for Emmett. Being stuck between me and Rose must have been difficult for him to juggle.
We stayed like that for a while, and i imagine quite a while longer if Ryan hadn't interrupted. I saw the light behind my eye lids disappear and i opened my eyes to see Ryan's shadow looming over us. His face was grim and sad as he scratched the back of his neck nervously.
"I'm sorry Bella, but Doctor Laura wants to see you for your session. I've managed to stall her for a while due to what happened last time, but she won't wait anymore. She said she is to be alone as well" He said, turning to Carlisle who was getting up. He sat back down again, looking at me with worry and concern in his eyes.
I sniffed a few times and wiped the tear tracks from my cheeks as i got of Rose' lap and stood up. Ryan held out his hand and i took it, using it to keep my balance as i made my way out of the sofa's. I kept hold of it as we walked across the room and stood outside the Doctors door. I turned around, once again, meeting four pairs of golden eyes. This time, they were worried, and frowning instead of smiling.
I turned back around once i heard the click of the door. I took a deep breath before walking into the office, preparing myself for the onslaught of emotions and being forced to think about things i never think about. The office was significantly darker than the huge room i had just been in, despite the lights being on. It gave the entire room a tense and eirey atmosphere. I let go of Ryan's hand as i walked further into the room and sat down in the leather chair i have occupied so many times.
Ryan stayed in the room this time, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall beside the door, directly to my right. It was obvious from the annoyed glances and odd glares that Doctor Laura didn't want him in here, but she didn't say anything about it. She cleared her throat and sat up straighter in her chair, looking at me over her glasses.
"Well Bella, you look a lot better than you did last time" Her voice held no appraisal or positive tone that should go with that statement. In fact she looked quite disappointed with the fact i was better. Was this woman backwards or what?
"I am better, and i feel better too" I smiled, shocking her. She almost never ventured out into the main area where all the patients are so she never sees the normal things. I never smiled at her in any of my sessions before and i wasn't disappointed when she began scribbling on the clip board in front of her. I looked at Ryan and rolled my eyes, he smiled a little and shook his head.
"That is another thing. You two are very close, are you not?" Her gaze flitted between me and Ryan, her eyes critical. She had obviously seen the two of us and wasn't happy with it. I gulped, she could not separate or fire Ryan.
"Yes. Ryan had helped me through many things, and as a result we have become close" I worded carefully, not revealing that we were like a brother and sister to each other.
"I think perhaps too close" She said distracted. Ryan looked at me t the same time i looked at him, his face full of worry and panic. We both tensed awaiting her answer.
"However, i think removing you now would only slow down Bella's progress so you can stay with her for now. We shall be speaking about this later Ryan" She told him, he merely nodded at her, both of us relaxed again.
"So, how are you feeling today Bella?" She asked me, trying to adopt a kind and gentle tone but failing miserably.
"I'm okay" I smiled again, happy that i was actually okay and i wasn't lying.
"You look like you have been crying, is everything alright?" She peered over her glasses at me, and i resisted the urge to rip them off her face. Her condescending attitude and patronizing tone were grating on my last nerve already. I had been here nearly eight months and she was always like this, only before, i was too numb and out of it to do anything about it.
No, i must not yell and scream at the Doctor, she is the one who determines if you get released or not I berated myself.
"I just met someone i classed as a sister and mended a bridge i never knew i could. I am happy" I said, trying not to let the venomous remarks running through my mind seep into my voice.
"That's nice" She mumbled, not really meaning it as she looked at the piece if paper in front of her.
"Well, i think overall, you are doing much better. However, i am still concerned about how much your progress depends on your visitors" Her eyes never left my face while she was speaking, and i knew she was gaging my reaction.
I gritted my teeth together, stopping the influx of curses that threatened to be shouted at her. She was set on bringing me down, i knew it, but i wouldn't let her do that to me again. The Cullen's could hear this, of that i am very sure and i will not disappoint them.
"The Cullen's" I emphasised the word, not wanting them to be referred to as "my visitors".
"Yes, they are helping me get better. What is your point?" I failed in keeping my voice calm and sweet. Her face broke out in a smile when she heard it.
"That you will get even worse when they leave you" She said bluntly, wanting me to fall apart. No way.
"They won't leave" I said confidently, meeting her gaze.
"They will. They cannot stay here forever and who knows how long you will be in here" Her voice showed her impatience. I'm guessing not many people contradict her around here. Well, she had better get used to it.
"They are only young, and i am not that sick that i will be in here for years. They promised they will be here, and i believe them" I said, glaring at her, locking my jaw to keep from yelling at her.
"Okay. And what about when you leave and they can't visit here anymore?" Her lips turned up, thinking she had caught me out.
"I'll visit them" I never missed a beat as i replied, totally relaxed as i lent back in the chair. The frown that appeared on her face made me feel happy.
"Right well" She cleared her throat uncomfortably, i smirked a little at her flustered face. "Have you had any other problems? You haven't had an episode in a while" She said, looking between me and the piece of paper.
I frowned, thinking about it. She was right. I hadn't had an episode in ages and i wasn't naive enough to believe that i had been cured of that particular thing. "Yeah, i know" I mumbled. A victorious smirk appeared on her face before she hid it behind a sheet of paper.
"Well, just be careful. I'll tell the doctors to keep a look out" She said shortly. Ryan stepped away from the wall, unfolding his arms and walking behind me. He touched me on my shoulder, signalling to me that it was time to leave. I rose, not saying a thing. The Doctor didn't even acknowledge the fact that Ryan and i were leaving, looking the numerous papers on her desk.
We left the room, Ryan pushing me along. My mind was else where at the moment, because she had a point. I would have to be careful and watch my step.
I saw the golden eyes and somewhere in my mind i recognised them, but thoughts were whizzing around my head like med, never letting me concentrate on one thing at a time. How long ago was it that i had an episode? Two months? I usually had one a week, and i am seriously behind. I hope they aren't worse because of it.
I felt the sofa beneath me as i sat back. I stared unseeing at what ever was in front of me.
"She'll be okay, she's just thinking about things" Ryan said somewhere out of my range of vision. As soon as it entered my head, it left. I sat there for god knows how long, just thinking about this, the worry and dread mounting. My deepening frown was probably the thing that signalled to the others that what i was thinking about was going in the wrong direction.
"Bella? You okay honey?" I heard Esme ask to my right.
"Hhmmmm?" I hummed, looking at her worried face.
"Oh, sorry. I zone out sometimes" I shrugged and smiled a little.
"It's okay" She said, smiling gently, putting her arm across the back of my neck, letting me snuggle into her side. I laid my head on her shoulder and sighed happily. I wish i never had to move.
I heard a chuckle from Emmett "Sorry, but we all have to move at some point kiddo"
I frowned again "I really have to realise the difference between thinking and saying" Esme squeezed me gently and my smile returned.
"Bella....." I looked at Carlisle, his face set in a frown, his eyes worried and curious. A bad combination for a vampire.
I sighed, knowing what this was about. I had been waiting for it, and was actually surprised her lasted this long for him to crack.
"You heard what was said and you want to know what an "episode" constitutes" i said, smiling at Carlisle's shocked face.
"I've been waiting for it" I added, earning a smirk and a little head shake from him. It was just that i knew him well enough to know what he would ask.
"So......" He prodded.
"You've read my hospital notes?" I was shocked when they all nodded, expecting only Carlisle to have read them, but i wasn't really that bothered by it. Embarrassed, yes, angry, definitely not. So i carried on "Well, one time when i was... attacked" I edited, and i knew from their frowns that they noticed it, but they stayed silent.
"I have a huge scar on my back from my shoulder to my waist, and sometimes, i get this pain through it that literally floors me" I grimaced as i remembered last time it happened. Not only did my back feel like it was on fire, but my head was pounding because i hit it on the tiled floor.
"The doctors don't know why i get the pain since it's a scar, but i have to be careful because anything can set it off" I concluded, looking at their shocked faces.
"It's really that bad?" Esme sounded scared for me.
"Yeah. The doctors think i make it up for attention or it's just in my mind. It sure doesn't feel like it though" I frowned thinking about it.
"So, you heard all of that then?" I asked, referring to the session i had just attended.
"Yeah" Emmett said, scowling and sounding rather menacing "I would like to know how that woman got a job here. I would love to go in there and rip
her-"
"Em, calm down" Rose soothed him, holding his hand tighter. Emmett turned to stare at her incredulously.
"I aren't the doctors biggest fan either Em, but it won't do any good to think about what you want to do to her. It really wouldn't fix anything would it?" Since when did Rose sound so much like a mother? So gentle and nice?
"I guess not" He conceded "I just hate the way she speaks to Bells. She's just so......" He trailed off, searching for a word.
"Condescending and patronising to the extent that you want nothing more than to hit her" I offered, earning a shocked glance from Carlisle. I shrugged.
"Yes, exactly" Em nodded.
A phone ringing stopped Em from saying any more. I lifted my head off her shoulder, and scooched away from Esme allowing her to answer her phone. I felt suddenly very alone sat here. Everyone else was sat with someone, and i was sat on my own, with no-one beside me. As if sensing my discomfort, Rose and Em scooched over, allowing enough room on the sofa for me to sit between them. I smiled, getting up and plopping down between them. I snuggled between them, sighing happily.
I didn't listen to Esme's conversation, it was rude. I thought about how good my life was.
I had what i needed now. I had shelter, food and water, i had a friend in Ryan and a family in the Cullen's. What else could i possibly need?
But it wasn't a matter of what i needed, but what i wanted. I wanted freedom. I wanted to make my own choices. I wanted to chose my own clothes, choose my own food. The simple things that had been taken away from you, that others take for granted.
They where the simple things in wanted.
Esme snapped her phone shut, putting it back in her pocket. I looked at her, only to find her smiling gently back at me. In fact all the Cullen's were smiling at me, it was slightly unnerving. I had obviously missed something important. I have to stop zoning out so often!
"What?" Why the hell were they staring at me and smiling like cheshire cats?
"Well....." Carlisle looked suddenly nervous, and unsure of himself.
"That was Jasper. He wants to.... visit you. If that would be okay with you?" Carlisle asked simply, his eyes never leaving mine.
My chest swelled. My family was coming together, person by person. Jasper. He was the one Cullen i had least contact with, even Rose glared at me. Jasper kept well away from me, though i know it was because he feared for my safety, it still hurt a little. I still class him as my brother, and i can hardly blame him for his thirst. It is part of who he is, what he is, and i can hardly hate him for it.
A huge smile spread across my lips, nearly hurting my face. I realised they were still waiting for my answer.
"Yes" I sighed, my eyes wide and hopeful.
"He'll be here in ten minutes. He was already in the car when he phoned" Esme frowned as she said it, obviously disapproving of his irrashional behaviour. God, i love Jasper.
Ten minutes. That was only six hundred seconds. I could not wait. I was, in fact, so happy that i began bouncing in my seat, causing the seat to bounce with me. As a result, Rose and Em started to bounce as well, which made them laugh at my behaviour. Emmett scooped me up and sat me on his lap so i wasn't bouncing the chair anymore, i was still bouncing though.
I was also concentrating on the numbers. Five hundred and ten.... five hundred and nine......five hundred and eight...
"You're counting down aren't you?" Emmett smirked at me, shaking his head. I pouted, crossing my arms angrily.
"Not anymore! You made me lose count!" I said, sounding like a child, and earning a few chuckles from everyone.
"Four hundred and eighty" He whispered in my ear. I merely nodded, not wanting to loose my place again. The time passed quickly, my nerves and excitement mounting with every passing second.
Two hundred.......
One hundred.....
Twenty five......
"He's just getting out of his car Bella" Esme said, breaking the silence. I squealed, getting off Emmetts lap. I frowned a little at an arrant thought, turning back to him. Once again, he was like a mind reader.
"You look fine Bella, stop worrying" He rolled his eyes, pushing me towards the door.
A sudden case of butterflies made me hesitate. But, what if.......
"Bella, don't do this okay? You thought the same with us, and we are here because we want to be aren't we?" He said, as i nodded, gulped back the bile that, once again rose in my throat.
"Well then...... go on" He pushed me once again towards the door. I walked towards it, wringing my hands nervously, my heart pounding in my chest so loudly that i am sure Jasper could hear it outside.
Before i could reach the door, it buzzed and opened. Jasper walked through the door, allowing it to close behind him before turning and facing me. I froze, my breath stuck in my throat.
There was a mere ten feet between us, thought neither of us moved or speak. Our eyes, however, never broke the connection they had made. The golden colour swirled with so many emotions that i couldn't place it confused me. His face was soft, he looked in shock actually.
"Are...are you okay?" I gulped, nervously "Thirsty?" My voice went up an octave, though i wasn't scared.
He lowered his eyes to the floor "No, i aren't thirsty. I would never hurt you Bella" He whispered, looking up at me through his lashes. I sighed, frustrated. He was getting the wrong impression, i would have to show him.
So, i ran to him. I knew he wasn't expecting it, but it only took him a few seconds to hug me back tightly, burying his face in my hair as i buried mine in his shoulder.
"Good, 'cos this would be kind of hard is you were" I sniffed, chuckling slightly as he did.
"Yeah, a little" He agreed, but didn't move.
We stood clinging to each other for a while, neither moving an inch, just.... hugging like there was no tomorrow.
"God, i missed you Bella" He whispered into my hair.
"I missed you too Jasper" My voice constricted from the tears that were flowing down my face.
I felt and heard him chuckle. "Yeah, sure" He said sarcastically.
I looked at him, confused. He sighed, tilting his head to the side a little and frowning. He wiped away my tears as he spoke.
"I hurt you Bella. I caused all of this mess, and even before this, i never spoke to you, so how could you miss me?"
How the HELL could he think like that? Of course i missed him! He's my brother, no matter what he did or wanted to do, he will always be my brother. He thought that, just because he didn't speak to me, that i didn't miss him. That was what he expected. So, did he think that about me? He never spoke to me, so how could he miss me? We weren't close or anything like it, so how could he possibly miss me?
I stepped back from him, tears falling again. He was lying to me. Another person was lying to me! Everyone lied to me! Thinking i ws too fragile to know the truth and only saying things i wanted to hear, things that i could cope with hearing. Always sugar coating things so make them seem nice, or just plain, out right lying about it.
I was sick of it!
His eyes widened as he felt my anger and frustration. "No! Bella, that's not what i meant!"
"You don't even know what i am thinking about, so stop lying!" I said slowly at him. How did he know i was wrong if he didn't even know what i was thinking about. He just didn't want me to get angry at him.
I turned to leave, to get away from him and his lies. I wasn't sure if the others had been lying too anymore. Emmett? Carlisle? Rose? Esme? Had it all been lies? Really?
"Bella, wait!-" But i turned away from him, or tried to.
White hot pain sliced through my back as i turned my body. The pain took control, like it usually does. My sight blurred, my hearing faded, all i could feel was pain. Nothing else mattered, nothing else existed but the pain.
I wasn't aware that i was falling until i felt cold, i felt stone arms grab me and pull me. I could hear frantic voices all around me, and i struggled to recognise them, or put a face to them.
"Bella? Can you hear me? Bella!" The voice was faint, like in the other end of a tunnel. I tried to match the voice, but my mind couldn't concentrate on one thing. Every time i tried, the pain flashed through me, wiping my mind of anything but itself. Still, i had to know this voice! It seemed familiar...
Carlisle!
Yes, it was Carlisle. I tried to look at him, but it was darkness. When did i close my eyes? I struggled to open them, to see anything, but i couldn't find my eyes. I tried to move my head, but i couldn't. I was paralyzed by the fear, totally immobile.
I concentrated on the voices, trying to get out of this black hole that threatened to pull me down. I found that it was easier to hear when i concentrated on them.
"Emmett, get Ryan! Quick!" I heard a womans voice say. Esme? It must be.
I heard footsteps, but my hearing faded again once another round of pain ran through my body. I felt my body, my hands curled into fists, my legs curled so i was in a fetal position on the floor, my entire body shaking. Screaming. It was me that was screaming. I was fading again, into the blackness and i was afraid i would never get out of it. The pain never decreased, but my body became more numb. I was slipping.
But something held me to reality. A hand gripped mine tightly, keeping me grounded.
"Come on Bella! Stay with me, please!" It was Jasper, his voice was the easiest to recognise since he was the last one i spoke to. He must have felt my emotions fading as i slipped. Now... now he was the only thing keeping me from going under.
"Jasper?" It was Esme again, but she sounded confused. My hearing was coming back slowly, the pain increasing as my hearing did.
"She was fading Esme. Her emotions were fading, and she was numbing. I had to do something" He said desperately.
"Did it work?"
"I think so. Her emotions are stronger, but i don't know how long for" I could hear his fast breathing, his hand squeezing mine.
A screamed again as the pain ripped through me.
"Bella! Jesus, this is bad!" I heard Ryan somewhere near by.
"What do you mean?" Jasper asked frantically.
I heard him unzipping something, glass and metal hitting the tiled floor that i was laid on. The coldness didn't bother me, nor did the hardness make me uncomfortable. The pain and heat made those things seem minute.
"She's had these episodes before, since before she has been in here, but never this bad. It must be because she hasn't had one in months" He said quietly, somewhere above me, working while he spoke.
"Right, here we go" Was all i heard before the pain reared again and i screamed out. I felt myself shaking curling in on my myself, trying to disapate the pain somewhat. A sharp, quick pain in my arm was lost in the pain running through my veins.
"There you go. That should help" His voice was fading again, only the pain decreased with it. I was fading again into unconsciousness, but i couldn't stop it this time. I tried to stay grounded, using Jasper's hand to keep me here, but the pain got worse as i tried. Wouldn't it be better to loose the pain than keep it and be paralyzed? I was a coward, i knew this. I was running away, but i just wanted the pain to end.
I surrendered to it, letting it numb the pain totally until i felt a second of peace and tranquility. I felt the cold, hard floor beneath me, the cold hand in mine, i felt it as my muscles relaxed in the absence of the pain.
I had experienced hell, many, many times. So, this must be what heaven feels like.
Too bad i can't stay here forever
Tell me what you think!!!
Very angsty, this chapter. I was planning to do separate chapters for every person, but i just went with the flow and this is what i got.
I need to know People!
:)