Music Note: Teenage Paradise, by Foggy Mountain Rockers

13. REVELATIONS

Emmett lay perfectly still in the grass as I trailed my fingers along the length of his arm. He'd taken off his t-shirt to reveal a tank top underneath that decidedly displayed the reason his family hid from the sun. He was glorious.

Light radiated from every inch of his exposed skin, setting him ablaze with dappled sunlight. Underneath the glow, his skin was smooth, cold, and firm with barely any give. I marveled at it, struggling to find a comparison before finally accepting there was nothing else like it on this earth.

From looking at him this way I could see where the legends of vampires burning in the sun came from. Had he not been wearing a tank top, he would look just like he'd been set aflame: a burning, vengeful angel.

It was not possible for me to stop staring at him, to stop touching him. I picked his hand up and turned it over, tracing the lines in his palm, then comparing the length of his hand to mine. He laced his fingers through mine and sighed in contentment.

"You have no idea how good this feels."

"I think I do," I smiled, reveling in the coolness of his palm against mine. The contact sent tingles down my spine. Being so close to him brought up feelings and urges I hadn't thought about in a long time.

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

"I was wishing I could know what you were thinking, actually," I said. "And I was wishing I wasn't so afraid."

In a flash he was sitting up, face so close to mine that I could see every tiny green fleck in his otherwise grey irises. My heart sped as I stared. He'd changed positions so fast I hadn't been able to track the movement. I knew I should have flinched, or moved away, or shown any sign of self-preservation, but I couldn't move at all.

"I don't want you to be scared," he whispered. The words released me from my rigid state.

"That's not the type of fear I meant, though that's certainly something to consider."

"What are you afraid of," it was supposed to be a question, but he seemed to be as distracted by our closeness as I was and the question mark never made it to the end of the sentence.

Without thinking I leaned forward. The scent of his breath drew me in and I found myself responding without any thought. In that instant his face contorted violently and he drew away from me to stand up, quick as lightning.

As Emmett turned to make a mad dash away from me time seemed to freeze. The entire clearing went eerily quiet, no sounds came from the surrounding trees, even the wind died. I gazed around in the suddenly stagnant air looking for what could have caused this. The flowers dotting the clearing had stopped their dancing, a bird above was caught hanging unmoving in what should have been a lazy spiral, and Emmett was mere feet from me frozen in the process of running away, look of pure determination on his face.

It was over as abruptly as it had begun. Emmett resumed his flight and was gone as quickly as if he had simply disappeared. The leaves continued their sway in the breeze, and the bird went on its way.

What the fuck? I looked around blankly and found Emmett on the other side of the clearing staring at me.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Give me a minute," he called back, but I was sure he wasn't speaking about the same thing I was. Did he not notice time stand still? Maybe I imagined it.

In another flash he was with me again, kneeling before me, hands covering mine in a cool grip.

"I am so sorry," he said.

"For what?" I wondered.

"It probably doesn't make much sense, but for lack of a better analogy- I'm only human."

These words could only mean one thing. He'd sprinted away from me because he had nearly killed me. This realization drove all other troubles out of my head. Emmett noticed the change in my features and gave me a sardonic, self-mocking smile as he leaned back on his heels.

"There it is," he murmured and stood. "Let me show you something. Stay there."

I settled into a cross-legged position and watched him as he began to pace.

"I'm the world's best predator," he explained. "Everything about me is designed to draw you in. They way I look, my voice, my scent…."

He paused as if expecting some sort of response to that, but I was perfectly content to let this play out. I squinted up at him as he restarted his pace between myself and the sun. As he passed before me he became an agitated silhouette, gesturing in short movements.

"The kicker is that I don't even need any of that," he continued when I remained silent. "Watch," he said.

In an instant, he dashed around the meadow at an impossible speed, then stopped to tear a fir tree out of the ground and casually toss it away. He was beautiful like this, absolutely free and unapologetically himself. He flitted back to my side and peered into my face. Whatever he expected to find wasn't there however. He sank to his knees and took my hand up again.

"I don't know why I did that," he said. "I just… I need you to know what this is, what I'm capable of, and how very easy it would be for me to break you."

"Is this why you think you're a monster?" I asked. "Because you're super fast and can toss trees around?"

"No," he said resolutely. "I never worried about being a monster until I met someone I cared about hurting."

"Emmett," I said and sat up on my knees to reach for him. "You're not going to hurt me. I'm not afraid. You don't need to be afraid either."

My fingers reached his face where he knelt, and traced his temple, then his eyes, and ran down his jawline.

"See?" I murmured and inched closer. "You won't hurt me. I trust you."

I cupped his face and gently tugged until he looked at me.

"You won't hurt me," I said for the last time.

A beatific smile spread over his face, as he cupped his hand around mine against his cheek. "No, I don't think I will."

His whole body slumped to the ground beside me and a breath whooshed past his lips. He continued to smile up at the sky as he pulled me down next to him.

"What were you saying? About being afraid?" He asked, returning to our previous discussion.

"I don't really know how to describe it," I shook my head, leaned away from him, and sat up to give myself some room to think. "I'm afraid because… I know I want to stay with you, it all just feels so fast. I know I want this so much, I feel it so deeply already, but I can't see how to do this and keep this life I've carved out for myself. Now I'm worried I'm going to lose you."

"Like Dax," he said sadly, referring to the pet I'd lost. He leaned up on an elbow to look earnestly into my eyes. "I'm not going anywhere, you don't need to be afraid of losing me. Not like that. Look at me! I'm invincible."

"Then why does it feel like you're saying goodbye sometimes?"

He was silent for a moment as he adjusted his posture, sitting straight up in front of me. He absently reached for my hand again as though he needed the reassurance of contact. "I should tell you something," he said hesitantly.

"Anything."

"La," he braced himself. "Wanting to be near me is definitely not in your best interest, not only because of what I am… but because what I am makes me more dangerous to you than anyone else."

I twisted my fingers into his and rubbed circles into his palm to calm him. "Tell me."

"How do I explain?" He took another moment of quiet speculation while I continued to rub patterns into his skin.

"Whiskey," he announced. "You like whiskey, right?"

I nodded, unsure where he was going with this.

"Every person has a scent, a different smell, a flavor, even. The same way whiskies do- you could even call it a bouquet. What may smell like the perfect whiskey to one person can smell like absolute swill to others."

Now I was following and nodded my encouragement.

"Let's say you're a recovering alcoholic. If I locked you in a room with several bottles of whiskey and told you to help yourself, but none of the bottles were ones you particularly enjoyed, you could say no, right?"

"Of course," but if it was a 21-year single malt scotch…

"But if it was your favorite one, you'd struggle, right?" he confirmed my thought.

"Sure."

There was a pause while he looked at me expectantly. So, maybe I'm his version of a super high-end scotch? What's the point?

"Maybe we should have switched the analogy to a junkie with heroin. Something much more immediately craved for someone less rational than you."

Oh, "I'm your particular brand of heroin."

"More like exactly my brand of heroin," he corrected. "Like the chase for the dragon would be over if I could just taste you."

The rise and fall of his chest stopped as he squeezed his eyes shut. He was holding his breath.

"Is that usual?" It didn't seem like the right question but it was the only one I could think of.

"I talked to my brothers about it," Emmett said after a moment, and I could see him starting to relax again. "Edward, as I've said, lives in his own world mostly, and doesn't notice any human enough to differentiate. He's been on the wagon a long time. Jasper hasn't been on as long but he says it's happened twice for him, once stronger than the other."

"And for you?"

"Never, until now."

My next question was nearly to ask what Jasper had done in this situation, but knowing he hadn't been a part of the family long, the answer was fairly easy to guess.

"So," I hedged. "Are you saying there's no hope for us?"

"No, of course not."

"But if we'd met in a dark alley…"

"It took everything in me not to kill you that day in a room full of people," he clenched his eyes shut again and I realized he was remembering that day as vividly as I was. I stilled the motions I was making on his hand, not wanting to break his concentration.

"I couldn't understand why you hated me so much," I said after a long moment.

"It was like…" he chuckled darkly. "You were some kind of horrible test sent to destroy me. In five seconds I thought of a thousand different ways I could get you out of there to kill you. I couldn't stand being so close to you, I had to get away before I tried to lure you away. You would have followed," he insisted.

"Definitely. It wouldn't have occurred to me not to." I agreed.

"So, I ran." I thought he was finished after this, but he continued hurriedly. "I went all the way to Alaska. I stayed there for a week, and then I got mad again. Mostly with myself because I couldn't believe that your blood actually had the allure I remembered, and then I felt like a coward. And once I was feeling cowardly I knew I had to come home.

"I'm strong, the strongest vampire I've ever met. Who are you to scare me? Some tiny, insignificant human?"

I sniffed at that, but I could see what he meant. As he spoke I was getting a better idea of how large this world I'd fallen into was. Emmett was a speck at the top of the iceberg, and if that were true… what did that mean for me?

No way in the world would I be able to go back to regular life after this. There was no way I could go on now that I knew there was so much out there for me to discover. My thoughts must have been showing on my face because Emmett was watching me intently.

"Go on," I said, returning my full attention to him.

"So I took precautions," he continued. "I over hunted- totally glutting myself on whatever I could find, and I came back. There was no doubt in my mind that I could treat you like anyone else. I was arrogant about it, about my strength.

"When I got home, Edward explained that you hadn't said a word, that you thought about me, and worried you had offended me."

He laughed, "He told me that after a while you got really angry that I didn't come back, and then about your resignation that I wouldn't.

"But I wanted you to forget my behavior, wanted to be sure you didn't think there was anything weird about me or my family. So I tried to get to know you. The more I talked to you, the more I wanted to talk to you, and the more excited and curious I was for your answers. I started craving your presence. Edward thought I was mad. Still does, really…

"And then the van." He winced at the memory. "All I could think as it came barreling toward you was 'not her.' Later, I could think of a million excuses why I needed to save you. If your blood had spilled my entire family would have been screwed. There's no way I could have contained myself, and I have doubts about Jasper. At the time I just knew I couldn't watch you die."

A small part of my brain was shouting that I should be terrified, that I needed to get up slowly, walk away, and never look back. The rest of my brain was just relieved to finally understand everything that had happened between us. There was a twinge reverberating through my bones, a feeling of rightness.

"And in the hospital?" As I asked I began to realize the overwhelming feeling flooding through me was a revelation, and that this was it for me, I would be with Emmett from this point forward, no matter what.

"I was appalled and ashamed with myself. Angry that I'd risked exposure, embarrassed that you saw through me so quickly, and scared of what would happen if you knew the truth."

He shook his head. "It was bad. You knew something- more than you should, and the family took a vote on what to do. We had a huge fight. The worst one we've ever had since we've all come together, but in the end, we decided rash action was an even bigger mistake, especially when innocent lives were involved.

"Secretly, I was overjoyed. Of course, Edward knew straight away. There are no secrets with Edward. He saw how truly smitten I was and eventually sided with me and Alice, though Jasper was longer coming around. Edward helped by eavesdropping when you were with your friends, just to make sure you didn't say anything, to make sure we weren't in danger. I did my best to ignore you as if that were possible with the way you smell.

"Now here we are. I could never live with myself if I were to hurt you at this point. The thought of you, still, cold, dead… to never see you try to hide a blush again, to never see that look in your eyes when you call me out on my bullshit… it would… it would fucking suck."

"I know what you mean," I said softly, thinking of the slow revelation this conversation had caused to course through my veins. "I'm here, right? Roughly translated- I would prefer death over not knowing you. Tell me what I did before that made you run?"

"It's not you-"

"No, I'm serious, I want to make this as easy for you as possible. Whatever I'm doing that makes you uncomfortable, just tell me. This, for example," I took his hand and smoothed our palms together. "Seems fine…?"

"It's all fine. Just," he struggled to find the right way to explain. "It's your throat. I wasn't expecting you to be so close, and then you were and I thought it would be better if I were somewhere I couldn't smell you."

"Okay…" I wasn't sure what to do about that.

"It really is fine," he assured me. "It was only the unexpected closeness. I'm totally in control now. Look, be very still."

I sat rigidly, even holding my breath, as he bent to lower his face toward mine. His nose skimmed my jaw, then my collarbone until his ear rested against my chest where he listened to my heartbeat.

"It's so cool," he sighed. "I miss this, I think."

"Your heartbeat?" I asked in a whisper.

"Yeah, it's great to be close to one, knowing I won't be eating it."

I giggled despite myself and he grinned with me.

"Here," he took my hand and placed it against his cheek. "Feel how warm that is?"

It was almost warm. Where his neck remained icy, his cheek was almost rosy with the heat it had retained from my body.

"I wish there were some way that I could explain to you the confusion of the things I feel when I'm close to you, but as you're not addicted to any drugs I'm aware of…."

"Explain however you can," I was still sitting unmoving while he spoke, his fingers trailing up and down my neck, tracing my collarbones, and tickling around the edges of my ears. Blood was surging in my veins. The more he touched me, the more my hormones reacted. It seemed impossible that he couldn't smell my arousal, yet he didn't mention it.

"On the one hand, the monster inside me wants nothing more than to know exactly how well your scent translates to taste. But there's another part of me that doesn't care about the thirst. That only sees a beautiful woman and wants to hold you in my arms. I haven't felt desires like this in more time than I care to admit."

"It's not as long for me, but I think I can empathize on that point," I said, my breath beginning to come in short gasps as my skin tingled where Emmett drew lines across my skin.

"I'm scared to be close to you," he said, leaning in to breathe more of my scent. "But I can't seem to stop myself. I don't know how to do this without hurting you."

This was the first time I realized we had two options; we risk my demise, or we discover a new way to be together. There was no doubt anywhere in me that we would continue to try. I knew beyond any doubt that Emmett was going to be the last love of my life.

One way or another, this meant that I would have to die.

Either I would become a vampire, or he would kill me on accident. This knowledge became stone hard and bone-deep. For a moment I floundered. Could I do this? Is this what I wanted? An eternity of thirst with the greatest love of my existence, or painful death at his hands? Either way I lost my family, and they lost me.

The answer should have been obvious… my stomach rumbled audibly.

"You need to eat," Emmett realized. "Why didn't I think of that?"

"It's okay," I said. "I did, but we should probably head back before I get hangry."

Emmett paused in the act of pulling me to my feet. "Hangry?"

"Like you, when you haven't hunted in a while and your eyes go black and you get all surly. Only mine happens nearly daily." I pulled the last Cliff Bar from my pack and tore a chunk off in my teeth. "Ready?"

"Sure," he said. "But can I show you one more thing?"

A flare of excitement brightened the look in his eyes in a way I couldn't refuse. "Of course."

He scooped me up as I shoved the last bit of energy bar into my mouth and took off through the forest. His gait was so smooth and unobtrusive that I would never have realized he was running had my eyes not been locked open, watching the trees speed by at a sickening pace. Our speed was such that the forest turned into a blanket of opaque brown and green with little spots of color marking birds and flowers.

The run was just long enough to give me time to relax into Emmett's grip. I knew he wouldn't run into anything, and once that realization hit I was able to marvel at his speed and strength without fear. He was breathing, of that I was sure, as I could feel the rise and fall of his chest, but he was never winded. He didn't even seem to need to look where he was going as much of the run was spent peering into my face.

The run lasted about fifteen minutes. We were standing beside the Volkswagen in mere minutes after the same distance that had taken us most of the day.

"Awesome, right?" he asked with a throaty chuckle. He looked happier than I had seen him yet, spirits so high his eyes danced and he seemed to flit around.

"Seriously awesome," I agreed, his enthusiasm ringing a genuine response from me.

"I was thinking," he said and flitted over to stand directly in front of me. "I'd like to try something…"

"What?" I smiled up at him, trying not to show how overwhelmed I was by the day and my revelation about death.

"Hold very, very still." His expression turned to the same one I'd seen earlier when time had frozen, of intense concentration and determination.

Gingerly, he bent and pressed his lips ever so softly against mine. The smell of him enveloped me in the same way it had earlier. Before I was aware of any movement my hands were clenched in his hair, and my lips were parted to accept more of his mouth into mine. I wanted to feel every inch of his body pressed against me, wanted to know how his hips would feel between my thighs. I wanted…. and then I realized he'd gone so still he may as well have been a sculpture. His eyes were guarded and his expression was one of complete, careful apathy.

"Whoops," I breathed and untangled myself from him. "Sorry!"

"No," he rewarded me with an impish grin after a moment. "It's okay, it's tolerable. I can do this."

"Tolerable?" I narrowed my eyes and placed my hands on my hips. "Rude…."

"You know what I mean," he dismissed my acerbic look with a wave of his hand. "I'm stronger than I thought."

While I was proud of him and happy that he could so successfully test his limits, I wondered if now would be a good time to suggest the obvious solution to our problem. He wouldn't have to be so strong if I didn't smell like food. As he opened the passenger door for me I considered the idea and decided it would be best not to bring it up. For some reason, I already guessed he wouldn't be receptive to the idea. At the time, I didn't know why, I just knew Emmett wasn't ready for that conversation.