Dalton Academy Blues
"Always Darkest Before"
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Thanks to the actors, writers, directors and other crew of Glee.
January 9, 2011
Clarice texted Toby early in the morning on a Sunday. I have to see you today. Can you meet me at 11?
He would definitely be back from chapel with Trent by then, so he texted back, Sure. I've missed you all break.
I heard about your ex coming here and causing a scene, she sent back.
He tapped in and sent back, I had friends with me. I got through it.
Good, was the last thing he saw before getting up to prepare.
Toby had never really gone to a non-denominational church before coming to Dalton. In fact, with his schedule and family vacations being in various locales each year, he hadn't really gone to a steady church much over the last four years. It was a relief to attend the same place, and hear a new thought from the same pastor each week. He had really begun to rely on it, so he got out his uniform, and headed off to the showers.
Later, as he was adjusting his tie he felt presentable enough to head into the chapel. It took only a few minutes to reach Trent's door and knock. The door opened to, "Oh, hey Toby. I guess you're headed to service," from Adam, his best friend's roommate. The taller boy stepped back from the door, and Toby could see that Trent was laid up in bed still.
He took a tentative step inside and asked, "Are you okay? Normally you're up and ready by 8."
Trent looked over and said with a raspy voice, "I've felt better. Looks like we'll have to skip our post-church meal together."
Adam corrected him, "You won't be having any meals together until the nurse says you're not contagious, which may take several days."
Toby sighed, "Oh, man. If there's anything I can get you, let me know. I am meeting Clarice later today, so I could go to the drug store."
Trent nodded and said, "I'll keep that in mind. You're only a text away."
Toby waved and walked towards the door. Adam stopped him with a light touch on the shoulder, "Hey, if you still want company I'd be happy to go. You'll have to wait until I can change into my blues though."
Toby nodded, smiled and said, "Yeah, I'd like that. I'll wait in the lounge so I'm not tempted to keep Trent talking for half an hour though." Adam nodded in response and ducked back into the room as he closed the door.
When he and Adam got to the chapel they saw that it was not as full as normal. The pair walked down the aisle until Toby caught sight of a familiar face and sidled down to him along the pew. "Hey, you're William's roommate, right?" Toby asked. "This is Adam," he said.
"I remember you. My name's Tim. You're good friends with Jim aren't you? I haven't seen him since break ended, is he still here?" he asked, obvious concern in his voice.
Toby nodded, "Trent and I convinced him that he should think about finishing the year. He came back last week like everybody else. That doesn't mean he'll finish the year, but it's the right direction to that end."
Tim said, "That's good. I felt guilty because the day we became friends was the day he heard, you know, the news."
"Jim is a strong guy. I'm sure he doesn't associate you with the accident in any way. You should go hang out with him sometime," Toby said.
Adam leaned closer and asked, "Did you go home for break?"
Tim nodded and replied, "I went back home and worked in the volunteer clinic and at the local nursing home."
Adam seemed impressed, "Wow, that's a lot of helping out the medical types. Do you want to be a nurse later on?"
Tim shook his head, "A doctor, but I'll go for licensed nurse practitioner if I have to. I just really want to do things that help people, not just make them feel better."
Adam sighed, "Either way it's long hours, little time off, and little chance you can enjoy your family life unless you force yourself to enjoy every minute you get outside the job. It's always hard giving patients or their loved ones bad news, and you're in debt for a decade or more."
Tim looked over, and said, "So which of your parents is a health care provider?"
Adam said, "My father is an oncologist. My mother runs a non-profit organization."
Toby was shocked, "Wow, your parents are awesome, Adam."
Adam smiled, "Well, my dad was determined to have a home life, so yes, awesome."
Toby was about to reply when Tim tapped him on the shoulder. Pastor Jenkins was approaching the front of the chapel, and service was about to begin.
Toby parked his car and quickly walked up to the main entrance of Crawford Country Day. Clarice was waiting for him, wearing a heavy coat and a scarf. He smiled at her, and enveloped her in a strong hug through his own parka-like coat while kissing her cheek. Her skin was chill, even though she shouldn't have been outside for more than a minute.
"I've missed you too," she said. "So, do you want to go for a walk, or something?"
"A walk would be nice if it weren't so cold. I may have grown up in the Midwest, but this is too much. Ohio gets snow in amounts worthy of an avalanche," he said.
She smiled at his observation and lead the way into the building. She took him to a reception lounge, rather than towards the dormitory. "We'll have more privacy in here," Clarice explained. She moved to one of the love seats and sat down on its right side. Then she waited for him to get settled in, while doing the same herself. Clarice laid her scarf in her lap and looked at her hands as Toby stripped off his outer layer.
"So, your ex, huh?" she began.
He quickly tried to cut off that line of discussion, "Yeah. Melissa came to town. I didn't expect to see her again for a long time, and she accused me of going on a secret date with my costar behind her back because Amy came to visit." He quickly concluded the thought by saying, "As if she had a right to know who I was dating," under his breath.
Clarice sighed and said, "See, this is part of my problem. I am starting to feel like you're from another world, and the worst part is you aren't, you've just adjusted to things, including super-star levels of relationship drama, that I can't handle."
"That seems sort of like it's from out of the blue. Why didn't you say anything about this before?"
Clarice said, "Because I really like you. In fact, I've fallen in love with you... but you don't love me back."
Toby tried to grasp her hands and get her to look him in the eyes. She pulled her hands away and looked up at him. "You like me, but only as a friend. Even if you tried reciprocating my feelings, that wouldn't change where we are, emotionally," she said.
Toby began to speak, and she held up a hand to silence him. "Toby, I need you to know that I've had a burning desire for you for two months now while you're still working up the desire to be intimate."
"Clarice...," he said.
She shook her head and said, "I've seen it before. I've been here before. It may have been my first crush when I was twelve, but I've been here. You love someone else."
His expression changed to a slack-jawed look of confusion. "I'm not ever getting back together with Melissa. You don't have to worry about that! I do love you, Clarice!"
"It's nice that you think you do, but you're just trying to match my level of passion out of guilt. We're really close friends, but if you loved me, you wouldn't be able to sleep easy at night without having spoken to me that day, and you would have kissed me by now," she said. She finished with, "There's respecting boundaries, and then there's not knowing if you even want to cross them." She stood and smoothed her coat, draping her scarf over her left arm.
He stood and spread his arms wide, looking Clarice directly in the eye and questioning her resolve to walk away from their relationship. "Clarice, I really am not in love with someone else."
She stepped forward, and tenderly placed her right hand on his cheek and said, "I wish you weren't so oblivious to it. It'd make this easier!" She stepped away and her voice caught as he saw tears begin to run down her face, "I'm not going to ruin what friendship we have by trying to warp your feelings for me into what you feel for him."
Toby had begun to reach for her when he processed what she said, and his face switched to an incredulous expression, "What did you say?"
She just shook her head, "You might not really see it yourself yet. You're in love with a boy, Toby, and it's plain to see that he makes you happier than I ever could." Clarice walked away and the last thing she said before heading into the hallway was, "I am going to need space for a while. I can't separate the you that I love from the you that is my friend."
Still dumbfounded, Toby said, "Okay," and watched his formerly almost-girlfriend walk away. Toby wrapped himself up in his coat and trudged back out to his car. The lock stuck when he initially tried to get in, and he slipped on the ice while climbing into the driver's seat. Suddenly all of his luck was bad. Once inside he rested his head on the steering wheel and thought about the finality of what she had said. She didn't even want to see him for the foreseeable future. It was like someone just cut off his arm.
With an urge for help he reached for his cell phone and checked to see if Trent had called or texted him. When he saw that it was empty he sent over a quick text, Bad news.
In a few minutes he received a reply, What's wrong?
Clarice pre-relationship dumped me, he tapped back to Trent
How does that even work? he received next.
She said she couldn't date me anymore and didn't want to see me, he replied.
It seemed like it was entirely too long before Trent replied, I wish I wasn't sick. HUG
Toby texted back, hug. I'm coming back and then flipped the keys in the ignition to start the car.
He only had a few friends he was close with. Sure, they were affectionate, but he didn't have romantic feelings. For instance, his interest in Trent's love life was purely one of concern. Toby wanted to make sure that he was with a guy who deserved him, not someone obsessive like Andrew.
He remembered how he had felt watching them kiss and it wasn't like he was a bigot cause he didn't like watching that, it was because Andrew was all wrong for his best friend and... oh God, he had felt butterflies at that party! It wasn't disgust! The kiss wasn't disgusting!
Toby slammed on the brakes, and skidded to a halt against the shoulder of the road. Cars behind him honked their horns at him as they sped around his inert vehicle. "What am I gonna do?" he asked nobody in particular.
Two days later, Toby was spending time with Kurt to study for their upcoming geometry test. "I can't believe Mr. Parkhurst is giving us a test at the end of the second week of the new term!" Kurt said as they settled down in one of the dormitory lounges.
"It had to come sometime, he's just getting us ready before he lays my head on the chopping block," Toby replied. He had kept to himself since coming back, and given Trent's medical condition he hadn't felt compelled to see him, which would have incited an awkward moment. It had only been two days since he had actually entertained the possibility there could be something between them, and he wasn't sure what to do about any of it. The thought crossed his mind to ask Kurt his opinion, but he didn't know Kurt that well.
Kurt looked over at Toby's paperwork and pointed at one of the proofs. "No, that one's the transitive principle."
Toby gave out a small scream and threw his papers into the air before leaning back in the arms of the chair. Kurt smirked and said, "You know, the Warblers throw their sheet music all the time. It may make them feel good for a minute, but it doesn't mean that they don't have to clean it all up later."
Still leaning back with his face parallel with the ceiling, although with his eyes closed, Toby said, "Doesn't matter. My brain hurts."
Kurt planted his chin in the palm of his hand, as his elbow rested on the tabletop. He looked the other boy over and absently said, "Your hair looked better when I could recognize you from TV."
Toby's eyes bolted open and he sat bolt upright, "What?" he asked incredulously.
"Oh, I just wanted to be honest about what I thought of your makeover. We're not actually getting much studying done, so I might as well make small talk," he said.
"Well, I am getting it cut off tomorrow," he said.
Kurt sat back and pursed his lips, "Well, it was a valiant effort. It does make you look adorable, not that I'm stalking you, but it's hardly as carefree as your old shaggy look, which is more you, and it's not so elegant that it screams new you."
Toby chuckled and lifted his bangs from his view with his right hand and threw them out of the way. "I thought you were more into fashion, Kurt?"
"Oh, I am, but when in Rome... it's not like you're going to get away with a custom outfit around here during the school week."
Toby smirked and said, "Too true." He got up to pick up his papers so that he could continue and while leaning over asked, "So why did you say them instead of us earlier?"
Kurt looked confused and said, "I don't understand."
"Earlier you said it makes them feel good, referring to the Warblers. You're a Warbler aren't you?" he asked.
Kurt realized he had dropped a Freudian slip and said, "Okay, it's true. I am a member of the Warblers, but I'm like the obnoxious cousin you introduce at parties and then drag your friends away from."
Toby laughed and asked, "Care to elaborate on that?"
"I don't feel like I'm a Warbler yet. I've been here for two months now and I still feel like an outsider," he said.
Toby nodded and said, "I know what that's like, I can even guess that it's weird because you arrived in November. But remember, some of them had only known each other for less than two months when they met you."
Kurt closed his book and said, "Okay, enough of the Kurt Hummel pity party. New topic. Your love life is a closed book for someone who's been on a million TV screens. What was it like dating the starlets you've been with? Was it all fake? You know set up by your managers?"
Toby sputtered out, "I've only dated Melissa Wright and Clarice. I don't want to talk about either of them like that really, but it was real, both times. I'd never stay with a manager that seriously suggested I date someone for career buzz."
Kurt smiled, "Okay, what's it like to work with Kimberly Chase, then?"
"Um... Great?" Toby responded.
"You know what I mean! She's a singer/songwriter, an actress, and a natural comedic talent! How do you give so much next to someone who shines so brightly?"
Toby looked Kurt in the eyes and said, "I wasn't trying to be flippant. Its great fun to work with Kim. She has an excellent work ethic and is very talented. If Amy's like my older sister, Kim is my long lost twin. We got up to some great pranks, and she asked me to be in those music videos with her. Those were fun. And she's always funny but dedicated on set."
Kurt was taken aback, "Wow, do you have stories like that about everybody in your cast?"
Toby shrugged, "Don't you have stories like this about everybody in New Directions?"
It took Kurt a moment to understand, but he nodded and began a story of his own, "Yeah. It took some time but by the end of last school year, Quinn Fabray was fit to pop. Still, we were like a family by then, and we were on stage at Regionals and had just finished performing. On the way back to the green room her water broke and we all sped to the hospital, where a beautiful baby girl was born."
Toby regained eye contact and smiled, "I've never met a newborn before."
The next day, Kurt was about to head to his Navigator to return home to Lima. They had just finished a grueling practice session where he had flubbed his backing vocal for Nelly's Just a Dream by singing along with the melody like an amateur. Needless to say, he wasn't in a great mood. The exuberance of the others, especially Blaine, wasn't enough to bring him out of his funk. Half of them knew he messed up, but it was like they were riding off of the high of tying at Sectionals and didn't care.
"So spill. What's he like?" he heard from behind him in the hallway. Kurt turned and looked to see a young man, thin as a rail, with dark blonde, or perhaps light brown hair.
Kurt adjusted his grip on the book bag slung over his shoulder and asked, "Have we met?"
The other boy walked forward and said, "My name is Martin. And I'm talking about our young Mr. Armstrong. He's barely involved now that the play is actually in performance, and I didn't get to ask him questions, or get to know him while running lines. I just got to run lines with him. Boring."
"You're asking me about dirt on Toby?" he asked, unsure of what this was supposed to mean.
Martin wrapped Kurt's arm in his own, patted his forearm and began to lead him away. "Of course. You have class together. You study together. Do you ever ask him about his love life? Rumor has it he's been dating a girl, but has commitment issues that might point to him being asexual," Martin replied.
Kurt quickly spat back, "It was just the third time studying so far, and asexual is just code for being deep in the closet!"
"Exactly. So, and please forgive me if you've got your eye on him, but what do you know about him?" he asked, with all the feigned innocence of a fox.
Kurt gaped at Martin but the two continued walking all the way to the parking lot. By the time he slid behind the wheel of his vehicle, he felt dirty. Martin wouldn't let go until he told him that he really didn't know anything to tell, rather than insisting that Toby wouldn't appreciate him telling others whatever he might have been told.
January 13, 2011
Mrs. Reginald looked Jim up and down as he sat in one of the chairs in front of her desk. "Mr. Bartholomew, in light of your superb academic history, the school has decided to grant you a scholarship to pay your tuition for the second term of the year."
Jim's eyes lit up slightly, but he didn't say anything. She reached forward and handed him a check; the check he had written first thing upon returning last week. He reached out his hand and took the slip of paper that was his life savings and pocketed it. "I don't know how to thank you all. All the staff, and the teachers...," he said.
"I can't imagine this class graduating without one of its brightest members, and I honestly believe that what you need right now is as little change in your daily routine as possible," the middle-aged woman said.
She paused and made strong eye contact with Jim before continuing, "That said, if you desire, I do possess a degree in counseling psychology beyond my accolades as an educator. My door is always open."
Jim looked at his hands for long moments and then up at his school's headmistress, and smiled even as the tears began to slide down his face. "I'll remember that, but I want to get through this on my own. It's been seven weeks, and I have good days and bad days, but knowing that I belong here means a lot."
He stood up and said, "If you'll excuse me." Mrs. Reginald nodded and James made his way out of her office.
That Thursday, Trent stopped by Toby and Jeff's room. Toby hadn't been to see him, or call or anything besides some short text messages all week. He had missed his humor, his presence so terribly he had thought about leaving his bed on Monday. He had finally been ruled not to be contagious late on Tuesday, and then spent Wednesday trying to get caught up on his missed school work.
Toby was laying face down on his bed when Trent made his way inside the doorway. As per normal, his iPod earbuds were in place blasting out something loud, as he read a school book. Not much new was going on there, except that his hair had been cropped back into a more familiar shape, and those obscenely long bangs were gone.
Jeff was nowhere to be seen, so Trent stepped in and walked up to Toby. Now he could make out Love Drunk by Boys Like Girls. When his shadow interfered with Toby's light the other boy looked up and realized that Trent was not his roommate. He scrambled to sit up, swinging his feet rapidly over the edge of his bed, and nearly ripped out his headphones. "Uh... hey, Trent," he said, with somewhat of an embarrassed look on his face.
"Hi, I was cleared to go back into the world yesterday, but I had the longest day ever, so I didn't come by," Trent said. He figured it he explained why he hadn't contacted Toby, maybe Toby would explain why he had fallen off the face of the Earth after Sunday.
Toby averted his eyes and said, "I was pretty busy too. Just had a geometry test today. I think I barely passed it."
Inwardly Trent sighed, he didn't know if he could take it if he had done something wrong and Toby had been avoiding him on purpose. He thought he'd at least tell him what it was if he had. "So, do you want to go to dinner later?" he asked, trying to keep the somewhat awkward conversation going until one of them could shake the rust and go back to normal.
"Uh... I kind of already promised Jim that I'd go with him, but if you want to come along...?"
Not for the first time did Trent feel jealous of Jim's suddenly close friendship with Toby, and not for the first time did he feel guilty about his feelings. "No, you two go on ahead. I'll see you tomorrow for breakfast instead?" he asked, as he turned to leave. He gave a weak wave and headed for the door.
"Trent?" he heard over his shoulder. When he turned around, Toby was looking directly at the floor, which was uncharacteristic of him.
"Yes?" he inquired. Toby shook his head after a moment, and he thought he saw red creeping into his friend's cheeks.
"Nothing. See you tomorrow," he said, followed by Toby gaining his feet and concluding, "I'm glad you're feeling better."
"Thanks," Trent replied with a smile and headed out the door. He heard the door close behind him, and he stopped in the hallway and rested against the wall. Something was up with Toby. Trent began to feel like some little thing had set him off, and now he was going to alienate himself from Trent. Trent closed his eyes and tears began to form in the corners of his eyes, as he became choked up. He wasn't sure he could take Toby calling their friendship off, but he had agreed to go to breakfast.
Opening his eyes he looked up and down the hall, eyes misting as he raised his hand to dry his tears. Trent turned and moved away as fast as he could, unsure of why he was suddenly so out of sorts. The color in the hallway shifted and it was suddenly dropped into shadow, as Trent pushed away from Toby's door. Electronic beats rose from the silence and played out a full thirty second introduction before Trent began to sing Never Gonna Let Me Down Again by Depeche Mode.
"I'm Taking a Ride, With My Best Friend"
Trent forged ahead past people waving at him. "I Hope He Never Let's Me Down Again"
"He Knows Were He's Taking Me, Taking Me Were I Want To Be"
"I'm Taking a Ride, With My Best Friend"
As he made the turn towards the outer doors he brushed past several other students. His voice on the verge of cracking, he entered the chorus where he increased volume and stopped in the middle of the hallway singing directly into the camera.
Boys walked past him in the intersection and suddenly disappeared. "We're Flying High, We're Watching the World Pass Us By"
The other hallway occupants reappeared while he continued to sing the chorus, "Never Want to Come Down,"
Finally the boys disappeared once more and Trent stood there alone, singing, "Never Want to Put My Feet Back Down On the ground"
With a purpose, Trent pushed open the main door and walked out onto the winter colored campus. Mist rose from his lips as he slogged to the main building singing.
"I'm Taking a Ride, With My Best Friend"
"I Hope He Never Let's Me Down Again," as he walked he began to clutch himself to ward off the cold.
"Promises Me I'm as Safe as Houses, As Long as I Remember Who's Wearing the Trousers" He shivered in accord with the sentiment of the line.
Finally he reached the main building, "I Hope He Never Let's Me Down Again"
It took only a moment to rip open the door and slide inside. Trent collapsed on a bench right beside the entrance, rubbing his limbs for warmth and looked up forlornly as he again sang the chorus.
"We're Flying High, We're Watching the World Pass Us By"
"Never Want to Come Down,"
"Never Want to Put My Feet Back Down On the ground"
"We're Flying High, We're Watching the World Pass Us By"
"Never Want to Come Down,"
"Never Want to Put My Feet Back Down On the ground"
Trent stood up and smoothed down his blazer before turning towards the Warblers practice room and walked with a vigor he did not feel while repeating, "Never Let Me Down" until the end of the song.
Nick Tambor slid in beside him after four repetitions and began to sing the counter line "See the Stars They're Shining Bright, Everything's Alright Tonight." The song ended and both of them stepped into the Warbler's practice room.
Jim approached Trent at dinner the next day and said, "I'm staying."
Trent paled for a moment while he adjusted to the sudden appearance of someone in his blind spot, and didn't regain color in his cheeks until after he realized both who had spoken and what had been said. "You're staying till June?" Jim nodded and Trent stood up and asked hurriedly, "You're going to graduate?"
"Well, I think that's more up to the teachers, but yeah," he said sarcastically. Trent made a wordless sound and threw his arms around Jim to hug him. Jim was shocked and awkwardly patted him on the back in the middle of the dining hall.
"I'm so happy for you," Trent said as he released Jim. He looked him up and down and finally got the idea that he wasn't carrying a tray, "Go and get some food, then come sit down!"
"Oh, that's alright. I don't feel hungry today, plus I have a seat against the wall waiting for me," he said. Jim paused, glanced away and then back to Trent. He appeared to be looking for the right words to say, reaching for something to delicately put his next query into context without saying too much. "What's going on between you two?"
"By that you mean Toby and me," Trent said, not even making it a question. Jim nodded and Trent said, "I wish I knew. Ever since I got sick he hasn't been around. We had breakfast together this morning, but it was all small talk. I'm afraid I've offended him somehow."
"Well, I'm not the smartest kid here, at least not when it comes to friendships, but he spent a good ten minutes pretending he didn't see you sitting over here. I kind of expected both of you to congratulate me with the same enthusiasm as you just did, but together," Jim said.
Trent looked around at the sea of blazers and asked, "Toby's here right now?"
Jim nodded and waved as he said in a dry tone, "I like my friends being friends with one another, especially since it was so hard to worm my way inside the circle. Both of you need to figure things out."
Blaine came into the Warbler's practice room, which Kurt often made into his own study area when the Warblers weren't using it for anything else. Sure enough he spotted the countertenor reading a book with a pad of paper nearby. "Hi, Kurt," he said.
Kurt looked up and smiled, it was a genuine grin, and Blaine was happy to see it grace his friend's face. "Blaine. I wasn't expecting to see you again today. We don't have a hurriedly scheduled practice do we?"
"No, I just wanted to stop by before you headed back to Lima. Being as it's Friday I might not get to see you until Monday rolls back around," he said.
Kurt closed the book and crossed his right leg over his left as he put it down on the coffee table in front of him. "Something on your mind?" he asked.
"Well, a little birdie told me that you might be getting interested in a special someone. I thought you'd have told me sooner...," Blaine admitted.
Kurt blushed and said, "I've told Pavarotti not to be such a gossip."
Blaine smiled and asked, "So, when is your first date with Martin? I can't say he's not good looking, and he does share your passion for the stage and presumably Broadway."
"Martin?" Kurt asked. When Blaine didn't say anything in response, Kurt burst into laughter. "Martin!" he exclaimed while catching his breath.
Blaine was suddenly confused. "So you're not into Martin?" he asked as he sat down next to Kurt.
Kurt shook his head, "No. Martin is busy trying to get into someone else's pants anyway." Kurt hurriedly added, "And not that I haven't fallen in love with someone who was obviously into someone else before, but I'm not after him."
Blaine sighed, "Well, it seemed like Martin was suddenly into you the way he cornered you earlier this week. I suppose his interest going from Warbler to Warbler just seemed natural, we are the rock stars of this school."
Kurt asked, "Oh, so he was chasing you before, eh?"
Blaine shook his head and grinned, "Trent supposedly." Then he leaned his head back, relaxed into the sofa and began to laugh heartily.
Kurt casually snickered and said, "I think that ship has sailed, he's not going for a Warbler at all right now. And before you ask it's too creepy to say who he is after because it seems to be about sexual conquest and nothing more."
Blaine smiled and replied, "Nothing wrong with lust, as long as all parties involved know that's where the journey ends."
Kurt elbowed Blaine, "Well that's a trip I'm not interested in buying a ticket for. Now, are you going to distract me all day or help me with this homework?"
Blaine took one look at it, and said, "Biology? I'll pass." He stood up by planting his hands on his knees and pushing himself off of the furniture. "Have a good weekend, Kurt."
Kurt nodded and turned to follow his form as he headed out the door, "See you later."