A/N: I guess I got my muse back. I have some fresh ideas to work with now, to push the plot forward for once. I realize that this is definitely different from the original P/P, and a lot of people are telling me things along the lines of, "Get on with it, let L/D get together!" but I feel like a little more struggle and background is necessary to better establish the nature of their relationship. Hopefully, this chapter will set us up for propelling forward into the plot.
Chapter 13: Capsized
Lizzy Bennet woke up in the morning feeling very refreshed, and ready for the new year, though she felt a strange sort of foreboding, something prickling at the back of her consciousness, yet refused to make itself known. She shrugged off the feeling, pointing it to nerves, and a little headache from the previous night's drinking. Besides, it wasn't even that bad; after some breakfast, it would be all but a dull memory. She had woken up slightly earlier than she intended, so that she would have time to pick up Jane. She knew she didn't have to, but still, it was something she wanted to do. Of course, the car was still at the Darcy residence, so she pondered her predicament over cereal and milk.
By the time she had finished her breakfast, she had decided upon walking to the Darcy residence. After all, it wasn't too far, and she could use some fresh air. She closed the front door as softly as possible. Everyone else was still sleeping. And for a second, she wondered why she was so insistent on walking to see Jane. After all, it was the middle of winter, hardly fit for frolicking about outside. She shrugged.
Half an hour later, she was almost beginning to regret her decision, shivering on the doorstep of the Darcy residence when Richard opened the door.
"Lizzy!" he exclaimed upon perceiving her shivering form.
"Richard," she began.
Without another word, he stepped aside and ushered her in.
"Did you walk here?" he asked.
She nodded, her teeth chattering together.
"Here," he slipped off his jacket and wrapped it around her. Stepping behind her and grasping her shoulders, he guided her into the kitchen, passing the living room on the way. Seated in the living room were Caroline and Darcy.
Caroline's eyebrow rose at the sight of Lizzy, shivering, the hems of her pants covered in mud from the previous night's rain. "She looks positively filthy," Caroline commented.
Darcy made no response. His arms were crossed tightly, and he was staring very intently at the corner of the coffee table.
"Darcy? Don't you think so?"
Forced to make a response, Darcy simply nodded, unwilling to engage in conversation with her.
With nothing else to say, Caroline fell slightly, her expression slightly sour.
In the kitchen, Richard handed Lizzy a cup of hot coffee. She sat with her shoulders slightly hunched, his jacket hanging around her body, too big for her smaller frame. In her hands, she held the coffee cup directly under her face so that she could savor the delightful smell of strong, fresh-brewed coffee, and feel the steam rising to her face.
"Thanks," she finally was able to say, as her teeth stopped chattering.
He smiled. "No problem. You know, you didn't have to pick up Jane. We would have sent her back safely… though some people might have been reluctant."
Lizzy smiled. "It's okay. I wanted to take a walk anyway. I figured, might as well walk over here."
Richard smirked. "Are you sure there wasn't someone you wanted to see?"
Lizzy rolled her eyes, "Of course not! Honestly, enough about the insinuations with me and D--."
He pouted, "I'm so hurt, Lizzy. Wouldn't you want to see me?"
Lizzy laughed. She lowered her voice. "But seriously, enough about trying to set me up with Darcy, okay? It's not going to happen."
Richard, too, grew more serious. "Why not? Lizzy, I honestly think that you are jumping to conclusions here. I'm just asking you to listen to his side. I know you already think that he's the bad guy, but trust me, you've been looking at the wrong facts, and drawing the wrong conclusions. Your entire perception of him is entirely wrong."
Lizzy sniffed. "I understand that you are trying to defend him and act in his interests, but I honestly think I can take care of my own affairs."
Richard sighed. "At least consider it, okay? I won't force you to anything. But you're making the wrong choice."
"If I make the wrong choice, it is doing so knowingly, and I will have only myself to blame, since you have so kindly warned me. Thanks, anyway, Richard. I appreciate the concern, really."
He shrugged. "I tried."
Lizzy sat still, still holding the coffee. Even if she was misjudging Darcy, even if everything was different, there were still things about him that could not be explained away, things that were one hundred percent true, injuries and hurts that couldn't be erased. Perhaps in another life, she might have loved all of his flaws, and perhaps they may have lived happily ever after, but she only had this one life, she reflected sadly.
"Lizzy?" a tentative voice called from the doorway.
Lizzy turned to see Georgiana. "Hello!" she smiled, happy to see her again.
"Uhm, I was wondering if you could stay a bit longer. I mean," she blushed, "it's been a while since I've seen you. And I've always felt like you were really nice to me. I'd definitely count you as one of my best friends."
Lizzy's eyes widened in surprise. "I—I am very flattered, Georgiana. Can I call you Georgie?"
"No!" she shouted. Then, realizing the volume of her outburst, she flushed crimson and said softly, "No. Sorry. It—I—just—if you want to give me a nickname, it can be Giana."
"Sure, Giana," Lizzy smiled warmly. Clearly something had happened between the years Lizzy had not seen this girl to make her so shy and introverted. Lizzy suspected it had something to do with the aversion to the nickname "Georgie," but she did not inquire further. "Should we take a walk outside?" Lizzy suggested, sensing that the younger girl wanted to talk, but wanted privacy.
"Yeah," Georgiana smiled. Lizzy stood, and Georgiana led her to the back door that opened out to back of the Darcy property. Darcy glanced up as the pair passed by.
"Where are you going?" he inquired.
"Lizzy and I are taking a walk," Georgiana announced quietly.
"Make sure to wear a jacket," Darcy reminded.
"Yes, Will," she agreed.
"You better keep my jacket, Lizzy," Richard said.
She turned to smile at him. "Thanks."
"No problem," he grinned back.
Caroline gazed at the pair as they walked out of the door, her expression slightly disdainful. Darcy, on the other hand, looked after them with a sort of longing. Caroline scowled as she realized who he was really looking at.
"You are terrible at hiding your emotions. They show so blatantly on your face," she complained.
He turned to look at her. For a second, he studied her face. It was well-structured, proportionate, and it could be considered beautiful. But at the moment, it held no interest to him. Though Caroline might have gotten her face fixed so that it looked perfect, she hadn't been able to fix her nature. He was slightly perplexed when he wondered why she thought she could get everything she wanted with money.
Then the thought occurred to him with a sinking feeling in his stomach. Caroline, whom he so scorned, might as well be him. Lizzy despised him for nearly the same reasons he disliked Caroline. The sudden revelation left him feeling slightly shocked as he realized just exactly why she had rejected him so many times.
"Will?" she asked.
"Don't call me that," he snapped.
"Fine," she snapped back, "Darcy, have you been listening to anything I've been saying?"
"No, and I don't care," he scowled. His name just didn't sound the same coming from her mouth. He stood rapidly, and walked swiftly out of the door. There was no way he could keep going on like this. She was still constantly in his thoughts, and he could hardly bear it.
He stalked out into the cold, but it hardly bothered him. Perhaps it even cooled his impetuousness slightly, but most likely, it had not. His was the type of passions that only the most heated flame could excite, and it would not be thwarted so easily.
He walked around blindly, wondering where they could have gone. If he had stopped to think, he would have figured their destination out for sure, but he is in such a state that thoughts no longer came to him coherently. Instead, they rose to his mind, unbidden, in small fragments, flying so rapidly, like shrapnel. Indeed, he vaguely wondered if his skull might not explode from the thoughts flying around in his head.
After fifteen minutes of stomping about in the bushes, he heard voices. He stalked into the recess behind two hedges that was Georgiana's favorite hideout.
"Will!" exclaimed Georgiana.
Lizzy merely gazed at him steadily.
He stalked over to Lizzy, grasped her wrist and pulled her away.
"What are you doing?" she demanded as soon as he had ceased pulling her away. He stood in front of her. She looked utterly confused.
"I just," he began, "I just had to say this. I know you're never going to forgive me, or properly listen to me, but I just want to tell you I'm really sorry."
"For what?" she sneered.
"Today is January 1st," he said without expression.
Though she had not explicitly connected the concept of New Year's with the date January 1st, Lizzy had felt a sense of foreboding at the time of New Year's. As she slid towards the ground, she realized what it was. January 1st. The day of her deepest despair. The day that doomed her to start every year with a cloud of darkness over her happiness.
"And I want you to know that I am so very, sincerely sorry, no matter what you choose to believe. I'm not going to try making any excuses anymore. But I'm just going to apologize, no matter what I truly did, and what you think I did." His eyes were filled with sadness that didn't even begin to mirror the despair in Lizzy's eyes. He knelt down before her and awkwardly brought his arms around her.
For a moment, her shock prevented her from responding. Suddenly, she stood, and pushed him away.
"Get away!" she shouted. "The last person I need sympathy or pity from is you, Fitzwilliam Darcy."
He nodded, as if expecting the response. "I understand." He turned away, and slowly walked towards the house. Richard appeared from behind a bush, about a hundred feet away from the scene.
"Smooth," was his only comment.
Darcy could only stare glumly at his feet.
Lizzy, still among the hedges, sat on the ground, staring blankly at the ground. January 1st… she kept turning the numbers and days around in her head. There was no mistake about it. January 1st was the day.
A tear dripped from her eye, and threatened to freeze right there, so cold the winter air was. Tear after tear dripped down her cheek, until she felt the devastation and depression she had not felt for so long. The pain was still raw, and even the promise of healing with time had not been fulfilled. She had not even her favorite city to solace her.
She had tried so hard to forget the pain, but her efforts were all in vain. She had spent futile years trying to forget. But some memories would haunt a soul forever, and were not easily shrugged off. Such memories could corrupt a person's entire soul, turning it towards hatred, and anger, and obstinacy, and the refusal to see what's really there.
Such memories had corrupted Lizzy, and even Darcy, and seeds of their torture were the seeds of weeds; they needed no nurture, nor excessive water to bloom, and take root with thorny stems.
Georgiana watched Lizzy for a moment from behind her vantage point in the hedges, unsure how she should comfort her friend. Tentatively, she moved towards Lizzy, taking only a few steps at a time until she reached Lizzy's side. She sat down slowly, and put an arm around the older girl. The silence in itself was comfort enough. Lizzy held on to Georgiana as if she were a rock, the only unmoving thing in a stormy ocean.
But even clinging to a rock will not prevent a sailor lost at sea from being beaten by the waves, chilled to the bones, and drenched in salt water.
A/N: Please review! Let me know how I'm doing, what you think, suggestions/criticisms, etc. I'm happy to read them all Have a nice day, and happy fanficcing!