I apologize for waiting on the update. I was struggling with some ideas but they're back. This chapter will delve in deeper into Bella's past, sort of paint a picture of what she's gone through and dealt with. I hope you enjoy!
Bella's Pov
"I just don't understand," Jacob's voice was riddled with frustration, his hands occasionally gripping his hair.
His dark eyes looked so filled with pain and betrayal, I didn't know what to do. I'd been blaming myself for weeks and I knew no matter how much I admitted I was wrong or how horrible I was, he wouldn't forgive me. Not for a long time, maybe never.
"Why would you ruin us like this? Did you want out of this relationship so badly that you would destroy your reputation?" He looked up at me, his dark eyes holding unadulterated rage.
He stood up, walking a few inches toward me," TELL ME!"
The sudden yell startled me and I all I could was hold in my tears. I'd never meant to really hurt him but some part of me must've wanted it. I knew I was a terrible person.
"I-I'm sorry, Jake," I whispered tearfully. He took another step forward and out of instinct I backed up.
I hadn't meant to but he caught it and his eyes darkened to near pitch black.
"What, can you not be near me anymore? Does my presence disgust you as much as yours does me?" The words were harsh but I took them.
"No, Jake. I'm sorry. Please, please, we can.. We can work through this," I sniffled, but inside, I didn't feel the hope.
Something told me we would never make it through this without losing a part of ourselves.
He stood another step toward me and I turned around, wobbling over to the living room. The boot on my leg made it difficult to move fast and suddenly, I felt his hands in my hair, pulling me back. A scream of pain and shock escaped me as I fell back.
"You don't ever turn your back on me," his voice was rough as he stared down at me.
The look on his face was terrifying and I felt the tears drip down my cheeks as he lowered himself, kneeling by me. I tried to sit up but his hand lashed out, a stinging pain filling the right side of my face.
He watched me for a long time in silence before slowly standing up, blinking rapidly, "Get cleaned up. We need to leave soon."
The dream had been recurring for weeks now.
It started shortly after the mess that was the birthday ball Alice had thrown me. I didn't understand it at all, only that it was disrupting my sleep and making it damn near impossible to focus on work.
Not to mention everything that happened with Edward. He tried to kiss me and I hadn't stopped him and a part of me blamed the alcohol but I only got drunk afterwards and he'd been cold and distant ever since. He only talked to me if he absolutely had to or just communicated through the phone.
I stood up from the bed, fully aware that sleep would not come back. The wooden floors were almost too cold as I made my way toward the kitchen, grabbing the wine bottle off the counter. I opened the cupboards, searching for any glass, and saw a familiar friend.
The pills rattled musically as I lifted it up.
Maybe just one..
No, Bella.
I bit my lip, thinking it over.
One wouldn't hurt. Just one, to take the edge off. Just to make everything go away. It couldn't be so bad, right? My fingers twisted off the cap effortlessly and I pulled one out onto my hand, placing the cap back on it and shoving it in a drawer.
"Just one."
The doorbell startled me and I dropped the pill, cussing softly.
Fuck, where did it go?
Shit.
I walked over to the door, yanking it open, glaring at whoever was here at four in the morning.
Rosalie looked at me with sheepish eyes, "Sorry, Bella. I was just wondering if you had any antacids? I'm having terrible heartburn and Emmett forgot to pick some up."
"No problem. Come on in," I gave her a smile, hoping to hide the panic I felt.
Did I tell her? Should I?
I walked back toward the kitchen, grabbing the bottle of antacids and handing them over, "I don't ever use them."
"Oh, thank you, Bella. You are a lifesaver!" She gave me a tight hug and I hugged her back slowly.
No, I couldn't tell her. She'd be so disappointed in me after helping me the first time.
She left a few minutes later and I shut the door.
I let out of a deep breath and walked to the cabinet, pulling it open. The bottle stared at me hauntingly, and what Edward had said at the ball came rushing back.
Charlie knew.
He'd known and hadn't told me anything. He hadn't helped or reached out.
I contemplated what I needed to do. I needed answers, I knew that much. I gripped the bottle and walked toward the bedroom, grabbing the duffel bag beneath the bed and placing it on the blankets. I threw in the bottle, a few pairs of jeans, some long-sleeves and jackets, underwear, any essentials I'd need. I threw on a pair of jeans and slipped a bra beneath my tank before throwing on a jacket and my shoes.
I was out the door in less than ten minutes, locking it behind me.
Outside, the air held the nip of autumn as I rushed over to my truck, tossing the bag in the passenger seat as I jumped inside, starting the ignition. It took a few minutes for the truck to warm up but I never questioned my resolve. I had to do this.
As soon as I was out of the parking lot I stepped on the gas.
It was barely five in the morning and the streets hadn't become congested just yet.
With google maps on, I leaned back. It was going to be long trip.
.~.~.
"I'm sorry," Jacob whispered, tears reflecting in his eyes.
There weren't real tears.
He wanted to hurt me, I understood that. But he didn't have to lie about regretting it.
And despite trying to work things out, I knew it was going to end.
"We won't work, Jake," I stood up weakly, rubbing my throat. "I can't be here anymore."
He nodded without protest, leaning against the wall, "I'll send the papers."
I knew I should've yelled or pressed charges or something. But I didn't. I deserved this, the pain and to be broken. To be as physically broken as he felt emotionally.
When I packed my bag and walked out the door, he didn't stop me, and I didn't look back.
.~.~.
"We don't have to hide anymore," James had been repeating that statement for weeks now.
I gave him a slight smile, looking down. The boot had finally be taken off, and physical therapy was hell, but James was helping me manage the pain with the pills. To be honest, the pills were the highlight of my day.
He pressed me on my back, his eyes twinkling with lust. His fingers expertly removed my shorts and panties, separating my thighs. The belt buckle came off quickly and he pulled my arms up, tying them to the headboard.
After I left, I'd come to him. I couldn't very well have gone to Charlie, he would've questioned the bruises. James was the only one left. But now that we didn't have to hide, he didn't have to be as gentle and I was coming to learn he was a rough lover. It was still better than anything with Jacob but it felt...different now. The marks he left on me were damn near impossible to hide and he'd take my makeup so I couldn't mask them.
"Do you want my cock, whore?" I blinked, a bit taken aback.
He'd used those words before and sometimes they were a turn on but right now, he sounded harsh.
"Do you want my thick cock in that used pussy of yours?" He leaned forward, licking his lips.
His eyes were like a predator watching its prey and he pressed himself against me, rubbing right against my clit. I didn't like the words but my body responded to the stimulation, my nipples pebbling up.
His hands gripped my thighs a bit too harshly and he slammed in over and over. He fucked me hard enough to where it hurt but the pleasure outweighed it.
"Fucking slut. You fucked me while you did your husband. You're nothing but a whore, no one but me wants this used cunt!" He flipped me, my wrists twisting a bit painfully.
"James-"
"Take my cock!" He slammed back in and a scream of pleasure and pain escaped me.
"Don't say my name, slut. You're not my equal, you're my property. Now fucking take it!"
I winced, feeling the tears well up in my eyes as he forced my head into the pillow.
.~.~.
James had become pretty rough after that. Not physically, like Jacob. But when it came to sex, he was almost like an animal. It had been terrifying sometimes but I never said no. It was either tell him yes or he'd threaten to do something drastic.
I'd ended one bad relationship just to enter another.
I guess I had a type, right?
I shook the thoughts out of my head as I pulled over to a gas station, cutting off the engine. I grabbed my phone and wallet and walked inside, putting twenty on the pump and buying some energy drinks. It was almost six-thirty and the sun had already begun to rise.
Once I was done and truck was full, I hopped back in and started it up, driving back out onto the road. I contemplated calling Charlie and letting him know I was coming but I decided against it. He would probably tell Jacob or announce it to everyone at the station.
As I headed back onto the highway, I let myself my mind wander.
.~.~.
We'd only been separated for about three months when I saw him with someone.
I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes but there they were, walking out in the town square. Jacob Black and Lauren Mallory. I was surprised he chose her; he hated her all of high school.
She was beautiful, no doubt about it, with her platinum blonde ringlets and her ocean eyes and hourglass figure, she was probably every guy's dream. But that was just it. She was only beautiful on the inside. Her personality was comparable to that of a venomous snake. She was a conniving, vindictive, soul-sucking she-demon. But even someone that terrible didn't deserve to suffer the same fate as me.
After getting over my initial shock, I waited until Jacob had walked into a nearby store and Lauren waited outside, her eyes glued to her phone. I crossed the street quickly and walked over.
"Lauren," I started and she looked up.
When she saw on me, the victorious smile was almost enough to make me leave and damn her to her future.
Almost.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't the adulterous whore. And everyone in high school thought you were a saint. I knew otherwise," she shrugged, giving me a cold stare.
"Lauren, you can't stay with him," I ignored her words, it wasn't anything I hadn't heard recently.
"Wow, you really have some balls. What, you cheat and still thinks he belongs to you? Bitch, please!"
"He'll hit you. He's violent and unpredictable. You don't know him," I warned her.
"Oh, don't worry. I know plenty. I know you're jealous that he's actually found someone who'll do him right. Physically and emotionally. You're done in this town, Bella. Go crawl back into your hole because no one is going to trust or believe what you have to say," she snapped.
She grabbed the door handle to the store and threw me a look,
"And Bella?"
"What?" I muttered.
"He told me everything," she smiled brightly and I blinked, confused.
"Jacob didn't do anything you didn't deserve."
.~.~.
What a bitch.
I felt the truck rumble a bit and I glanced around, confused. The tank was more than half-full and I wasn't going too fast. I slowed a bit but the rumbling continued and I could see some smoke starting to puff out beneath the hood.
"Oh, shit!"
I quickly started pulling over, slowing down the truck until I could throw it in park, slamming open the door and throwing open the hood. A could of smoke sizzled out and I cussed loudly. Of course this would happen to me.
"FUCK!"
I walked over to the passenger side, pulling open the door and searching the bag for my phone. Once I had it, I searched for the only person I could logically call in a time of crisis.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Any thoughts on James or Lauren? What she meant about what Bella deserved? Please review and let me know!
Reviews honestly are very lovely to read, I love to hear all of your thoughts on the chapters and ideas!