MAKE ME MAD

By Allegra

See Part 1 for disclaimers etc.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: See! I did it! I actually updated in less than six months. I think I'm on a roll now. On the technical side of this chapter, I have just been enjoying going with the flow and I didn't want to get too bogged down with the reality of brain chemistry when I'm writing something that's fantasy. So, I apologise in advance to anyone who knows, well, pretty much anything more than I do about the subject. I've kept the science sketchy so that we can just enjoy the ride of Alec's demise & hopefully, eventually, his recovery. I'm sorry if 'MMM' resembles any other stories. I haven't read those ones but I hope this story doesn't stomp too much over ground already well covered.

The biggest, hugest 'thank you' to everyone who has been kind enough to review. You are so wonderful! Plus, thank you to Panda for re-inviting me back to GBM & sorting out the mess I always make of posting my chapters! You're a star!

CHAPTER 13

The decision had been quickly and simply made. There was no way forward other than somehow getting Alec to Harbour Lights. It pained Max to think how she was going to explain what was happening to him because she understood how frightened Alec was going to be. She may not have seen the 'treatments' he had undergone at Pineview, but the memory of how washed out and broken he had looked when she had first seen him still haunted Max. The fear of re-indoctrination at Manticore had been considered by the X5s as the worst kind of human torture possible. The scientists and doctors involved had no concept of mercy or consideration for the pain of their victims. The process was intended to break down the patients until there was nothing left of them. They were mere lab rats to these people and Max could only imagine how much worse White's treatments must have been.

Steeling herself for the task ahead, Max squatted down beside where Alec was sleeping on the couch. "Alec?" she whispered, still unsure what to call him. His number swam into her head but she refused to use it. That was a last resort. They were people now and people had names not batch numbers.

At first there was no response and Max ran her fingers along the top of his hand, afraid of jarring him awake. Alec shifted uncertainly under her touch and Max swore she saw a flinch in the tightening muscles of his face. His brow furrowed and he mumbled something under his breath. "Alec? Wake up." His eyelids flickered and Max wasn't quite ready for the forlorn hazel gaze that suddenly met hers. He looked so lost, a state she had never seen in Alec before. She felt tears prickling behind her eyes but refused to let them fall. There was no part of the young man she had known in there. Maybe she had rescued him too late. The damage had been done. Whatever White had set out to do, perhaps he had succeeded.

"Max?" Logan's questioning voice rose behind her. "Are we ready to go?"

Max turned a threatening glare on him, her sudden protectiveness towards Alec rising to the surface. She knew only too well how threatened Logan felt, had always felt, towards the X5. The two men in her life could not be further in extremes – Logan clever while Alec ran headlong into scrapes without considering the consequences, Logan crippled while Alec held super powers beyond any human capabilities. There were plenty of reasons for Logan to be jealous, but Max 's doting on him had always given him the upper hand. Now her attention was divided, turned from him, and he clearly struggled to fight the resentful urges Logan harboured. "Just give him a minute," she snapped.

Alec was already pulling himself up into a sitting position, rubbing a hand across his sleepy eyes. "What?" The sleep had clearly done him some good. He seemed less on edge, more aware of his surroundings. "Listen, Alec, we have to get you to a hospital." Max put a placating hand on his knee when she saw the shadow of anxiety flickering across his face. "Don't worry, we won't leave you there, but we need to know what has happened to you." She paused a second, then pushed further. "Do you remember what happened at Pineview?"

Alec stared at her, his eyes searching her face for something to latch onto. He tried to think beyond the blinding pain that had consumed him, beyond the fog of drugs they had kept him doped up on. "I don't know." His voice sounded cracked and small, "I can't remember. Everything's hazy…"

Max rubbed his shoulder, comfortingly. "It's okay. Don't worry. We're going to figure this out." She levelled her gaze with his, trying to reach through his vulnerability and into the toughened core of the Alec she remembered. "But you have to come with me to the hospital."

He hung his head for a second, nodding wearily in attempt to will himself on. He knew it was the only way but he couldn't rely on his body not to betray him, not to fight the panic that grew inside him with every waking moment. "I know." Alec looked back at Max, her face so familiar to him. How could this be a lie? She was a figment of his imagination, wasn't she? Then he felt her hand on his cheek, so warm and real. Was this just another hallucination, part of life his over-active brain had invented along with Manticore and the belief that he was some kind of genetic experiment? Yet, this felt like the reality. It tore him apart inside to believe that it might not be true, because he wanted so badly to stay here with Max.

"Alec?" Her voice was gentle but urging. "Are you okay?"

He nodded mutely, ignoring the tingle of tears at his eyes. If this was real, he felt safe with her. If it was a fantasy of his twisted imagination, then nothing could befall him. The hospital was nothing more than a bad dream. "I'm ready." He pulled himself unsteadily to his feet, swaying for a moment and Max slipped one hand around his waist to help him.

Logan opened the door to the elevator for them, shouldering the weight of the bag with a variety of different vials Max had purloined from White's hideout.

Max was grateful to Logan for driving. Regardless of the impossibility of getting Alec onto her bike, as a passenger she was able to spend time with him without it seeming forced. Even though he was no more than a shell of the man she had known, it still felt strange to be devoting so much time and care to him. Although she barely admitted it to herself, Max could see a more than passing character resemblance to Ben. It was like she had been given a second chance for atonement, to fix the boy who had been broken.

Alec leaned his head against the window, his gaze glassy and unseeing. He seemed sluggish now, his heavy eyelids closing for minutes at a time before jolting awake. His hands gripped the seat nervously as they neared the bright frontage of Harbour Lights and Max wanted to reassure him, but the words were empty. Alec's demons were way beyond her reach and only he could lock them away.

They had agreed to meet Dr. Muir there. He did consulting at the hospital from time to time so would be able to move around unnoticed as well as elicit help from people without question. He was standing, a lonely dark figure, outside one of the many side exits of the building, a hat pulled down hard over his head to keep out the rain. He recognised Logan's modified disabled car immediately and started to walk towards them.

Max opened the door and moved around the car to help Alec out, but he was already pulling himself onto the tarmac, his limbs visibly shaking. Small beads of sweat stood out along his forehead and Max wondered how much of it was due to withdrawal from the drug he had been doped with during his stay at Pineview and how much was fear.

"Hey doc," Max greeted him as pleasantly as she could under the circumstances. "Thanks for doing this. I know it's putting your career at risk."

Muir turned a warm smile on her, instantly melting her fear that he would back out on them. "Well, missy, thank you for the concern. If they retire me a few years early, I don't think I'd mind too much. Plus, who could turn down an opportunity like this to study a transgenic?" He caught Max's suddenly frosty glare. "That was thoughtless. I only mean from a scientific point of view, my dear. Your secret is safe with me. It's just pretty rare to get close to such genius of genetics."

"Genius?" Max sneered. "I guess if you weren't living it." She took the bag from Logan, "Are you coming?"

"No, I'm going to go park the car. I'll be waiting for you out here." Logan forced a pursed smile to his lips. Max nodded mutely. She knew how much he hated hospitals from too many hours spent lying in beds or in physiotherapy. Perhaps it was better this way anyway. He and Alec had never had the best of relationships and to see her devote such time to him must tear at him.

Steering Alec through the doors, Dr. Muir led the pair to the elevator and it took all of Max's super senses to keep track of the twists and turns they took. She always liked to know where the exits were, in case of trouble. She wanted to trust Muir but, he had said it himself, it was a windfall to have a transgenic to play with and Max didn't want to rely solely on his lead. He was in his own domain after all. He could inject both her and Alec with any drug he liked and they'd both end up in Pineview, useless to each other. Pushing the negative thoughts from her head, Max glanced over at Alec who was meekly following the doctor's lead. She could clearly see the way he clenched his fists tightly as if poised to punch, but Max knew it came from fear. Alec was broken, so she had to be strong for both of them.

"Here we are," Muir said. "I took the liberty of booking the scanner earlier today. No one should bother us for at least half an hour." He opened the door for the two transgenics and led them past the scanner to an adjacent room. Muir looked at Alec, taking in the shivers and the sweat. "There's a gown inside. Get changed into that and we'll see if we can't figure out what's going on inside that head of yours." He smiled, the same smile he had given Max outside the hospital, only now she saw it with a gleam of sadism. She hoped Logan was right about Muir's credentials. She had been tempted to go in with Alec but now she decided it was a much better idea to stay at the doctor's side. Nothing was going to slip past her.

"Do you know what you're looking for?" Max asked, glancing around the room for any evidence of foul play. The room was bare except for the scanner which sat ominously in the centre of the room like a double bed.

"Not exactly. My knowledge of brain science is good, I've done surgery a few times, but it's a complicated piece of matter. One can never anticipate what's going to show up. I just hope I recognise it if it does," he said, bleakly.

"That doesn't exactly allay my fears," Max said, shortly. "Logan said…I thought you knew what you were doing."

"Oh, I do," Muir defended. "I've just never looked inside a transgenic brain before, that's all. Don't worry, Max. I will do my very best for Alec." He looked at Max's unresponsive face. He didn't need a show of emotions to guess what was going through her mind. "Max, I know you don't trust me and I don't expect you to. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to find anyone to confide in when you come from a place like this Manticore, especially with the police trying to get a piece of you at every corner. So, I'm going to say this only once, since you came to me for help so I don't really need to explain myself to you. I have Alec's best interests at heart. Logan called me because I owe him and because he is a good friend. I've known about 'Eyes Only' for a long time now, but you don't see me cashing in on the fact now, do you? I haven't come here for selfish gain. I know you are concerned about your friend but, please, have a little faith in me."

Max was momentarily overwhelmed by random thoughts and fears, both rational and irrational, rushing round her head. One thing held fast though, that he had known about 'Eyes Only'. Logan was an easy target and it wouldn't take much to expose him. Plus, Muir was right. She needed to have faith that he could bring the old smart Alec back to her. She needed to believe it could happen or there was nothing. Max couldn't bear the thought of failing twice, first Ben and now Alec. "Okay," she said, betraying nothing. "I'm giving you my faith. Just don't let me down."

As she finished speaking, Alec emerged from the dressing room in his gown. He looked pale, worse than he had before. Max hoped that was just the reflection of the white gown material but she couldn't shake the fear that it was something worse. His eyes shone with an incandescence she had not seen before. It was blind fear that stoked that fire, his whole body displaying its evidence. "It's okay, Alec." She moved towards him, pressing her hand into his.

He nodded his head, rapidly, swallowing. "I know, I know. This isn't real. I can do this," he whispered, his words almost lost in the ragged breath he took. Max wasn't sure she had heard correctly but chose to ignore the statement anyway. It was only a matter of time before all this was as unreal as he thought it was and they'd both be back at Jam Pony, biting each other's backs.

Muir gestured to the scanner. "Just lie back, Alec." The young transgenic did as he was told, allowing his head to drop uncomfortably onto the head rest. His eyes darted uncertainly around the hollow cavity his body was about to enter. "Now, I'm going to have to strap you in. There's nothing to be afraid of, I just need to make sure you keep your body still." Alec looked at Dr. Muir, his hazel eyes bordering on panic once more. Max was half expecting him to jump up and run out of the room but then he nodded, curtly and lay still while Muir drew Velcro straps across his chest, hips and lower legs. "Okay, you're doing great," Muir reassured him. "Max and I are going to be right in that room over there." He pointed to the glass window above them. "I'll be able to hear everything you say and you'll be able to hear me when I use my headset. So, I want you to just relax, take some deep breaths, close your eyes."

The doctor watched Alec take several rapid breaths, clearly having difficulty calming his pounding heart. Gradually, the breaths evened out and the transgenic closed his eyes. He looked so calm and white lying there that Max could almost be fooled into thinking he was dead, were it not for the faint rise and fall of his chest.

Muir jerked his head in the direction of the control room and Max followed his lead. She watched as he deftly pressed one switch after another, letting Alec slide back into the scanner. A moment later, his brain showed up on the screen in front of them, first from the left, then head-on, the right and then the back. Various parts were lit in bright colours but Max's knowledge of human anatomy was pitiful. Aside from knowing where to cause maximum harm on impact, she had shown no interest in the topic. Something about being a human lab rat had made her lose her taste for pulling people apart.

"What are we looking at?" she asked, impatiently.

Muir's glasses reflected the light, making it impossible to see what he was thinking. He muttered something under his breath and pressed another button to allow him a good visual of the whole brain. "Just let me work," he said, when Max inhaled sharply and prepared to repeat her question.

Max resisted the urge to tap her feet and could only content herself with crossing her arms firmly across her chest and setting her jaw into a clench. Finally, Muir spoke. "Well, his brain is actually pretty much normal. I mean, I thought the transgenic brain would be…different."

"Well it's not. Is that all then? Didn't White do anything to him!" Max was incredulous. Surely Alec couldn't wind up like this on drugs alone.

"No. Something's definitely been done to his brain." Muir pointed to the screen and said, "There, look."

"Yeah, so? It's a nice little patch of blue," Max said, sarcastically. "I don't know what I'm supposed to be looking at." The moments had been passing like hours and she was worried about how Alec was bearing up inside the scanner. She grabbed the headset from where Muir had discarded it beside the monitor. "Alec, can you hear me?"

Muir looked up and then flicked a switch, allowing her to hear what the transgenic was saying. At first all she could hear was the sound of his breathing, coming in shallow, shaky drags. Then she heard his voice, thin and threaded with tension. "Yeah, I'm here."

"How's it going in there?" Max asked, hoping her voice masked her own concerns adequately enough. "Are you okay?"

"What's going on?" he blurted out. Alec had intended to keep his head screwed on straight during the procedure but, despite all his best efforts, the panic was getting the better of him. Every time he closed his eyes he was back at Pineview, a needle in his arm or strapped down for the electro shock treatment. Even with his eyes open, he only had a white dome to focus on, all too reminiscent of the surroundings he had been caged in for so long.

He could hear Max's calm voice talking in his ear but he couldn't focus on what she was saying. Alec squeezed his eyes tightly shut, desperately trying to keep track of the words coming out of her mouth but images flashed through his mind. He could see his real life, his apartment, his girlfriend, his family. They were behaving as normal, going about mundane business. Was that the reality creeping back in? Then, all he could feel was a throbbing ache somewhere deep within his skull. It caught his attention and then that was all he could concentrate on. The throbbing seemed to ebb and flow then Alec could feel his eyes smarting. He tried to lift his hands to rub his eyes but they were strapped down by the Velcro tightly pressed across his chest at elbow height. That was the last straw, sending him into a blind panic.

"Max?" His voice was barely audible even to his own ears but his throat was dry. He cleared his throat, swallowing to moisten his mouth. "Max? I can't do this….I need to get out. Let me out…" His voice rose with the strain and panic.

"It's okay, Alec. I'm coming." Alec heard her distantly speaking to Dr. Muir, the man's voice raised a little in complaint. He closed his eyes once more and tried to calm his breathing but his body was having none of it. Flashes again – his parents smiling at him over the dinner table, his girlfriend kissing him, his own face in the mirror then his own hands slashing at his wrists. Alec was lost in the moment, feeling the stickiness of his own blood on his skin, the fleeting pain as the blade cut across his flesh and then the dizziness as he moved through the loss of blood.

Nausea rose in him and it was all Alec could do not to vomit right there in the scanner. "Please!" He didn't know if his words were heard but he could already feel the tears making a path down his cheeks. "Please," he sobbed. "Let me out." A moment later he could hear the scanner whirring and felt his own body ejected from the machine. His eyes screwed tightly shut, willing himself to hold on before he was sick.

"Alec, it's okay. I'm here. You're out. You're safe." She whipped the straps off him with lightning speed, already registering the gagging reflex he was fighting. Instantly, she went to his side, supporting him as he retched over the side of the scanner. He ejected what little food he had eaten and too much fluid, but Max just sat and soothed him, her hands unconsciously running through his dark hair while she whispered words of comfort in his ear.

She was so caught up in Alec's agony that Max almost forgot about Dr. Muir. When she lifted her head, he was standing beside her and the look on his face said it all.

END OF PART 13

Sorry for any spelling errors or momentary grammatical lapses. In my eagerness to get the chapter up, I didn't check it. But, if you want to have a go at me for it, all you've got to do is hit that little review button!