AN As some of you know my laptop broke last week and I was unable to finish this chapter until it got fixed but here we are. As always reviews are welcome and thank you for the continued support of this story.

With the last of their children in bed Castle and Beckett collapsed into their own. Immediately they found the other and easily fell into their usual position with Kate's head resting on Castle's chest. They had found that, after years of practice, near death experiences could often be put to rest when they turned off the light to sleep. At times, of course, the darkness only brought their nightmares to the surface but tonight Castle felt comfort with his wife in his arms just as she did with the sound of his heartbeat. Still, neither were ready to sleep.

"Kate?" Castle asked as he tightened his hold of his wife, "What happened during desert?" He knew that she was still wired and decided to fill the silence with light conversation. The moment during the party, when he was watching her speak to her friends out the corner of his eye whilst he listened intently to Ryan's story, was the first discussion point that came to mind.

Kate frowned, then realising that her husband couldn't see her face mumbled, "I don't know what you mean."

"You had that frown, you know the cute one," Castle explained. To anyone else that description wouldn't help but he knew that his wife was already on the same wave length as him even if she didn't want to admit it.

Kate rolled her eyes. She knew the exact moment that he was referring to but after the traumatic event in the kitchen merely minutes before, she wasn't sure if she could take much more stress. Then again, with Castle stroking soft circles into her arm, perhaps now was as good a time as any to bring it up. "Lanie and Jenny were talking about labour." She admitted, "And it got me thinking about the fact that I can't remember any of our children being born."

Castle brought his hand up to run through her hair, "Kate that will be the first thing on our list okay? When I finish this course and you get all of your strength back, we'll do our best to get those memories restored. I'd happily talk about you crushing my hand three times all night but-"

"The memories might be fake I know. It's just the doctor said that my memories would most likely come back in order and for the most part they have. I don't want to be waiting months, years even, to remember all of those first moments." Kate did her best to keep the panic out of her voice but she found that now she had started talking more of her worries were surfacing. "Or I might never remember."

"Kate you can't say that to yourself. Memories are unpredictable, trust me. I've forgotten stuff too and whilst it wasn't as lengthy as yours I remembered most of it eventually. Those memories didn't come back in perfect order and yours might not either. The psychiatrist was speaking generally and you are no normal person Kate Beckett. If anyone is going to go against the norm it is you."

Kate chuckled not really knowing why. "Thanks for always saying the right thing." She told him.

This time he laughed, "I wouldn't say always but I am often right." He joked, earning himself a slap on the chest from his wife.

"I almost forgot," Kate exclaimed a little too loudly. "Earlier when I collapsed I remembered something well somethings."

Castle felt suddenly a lot more awake. "Right?" he asked.

"I was in a bathroom and you appeared behind me but I wasn't expecting you?" She knew that the details she had given him would probably do nothing to help him remember what to him was probably just another regular day years ago.

Yet Castle surprised her as he nodded saying, "Ah yes that was when I flew out to DC to surprise you. That weekend didn't really go to plan."

"I guessed that after I got shot," Kate rose her hand to stroke the unexplained scar at her side. The bullet must have been a graze as it was different from the others.

Castle however frowned, "No you never got shot, it was me who-"

"Nearly died I know. Another memory I had was us sitting at a table and you had just had blood taken but I was so scared." Kate interrupted him the excitement about discovering and remembering more of her past evident in her voice but her hand had stilled against her side. She hadn't got shot?

"It was a poison that I breathed in whilst in a car with a suspect in your case." Castle explained.

Kate frowned, "But I worked for the FBI so my case would have been-"

"Confidential yup. " Castle laughed, knowing what was coming.

"You idiot." Kate snapped, ready to give him another playful slap.

"I know, I know but I nearly died so that was enough punishment before you hit me again."

Kate dropped her hand back to his chest instead of hitting him. "Go on then what's the story there I can practically feel you buzzing with excitement or is that the alcohol?"

"Both," Castle joked, "So I was walking home to you when a suspect pushed me into a car at gunpoint. He starts babbling nonsense and next thing I know he's passed out and the car is wrapped around a bus stop. Turned out the car had poison in the air conditioning, it had killed him and gave me a lethal dose. Luckily enough you found the guy behind it all and we got the antidote in time."

Kate swallowed. There were parts of his story that made sense to her. She could almost remember pulling up in her car with Rachel MacCord, spotting the smashed vehicle before her. Noticing her fiancé standing at the scene of the crime. But the clearest memory was the fear. She was a cop, as far as she knew still was, she could fight fair game with her hands and had an accurate shot in a gun fight, but in medicine? She had no way of protecting him, of healing him. She never had liked feeling hopeless.

"I'm right here Kate," Castle must have noticed her tense, "That was years ago remember, you got the guy."

Kate nodded, "I know being stupid," she mumbled against him, doing her best to believe it herself.

"Never stupid Beckett," Castle corrected her, smiling down at her when she connected their lips.

As they pulled apart Castle's hand fell to Kate's side, the scar that she knew was there. "But wait I didn't get shot whilst you were in DC?" she asked

Kate pushed herself up so that she could balance on her side and have a better view of her husband.

Castle shook his head. "Can you describe the scene for me?"

Kate nodded. She closed her eyes so that she could picture it better. "I was chasing a suspect and trying to get them to stop but when I turned a corner the man had a gun to a woman's head. She looked scared and I tried to talk him down, gave him my gun but I put a device on it that created a small blast as a distraction. It didn't work. The woman wasn't a hostage she was working with him and she shot me in the chest." Kate looked down at her torso trying to picture the many scars that she knew her nightwear hid. Before, when she was getting dressed, she had taken time to examine each one, try to force some sort of memory. But the only two she could remember was the one between her breasts and the one at her side. Both from the funeral, both from the first time her, now husband said he loved her. The one across her shoulder and another at her lower abdomen were a mystery until earlier on when he explained how they had almost died on their kitchen floor. "But where did I get this then?" her hand covered his at the jagged scare at her side.

"We'll get to that in a minute but Kate think, did you feel yourself get shot? Can you remember where it hit? How it felt?"

Kate shook her head, "No. No I can't remember what happened directly after that it just changed and we were in that room."

"Kate I think I know what you remembered. When I surprised you in that bathroom and we made up for all of our time apart," So that was why he remembered that moment so well Kate thought, "you later explained that you had failed a training exercise for the first time. It was a hostage situation gone wrong and you got fake shot in the chest. Think hard for me now Kate. What happened after you fell back? You could probably see the sky. You would have been annoyed at yourself for failing. You would probably have let a groan escape in your frustration. "

Kate laughed as she nodded, "You know me too well. I did groan. It was my stupid mistake. Rachel came round the corner and told me that I had failed."

"See I'm right again." Kate hit him in the chest one last time before snuggling back down to rest there.

She lifted up her top to expose her still unexplained scar. "So how did I get this then?" she asked, "Before you say it I know, I know, fake memories and all that but I'm not too bothered about fully remembering another shooting so please just explain it."

His hand found hers and his thumb stroked over the rough skin. "You went out on your own to fight Lockstat and you got grazed by a bullet. Stitched it up yourself with no more than a needle and thread, vodka for a pain killer and steriliser. You really are a badass sometimes."

They both laughed. Kate did her best to remember what must have been a very painful experience and a very terrifying one if Castle wasn't with her during it, but nothing came to mind. After her first shooting she would have given anything to forget the pain of the following months, it was with that thought in mind that she decided to push no further tonight.

"Wait I just realised, the memory you remembered about the fake shooting happened before our reunion but you remembered it after. Five seconds to be fair but still after. See told you memories could return in the wrong order. I was right three times in a row, at two in the morning and just a little bit tipsy. You're married to a genius Kate Beckett."

Kate rolled her eyes not caring that he couldn't see her and merely rose her hand to scratch soothingly at his chest.

Castle yawned again, "Yeah a very tired genius. Come on babe time for sleep." She reached across and turned off the lamp.

"Goodnight Castle."

"Night Kate."

Kate stood outside the door to Peter's and took one last steadying breath before making her way inside. It had taken more persuasion than she had anticipated for Amelia to allow her to leave the house alone. The fear that her daughter showed in her eyes as she waved goodbye, promising to have the house tidy for when she came back, was heart-breaking.

Kate forced her guilt down as she noticed a woman with a red bob of hair sitting with her back to the door. Kate smiled at a waiter who looked to offer her help and told him she was meeting someone. He smiled at her in return and Kate felt his eyes scan her body. He must have been late forties at least, probably one of the owners of the place from the way he carried himself- like he had money. He wasn't all that bad looking either. Kate couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable that he would look at a woman of her age but then she realised, as she came within a meter of Alexis's table, that the man was in fact around the same age she was.

Alexis must have felt someone staring for she turned around slowly. When she met Kate's gaze she sprung to her feet. Then froze, awkwardly.

Kate offered her a gentle smile and pulled the young woman slowly into a hug.

Alexis looked even older than the picture on Castle's desk. Her red hair hung lifelessly to just below her chin. What had once been bright blue eyes to match her father's were now dull and rimmed with dark shadows that were barely covered by the light makeup. She had obviously applied it in the hope of fooling Kate into thinking that she was copping, that she had slept in the last month, but Kate knew from a signal glance that neither were true.

Alexis suggested that Kate sit, as the older woman did so she let out a gentle sigh of relief. The walk hadn't been that far but she was still weak.

The atmosphere between the two women was tense. Small talk seemed stupid and careless when they had so many important matters to discuss but those matters seemed too big to challenge at the start of their lunch.

Luckily a waitress appeared to ask them for their order before Kate could say something stupid like how are you.

She bowed her head to check the menu but was surprised when Alexis spoke in a small voice "Could we have our usual please Camille."

Kate looked over at the woman in shock but Alexis merely smiled and shook her head, a look that said trust me.

Kate smiled in return and sat back in her seat doing her best to remember the young waitress in the hope that she could recall how the seemingly stranger knew her order by memory. She then let her gaze fall on Alexis and looking at the hopelessness that she found there she felt the pull to start any sort of conversation become unbearable but just as she opened her mouth to speak Alexis blurted out. "I lied."

Kate frowned at her in reply, knowing better than to speak when Alexis showed the same concentrating look her father did when he didn't know what to say next.

"I need you to understand why I did this. I need you to understand why I kept my distance until now, why my dad knows nothing about what I'm going to tell you next." Alexis no longer made eye contact with Kate, instead she became fixated on her hands that were clasped on the table in front of her.

Kate nodded none the less, "It's alright Alexis take your time."

"I didn't just get a concussion. " Alexis' hand subconsciously rose to her forehead. Now that she had drawn attention to the spot just below her hairline Kate noticed a criss-cross of lines maybe five or six no more than two centimetres long. "I got kicked pretty hard in the stomach time and time again and I" her hand now found her lower torso, "I had a miscarriage. I lost a baby that I didn't even know I was carrying."

"Oh Alexis," Kate reached out to take the hand still resting on the table into her own, "I'm so sorry."

Alexis shook her head trying to clear the tears from her eyes. "It's not your fault. That's not why I'm telling you this. It's so that you can understand why I did what I did."

Kate shook her head and tightened her grip on the young woman's hand, "Alexis let's leave that for a second yeah? Who knows about this? Your Dad?"

Alexis shook her head. No. Well she had already mentioned that Castle knew nothing about what Kate was about to hear, still it came as a shock that she would keep him in the dark about something as big as this.

"The father?" Kate tried, the knot in her stomach tightening as she felt Alexis' hand begin to shake.

Again she shook her head no.

A few seconds past that felt like minutes before a stoic expression took over Alexis' face as she said, "Well that's not entirely true there's a chance he might know since it was him that made me lose it."

Kate froze.

"That's what I've been trying to tell you Kate. I lied when I said I didn't know who did this to me. I did know, I do know. It was David. My partner."

Kate felt her heart plummet inside her chest, the hair on the back of her neck stood up, a small gasp escaped her lips.

"Please understand I couldn't tell dad he would only kill him. I couldn't tell the police because… because oh god I still love him. I still love him so much even after all he has done to me, to you. He deserves to pay the price for it but instead I let him get away. He could be half way across the world setting up a company under a new name for all I know. Whilst you've forgot the best part of a decade of your life and I'm a mess."

Kate felt the familiar prickle of her own tears to match the ones rolling down Alexis' cheeks. She had thought that what she was going through was hell but what the girl who she was starting to see as family, could tell that know they truly were, had been through was unimaginable. She fought back the urge to apologise again and instead asked, "Why are you telling me this now? You know I'm a cop and I would want to find him?

"When it happened I didn't want to tell anyone because I was shocked and embarrassed. David was my partner I let him into our lives I told him where we were going to be. I helped him plan it. I knew that when you came out of your operation you would tell the police. Hell you would want to have an active part in taking him down, so I told them that the attacker got me from behind and that I didn't see his face. Later when they said you were in a coma, I … oh please don't hate me but a part of me was relieved that I could keep my story spinning longer but when you didn't wake up and I realised how serious it was I knew I would have to tell the truth. Yet, when I went to call Ryan, I realised that I couldn't do it. My dad he was a mess. He kept the family together sure but that night, as I went to hit the dial button, he called me. He was sobbing Kate, I haven't seen him in that mess in a long time and it killed me. I knew that if I told him the truth he would just jump further down the rabbit hole and chase David down probably getting himself hurt in the process. I couldn't let that happen, not when he had the kids to look after. Then there was the selfish part of me that realised that I didn't want him to think less of me for lying. He would have hated me for it Kate, hell he still might. It was a week after that night that you woke up. I had taken the kids out when I got the message and I was so relieved and terrified. That I panicked. I made my excuse and left, to wait the rest of the night for a phone call from him that never came. Then I got the text about you forgetting everything and I thought it was such a horrific blessing and if that alone doesn't make me a monster, no matter everything else that I have just said, then I don't know what does."

Kate could do nothing but stare in shock. Never in her memory could she remember Alexis' opening up to her in any way similar to this. It was like a drain had been burst and everything that she had held inside had come pouring out. She felt her own tears roll down her cheeks. "You're not a monster Alexis just human." She promised.

"You don't hate me?"

The question sent Kate's mind spiralling again. How did she feel under all of the shock? Sorrow for Alexis sure. Anger maybe somewhere deep down at the fact that yes this man was now going to be so much harder to catch. There was even part of her relieved that she was now no longer in the dark and could finally help her. But hatred? She shook her head no. "How could I? I care about you more than you realise." A hint of a smile reached Alexis' lips. Kate took that as encouragement to say what was the most forefront of all of her thoughts, "But we do have to tell your dad, at least about the fact that it was David."

Alexis nodded, "and the baby too, he deserves to know everything. Plus, it will help me deal with it better if he does, if I have less secrets, or at least that's what Dr Vincent tells me."

They fell into silence once more. Any platitudes that Kate could have made she realised were fruitless, the young girl didn't need to hear them now. From what she could gather she was well into dealing with her loss of the baby but hadn't scratched the surface of the issue with David. She knew it would come and in that moment she swore that she would help Alexis get through it. Perhaps together they could both find their way back to normality. With the help of their family of course.