Have you guys figured out yet that I make up most of this stuff on the spot?
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The world is broken
And halos fail to glisten
You try to make a difference
But no one wants to listen
(Neutron Star Collison by Muse)
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Chapter Twelve: Facets
Jane picked at the waffles on her plate, not paying attention as she popped them into her mouth. The table was set with extravagant fineries, dishes and a vase or two as it always was for breakfast. She never attended before, but Fandral talked her into it. Now she sat at her usual seat at one end of the table, staring down at the chair at the other.
Stars were the only thing on her mind. Falling asleep was a mistake. There wasn't nearly enough time for her to appreciate them as much as she wanted. Agreeing to attend breakfast, she had hoped she'd get a chance to ask Loki more about them. That wasn't to say she wished for his company. She merely wanted to hear his account. Thor did say his brother was smart. There was nothing wrong with wanting to see for herself. She didn't want his company. She ignored the pang of disappointment she felt as she stared at the empty chair.
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As a child, Loki was frightened of many things. Nothing he would admit now, but they were usual childish fears. The dark, thunder, the monster in his wardrobe. His blanket was his sanctuary. None of his fears could reach him. In its warmth, he knew he was safe and all the evils were vanquished. If the blanket wasn't enough, he always had someone he could turn to, someone he could rely on. He wasn't a child anymore. The dark became his friend. Thunder an annoyance. The monster in his wardrobe never existed. The monster was under his skin. The blanket couldn't protect him from what was inside. And as for the someone he used to rely on… that didn't matter anymore.
Now, like a petulant child, he hid under his covers, locked his doors, blocked everything out. He needed to block it out. He needed to forget. He couldn't. It was inside him. Something he couldn't escape no matter the measures he took, no matter the distance he traveled. Nothing could ever separate him from what he was. Monster. Frost giant. He squeezed his eyes shut tight, holding the blanket over his head, desperately wanting to forget everything, but its warmth. Nothing worked. Motionless, he hadn't moved since Fandral left, nor had he any intentions of getting up. The whirlwind in his head was all his energy could focus on and all else became trifling.
What a fool he had been, pursuing the mortal Jane Foster. Rightly, his touch should have seared her flesh. Should've burned her from the cold. What an idiot. He could've badly injured her and then what? Her accusations would prove true. He was a monster. He destroyed everything he touched. Loki laughed bitterly. There was no need for proof. His existence was enough. The mortal was right, but she knew not how true her words were. If she only knew this was his true skin and not the results of a 'curse', what would she have to say then? He frowned. She already said it.
From what he knew, frost giants couldn't touch other creatures without inflicting their frost touch. How did he not harm her? Loki's brow furrowed, and he licked his lips, the dryness of them unbearable.
Light started to dapple on his blanket, pressing against his shut eyes and he loathed it. He needed absolute darkness. Throwing his arm over his eyes, he blocked out the light, willing it away. If only blocking out himself was so simple.
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The halls, as the rest of the palace, were gilded in gold. Each tile, each column, glistening in all its splendor. Jane couldn't help feeling a little alighted being in a place so beautiful. Once finished with breakfast, she had decided to explore the unlocked rooms. Fandral and Sif had offered to show her around, but she declined, thinking it'd be more fun to see what she'd find on her own. She also didn't need to hear the candlestick yammering on about how she should give Loki a chance. The little piece of lighting was, though subtle, relentless.
As she walked through the halls, peering casually into door after door, she came across a wide open space, a very large room with ceilings higher than she had seen and in the far corner, she noticed ginormous grandfather clocks that were as tall as the ceiling and nearly half the width of the room. One stood in the left back corner and the other in the right, both facing towards the hallway she stepped from. She stared at them, incredulous. As she neared, studying the well-polished faces high above her, she realized there were indeed human faces upon them. The one on the left was an old man's face, who was missing an eye while the one on the right was an older woman with kind eyes. They were familiar somehow.
"Hello?" Jane called up to them as she approached. This was the first time she met any other live objects aside from Fandral, Sif, the spice shakers and an occasional feather duster.
The clocks moved their eyes on her. The man spoke first. "Child, I see you have found your way to our room."
His voice was loud, booming, making her wince and hold her hands over her ears. "Uh! Uh, um, yes, I have. And who are you?" She stared up in wonder at their unusual size. "And how are you so big?"
The woman clock answered. "We are, what you would call, the king and queen of Asgard."
Jane's eyebrows shot up and she dropped her hands to her sides. "You're Thor's parents."
The woman clock smiled. "Yes. He talked much about you."
"He did?"
"Yes, and you are even smaller than he described," the man deadpanned.
The woman hushed him. "Don't listen to him. I am Frigga. And this grump is Odin."
Odin rolled his eye. "It is situations as these that make me this way."
To Jane, Frigga said, "He has always been a clock."
Jane looked at them in bewilderment.
"Do not tell her lies," Odin demanded. "She came here for a purpose. Or so she should have." Looking at Jane, he continued, "What is it, Child? What do you need?"
Jane shuffled her feet, unsure. "I was going through the rooms and ended up here."
Odin sighed. "What did I tell you, Frigga? Mortals are daft things."
"Excuse you?" Jane glared at him.
"Odin," Frigga hissed under her breath. "You're not giving her a chance." She looked back at Jane. "There is not much we can do. We are trapped in this room, unable to move. Perhaps we can help you in another way, nonetheless."
"I could use advice," she told them honestly. "I don't know how to handle your son. He's been… strange, to say the least. He's… he's…" Jane sighed, running her hand through her hair, looking down. "He's not what I expected."
"What did you expect?" Frigga asked.
Jane shrugged, looking up at them. "I don't know. A tyrant. A child throwing a tantrum." She winced, seeing Frigga's confused face. "No offense. I just expected the villain who was in New York."
Frigga considered her, her eyes calculating. "And how has my son acted?"
Jane hesitated. "For lack of a better term, tolerable. Strangely enough." Frigga raised her metallic, number one and number two eyebrows at this. Jane hurried to explain. "He has done nothing, but compliment me and be nice to me since I got here. But, I know it's all part of some trick. He makes me dine with him no matter where I go. He even sat on flour sacks in the kitchen with me."
Amusement lit both clocks eyes. "There's something you don't see," Odin muttered.
"It sounds to me he is trying his best," Frigga said.
"For what though?" Jane asked. "Why is he trying anything? He must be trying to spite Thor, right?"
"Perhaps," Frigga conceded. "Or he desires the company."
Jane sighed. "I'm sorry, but that's what everyone keeps saying."
"Then could it be the truth?"
Jane frowned. "Why would he want my company?"
"My son is a lonely soul. Not many take kindly to him. Surely, that much is obvious."
"Not many take kindly to someone who tried to take over their world," Jane said gravely.
"The child has a point," Odin murmured.
Frigga ignored him. "If he is trying so hard to win your favor, should you not give him at least a chance?"
"It's not that simple."
"Why not?"
"All of this is a lie. His kindness, if it can be called that-"
"Would you call it anything else?"
"Manipulation," Jane seethed. "He's manipulating me. Somehow. For something. I don't know."
"What else has my son done?"
Jane crossed her arms, glancing down. "Well, he… he stole my stars," she said, indignantly.
Frigga looked on in confusion. "He stole your stars?"
"Yes," Jane paused, realizing how foolish that must sound. "Well, not exactly. He- he cast an illusion or something of the stars back on Midgard and made them hang over the dining table."
"That sounds thoughtful," Frigga mused.
"It was not," Jane insisted. "He had no right to use the stars I love in way of his manipulation of me."
"Why did he create the stars?" Frigga asked.
"To use me."
"How do you know?"
"Because- because," Jane stuttered and then stopped, her eyes widening. She didn't know. Not for sure. All of this was based on her assumptions. She didn't really know Loki's plan for any of this. "Alright, I don't know," she admitted. "But, why else would he do that?"
"Perhaps he wanted to make you feel more at home," Frigga suggested. "Not all of his motives have to be cruel."
"If he wanted to make me feel at home, he'd let me go," Jane pointed out.
"Did you not make a deal?"
Jane frowned. "I didn't-"
"Thor was here, but now he is gone."
Jane felt her mouth go dry. "Well, I, I mean, yes, sort of. I guess I might've…" She sighed. "I made a deal, you are right, for Thor to go home and for me to stay."
"Yes, and Loki doesn't have to treat you this way. By all means, you are his prisoner, as we all are. Yet, he treats you kindly. What is it to ask of you to do the same?"
Jane's stomach knotted painfully. She clenched her jaw and told herself that was not guilt. "It is not so simple," she said weakly.
"No one is telling you to love him."
"He is," Jane argued. "He told me I had to try to love him. What is that about?"
"Is he not alone in this palace? Has he anyone to call his own?"
Jane shook her head. "I am not anything to him, nor will I ever be. He can find someone else."
"What help are you to Thor, if you keep acting petulantly," Odin cut in. "You traded places with him, sending him to Midgard for help and yet while here, you make no progress. You help not with your actions, but rather tear things asunder with how you create these false slights against yourself. Go on ahead, becoming bitter towards my son. When everything falls apart, what can you say you did to keep it from becoming so?"
Jane fell silent, feeling her cheeks become red. "It is not up to me to-" she began, but was cut off again.
"No, of course, you can't be held accountable for your actions. What is it to you if things get out of hand?"
"Odin," Frigga warned.
"Let me finish," he said. "Mortals are all the same. They know not the damage their actions have on future consequences because they are not around to witness them. I assure you, Child, you will be around for these and you will be repaid in full by your actions. Let your enmity be between you and Loki, but what of Thor? Surely enough you care for him to try."
Jane stared, struck silent. He was right. Why did he have to be right? Acting this way wasn't helping Thor at all, who was probably in the middle of trying to rescue her while she was arguing with his brother, causing more trouble than necessary. She sighed. "I will try," she said evenly. "But, nothing will come of this."
The clocks watched the mortal as she sauntered from their presence. Once she was gone, Odin said, "We should've told her about the requirements regarding the curse. Why tell her lies? The child is in danger."
Frigga stared warily into the hallway. "No. She has nothing to fear. It is Loki I fear for. Once he lifts the veil of manipulation, then all will be well. Until then, I worry for our wayward son. His greatest lie is to himself."
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Jane almost immediately ran into the teapot and candleholder as she exited the room and rounded the corner. The two looked relieved to see her.
"Lady Jane," Fandral started. "We hadn't known where you went off to."
"I was only exploring the palace. You knew that."
"Yes, of course." He nodded. "We haven't seen Loki all day and we were wondering if you knew anything about his absence."
Jane frowned. "Why would I know?"
Fandral answered, "You are closer to him than the other palace residents." Sif gave him a withering look.
Jane was about to dismiss the statement, until she remembered what Frigga and Odin had told her. He was trying. What help was she? "Alright, I'll talk to him."
"Now Lady Jane, there is no need to deny-what?" Fandral looked at her, startled.
"I'll talk to him," she repeated. "Where is his room?"
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As soon as Jane left, Sif turned to Fandral and said, "This isn't going to work."
Fandral smirked. "Of course, it will. It's brilliant. She'll talk with Loki, coax him out of his room and by midnight, they'll be madly in love."
"I think you skipped several key parts."
"Nonsense. This is perfect. Nothing can go wrong."
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Why did everything have to go wrong? Jane wondered as she walked through the hallways. Her life used to be normal. It used to make sense. And then Thor fell out of the sky and everything imploded from then on. Now here she was, wandering the palace of an alien whatever, going to find the maniac who failed to take over her world, and talk to him to find out what was making him a recluse. None of that sounded right even in her head.
She stopped in front of the door Fandral had described. Giant, green like hers, but darker and with golden handles. She was not concerned about him. She wasn't. She just didn't want the whack-a-doo to end up starved in his room. Even whack-a-doos didn't deserve to starve. She took a deep breath and knocked.
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Loki growled in irritation at the noise. Someone was knocking at his door. Again. Fandral had been trying to get him out of his room since breakfast, but he didn't want anything to do with anyone. He ignored it, pulling the blanket tighter around himself. If he waited, Fandral would give up and leave.
"Loki?" called a voice that was decidedly not Fandral's, making Loki bolt upright in bed.
What did she want? Most likely to tell him how much of a monster he was. Another knock came. He sighed. He might as well get this over with. That stubborn woman wouldn't give up like the candlestick. Throwing his legs over his bed and tossing the blanket away, Loki made his way to the door, but stopped, remembering he had stripped off all his clothing before lying down and quickly pulled on something simple before answering the door.
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Where was he? Jane was about to knock a third time, when the door swung open. She stared for a moment in surprise. All Loki wore was a plain, long sleeved green shirt and black pants. His hair was unkempt, shooting out in different directions. She wondered if he hadn't left his bed all day.
"What?" he asked, voice husky. He cleared his throat and tried again. "What is it?"
Jane searched his face, surprised how ragged he looked. His eyes weren't looking at her, though they trained on her face. He seemed to be elsewhere. And his face, though blue, seemed pale. A paler blue. He looked sick. Didn't she just see him this morning?
"I'm making sure you're not dead," she joked, though seeing him now made her question if he was ill or not. "Fandral and Sif said you haven't been out of your room all day."
His brow furrowed, staring at her in open confusion. Then he said darkly, "It'd take a lot to kill me." In a lower tone, he murmured, "I know. Others have tried."
Not many take kindly to him. No kidding. Jane frowned, darting a glance to the side before changing the subject. "Will you be joining me for dinner?"
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Loki didn't hear her right. The words sounded like she was asking him to come to dinner with her, but that couldn't be right. Why would she ask a monster like him? "What?" he asked.
Jane grimaced, wringing her hands. "Uh, are you going to dinner? You know, so you don't starve?"
Of what concern was he to her? He smirked bitterly. "You have nothing to worry about. It'd take more than skipping a single meal to starve me. My body can last longer than your mortal one."
Her brow furrowed and she clasped her hands across her stomach. "Yeah, well, it still can't be good for you. I would…" She paused, looking down before locking eyes with him. "I would feel better if I knew you ate something." She took a slight breath. "So, are you going to come to dinner?" Then softly, she added, "With me?"
He narrowed his eyes at her. Why the sudden change? Did she truly care what became of him? How could she? Perhaps she felt she needed to repay him for the stars he'd shown her and this was her way of payment. Mild concern. What could sitting with her for a meal hurt? It wasn't as if anything would come of this. "I'll be there," he said.
A small smile lifted her lips for a second and she nodded. "Good." Then awkwardly, she said, "I guess I'll be going now." She smiled a quick, awkward grin before starting down the hall towards her chambers. As he was about to close the door, she turned around and called, "See you then." After, she rounded a corner and she was out of sight.
Loki stared at the corner. "See you then," he muttered before retreating back into his room.