"Last one…" Brian called out, dumping a box of books on the wooden floor before letting out a loud sigh and stumbling across the room falling over the back of the sofa, his body landing right next to his girlfriend.

"We actually did it…" Olivia looked around their new apartment, bigger than both of their last places, large living area and kitchen, spare bedrooms, decent sized bathrooms.

"Yep, we officially live together." Brian grinned as Olivia ran her hand through his hair as she pulled him over to rest his head on her lap. "We're so grown up"

"I love you" She whispered as he leaned up, his lips meeting hers in a passionate kiss

"Love you more" He mumbled against her mouth, his hands gently cupping her face as she moved his body up over hers.

"Detective Benson, we haven't even unpacked yet…"

"Hmm, well Officer Cassidy, would you rather strip me or empty some boxes…?" Olivia smirked, her eyes filled with love and lust as her hand slowly ran down to cup the front of his jeans.

He smiled and pressed his lips hard to hers, swallowing her moans as she stripped him of his shirt and threw it to the floor. His mind drifted for a second as he thought of how far they had come since her attack and even before. No one, even himself had thought they would last that long, Olivia Benson was so far out of his league and everybody knew it. He had convinced himself that she would up and leave when she got bored and he was completely fine with that, spending even an hour in her company was better than nothing at all. They had defied the odds, still together, moving forward now into their own home where they could move on from the past and look forward, finally create some new and happier memories.

"You're distracted…" Olivia mumbled against his neck, her teeth gently biting the strong muscles at his throat

He groaned "No I'm not…"

"Yes, you are…" She reached up and cupped her stubbly jaw in her smooth hands "What's up?"

"I love you" He admitted, leaning forward and pressing his lips to her forehead "That' all"

"Are you sure?" She questioned, giving him her signature 'Benson glare'

"Take off your shirt and I'll show you" He grinned, pushing her back to lie on their new sofa, laughing as she pleaded for him to stop tickling her.

.

At almost three in the morning, Brian stood leaning against the doorframe to one of their two spare rooms. They had dumped the majority of the boxes in the other room and this one was empty, walls painted an off-white shade making the place look open and bright. He stood staring aimlessly into the room, his mind wondering as to what in the hell they would use it for. Just set it up as a spare bedroom perhaps for if any of his family ever came to stay? Maybe a study of some sorts?

"Babe? What are you doing up"

His thoughts were interrupted as he turned to watch his tired girlfriend walk towards him, wrapping one of his, now hers, button up shirts around her previously naked body, her hand rubbing the sleepiness from her eyes as they adjusted to the dim moonlight fluttering in their giant living room windows.

"Nothing, just couldn't sleep" He smiled and wrapped a strong arm around her shoulder, pulling her close and kissing the top of her head.

"It's a decent sized room…" Olivia peered in, taking a quick glance around the empty room

"Sure is…"

"What should we use it for?"

A nursery,

Our kid's bedroom,

I want babies; I want to give you the house full of children you've always wanted. I want to marry you and raise a family with you, spend the rest of my life by your side making sure that I wake up every single morning with the intention of spending as much of that day as I possibly can making you happy. I want to be able to walk up to random strangers in the street while holding your hand and proudly introduce you as 'my wife Olivia'.

I want to make you happy,

I want you to be happy

That is the only thing I want

"Dunno sweetheart, whatever you think" He said quietly, trying not to let his voice break. He couldn't bring himself to say the words he so desperately wanted to speak.

He couldn't bring himself to grab the little black box he had bought and hidden from her almost a year ago and drop down to one knee and ask her to make the happiest man in the universe by agreeing to be his wife. He couldn't bring himself to tell her how much he couldn't wait to make adorable babies with her, hold her hand and coach her through the labour process, how desperately he wanted to bring their perfect little baby who would look just like her, home from the hospital and raise it with her. He could already picture their life, painting this room blue or pink or maybe a neutral colour in case they left they sex of their child a surprise until the birth.

The fear of rejection from anyone had never bothered him before, the fear of being told he wasn't good enough or smart enough or worthy enough had never even entered his mind until it came to Olivia, because he knew that when it came down to her, when it came down to the incomparable, gorgeous, funny, selfless, fearless soul that was Olivia Benson, all of that was true. He was nothing compared to her and everyone knew it. She was without a doubt his better half, she made him a better person, she made his life better just by waking up every morning and he didn't think she even had a clue.

"Come on…" Brian squeezed her body against his, running his hand through her hair "Let's go back to bed."

He turned them both back towards their new bedroom, hoping she wouldn't ask what he was thinking about, the last thing he wanted to do was lie to her but about this, about marriage and children, he knew she wasn't ready, or at least he thought she wasn't.

.

"What's the matter?" Olivia lay on her side after climbing into bed, staring at her boyfriend's shirtless back.

"Nothing" He mumbled, reaching back to take a hold of her hand "It's been a long day"

She moved closer, wrapping her arm over his body, her hand resting on his toned abs "Talk to me, Bri…" She leaned closer and kissed his shoulder before resting her chin on his arm, smiling as he linked their fingers together, tracing them up and down his skin.

"You can tell me anything, you know that…"

"I know, but there's nothing to tell, Liv" He insisted, turning slightly to kiss her.

"You were thinking about something when you were standing in the doorway to that spare room"

"Just stuff babe, nothing in particular…"

"You were thinking about us having kids…" Olivia prodded

Brian felt his heart drop, she could read him like a book, he should have known. "I'm sorry, Liv…" He turned over to face her, admiring her as she lay slightly above him, her head resting on her hand.

"It's fine…I was thinking about it too" She admitted with a shrug.

"You were?"

"I was" She nodded,

Brian could see her eyes sparkle with tears; he brought her hand that was resting on his chest up to his mouth and kissed her palm. They lay in silence for a few minutes, Brian staring at the ceiling while Olivia stared at him.

"I was thinking about how I wish we had more time…" She started "More time to be together, more time to figure out what we want, when we want it…we're getting older Bri, the chances of me getting pregnant now are pretty slim" She admitted sadly, he could hear the regret in her voice

"And that kills me; it physically hurts my heart because I want nothing more than to give you a child because I know you would be an amazing father. I want what we talked about in Connecticut. I want our son who is exactly like you, all charm and charisma, funny and handsome and our little girl who'll look like me and be sassy as all hell" She laughed "I want that for us, I want it for you and it kills me to know we might never get it"

"I want you to be happy Olivia. I don't want you to think you have to give me a child. I know we both want children, maybe it'll happen, maybe it won't, who knows? But I don't want you to feel like you have to do this for me. I want you. I want you to be happy; I want to spend the rest of my living days making you as happy as I possibly can. If children are in our future, that's amazing. If they aren't, then that's fine too." Brian explained, leaning up on his forearm, mimicking her position opposite him.

"When you are ready, we can start trying if you want? No pressure, if it happens; it happens. If it doesn't and we decide that this is something we definitely want, we can look at our options, adoption, surrogacy, all of it…we have time babe, don't try and force yourself to be ready because of something I want"

"I want it too" She said quietly "More than anything, Bri…"

"I know you do, believe me, I do. I just don't want you feeling pressured into trying when you're not ready"

"I love you so much" Olivia leaned in and kissed him, ignoring the tears that slowly dripped from her eyes.

"I love you too" He brushed her tears away and pulled her close

"This is the start of the rest of our lives…" She started "Got our own place together, talking about starting a family, my god we really have grown up"

.

"Eddie, you have to let him go…" Fin tried pleading with the six foot four, steroid using wife-beater who been shouting abuse at everyone all morning and less than five minutes ago had managed to grab a hold of Nick as he walked past the cage, gripping him tight in a chokehold before sneaking his other hand around to grab his gun from his belt.

"No! You get me out of here! I didn't even do anything!"

"Eddie…"

"Shut up bitch!" He yelled at Olivia as she tried to reason with him, Brian, who had come to take his girlfriend out to lunch and got caught up in the crossfire pulled her back, his hand resting at her hip as he moved in front of her, guarding her body with his own.

"Just let the guy go you idiot, you ain't gettin' out of here!" Another perp in the cage, an older drunk man hollered at Eddie, who lost it and turn the gun on him

"Shut it you useless old man!" He fired one shot into the old man's leg causing every cop in the squad room to unleash their weapons.

In Eddie's moment of weakness, Nick tried to wrestle free and grabbed the arm that held the gun and bent it backwards against the bar of the cage, unprepared for Eddie's strength and ability to still fire the trigger.

Three more shots rang throughout the room, echoing as one bullet smashed the glass door and a body hit the floor with a deafening thud.

…

"BRIAN!" Olivia screamed as Brian's limp body hit the concrete floor, blood already pooling around his frame.

She crouched beside him, her hands ripping at his shirt searching for the bullet wounds finding one in his chest and the other in his stomach.

"Liv…"

"It's okay baby, it's okay, don't talk…" Olivia applied pressure to the wounds, trying to stop the constant stream of tears from falling down her face. She called his name as his eyes started to close

"You have to stay awake babe, it's gonna be okay, the ambulance is on its way…everything's gonna be okay, just stay with me." She brought her hand up to his face, gently slapping his cheek to try and keep him awake and focused on her

"Liv…" His voice spluttered, his eyes wide with nerves as he realised what had happened, he felt the searing pain tear through his body with every breathe that got more and more difficult to take.

"Shh, you're gonna be okay. I promise" Olivia cried.

The rest of the squad surrounded the couple, some helping apply pressure, others clearing the way for the paramedics to get through.

"Liv…listen…to"

"Babe…"

"The box, under…the bed…" He interrupted her, struggling to speak "photos…"

"The one with your old photos?" She asked

He just nodded, feeling his eyes slowly close, aware of the voices around him to stay awake but he couldn't fight it anymore. He opened his eyes as he heard Olivia cry for him, he reach for her, only able to grab the front of her shirt at her stomach.

"You can't die on me, babe! You promised to keep me happy remember?" She smiled through the tears

His body fell weak as his hand that once gripped her shirt fell to her thigh "I love you" He smiled

"Don't. Don't you dare give me this I love you crap as if you're going to die. You are not leaving me Cassidy you hear me?" Olivia ordered as the EMT's rushed into the room and pulled her away from him.

"Brian!" She sobbed as Fin wrapped his arms around her, keeping her back and letting the medics do their jobs

"I can't live without him, Fin…"

.

thoughts? please review! It took me forever to get this chapter finished and would really mean a lot to know what you all think!
and all you all still keen for this? I know it's been a while since I've updated.

oh and to all of you who didn't know, I unfortunately had to cancel my trip so I am not travelling atm and will be obviously updating fics as usual.
(posted 4 new one-shots if you didn't already know, go check them out :) yes, I'm pimping out my own fics, whatever :D)

twitter: ahoycinderella