Artie Abrams

"Being a part of something special makes you special, right?" Rachel

I know, Kurt, that I was the most understated of the three guys, us who found you, who, I like to think, may have rescued you. I wasn't much help in the hallways, where Finn and Puck could dominate because of their size, because people, oddly, respected them. But that didn't mean I wasn't worried about you that whole time.

I tried to do things, little things, to make the world easier for you. But you mustn't misconstrue this as charity, or pity. I just wanted to help you. We just wanted to help you. And maybe we should have been more about the listening. Maybe we should have sent you to Mrs. Pilsbury, to someone who might be able to help.

But we did what we could. I made sure the band director wouldn't flip on you when you came in, dazed, wounded, looking for sanctuary three or four times a day. I know Santana, who, as much as we hate her, has a lot of influence among the "it" crowd, got you a pass out of gym a couple days a week. Basically, you were suffering, and we were teens who thought subverting the system would make it all better.

Except it didn't. You were getting worse, and every week found you weighing less, sleeping less, talking less. You'd started on a downward spiral, and it was a slippery slope with no end in sight.

Because…and we only found this out later, after….you thought your life just wasn't worth it. Whatever those monsters had done to you in fifteen minutes had warped your psyche, dented your amazing personality until you were a shell, a mannequin, smiling at the right times and saying the right things but also jumping, screaming, crying, and only us nearest to you saw you break.

Glee tried to be…well, gleeful. Mr. Shue put more show tunes onto the roster, so between the Top 40 stuff Mercedes thrived on, we were also doing Time Heals Everything from Mack & Mabel, Happiness from You're a Good Man Charlie Brown, Seasons of Love from RENT…

Everyone was already in love with musicals. You couldn't not be if you were in Glee, but you, Kurt, especially seemed to have a soft spot for RENT because the lyrics were comforting and the music was beautiful. We sang Seasons of Love a lot, like, almost every rehearsal, and you'd smile and I'd imagine that everything was okay again, because you just can't feel bad while singing that song.

We have a video of that, did you know, Kurt? A video of us, hanging out, not really in formal rehearsal yet, singing Seasons of Love. Piper, who plays the cello, filmed it, and gave it to me, and I'd watch it after you were gone and think, God, we look so normal.

I included a copy of it here. There's Puck, happy, clapping his hands and laughing so that his smile reaches his eyes. There's Quinn, radiant, on her back with her hands over her stomach. There's Rachel, dancing with Mercedes. And there's you, Kurt, and Finn, first sitting then standing next to each other and, God, are you so in love with him.

It's a great video, Kurt. It shows that a few things actually went right in those few hellish months.

But, like I said, we were doing more show tunes in Glee, which is a lot of singing and pretty precise choreography, because a good show tune tells a story. And you were so hurt, still pained from injuries from El Paso, the worst breaks still healing, scars and bruises still healing, and you would waver, sometimes, but press on, because you loved Glee so much.

And then there was that one time where you just fell and wouldn't get back up, not until we'd all gathered around, and then you smiled so sweet and said, "Are we done already?" Scaring us all to death.

Scarier, though, was when I walked in on you in the Glee room, sitting at the piano, playing your own accompaniment. One Song Glory from RENT, and that's the first time it really hit home from me, and I found I couldn't breathe.

I found Finn, on his way to the gym. "Skip." I told him, seriously, thinking that at this rate no one in Glee would graduate but not quite bringing myself to care. I was a nerd as well as a singer, so I had all A's, and I'd tutor them if it came to that. But you needed Finn. Now.

"He was singing One Song Glory." I said to him, and am a little ashamed to admit my voice rose in pitch as I got more and more anxious. For you. And, of course, Finn looked at me blankly, having never sat through the entire movie let alone an actual performance of RENT.

I skipped the plot and went right to the climax, adding in my own two cents for added effect and making sure not to mince words. "My brother, Bryon…" I swallowed hard, forced myself forward, "Undiagnosed bi-polar disorder." We were flying down the hallway, Finn jogging every few steps to keep up with my rapidly spinning wheels.

"One day he came into my room…gave me his favorite jacket and his rosary. Said he loved me." I wasn't crying, but I was close. "He was eighteen, I was…ten. Almost eleven." Swallowed thickly. "He hung himself that night."

And that made Finn sprint, wrench open the door as if he expected to find you in the midst of slitting your wrists. You looked up, smiled at the unexpected (and welcome) intrusion, but not before we heard you words floating down the hall…

…One song, glory, one song before I go, glory. One song to leave behind. You'd started over.

"What's up Finn? Artie?" And you'd gotten up, bounded over, hair, longer now than it had been before El Paso, mussed in a way that made you look two years younger. You seemed happy, energetic, excited to have Finn all to yourself.

And I could see Finn trying to swallow past the anxiety that I'd induced. "What's up with the depressing tune, dude?"

You shrugged, "I've always loved Roger. He's…pretty." You blushed, but didn't take the statement back. Finn glared at me for nearly giving him a heart attack, and shook his head, because, really, Kurt Hummel as a suicide risk seemed pretty far-fetched now, in this well-lit room, with you laughing.

Sometimes I look at that day and point to it, and I'll mention it to Finn and he'll nod sadly, looking stricken, hurt. Because we should have known.

Oh, come on guys, no one noticed that the title is the first part of a fairly famous Billy Joel song?