Me- Hey, what's up world?
Max- Should I say something?
Me- Well, thatz fjucking up 2 u.
Max- Oh no, please no…
Me- If you haven't read "My Immortal" yet, you absolutely have to. A million thanks to Saint and Fang for suggesting it… Amazing.
Max- They're gonna think it's a comedy if you don't say something else.
Me- Okay, it's a completely serious Harry Potter fanfic. Here's a clip...
"We went in2 a blak room. The wallz were blak with portraits of gothic bands lik MCR, GC and Marlin Mason all over them. A big black coffin was in the middle. Red vevlet lined da blak box. There were three chairs made of bones with real skullz in dem. I wuz wearing a blak corset bar wif purple stuff on it, fishnet suckings and a blak leather thong underneath."
Max- My God…
Me- But wait! There's more!
"I was about to tell them butt every1 was there. They were celebrating Lucian and Sirius being fond. Everyone was proud of me butt I jut wonted 2 talk 2 Draco. They were cheesing my name and some reporters were there, trying to interview Dumblydore. A banner was put up. Lotz of f--king prepz were there oviously tring 2 be b goffik wering the HIM sign on their handz- depite them not having akshelly heard of him. Even Mr. Noris looked happy. A blak and red cake had been brought out. Crabbe and Goyke set up some fireworx in the shape of skulls from Wesley's Whizard Wises."
Max- Do an A/N!
Me- Okay…
AN: fuk u ok! u fokng suk. itz nut ma fult if itz speld rong ok koz dat bich ravern cuz it fok u prepz!1 woopz soz raven fangz 4 da help. btw transilvana rox hrad!1 I even gut 2 go 2 da kasel wer drkola was flimed!
Max- How do you spell f#$ wrong three times in one A/N?
Me- I dunno… oh, wait, I've gotta throw in one of my favorites.
"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) to it he added silently.
Me- Simply because "masturbated" is spelled wrong…
Max- Are we going to spend this whole chap talking about the world's worst piece of literature?
Me- Nope, even though calling it "literature" is a stretch… I think it was written by a retarded gorilla on crack. Anyway, here is part two of the Wipey Weekend!
Max- WATCH OUT!!! SNAP AND LOOPIN ARE BEHIND YOU!!!
Me- No, that's Volzemorte and Hahrgid. Get your facts straight.
Max- Oh yeah, the story's so terrible, it's not on FF anymore. You gotta Google it.
Me- Hey, that reminds me, the other day my teacher, who uses Bing, wanted to search something about Jesus. So he binged "Google". Can you say FAIL?
Max- Are we ever gonna get to the story?
Me- Right, sorry. Here we go.
***Outside stadium***
Random guy- TAMPA!!!
Me & Shay- BAY!!!
Random guy- TAMPA!!!
Me & Shay- BAY!!!
Random guy- TAMPA!!!
Max- WE GET IT!!!
Me- Party pooper.
Max- Meh. We drove an hour for this, this had better be awesome.
Shay- It's football! What's not awesome about that?
Max- *gives Shay a weird look*
Me- Come on! We're going to watch manly men do manly things!
Max- Don't even start with Fang quotes. Who are the Bucs playing, anyway?
Shay- Dallas.
Max- Dallas? As in the DALLAS COWBOYS?!?
Shay- There's only one Dallas team…
Max- No way, I'm out of here. Not after last time.
Me- Aw, come on. There's only one of you, nobody's looking for you, and we've got great seats. Plus the cheerleaders don't go on the road.
Max- Okay, only because there aren't any cheerleaders.
Shay- (whispered) You gonna tell her about the Bucs cheerleaders?
Me- (whispered) What, that they're way hotter than Dallas's? Nah.
Random Dallas Fan- LET'S GO COWBOYS!!!
Random Tampa Bay Fan- DALLAS SUCKS!!! TAMPA!!!
Everyone Else- BAY!!!
Random Miami Fan- LET'S GO DOLPHINS!!! YEAH!!!
Max- What the…?
Me- Don't ask.
Shay- Yeah, he's had season tickets for, like, the last ten years. You'd think he'd have realized this isn't Miami by now…
Max- Let's just get inside and get this over with.
***Inside the stadium***
Announcer Dude- And now, please direct your attention to the South End Zone and welcome YOUR TAMPA BAY BUCANNEERS!!!!!!
Me & Shay- YEAH!!!!!
Max- Whoop-de-doo. *explosion* WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?!?
Me- Cannons! See? *points at pirate ship* *cannons keep firing*
Max- *facepalms* Are they trying to give people heart attacks?
Shay- Yeah, pretty much.
Max- How hot is it?
Me- Too hot.
Shay- Way too hot.
Me- Florida.
Shay- Which is way too hot.
Me- You've got a point there…
Max- Can we just go inside?
Me- Sure, whatever.
***Inside the stadium club***
Max- Okay, who thought of buying tickets with club access?
Shay- Me.
Max- I freaking love you! Air conditioning… I was going to die out there…
Me- I'm hungry.
Shay- Me too.
Me- Let's get something to eat.
Max- Do I have any say in this?
Me- Uh…. No.
Max- *grumble*
Shay- What do you guys want?
Me- I'll take a soda, and… Holy crap!
Max- What?
Me- *points at menu board* *stutters*
Shay- Oh my God…
Max- What? What? Wha- Dear Lord, they are trying to give people heart attacks.
Me- BBQ…
Shay- Pulled Pork…
Me & Shay- NACHOS?!?!?
Me- We're getting that!
Shay- Heck yeah!
Max- Seriously?
Me- Football + BBQ Pulled Pork Nachos = A Man's Paradise.
Max- And my hell…
***Sitting down at a table (in the club)***
Shay- Hmm, these are okay.
Me- Yeah, there's not enough BBQ sauce; I can barely taste the pork.
Max- *watching game on giant screens* How many downs?
Me- Four.
Max- Okay. How many yards for a first down?
Shay- Ten.
Max- Okay. *pause* How many teams on the field?
Me- You're kidding right?
Max- Yeah, I… *explosion* What the… why are they shooting off the cannons now?
Shay- Bucs scored.
Max- No they didn't! They're on the… oh yeah, TV delay.
Me- Thank you, Janet Jackson…
Shay- Well, I'm going to go puke my guts out!
Max- Seriously?
Shay- Nah, I've just gotta take a piss. Be back in a few. *leaves*
Me- Hey, Max, I've gotta talk to you.
Max- *stuffing nachos into mouth* Hmm, these aren't half bad… Oh, sorry. What about?
Me- See that guy over there?
Max- The one looking at us?
Me- Yeah. Recognize him?
Max- Uh… nope. Why, should I?
Me- Yeah, that's Bergie.
Max- Bergie? Not ringing any bells.
Me- He goes to our school.
Max- Cool. Should we, like, say hi?
Me- Your call. You're the one who looks like a girl.
Max- Is that an insult?
Me- No, it's a fact. Bergie knows you as Max.
Max- As opposed to what? Igbob?
Me- No, as opposed to Maximum.
Max- What do you… oh crap, I get it. He knows me as a guy, and…
Me- Yeah. Dammit, he's walking this way.
Max- Should I take a bathroom break?
Me- Please.
Max- Sayonara, sucker. *darts off*
Bergie- Hey, what's up?
Me- Not much, you?
Bergie- Same. You gonna eat those nachos?
Me- Nah, help yourself.
Bergie- Thanks. Good game so far, huh?
Me- Yeah, so far. Cowboys are gonna win though.
Bergie- True. Hey, who was that you were with just now? She looked a lot like Max, you know, from school?
Me- Yeah, I know who you mean. That was my friend, uh… Angel.
Bergie- Oh, 'cuz she looked a lot like Max. Of course, Max is a guy, and she was clearly a girl.
Me- Yeah.
Bergie- Hey, uh… is she available?
Me- What? Oh, uh… yes and no.
Bergie- What do you mean?
Me- She's single, but she wouldn't be interested.
Bergie- Why not?
Me- Uh… *cough* Dyke. *cough*
Bergie- Ah. On a scale of one to ten…?
Me- 11. She could easily beat you up. She could beat us both up. At once.
Bergie- Hm. Well, in that case, I'll pass.
Me- Hm.
Bergie- Hey, but she's still pretty fine. If she were straight, would you, you know, hmm?
Me- How far?
Bergie- All the way.
Me- Oh, uh… Hey, Shay!
Shay- *walks back* Hey. And this is…?
Me- Shay, meet Bergie.
Shay- Nice to meet ya.
Bergie- Same. Well, I'll just be going now, see you at school.
Me- Alright, see ya. *Bergie walks off* Thank you Shay, you just got me out of a tough one.
Shay- What'd I do?
Me- Plenty.
Max- Is the coast clear?
Me- Yeah.
Max- Great. What'd you tell him?
Me- Only the truth… *evil grin*
Max- LIES!! ALL OF IT!!
Me- Face it, you're not feminine. At all.
Max- *sigh* Just so you know, the game sucked.
Me- Yeah, the Bucs got beaten pretty badly. Ah well.
Max- Now what?
Me- Let's see... Oh yeah, here's a preview of some of our ideas... also known as what's coming up in MM&aDK!
Max- Alright, let's hear 'em!
Me- ...and I left the notebook at school. Damn.
Max- Idiot.
Me- Dyke.
Max- Kidnapper.
Me- Mutant.
Max- Okay, let's stop before we have to start censoring. Do you have anything?
Me- Well, I do have a really really short chapter... but there's a catch!
Max- What?
Me- It's a surprise! On a completely unrelated note, everyone who tried to guess the blink-182 songs from last chapter got four of 'em... but nobody found the fifth!!!
Max- There were five?
Me- Yeah! It's not blatantly obvious, but it isn't, like, really hidden either. If you find it, you win FABULOUS PRIZES!!!
Max- We done?
Me- One last thing... R&R?!?!
Max- And vote in the poll.
Me- That too! Adios!
Max- Sayonara, suckers!
-Matt&Max