Chapter X: Hunters of Descent

"Espeon?"

The aforementioned psychic type groaned, halting herself from her morning walk through the forest. With her eyes set to a glare, she turned around to face whoever had called her name. To her surprise, the tentative voice had come from none other than Stunfisk.

"What do you want, Stunfisk?" Espeon asked, a scowl hardening her features.

Her eyes wandering with hesitation, Stunfisk bit her lip. "I wanted to ask you for a favour."

"Favour?"

Stunfisk's cheeks flushed with embarrassment. "I was wondering if you could teach me how to use the move Attract. I heard you mentioning it to someone before, and so I assumed that you knew the move-"

"Yes," Espeon snapped, her eyes narrowing as she watched the usually obnoxious and proud Pokémon flounder for words. "I get it. If I taught it to you, what would I get in return?"

"My unwavering loyalty," Stunfisk answered, batting her eyelashes. "That, and I'll tell you all my beauty secrets, show you how to be as gorgeous as me, help you decide on the perfect foundation for your skin and even give you my discount voucher for Maybelline products-"

The psychic-type snickered. "That's a pretty pathetic deal, honestly." She took a step closer to the self-acclaimed model, grinning as she said, "But if you're so confident about your beauty secrets and you think you're so gorgeous, why would you need to learn Attract in the first place? Wouldn't you have already infatuated everyone on this island by now with your so-called perfect foundation and Maybelline products?"

Stunfisk lowered her eyes, causing Espeon to roll her eyes.

"Besides," Espeon began. "For someone to learn Attract, they have to at least be slightly attractive."

"I am attractive," Stunfisk growled. "I am the prettiest, most amazing Pokémon on this island. I am not at all ugly."

Espeon shrugged. "Then you wouldn't need to learn Attract." After seeing Stunfisk hiss, Espeon snickered once again. "What's wrong? Have you been so self-obsessed that you never even stopped to wonder why you wanted to learn attract in the first place? Have you not once considered that maybe you're not as stunning as you think you are? That, perhaps, the reason you want to learn this move is because, deep inside, you know that you're ugly?"

She drawled out the final word, stepping back, content, as she watched Stunfisk's words failed her. Stunfisk had always frustrated Espeon more often than not; always too focused on herself rather than the actual challenge. If she hadn't proved that she could pick a lock last challenge, she would have certainly been eliminated by now.

After seeing Stunfisk's mouth gape open for a while, Espeon rolled her eyes. "That's just my opinion," Espeon finally said. "If you believe you're drop dead gorgeous, I won't stop you from believing that."

With that, she turned to walk away towards the cafeteria.

"I know I'm ugly."

The words were barely a whisper, and Espeon froze instantly, turning to face Stunfisk with wide eyes. "Pardon?"

Tears were freely coursing down Stunfisk's face, her mouth twisted into a snarl.

"I said, I know I'm ugly," Stunfisk repeated, every word sounding more and more strangled. "You think I don't know? Of course I bloody know! I'm reminded of it every day. I'm the ugly sister, I'm the horrible daughter. Hell, when it comes to girlfriends, I'm not even the second choice! I'm not the clever one, nor am I the charismatic one. I'm the leftover one. The talentless one. I'm the 'why are you even here?' one."

Espeon blinked, wisely keeping her mouth shut.

"I grew up wanting to be as pretty as an Altaria or Milotic," Stunfisk admitted, her voice shaking with bitterness. "But whatever the fuck that Ludicolo would always go on about, he was right. The Wheel of Fortune screws us all over. I was born a Stunfisk, so I was always destined to be horrible, disgusting and ugly. And no matter how hard I tried to make myself as pretty as all those television stars, the only thing I would gain was a crowd of Pokémon who would follow me just to make fun of me. To fucking abuse me!"

"Then why do you regard yourself so highly?" Espeon asked, watching her with lazy interest.

Stunfisk forced a hard laugh. "Have you ever heard the saying: fake it till you make it? I believed in it. I thought that maybe, just maybe, if I kept telling myself I was pretty, I would shut down those voices in my head that told me otherwise. I thought that if I could convince myself I was pretty, there would be no need to convince anyone else. So I faked it, and faked it. But it doesn't work, Espeon. It doesn't work. No matter what you tell yourself, those voices in your head - they know exactly where you are vulnerable. They know exactly how to make you miserable."

Her face softening slightly, Espeon regarded the ground-type with fascination. "I see."

"I thought that if I won this show, Pokémon would stop regarding me as an ugly pancake who fails every beauty show audition," Stunfisk hissed. "They'd see me as a worthy victor, someone who is tough and strong and capable. Not some try-hard wannabe. And even if I don't win that money, I'll be damned if I leave this island without some sort of trick that can convince everyone otherwise."

"So this is your solution?" Espeon enquired. "Learning Attract?"

"Do you have a better solution?"

Espeon arched her brow. "I can think of a dozen."

"Well, then," Stunfisk sighed, turning around. "Thank you, Espeon, for reminding me exactly what a failure I am. I appreciate the reality check."

She turned around, beginning to trail off, when Espeon suddenly called out to her.

"Wait, Stunfisk," the psychic-type finally huffed, mentally cursing herself for giving in. "I'll teach you Attract on one condition."

Stunfisk smiled weakly. "I knew those Maybelline beauty products were too good to resist."

"Not that," Espeon snickered, though she was struggling to contain a smirk. "Something else."

"Anything," Stunfisk resolved, her voice desperate. "I'll do anything. Name it. What's your condition?"

"Don't tell anyone that I've helped you."

Nodding her head eagerly, Stunfisk released a sigh of relief.

"Deal."

"Good morning, campers!" A boisterous voice called out over the speakers. "Pack your bags before you come to the cafeteria today! We're going to school!"

"School?" Salazzle grumbled, pulling herself out of bed. "What is she on about?"

Haxorus shrugged her shoulders. "This island, apparently, has a school for all the grass-type inhabitants. I don't know why they'd want us to go there, though."

"Where did you hear about that?" Noctowl enquired, scowling at her pillow as she attempted to scrape out the creases from her bed.

"Bellossom was mentioning it before," Haxorus answered with a shrug, regarding Noctowl with interest. Usually, the bird was always smiling and chirping about, her features mild; but when it came to cleaning, Noctowl was a different Pokémon. The bird would dust the room mercilessly until not a speck of dust remained, and she would almost move around hysterically as she did it.

Salazzle was noting that too. "Noctowl?" the reptile began. "Will you just chill with the cleaning? You don't need to make your bed so seamless, you know. You're just going to sleep in it again tonight."

"Yes," Noctowl sighed. "But when you shit, you wipe your buttocks even though you know you're just going to shit again later on, don't you?"

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"Noctowl is really nice!" Haxorus chimed. "She's so lovely and listens to everything you say. Except for when there is dirt involved. Then she goes a little - just a little - hysterical."

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The problem for Meowstic was that he did not know how to pack for Shaymin's so-called 'school'.

He had figured that there would be a challenge involved, and knowing Shaymin, that would involve violence, gore or some sort of torturous deed that would require a weapon.

"Should I be putting kitchen knives in my bag?" Meowstic asked his roommate, Ribombee, who looked equally as confused as him. "Or should I bring the toaster and rig it up as a potential weapon?"

"I'm not really sure," Ribombee replied hesitantly, glancing awkwardly down at his own bag. "Shaymin would probably give us our own weapons if we needed them, right?"

After staring at each other for a long moment, they both immediately ran to toaster.

Bellossom led the way towards the school, claiming that the host was already waiting for them at their destination. Though her shoulders were slumped with exhaustion, she managed to maintain a smile on the journey to the school, with Krokorok talking to her for company.

"You must be exhausted, Bellossom," Krokorok pointed out, eyeing her with concern.

With a humble smile, Bellossom immediately averted her eyes. "Um, yeah, a little."

"There is a saying, you know," the crocodile stated, grinning. "I think it was something like: it takes a Bellossom to clear up a legendary Pokémon's shit. Or something along those lines."

"I… hadn't heard that saying before."

"How odd," Krokorok remarked, winking. "I've heard it very often. Very, very often."

Bellossom giggled at the thought, her face brightening as they finally reached the school.

The cast found themselves standing in a lush garden, with jade-green stretches of meadows upon meadows right down to the crystalline dazzle on the horizon that was the glass castle they had used in the last challenge, its towers blazing in the sunlight. On the other side, there were the emerald depths of a forest, dark green abundance cloaked in shadows, the tops of the trees ruffling in the wind like viridescent feathers.

In the very centre of it all sat the school, a tall grey building with tall spires, made out of stone, with a stained-glass window set in its very centre, darkened with age. Standing in front, her features fierce, was their host.

"Good morning, everyone," Shaymin greeted enthusiastically. "Before we begin today's challenge, I just want you to know that the toilets inside the school don't work."

"The toilets don't work?" Gastly asked with a gasp. "But what do we… How do we-"

Buneary coughed at her friend. "We commune with nature, if you know what I mean."

"Anyways!" Shaymin quickly started. "As you now know, this school belongs to all the grass-type inhabitants who live here, in particular, their children. But recently, it's become infested with demonic Pokémon, so none of my friends have been able to come here."

Her eyes widening, Mimikyu's jaw dropped. "Demonic creatures?"

"Dittos," Bellossom sighed. "Not demonic creatures. Dittos."

"Same thing," Shaymin snapped back in response. "They're foul creatures, and I'm pretty sure Manaphy purposely put these Dittos in here to piss me off, because she knows that I hate them. So, your challenge is to go into this building and capture as many demonic Dittos as you can. Whichever team catches the most of the Demonic Dittos, wins!"

Without another word, she threw open the doors to the school, with her cast bustling to go inside.

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"A hunting challenge," Incineroar remarked, snickering. "I can hunt. And it's a good time to see which members on our team can turn from boys to men."

From outside, there was a loud cough and Salazzle slammed open the door to the treehouse, her expression saying 'I will kick your ass'.

"Er… men and women," Incineroar clarified, looking none too happy about it.

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"I hear a noise!" Banette whispered furiously to Meowstic as they shuffled through the corridor, stopping to glance at a door to the side. The stained, oak doors, complete with black iron fittings, creaked as Meowstic clasped the smooth, worn-over handle.

Inside was a small stone room, containing two narrow beds with carved wooden posts, a diamond-paned window blurred with dust, and a large cupboard that had lost its leg and was tilted onto its side.

His nose scrunching from the awful conditions of the room, Meowstic arched an eyebrow to see Ribombee already inside, flying towards the ceiling. The bee revolved slowly to face the pair.

"I'm really glad you guys are here," Ribombee whispered with a sigh of relief. "Now… d-don't panic."

Banette immediately backed up a step.

"Oh, come on," Meowstic huffed, regarding Ribombee. "Saying 'don't panic' is guaranteed to make someone panic. What's the problem?"

His eyes wide with concern, Ribombee spoke carefully, each word separated from the other as he spoke. "You make a fair point," he stated lightly, his voice light yet rumbling over certain syllables with nervousness. "It's just that I think there's a demonic Ditto in the cupboard."

"By Arceus," Banette cursed, her hand immediately moving to clamp over her mouth.

Meowstic narrowed his eyes suspiciously, moving to sit on the bed. "That's ridiculous. The chapter has barely started; we can't have found one already."

There was a sound from within the cupboard; a dragging, grunting, hissing sound that raised the hairs on the back of Meowstic's neck.

With a ghost-type's fluid and liquid grace, Banette hastily leapt onto the bed that Meowstic was resting on, her eyes alert as she scanned the ground.

"The fact that I've only been sitting on this bed for two minutes and already have a girl hurling herself onto my bed with me is thrilling," Meowstic remarked, but seeing Banette's bewildered stare, he hastily added, "Except for the fact that, of course, she is fleeing from infernal Dittos."

Ribombee himself seemed to be cowering away from the cupboard. "Yes, Meowstic, erm, hi, Meowstic, please do something about the demonic Ditto."

"I'm sure it's not demonic," Meowstic reassured them.

The sound of scuffling within the cupboard reached a crescendo, forcing Meowstic to suddenly take back his words. It did sound like there was something enormous and demonic lurking within that enclosed space.

"I saw the Ditto," Ribombee quickly added. "I'm telling you, it had suspiciously l-large eyes! Fiendishly large eyes."

There was another rustle, and some menacing snuffling. Meowstic sidled over to the other bed, his eyes landing on a potential item he could use rather than a toaster to capture the Ditto.

"Is that a weapon?" Banette asked, peering over his shoulder.

"Uh, no," Meowstic replied sheepishly. "It's a tennis racket." Seeing the baffled stares from both Ribombee and Banette, he shook his head.

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"Honestly, us Pokémon need more extracurricular activities," Meowstic sighed, toying with the racket in his hand.

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"Hey, Zoroark," Lucario called out, running up the corridor to catch up to one of the members on his team.

The fox turned around, head tilted curiously as she examined the fighting-type. "Hey, Lucario. What's up?"

"You're a girl, right?"

"I'd certainly hope so," Zoroark snickered back, smiling playfully. "Otherwise my life has certainly been a lie."

Lucario released a heavy but relieved sigh. "Good. I was hoping if I could get some girl advice from you. I want to talk to a girl who is, you know, beastly; so I figured I'd ask a girl who is equally as beastly for some advice."

The dark-type raised her brows. "Beastly?"

"Shit," Lucario cursed, realising his choice of words. "Before you call me a bastard, you should know that I mean that you're super cool and strong when I say beastly-"

Zoroark tilted her head back as she laughed slightly, shaking her head exasperatedly. "You could just say badass, you know."

"Oh."

"And is this Stunfisk you're talking about?" Zoroark enquired, propping a paw onto her hip. "Because I'm not sure if I would exactly call her badass-"

Lucario cut her off immediately, raising a paw to stop her. "No, you don't understand. She's very cool. Did you see the way she picked that lock in the last challenge? And she laughed at my joke before! Laughed at it!"

"Well," Zoroark finally replied, amused. "Then why don't you make a move on her?"

"Because I don't know how to compliment!" Lucario burst out, glancing down to the ground, humiliated. "Skitty and Haxorus had tried to give me advice, but with all those rules and steps to becoming a gentleman, I don't actually know what to say or do anymore!"

After a sigh, Zoroark raised her eyes to give a sceptical look towards her team member. "Okay, then try complimenting me. I'm sure you can't be that bad at compliments."

"No," Lucario countered. "You don't understand. I'm really bad.

"You may as well practise, then," Zoroark reasoned.

After breathing in broadly, Lucario gave a nervous look before he spoke.

"Zoroark, you are foxier than a fox fur in a fox hole on a fox hunting day."

Seeing the hopeful expression plastered over Lucario's face, Zoroark didn't have the heart to crush him. Instead, she offered a weak smile.

"Erm, wow," she managed to say, her eye twitching. "That was great. It made me feel really… foxful."

Lucario flashed her a grin. "I'm glad you approve. I'll go find Stunfisk right now! You sure it was okay?"

"Yep!" Zoroark replied a bit too hastily. "Absolutely."

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Zoroark winced. "That was the most half-assed attempt at flattery I've ever heard."

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Meowstic suspected that the racket was going to prove to be a rather terrible weapon, but realising that it was all he had, he shrugged as he clasped it in his hands. He edged back towards the cupboard, shoving open the door to reveal the splintered, gnawed-on remains of the cupboard's interior.

And there, amongst all the splinters and wooden scraps, was a Rattata, its red eyes shining as it hissed at Meowstic.

"That's not a Ditto," Banette pointed out, disappointed. "It's a Rattata with creepy eyes."

Ribombee eyed her curiously. "But… don't Dittos transform?"

The Rattata made a movement, beginning to bolt towards the door. Seeing the Pokémon scramble away, Meowstic brought the racket down with a thwack against the stone. Evading it just in time, the Rattata hissed once again and moved in the opposite direction before feinting and running between his legs.

"It's between your legs!" Ribombee cried out, leaping into the air.

"Great," Meowstic replied, a hint of sarcasm to his voice. "Now, if only other things were in between my legs-"

In her mad attempt to dodge the Rattata's dash, Banette had released a sound that was similar to a terrified squawk, stumbling back and hitting the ground with her hands several times as she tried to locate the feral Pokémon.

Meowstic spun to try locate the Rattata, and as he saw a flash of purple fur from the corner of his eye, he spun again. Ribombee - either looking for reassurance or in a misguided effort to be helpful - grabbed at Meowstic's shoulders and tried to turn him, using a handful of his fur for leverage.

"There it is!" The bee called out, and Meowstic whirled on his own accord, walking backwards until he crashed into the wall.

Ribombee, already dizzy from all the movement, lurched as he saw the Rattata's purple little body creeping near his own feet. Then, Ribombee made a hasty decision and mistake; he grabbed the racket from Meowstic, and in a futile effort to hit the Rattata, hit his own foot with the racket.

Simultaneously, Meowstic had been reaching out to help the bee, but they both tripped over a chair that was between them, stumbling over the piece of furniture in a chaotic mess.

Meowstic, Ribombee, the chair and the racket all came tumbling onto the stone floor.

"Looks like… you all fell for each other," Banette jested, cheekily eyeing the two boys who were lying on the ground, battered and bruised.

Suddenly, the Rattata streaked out of the doorway, casting the three of them a red-eyed and triumphant stare.

Neither Meowstic nor Ribombee were in the condition to give the Rattata a chase, since they were in a jumble of chair legs and each other's legs, and had knocked their heads against the floor hard enough to leave their thoughts swirling with pain and bafflement.

After finally, after rubbing their heads and pulling themselves up, they glanced around to find that Rattata wasn't the only Pokémon who had disappeared from the room.

Banette had vanished as well.

The Groudons had decided that they were not only going to explore the inside of the school, but the outside as well. Absol had already ventured out to the woods, albeit terrified, and Incineroar was exploring the large field just behind the school.

"Excuse me, Mister?"

Incineroar exhaled before turning around to find a small Chespin smiling at him, his orange tapered tail waving enthusiastically.

"Yes?" Incineroar asked suspiciously, narrowing his eyes.

He couldn't help but feel slightly uncomfortable by the Chespin; he hadn't seen many before, but he could tell there was most certainly something wrong with this one. Its small green shell seemed perfectly normal, so did the dark brown hue of its skin; but there must have been something-

Its eyes.

It had bright, glowing red eyes.

Incineroar grinned to himself as he eyed the Chespin, very aware that it was most probably one of those demonic Dittos that he had been searching for.

"Can you play with me, Mister? Maybe we can have a sword fight with sticks?"

"Of course," Incineroar replied, grinning as he reached down to pick up two long branches from the ground, offering one to the Chespin. The Ditto hadn't been very smart to choose such a small Pokémon to transform into; it was bound to lose against him.

"Thank you!" Chespin exclaimed, embracing the stick that was handed to him. "This is so very kind of you, Mister! My mama will be so happy to see me practising again. Just, forgive me, I might be a little rusty."

Chespin strolled down the field as he weighed the stick in one of his hands, the sun shining brilliantly on his green shell and brown skin alike. He turned to Incineroar, who was sporting the expression of real and serious intent, complete with narrowed eyes. Chespin grinned at him.

Then, Chespin's face and the trees both went sailing by as Chespin's stick scythed Incineroar's legs out from under him, forcing Incineroar to go tumbling to the ground. The fire-type, dazed, laid there, casting the Chespin a furious look.

"You know," Chespin began thoughtfully. "I may not be so terribly rust after all."

Incineroar scrambled to his feet, clutching at both his stick and his dignity. Grinning cheerfully, Chespin moved into position to fight him, the stick as light and balanced in his hand as if he were a conductor gesturing with his baton. He moved with easy grace, but with blithely playfulness, as if he might start dancing at any moment.

"Best of three," Incineroar suggested.

Chespin's stick was a blur between his hands, and suddenly, Incineroar did not have time to shift position before a jarring blow landed on the arm that was holding his stick. The grass-type then proceeded to hit his shoulder, where he could not defend himself. Incineroar blocked the staff when it came towards his midsection, but that turned out to be a feint. Chespin scythed him off at the knees again and Incineroar wound up flat on his back in the grass. Again.

His face coming into view, Incineroar saw that Chespin was laughing childishly and giddily. "Why stop at three?" Chespon asked playfully. "I can stand here and beat you all day!"

"Not my type of fetish," Incineroar grumbled. He hooked his stick behind Chespin's ankles and tripped him up. He knew it was wrong, but in the moment, he did not care.

Chespin landed on the grass with a surprised 'Oof!' which Incineroar found briefly satisfying before he realised he was being regarded by one red eye amid the greenery.

"You know," Chespin began slowly, "I never lose in games."

"Well… congratulations!" Incineroar snapped, scrambling to his feet as he held his claws out, ready to seize and grab the Chespin.

As soon as his claws made contact with Chespin, the Pokémon began to dissolve and disintegrate into a purple blob. The Ditto, without warning, immediately slipped out of Incineroar's hands before turning into a Shuppet and running straight into the walls, escaping Incineroar's grasp while laughing childishly.

"You bloody-" before Incineroar could continue, he tripped over the stick that the Ditto had left behind, his face planting painfully into the ground.

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"Did it have to have such a creepy and childish laugh?" Incineroar asked, rubbing his swollen head as he shuddered. "Shaymin is right for once; it really is demonic."

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Skitty, Haxorus, Froslass and Shroomish were all standing inside, where a huge corridor stretched before them, with scraps of garbage and rocks beneath their feet. After peering through doors in a search for any sign of Dittos, Froslass finally sighed.

"I think it would be a good idea to split up," she offered.

Haxorus' eyes widened, and she stared horrified at her friend. "Like in… a horror movie?" she asked. "Because, if so, I dibs not looking in the basement because there is always a killer there. And I also love how in scary movies, the person yells out 'Hello?' as if the killer is going to be like 'Yeah, I'm in the kitchen, do you want a sandwich?' It's so annoying. Speaking of sandwiches, I would really love a sandwich right now. Oh, a sandwich; that would be too beautiful a dream. Just a humble sandwich, with tomato, cheese, maybe a little dab of… Oh my Arceus…" she trailed off her long babble as her mouth dribbled with saliva at the thought.

"Right, then…" Froslass muttered. "Thank you for that, Haxorus. Any other confessions from anyone?"

Shroomish attempted to raise a non-existent hand. "I'm wondering what a dab of 'oh my Arceus' tastes like."

The three girls gave him looks of bewildered incomprehension. Skitty's uncertain expression suggested she agreed with Shroomish, but she kept her mouth sealed; and since Haxorus didn't want to be the only one mutinying against Froslass' leadership, they all decided that splitting up would be a better option.

"I'll be partners with Shroomish," Skitty declared instantly, a glint in her dark eyes. "I wish to continue our conversation from breakfast. I have many more puns to tell him!"

Shroomish gave the remaining girls a 'Help me' stare, while calmly saying, "I don't think I want to hear any more puns, Skitty."

Skitty grinned. "I know."

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"Don't get me wrong; I love jokes," Shroomish insisted. "But I am in a nightmare of torrential Skitty jokes. Too… many… to handle…"

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Primarina and Exeggutor stared wide-eyed at the centre of the room they had entered, neither of them quite believing their eyes. Amongst the timber floors and greasy walls lay a small Popplio, lying in the ground and waving its flippers about.

"It's a baby," Primarina finally murmured, her features softening. "It's a baby Popplio."

"Oh no, the baby's blue," commented Ex. "What are we going to do?" He frowned suddenly, as if he had not meant for that to rhyme.

Then, Primarina knelt down and awkwardly took the water-type baby bundle in her arms. Sitting up, her face ashen, she stared at the baby which she held in her arms.

Egg was trying to plaster himself up against the door, expiring with terror, while Tor looked ready to hunt down a knife and stab the Popplio. Ignoring the strain of his two brothers, Ex shrugged.

"Should I give the baby mouth to mouth?" Ex asked.

Primarina froze. "No, don't do that. The Popplio is breathing. The Popplio is breathing, right?"

They all stood and stared at the little bundle as the Popplio waved his flipper in the air again.

"Well," Tor began impatiently. "If the Popplio is moving, it must be breathing."

"What i-if it's a zombie baby?" Egg chimed in.

Ex clucked his tongue. "I'm not even going to think about zombie baby Popplios at this time."

"Should we get the baby a hot water bottle, then?" Tor asked, his face becoming stern with frustration. "If it's blue, maybe it's because it is cold-"

Primarina took a deep breath. "Guys, don't lose your head. This Popplio is not blue because he is cold or because he cannot breathe. It's a Popplio, for Arceus' sake. It's supposed to be blue."

"No," Egg quickly countered. "It's the wrong shade of blue. It's more of a sky blue, when it should be closer to navy blue."

"You seem very knowledgeable," Tor remarked mockingly. "You should hold the baby."

Egg squawked. "No!"

"Everybody, stay where you are," Primarina urgently called out. "I want you all to stay calm, but-"

"It's a zombie, isn't it?" Egg squeaked, before knocking himself unconscious, his head dropping low.

His brother, Tor, glared at him, while Ex only shook his head sympathetically. "Don't be mad, Tor," Ex requested. "But what's the problem, Primarina?"

"This baby Popplio has red eyes."

Krokorok had to hold his breath as he moved through the dark, narrow halls, with decaying wood on either side of him. Splattered across the walls was viscous black slime, oozing from mysterious holes scattered over the walls.

"I don't remember school all that well," Krokorok joked to no one in particular. "But I think I recall it was nicer than this."

A small voice behind him laughed, and he turned, alarmed, to find Bellossom grinning at him. "Agreed. Shaymin and I have been too busy worrying about the show that we forgot about cleaning this place up."

"Couldn't Victreebel just, I dunno, eat all of this slime?"

"She just regurgitates everything back out, anyways," Bellossom countered. "It wouldn't be all that helpful." She raised a bucket and mop that Krokorok hadn't been able to see earlier, and released a sigh. "I thought I'd just clean it up to make things more bearable for the rest of the students here."

Krokorok glanced around uneasily, before moving towards the grass-type hesitantly. "Er… Do you want me to help you tidy this place up?"

"Oh," Bellossom managed to say, her voice muffled as she choked back on the smell of the mop. She seemed genuinely in awe and shock as she stared up at Krokorok. "While I truly do love the offer, don't you have a challenge to attend to…?"

Waving away her concern, Krokorok shrugged. "For all I know, this black slime could be the demonic Ditto in disguise. I think cleaning up would help a lot more."

"Did someone say clean?"

Krokorok and Bellossom urgently turned around to find Noctowl, her wings flapping intensely as she flew over to them.

"I'll help!" she chirped. "I'm fantastic at cleaning!"

"You really don't have to do anything-"

Noctowl narrowed her eyes at Bellossom, silencing her. "Nonsense! It's important to clean the house."

"Yeah, because you don't want it to look suspicious when you hide the evidence," Krokorok quipped, earning a chuckle from Bellossom and a horrified glance from Noctowl.

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"I never realised how funny Krokorok could be," Bellossom admitted, holding her stomach to support herself from all that laughing. "He really knows how to make a Pokémon laugh!"

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"It must be some sort of d-demon!" Egg hissed, forcing his brothers to back away from the Popplio that lay calmly in Primarina's arms.

"Could it be the Ditto?" Ex suggested.

Tor growled at the brothers. "Whatever it is, it is a contamination! A piece of scum along Lord Magikarp's land!"

Then it was Primarina's turn to look startled.

"Magikarp?" she asked. "When in the world did you three become in allegiance with Magikarp?"

"Do not say the Lord's name in vain," all three hissed at once suddenly, their voices like harsh hisses that sliced through the air. As they spoke in unison, the rainbow band on their head began to glow, the soft smile from Ex's face and the worried eyes from Egg's all morphing to match the scowling face of Tor.

Primarina backed away from them. "You guys are being really, really weird-"

The moment she said that, however, the Popplio in her arms began to hiss at the Egg Brothers, its glowing red eyes sharpening as it stared. Suddenly, the blue Pokémon began to liquidise into a purple blob before transforming into an Abra.

Seeing the Ditto transform into the Abra, the Egg Brothers were snapped out of the strange spell that had cast over them, all three of them returning to their regular selves.

"It's transformed into Abra!" Egg exclaimed.

Tor turned to snap at his brother. "Wow, are you Captain Obvious?"

"No…? I'm your brother-"

"I know, idiot! Quick, attack it!"

Ex halted them both from moving forwards, their legs skidding as they fought for dominance over the control of their limbs. "No!" Ex protested. "Never attack an Abra; try catching it instead! Have you never played they games? They always teleport after the first move-"

It was too late, though. The Abra, along with Primarina, had teleported out of the room.

0000

"Son of a bitch," Tor scowled at Ex. "Did you have to waste our time trying to break the fourth wall?"

Ex's featured hardened. "Hey! My mother is not a son of a bitch! Yours is!"

"No, yours is!"

"GUYS!" Egg called out, panting. "We literally have the same mum!"

0000

"Too bad Pumpkaboo isn't here with us," Mimikyu murmured softly to Garchomp, who she was guarding the front door with. "She always knows how to make me feel less scared."

Garchomp grinned. "That, and we could probably hide behind her massive ego."

As Mimikyu gave the dragon-type a sceptical and tentative look, Garchomp waved her hand dismissively, her grin softening.

"Relax, I was kidding," she reassured her. "Don't worry; if the demonic Ditto shows up, I'm here to protect you."

Mimikyu made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a whimper, her hand rocketing to her mouth with her fingers stretching to cover over the gaping hole her mouth had made as her jaw dropped. To Garchomp's horror, Mimikyu's eyes were riveted on a spot just over the dragon-type's shoulder.

"It's g-going to get us!" Mimikyu squealed.

Garchomp had seen enough horror movies to get the picture. If she was a small Gible, that picture would have been enough to make her want to bolt for the door, slip through it into the daylight, and keep running until she was back home, doors locked, safely under the bed, where she'd once hidden from imaginary monsters with her friend, Charmander, beside her, their hands entwined.

Instead, she turned around slowly.

To her surprise, she was met face to face with a Gible, its face glowing with admiration but its eyes glinting like a red flashlight beam.

With incredible speed, the Gible streaked across the room and kicked Mimikyu in the head, resulting in the small ghost-type crumpling to the ground.

"And then there were two," the Gible said with a bright, optimistic smile.

It never occurred to Garchomp that this Gible - who she was certain was a demonic Ditto - would be a child.

"You're my mummy, aren't you?" the Gible asked curiously, raising his eyes hopefully towards the Garchomp.

The older of the two remained speechless, unsure of how to react to being called a mummy.

"Are you going to let me go outside and play, Mummy?" Gible asked yet again, gesturing at the door that Garchomp was currently obstructing.

"You can't go out there."

"No?"

No, because you're a demonic Ditto who needs to be captured, Garchomp felt like scowling, but she restrained herself, keeping her anger on a tight leash and forcing herself to remain calm for once. She had to act intelligent; no more brash decisions for her.

So, instead, Garchomp smiled sweetly at the Gible.

"No, because you're not wearing sunscreen, Gible," Garchomp told him, patting the small Pokémon affectionately over the head. "I don't want you acquiring skin cancer from incidental sun rays."

"Please let me go, Mummy," Gible insisted, angling past Garchomp towards the door. Without thinking, Garchomp moved to block him, her scythe swinging up as she sliced a dangerous arc through the air that whistled past the Gible's ear.

Gible danced backwards, laughing as he lunged for Garchomp, fingers curled like claws. Garchomp felt it then, the adrenaline surge she'd been expecting, the clarity of battle. She stopped thinking in terms of techniques and moves, stopped thinking at all, and simply acted, blocking and ducking his attacks, aiming a kick at his ankles to sweep his legs out from under her, slashing her scythes across the Gible's skin.

Suddenly, though, Gible wrapped a hand around Garchomp's wrist in an iron grip, flipping her over onto her back as if she was the small child, and straddled her.

He'd been playing with her, Garchomp realised. Pretending to fight until he got bored.

For a moment, Garchomp felt ashamed for allowing that adrenaline rush to push the wit out of her mind yet again. That had always been her greatest weakness; allowing her instinct to take over her common sense.

"This is fun!" Gible chirped, jumping on Garchomp's stomach innocently, ignoring the agonising groans that Garchomp was releasing.

Garchomp was about to argue, when a scythe from behind Gible lashed out of the shadows and wrapped itself around Gible's neck. It yanked Gible off of his feet, and he landed hard, beginning to morph into purple sludge as its head cracked against the cement floor.

"Lurantis?" Garchomp called out in confusion as Lurantis charged at the Ditto, scythes gleaming.

She had never realised before what a crime it had been to never watch Lurantis in action; it was so clear how witty, yet merciless, he was in his natural slate. He was leaping through the air, carving death with his scythes, his eyes burning brightly as he moved about with swift and deadly purpose.

The Ditto recoiled from the danger immediately, slinking away before Lurantis had the chance to grab it. Within moments, the Ditto was gone.

"You're welcome," Lurantis finally smirked, extending his hand to Garchomp.

The dragon-type ignored it, rising to her feet without his help. "Why did you do that?"

"I was trying to help you."

"No, you weren't," Garchomp countered coldly.

Lurantis narrowed his eyes suspiciously at Garchomp. "You're upset at me."

"Yes."

"You're upset at me for saving your ass."

It wasn't until Lurantis pointed that out that Garchomp realised that she was angry at him for doing exactly that; she was angry at him for assuming that she needed her ass saved, angry at him for hiding behind the shadows and waiting to save her from the beginning when he knew she was under pressure after Charizard's elimination. Every inch of her body wanted to reach out and strangle him, tell him that she knew everything about him and his manipulative ways.

With everything ounce of self-control she had, she held herself back. No, this was her way of having an upper hand. She could not let it go to futile waste. Calmly, she composed herself and eyed Lurantis was a knowing yet wicked smile.

"It's not your job to save my ass," Garchomp politely told him, though she was simmering with rage. "Nor was it ever your job to help me make up my mind about Pokémon like Vespiquen. I belong to myself, not you."

With deliberate calm, Lurantis examined his scythes. "Garchomp, I think you've mistaken me for someone who actually cares."

Without warning, he slipped out of the building, with Garchomp staring after him. At the sound of the door slamming shut, Mimikyu blinked her eyes open and woozily eased herself upright.

"We got the Ditto?" Mimikyu asked, catching sight of a small bit of purple sludge that remained to the side.

"Yeah," Garchomp replied wearily, her eyes never leaving the window where she could still see the silhouette of Lurantis. "You could sort of say that."

"Oh, yeah, that's right, breeder extraordinaire!" Mimikyu pumped her fist in the air. "You mess with a Kyogre, and we'll show you exactly why they call us the Killer Kyogres!"

Her voice thick with amusement, Garchomp smiled down at the small Pokémon. "They call us Kinky Kyogres now, remember?"

0000

"I need to learn how to control all that anger and adrenaline," Garchomp confessed, pressing her head against her hands. "I need someone to help me. Someone who knows how to fight with wit, not instinct and strength. But who?"

0000

"I spy," Buneary started, "with my little eye, something that beings with the letter G."

"It's grime, isn't it?" Gastly replied as they wandered the school to look out for any demonic Dittos, both of them staring up thoughtfully into the darkness, which involved staring at the ceiling, which was unfortunate because the ceiling was gross. "It's always grime."

"Not so," Buneary insisted. "Once, it was mould."

Gastly winced. "I'm not sure we can really make the distinction between grime and mould, and I hate that we have to care about that."

"It wasn't grime, anyways."

Considering that for a moment, Gastly's eyes widened. "Is it a… Galvantula? Please tell me it's not a Galvantula." Instinctively, he floated closer to Buneary.

"It's not a Galvantula, but now that's all I will be able to think about," Buneary retorted exuberantly. "Are there any Galvantulas on this island? It seems like the kind of place where Shaymin would eradicate the Galvantulas."

"Would she, though?" Gastly asked. "Shaymin has her limitations."

"I don't think there are limitations on Galvantula eradicating."

Gastly nodded. "Okay, so they definitely got rid of them all. Must have. Oh, Arceus, this place definitely has Galvantulas…" There was a faint tremor to his soft voice, and Buneary shook her head.

"Are there Galvantulas back where you live?" Buneary asked, trying to change the subject. "We have Pachirisus, back where I live. It's so weird. They are little thieves, I tell you. They can open doors. I heard that they even know how to use keys."

"I don't like Galvantulas. Galvantulas don't need keys."

Buneary gave Gastly a concerned look, incredulous over the fact that he still stressing about the Galvantulas, and snorted to see that he was actually grinning.

He had actually made a joke about his own fear.

"So," Gastly said, clearing his throat as he proudly watched Buneary's face brighten. "What was it?"

"What was what?"

Gastly rolled his eyes playfully. "What did you spy that begins with G?"

"Gastly."

0000

"I'm starting to call this school: The School of Ultimate Moisture," Buneary decided. "It's a shame that the inhabitants on this island aren't slugs, because this building is set up perfectly for the slug life-style."

0000

"I think we should have a funeral," Haxorus stated, her voice trembling on the last word. "A proper one."

Froslass paused her movements and peered up at the boisterous dragon-type who was usually so verbacious. To her surprise, Haxorus was wiping away something that suspiciously resembled a tear.

"Are you… crying?" Froslass asked, baffled.

"Of course not," Haxorus snapped back, giving her eye another furious wipe.

Arching a brow, Froslass just stared.

"Well, in my defence," Haxorus added, sounding abashed, "death is a terrible thing. "It leaves a heartache that no one can heal. Even if some Pokémon say that death solves all problems, it's such a terrible thing, you know? You can't go out with your friends and eat ice-cream, and oh my Arceus, can you imagine how horrible that would be? No more ice-cream! I would rather die! But death is so sad. Death is just a terrible thing. Which is why we should hold a funeral." She gave Froslass an emotional but determined stare.

"It's a dead rat," Froslass pointed out, though her voice was gentle and polite. "In the last hour, we've passed by at least twenty three of them."

"But it could have died such a sad and painful death!"

Froslass sighed. As the search for Ditto continued, the dust and grime had been beginning to take a toll on Haxorus' sanity, the dragon-type craving some sort of action or movement. Froslass had been understanding, letting the dragon-type babble on and on about ice-cream and roller-skating, but losing her calm over a rat with stiffening limbs? That was taking things too far.

"Since we've been naming all the other rats, we may as well give this one a name, too," Froslass sighed. "What would you like to name this one?"

"Can we name it Shaymin again?"

The pair exchanged a grin. For every rat they had encountered, they named if after their host, just because they felt like Shaymin represented a rat rather perfectly. Froslass smiled at the thought of Shaymin finding out about their rat names, imagining the gallingly cocky host's forehead flush with anger.

"Shaymin sounds like the perfect name."

0000

Using a torn-off piece of tissue, Haxorus dropped the rat into her lap, stroking the dead animal solemnly.

"RIP, Shaymin the Twenty-Fourth."

0000

"Stunfisk!" Lucario called out as the silhouette of the ground-type appeared before him. He darted towards her, a radiant smile on his face. "I've been looking for you! Okay, so you remember that time I called you beastly? I would like to make up for-"

The ground-type shook her head, stopping him from continuing. "Lucario," she purred. "What a coincidence. I was looking for you, too."

"That's good, because-"

Lucario was once again halted as Stunfisk began to pucker her lips at him, batting her eyelashes as love hearts began to materialise around her.

"What the hell…?" Lucario managed to mutter, before love hearts replaced his eyes, and his frown spread into a wide grin.

Allowing the love hearts to vanish from the air, Stunfisk watched Lucario carefully, her eyes wide with surprise and fascination as she saw Lucario ogle her. Had attract really worked?

"Lucario?" she asked. "Am I pretty?"

With conviction, Lucario sighed dreamily. "More than pretty! You're gorgeous. Your golden eyes… Your slender eyebrows… Your glowing skin… You're a Goddess, Stunfisk!"

The way Lucario described her with such awe and astonishment made Stunfisk almost feel sorry for him. Almost.

But the effects of Attract would only last until the end of the day, so she had to make the best of it.

"How about you spend the rest of the day with me, Lucario?" she asked him with a wink. "How does that sound to you?"

Lucario beamed.

"I'd be honoured, my love!"

0000

"Why did I choose Lucario?" Stunfisk snorted, rolling her eyes dramatically. "There was no one else. Gastly is a ghost, so he is gross and practically dead, Lycanroc is gross and hairy, and Golisopod is treacherous and would sleep with your mum. They're all foul."

She glanced thoughtfully out the window, snickering.

"Besides, it's about time I get him back for calling me beastly."

0000

"THERE IT IS!"

"ARGH! WHERE?"

"THERE."

Krokorok threw a bewildered glance at Noctowl. "OH, YEAH, BECAUSE THAT WILL HELP ME. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE THERE IS."

The two of them, over the roaring of the vacuum cleaner, had no option but to yell at each other as a purple slug, most probably a Ditto, slinked around the room. Bellossom, her hands outstretched, was trying to calm both Noctowl and Krokorok down, but neither of them seemed to be calming down at any rate.

"I WILL VACUUM IT!" Noctowl declared, flying around frantically, the vacuum cleaner in her talons waving dangerously close to Krokorok's face.

Krokorok dodged the vacuum cleaner just in time, ducking behind Bellossom. "BE CAREFUL WITH THAT!"

"I'M TRYING TO CATCH A DITTO, HERE!"

"YOU'RE GOING TO MURDER US ALL!"

Bellossom rolled her eyes. "Guys…? If you could just remain calm and take a deep breath in-"

"SHIT! IT'S GETTING AWAY!"

"JUST VACUUM IT, FOR ARCEUS' SAKE!"

Exasperated, Bellossom moved over to Krokorok and clamped her hand over his mouth. "Be quiet! Screaming will not help!"

"But…"

"No buts!"

Meanwhile, Noctowl was still mercilessly flinging the vacuum cleaner around, swinging it as she tried to suck the purple blob. Seeing the sucker heading straight towards them, Krokorok pushed back Bellossom, both of them stepping and tripping over the mop behind them, landing directly in the bucket.

The metal bucket echoed their grunts as they fell into it, and Noctowl finally switched off the wretched vacuum cleaner.

"Damn," she sighed. "The Ditto got away. Sorry guys- guys?"

Her eyes widened as she saw Krokorok and Bellossom squirming in a constricted bucket, their limbs pressed against each other. They were both arguing with each other inside, their conversation muffled so that Noctowl could hardly hear anything. She craned her ears, trying to catch fragments their conversation.

"I said… butts!"

"But Noctowl…. Cleaning… sucking… butt!"

Frowning, Noctowl's eye twitched helplessly.

"Well," she finally said. "I'll leave you two butt-sucking lovers there, for now."

"Ditto!" Skitty shouted, pointing ahead of her where a small purple figure emerged, its features feigning innocence.

"After it," Shroomish called out, charging after it, barely manage to hobble very far on his feet.

Skitty plunged after him before surpassing him, and just as she was far ahead, she roared, "It's a trap!" Her voice was followed by her own shriek of pain, and Shroomish looked desperately around him, looking for some sort of way he could save her.

Just as he moved forwards, though, Noctowl came swooping towards him, the sound of a screeching vacuum cleaner pounding his ears.

"I HAVE GOT YOU NOW!" Noctowl was shouting over the cleaner, but she immediately halted as she saw that, just in front of the nozzle was Shroomish.

However, she had been flying too fast, and immediately, the nozzle managed to suck Shroomish into the vacuum cleaner, with the grass-type travelling through and clogging the tube.

"Shroomish?" Noctowl asked, horrified as the vacuum cleaner immediately switched itself off as Shroomish remained stuck within the tube. "I'm so sorry!"

"Arceus fucking dammit."

0000

Shroomish spat out dust and small particles of rocks out of his mouth. "I'm so unlucky that if I evolved and got myself some legs, they would make the challenges 'Who can fit inside a vacuum cleaner?'"

0000

When Zoroark had first heard what the challenge entailed, she was certain it was going to be a rather easy challenge; find a Ditto, capture it.

It had turned out to be a lot more difficult than she had thought.

For one, finding the Ditto was an impossible task. The school, bless the poor students, was completely cloaked in darkness, with the lights weakly becoming swallowed by the shadows. The dust, slime and awful conditions made the entire place a pigsty, and nothing was organised.

And when she did manage to find a Ditto, or some sort of Pokémon with red eyes, the Ditto would slip out of her grasp immediately, transforming into an Abra just so it could teleport out of her reach.

She was sick of it.

"At this point, I may as well disguise myself as a Ditto and allow someone to catch me," Zoroark huffed, pulling open yet another door. "Preferably someone on my team, so we could win this damned thing-"

She halted as she saw Primarina and Banette lying unconscious on the floor, with a small Ditto darting back and forth between them, transforming into a Shuppet and Popplio as it scampered across to each one.

Finally, the Ditto stopped transforming to stare up at Zorua.

"Do you want to be my mummy?"

Zoroark gulped.

"Lucario!" Stunfisk exclaimed, watching with horror as Lucario stepped on some sort of trap, where a cage clambered as it fell over him. "What are you doing?"

The fighting-type drank her in with his eyes; ever since the Attract had taken a toll on him, he had been acting completely insane. He would follow her with infatuated eyes, constantly battering her with praise as he insisted to carry her around. Just then, he had accidently stumbled over a trap, and dramatically threw Stunfisk into safety while the cage fell over him.

And the weird part was, he was too busy watching her with love-struck eyes to realise he was trapped.

Stunfisk felt her heart sink a little; she wanted him to be a little goofy in love, but she didn't want him to be stupid in love.

"I'm looking at the most gorgeous Pokémon in the world," Lucario replied, sighing longingly as he watched her behind bars.

Stunfisk shook her head, beginning to feel the growing strain on her patience. "No, you're in a cage, doofus. What should you be doing?"

"I should be escaping my terrible captivity," he answered, before taking a step back from the cage door and winking at her. "But, you know… not if you want me to."

"What are you saying, Lucario?"

Lucario spread his hands. "I'm just saying, if you came all the way here to rescue me, my dear Stunfisk, I don't wish to appear ungrateful."

"No?" Stunfisk managed, startled. It seemed that infatuated Lucario was also into role-play of some sort.

"No, I'm the grateful type," Lucario firmly told her. "So, here I am, humbly awaiting rescue. I hope you can find some way to rescue me."

Stunfisk grinned playfully, beginning to ease into the scenario. "I think I could possibly rescue you."

"Oh, please!" Lucario begged. "I languished in prison, praying that someone brave and strong and babelicious would swoop in and save me! And here you came! Save me!"

"Brave and strong and babelicious?" Stunfisk snorted back her laugh. "You don't ask for much."

Lucario nodded eagerly, his conviction growing. "You're what I need! You're my hero, Stunfisk. You represent everything this horrible world lacks: love, selflessness and honesty!"

Suddenly, Stunfisk felt herself deflate. She backed away from the cage, narrowing her eyes at Lucario. Was he really under the spell of attract? Or was he messing with her? She couldn't tell at that point, but that last remark had hit her straight in the chest.

It was as if he were mocking her.

But when she took a glance at him, his eyes were wide with innocence, completely mesmerised by her. What was he seeing behind those rose-coloured lens? Certainly not who she really was.

Espeon had been right. There were a dozen other options she could have taken that would have been better than this.

"I'm sorry, Lucario," she managed to mumble. "I can't save you."

"But please, love!"

She took another glance at him, his persistent affection for her. It warmed her, yet made her feel so terribly cold all at once.

But some warmth was better than none at all.

So she shook away all her doubts and forced a grin.

"Of course, my dear. Goddess Stunfisk is here to rescue you with her babeliciousness!"

0000

Absol blinked several times. "I dunno… I might be delusional… But I swear that I saw Lucario and Stunfisk role-playing."

0000

"That's not appropriate… Pumpkaboo…" Musharna murmured to her friend, Pumpkaboo.

"He likes it."

"Children like all sorts of things… They like sweets… and fire… and trying to stab things with knives…"

The little Munna in front of them was, in fact, holding a dagger very well, stabbing it into a nearby cushion, sending out a burst of feathers.

"Yay!" Munna cutely chirped, pointing at the feathers.

Musharna removed the dagger from the Musharna and replaced it with a pencil she had found nearby on one of the desks.

"Pencil," the baby Munna mumbled, tottering off across the room.

"Where did Munna even find the dagger…?" Musharna asked, casting a half-tired half-suspicious glance towards Pumpkaboo.

The pumpkin hardly looked sheepish as she admitted, "It is possible that I was carrying one around."

"Is it?"

"It is, yes," Pumpkaboo confirmed. "It's possible."

Musharna rolled her eyes. "And it's possible that he somehow got it from you, even though you would know to never give dangerous weapons to children…?"

"We live in a world of possibilities."

They watched the small Munna wander around the room, levitating its pencil with her. They had been looking around for a Ditto when, instead, they found this Munna trailing behind them, insisting that Musharna was his mother.

Musharna had been instantly sceptical, but Pumpkaboo had waved away any concerns. It was only a baby; what was the worst that could happen?

Absol trudged around the forest, sure that Espeon was somewhere around him. Incineroar had insisted that they paired up to explore the woods, seeing how well they had worked together when they had been climbing the mountain.

But Espeon was a genius that had worked out that Absol could not possibly control her. She went off for a wander in the woods to find a Ditto, with Absol behind her, pleading, threatening and offering bribes.

"Espeon? Can we head back?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

Espeon snickered. "Words aren't pretty."

"I swear to Arceus, Espeon, if you don't turn around immediately, I will-"

"You'll what? Release the squishies?"

"This isn't funny, you know!"

"That certainly explains why I'm not laughing."

Absol sighed, completely exasperated. "Come on! I'll pay you! I'll give you a Pecha berry!"

"Why would I need a Pecha berry?"

"Erm… It cures poison?"

There was a silence before Espeon spoke again.

"I think I'll be pretty safe from poison as long as I stay away from you."

0000

Absol frowned. "Ouchies."

0000

"This baby is actually so freaking adorable!" Pumpkaboo squealed, squeezing the Munna's cheeks.

Still suspicious, Musharna watched the Pumpkaboo and Munna occasionally spar and nap and play all at once, her eyes narrowed. "Adorable? Nothing like you, then… Pumpkaboo…" she murmured with a small smile, already chuckling at the way Pumpkaboo's cheeks puffed out with frustration.

Before Pumpkaboo could defend her pride, Munna began to float towards Musharna, before giving the Musharna a hug.

"Hug," Munna chimed, hugging the elder evolution.

Pumpkaboo frowned. "No, baby Munna. Your honourable mother, Pumpkaboo, has just been impugned! Don't hug! Attack! Attack!"

The small Munna nodded enthusiastically, and before either Pumpkaboo or Musharna could stop him, he began to morph into a Ditto, using its sluggish body to drown Mushana in slime.

"Shit," Pumpkaboo cursed, rushing to Musharna's rescue as the Ditto began transforming into a Musharna itself.

But both Musharna and the faux Musharna were releasing loads of smoke into the air, barricading her vision. By the time the gas had cleared, both Musharna and the Ditto were gone.

"Aww, it's a baby!" Haxorus giddily chirped, plucking the Snorunt off the ground and into her arms. "It's so cute! Let's name it… Shaymin the Twenty-Fifth!"

Froslass stared wide-eyed at the Snorunt. "I was a Snorunt before and I swear, they don't have red eyes." She rolled her eyes as Haxorus began bouncing the baby in the air, laughing as the Snorunt laughed with her. "And I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to bounce babies."

"But this baby loves it!" Haxorus claimed. "Babies love bouncing."

"Bouncing will make the baby spit up."

Haxorus frowned. "Bouncing will make the baby spit up with joy!"

Suddenly, the Snorunt snorted.

"I'm not a baby! I'm, like, two years old!" the Snorunt protested, before being bounced in the air again, beginning to spit up and choke on its own spit.

With a knowing smile, Froslass watched as the Snorunt began to dribble out some saliva. "Told you it would start to spit up."

To their horror, though, the spit was a faint purple, bubbling onto the ground as the Snorunt began to disintegrate into a purple blob.

"Ditto!" Froslass called out, watching as it slid out of Haxorus' arms. "Let's get it!"

"Ditto!" Haxorus agreed, before stopping and adding, "As in, me too. I think the same thing. You know, when people say ditto as a sort of way to say-"

Froslass wasn't listening though. Her brows creased with focus, she was chasing after the Ditto, following it into one of the rooms. Haxorus made an effort to chase after her, but the door slammed shut behind both Froslass and the Ditto, and Haxorus heard a lock click shut.

"Well, that sucks," Haxorus sighed. "Just when I thought I had him."

0000

"Babies are so, so cute!" Haxorus squealed, shaking with excitement. "They should be an antidepressant or something. How can anyone be in a bad mood with a baby? Unless you're the mother. And the baby screams and cries a lot. And makes you lose your sleep. And begs to be fed at early hours in the morning."

She shuddered suddenly.

"Actually, babies sound awfully demonic."

0000

"I understand that you are upset, Lycanroc?" Magikarp asked, sounding awfully like a meditator.

Both the fish and the wolf were seated across from each other at what seemed to be the principal's office of the school, facing each other with determined glances.

Lycanroc slumped his shoulders. "I don't know, Lord Magikarp. I'm starting to think you like Exeggutor more than you like me-"

"Shhh, Lycanroc," Magikarp interrupted, hushing the wolf. "For Lord Magikarp alone, oh your soul, wait in silence, for your hope comes from Lord Magikarp."

Closing his eyes, Lycanroc awaited further instructions from the fish.

"Good," Magikarp complemented, watching as the wolf stilled. "Silence is a source of great strength, you know."

"I know," Lycanroc huffed. "I've read the Bible of Magikarp, my Lord. But what is that rainbow band you have given Exeggutor? Why can I not be trusted with it?"

Magikarp eyed the wolf carefully. "Listen to me, Lycanroc. Exeggutor is not on your level. You must follow my instructions, my son. Do not interfere with whatever business I have with Exeggutor. Leave it be. I will deem who is worthy of what."

"Amen, my Lord."

"Also," Magikarp added, watching Lycanroc prop up to leave. "I think you should stop yelling about meat trains; it is getting repetitive. Try something a bit more different. How about… Galvantula Testicles?"

Lycanroc grinned, before his eyes suddenly became wild and hysterical.

"I am the Master of the Galvantula Testicles!"

"You look a bit overdressed," Salazzle remarked to Golisopod, though the arthropod wasn't wearing any clothes. "How about you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?"

Golisopod snarled at her. "Since we're talking about appearances today, wow! That's a lovely shade of ultra-bitch that you're wearing today."

"Hey, well, being a dick won't make yours any bigger-"

Salazzle went silent abruptly, staring down as they found Incineroar's body lying on the ground. He was unconscious. Just as they poked their comrade, they heard a hiss from behind them, and turned to find a Ditto watching them.

Without a thought, Golisopod ran at the Ditto, raising his arms. He turned around to call Salazzle, but when he glanced back, he saw that Salazzle already was darting behind him, eyes narrow with determined focus that always lay behind those sarcastic retorts.

Salazzle shot the Ditto with a Flame Burst, and the Ditto lurched, falling over sideways and twitching. With a brief nod at Golisopod, they raced towards the unconscious Ditto, through the trees, through the wind and the whispering, side by side until they reached it. Immediately, Golisopod held one of his long, sharp black claws to Ditto.

Feeling the sharpness of the nail, Ditto gasped.

"I didn't mean to scare you!" The Ditto cried out, its voice high and childish. "I was just trying to get back home to my mummies, and I saw you," he pointed at Salazzle, "and wanted to know whether you could be my mummy too!"

"Who's scared?" Golisopod whispered menacingly. "You didn't scare me. Are you scared?"

The Ditto puckered his mouth. "I'm not scared of anything!"

Salazzle looked like she was going to speak, but Golisopod cut her off.

"I'm glad you're not scared of anything," Golisopod snickered. "But if you come after Salazzle or any of my team members and ask them to be your mummy and I come to know of it, you will have a reason to be scared."

Before he had to chance to seize the Ditto, it scrambled away, turning into an Abra in the blink of an eye and teleporting away. Golisopod gave a frustrated sigh, and turned to face Salazzle, who was smirking.

"Poddie," she began, sounding unsettled but impressed. "That was terrifying."

"It's Golisopod, for Arceus' sake."

Salazzle sniffed. "No, I'm calling you Poddie for a little while, because you just displayed arcane power and saved me from motherhood and calling you Poddie makes me feel better."

Golisopod laughed shakily, and that made Salazzle smile for a moment.

"So, why did you get so protective when that Ditto came up?" Salazzle asked casually.

"Because he reminded me of Dragonite," Golisopod confessed, glancing up. "And how much work I need to do for him regarding that stupid Magikarp and the ever stone. I don't want to be reminded of how much I'm failing him."

Salazzle crooned teasingly. "Aww, Poddie misses Dragonie, does he? How sweet!"

"Shut up."

"Relax," Salazzle soothed, placing a hand on his arm. "You're probably overreacting. Magikarp is just… a Magikarp. What's the worst he can do? Splash you to another dimension?"

Golisopod gave her a pointed look. "He can win a million dollars from this show."

"Hardee har har," Salazzle teased, her eyes alive with enthusiasm. "The big buff Golisopod is worried about a fish. I can't say I blame you; considering how weak you are, that Magikarp's splash could probably do a great deal of damage to you, Poddie."

"Let's just go inside and get a Ditto," Golisopod grumbled, turning away from her.

0000

Salazzle shrugged her shoulders. "It was nice of him to defend me like that, but that doesn't mean he isn't a jerk to me."

Stretched her limbs, she wiggled her fingers.

"It's like… I want to strangle him, but then bake him a cake afterwards."

0000

The evening was drawing in and it was getting awfully cold for Absol, and Espeon had wandered off to Arceus-knows-where. After realising that there were probably no Dittos in the woods, he began to stagger back to the school, half of his limbs entirely numb.

"There you are," Espeon remarked as she stood right at the doorway, arching a brow as she saw Absol come into view. "I nearly assembled a search party to go looking for you."

"A search party?"

Espeon nodded. "A search party consisting of Lycanroc and Lycanroc only, of course."

"Aw," Absol smiled. "I'm touched that you care! That's very sweet of you, Espeon."

The psychic-type grimaced, forcing Absol to grin.

"Let me guess," Absol began. "In reality, you thought 'Nah, being left for dead in the middle of the woods to be mauled by Ursarings builds character.'"

"I was not concerned you were going to be eaten by Ursarings in the deep dark woods," Espeon remarked, rolling her eyes.

Absol scoffed. "Of course you weren't. That'd be absol-utely insane, seeing as there wouldn't even be Ursarings-"

"You had a stick to defend yourself."

His eyes widening marginally, Absol's face flushed. "My- my Ursaring-killing stick? Do you really think me killing Ursarings with a stick is a plausible scenario? Wait, there are Ursarings in that forest?!"

"See you inside," Espeon finally said, ignoring the dark-type's question as she marched on inside.

0000

"Are there Ursarings in the woods?" Absol repeated to himself. "It's a simple question. Why is Espeon so bad at simple questions?"

0000

Zoroark, Banette, Skitty, Primarina, Musharna and Froslass all stared at each other as they sat in a circle, with a Ditto in the middle of them all.

"This looks like some sort of Satanic ritual," Banette remarked. "Except… it looks like we're summoning a Ditto instead of Satan?"

Froslass arched her brow. "I dunno about that. It's eyes are red, and Shaymin did say they were demonic. So maybe it is Satan."

"Shhh!" Skitty hushed them, glancing fondly at the Ditto. "It's sleeping. Let him rest. It's just a child."

They all exchanged baffled glances.

"But why would he just call us 'mummy' and drag us into a room to watch him sleep?" Zoroark demanded. "It makes no sense!"

"Indeed…" Musharna began, her soft voice penetrating the air. "It seems to be a sort of trickster… And it enjoys it when we chase it around or spar with it… Its motives are unclear, but they seem to be one of a child…"

Primarina gasped. "If it's a child…"

The others turned to face her, Musharna beckoning for her to continue with an encouraging and knowing smile.

"If it's a child," Primarina continued. "It thinks it is playing a game. And, so far, it's been dragging women to this room. I think it wants… a mother."

"Get thee out of my sight!" Pumpkaboo demanded, trying to hobble past Lycanroc. "I have a Musharna to save!"

Lycanroc threw her a dirty look. "The fence cannot be fenced!"

"I'll show you who can fence-"

Incineroar burst into the room, with Golisopod and Salazzle trailing behind him. "Lycanroc! Why are you speaking to the enemy?" he demanded, gesturing at Pumpkaboo.

"The enemy was speaking to me!" the wolf insisted, but he was cut off by another voice.

"Alright, everyone," Meowstic began, barging through the window with Ribombee behind him. "Funny joke, but where are you hiding Banette?"

Pumpkaboo's jaw dropped. "Banette is gone too?"

"Yeah," Ribombee told her. "One moment she was on Meowstic's bed, the next she was screaming and poof!"

"Arceus, you make it sound like Meowstic did something really scandalous to her," Salazzle muttered under her breath.

Golisopod gave her a disgusted look. "You and your disgusting mind."

"You and your disgusting obsession with toenails-"

"Make way for the beautiful Stunfisk with her sixty elephants, llamas galore, bears and lions, a brass band and more, with forty fakirs, her cooks, her bakers, her birds that warble on key; make way for Stunfisk my queen!" Lucario bursts through the door, singing with Stunfisk in his arms, who was blushing but also cringing slightly.

Buneary, who had just walked into the room with Absol behind her, rolled her eyes. "Dude, the Disney challenge was like, a month ago."

"Let him be," Gastly told her. "Some Pokémon just don't want to grow up-"

"Did you just talk back to me?" Buneary retorted, her jaw dropping. "Did Gastly manage to talk to me and not stammer? My, it must be freezing in hell!"

Stunfisk cast them an exasperated look. "Yes, and my sweet Lucario is grown up and mature now. Look how well he is caressing me!" At that moment, Lucario caressed her somewhat robotically, with a goofy grin on his face.

"Er, guys?" A voice chimed in from the door, and in came Noctowl carrying both a bucket and a vacuum cleaner. From the bucket, Bellossom and Krokorok's legs could be seen flailing around, and the vacuum cleaner tube seemed clogged with some massive object.

"What is it, Noctowl?" Gastly and Buneary asked in unison, startling each other.

Noctowl glanced down sheepishly at her possessions. "Um… So I accidently got Bellossom and Krokorok stuck together in a bucket and they're arguing about butts of some sort, and Shroomish is stuck in my vacuum cleaner talking about legs to himself."

"Ooomph!" Bellossom, Krokorok and Shroomish all seemed to cry out, their voices muffled by the constricted space.

"Did you catch a Ditto with it as well?" Haxorus suddenly asked, climbing through a window into the large dining room. "Because that'd be great, you know. Because the more Dittos we have, the more likely we will win this challenge and beat the Killer Kyogres. Or is it Kinky Kyogres? I feel like the author herself still hasn't really made up her mind about that, but I can't know that for sure-"

Ribombee covered his ears with his hands. "Too… m-much… noise and chaos!"

"You don't say," Garchomp muttered, strolling into the room. "Why is there so much chaos here? What the hell is going on?"

"Did someone say hell?" Mimikyu chirped, her voice barely heard over the chaos around the room. "Who? What? Where? When?"

Garchomp patted the Mimikyu. "We're already in hell, Mimikyu. Right now."

"Eeeeeek!"

"Wait, no, I'm kidding-" But before Garchomp could finish, the ghost-type had collapsed into her arms. Shaking her head, Garchomp plucked her from the ground. "Am I really that bad at jokes?"

Espeon's eye twitched as she entered the room, watching the hysteria and chaos as everyone argued with each other. "What the fuck?"

"Language!" Absol called out to her. "Don't grow up to become like-"

"Absol, for the last goddamn time, I am not your son!"

Meowstic furrowed his brows. "What is with everyone and the Disney Challenge today?"

"And, wait, where is Froslass?" Gastly asked, his eyes scanning the room. Buneary frowned as she heard him speak.

The bunny turned to face him, eyes narrowed. "She's probably looking for Ditto. Why are you so worried?"

"No, she's not!" Haxorus cried out. "She was kidnapped by a Ditto!"

A few gasps echoed around the room.

"So was Banette!"

"And Zoroark!"

"And Musharna!"

"And Skitty!"

At that moment, Exeggutor burst into the room.

"And Primarina!" Ex offered.

Tor snickered. "Bitch deserved it."

"I thought we a-agreed never to use that word again!" Egg protested.

"When?"

"After you called our mum a bitch!"

Lurantis strolled into the room, watching the chaos ensue with an observant eye. Everyone seemed to be going off on their own hysterical theories and tangents, not once bothering to remember what the challenge had really entailed.

As he leaned against the wall, he felt someone approach his side, and grinned to find Magikarp watching him.

"Lurantis," Magikarp began. "It seems you have much to say."

"I do," Lurantis responded, eyeing the fish with interest. "But they all seem rather engaged in their own affairs and it would be incredibly impolite of me to intrude."

Magikarp turned away. "Let me handle this."

The fish bounced onto a nearby table, flopping helplessly until he reached the very centre. After a moment of watching the room, he cleared his throat.

"The Lord got up and gave orders to the wind, and he said to the lake, "Silence! Be still!" The wind settled down and there was a great calm."

All the the twenty-two contestants in the room turned to stare at him, baffled by the sudden bible verse. After a moment, Lurantis stepped onto the table.

"Good evening, fellow campers," Lurantis politely greeted, his lip twisted into a grin. "Thank you for silencing yourself. You see, it is much easier to communicate to each other when we're actually listening."

"What's up, Lurantis?" Haxorus asked. "Oh, wait! I know! The ceiling! Get it?"

Though Haxorus laughed at the joke, the gentle laughter quickly died down as Lurantis stared at her.

"I would just like everyone to speak to each other in a civilised manner as we work out the mystery regarding the disappearing Pokémon and the Ditto that still hasn't been caught."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Meowstic huffed. "You're saying that no one has caught a Ditto yet?"

"Yes," Lurantis responded patiently. "And you would have realised that sooner if all of you didn't have your heads stuck up your ass."

Noctowl sighed. "I just… don't get any of this. Why is everyone disappearing? And why can't anyone catch any Dittos?"

"It's simple," Lurantis pointed out. "First of all, who has encountered a Ditto at all?" Several Pokémon around the room raised their hands. "Okay, so tell me, what did the Ditto act like, and what time did you approximately encounter the Ditto?"

Though the rest of the cast was all completely baffled by this, they all answered the questions.

"Childish, and as soon as we entered the house."

"Yeah, childish and playful - maybe about an hour after we came in."

"Midday. It was so weird; he was being such a kid."

"I think we saw it at about… in the afternoon? And yeah, he wanted me to be his mummy."

The room went back to hushed silence, all of them staring at Lurantis as if he were the conductor and they were the musicians awaiting for his gestures.

"So," Lurantis said. "We've established that none of us have seen a Ditto at the same time. In fact, the number of Dittos around the room seems scarce. That, and the Dittos we did manage to find had the exact same personalities: childish, attention-seeking and playful. Correct?"

"Correct," they all replied,the room rumbling as they spoke in unison.

Lurantis grinned. "The only plausible reasoning for this is that there is only one Ditto in this school."

"One?" Buneary snickered. "That's impossible. How could there only be one? When Shaymin was telling us the challenge, she used the plural; she said demonic Dittos. If there was one, she would have just said that there was one Ditto and whoever caught the Ditto wins."

"Yes," Lurantis agreed. "But, remember, Shaymin said that Manaphy had placed the Dittos into this school without her consent. Obviously, Shaymin had no idea how many Dittos were actually lurking in this school, nor did she bother to find out."

Absol tilted his head to the side. "Okay, so we get it, there's one Ditto. But what about everyone disappearing? Why is this Ditto stealing our teammates and where is he taking them?"

"Let's start with who this Ditto is," Lurantis told him. "From what we've gathered, this Ditto is childlike and playful. Also, Manaphy had placed this Ditto in a school; perhaps she is telling us a message that this Ditto is a child. And if we look at all the Pokémon he has so-called 'kidnapped', they're all females. And when he kidnapped them, he transformed into the baby evolution of them before doing so, did he not?"

There were murmurs of agreement scattered around the room.

"That leads me to believe," Lurantis started dramatically, his head panning the room. "That this Ditto is looking for a mother."

There was a silence in the room for a moment.

"So… What do we do about it?" Garchomp asked. "Find some new female Pokémon to offer herself up to be his mum as a sort of bait?"

Everyone turned to stare at Garchomp. Lurantis, in particular, was staring her down, his eyes sparkling.

"That," he said, "is exactly what I had in mind."

00000

Lurantis nodded his slowly. "I think I'm beginning to admire Garchomp. She's getting smarter."

0000

"Fuck me," Garchomp groaned, burying her face in her arms as she took a final glance at the milk bottle and apron that everyone was forcing her to carry. "I think I'm getting dumber."

0000

The twenty-two of them had decided to all work together, dismissing the whole Groudon and Kyogre division to form one big team of Ditto Hunters. After some debate, they had decided that they would all trap Ditto in one room, and whoever managed to knock the Pokémon unconscious would win for their team.

"That was really clever of you, Lurantis," Mimikyu praised shyly. "How did you work that out?"

Lurantis smiled down at her, almost sympathetically. "It was all about working out who the Ditto was and what it wanted. There is always a reason for everything."

Nodding and somewhat in a daze, Mimikyu trailed away, with Lurantis watching her with a snarl pulling on his lips.

"A reason for everything, hey?"

Lurantis turned on his heel to face Garchomp, who was smiling at him. "Garchomp," he said, eyes narrowing suspiciously as he faced her.

"What's your reason, Lurantis?"

"My reason for what?"

Garchomp made an exasperated face. "Your reason for being who you are."

Snorting, Lurantis waved his scythe lightly, though his features hardened. "Why should I tell you?"

"We're friends, aren't we?" Garchomp insisted, taking a step forwards. With a smirk, she added, "Or, at least reluctant acquaintances. I think I deserve to know more about you. You already know so much about me, since we've been spending a few of the challenges together. But how do I know that I can trust you as a friend, and perhaps, an alliance partner?"

"This is a new side to you, Garchomp," Lurantis mused, arching his brow. "What do you want to know?"

Shrugging, Garchomp looked innocent as she spoke. "Oh, just normal things," she explained. "What were you like as a kid? When you were as small as that Ditto, what did you want in life?"

"Sunshine, happiness and rainbows," Lurantis snickered. "Just like every other kid."

"And did you ever get it?"

Lurantis kept his face blank. "I grew up in the mafia."

"So?"

"If you were to smile at anybody, or even saved someone or gave pity to someone who simple didn't deserve it, you were beaten," Lurantis told her, his lazy drawl replaced with a bitter, harsh scowl. "You were conditioned to act a certain way, and there was no way around it."

The dragon-type tossed the grass-type a sceptical look. "What are you trying to tell me, Lurantis?"

"I'm merely answering your question, Garchomp," Lurantis retorted. "There is a reason for everything; and sometimes, that reason is that you never had a choice."

An awkward silence ensued between them, and Lurantis finally gave a pointed look towards the apron that Garchomp was wearing.

"Now, don't you have a baby to seduce?"

"Here, tootsie wootsie," Garchomp called out, trying to keep her voice as high and chirpy as possible despite her every urge to growl. "My little fudge cake? Where are you?" She waved the rattle in her hand frantically, her eye twitching as several Pokémon in the room snorted at her. They were all hiding inside cupboards or under the table, waiting for Ditto to enter the room. So far, there was not a sign of him.

"You obviously don't sound motherly enough," Pumpkaboo chided, resulting in the rattle being thrown straight at her. "Why, the disrespect here is just so appalling-"

The door suddenly creaked open, and tentatively, a Gible with red eyes slipped through the door crack.

"Mummy?" Gible asked hopefully, glancing up at Garchomp.

Extending her arms, Garchomp nodded her head eagerly. "Yes, come to me, my child-"

"COME HERE, YOUNG TENTACLE!" Lycanroc shrieked, jumping out from behind the curtains and lunging straight towards the Ditto. Scowling, Garchomp pushed him aside, but all the other Pokémon had jumped out of their hiding spots, beginning to scramble towards the Ditto.

The room burst into hysterics, with Pokémon crawling over one another, throwing vases and chairs mercilessly. As Mimikyu stood on the table, reaching out for the Gible, Espeon grabbed the tablecloth with her teeth and pulled it off dramatically, sending Mimikyu flying into the air.

The small ghost-type hurtled straight into Noctowl, and the two of them fell straight to the ground in a heaped mess, beside the bucket and vacuum cleaner.

"Now, Exeggutor," Magikarp commanded, but the Egg Brothers were already completely engaged in a brawl with Golisopod, who was reaching for the band on their head.

"Give me that band!" Golisopod demanded. "I want to know what it does!"

Tor growled. "Never!"

"Maybe," Egg said simultaneously. "If you ask politely, maybe?"

Ex and Tor both glared at their brother. "NO!"

"Poddie!" Salazzle called out condescendingly. "Are you delusional? We're after a Ditto, not Exeggutor!"

"I mean, it could be a Ditto in disguise of Exeggutor," Absol defended, nudging the tube of the vacuum cleaner beside him. "What do you say, Shroomish?"

The bundle inside the tube rattled a bit on the inside as Shroomish groaned. "Oomph!"

Buneary and Gastly stood by the door, guarding it to ensure that the Ditto would not leave; if the Ditto were to transform into a Pokémon that could use teleport, Gastly was to use the move 'Mean Look' to prevent it from teleporting.

At that point, however, the Ditto was being held tightly by Incineroar, but using its sluggish body, slipped out immediately. Buneary's eyes were greedily eyeing the scene in front of them, her limbs twitching.

"Screw guarding the door," she scowled. "I want some action! Let's go and kick some Ditto butt, Gastly!"

Her friend cast her a baffled look. "Wait, but we've been told to guard the door. We can't just abandon our duty."

"Our duty is to catch the Ditto!"

"Our duty is to guard the door so that the Ditto can't escape, as it has been doing for the past seven hours or so!"

They glared at each other, Buneary flinching back slightly when she realised that, for once, Gastly was not being so submissive. After clearing her throat, she once again repeated, "Gastly, come with me and help me grab this Ditto."

"No."

"What?"

"I said no."

Buneary frowned stubbornly, her snarl reflected on Gastly's face as he returned the glare.

"Buneary! Gastly!" Haxorus bellowed. "Be wary! The Ditto is getting to the door!"

The pair ignored the dragon-type.

"I finally get it," Gastly began, somewhat excitedly. "I get it!"

Buneary arched a brow. "Get what?"

"Why my mother had given me a condom!"

"Gastly, there is really only one real purpose for a condom-"

The ghost-type hushed her immediately. "No! She gave it to me as a warning! Because Mummy knows best!"

"You're not making any sense to me," Buneary remarked, beginning to turn away towards the Ditto. Gastly grabbed for her.

"No!" he called out. "Listen to me, for once! The condom… it's you! You felt like protection, to me. Clingy and tight, but still protection nonetheless. Protection… Safety… you know. But it also stopped me from… releasing myself?" He winced as he said it, but even he could not stop himself from blabbering. "Because even though protection is good, protection can mean obstruction!"

Buneary's jaw dropped. "Did you just call me a condom?"

"Yes, well, no-"

"Guys!" Incineroar roared. "The Ditto! It's coming towards you! Make sure the door is locked!"

The purple slug was sliding over towards the door, swiftly evading each attack that was thrown at it, or moving aside to avoid the constant tackles and grabs from the members around the room. Buneary, however, was too focused on the ghost-type in front of her to care.

"That's gross, Gastly," she spat. "That's fucking gross."

"But, Buneary-"

The bunny had already turned around completely, her face bright red with fury as she shoved open the door and stormed out. As soon as the door had burst open, the Ditto burst into childish and hysterical laughter, slipping after Buneary.

"FREEDOM!" Ditto screeched, escaping through the open door.

The twenty contestants around the room all turned to glare at Gastly, who smiled sheepishly.

"Um… Sorry?"

0000

"I can't believe it!" Incineroar exclaimed. "They literally had one job and they failed. One job."

0000

Meowstic winced. "I think I sort of liked Gastly better when he didn't talk so much. What did he say? 'Releasing myself' while talking about condoms? That just didn't come - or should I say cum? - out right."

0000

"Get back here, you infernal beast!" Pumpkaboo cried out, hobbling through the door behind all the other contestants as they tried to hunt down the Ditto. They had all cast Gastly dirty glances as they walked past, and the poor ghost-type had nothing to do but look down at his feet in shame as he trailed behind them, wondering where in the world Buneary could possible have run off to.

The rest of the cast relentlessly turned over every piece of furniture in a hunt for the missing Ditto, scavenging around the plethora of dead rats and black slime until Haxorus beckoned them towards a door.

"This is the door that Froslass chased Ditto into, and the door locked immediately after!" she informed them, her voice hushed down to a furious whisper as she jerked a finger towards the door. "But we'll need someone to pick the lock-"

"I'm on it," Stunfisk quickly said, moving towards the door and working on the lock with intensity.

Lucario beamed at her. "Oh, isn't she beautiful when she unpicks things?" he boasted, sighing dreamily as the lock sounded a satisfying click and ignoring the startled looks his team members threw him.

Stunfisk pushed the door open, expecting to see a Ditto sitting in the middle of the room, feigning innocence. But when she opened the door, she found a scene of absolute chaos.

Every single one of the missing girls were in there, each one of them causing enough noise for ten. Skitty and Banette were there, calling out to each other from across the room with booming voices. Primarina was holding a battle and appeared to be waving it around, giving a speech. Froslass was standing on top of a stool for no reason in the world and Musharna was, even more mysteriously, lying flat on the stone floor. Zoroark was standing amongst them all, looking at Stunfisk as if she were puzzled by her presence there as well.

And in the middle of the room was Ditto, squirming happily as he looked at his six mothers.

"Look what I found everyone," Stunfisk drawled, smirking as she opened the door completely.

"GET HIM!" They all shrieked, beginning to lunge forwards, but Primarina jumped in front of Ditto protectiely.

"NO!" she yelled back. "He's just a baby!"

Everyone exchanged desperate and furious glances. Finally, Golisopod stepped forwards, "I swear to Arceus, Primarina, if you don't-"

"Guys," Garchomp quickly said, pushing Golisopod back gently. "Be a bit… nicer, will you?"

"That's rich, coming from you," Salazzle remarked, but Garchomp ignored her.

Placing a hand gently on Primarina's shoulder, Garchomp sighed. "Look, I know Ditto is a child, but this challenge requires us to have captured him; otherwise Shaymin will leave us in here all day."

"But we can't just capture him and leave Shaymin to secure his fate!" Primarina insisted. "Who knows what she would do with the poor child-"

"I know, I know," Garchomp reassured her. "Which is why we will all ensure that Bellossom is the one who is given Ditto once the challenge is over. Besides, Shaymin is probably too cowardly to go near the Ditto in the first place. She'll end up making Bellossom deal with him, and we all know Bellossom wouldn't hurt a child."

Primarina bit her lip, giving Garchomp a sceptical look. "Promise?"

"I promise." Garchomp raised her hand to her heart.

"Fine," Primarina sighed, turning to look at the Ditto behind her. "Ditto? Do you want to play a game? I… found a toy for you. I found a puzzle at the back of the room. Come play with me."

The Ditto watched Primarina in silence as she moved over to the corner of the room, pulling out a puzzle from the cupboard.

"My puzzle is wonderful," Primarina went on, her voice shaking. "It is very small."

"Very small?" Ditto asked curiously, beginning to nudge his way towards Primarina.

Following Zoroark and Musharna's gestures, the rest of the cast were backed into the doorway to give Primarina and the Ditto some space, who were too focused moving the pieces of the puzzle to their designated spots to pay any attention to the Pokémon ogling them.

Primarina and the Ditto finally fixed up the puzzle, and Primarina offered Ditto a supportive grin.

"Now we will play a new game," Primarina instructed, fixing her gaze carefully on the Ditto.

Ditto turned towards Primarina, his eyes entirely red. "No. We play puzzle."

"You must close your eyes, Ditto. It is a very good game. We are going to hide."

"Hide?"

"Yes. We shall play hide-and-seek. But, first, you must close your eyes."

Ditto smiled. "I like to hide."

"But first you must seek. Close your eyes."

The red-eyed Ditto, smaller than most and barely two years of age in appearance and maturity, closed his eyes.

And as he did, Garchomp brought the apron down on him, wrapping him up in the cloth until he was secured inside the bundle.

Shaymin's voice immediately echoed around the room.

"And the Kinky Kyogres win today's challenge! Bellossom! Eradicate the Ditto!"

0000

Bellossom stared at the bundle in her hand, jerking back slightly as a small purple head popped out from beneath the material.

"Mummy!" The Ditto called out, before transforming into an Oddish.

"Aww," Bellossom cooed. "How could I ever get rid of this sweet thing?"

0000

"Well, Groudons," Shaymin started, standing by herself on the podium. Bellossom, who had been in charge of eradicating the Ditto, was nowhere to be seen, to the hosts dismay. Instead, Shaymin was left balancing a tray of flowers over her head as she attempted to read out the list. "Looks like you're up for elimination again!"

Most of the Groudons immediately turned to glare at both Gastly and Buneary, who were perched on opposite ends of the area, avoiding eye contact.

"Bellossom isn't here, and I don't want to kick the flowers again, so you're just going to have to get your asses up and pick them up if I call your name," Shaymin told them. "Okay? Good."

She cleared her throat.

"Safe from elimination today are… Froslass, Skitty, Shroomish, Stunfisk, Krokorok, Salazzle, Absol, Noctowl, Espeon, Haxorus, Golisopod and Incineroar."

Each contestants went up to take their own flower, except Shroomish, who was still covered with dust from the vacuum cleaner and could not lift up a flower for himself. Instead, Noctowl lifted one up for him, and they moved to the side.

"Gastly and Buneary; you guys totally screwed up in your task today, didn't you? A lovers feud in the midst of a challenge isn't good. Even Stunfisk somehow managed to be helpful!"

"More helpful than you will ever be, Shaymin," Stunfisk called out.

Shaymin ignored her. "As for Lycanroc? You're kind of batshit crazy. There's no sugarcoating that. But, apparently, so is everyone else because you're still in! With only one vote, get yourself a Gracidea flower!"

"I would like to thank the meat train, the testicles of the-"

"Save the speech for when you win, Lycanroc," Shaymin snapped, tapping her foot impatiently as Lycanroc leapt to the side. "Now, let's see, Buneary and Gastly. Two best friends left together. And while one of you voted for Lycanroc, the other one wasn't so forgiving."

Gastly gasped, looking up to Buneary with a look of hurt. "You voted for me?" he asked incredulously.

"Well, you-"

"Oh, shut up," Shaymin interrupted rolling eyes. "Okay, you both were told specifically to guard the door. Buneary was the one who had opened the door in the first place, allowing the Ditto to leave. So I suppose it's natural that Buneary would be eliminated."

Sighing, Buneary stood up, already turning away from everyone else. "I better get packing, then-"

"PSYCH! Gastly is the one who has received the most votes! So, Buneary, you're still in!"

Even Buneary seemed stunned. "Wha…?"

"Sorry," Absol apologised to Gastly. "But Buneary, no offense, is a better player than you and we kind of need her on our team a bit longer; you know, she has hands and legs and a competitive streak. But if you stayed… she wouldn't be nearly as helpful. We just wanted to end the drama before it turned into… you know…"

"Just say it," Stunfisk groaned. "I get it; the whole men are bastards thing. Whatever."

Shaymin offered a sympathetic smile to Gastly, who seemed too startled to move. "If it makes you feel better, dude, you should know that you only had two more votes than Buneary."

"Oh," Gastly said, finally recovering from his shock. "No, it's okay. I'm fine. I'm just gonna miss this place… you know?"

0000

"Wow," Gastly began, sighing. "It's been pretty fun. I mean, I don't scream every time I see Incineroar now, which is nice, and Buneary liked my cooking before she and I, well- oh well. Even though she voted for me, I hope she wins; because she can be a lot more fun when she wants to be. Her, or Froslass, because she's really nice too."

0000

Gastly sighed as his boat pulled up, turning to give one final solemn look at the island. As he turned, his breath caught in his throat as he found Buneary watching him from the other end of the dock. Without another word, she turned on her heel and strode away.

Hurrying after her, Gastly reached out to grab her shoulder, but then thought better of it. Grabbing Buneary from behind was probably an invitation to amputation.

"Buneary," he called sharply. She sped up. So did he, wondering where she was heading towards. "Buneary," he repeated as they walked further, borrowing deeper into the woods, the air thick with damp and mold, the moss on the ground increasingly slick beneath their feet. They hit a fork, the path branching off to the left and right, and she paused before choosing the one on the left.

"We don't go down this one to train, usually," Gastly recalled, hoping that she would say something - anything - to him.

Nothing.

"Mostly because of the fact that Victreebel's mansion is around there," he added.

Buneary kept walking, slower now, picking her way carefully over seeping puddles of slime. Something skittered loudly overhead, but she didn't flinch.

"Also because of the Galvantulas," he added jokingly.

Buneary breathed a heavy sigh.

"Come on, Bun-Bun, hold up."

Instantly, she spun around to face him. "Don't call me that," she hissed.

"What?"

"My friends call me Bun-Bun," she told him. "You lost that right."

"Bun-Bun - no, Buneary, I mean - if you just listen to me-"

She only glared at him. "No. You don't call me Bun-Bun, you don't try to talk to me, you don't call me a condom, you don't follow me into dark woods and try to save me from Galvantulas."

"Trust me, if we see a Galvantula, it's every man for himself."

Hearing him make an attempt at a joke, Buneary scowled, looking as if she wanted to feed him to a Galvantula herself.

"Okay!" Gastly sighed. "I get that you're mad at me, but-"

She shook her head. "You don't get it. I'm not mad at you. I can't bring myself to be mad; that's what is making me angry. I'm not anything to you, Gastly. I don't know what to feel. Because even if you humiliated me in front of everyone else, I just can't hate someone who was beginning to love."

Gastly couldn't quite catch his breath.

"Okay." It was the only thing he could say that wouldn't sound forced out, but Buneary was already walking on down the woods. "You're going the wrong way!" he called after her.

Without turning back, she called out to him.

"They're all wrong."

"Wait, you what?"

Stunfisk laughed at Skitty's gawking face. "I know! I used Attract on him, and he followed me around like some lost puppy-dog all day! It was glorious!"

Her mouth still agape with shock, the sparkle that was usually in Skitty's eyes had dimmed. "You manipulated him using Attract? And now he thinks he's in love with you?"

"Yes! Isn't it hilarious?"

"No," Skitty sharply replied, frowning. "That's kinda… cruel."

Stunfisk rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. The effects only last until he goes to sleep. He'll forget about it tomorrow; it's not for life."

"So you won't do it ever again?"

"No," Stunfisk snorted. "I'd love to do it again! It was so much fun! I've never felt so pampered in my life before."

Skitty abruptly sat up in bed. "No! Don't you dare do it again. I don't mean to sound rude, but that's just awful. Poor guy doesn't even know. He's living a lie, Stunfisk. You're living a lie."

"You're so sensitive, Skitty," Stunfisk sighed with a tsk. "Why must you always be so sensitive?"

"You're so terrible, Stunfisk," Skitty retorted, only half-joking. "Why must you always be so terrible?"

0000

Stunfisk looked down, unable to face the camera. "I just wanted to be liked. I just wanted to be funny!"

With a frown, she finally raised her eyes.

"Looks like the joke is on me."

0000

Banette held her breath as she knelt down in the shrub of bushes, watching with narrowed eyes as Exeggutor stalked over to the clearing in the woods. After a moment of bickering amongst each other, they immediately went silent as soon as Magikarp appeared, bouncing on the ground.

She could hardly hear their conversation, but as she crept closer to hear, the Egg Brothers immediately perked their heads up.

"I hear someone, guys," Ex told them, eyeing the area suspiciously.

"Is i-it the zombies?" Egg asked.

Tor snarled at them. "Don't be cowards. Whoever is watching will face the wrath of Lord Magikarp."

"They will indeed," Magikarp smirked. "And I'm glad you heard; it seem the band on your head really is working with its heightening sense abilities."

Banette's eyes widened as she heard the final few words, but before she could process the thought, she saw the Egg Brothers marching towards the bush she was behind.

Without another word, she immediately fled from the area, using her ghost abilities to sneak through without making a sound.

0000

"Heightened sense? Walking on walls?" Banette asked herself, clutching her head.

She narrowed her eyes.

"They're cheating!"

0000

Clenching her fists into tight balls, Garchomp knocked on the door in front of her, her body tense as she waited for someone to respond. After four long minutes of waiting in the cold wind that seemed to bite her skin, the door was finally opened to reveal Espeon.

"Hey, Espeon," Garchomp greeted somewhat awkwardly. "I was wondering if I could talk to you for a moment."

Espeon arched a brow, her features bored rigid. "Talk, then."

Peering into the room, Garchomp shook her head as she saw both Froslass and Buneary watching her from their beds. "No. I want to talk to you alone."

"People will say we're in love," Espeon mused. "What do you need?"

"I need your help."

Once again, Espeon's face lit up with amusement. "It seems like everyone is coming to me for help these days." Seeing Garchomp give her a sceptical look, Espeon shrugged. "Don't worry. Someone this morning was having boy problems."

"I'm not here for boy problems," Garchomp confessed. "I need help talking down someone. Someone who is, not going to lie, smarter than me."

"Battle them," Espeon snickered. "That seems to be your go-to solution. Well, at least it was with Vespiquen-"

Garchomp immediately shook her head. "Vespiquen was a mistake. I'm not making another mistake again. I need to take this person down."

"And what's in this for me?"

"One less threat to deal with."

Espeon tilted her head to the side.

"You don't have to physically do anything to the person," Garchomp clarified hastily. "I just need your help. You're smart, and maybe you can help me think outside the box more. Please."

Her eyes hard and analytical, Espeon watched the dragon-type for a moment, before grinning lazily.

"Let's play a game of chess."

Tomato Soup: Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed the chapter; it was definitely a bit of a breather compared to the intensity of the last chapter, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. Thank you so much jalengu02 for submitting Gastly (who I think I accidently spelt as Ghastly several times RIP sorry). He was a pleasure to write! EVERYONE PLEASE REMEMBER BABY LIL DITTO! He will become important later! What else is there to say? Garchomp is getting better, hoorah! No more pelting others with rocks. Which is, you know, nice. I hope you enjoyed! And what did everyone think of Stunfisk using attract on poor Lucario? Please tell me in a nice review!

28th Place: Gastly (The Corwardly Ghost) - At least he's not that cowardly anymore, right? He's braver than Courage the Cowardly Dog now! He and Buneary made a nice friendship (it was mostly platonic) and I thought they were cute at times. Alas, there are a few too many shy and timid contestants, so one of them had to go. Gastly was the one. Sorry my dude!

Please review! They give me life!