A/N: Sorry for the long wait but here it is! I hope you enjoy and big thank yous to the reviews! They always make me smile :-D

Chapter 13

"Wow you look different" Amelia said as Alicia stepped into the living area with BDU pants, black ¾ sleeve top and a leather vest on. Her hair was pulled back into a severe ponytail a far cry from how she usually wore it which was loose around her shoulders.

"I have a meeting with the Commander" Alicia said as she couldn't understand why she felt so uncomfortable in her uniform. It felt almost foriegn as she hadn't worn it in months and she no longer felt the reasons for why she wore the uniform proudly. It didn't feel like her anymore which scared her as her whole life had been in the military.

"So this is your work look?" Amelia asked.

"Yes, sometimes I relax and have a low bun but only on Fridays" Alicia said dryly. Amelia chuckled. "What are you doing today?" Alicia asked as she picked up Amelia's empty glass and took it to the sink and refilled it with water and pulling the bottle of pain killers from the top drawer of the kitchen to retrieve Amelia's morning allotment before handing them to the girl to take.

"Maddy is taking me on a tour of the colony" Amelia said as she took the two dinosaur shaped pain killers. She still felt the side effects of the pain killers but not to the same extent while she did get fuzzy in the head she was still coherent to have decent conversation and found her emotions were rocky with them as she was either happy or a complete puddle of tears. Luckily the puddle of tears moments were only early in the morning and late at night when she laid in bed and had too much time to think about everything and the nightmares that haunted her. Most of the time they weren't of Hooper but of her old life.

It was like she drifted and blinked and her nightmare was that she'd wake up in her old house and room, the scariest part was that it felt real to her and she would go through the normal motions of her average day back home and see her family only to blink and open her eyes to being in her room in Boylan's house. Tears would just fall of their own volition as she would remember with such clarity every detail of her home and her mother and brother and what they said to her only to be back in Terra Nova without them. Alone and upset as both realities felt equally real to her. The hardest was wishing the dream were the reality only to know it wasn't and it would never be.

"That should be fun" Alicia said in a light tone as she was trying to push Amelia to be more active in the colony. She knew the girl was miserable, that she was still crying at night but until Amelia was ready to talk about it there wasn't much Alicia could do as she didn't want to push Amelia into talking. So she would just gently prodded her and hoped Amelia would come to her when she was ready or work it out on her own.

"Yeah hopefully and anyway I should get out of the house. Vitamin D and all that junk" Amelia said dismissively with a smile.

"That junk… well I've gotta go. I'll see you at dinner" Alicia said with a chuckle.

"Have fun!" Amelia joked in a light tone, Alicia smiled as she gave a wave and left the house. Amelia jumped up from her chair at the table as she noticed the time and went to her room and quickly changed into her 'outside' clothes and make herself presentable.

Alicia squared her shoulders and knocked on the closed doors of the command centre. She heard Taylor say a gruff 'come in' and readied herself donning a neutral expression before she opened the door and stepped into the room.

"Keep the doors closed" Taylor told her as he was looking at a plex, she closed the doors and stood in front of his desk in a relaxed military stance. After a moment he placed the plex to the side and looked her over before gesturing for her to sit. Alicia sat down and their eyes locked for a moment as if they were assessing one another for changes and differences as they hadn't had the chance to properly do so.

"Interesting read" Taylor remarked gesturing to the plex, she assumed he was referring to her report. Alicia remained silent not giving him any feedback verbal or non verbal. Taylor sat back in his chair. "Wash, I need you back on duty as my second A.S.A.P. but I have my concerns"

"Permission to speak freely?" Alicia asked as she sat in the chair with a ramrod straight back.

"when have you ever needed it?" Taylor asked with an amused smile as she only asked permission to speak freely when she was about to be snide. Yet right now she was incredibly formal.

"I feel I do now" She said

"Go ahead" He said with a wave of his hand opening the floor to her.

"You don't need me, you and Shannon appear to have everything completely under control. I'd just be a third wheel and honestly I don't want to return to duty" Alicia said she was amazed at how easy the words just fell from her lips as she had always thought giving up the military would be the hardest most heartbreaking decision to make of her life.

"What do you mean you don't want to return to duty? you're a soldier" Taylor said as he sat up in his chair his eyes narrowing in anger and betrayal at her decision. As if her refusal was like a rejection of him personally. He watched as Alicia's eyes grew cold with fury and her body became tense.

"I was a soldier. When you put that empty coffin in the ground and stuck a cross on and put my tags on it was when the soldier you proclaim me to be died. You would have left me to be a prisoner for the rest of my life if Carter didn't come grovelling to you" Alicia told him as she felt the rage that had been twisting in a tight knost in chest for the last few months began to unfurl on it's own volition as Taylor just assumed she'd jump back into work and pretend he didn't abandon her.

"I watched you get shot, I thought you were dead" Taylor said quietly as he knew she was angry about them mistaking her for dead, that the decision not to pursue the sixers and phoenix soldiers was on him as he was the commander. He made the tough decisions.

"You're son missed, I was concussed by the blast as it narrowly missed my head and you would have known that if you bothered to retrieve my remains. But no, you left me to rot out in that jungle. What happened to 'We never leave a soldier behind'?" Alicia asked with venom.

"I wanted to-" he started but Alicia cut him off as she threw hands up in the air and rolled her eyes.

"Oh yeah the excuses. You had a colony to rebuild, civilians and soldiers to rally right? It's all about priorities and I was the fool for months thinking you'd come for me. God! I was such an idiot to think after years of loyalty and service to you that it would count for something!" Alicia hissed at him, he was grateful she wasn't shouting down the Command centre but at the same time he wished she could shout at him as it would be far more cathartic than how they were conversing now. He felt all the twisted up hate and anger in her as it had months to rotten inside of her as she continued to vent.

"You want to tell me how you need me and missed me? Yet you did fine without me and hell you even replaced me! It makes me realise I rank pretty damn low in your eyes as my 20 years of distinguished service to my country and you, my fruit salad of medals and commendations were replaced by some no-name narcotics detective who is also an escaped felon from Golad prison and an illegal immigrant to Terra Nova. Was the ground where I'm supposed to resting even settled before you gave Shannon the promotion to your XO?" Alicia asked him. Taylor reeled at her last comment for a moment before he spoke, this time he feed off her anger as he was offended by her accusations.

"How dare you! Half the colony was either destroyed or on fire when the sixers and the phoenix soldiers left. If I had the slightest hint that they had you alive or dead I would have gone after you but no one could confirm what happened to you. You think I was sitting here cosy and happy passing out work orders and promoting Shannon? Well I wasn't. I spent months grieving for you, you're my oldest and closest friend I have. I wished so many nights that I could have traded places with you. So don't you dare patronize me about how I acted just because I couldn't leave a colony undefended to chase a half ass chance that I could bring you home" he told her.

Maddy and Amelia were aimlessly walking as they had spent the last hour walking around with Maddy showing off the major sights that were relevant to Amelia which apparently weren't that many and the fact that most of the sites were packed together in one area of the Colony did make the tour short. Amelia liked Maddy, they had a lot in common with studying fanatically to favourite TV shows the only differences beside the obvious of physical appearance and some personality traits was that Amelia studied not out pleasure as Maddy did who had a thirst for knowledge. No, Amelia studied out of necessity to prove herself, to prove she could accomplish top grades. A drive her mother installed into her from birth. Amelia couldn't be someone who had a listless life.

"Oh my god I nearly forgot to show you the probe!" Maddy said as they passed a small garden with a large metal and stone sculpture as a centre piece. Maddy walked to the sculpture and pointed up. "This Probe-" She started.

"Was sent through the fracture and we found out that you can stop on any bug you want and no worries about affecting the future isn't that right Maddy? I'm Josh by the way" the guy asked who appeared from nowhere with Skye at his side. He had a lanky 5 ft 9 frame with pale skin and dark brown hair and blue eyes, he smiled mischievously at them and threw a wink at Amelia. Maddy gave an annoyed sigh as she rolled her eyes.

"Not exactly-" Maddy started but Josh cut her off.

"Whatever Madds, you know I came looking for you as Dr Haynes asked me to get you for something" he said pulling a face as the details eluded him. Maddy looked to Skye who gave a shrug indicating she had no clue.

"She did? When?" Maddy asked her eyes going wide in fear. Amelia remembered Maddy telling her about Dr Haynes and how demanding the woman could be.

"About 5 minutes ago… Something about needing your help finding something she can't find or writing something…I don't know she wants to see you." Josh said giving up with trying to remember but it was plain to see Josh was lying through his teeth.

"Great Josh, you couldn't just remember a simple message" Maddy said annoyed at her older brother. She turned to Amelia with an apologetic look "I'm so sorry but I have to go. Dr Haynes is my supervisor and if I don't go she'll fail my apprenticeship" Maddy said apologetically, Amelia waved a dismissive hand.

"It's ok we'll catch up later" Amelia said to her. Maddy smiled relieved she wasn't putting Amelia out with her urgency to get to Dr Haynes.

"Ok cool. I gotta go" Maddy said, she turned around and ran towards the labs. Amelia eyed Josh and then looked at Skye who was standing next to him awkwardly looking at her.

"Hi, I don't if you remember" Skye started but Amelia cut her off.

"No I remember you're Skye and I remember everything you said" Amelia told her as she hated the assumptions people made about her and of Lucas. It was like he was the devil incarnate to the Colony and granted he admitted to her freely what he had done to the colonists to scare her into keeping her distance. It was he who kept giving her the mixed messages as he treated her respectfully and talked to her as if she were his friend than a prisoner. She couldn't quite balance out the two sides of him as she hadn't seen or experience him to be that cruel person people believed him to be. But then she also reminded herself that everyone was capable of cruelty given the right motivation.

"Right, I'm so sorry about what I said the other day. I didn't mean to upset you" Skye said sincerely.

"Apology accepted" Amelia said politely though she only said it in the hopes Skye would leave her alone. Amelia didn't like how Skye could launch into such a personal conversation with her the first time meeting. Amelia was a relatively private person due to her old lifestyle and she didn't want to hear Skye talk about Lucas like he was the scum of the earth when the man had taken care of her.

"And I'm Josh Shannon… Maddy's older brother. Many people don't see the familial resemblance" he said as he introduced himself properly and offered his hand to her. Amelia looked at the hand suspiciously before she took it giving it a firm shake and releasing his hands. He smiled down at her in over friendly manner.

"Right, well it's nice to meet you and see you again but I gotta go" Amelia said to them as she really wanted to get home.

"To the markets with us for lunch?" Josh asked her with a smile, Amelia was sure was meant to be cheeky but didn't quite work for her.

"Josh is buying" Skye added as if it would entice her further.

"I'm not interested but thanks anyway" Amelia said shaking her head and tried to walk away but Josh grabbed her upper arm and in that moment she turned and thought of Hooper just a flash of a memory. Her heart pounded as she reminded herself she in the colony and Hooper was dead and Josh had no similarities to the man except similiar colouring in hair and skin. She looked at the hand and looked at Josh hoping her features didn't betray how panicked she was at him grasping her arm the way he was.

"One lunch as simple peace offering we'll have xiph-kebabs. I'm sure you haven't had them before" Josh said not taking no for an answer or releasing her arm. Amelia contemplated the chances of sporadically vomiting on Josh to get out of Lunch as her stomach was already doing the flips with nausea thanks to the unsettling panic a few moments ago.

"Actually I have. Do you mind letting go of my arm?" she asked him as she took a deep breath she hadn't realised that her tone had been so clipped as he let go of her arm and held his hands up in surrender with yet another over friendly smile.

"Chill there's no need to get all uptight about being taken to lunch. It's one meal and maybe after it you'll realise what awesome people we are and hang out with us" Josh said.

"I really need-"

"One kebab, a girl has got to eat right Skye?" Josh asked Skye who for some reason was looking peeved at Josh's attempts at trying to wrangle Amelia to Lunch.

"That's right, one kebab. come on we can bury the hatchet" Skey said plastering on a smile. Amelia knew she was not going to get out of it so she gave a no of surrender and gesture to the markets.

"One Kebab"Amelia said as she was too tired to argue and figured one meal and it would be over with as she really didn't appreciate him calling her 'uptight' and also had a feeling he'd pester her until the cows came home and she agreed to have a meal with him.

"One Kebab it is!" Josh said. "So tell us all about yourself" he said as he walked in the middle between Amelia and Skye.

"The situation with Carter, I understand-"

"It's not a 'situation'. He openly loves me and always has, he was there for me. He put his own life before mine every time he picked my broken ass off the ground which is more times than I care to count-" she stopped when she heard a few choice expletives were shouted into the air in a voice that sounded a lot like Amelia's followed by the sound of a hard slap. Alicia was amazed that they could hear the slap but that was until she realised how quiet the outside was.

Taylor hadn't missed it either, they got to their feet and went outside to the balcony and saw that the market that was usually in full swing had stopped to watch the show as Amelia was shouting at Josh who was in shock as the left side of his face was turning a nice shade of red. Skye stood to his side mouth agape in shock before she spoke.

"Hey it was just a joke" Skye told Amelia in a placating tone. Alicia started to move but Taylor grabbed her by the elbow she turned to look at him and he shook his head as if to say 'let it play out'. It was true they could intervene but it wasn't like Amelia was beating the crap out of Josh as it was just one slap.

"No, it was an insult and everything you've both said to me since buying this ugly looking fish stick has been insulting. I have no issues with the 'advance' technology because I'm not some idiot who doesn't know her ass from her elbow! Contrary to popular belief, I am actually quite intelligent. I was top of all my classes, I was given a freaking Golden key before I even sat my HSC! Do you know what that means?" she asked Skye and Josh who looked at her gobsmacked. "It meant that once I finish my degrees and PhD the whole world would have been my oyster. All the doors would open for me. I could have gone anywhere and be whatever I wanted to be but now I'm here where my options are extremely limited by your 'Awesome' Colony" Amelia shouted in a mix of anger and sarcasm. She took a deep breath and looked around her to see the scene she had made as everyone was looking at her.

She couldn't help the anger she had listened to Josh and Skye endlessly amount of insensitive remarks from being stupid and brainwashed by Lucas to how she was in paradise to the point she couldn't help but explode from anger. She couldn't believe she had the anger to lash out but the read hand print on Josh's face was proof.

Soldiers and colonists a like stared gape mouthed at her as they hadn't expected her to have such an outburst which made her even more angry as she hated them all for staring and whisper behind her back like they even knew her. Her body shook with adrenalin and anger.

"Yeah, go ahead and stare like any of you are any better than them. You all want to know what happened?! Hooper was the monster who beat the shit out of me for fun, who smashed my hand and laughed! Not Lucas. Lucas didn't lay a hand on me or force me to do anything! As you keep insinuating." She said looking back at Josh and Skye "And what everyone believes. He took care of me and protected me from the other soldiers as best he could. He never once asked for anything in return. I know what a fucking revelation!? But that's how he was with me. He was honest and trust me I know everything he has done, he made no allusions that he was a good man and I don't know why I am the lucky one but then I don't want to hear your thoughts about Lucas or what you think my experiences with him were. Lucas was courteous and respectful with me and frankly he has more manners and integrity than you two could hope to scrape together in a lifetime. I'm done and I'm tired of being your novelty item. So thank you for lunch. Let's never do it again" Amelia told them, she threw her hands up in surrender as she felt like everything she said was wasted on them. She turned her back and walked away from the market place with her chin high as tears burned her eyes but she refused to cry them.

She was only stopped when Alicia stepped in her way. "I'm not apologising" Amelia told her as Alicia moved to the side and they continued walking. She told herself over and over to not cry and not say how much she hated the colony, at least at the old encamptment she knew her place. In the Colony she was felt like a round peg trying to fit into a square hole.

"Did I ask you to turn around and apologise?" Alicia asked as they walked. Alicia understood that Taylor allowed the melt down as he thought it would be cathartic for Amelia and somehow break the barriers that existed between Amelia and the other colonists as she was the outsider. The outsider who by rumour was intimate with Lucas thus she was tainted goods and would never be fully welcomed or trusted as she didn't have complete allegiance to Taylor.

"No" Amelia said as her throat hurt from the lump of a sob wanting to escape.

"Exactly you're nearly 18 which is an adult thus you'll have to suffer the repercussions for swearing loudly in public. I had no clue you had such a foul mouth" Alicia said, Amelia shot her a dark look as she didn't find it amusing. "Taylor wasn't impressed but you showed a real back bone out there" Alicia added, Amelia could swear Alicia was proud of her for shouting at the townspeople along with slapping Josh and shouting at him and Skye.

"So will I be fined or punished whatever you want to call it?" Amelia asked as it all sunk in that she had made possibly the biggest scenes of her life. Worse than the scene she made at ballet when she was 5 and the kids made fun of her Jem and the Holograms backpack thus making her not want to go to Ballet. She had kicked up the biggest protest but her mother was adamant she was going even if Amelia went kicking and screaming.

"No, it'd be a bit rich considering that it's your first offence and he's cursed fouler words in public. Though not as loudly" Alicia said with a chuckle.

"I couldn't help it. I told him to shut up and he just kept prodding and prodding and I got louder and angrier. It was not my finest hour" Amelia said now as the adrenalin wore off and mortification settled in.

"It's ok, I'm sure you'll forever be remember for that moment" Alicia assured her.

"Great, thanks! that's just super supportive" Amelia told Alicia in a sarcastic tone. Alicia smiled as she patted Amelia on the back.