Downtown Caribou
Tues, May 23, 2006, 8 pm
Sam, Alex, and Kris headed down the street toward a diner they noticed while working today. "I'd forgotten how horrible girls in high school could be. Less than a year and I'd already blocked it all out." Alex was feeling alright, but needing to kind of vent a little too with this job. Something about the whole thing bugged her.
"Yeah, I seem to recall some really mean kids in high school. I was never a total outcast, but I wasn't that popular either. And it seemed like unless you were on that top rung, you got picked on at least a little by someone." Sam commented a little from his own high school experience.
"I was mostly the same, Nic too from the sounds of it. But I'm only going on what she said about it. We did some sports, some of hers were outside of school though, like her dance and gymnastics were at special schools for dance and gymnastics, not the high school. The only school team she was on was volleyball for a couple years. Me I played soccer on and off all through my school years, swam in high school and played basketball in middle school. It was enough to get me a little respect from the nicer people, but only served to point me out to the truly mean and popular as a target. Because once people heard my name and knew it, they learned about my mom and dad, not the supernatural part, but that they were dead, and all that. Those who weren't so nice would call me weird, or freak, things like that." Alex walked close to Sam and actually took hold of his jacket sleeve, not unlike a child. Sam looked at her and smiled and she smiled back. "Kris, I think, blended better, never drew enough attention to bother too many. But she wasn't immune to the idiots either."
Kris kind of shrugged when Sam looked back at her. She was keeping up, but also keeping several steps behind Alex and Sam. She'd gotten picked on by her share of people, some of whom Alex knew about and had done what she could to defend Kris, and some she didn't. But Kris supposed it was just high school, and at least she didn't have to deal with it. She was hoping to go back for graduation in a few weeks, but other than that, she was done with it anyway.
Sam shifted and pulled Alex's hand from his jacket and slipped his hand into hers. If she wanted to hold onto something, he didn't mind a warm hand in his. He decided to change the subject a little too, "So what really made you decide to come on this trip with your sister?" He glanced over his shoulder at Kris, hoping she'd jump in too, the question was meant for both of them. He smiled a little at the same time, and let his other hand hang at his side. He wiggled his fingers a little when he smiled, trying to let Kris know she could come walk with them, and he'd take her hand too. She looked kind of lonely walking behind them.
Alex smiled softly, mostly to herself, when Sam took her hand. She seemed to take a few breaths before she answered. "Well, you know how I said Nic's a pain in my ass, but I don't know what I'd do without her. Well, when she said she was going, and I started to think about her not being around, I couldn't deal with it. For as much as I may have wanted anything else, I wanted most to stay with her. She's all we have left," Alex glanced at Kris, who was still behind them, "and I couldn't let her just walk away. Even if she had every intention of coming back. I love her more than anything." Alex's voice got very serious and soft. A couple tears had welled up and she was fighting them back. She didn't mind speaking for herself and Kris, since she knew her sister felt the same way. It was something the two of them had talked about when Nic had brought up taking off last year.
Sam looked at her, feeling bad for bringing up something that made her cry. He stopped their walking and wrapped his arms around Alex. "It's okay. I kind of get what you mean." Sam had tried walking away from Dean again a few weeks ago to chase after their dad. But he finally realized that Dean was really all he had, and he couldn't just walk away from him, again. "I actually almost walked away from Dean, but when I realized he was all I really had left, I couldn't, I came back."
Kris was kind of hugging herself, and had stepped close to the building, gently leaning against it. Alex nodded trying to quickly compose herself again and pulled back from Sam to resume walking. "Thanks. Somehow you guys just get it. But I guess it's cause you guys have lived it. It's lonely out here without anyone else to understand what this life is like."
Sam quickly moved back into step with Alex and caught hold of her hand again. "It is. That's why I'm really glad you girls decided to stick with us, or let us stick with you, or however it is."
"Yeah, I don't know who's with who, but we're all together. You and Dean are good company." Alex smiled at Sam. Kris had resumed walking, but wasn't rushing to catch up.
"Maybe we're with you girls. I'd expected some kind of resistance from Dean, but I think he was just as happy to stick with you as I was. Nic was the one who kind of had to say okay to it." Sam smiled at his logic as to who was along with who. It didn't matter, they were all together now. It wasn't that Nic, Kris, and Alex were along for the ride with Dean and Sam's mission. Nor were they tagging along with the Wakefield sisters' journey. They were all in it together, it was all of theirs journey.
Sam had managed to get a little laugh out of Alex. "Yeah," she shook her head, "I don't know why Nic has to be so difficult. I'm just glad I didn't really have to fight her over it."
Sam searched for something to say or ask that didn't seem like a sensitive subject. He wasn't sure if this would hit a nerve, but he tried, "you come off pretty tough on the surface, but you're really pretty..." Sam searched for the right word.
"Broken, weak, lost? Kind of. The tough looking shell is all to keep out the world. The less that can get in I figure the less I'll have to feel. I don't deal with too many feelings well. They never make sense." Alex glanced sadly at Sam and then looked down, "I know I'm probably a liability to Nic, she's stronger without me. Without having to worry about me. When people first meet us they always take her for the weak one, but if they pay enough attention, it becomes pretty clear that she's the strong one, and I'm the weak one." Alex was feeling weak at the moment, and actually wasn't thinking about Kris being behind them.
Kris, for her part, wasn't really listening, she was several feet behind them, and was in her own world. Though had she heard she'd have disagreed, she always felt like the weak one, the hanger on. That Nic and Alex drove it all.
"I wouldn't describe you as any of those things. You aren't weak, broken, or lost. This isn't an easy thing we do. It's hard to take sometimes, for all of us. There are days, when I think too hard about all this shit, and I just want to hide under my bed or something. But I think you do the same I do, you suck it up the best you can, knowing Nic and Kris are by your side, and do what you can to pull through. And now you've got Dean and I to lean on too. Dean may not do the touchy feely stuff, but he's a great hunter. He'll do anything to keep those around him safe." Sam gave her hand another squeeze and smiled at Alex. He glanced briefly over his shoulder to see Kris, she seemed to be lagging farther behind, but he felt like he needed to comfort one sister at a time. "You're sensitive, that's what I trying to say. And that's not a bad thing, sometimes I think this life makes people too hard, too cold. While you have a tough surface, you have a real sensitivity and warmth to you."
"Yeah, maybe." Alex nodded, relaxing a little bit, the hints of a smile returning to her eyes and lips. The stress of it was just kind of getting to her today for some reason, she wasn't really sure why.
"And if you need more than a protector, if you need someone to listen, someone you can vent your frustrations and insecurities to," he paused and she glanced at him. Sam smiled, nodded, and pointed at himself, "and I'll do my best to make you feel better, okay. You're not a liability. You're incredibly bright, and great at the research, which is a talent unto its self."
"Thanks Sam. And even though you probably don't need it, I'm more interested in people's feelings than I probably seem. Especially the people I care about. So if you ever need to vent, or whatever, I promise, I'm not too bad at the listening and trying to make people feel better." Alex said seriously, then smiled, "it's just a well hidden talent." Then she sort of half snickered, half giggled.
"She is." Kris finally spoke and nodded, she definitely thought Alex was a good listener to her. Her sister always had time to hear her problems and help her anyway she could.
"I believe you, and I think it's not such a hidden talent. I think you have your own unique ways of putting people at ease. And you don't offer an ear to just anyone. I probably need an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on more than I'd like to admit even, and certainly more than I actually have one. So don't be so sure I won't come to you sometimes needing a friendly ear." Sam looked gently at Alex as they walked and gave her hand a little squeeze. They approached the diner and Sam opened the door for Alex, only then letting go of her hand because Kris was lagging behind, and he wanted to hold the door for her too. He smiled at Kris when she stepped past him, and she smiled softly back at him.
"Then I guess I'm in good company." Alex smiled up at Sam, taking his hand again once they were all inside. They were shown to a table and Kris wondered if she should have stayed behind, feeling a little bit like a third wheel. Alex slid into the booth seat and looked at Sam. She didn't seem to want to let go of his hand.
Sam smiled and slid in next to her. "You don't mind sharing a side, do you?"
"Not at all." Alex finally let go of his hand to pick up her menu. She did feel safer when one of the guys were around. She wasn't sure what it was, maybe it was just the old idea of having a strong guy around, but whatever it was, she liked it. "What do you think you want to eat?"
Kris sat down across from them and got a smile from both of them, to which she did her best to smile. Picking up a menu then and busying herself with looking it over, as her stomach reminded her why she'd come along.
"I'm thinking about a nice burger and fries, actually." Sam was glancing at the menu, thinking that sounded really good. "What about you?"
"That sounds pretty good to me too. And a milkshake." Alex had a love of milkshakes. She set her menu down having made up her mind.