Because you guys asked me very nicely to write the next chapter asap, here it comes! :)

I hope you'll like this and please, don't hesitate to write down what you think! *hugs*

This chapter is named after the masterpiece by Beethoven which helped me writing.

Don't own anything!

13. Moonlight Sonata

Previously:

How could Raymond even ask it? How could Alan tell him?
Red's anger disappeared as he saw the pain and sadness in his brother's eyes. They just stood there and studied each other, neither of them dared to speak…

…Meanwhile…

Liz killed the engine and wiped away her tears. How could she forget that? What was she going to do?
She slowly got out of the car and stepped into the little hotel where she knocked at one particular door.
After a minute an elder lady in her bathrobe opened the door. "What are you doing here, dearie?" Mr. Kaplan asked as she put on her glasses.
"Sorry for the disturbing but…" it was the point where she couldn't hold back her tear anymore. "I didn't know where else to go." she avoided Mr. Kaplan's eyes.

"Come in, dearie. I'll make you some tea."

###

Long moments passed by without any movement, any voice. The tense in the silent air was almost touchable as they were staring each other. Both of them feared to move because Alan and Raymond knew if one of them took a step or said something - either bad or good - everything would change forever.

As stupid as it sounded but sometimes Alan whished that people could read his mind and understood what was in him – because he knew that even his mind and soul wanted to scream all the feelings, his lips weren't able to move and let out these feelings, to form words.

When he'd been a young man he had learned that it was the best if he kept his secrets in himself because nobody cared or they just criticized instead of helping him to solve them.

Secrets were not necessary bad – they could be very comforting if you accepted their existence and you could live with them. But…a secret could be a real bastard and you crushed under its weight and then you started to deny it, you started hating yourself because of it. At the end you became a self-loathing, self-destructive something and you thought you hadn't been human being for a long while and you were a monster under the robe of a man.

That was how their secrets ruined both Red and Alan's self-images. What was the only difference between their secrets?

Alan didn't want to share, Red didn't dare to tell.

But now it looked like Alan somehow figured out how to tell what he'd wanted to tell to Red with all those hurting words. At least, Red thought that when he saw Alan's lips opened but a second later they closed. He could clearly see that Alan wanted to tell something, he forced himself to speak but his voice died at the end of his tongue and never came out.

Alan wiped the blood away from his mouth once again then he picked up his coat from the couch "I think I should go." he said quietly, avoiding his brother's eyes.

"No, wait!" as much as Red'd been angry at him he just couldn't let Alan leave, not when he knew that the nightmares would chase his little brother tonight. One desperate trying "Please, don't leave!" and it worked.

Alan stopped in the opened door with his back to Red and frowned. He slowly turned around to look at his brother and took three steps toward him "You cannot ask me not to leave after what you've done" Alan hissed.

"I had no intention to hit you…" he started when Alan rolled his eyes and dropped his coat to the couch while Red closed the door. "But what you said was …."

"I wasn't referring to what you did five minutes ago!" he interrupted Red and after a moment of silence he continued "But what you've done!" he nearly yelled when he finished.

And finally Red understood him.

Truth be told he never thought that Alan'd missed him in the past twenty years because he was pretty sure that his brother never really cared if Red had been around him or not. Alan'd been always passive when he had been there he'd never really expressed those feeling which he had just exposed in the past ten minutes.

When Red'd decided to run he'd thought Alan would be the last person who would get hurt by his absence. "Alan, did you…" somehow it was strange to speak about feelings with his brother especially Alan's feelings. As much as Red tried to remember he couldn't name the last time…maybe it'd not happened yet. "Did you miss me?"

Alan shook his head with disbelief and turned back to the window, chewing his cheek. When he didn't answer Red slowly approached him and put his hands into his pockets. "Alan, I'm sorry. I never thought you…I thought…" Red was speechless. He turned to the window and stared the snow-covered dark features outside.

Alan knew that from that point it was no turning back. Once he had started he had to finish.

"I know why you ran away and I completely understood you. How much Dad tried to make me believe that you're monster who betrayed his family, betrayed his country…I knew that it had a good reason why you did it. But what still bothering me is that you didn't even say goodbye. I didn't need you to do or say anything just…" Alan turned to Red and looked into his eyes "All I wanted to hear from you; good bye Alan."

Now Red was who couldn't even look at Alan's face. "If I'd known this I'd have come to you but like I said I never thought…"

"What, Raymond? That I felt betrayed?" Alan snapped angrily "I don't have to introduce my parents, right?! Hell, Dad was the reason why you joined to the Navy, because you wanted to show him that you're capable of something! He was the reason why I wanted to be a lawyer because I knew how much he hated them. Say whatever you want but we're who we are because of our father. He treated me like…" he stopped for a moment to calm himself down then he continued with much smaller voice "It did hurt me what he had said but I didn't care because I had a brother who may never told but he always always made me feel like a valuable boy who deserved living in this world." his watery eyes broke Red's heart and at the same time it pushed him deeper into his misery. Here was an other broken person and he was broken because Raymond abandoned him.

Alan was right. Something was broken in Red, too because of his father and it didn't matter his successful business, that he had a beautiful wife. On the melancholic nights he thought about how many things he had screwed up, that his life was a total mess, that he was like his father had said once; eternal little loser.

"You can't imagine how hard it was me to leave everything behind me. And now I understand why you threw those horrible things at me. Alan, you must believe that how sorry I am. I had to leave you. I know it sounds like a cliché but…over the years I wanted to make contact with you but I couldn't. I wanted to protect you from the danger. From my enemies. But, please don't think, even for a second that I didn't care about you over these years."

Alan snorted with disbelief and shook his head.

"What do you think who paid the college?" he arched his eyebrow. "I was there when you got your degree, when you did your first case. And I was so utterly proud of you, Alan. After your wife's death I almost knocked on your door but the damn FBI was on my trail and I had to leave the country. I didn't stop caring about you, Alan. I never will."

Alan just stared at his brother and didn't know what to say. Of course Red could have lied about these things but a faint memory crossed his mind; when he had had his first day in the courtroom as a lawyer he'd felt his brother's presence. That time he'd told himself that he had just imagined Raymond's presence but now it made sense. "Then why now? Why did you make contact with me now? It's obvious for the FBI that you're my brother so I'm in danger."

"No." Red shook his head. "No, because you're one of the best lawyers in this country. The FBI can't make you disappear nor blackmail me with you. On the other hand; now the FBI will look thoroughly my case to find any mistake which could prove that Lizzie and I colluded to betray the FBI or the government or whatever they want to believe. But they won't find anything so my immunity remains. And finally I know where to search my enemy who destroyed so many life twenty years ago."

Alan nodded and didn't ask more; he knew if he were Raymond wouldn't answer. He took a deep breath and suddenly became very tired; the food, the glasses of wine, all the new information made almost impossible to think clearly.

Red knew the new information were difficult to process in the middle of the night and he saw how tired his brother was "Please, don't leave. After what happened I'm almost sure that the night terrors won't let you sleep tonight and I don't want you to wig out of your hotel room." he put his hand on Alan's shoulder who stared it for a moment and then he slowly nodded. "There's a guestroom next to mine."

Alan began to walk then suddenly turned around to take a last look at his brother "Raymond…I'm sorry for what I said before. I don't believe what I said. I just…wanted to hurt you." instead of Red's face Alan stared the floor.

"I know, Alan. Good night."

Alan nodded again "Good night." and left Red alone who poured a big glass with scotch.

Now only one thing left to do; to figure out where Lizzie was and why she lied to him.

…Meanwhile…

"I'm really sorry, Mr. Kaplan I don't know how or why but….I-I had to speak with someone about this." Lizzie walked back and forth with her hand on her forehead in front of the couch where the old lady had taken seat. "Someone who sees my…situation in other perspective."

"First of all; stop walking you give me nausea." she ordered Liz who sat down the armchair in front of her. She poured a cup of tea and handed it to Lizzie. "Here; drink it. It'll help you relaxing."

"Thank you." her voice was small and rough because of the crying. The tea really calmed her a bit as she held the beautiful cup with two hands.

Mr. Kaplan waited for a few minute and she tried to remain calm as the seriousness of this situation required.

"I suppose you haven't spoken with Raymond yet."

"No" she sniffed. God, she was going to break his heart if she told him! "I don't even know for sure… but it has a pretty big chance."

"Then why didn't you go and buy…"

"Because it's still early." Liz interrupted her and Mr. Kaplan nodded. Suddenly Liz felt herself really ashamed; coming here making a scene because of something which wasn't even sure and yet… "Maybe I shouldn't have come here and burst into hysteria…"

Mr. Kaplan must have seen her uneasiness so she suddenly touched the back of Liz's hand and looked at her with her intense eyes. "Elizabeth! I'm happy that you came to me and do not underestimate this; maybe nothing happened but until it has a little chance you must think about how you will solve it. You have to count with the damages and also the happiness it will cause if your suspicions are right. But first you have to tell Raymond."

"No, no, no!" she jumped from her seat and began walking again. "I don't want to tell until I'm not completely sure. Even after…" she shook her head as she felt another urge of crying but then someone grabbed her upper arms.

"Don't even think about making this decision alone! He has the right to know!" in spite of her petite feature Mr. Kaplan was really affective.

"It's my choice, it's my b…"

"No, dearie. From that moment when you fell in love with him, it's not your only choice anymore. Because if you make any decision without him… when he'll find out because he will, you'll lose him. I know him and I know how he would react if you do this behind his back. You can't run away, you can't destroy and can't hide without his knowledge."

"Either way it'll break him down. It'll break me down." Liz whispered.

"You can't know that, dearie." she gently lifted Liz's jaw with her index finger "You can't know." she shook her head slowly, a sad smile appeared at the corner of her mouth.

Liz had done the right thing when she had come to Kaplan. Her collected behavior always amused Lizzie and in this situation it was what she needed. She'd been there for only twenty minutes but she could think more rational than twenty minutes before. Taking a deep breath and she mirrored Mr. Kaplan's smile.

"And now; go home and talk with your husband." before Liz could protest she continued. "You don't have to do it tonight but sooner or later you must."

Liz nodded and put on her coat. She approached the door then suddenly she turned around.

"You came here as a friend so in this case I'm treating Raymond as a friend, too. I don't have to tell him anything." the good old Kaplan-tone returned.

"Thank you." with that Liz left.

She was driving around a town for almost an hour; she considered every possible details, every issue.

It was one in the morning when she returned. She tried quietly slipping into the penthouse when Red stopped her in the living room. "Look, who's arrived!" Red approached her with his not-so-well-coordinated steps.

"Sorry, I didn't…"

"You didn't what? Didn't think that I would wait until you return?" he asked sarcastically and wanted to sip from the bottle when Liz grabbed from his hand and spilled it into the sink.

"Hey, what are you doing with my scotch?" he asked angrily but when he arrived to the kitchen the bottle was empty. "I wanted to drink." he murmured.

"Why the hell are you drunk?"

"Just tipsy." he shushed. "I got to know; my little brother thought that I hate him. And I also got to know that I let him down. Aaand my lovely wife turns up in the middle of the night with..." he leaned closer and inhaled her scent. "the scent of menthol. So where have you been, honey?" he stepped closer while Liz took a step back but then the kitchen counter stopped her. She wouldn't tell him where she had really been while he was in this state.

"I told you that Cooper wanted to talk with me." she silently thanked the darkness so Red couldn't see her blushing cheeks.

"You know, I don't like when somebody's lying to me, especially when my wife's doing it." he leaned closer to kiss her neck but then all of sudden he withdrew and picked up his coat and fedora. "But you know, what? I don't care." he raised his hands in front of him.

"Where are you going?" her eyes filled with tears but she wouldn't give the pleasure to Raymond Reddington; he would not see her crying because of him.

"Guess, who called; Cooper! He wants to talk with me, too." he said sarcastically "Don't wait for me." And shut the door behind him.

For the hundredth time of the night she started crying; she had been worrying about him and the bastard dared to leave her!

She buried her face into her hands when a gentle hand touched her shoulder. "Elizabeth." Alan whispered as he slowly turned her around and let her hug him. "Don't be mad at him. We said a lot of bad things tonight and it's hard to process, even for Raymond."

"I'm angry because he's selfish and he was no right to…"

"No. He's drunk. He'll take a walk, return here to sleep and in the morning he'll hate himself for what he had done." he stepped back and offered a handkerchief to her.

"Thank you." she wiped her tears away with it. "But I won't let him treat me like this."

"I didn't say that." Alan smiled sadly. "So what about a quickie?" he joked.

She let out a small laugh "It's really tempting but no. The bastard has a great luck because I still love him. And right now all I need is a bed and a long sleep."

"It's okay, you don't have to be awake." he lowered his voice and walked with her toward their bedrooms.

"You never give up?" she smiled.

"Never" he smirked and waited until Liz went to her room.

"Good night, Alan."

"Sweet dream, Liz."

###

It was eight in the morning when Red woke up on the couch. When he had left last night he had been at a bar and drank a glass of scotch then after a short walk he had come back and fallen asleep on the couch. In spite of how much he had drunk yesterday he had a mild hangover and unfortunately he remembered how he treated Lizzie.

To make her forgive him Red prepared her favorite breakfast and knocked on the door of the bedroom.

"Lizzie? Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I was such an ass, would you forgive me?" when he didn't hear any noise he continued. "I made breakfast; coffee and scrambled eggs." still nothing. With a sigh he opened the door and he saw it was empty.

No, no, no! – he silently prayed but after checking the bathroom he saw Alan, leaning against the doorframe, with a mug in his hand. "She's gone." he said silently.

"When did she leave?"

Alan took a look at his wristwatch "About an hour and half ago. Some FBI agent came and offered their jet. She packed into her bag and left."

Red rubbed the nape of his neck while he was thinking about what would be the best thing to do.

"I'm such an ass." Red murmured with loath in his voice.

"Yes." Alan nodded simply as he brought a mug of coffee to Red. "But you haven't lost her. You have to figure out how you would make it up to her but prepare; she will kick your ass before she'll forgive you." Alan chuckled and patted his brother's shoulder. "And I almost forget; Mr. Kaplan took care of your bodyguard and he is already in the best hospital in Washington. We'll meet with her on the jet and we can fly back to Washington." he turned around to leave the room but after two steps he turned back again "Just tell me one thing; why is she Mr. Kaplan?" Alan furrowed his brows.

Red chuckled "It's a long story."

###

"Where is Elizabeth?" Mr. Kaplan asked as she took her seat.

"She went with the FBI's jet. We had a sort of fight yesterday." Red said with slight pain in his voice.

Mr. Kaplan took a deep breath to calm herself down "I'm saying that as your friend, Raymond; sometimes you're unbelievable."

"Don't start with me, Kate. She didn't want to tell me…" he snapped.

"Of course she didn't want to tell you!" Mr. Kaplan interrupted. "She doesn't even know if she is pregnant or not!"

Red dropped his jaw and he was pretty sure that his heart skipped a beat or two. After a second he found his voice. "Lizzie…pregnant?"

To be continued…

Cliffhanger! Please, don't shoot me down! :D