Shattered Illusions
Summary: Yamato ran away from a past full of pain and suffering. Then, he met Taichi- a stunning image of beauty. But then, any illusion, including the most stunning, can be shattered by the smallest whisper of emotion
D-Angel: After a few months of writing bits here and there, I present to you another Chapter of Shattered Illusion, and it's actually a chapter I am happy with :) There's four more chapter to go after this, guaranteed. I've been working on this fic for far too long, heh. Thanks for your reviews and patience so far. Hope you all enjoy reading this chapter!
Warnings: Angst, strong language, graphic imagery
Chapter 12 Shattered Illusions
Nothing felt real anymore. Taichi sat in a state of disbelief at the dining table, his trembling eyes gazing at the printed news articles spread out in front of him as if he was preparing to research for an assignment.
"I'm sorry you had to find out like this," Timmy sighed sincerely as he rested a hand on Taichi's shoulder, "but I didn't want you getting tangled in his web of lies."
Drugs, alcohol, prostitution; these were definitely things he should have waited for Yamato to tell him; if they were even true. They must have been though. Despite not having Yamato's name printed in any of the articles, the single picture slapped across one of them of a young boy with wide eyes and light coloured hair bore too much of a striking resemblance to Yamato for it not to be him.
Taichi picked up the article with the picture, ignoring the devastating throbbing sensation plaguing the entirety of his throat.
"He never lied to me," Taichi croaked weakly, "he just never told me."
He squeezed his eyes shut, allowing a small irritating teardrop to trickle down his cheek.
"I'm not surprised," Timmy hesitantly admitted. He then loudly cleared his throat and momentarily squeezed Taichi's shoulder tightly, "But, if you meant so much to him, why couldn't he just be honest?"
As Timmy was trying to comfort him by massaging his shoulder blade, the front door creaked open, then shut again after a small pause of silence. The moment Taichi feared had finally arrived. He assumed Yamato had noticed Timmy's trainers resting in the small lobby. He was observant like that.
The moment Yamato stepped into the room he took one look at Taichi's pale face, then cursed deeply under his breath. He dropped the bags of shopping clutched in his hands onto the floor, not even flinching at the heavy thuds they made as they landed by his feet.
Yamato's vein on the side of his forehead twitched profusely whilst his eyes focused on Timmy, who still had his hand resting protectively on Taichi's shoulder. Of all the people to reveal his sordid secret... Why did it have to Timmy?
"What have you told him?" Yamato demanded in a deep authoritative tone as he marched over to Timmy.
"Everything he deserved to know," He growled as he lifted his hand from Taichi's shoulder, preparing himself for the upcoming verbal onslaught. Panic crept through Taichi's body when he recalled the New Year's Eve when Yamato and Timmy had fought. He prayed for that not to happen again.
"We all have dirty laundry," Yamato snarled as he grabbed the article clutched in Taichi's hands, "nice of you to air mine."
Timmy scowled; his frustration clearly building.
"Some of us may have secrets, but fucking hell, Ishida; I've never heard of any like this before." He could not grasp how Yamato was quite frankly still alive, particularly after discovering the long shameful list of things the blond had apparently experience when he was younger.
"I did some bad things in the past which I regret, so what?" Yamato sneered. He tossed the article back onto the table, "Everyone deserves a second chance."
Timmy's lips parted slightly before he let out an exasperated sigh of disbelief.
"Bullshit. You might be on the straight and narrow now, but what's to stop you slipping back into your old ways? What's to stop you from hurting Taichi?" He slammed his palm down on the table as he body shook violently, "I can't let that happen!"
"This has nothing to do with you!" Yamato cried back, his voice cracking with frustration on the last couple of words.
As Yamato and Timmy continued to fire snide comments towards one another, Taichi jumped up to his feet. He was not quite sure how to intervene, but he cared for both boys gravely and he could not sit around and let them hurt each other again.
"Shut up you two!" Taichi finally snapped, before he placed a hand against his forehead, "I'm sick of always hearing you two fighting! Why can't you just get along?"
Immediately both sets of eyes fell onto him, seemingly angry to begin with, but then they softened when they noticed the fearful expression stricken across Taichi's face.
"Isn't it obvious?" Timmy growled back, a vulnerable glimmer present in his eyes, "I love you more than he ever will".
He snatched the printed articles from the table and marched out the flat, dramatically slamming the door behind him once he had half-shoved his trainers on. The sound of the door banging against the doorframe resounded throughout the flat for several seconds, before leaving Taichi and Yamato in a thick and heavy mist of silence. They could not even look each other in the eye, knowing all too well something would have to be said.
When Yamato had finished scooping up the scattered items of shopping off from the floor and had placed them onto the table, Taichi loudly cleared his cluttered throat and spoke up over the piercing silence.
"So, was this your secret?"
Yamato did not even so much as flinch whilst he fished into his pocket and swiftly tugged out a nearly empty packet of smokes.
"One of them I guess."
Taichi's heart thumped harshly against his chest as if it had just been thrown up against a brick wall. He watched in disbelief as Yamato lit up a cigarette and discarded the packet and his lighter onto the table.
"Only one?" Taichi could not hide the bereavement in his voice; what possibly else could Yamato even have to hide? Nothing could be worse than what Yamato had gone through for the majority of his life.
"It's the only one you'll ever need to know." Yamato's response was delayed, but it signalled he was not willing to confess to the other demons that haunted his past. Taichi knew not to press; some things were always better left unsaid. Still, as he pinched the bridge of his nose, he struggled to conceal his worry.
"This isn't what I expected," Taichi sighed, his hand now subconsciously tracing along the length of his arm. "I only thought you might have dabbled with a little bit of drink and drugs, perhaps had a few run-ins with the law. I never for one moment suspected you had sold yourself, your body, and at such a young age..."
"Times were tough, I did what I had to," Yamato fired back without a moment's hesitation, although there was not a trace of pride in his abrupt tone. He had rehearsed the scenario in his head for a long time, Taichi realised. Yamato never liked being caught off-guard; it was one of his strongest pet hates. This is why he had anticipated such responses and questions, and had already planned out his answers.
The ticking coming from the nearby clock in the kitchen seemingly penetrated the tense atmosphere as each second continued to roll by. In that time Yamato drew in two deep breaths of cigarette smoke then exhaled out slowly, anticipating whatever Taichi was planning on asking next.
"I saw Kazu's name mentioned in one of the articles," Taichi revealed, his nails digging into the side of his arm as he said the name of Yamato's ex-boyfriend. "How is he involved in all this? When did you meet him?" The questions that had been polluting his mind ever since Timmy had shown him the articles just fired rapidly out from his mouth with little resilience.
Yamato flinched as if he had just stubbed his toe against an inanimate object and an almost inaudible sigh of pain eased its way out of his parted cherry lips. Anything involving Kazu was a delicate subject, but he was aware he had to unravel the ball of secrets he had kept stashed away in the dark cupboard of his mind for far too long.
"After I got out of juvenile prison I was placed into a care home, but I was still a mess- still addicted to the drugs that had a huge hold on my life- and the only way I knew how to make cash was selling my body," Yamato spoke in a disgusted tone as he wiggled his cigarette between his index and middle fingers. He did not want to know what Taichi was thinking, and he dreaded seeing how he would react.
"One night I was out on the streets when two men approached me. They were probably only in their late twenties and jacked up to their eyeballs on something, but they asked me how much a quick fuck would be. In hindsight I should have ran away then and there, but it had been so long since my last hit, all I could think about was the money I could get from them."
Taichi was wincing in discomfort already. Sadness burnt through Yamato's veins, but he was aware he could not shelter Taichi from the truth any longer. He owed Taichi this, especially after Timmy had triggered this whole fiasco by opening up the can of worms he should have smashed open several months ago.
"When I told them my price one of them started to laugh, and then the other just punched me in the face. After that I was dazed as they dragged me away from the safety of the streetlights..." Yamato swallowed the lump that was creeping up his aching throat. "They took my money and emergency phone, and then they raped me, beat me, and left me bleeding in an alleyway. Somehow I was able to stand up and limp out back towards the open street. That was how I met Kaz. He was buskin on the pavement. For several minutes I just hid round the corner, listening to his music. He was a violinist, very talented at that."
Yamato smirked as he reminisced on that moment. Kazu's eyes had been closed and his nose was scrunched up in concentration as he played a melancholy tune which Yamato did not recognize. Kazu's lullaby. Bizarrely, for a few moments, Yamato forgot entirely about his current predicament. The young musician had him hypnotized and wrapped snugly in a soothing euphoric bubble. It was one of the most powerful drugs he had ever experienced.
Of course, the pain of Yamato's injuries eventually became too agonizing to block out, knocking him thoroughly out from his sedated state. He had no choice but to stumble out completely from the shaded alleyway. Despite feeling groggy and dazed, he caught his reflection in a blacked out tinted car window. His shirt had been torn off during the attack; the entirety of his chest and back were covered in angry red scratches and purple bruised marks. What was left of his trousers hung partly around his waist, and in tatters over his decrepit trainers.
The most excruciating part was trying to familiarize himself with his own face. The image staring back at him was like looking at a complete stranger. His pale face was covered in a vibrant display of swollen bruises and blood; he could barely see out of his right eye because it was so puffed out. There was no doubt that his eye socket was broken, and judging by the piercing pain running through his jaw, that had been busted too.
Predictably, Kazu's bright green orbs widened seconds after they snapped open and saw Yamato staggering towards him.
"Poor kid was petrified when he saw me. Still, he helped me…" Yamato's voice drifted off as he scratched his hand against the crown of head, making a small mess of his usual immaculately styled hair. It was unnecessary to tell Taichi what had followed that night, and over the duration of the next few months. All that mattered was the conclusion.
"What happened to him?" Taichi asked in a reluctant tone. Yamato gnawed on the end of his cigarette as he breathed in a lungful of smoke. His eyes were clearly watering, yet he managed to hold back his tears.
"He was murdered. Murdered by a man called Zenaku." Yamato stubbed his cigarette out against the ashtray then bravely looked Taichi in the eyes. "He's a dangerous guy, and I supposedly owe him some money."
Taichi instantly arched an eyebrow the very instance Yamato had said that last word.
"Money? What do you owe him money for?"
Yamato opened his jaw for a moment, hesitating to reveal yet another secret.
"I took it... stole it from him."
There was another long pause of silence. Taichi scratched the back of his neck whilst his eyebrows furrowed in obvious contemplation. His arm then flopped back down by his side.
"Shit, Yamato, why did you even..."
"What the fuck would you know?" Yamato hissed defensively, "I needed that money."
The reasoning behind why Yamato had stolen the money was more than logical; Taichi had managed to work that out. Obviously though, there was one particular question burning on his mind.
"How much, Yama? How much did you steal?"
Taichi watched intently as Yamato immediately grinded his teeth against his bottom lip whilst he drummed his index and middle fingers against his right temple.
"Enough for a new guitar, my car, University fees and accommodation, and..." Yamato's voice abruptly trailed off. Taichi's face turned deathly pale. Finally something had clicked into place. His disbelieving eyes scanned across the room, soaking in every little element that surrounded them. Suddenly it did not seem as glamorous or special as it once was.
"This flat," Taichi completed the sentence Yamato had chosen to discard just moments ago. The older man slowly nodded his head. An aggravated sigh tumbled out of Taichi's mouth. He brushed his hand across his forehead and tore his gaze away from Yamato, with his hand now resting on his own cheek. In that time he heard the shuffle of Yamato's feet and legs crossing the room, assumingly heading towards the front door.
"I thought I knew you," Taichi uttered silently in a disheartened voice.
If that statement had come from anyone else, Yamato would have coldly laughed before leaving the room; the true actions of a disliked villain in a film or a novel. Hearing Taichi say those words made him realise just how corrosive it had been, keeping so much secret from his closest friend. If anything, Taichi was the one who had the right to laugh sardonically to his heart's content.
"I understand if you want fuck all to do with me now, but I did warn you." Yamato slumped down weakly onto the sofa, and his body was trembling and his teeth were quietly chattering together. He needed more nicotine but because of the constricting sensation wrapped around his chest, he lacked the strength to stand up and snatch his cigarettes and lighter from the table.
Taichi spun around, facing the direction of the sofa, revealing his quivering eyes to Yamato.
"This is a lot to take in, surely you understand that?"
Yamato nodded his head before answering, "of course."
His gaze remained fixed on Taichi's worried facial expression. He brushed aside a few strands of hair hanging over his left eye.
"I understand if you don't trust me or if you're frightened of getting hurt..."
"I'm not frightened," Taichi immediately interrupted in a harsh voice, still staring intently at Yamato, "not of you, or anyone else, or even what could happen to me." His tone then softened. "I'm just scared you're gonna get hurt."
Yamato momentarily closed his eyes, the corner of his mouth levitated into a subtle smirk. How typical it was of Taichi to put others before himself. From the beginning he had been selfless, despite being a little bit obnoxious. No one was perfect though, and Yamato was definitely a suitable example to represent that fact.
"Come here," Yamato muttered softly under his breath, his arm stretched out whilst his hand gestured for the brunette to join him. Taichi immediately dashed over and fell into Yamato's waiting arms. Despite he had done little physical activity that day, he strangely felt drained of energy, especially when Yamato hugged him tighter than usual. Taichi nuzzled against the small recess between Yamato's shoulder and the nook of his neck, savouring his sweet homely scent.
"I want you to move away," Yamato instructed, his fingers tracing against the back of Taichi's neck, "temporarily."
"Why?" An offended expression was stricken across Taichi's rugged face, although he knew all too well that Yamato could not see it with his chin resting on his lover's shoulder.
"I don't want you ending up like Kaz," Yamato responded bluntly, the pain was evident in his voice. His fingers curled protectively around the wisps of Taichi's soft brown hair at the back of his head. Taichi could feel the urgency and neediness in Yamato's involuntary actions. He knew then and there that he had to defy Yamato's wishes.
"No," Taichi murmured into Yamato's shoulder, "I'm not running! I want to stay with you, no matter what."
Taichi lifted his head and gazed directly into Yamato's watering eyes. He was so vulnerable; he always had been from the start. That ice cold exterior was just a flimsy barrier Yamato had created in order to shield himself from any further pain and anguish. Taichi had managed to slip past that tough, yet fragile, exterior and had slowly thawed and chiselled it away over the past several months.
"So stubborn, as always," Yamato teased as he placed one hand against Taichi's cheek, ignoring the silent tears that were falling from the corner of his eyes. He gently tilted Taichi's head upwards and forced their lips together. The kiss was desperate and somewhat necessary after everything that had happened over the past couple of hours.
There was a lot of take in, but Taichi believed that if their relationship could survive such a devastating blow, they could surely handle anything else that was to come.
Living in fear, it was something Yamato could no longer do alone. If Taichi wanted to stay, he vowed to do his upmost to make sure no harm would ever come to him or his family when judgement day was to arrive in November.
D-Angel: Eeeep, the end is approaching. I pretty much have the last four chapters planned out, and some are even partly written, although even I am intrigued to see where my own imagination is going to take me in the end. We will see, I guess! As for my other current works, rest assure I am working on these too. Slowly, but surely. My main priority is to finish this story though, since I've been working on it for just a little over five years now. Thanks for reading what I've done so far anyways, I hoped you've enjoyed it so far (honestly I do!).
See you all next chapter sexy people!
P.S. As always, let me know if you spot any spelling/grammar mistakes. Ta!
D-Angel
28/10/10
(1 month before I head off to Mexico!)