A/N two chapters in one day (sort of) I'm on fire! This chapter is pretty light on actual Faberry interaction, but of course Rachel is always on Quinn's mind, when is she not? Heads up, the next chapters or so will have way more focus on Faberry though! I'm already looking forward to writing them! Enjoy reading, and please review!
-Nightshade
I don't own Glee, not even a little, tiny, eensy, teensy, weensy bit!
Schadenfreude
Chapter Thirteen
The next morning, Santana was also eerily quiet, not silent though, she did make conversation despite it being thin and trivial, but one could tell she just wasn't really there. I was slightly preoccupied, because I had the intent of getting my Glee project done today, performing my solo, and I kept running through lyrics in my head. I hadn't planned any choreography or anything, since all we had to do was sing something that spoke to our current emotions. Of those, I had plenty. At least Santana's personal drama gave me something else to focus on. Or perhaps it reminded me that everyone has their issues, and that I wasn't the only person's life which kinda sucked. Though I must say, Santana can't start comparing until she gets knocked up too. Speaking of the Latina, she happened to slip away before first period, giving me nothing but a somber facial expression and a little nod. She usually walked along with me to my first period class, making sure to shoot evil glares at anyone who might be ogling my baby bump. It had sort of become our little routine, and it was a little alarming to see her change it. The day's classes went by with ease, the only thing really bugging me being Santana's odd behavior. I had seen her during the day coming out of the washroom and I could have sworn that she had tears in her eyes. The day had also been peculiarly short of Rachel sightings, which worried me for a whole other reason. My God, what if she didn't come to school so she could avoid me? It wasn't like I had actually kissed her, but it was obvious I'd wanted to, right? I'm pretty sure that almost-kissing someone after apologizing for the years of bullying you instigated and offering to be friends, is not the thing you do when you don't want to make people uncomfortable. What if she decided to transfer schools to get away from me and my lesbian-teen-pregnancy-failure germs? What if she moved out of the state… or the country?! When Santana told her to move back to Israel, surely she was joking, right? Rachel knew she was joking! Plus, what am I supposed to do without her? Oh God it's too early to be having those type of thoughts, but how am I supposed to get through the day without any of her longwinded rants and her diva fits and those tiny, incredibly sweet little gestures she does that makes all of those things bearable. I can't have any of that if she moved to Israel! This is a fiasco…
"Quinn?" the person beside me asked. Oh right, Math class, that's where I am. I turned to find Brittany sitting there, staring at an equation on her paper (written out in rainbow-colored gel pens, of course) with a frustrated expression.
"Yeah Britt?" I asked, shifting awkwardly and trying not to bump against Finn, who sat on the other side of me and who refused to acknowledge my existence since I told him the baby wasn't his. Just a little immature of him, but I did lie to him, so I suppose I shouldn't comment.
"Umm…" she looked like she was going to ask me something important, not that Math wasn't important, but something Santana-related.
"… Um, how do you solve for x?" she asked, obviously hiding something. Her voice cracked a bit as she spoke, and she wasn't smiling or bouncing about like always. There was a little wrinkle in between her eyebrows where they were furrowed so tightly, and she gnawed upon her lip to the point where I worried she'd make herself bleed. One thing about Brittany, is that she's sensitive, and she doesn't deal with stress very well. She can wrangle the most unruly Santana, or she could defuse an argument brewing in Glee with one of her clever one-liners to make everyone giggle, but that was all her removing stress, defusing arguments. It's hard to defuse an argument when it's happening inside of you. So all these little external tics were the result, the lip-biting, the tensing, the pitter-patter tapping of her pen against the book's pages which made Finn glare like the asshat he is. I sent another glare back at him before returning to ignoring him completely and focusing on Brittany. She was practically vibrating by now.
"Well, to solve for x you have to get it all alone on one side of the equal sign. So since that's the only variable there, you can multiply both sides by two since the whole equation is divided by two on the one side…" I watched individual blonde hairs in her ponytail quiver as I looked over the blonde's shoulder to see her paper. Her hands were clenched in fists, the one becoming a pinked bony knot of fingers around a purple sparkly pen which she'd been using to divide out the two as I'd instructed.
"… next you can carry over the plus two and the negative three, just remembering to switch signs…" I murmured, watching as the pen in her hand tried to replicate what I'd just instructed, but the numbers came out all shaky and she forgot to put the negative sign in the right place. In her frustration she scribbled the entire question out, covering half the page in angry purple slashes, some carving straight through the paper. The sparkles and happy color seemed so ironic now. It wasn't until I saw a plus sign, which happened to escape the carnage, begin to distort from a droplet of water that fell upon the page, did I realize Brittany was crying. The violet ink dyed the tearstain a peculiar lavender color, and I heard the sweet girl make a worrisome strangled noise.
"Britt…" I whispered, trying not to make her breakdown of unknown origin obvious to the entire class. But as soon as I shifted my hand upon her shoulder she sprang out of her seat, knocking the chair over and making a thunderclap of noise. She didn't seem to notice, as the athletic Cheerio nearly vaulted over the desks and bolted into the hallway, not waiting for the teacher to even blink. I stood up to follow her, but the old, stout, round and wrinkly woman, Ms. Hagberg, I think was her name, stood up from her desk to face me.
"Only one person allowed out of class at once Miss Fabray, and unless your water just broke I'm not making any exceptions! Besides, from the looks of it Miss Pierce will be a while." I heard mixed snickers from behind me, and I couldn't tell who they were laughing at, her or me. I felt my cheeks burn with embarrassment and I realized it didn't matter. Class ended soon after, and since Brittany's grand exit people refused to shut up about it. I realize why Santana's so on edge all the time, I mean, look at what morons she has to deal with? Caringly, I packed Britt's stuff back into her backpack, not the red Cheerios standard one, but a black square-ish thing with pink straps that matched Santana's, before heading to Glee. After all, I could give her back her things there. I filed into the room, carrying both bags and scanned the room. I didn't see Rachel, which almost confirmed my guess that she left the country, until I reminded myself that it was an insane idea. I'm pretty sure I was going insane, and it was only a day without seeing her. Goddamn I'm so screwed… But, she wouldn't stray too far from her beloved New York anyway, so Israel's definitely out of the question. I can rest easy knowing that Rachel Berry is within the boundaries of the continental U.S.A. My heart immediately sank at the realization that she wasn't there, that the chair up front and center in the choir room which she normally occupied was empty, and not because I had a crush on her. Well, that's only partly true. I missed the fact that, if she saw me walk in here carrying two heavy bags she would have immediately launched to her feet to grab them both before I could even try to protest, all the while playfully yet concernedly lecturing me about how pregnant women shouldn't overwork themselves. She would then offer me her chair, simply because she insisted I didn't have to walk up the risers to get the unoccupied ones up top. I missed all the little ways she showed that she cared, no one else did that. I think that was a part of the reason that this crush I had on her was so… all-consuming. Because anyone can be pretty, and it's easy to become infatuated with someone who's pretty and that's it. But she's pretty, no not pretty, freaking gorgeous and adorable and heart-meltingly cute and sexy somehow at the same time, but above all, unbelievably kind. She has a heart made of gold, or gold stars, knowing her. Once I took a seat I realized that most everyone was there, and those who weren't seated were trickling in. I heard Kurt, Tina and Mercedes discussing the newest issue of Vogue from where they sat behind me, complete with Kurt's official commentary on every ensemble. That was normal. The guys all sat in a loose knot, in a deep conversation about their next official New Directions Dudes Call Of Duty tournament. Nothing new there either. Finn sat up front like a loyal puppy, waiting for Mr. Schuester while wearing his patented Gassy Infant facial expression. Same old, same old. Brittany and Santana were sitting on opposite sides of the choir room. Definitely not normal. They usually curled up together, practically spooning in the back row. Now neither of them even chanced a look in the other's direction. Right on time, meaning about five minutes late in Schue Time, Mr. Schuester strode cheerily into the classroom, seemingly unaware of the tension that was practically electric in the air.
"Okay New Directions! Who's up for the next solo performance?" I was tempted to raise my hand, but we were all floored when the usually passive Brittany raised hers first. I'm pretty sure this girl has never had a solo in her whole time here, and most of the other New Directions had pegged her as 'just a dancer'. I'm pretty sure I just heard Mercedes gasp and Kurt whisper something along the lines of "Oh my Versace…"
"Alright then Brittany, take the stage!" Mr. Schue, almost painfully ignorant, encouraged everyone into a tentative and off-beat round of applause as the skittish blonde strode over to where the microphone was standing. She sent a quick glance over to where Santana was sitting, who was completely obviously avoiding her eye line, staring off up at the ceiling. Brittany rocked back and forth upon the balls of her feet for a second, and I heard Puck whisper, "she's totally gonna choke." to the rest of the guys, earning him a cuff over the head from Mike and a huffy snort of disapproval from Artie. He whimpered an apology seconds later. Brittany cleared her throat a little, her breathing whispering over the microphone before she started singing in a light, soft, quiet voice.
I found the fox in the woods
she was cold and hungry
I gave her all that I could
I was sure that she loved me
and we were thick as thieves.
I knew as soon as I heard the emotion in her voice, that the song was about Santana. Something about her melancholic, slow vocals sent goose bumps prickling upon my forearms. Everything about the number, from the raw vocals, to the minimal lighting-a single spotlight on the blonde, to the sole accompaniment of a lonely guitar, served to make the performance more intimate and emotional. I didn't know Britt was such a talented performer. I looked over at Santana, who was straining her neck muscles with the effort not to look.
Through the winter I kept her warm
fed her all she desired
when she told me in so many words
I was the one to save her life
and she would never forget
and I would never be left.
I heard her voice tremble and nearly crack on the last line, and it made the performance all so real and even more emotional. Of course, it didn't compare to one of Rachel's performances, particularly that raw, unrehearsed rendition of Other Side Of The World which she did a few days ago. But then again, I supposed I was a bit biased. Plus that performance was the beginning of the demise of, ugh Finchel, what's not for me to like? Brittany's eyes were welling up with tears as she sang now, having a hard time tearing her eyes away from where Santana sat. The Latina had also given up on any pretenses of not looking, and was now riveted by the performance. I heard Finn mutter from the seat in front of mine about why Brittany would be singing about a rodent, and I wanted to kick his chair over twice. Once for not knowing his grade three-level biology, and another for being unable to interpret the song. I'm fairly sure that Kurt and Mercedes had figured out the latter, because they were trading whispered gossip and possible theories like lightning.
But then one day
I ran out of bread
and wood to keep the fire
and when I woke
I found she had fled
to the house down the river
and I cried all night
because I had thought she was mine.
The song finished with the final line being choked out by an emotional Brittany. Everyone could practically hear the tears in her throat. Not even giving time for the lights to come back on, she whirled around, the angst shining in her eyes impossible to hide, and bolting out the door. I suppose every Glee meeting required a storm-out to close the meeting off. Good to know that in Rachel's absence that her diva duties aren't neglected. I looked over at where Santana had frozen stock-still, mouth open and eyes a mirror image of Brittany's, swimming in unshed tears. Somewhere in the commotion of Mr. Schue trying to close the meeting with a hint of order, and everyone bursting out into whispers of why Britt was so emotional, and Finn still trying to find out whether a fox was a rodent or a type of dog, Santana's gaze slid to meet mine. I couldn't talk of course, because that would be broadcast to the entire club, but I screamed the words in my head, wondering if she could still hear them that way.
What the hell did you do?
A/N the song Brittany sings in this chapter is 'The Fox' by O+S, and as soon as I came across it I made the entire storyline around it. Brittany had to sing it, it was just so sweet and innocent and a little quirky. Although it's a far cry from all her Ke$ha and Britney Spears that they had her do on the show… Questions, comments, praises, constructive criticism, and/or speculations? Feel free to leave a review!