The writing in bold is bella's preservation side in her battling thoughts

The Italics side is her love for her family and Edward in her battling thoughts

Chapter 13

Edward's Point Of View

We were all very anxious for Bella to wake; she was-thankfully-sleeping soundly. I was hoping that it meant 'nightmare free, but I had no way of knowing and it was driving me to the boarders of insanity.

"Edward! Calm down...please your killing me with your emotions over here!" Jasper whispered angrily.

"I can't! I need her; I need to touch and hold her. I need to be with her!" I moaned in agony trying my best to stay away from her and letting get her much needed rest.

"Bella will wake in than five minutes and it may not be pretty so hold your ground and do not move to quickly." Alice said sadly.

Alice was blocking her thoughts from me so I had no idea what she was thinking; something about a fall fashion show in Paris. I was highly frustrated and anxious-we all were-and scared to death that Bella was going to leave me or be afraid of me. I would deserve it; I did not deserve Bella in any way shape or form, I had hurt her time and time again and...this time...was by far the worst. I wanted to curl into a ball and cry and let misery have be; but I needed to be strong for my Bella.

"Why...why...do you want to hurt me? Why do...you...not...love me? Why...did...you...? Why...am...I...never...good...enough...for...you?" Bella begged in her sleep.

I fell to my knees and cried out in pain "You are too good for me Bella; it is me that is not good enough for you, I never was and never will be good enough for you." I sobbed into my hands. "I do love you...I do...I do love you! I am so sorry I hurt you Bella...so much. I am so, so, so, so sorry love! More that you will ever know!"

"Bella...what has happened to you?" Jasper thought scared and shocked.

It sobered me up instantly "What Jasper? What is she feeling?" I begged standing on my feet again in the same second.

Jasper never took his eyes off Bella "I don't know what happened; it's like herself preservation switch was turned on! Bella now understands how dangerous we are; she's afraid and feels so lost and alone." He mumbled. " I have never felt a humans feelings so lost and devastated before; it's like in the meadow...the pain...the agony."

"What have we done to this poor child! After all she has done for us, all we ever so is hurt her!" Carlisle thoughts were agonized and disgusted with himself and the rest of us. Out of the seven us, no matter what we have done is hurt Bella.

"My daughter...my beloved daughter...what do we do for her? Can we do anything for her...anymore?" Esme was in utter turmoil that her newest daughter was in pain; Esme ached for those of us who were her children-Bella was no different to her than any of us.

"My best friend! She's gone! I can't see her future! Bella...please come back to us! I love you! I promise not to take you shopping anymore...just anything...please!" Alice begged in her thoughts.

"My baby sister...she looks so broken...sometimes I wish I was not so much of a jackass...so I could be more serious with her." Emmett thoughts were mixed with his clear as glass personality and his over bearing protective side. He was trying to be what Bella would want and what Rosalie wanted at the same time; he was so torn.

Rosalie was blocking my thoughts; she was ready to kill me on Bella's word, If she wanted me dead...I would be.

It had been only a three minutes and we had two minutes to go. "Please Bella..."

"Please don't hurt me!" A voice said. Not just a voice a thought...the most beautiful thought i had ever heard and it was begging me not to hurt her.

"I can hear her thoughts!" I choked out.

"What!" Everyone asked at once. I just nodded and turned to watch Bella

"As if you could out run me" My voice sneered in her thoughts.

"As if you could fight me off!" My voice snapped and snarled.

"Everything about me invites you in...as if I need any of that!" I laughed bitterly.

"Dangerous!" Bella's thoughts screamed in her head.

"Your right Jasper...Bella now understands..."

A high pitch scream cut off what I was going to say. I quickly looked into the beautiful chocolate brown eyes I loved so much and found nothing but fear and panic.

My heart dropped and agony ripped through me; I was going to lose my Bella...forever.

"Seven...not good! Just go away and leave me alone!" Bella's thoughts screamed in fear. I decided it was time to intercede.

I stepped forward one step and watched as Bella cowered away from me in fear and terror; her body trembling and her fists were grabbing hold of the sheets with all of her feeble human strength.

"She's afraid! Bella's afraid of us!" My entire family thought in shock, shame and regret.

"Bella" Carlisle said lightly and calmly; hoping it would be more soothing to her. Bella's eyes darted to Carlisle in terror; she didn't know where to look with seven us standing in the room. "I know you are frightened, but no one in this house will harm you. We will not hurt you Bella, I promise you." I noticed as well as the rest of us that Bella flinched at the word 'promise' her eyes tightened in suspicion. "We are going to be down stairs to give you some privacy and collect your thoughts; if you need anything do not hesitate to call for one of us. If you decided...to...leave...us." Carlisle choked on the words. Bella's facial expression changed into confusion and compassion. "We will understand and respect your wishes. Just call if you need anything."

"You...won't...hurt...me? You...will...come...back...if...I...need...you?" Bella whispered terrified; her voice shook in fear.

"No one will hurt you Bella; if you need something we will be down stairs." Carlisle reassured her.

Bella only nodded and we all filed single file out of my-our-bedroom; Carlisle shut the door lightly behind him. It took Bella a few minutes to start breathing normally again and move.

"What are we going to do Carlisle? I can't lose a daughter!" Esme sobbed into his shoulder. Carlisle put his arms around her and sighed.

"I don't know dear, I just don't know. Bella can't be held her against her will and we will not force ourselves on her if she is now frightened of us. Bella knows we will not harm her but now that her preservation button has been switched back on...it could be like this way until she dies." Carlisle sighed pulling Esme closer to him.

"There is one other angle we must address." Jasper said looking guilty. I snarled quietly.

"Bella maybe afraid, but she would never betray us!" I hissed furious.

"Edward is right!" Alice snapped "For once in his pathetic existence!"

"Must get out!" I heard Bella's beautiful thoughts whimper in fear.

"Bella wants to leave us." I whimpered.

"NO!" Esme cried out "She needs us, she is too fragile and precious...she is our family!"

"You can still her thoughts?" Carlisle asked curiously. I nodded. "What is she thinking now?"

I closed my eyes and concentrated on Bella's thoughts alone.

"Dangerous...yet...they will not hurt me?"

No stupid...why would you believe them when all they have ever done is hurt you?"

"Bella's conflicted; she knows we will not hurt her but the other part of her brain is telling her to not trust us and be frightened. It is just a matter of time before we know which side will win." I explained still keeping a lock on to Bella's thoughts.

"Bella are you so naive?"

"Edward loves me...he will not hurt me...ever!"

"Really now...is that why you are sitting up in his room? In his bed wating to be eaten alive! Why do you think you are battling your thoughts right now Bella...do you not remember your agonizing time in the meadow?

"Edward did not leave me like I thought; I jumped to conclusions to quickly! Edward has never ever, ever tried to eat me alive! EVER! He loves me and I need him so much; I cannot let you win and drive us apart! I cannot live without him...I don't know how and I do not want to live without him again. I know he was hurting and it was my fault anyways! I pushed too hard and drove him away. I should have left when Edward told me too...it's all my fault. I did this!"

"Listen to me Bella...listen to what your brain is telling you! BE AFRAID, BE VERY, VERY AFRAID!"

It was killing me to listen to her thoughts battle between what her brain wanted and what her heart wanted.

"Her heart is stronger than her mind." I told my family who was waiting quietly and anxiously. "Her mind is telling her to be very afraid but her heart is telling her that she loves us and trusts us."

I quickly went back to reading Bella's mind but it was becoming foggy like and was missing bits and pieces.

"NO!...I...need...you...not...rule...me...loves...me...need...I...want...trust...family...friends...marriage...eternity...vampire...want...you...will...not...win!"

"Listen...bad...hurt...do...not...trust...love...bad...dangerous...NO...give...dangerous...please...listen...me..."

"NO! I love him! I need him! I will be strong for him! I am Isabella Swan and I do not let my mind rule me! I let my heart rule me and my heart wants Edward! Now but out and go away. I will marry Edward! I will make love to him! I will kick his ass for this! I will spend eternity making love to the man who loves me. I will be happy! I will not let you control me anymore! Edward is not dangerous and neither is his family. Love concurs all! Now I will not ask you again...leave me alone!"

Bella's thoughts were intense and very insightful. I would never in my entire existents be able to make up for this.

We all heard a very familiar sound: Bella's sigh of relief. Her internal battle was fought and love won the battle!

"Her heart won!' I whispered happily and elated. I was so many happy things it was washing through Jasper at such a velocity it almost crushed him. "Her preservation switch is off!"

"Jasper?" Bella called.

Jasper took off up the stairs like a rocket. Alice wanted to trail behind him but she knew better. Jasper knocked on the door quietly.

"You can come in." Bella's voice said-totally normal-no fear or terror or anxiety. Bella was Bella again.

"You wanted to see me Bella?"

"I did. Jasper, I wanted to thank you; for taking my pain away. I honestly do not know how much longer I could have lived like that...it was...agonizingly painful." Bella said sniffing.

"Don't cry honey...shhhh...it's all right now; your safe and sound." Jasper soothed her. I wanted to be angry that it was not be but him; but I knew my anger would and could not be justified. "We were all so worried Bella...what happened to you in your mind?"

"Maybe...one day I will tell you, but not now."