Not going to say much for the next couple chapters.

Special thanks to HowObjectionable who wrote the first part of this chapter, and for all of my editing in general.

P.S. IDOAF

Dublin, Ireland

This time, Artemis had managed to start the car on his own first try. Kyle Murphy had not commented on it other than to say "let's go", but the small smile on his instructor's face was enough to ensure that Artemis would be in a less than thrilled mood for the rest of the lesson.

"Slowly, Artemis," Kyle said pleasantly. They were driving around in circles as the instructor tried to get the boy used to the workings of the vehicle. "Ease up on the gas a little. You aren't ready to be going so quickly yet."

Not ready? Not ready? Artemis scowled. This was infuriating. There were so many more important things waiting for him at home right now, and yet here he was, having pointless driving lessons from this annoying man. It wasn't as though he'd ever be short of someone to drive him places should he need it. Nevertheless, he obeyed the command and relaxed his foot on the pedal a little.

"Left at the end of the road, please," his instructor said. "And don't forget your indicator this time."

"Why," Artemis asked irritably, "Do I need the indicator? No other cars drive in this area. There is nobody to indicate to."

"Getting into good habits is important, Artemis." If Kyle had noticed Artemis' tone, he was entirely unaffected by it. "Left, please."

Artemis scowled, but flicked the indicator switch as they approached the end of the road, signaling his turn. He turned the wheel, thinking to himself that perhaps going along with this would get it over with more quickly. Enough to please Mother, at any rate.

"Turn the wheel more, next time. We'll hit the curb otherwise," Kyle said gently. "Think of it like a video game. Don't you play video games?"

"No," Artemis replied shortly. "I don't." I have much more pressing matters on my mind than video games, he added silently, Matters that would boggle your mind.

"Perhaps you should," his instructor suggested. "It may help you to relax. There's no need to treat the vehicle like an enemy to be beaten, you know. No need to be afraid."

The boy genius felt something close to fury explode inside of him. "Afraid?" he demanded. "This vehicle does not scare me. I have been able to fly a plane since I was a child."

They drove in silence for a few moments, and Artemis felt a sense of smug satisfaction that he had managed to surprise Kyle into silence. He was looking forward to telling A2.2 about it later, when-

"Well then," the older man said, in a cheerful tone. "This shouldn't be difficult for you. Right at the next junction, please, and don't forget your indicator."

Underneath Fowl Manor

Mulch regretted leaving the moment he got the phone call. He had decided to dig the whole way, and he could tell it was already daytime.

At least I brought extra sunblock, he thought, laughing in his head. He was careful not to laugh out loud, as that might cause him to choke.

Eventually, he tasted the all-too-familiar soil of Fowl Manor. His ultra-sensitive beard hair directed him to the foundation of the house itself. He opted to surprise the Mud Boy by sneaking in through the wine cellar.

As he tunneled, he thought about what he was going to do after he 'discovered' that Artemis was not at fault, he would have to find another lead.

Maybe Artemis can help, he thought sarcastically. Then he almost stopped, suddenly realizing why Commander Kelp told him to check with Artemis on a crime he obviously didn't commit. Trouble was expecting trouble. He knew this issue was going to get big, and he secretly wanted the human's help.

Mulch grinned as much as he could with an unhinged jaw.

In a few minutes, he popped out into the wine cellar. He climbed out of his tunnel, rebuttoning his bum-flap as he did. He turned toward the stairs, and strode up confidently. He didn't notice the small camera following his every move in the dark cellar.

The dwarf cautiously opened the door at the top of the steps. When he peeked his head out, he saw nobody in the hallway around him, so he stepped completely out. The moment he did, two large hands came in front of his face, covering his mouth, keeping him from making any noise.

Mulch was about to chomp down on the flesh in front of him when a voice behind him said, "It's me. Don't bite. I just didn't want you to make any sound as you came in."

Mulch slowly closed his mouth, and the big hands let go, allowing him to turn around and see the massive form of Butler in front of him.

The big man almost smiled. "Do you always have to come in through the cellar?" he asked. "Can't you just knock on the front door for once?"

The dwarf smiled back. "Of course I have to sneak in. It's no fun for me, otherwise. How did you know I was here?"

"Artemis had a camera set up down there, in case you ever wanted to drop by unexpectedly. This way, it will be more...expected."

"Oh," was all Mulch could say. He should have expected it, really. It was his favorite way in. Guess I need to mix it up a little, keep 'em on their toes.

He grinned wildly.

"What are you grinning at?" Butler asked ominously.

"Nothing you would care to know," Mulch replied. "I need to talk to Arty."

"Right this way," said the bodyguard.