He'd burst into the middle of a conversation. Izayoi had to admit that it was a little funny to watch everyone in the room freeze stiff, her mother and father both still with shock and Takemaru looking as though he'd just had a bucket of water dumped on his head.
But that was where the humor of the situation ended.
"Inu no Taisho," her father said, his voice squeaky and thin as he stood up. Her mother followed and Takemaru did as well, placing himself in front of Lady Nanase defensively. He was unarmed, but his hand twitched to his hip like he was reaching for a sword. "What can we do for you?"
Nobody had noticed Izayoi standing behind him, hidden by that large swath of cream colored fur on his back. She didn't speak.
"There's nothing you can do for me," he replied. He sounded commanding, detached, nothing like she was used to hearing. "But there is something you can do for your daughter."
"Izayoi?"
"Yes. Call off her wedding," he told him. "I assume this is her fiance?"
"How do you-" Takemaru sputtered, his face white, but he faltered as Izayoi stepped forward and into everyone's sight. She could feel their eyes on her rather than see them; she was staring at Togao and trying to make sense of his face, the impassivity of it, the stony set of his jaw.
"I don't understand," Lord Nanase said softly. "What is your concern for my daughter?"
"The child is mine."
The words hung heavily in the air, sinking into everyone slowly. He'd said it bluntly, unkindly, leaving no room for confusion or argument. She could already feel herself beginning to panic.
"This is some kind of a joke," Lord Nanase whispered, his hand over his chest. "She hasn't… we haven't seen you in over a year-"
"You haven't seen me," he corrected. "She has."
"My gods," Lady Nanase breathed, holding onto Takemaru and bowing as if she hadn't the strength to stand on her own. "Izayoi, what is the meaning of this? What have you done?"
"Haha-ue, I promise I didn't do any of this to hurt you," Izayoi blurted. Her vision was narrowing, the world going black around the edges. "I never thought it would go this far."
"What does that mean?" her father demanded, but he sounded distant.
"This isn't how I wanted it to happen," she gasped, choking, her limbs going numb. She turned to look at Togao again, hoping for any sign of support or strength, but he was still completely unreachable. Izayoi clutched at him, finding his arm and holding it for dear life. "I didn't want to tell them like this."
"Were you ever going to tell them?" he said softly to her, so that nobody else could hear.
"I-"
"Izayoi!"
Her father's voice was sharp, demanding, bringing her attention back to the other side of the room. His face was turning a sickly shade of red, eyes cold and hard.
"Chichi-ue," she tried, still holding onto her husband's arm. "What he says is true. I disobeyed you and returned to the forest, and- and I… we…"
"Enough," he snapped, holding up his hands. "I've heard enough!"
"I know it's too much to ask for you to forgive me-"
"Forgive you? For what? Destroying our family's only chance at happiness, or for your crime against the gods?"
"Chichi-ue," she breathed. She was starting to hyperventilate, her legs trembling beneath her, her eyes blurring.
"Save your tears. You are no longer my daughter."
Everything seemed to happen all at once. Her legs gave out suddenly, and Togao caught her in his arms, holding her up despite the fact that she had gone boneless. Her sight was unclear - she could only see his eyes, gold, warm.
But he had done a terrible thing to her. Her father's rejection was as painful as death; she'd known that leaving her family behind would hurt, that she would be sacrificing one love for another, but Togao had forced her hand and now she'd been cast out violently from them. She shoved at his chest, trying to push away, but her arms were weak.
"Izayoi," he murmured. "Izayoi, what's happening?"
"I don't know," she managed past her clumsy tongue and nerveless lips. "Let me go."
"You can't even stand on your own-"
"Let me go!" she cried, pushing again. This time it worked, and he released her; she caught a glimpse of his face once more and found it written all over with confusion and pain, but she spared no sympathy. It was difficult to move her feet, but she ran as best as she could to her mother, throwing herself before her and grasping the hem of her hakama in her shaking hands.
"Izayoi!"
"Haha-ue, please! Please don't hate me for what I've done!"
"My child," she sobbed, stooping down to collect her daughter into her arms. "What has this monster done to you?"
In her anger and her pain, she almost missed the way her mother's voice has twisted the word monster in disgust. Izayoi felt like there was poison in her veins in place of blood, a sickness in her gut which overwhelmed her. She turned her head - Takemaru had knelt beside them both, his hand on Lady Nanase's shoulder, his gaze locked on the demon in the room. His eyes were vicious, hateful.
For a moment she was tempted to forget it, and sink further into her despair - but then she remembered why she carried the child in the first place.
Togao had loved her despite her flaws, and there had been many. She had cried and argued with him, had drunk herself into a stupor, she had screamed and shouted. She had kissed him messily, passionately, and badly, knocking her teeth with his and missing his mouth. She'd loved him with every fiber of her soul - she'd promised herself and him that she would be faithful and honest and kind, that she would be his wife and love him until she drew her last breath.
Her heart ached for him when he was away and blazed back into painful, beautiful life when he returned to her. His soul was too large for his body and too large for hers - he loved her with an immortal language, one that was understood between them and them alone.
Her father had rejected her outright, and her mother believed she'd been tricked. Takemaru would not speak, only glare enviously at the man across the room. They hated him - and because they hated him, they hated a part of her, too.
She extricated herself, standing up and taking a few steps back.
"Would you believe me if I told you I loved him?" she whispered.
"Who could love a demon?" Lady Nanase replied, voice thick with sorrow. "He has enchanted you."
Izayoi shook her head. They were all staring at her again - she had nothing else to say, no other way to try to control the damage that had been done. She turned and walked away, past Togao, back through the hallways back into the open air.
She kept on going, only vaguely aware that she'd walked right out into the forest.
o0o
For a while, the solitude was soothing.
It was going to be difficult to deal with the fallout of her little episode, but she was too tired to think about it. She just laid herself down on a mossy patch of ground and stared at the canopy of trees above her, watching the sky grow darker and darker. The air was still sharp and bitter at night, but she felt strangely soothed by it. Her fingers splayed over her belly, feeling for the swell of it.
"Are you cold?" Togao asked her just before the sky finally went black. She hadn't heard him coming to find her, of course.
"Not one bit."
"You must be," he replied, trying to help her sit up. "Your lips are practically turning blue."
"Oh."
She still felt boneless. He tried, unsuccessfully, to get her to stand - when she didn't he simply scooped her up into his arms and began to carry her back home.
"That didn't go well," she said quietly. "My father disowned me and my mother thinks you've corrupted me."
"I'm sorry."
"Are you?" she murmured, her voice turning bitter. "You didn't listen to me. You just went right ahead and made everything worse. I'll be lucky if they even speak to me after this."
"They won't hurt you, at least. I made certain of that."
"Oh, so you threatened them as soon as I left? What good does that do?"
"Izayoi-"
"Don't pretend you always know what's best," she cut him off. "You aren't around that often, are you? My only friends here were my maids and my mother and you've taken that from me. What am I going to do?"
"Izayoi, you know I don't want to leave you alone, but Ryukotsusei demands my attention."
"And I don't."
"You aren't in danger of killing thousands of innocent people, Izayoi. I can't let you stay with me until he's dead and you know that, we've been over this a hundred times before-"
"Every time, you tell me that you love me and that this is the way it has to be," she said softly, not looking at him. "But I'm still alone, and it gets harder and harder to believe you."
"Don't ever say that," he replied, his grip on her tightening. His voice was barely above a whisper. "Why would I do any of this if I didn't love you?"
"Pride," she replied.
He was silent after that. She looked up at his face, but he wouldn't look back at her; he only stared straight ahead and kept on walking until he'd carried her through her home and into her room.
"You should sleep," he told her, laying her down across her bedding. He straightened out like he meant to walk away, but her hand caught his wrist before he could stand up.
"Are you leaving?"
"Shouldn't I?"
Izayoi shook her head harshly. "They know now. There's no fear of getting caught."
"I didn't think you'd want me to stay."
"You idiot," she breathed, tugging him down until he finally gave up and laid next to her. "Of course I want you to stay."
Togao sighed, but then he shuffled closer to her and wrapped his arms tight around her waist, bringing her in so that her back touched his chest. She could feel his breath on her skin, the tension in his body loosening slowly.
"Do you think I only love you out of pride?" he murmured, just as she was at the edge of sleep.
"No," she replied sleepily. "You're just stubborn sometimes. I wish you would trust me to know what's right."
"I do trust you. I don't trust them."
"Then you don't trust my judgement of them."
"You aren't seeing the whole picture, Izayoi," he said softly, bringing his lips to her neck. She tilted her head, too tired to argue. She'd been so lonely, anyway, and she craved his company too much to push him away. "I know what humans are capable of when they're angry or jealous."
"My parents could never cause me harm," she whispered, shutting her eyes. She was losing the will to speak. "Takemaru wants me too much to kill me."
Togao stilled, his kisses abruptly stopping below her ear. For a moment she didn't think anything of it, besides wondering vaguely what she might have said to deter him so suddenly.
Before she could register it, he'd moved and pushed her onto her back, straddling her legs with his. She felt wide awake out of nowhere, her heart picking up pace. He looked down at her, almost hungrily, his hands pinning her wrists near her head.
"What?" she laughed nervously. "What did I do?"
He shook his head, like he couldn't speak, and leaned down to kiss her. She was shocked by how desperate it was, as though he couldn't get enough of her. It was confusing. He was the sort of person who was run through with heat and passion, but he rarely lost his head to it. Izayoi broke the kiss herself, panting, frowning up at him.
"Are you jealous?"
"No- I'm…" he laughed, too quickly, unconvincingly.
She wiggled out from his grasp, pushing him off of her. Izayoi turned onto her stomach, hiding her burning face from him - she was even angrier than she had been before.
"You can stay by the door tonight," she said shakily. "Make sure that nobody bothers me until I wake up myself."
He huffed, a short, frustrated sound; but he did move away from her, and she could hear him settling in over by the door. She hoped he was burning with anger too, just out of spite.
A bigger part of her wished that he was sleeping beside her instead.
o0o
He was still awake when she rose, apparently having kept a night-long vigil at her doorway. Instead of the usual morning routine - in which Nodoka, Chiyo, and Natsuki would come to dress her - she'd been left entirely alone and was now faced with the rather cumbersome task of doing it herself.
She frowned at Togao but didn't dismiss him. He only looked back at her, calm and even as still water.
"Did you sleep well?"
"Just fine," she replied, trying not to sound bitter. It wasn't entirely his fault that things had gone so poorly the night before, but he made an easy target for her anger. Besides, it was nothing he hadn't seen before.
Izayoi set to preparing herself, ignoring the fact that he was watching.
She rubbed her face clean, making due with a dry cloth since nobody had been willing to brave her husband to bring her fresh water, and plopped herself in front of her mirror so that she could paint her eyes and lips. And then, having done that, she swept herself over to her wardrobe and starting pulling out kimonos.
They very definitely were not appropriate colors for the season, but she felt rebellious and so she grabbed dark colors. They were womanly and scandalous.
She very seriously doubted that Togao would know the significance of it. He seemed more interested in the process of dressing, his eyes following the movements of her arms and shoulders as she slipped one layer on over the next. It was warming up, so she would keep it down to only about five or six today, but she was tempted to draw it out simply for the sake of giving him something to look at.
But she hadn't forgiven him yet. In a hurry she pulled on the topmost kimono - this one a wanton, brash shade of crimson - and untied her hair from its linen holders. It fell in a cascade down her back and around her shoulders.
Izayoi heard him suck in a breath and release it quickly, before he stood up and looked agitatedly at the door.
"There's a lot to deal with today," she said, more to herself than to him. "I wonder if you'll stay."
"It's my mess too," he replied quietly, looking her over. They didn't say anything else to each other; whether it was out of stubbornness or fear she couldn't tell. Her ire was quickly dying, replaced with nervousness.
She walked past him, out of her room, and he fell into step behind her. There was an odd silence between them, compounded by the silence of the mansion as people stopped what they were doing to stare at the two of them. Maids and servants and page boys alike all gaped at her first, and then at him - Izayoi couldn't help but smile to herself a little for it. He must have been easily the most godly looking creature any of them had seen in their lives, and he was following their princess around like a loyal pet.
Any amusement she felt died when she saw Takemaru, standing outside on one of the courtyard's wooden pathways. He was staring down at the water beneath it, like he was deep in thought, but his eyes snapped up to hers before she had time to turn and leave.
His expression turned her blood to ice - she'd never seen so much contempt on anyone's face before. Much less his face, which had always been practiced and kind and handsome. He wasn't even really looking at her, but at the man behind her, like he could burn a hole through his skull with his eyes alone.
Izayoi tensed, ready to leave, but Takemaru was already coming closer. Togao shifted beside her, drawing himself up taller.
"So," Takemaru began. He'd sauntered over, his posturing confident despite the anger she could hear seeping into his words. "You had the gall to stay an entire night?"
"Why shouldn't I?" Togao asked smoothly.
"You aren't welcome here."
"I only do as Izayoi wishes."
Takemaru looked over to her, as though he was waiting for her to say something against Togao, or perhaps in defense of her virtue - if there was even any of that left. She nodded, fiddling with the hems of her sleeves.
Takemaru scoffed, his nose wrinkling in disgust.
Izayoi felt her face heat up. His reaction was certainly more aimed at her husband than at her, but it felt like a personal insult nonetheless. Suddenly her bright red kimono felt less like a sign of her dignity and power and more like a target.
"And why do I find that hard to believe?" he went on, folding his arms over his chest. "What is a demon's word good for? The princess would never behave so shamelessly without coercion-"
"Just what are you accusing me of?" Togao laughed, voice dry and humorless. "Don't presume to know what she would or wouldn't do, or what I would do, you ignorant little whelp."
Izayoi frowned, and then gasped. Takemaru had gone for his sword, not drawing it, but certainly preparing to. She could feel herself getting lost in the conversation between them; they were talking around her, about her, but not to her.
"You monsters are all the same," Takemaru sneered, his knuckles going white where he gripped the hilt. "If you think you can steal her from me so easily, think again."
"Steal her from you? As if she's ever been yours."
Takemaru's fury was lit like a fuse, and all at once he pulled the blade out of its sheath.
"She is mine or nobody's, even if I have to kill a hundred yokai!"
Izayoi felt a terrifying wave of yoki rush over her, tingling up her spine, and when she looked at Togao she was shocked to see that his face had transformed.
It was still arranged in the features of a man, but the coloring was all wrong. His skin had gone pale, the violet blue markings on his cheeks stark and jagged. But his eyes were easily the most jarring part - the whites of them had gone blood red, his irises no longer gold but instead a cold, icy blue. Izayoi suppressed a cry of alarm, only cut off because he moved too quickly for her to process it. In an instant he'd knocked the sword directly out of Takemaru's hands and had grabbed him by the collar of his robes. His toes just brushed the ground.
And still, despite being physically held up by a demon in mid-transformation, his expression never changed from anger to fear.
"Have I upset you, beast?"
"You must feel very brave," Togao growled. "But bear in mind that I have slaughtered armies of men without even pausing for breath. What's one more man to that total?"
Izayoi felt a spike of fear run through her, imagining how this might end - Takemaru was stupid and foolish, but he didn't deserve to die, and especially not at the hand of her beloved. She had never heard him talk about taking human life before, only his desire to preserve it, and she suddenly wondered just how much she hadn't been told about his bloody history.
"Stop it!" she cried, startling them both. "Just stop it."
"Izayoi-"
"Togao, let him go already," she demanded, finding her most noble and dignified voice and sticking to it. "What could he possibly do to you?"
He hesitated for only a second, the red bleeding back out of his eyes and his skin warming with color again, before he released the other man. Takemaru stumbled gracelessly, clutching at his chest with one hand and staring at her.
"You!" she cried, whirling on him and pointing her finger accusingly. "How dare you insult my honor like that, and how dare you claim to own me? I belong to no man, least of all you!"
"Izayoi-sama, I didn't mean to-"
"Enough."
She was practically shaking. Still, she reigned it in and held her head up high, glaring at both men.
"I won't have you getting into petty brawls like a pack of wild animals."
Togao seemed more affected by this than Takemaru, averting his gaze from her. He must have been ashamed; but she could only guess because she'd never seen it on him before.
With nothing left to say, she picked up the hem of her hakama and stomped away from them, a perfect picture of haughty indignation. But this was only until she was well out of sight; she leaned heavily against one of the wooden pillars and gripped the banister in her trembling hands.
Whether he'd realized it or not, Togao's threats had hit home in her as well. It had been too easy to forget his inhumanity - in the haze of love and desire she'd spent the last year wrapped up in, she nearly had. His fangs and claws and eyes had seemed more like oddities than like features of his true nature.
She wondered how much blood was really on his hands, if he'd ever killed anyone like her before. The thought made her stomach turn.
"There you are."
Izayoi nearly jumped out of her skin, turning to look at him with wide eyes.
"Don't talk to me," she hissed, but her voice wobbled too much to be properly vicious.
"Izayoi," he sighed, running a hand through his bangs. "I'm sorry."
"Do you think we're all just numbers?" she asked. "How many of us you can save, how many you can kill? Is that what I am to you?"
"Is that what this is all about?"
"Answer the question!" she told him sharply.
"No, of course you aren't. I've told you all of this before-"
"You think humans are inferior," she went on, the words pouring out in a stream. "You think we're all simple minded, quaint little animals."
"I don't!"
"Why don't you listen to me? Why won't you trust my judgement? Why can't you understand that sometimes I know better than you?"
"You are still so young," he said, clearly growing frustrated. "You've never seen the things I have, you don't know how cruel the world can be-"
"But I know my own heart!" Izayoi cried, eyes filling with angry tears. "And I know my family like the back of my hand! You insist on protecting me from everything, but who do I need to be protected from? My parents, who've loved me since before I was born, or from Takemaru, who practically worships the ground I walk on? Or is it from you?"
She was trembling all over, her heart in her throat.
"I'm trying to protect you from betrayal, Izayoi," he nearly shouted back. "Have you missed the contempt in their eyes?"
"Maybe they wouldn't hate me so much if you hadn't rushed in without thinking and told them everything!" she pointed out. "But you insisted there was no other choice, without even stopping to ask what I thought first. I may as well die of loneliness, anyway, since now I'm so safe from everyone that they won't even talk to me."
He looked struck, his face going pale. Against her own better judgement, she kept on speaking.
"I'm beginning to wonder if I've made a mistake. If you can't promise me that you'll listen to me, then what choice do I have? I love you, but you aren't worth living a life of isolation for."
It had hurt her to even say the words; she knew it would be hard for him to hear, but she was not prepared for his reaction.
"I can't lose you," he whispered, so softly she could barely hear him. "Humans die so easily and so quickly. I only thought of keeping you safe."
"There's more than one way to lose someone, Togao. I'm going to die eventually."
He reached for her, and she didn't run or try to escape - it was really what she wanted anyway, to be held and comforted. The thought of not being with him frightened and upset her, being left alone with nothing but his memory and his child.
"I've thought about ways to cheat death," he murmured into her hair, his voice thick. His arms were tight around her and she sank into his embrace, gripping his back. "But I can't do it forever. Some day you will die, and I don't know what I'll do. I won't lose you before it's your time."
"Nobody knows when it's their time or not," she whispered. "Death is hardly ever fair. You can't possibly know when it'll happen, and even if you delay it for awhile it'll still come for me."
"I know."
"Then why are you fighting it?"
"I'm selfish," he replied. "I've told you. I'm selfish, and I love you, and I don't want to live without you. I have never felt such an intense urge to protect someone and it terrifies me."
His admission of fear was surprising to her, but it seemed to fit - people behaved irrationally when they were afraid, and acted in a blind panic. It didn't absolve him, but it was something to start with.
She hadn't realized that he had been crying, either. Izayoi felt the warm tears on her cheeks and assumed they were her own, until one hit her forehead. Togao was shaking.
"It's okay to be afraid," she said soothingly, taking his face into her hands. "Humans spend our whole lives afraid, but we live anyway. It doesn't matter that we're going to be apart someday. We're together now."
He exhaled a long breath, shutting his eyes and leaning his forehead against hers. For a moment he was still, and she let him relax into her.
"How are you so brave?" he asked, wrapping his arms tighter around her waist. "You have no way of fighting back, and very few ways of protecting yourself."
"I know that. I just have to trust the people around me, and hope for the best."
"I promise you," he said quietly. "I won't leave you alone for any longer than is absolutely necessary."
It wasn't a perfect solution, but it was all they had.
o0o
Eventually she became used to the quiet.
There was an unexpected perk that came from everyone's silence: they didn't speak to her, but it seemed they weren't talking amongst themselves either. They must have believed that the demon could hear their thoughts and gossip through supernatural means, or else he had told them outright that if he heard them talking about her there would be dire consequences. Either way, it kept her secret safe in the halls of the mansion and out of the heads of the villagers that lived nearby.
Aside from that, Togao kept his promise. He was around during the day more often than before, and stayed with her at night - but he hardly ever slept, instead staying awake and watching over her.
"Don't you ever get tired?" she asked one afternoon, while she fussed with a piece of embroidery.
"Not really," he told her, but she thought he was lying. There was darkness under his eyes and she'd caught him yawning a few times, blinking quickly to fight off exhaustion.
"You don't need to push yourself so hard," she laughed. "I'm sure I'll be fine long enough for you to take a nap."
He pulled a face, as though he doubted her somehow. But she meant it; since the morning sickness had started to calm down there wasn't much to bother her.
"If it'll make you feel better…" she said, setting aside the fabric and crossing her legs. She patted her thighs and gestured for him to come lay his head in her lap.
He sighed, appearing to debate it with himself for a moment, before giving in and laying himself down in front of her. Izayoi's hands found their way into his hair, her fingers rubbing his scalp. His eyes slipped shut after a minute or two, and when his breathing evened out she thought he might be asleep.
"I can hear its heartbeat," he murmured, startling her slightly. "Our child's."
"What does it sound like?" she whispered back.
"Strong. And fast," he sighed, turning slightly and opening his eyes to look up at her. He almost looked mesmerized, halfway between consciousness and sleep. "It's been… a long time since I've heard that sound."
"Did you miss it?"
"Yes," he admitted, shutting his eyes again. "Izayoi?"
"Hm?"
"Life is never going to be easy for us."
Her hands stilled, tangled in his obscenely long hair. "I already knew that," she laughed gently, staring down at him, memorizing the curves of his face. He was relaxed despite himself, his mouth soft and his eyelashes thick and dark against his cheek.
"I can never promise that you'll be completely safe," he went on. "There will always be the threat of violence against us."
"I knew that too," she whispered. "You'll keep us safe, though."
"What if I couldn't?"
"You worry too much," Izayoi chided, petting his hair again. "Get some rest, and then think about everything with a clear mind. I promise the sleep will help."
"You're rather incredible, you know," he said, a little smile starting to pull at his lips.
She felt a prickle of pleasure and pride up her spine.
They had both changed so much since they'd met two years before; she'd become wiser and braver, stronger, more level-headed. Izayoi felt as though she'd truly come into womanhood - she wasn't the stubborn and foolish girl she'd been when he'd first found her in the forest.
And he had grown, too. His heart was open now, his love and kindness overwhelming.
She'd never expected this to be the outcome of her plans. She doubted he had expected it, either - his goal had only been to protect her from the dangers of other demons. Izayoi held him until he fell asleep, watching him go lax and his eyes flit around under the eyelids as he dreamed. Her heart ached for him, wishing she could give him everything he'd given her and so much more.
Izayoi wanted to protect him from his fears and his pain, more than anything else. She wanted to curl up around his heart and guard it from harm.
o0o
Summer hit its peak, and Izayoi felt the child begin to move. It was strong and healthy, and once it had discovered the ability to kick and squirm, she barely got a moment's peace. The only thing that seemed to help was singing and playing her koto until the violent movements calmed down.
She spent hours singing to herself, which was a good distraction from the silence that followed her around whenever Togao had to leave. Most of the time her maids kept their distance from her, except for Nodoka, who still came in at morning and at night to help her dress and undress - but even then she hardly spoke more than two words at a time. It had stopped mattering to Izayoi.
Her mother and father were quiet, and Takemaru spent a lot of time at the mansion. She couldn't guess what he had to talk about with them, but she tried not to worry about it. She was simply biding her time until she could leave them and live her life freely again.
Togao returned whenever he possibly could, but it was to be expected that he might not have as much time to spend with her. She could see how he carried his stress, how tense he was when he came back to her.
"Don't think about anything," she would whisper when he walked in the door, taking him into her arms and keeping him close. "Not while you're here."
"I can't let it go that easily," he replied, burying his face into her hair.
"Try," she told him, pulling him down to kiss her. That was the only surefire way to loosen him up. She was happy to kiss him until he couldn't think of anything but her.
It seemed like the more agitated and nervous he became, the stronger his desire was. He gathered her little frame up in his arms and kissed her ferociously, his one hand knotted up in her hair and the other splayed over the small of her back. It would be a brief reprieve, she knew, only an hour or two before he'd be back to pacing around her like a guard dog.
She lay with him afterwards, drowsy despite the fact that it was only late noon, her head resting on his chest as he breathed. He was quiet for a while, only tracing his fingers lazily over her bare shoulders and back, as though he was enjoying the heat and laziness of a summer's afternoon and had no pressing matters to attend to. Izayoi almost startled when he finally broke the silence.
"I'm going to take you away when it's all over," he murmured. She shifted and looked up at his face, watching him stare up dreamily at the ceiling. "You'll never want for anything. I'm going to build you a castle of your own and fill it with servants and we won't ever have to do a thing except for eat and sleep and make love."
She laughed, propping herself up over him. "Won't you be bored?"
"No," he shrugged. "I'm tired of fighting, Izayoi."
It suddenly made sense that he would daydream about such mundane things. His anxiety had finally overtaken him.
"We'll find other things to do, I'm sure," she said, biting her lip. He was still not looking at her - she found herself more worried than she had been before. "What are you thinking about?"
"There's no hiding from you, is there?" he replied, voice gentle. "I feel I've stretched myself thin."
"What do you mean?"
"There are a lot of lives at stake right now," he explained. "The lives of humans I've never even met, the army that follows me now, yours, our child's, mine."
She froze. He'd never openly admitted that his own life was in danger before.
"Don't try to do everything alone," she breathed. "Surely you have allies? Ask them for help."
"Only the ones whose land is being threatened. I can't keep asking people to fight and die on my behalf."
She sat up suddenly, surprising him. Her chest was rising and falling quickly, her only scrap of modesty being the hair over her shoulders and down her back.
"You're willing to die for them," she pointed out. "Why wouldn't they do the same for you?"
"It's never been like this before," he told her, following her so that he could look at her properly. "There was never any danger I couldn't manage. Or maybe it's just that there was never any fear I couldn't manage."
She waited, watching him think. He looked her over and tilted his head.
"I wasn't afraid for my sons life. Not since he was born. Sesshomaru has always been strong and sure," he said softly. "The boy is going to be stronger than me someday. And I never worried about his mother either, because she was the same way."
Izayoi nodded, reaching to take his hand.
"Have you ever heard of a hanyo?" he asked. "Do you know what happens to them?"
"No," she admitted.
"They have human hearts," he explained. "Human hearts, and demon blood. Many of them die immediately after they're born, because they're only half formed."
Izayoi's brows furrowed, a hand coming to cover her mouth.
"I don't think our child will have that problem," he said gently, soothing her. "But the ones that do survive face a dangerous, frightening world. There will always be those who seek to destroy what they feel is an affront to nature, whether they're human or demon. And sometimes they even face danger from their own blood. Human bodies aren't built to contain yoki."
"What do you mean?" she whispered.
"There's a chance that our child will lose their soul," he said grimly. "The blood of my forefathers is a powerful thing."
"But there must be a way," she replied, staving off a wave of despair. Somehow she knew that it couldn't be so hopeless, that there had to be a solution.
"I've thought about it," he told her. She could see that it had been a burden on his mind for some time, that telling her was a relief. "If there's a way to seal the yoki and prevent it from overwhelming them… I'm not sure."
Izayoi stopped and considered it. She knew very little about yoki and demon blood, but she felt like there was an idea just poking at the back of her brain, one she couldn't put her finger on.
"Can you… put the power somewhere else?" she tried. "Is there a way to draw it out of the body somehow?"
Togao's eyes went wide all of a sudden, and he looked down at her in awe.
"By the gods," he said, holding her hands. "I can't believe I didn't consider… it's been here this whole time…"
"What has?"
"Tessaiga!" he laughed, his face bright. "The sword that I had forged for your protection can be used to protect our child, too."
"How?"
"It works by using the yoki of its wielder, which is why humans can't use it. It draws their power into itself and transforms! As long as our child has the sword…"
"They'll never be overcome," she finished, smiling back at him. He nodded, and pulled her into his arms.
"What would I do without you?" he breathed, light and happy for the first time in weeks. "Izayoi."
She buried her face in his bare chest, smiling. It was one less thing to worry about - with that fear conquered, suddenly everything else seemed less impossible.
o0o
Autumn came and cooled; Izayoi had passed another year of her life. The ground froze hard for the first time that season and the snow had begun to fall - and this was when Togao decided it was time.
"I don't believe it will take very long," he told her one evening. She was propped up, uncomfortable in the late stage of pregnancy, reading a letter from Ayako. "My army is ready and eager to fight. I think Ryukotsusei himself will be the greatest challenge."
She folded the paper, looking at him. His face was pensive, and she knew that underneath his commanding voice and regal stature there was fear and apprehension.
"You've prepared for months," she said softly. "You've done all you can. Now all that's left is to trust your companions and to trust yourself."
"Of course," he murmured, and closed the gap between them to kiss her forehead, her cheeks, and then finally her lips.
He stayed close to her for the whole week before he departed, lingering around her like a shadow in the corners and staying close beside her at all times. She wondered if his mood affected the child's, somehow, because it had become restless inside of her. It was becoming cramped, and so the infant kicked around and shifted like it wanted nothing more than to be free.
Then, before she was really ready to let him go, it was time. He left early in the morning, Myoga perched on his shoulder as he stood in her doorway. He was fully dressed in armor, So'unga strapped to back and the two swords he'd forged stuck through his obi and resting at his hip. He looked every last bit like the leader that he was by name, terrifying, strong, and sure.
"Come back to me," she pleaded. "No matter what happens, promise you'll return in one piece."
"I will."
She felt so small next to him, a human woman beside a powerful yokai - but she knew there was more to them than that. Hidden in her tiny body was love equal to a force of nature, overwhelmingly strong, one that had give her the courage to hold her head up high through these last few months of ostracization and suspicion. She was proud of who she'd become. She was proud of them.
"I love you," she breathed, reaching to place her hands on either side of his face. "I will be waiting for you to return."
He nodded, and leaned in to kiss her. It couldn't have lasted very long, but that didn't matter - when he pulled away, he pressed his forehead to hers, and she felt more loved than she'd ever been before.
"Don't go through the garden," she said softly. "Go through the front gate and I'll see you off like a proper wife."
Togao smiled, and set off through the hallway with her following close behind. There was a heavy quality to the air, stifling, everyone frozen in place as they watched. Izayoi's parents were nowhere to be seen, and neither was Takemaru, but any servants who'd been caught by the open veranda facing the mansion entrance stopped in their tracks to watch.
"I'll return," he said, loud enough for them to hear. Then, more quietly, he spoke only for her - "If anything goes wrong, I'll send Myoga to you. He'll keep us in touch."
Izayoi nodded mutely, and popped up on her toes to kiss him one last time. Finally, he parted from her, bowed his head in respect, and turned to disappear into the forest and into the unknown.
Edit as of 5/23/17:
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