Don't own characters *yawn*
Yep, back again! I spend more time writing fanfiction than I do sleeping... Not that I really sleep.
On we go!
-ASYD-
Robin didn't answer his text that evening, and Adam didn't check his phone for most of Sunday, letting the relaxation Erin had given him yesterday fill him enough to actually enjoy the traditional Sunday movie time. George went for her bath while Adam waited to wash off his hair dye, rinsing off in the shower and remembering to re-do his concealer after he dried his hair this time. Pulling on clean pyjamas, Adam was satisfied he looked his usual 'alert' self when he returned to help his mum sort out their school stuff for the following day while she put George to bed. Pushing the completed lunchboxes into the fridge, Adam smiled when his mum came back. "So, now George isn't here to tease you, how was your day with Erin really?" "It was good, she and her brother moved here after losing their mum to live with relatives. She understands you know?" "I get it, good friends are hard to find. Especially so young and who understand such things. But not a girlfriend?" Smiling in spite of himself remembering Erin's dark bedroom and warm body, Adam shook his head. "Yesterday was only the second time we've had a proper conversation. And honestly, I think we both just need a friend."
"What about Robin?" "That's different, I don't resent him for it or anything but Robin's never had anything but a full and supportive family. Erin's dad left before she was born, and her brothers dad was in and out of their lives. And they recently lost their mother. And I shouldn't be telling you any of this because it's her personal life." His mum mimed zipping her mouth and throwing away a key, making him chuckle against his will. "I get what you mean son, and so long as you're happy, I'm happy. Okay?" "Thanks mum. I know I get quiet and stuff, I'll try to do better." She ruffled his hair affectionately, hugging around his shoulders gently. "To be honest, you're practically a dream teenager. Other boys are out getting girls pregnant, drinking and smoking and doing who knows what. You take care of George, help keep the house running, hold down your job, your grades and make friends. You were an absolute rock when Michael died and you've been an angel in us getting back up. I'm so proud of you son." Guilt sparked in his gut as she spoke, thinking of how he abused his body in other ways to cope with the dreams she didn't know were getting worse. Choking a little on his words, he managed to get out "Thanks mum."
The lies and anxiety were thick in his throat when he finally escaped, tears hot on his cheeks as he closed his bedroom door. Swiping at the tracks, his hand came away smeared with the makeup he used and it made him cry a little harder. Wrapping himself in his quilt, shoulders shaking with suppressed sobs, Adam cried properly for the first time in months. Eventually feeling totally wrung out, he managed to fall asleep. The dreams were different tonight, 'Count Dracula' who's face still occasionally flickered to match the sketch of his father from his mum was being chased by "vampire slayers", someone called 'Van Helsing' who almost killed the Count in front of his children. 'Vlad', the one he almost always saw the dreams from the point of view of, was crying as he saw his dad get shot in the chest, somehow surviving thanks to the arrow hitting a metal flask in his pocket. Waking up before his alarm was even thinking of going off, Adam shakily climbed out of bed, scrubbing his face over quickly to remove the evidence of his tears and curling around a mug of strong coffee. The caffeine didn't help his shakes, barely managing to cover the blackened smudges of exhaustion on his face before dressing and doing his round. His mum was awake when he got back, promising to make him tea and breakfast while he dressed for school. Having forgotten to check his phone the previous night, Adam found a few texts from Robin and one from George complaining he hadn't answered her game requests.
It took three attempts to do his tie, hands still a little shaky and Adam clenched his fists until there were grooves in his palms. Picking up his bag and starting to work through the texts from Robin, Adam sipped at his tea and picked at his toast mechanically. One was from Sunday morning, less angry than he'd been Saturday night but following the same theme of complaining about Erin. The last was something like apologetic, though still obviously irritated. Figuring he'd see the boy in an hour anyway, Adam shoved his phone inside his blazer and smiled at George as she appeared in her uniform. "Morning munchkin." "Morning ghost boy, are you going to send me new jewels today or hold out on me again?" Promising to do so at first break at school, George had barely swallowed her toast and orange juice before the door knocked. Checking his watch and then the clock just in case, Adam exchanged a confused look with his mum. "The Branaghs are early aren't they? We don't need to leave for another fifteen minutes." His mum sort of shrugged at him, having no more idea than he as she went to answer the door. Handing George her lunchbox and packing his own, Adam led his sister to the door. "Have we missed the clocks changing or something? You guys are early." George dashed out to join Chloe, somehow having tons to say in spite of only being apart for one day.
"Are we?" Robin was clearly stifling giggles, hanging back from the group. "Did you change the clocks or something Robin?" "It's nearly Halloween, trick or treat time!" The Branagh twins both turned to glare at him, and Adam made sure to glare at them in turn when they turned back. They'd been the ones to tell Robin they'd seen him kissing Erin. Figuring it was pointless to go back by now, they headed down to the school early. George and Chloe were ahead, but the twins quickly both grabbed Adam and grinned. "So, who was the cute blonde Adam? We all thought you and goth boy here would end up getting married and hiding from sunlight forever." Shrugging them both off his injured shoulders, Adam checked to make sure the girls weren't listening. "I'm sure anyone who ends up with Robin will feel very lucky, at least he's not one brain shared between two bodies." Robin cracked a smile then, and the twins both looked at each other in confusion. They tried to ask him again, but Adam ignored them as they headed to school, hanging back with Robin as the others went in - they still had ten minutes to kill. "I'm sorry I didn't answer your texts, I didn't check my phone until this morning. George has been on my case about not answering her game requests all morning." Robin nodded, dark gaze fixed on Adam. "So, were the twins lying?"
Unsure if he could add more lies to the ones he was carrying, Adam shook his head. "No, but Erin said she wanted to do that for ages, then agreed we don't really know each other and that we should spend time actually becoming friends first. And I told her about you, and how you help me by... you know." "And how did she take that?" It was hard to gauge what Robin was thinking, his usually expressive eyes unreadable. "Fairly well, said it wasn't her place to judge how I deal with my problems and like I said, we're just going for friends. I'm still not anywhere near able to maintain a relationship, you know that." The bell rung then, and he received a stiff nod from Robin as they headed in to school. Erin winked at him when Robin's back was turned, and Adam felt another weight of guilt settle over his shoulders as the deception built but returned a smile regardless. He was used to guilt, what was a little more?
School passed in a blur, somewhere along the haze in his mind he found Erin joining them for the walk back from school and coming over to his house. Robin looked like he wanted to intrude, but something in Adam's eyes must have deterred him as he reminded George she and Chloe had more 'cognitive' studies to do on him. Feeling like he owed his friend big, Adam led Erin to the living room, barely stopping George in time to retrieve her empty lunchbox for the next day as she rushed off to the Branaghs with a knowing smirk on her face as she waved goodbye to them. Feeling somewhat awkward, he offered Erin a drink quietly as he poured more caffeine into his body. "So, what does everyone think is going on between us?" Erin quizzed as she accepted tea from him. "Well, as it turns out the twins saw us in the park, George wouldn't believe a word I say if I were hooked up to a lie detector when she has an idea in her mind, and Robin and my mum think we're just friends." Feeling the caffeine shake through his system again, he felt a little less dazed as Erin contemplated his words.
"Well, everyone thinks you and Robin are just friends too don't they?" Nodding, Adam sipped at fruit juice to mute the vile taste of coffee he both loved and hated in equal measure. "I'm getting far too good at lying these days." Erin seemed to know better than to ask at the look on his face, taking his hand and only speaking to ask which was his bedroom, school uniforms hitting the floor rapidly as they fell onto the bed. Making a mental note to ask why Erin had condoms if she was a virgin until two days ago, Adam took the comfort she offered. Checking his watch carefully as they separated, he was content there was still plenty of time before his mum returned home. "Counting the minutes?" Erin was still slightly breathless next to him. "No, checking how long until my mum gets back from home. I doubt she'd believe the just friends line if she finds you naked in my bed." Tracing touches over the curve of Erin's hip, Adam let the momentary relaxation take him as he felt the twinges where her nails had been. "So, do you do pillow talk or do you want to actually talk about what's bothering you so much you need bruises, concealer and coffee to function?" Quashing the impulse to get defensive, Adam rolled onto his back. "Sure, but first I need a shower. Coming?" Erin grinned at the double meaning but followed him anyway, careful not to get her hair wet and looking considerably unruffled when she pulled her uniform back on. Adam shrugged into jumper and jeans, offering Erin use of his hairbrush and taking her giggles in stride, feeling her gaze on him as he covered under his eyes again.
Replenishing their drinks, Adam flicked on the TV for background noise and they sat at opposite ends of the sofa to face each other. "You can ask me whatever you like, but while I remember - virgin who carries condoms?" Erin looked mildly surprised but smiled anyway. "A girl in my year at school got pregnant, so my mum gave me and Ryan both condoms and made us promise to always be safe." Tilting his head in acceptance, Adam sipped at his coffee. "So, I'm going to guess the coffee and makeup go together? How much do you actually sleep?" "It varies, but even when I do sleep, I rarely feel rested. I work out before bed, I go running, I play rugby and I give myself plenty of time to get a decent nights sleep. It all ties in to the dreams I have." Drinking deeply from her cup, Erin contemplated his words. "What's so bad about them?" "They didn't used to be so bad, or that frequent. Lately though, they are almost every night. It may sound silly, but I dream about... vampires." He could see the surprise in her eyes, but there was no judgement. "So are you just scared of them?" "It's not that, I don't mind them generally. I even tell George a heavily diluted version of my dreams as a bedside story and she loves it. But in my dreams, it's blood and fighting and killing and I see people die, I hear them tell me I belong to a war. I wake up all shaky and sweaty, sometimes four or five times a night. I feel tight and anxious almost all the time and I have to shelve it and worry about George and mum."
"So who's worrying about you?" Adam tensed, that was the point of all his deceptions. "I don't need people to worry about me, like I said, I cope. When my body hurts, either from Robin or now you, the pain sort of tempers the anxiety, it lets me relax and feel alright. The caffeine and concealer is just to cover up that I don't sleep." He wasn't about to mention that he worked out until it hurt for the rush of pain he got, Erin was already hearing more than anyone else had so far. Looking at his now empty cup, Adam got up to get more coffee. Erin still hadn't spoken and Adam could feel the prickling anxiety start to creep over his skin. "I'm sorry if I've said too much, I told you I'm not bright and happy." "Oh no, it's not that. It's just... I don't know how you hold it together." Sipping at the dark liquid his body ran on, Adam turned back to find Erin looking at him intently. "I cope. I see mum and George smiling and doing well considering everything. I have coffee when I don't sleep, concealer to stop anyone worrying and Robin when I need to lose my mind a little."
"Is that what I am? I won't be upset if I am, you were straight with me before I dragged you to bed and kind of halted conversation." Chuckling at the unexpected turn of events Saturday had led to, he shook his head. "No, not at all. I genuinely didn't expect anything like this. I just know it gives me butterflies when you smile and I feel funny inside when you blush. But I'm basically a mess, I don't have the emotional energy to actually hold down a relationship." Downing his coffee to hide his hands starting to shake again, Adam watched Erin carefully. "Don't look so scared, I haven't ran away yet have I?" "I'm still half-expecting you to." Erin put her cup aside, standing and heading over to him. "I've got school, and Ryan to contend with. I'll take what I can get, you might think you're all dark and dangerous but I think you're sweet and brave." She kissed him again, lacing their fingers together and smiling against his lips when he returned the contact. "Not many boys would handle this much by themselves for the sake of family." "I almost didn't get to know my family, I've never taken that for granted." Feeling warm hands loop around his waist, he looked down at Erin's bright eyes. "What do you mean?" "Ever tell her I told you and I'm dead, ok? My mum got pregnant at Whitby Goth Festival, I was some sickly runty baby and it was a month before I was well enough to leave hospital. This was when my gran, my mum's mum, said I should be put up for adoption. It was a pretty close thing, but mum fought to keep me and she did. So my family are everything, I can weather a few little storms to keep them happy."
"Like I said, sweet and brave. Are you shaking?" His hands were trembling again, unable to clench his fists as his fingers were wrapped around Erin's waist. "It happens when I've had too much coffee, it'll stop soon if I stay off the caffeine." Erin pulled him back to the sofa, arranging them to lie together closely and it was strangely comforting to feel her warm body blanket his. They didn't talk much, letting the TV fill the silence as his body stopped shaking and the exhaustion started to creep in again. "My mum's going to be home soon, I should get you home before I find your sweet smiles irresistible and she catches me kissing you." "Irresistible? Are you always this charming?" Smiling and kissing her anyway, Adam managed to sit up without knocking her off him. "Only by accident, I swear." Typing out a text to his mum to say he was walking Erin home and would be home for dinner, Adam locked the door behind them and saw George pulling faces at him from the window of the Branaghs. Returning the favour, he and Erin walked along the empty roads. Once they were clear of George's beady-eyed watch they resumed lacing their fingers together, and Erin stopped them at a corner near her house to kiss him softly. "Until tomorrow ghost boy." "Very funny. Yes, I will see you tomorrow." Running a hand through her soft, silky hair just because, Adam smiled as he watched her to her door, waving and turning to jog back home. He felt a little lighter after the emotional outpouring Erin had sat and taken in with no judgment, smiling brightly when he got home to find his mum cooking steaks. Clearly she wanted to reinforce their 'talk' yesterday, and Adam wasn't complaining as he relished his barely cooked meat.
George headed up to bed early to read the new book Chloe had lent her, something mostly in Latin that Adam couldn't even begin to understand. Actually comfortably hitting the sofa next to his mother and laughing as they watched some comedy panel show, Adam felt quite relaxed. "You seem brighter today, how was your time with Erin?" "Good, we chatted for a while, drank some tea and then I walked her home." Chatting to his mum amicably for another half an hour, Adam could feel the anxiety and tiredness start to edge back in and bid his mum goodnight before she could see him start shaking again. Robin had texted him to see if they were 'on' for tomorrow, and Adam eagerly accepted, already thinking of how he could lose himself in the familiar pain. Crawling into pyjamas then bed, he sighed to himself as his hands shook again when he tried to play the games George was nagging at him to answer her on. Forcing his fingers to cooperate for a few minutes, he fumbled to plug the phone in to charge and ignored the shaking when his hands were under his duvet. Sighing to himself again Adam rolled onto his side and closed his eyes, resolutely demanding sleep from his body. At this rate his caffeine habit was going to start making him ill, and concealer couldn't hide the tremors of his hands or the occasional pangs in his chest from an elevated heart rate. Which come to think of it, probably didn't help the constant sense of anxiety. Growling quietly for thinking too much, Adam pushed himself to drift off.
-ASYD-
I think this ended up another long one... I promise I know where this is all going.