I fail at life. And timeliness. And record keeping since I deleted the list of people I wanted to thank for reviewing/fav'ing last chapter. Man, do I suck.
I have no decent excuse for falling off the face of the planet. My sincerest apologies. I hope I didn't alienate you guys. ;_;
"So Yu-chan, are you ready for your appointment?" the rabbit asked genially, comb and brush in hand.
On second thought, Kanda should have chosen the Komurins. 6 months wasn'tthatbad.
MEANWHILE, IN THE QUIET CONFINES OF THE SCIENCE DEPARTMENT…
BOOM!
The sudden noise was accompanied by a shockwave so great that poor, unsuspecting Reever fell flat on his bum, bringing all the heavy, steel tools he had been carrying down with him.
"Oomph!" the man blurted out as his cargo proceeded to knock the breath out of his chest as gravity commanded.
"Crap! Reever, are you okay?" Lys fluttered worriedly over the man's head, cursing her luck that she couldn't assist the man in any way. Damn, why couldn't this form come with hands? "Komui, what the hell was that?! Are your trying to kill us?!" the peeved golem snapped at the source of the explosion.
"I was merely trying to replicate the compound used in the Golden Pen's battery," Komui said in an uncharacteristically intellectual tone. The fact that his hat had also been blown off, his hair straitened into some gravity defying cousin of the Mohawk, and his face and glasses covered in black ash from the explosion only added the absurdity of the situation.
Lys' anger temporarily fizzled out as she sweatdropped. "You realize that there was nothing wrong with the battery in the first place, right?"
"Yeah, but it's just so efficient!" Komui exclaimed, his manner quickly reverting back to normal (or as normal as the sister-complex/mad-scientist/chief-of-super-powered-priests could ever be). "I'll never get the chance to study such advanced technology again! You can't possibly expect me not to try and copy it, can you?" he asked in the indignant voice of a spoiled child.
"Komui! We are trying to get everyone back to normal here! Focus!!!" Lys scolded. "And what in God's name is that smell?!" she added, blocking out her non-existent nose with her fluffy tail. She was referring to the cross between a horribly busy perfume department and a guys' locker-room in the middle of August.
Reever, who finally came back to his senses and dug his way out of his tool mound, sniffed the air uncertainly. "You know, that smells kind of familiar…" the man commented.
The Chinese man removed his blackened glasses and started cleaning them on his lab coat. "It should," he commented brightly. "I used a sweet-smelling bottle I found in your room. I think it was called 'Acqua Di Gio' or something like that."
"What?!" In a rare bout of rage, Reever charged his boss and grabbed him by the collar. "You jerk! That bottle cost 95 dollars!!!"
Lys, rather than worry for the chief's safety, quirked an eyebrow. "You actually spent that much money on perfume?" she asked, adding extra emphasis to the last word.
Abruptly, the Australian man dropped Komui and shook his head violently. "No! It was a gift! And it's not perfume! It's cologne!" he shouted indignantly, his face flushed with embarrassment.
"Rrriiiiiiiight," Komui and Lys responded simultaneously, obviously not believing him.
"But seriously," Komui said, switching back to his serious demeanor. "This laptop is an incredibly intricate and marvelous feat of engineering." His voice had the faintest tinge of awe as he carefully lifted the magical item from its resting place on a nearby table. "So much so that I'm afraid I don't have the expertise to properly repair it."
"Then what are we supposed to do?" Reever asked, his perfume, *cough*, cologne apparently forgotten.
Komui bowed his head in silent defeat as if to say "I don't know." His two companions also lowered their gazes, the hopelessness of the situation feeling like a 10 ton weight on their shoulders.
Silence pervaded the lab for what seemed like an eternity until Lys broke it. With a string of curses.
"Wha?" Reever and Komui both looked in shock at the profanity spouting woman. "Whoa, Lys, where did that come from?" the blond asked. He was used to the finders' "sailor talk" and all, but even by their standards, she was saying some vulgar stuff. Thank goodness all the kids were still in the library.
Reluctantly, Lys heaved a heavy sigh, burying her brief flash of fury in the deepest reaches of her mind. "Sorry about that. It's just…I thought of a way to get the Gilded Pen repaired," she said in a voice just short of a whisper.
"Really? That's great news!" Reever cheered. However, his enthusiasm wasn't shared by the golem. On the contrary, the air around her seemed to experience a drop in temperature and light, and the two men could've sworn they saw an actual storm cloud pelting the pink creature with torrential rains.
Confused, Komui cleared his throat to get Lys' attention. "Uh, is there something…wrong…?"
Again, she sighed, this time in resignation. "Not really. It's just that to get the Pen fixed, we'll have to go visit…" She paused for breath, and spat out her next words as if they were bitter poison: "my boss."
Both men blinked, not comprehending the significance of this new information. What was so bad about Lys' boss?
One could practically hear the turning of gears as the two scientists' brains worked to come up with an explanation. (A/N: For all those that don't remember, the next section is taken directly from Chapter 2. Not that I expect you to remember stuff I wrote months ago. ^^; ) Lys was sworn guardian of the Gilded Pen and its designated owner (aka Mel-chan). She took the form of a pink flying fuzzball (not that anyone in the Black Order would say that to her face); she had scared them all silly when she shouted in an impossibly loud, omnipotent voice that she would have them all dragged down to hell by their pinkie toes and that she was the right hand servant of…
Having reached the same conclusion at the same time, both men's faces drained of color. Reever grabbed onto the table behind him for support; Komui just collapsed into the nearest chair, shakily running a hand through his still-ash-filled hair.
Reever recovered the use of his voice first. "Are you saying that we have to visit…God? As in, the God? The creator of the universe and master of all life, that God?"
"Yes, that God." Lys sneered. "What part of the English language do you not understand?"
An indignant grunt escaped Reever. "Well, Miss Congeniality, how are we supposed to meet Him anyway? It's not like we can walk right up to the pearly gates of Heaven and knock," he quipped.
"Hello, I'm a guardian angel? I can make interdimensional portals that lead to any world, including God's Golden Kingdom," she said nonchalantly, as if that was the most obvious thing in the world.
Unfortunately for Reever's ego, he couldn't come up with a witty comeback, so he was forced to give the simple response of "oh."
A smirk flitted across the golem's face at her verbal victory before she returned to the crisis at hand. Making eye-contact with Komui (who had since recovered from his own shock), she said deliberately, "However, I'm not exactly supposed to be giving mortals special-access tours of the place."
"Right. Reever, you stay here and go help Johnny with the kids," Komui ordered.
"What?! Why me?! Why can't you stay?!" Reever exclaimed.
"Because I'm the great Supervisor! I can't send an underling in my place to meet God! Where are your manners, Reever?" The argument Komui made might have been taken seriously if he hadn't delivered it in his "paperwork-evasion" voice.
Reever immediately pointed an accusing finger at the Chinese chief. "Bastard! You just want to avoid taking care of the exorcists!"
"Mm-hmm, that's nice," he replied, clearly not paying attention to his friend's accusations. "Lys, shall we get going then?"
Nodding her assent, she flew over to a less crowded area of the room and floated about 4 feet from the ground. Closing her eyes, she spread her wings out to their full length, chanting some strange mantra in an unfamiliar language. Her pink wings glowed with a brilliant white light, forcing her audience to shield their eyes. When they finally recovered their vision, an oval of the same white light, approximately 7 feet high, stood where Lys had just been. The golem herself flew up from behind her portal. "Follow me," she said curtly as she quickly glided into the white expanse, disappearing from sight.
"Right!" Komui exclaimed happily as he skipped up to the portal. "We'll be back soon! Take good care of my precious Lenalee while I'm gone!" he called back over his shoulder to Reever as he walked in.
Desperately, the Australian man screamed, "WAIT!" but he was too late. The portal instantly shrunk and disintegrated before his eyes. Feeling a vein throbbing on his temple, Reever did the only thing he could: he turned on his heel and stalked off to "babysitting duty" while cursing his good-for-nothing boss under his breath.
"Okay, just one more hair tie and…MY MASTERPIECE IS COMPLETE!" Lavi clapped his hands in celebration. "Damn, am I good or what?" he asked little Lenalee.
Gasping in awe, the little girl pointed and said, "Kanda-nii-chan looks so pwetty!"
"I know, right?" Lavi exclaimed happily. "Definitely my best work ever. I should take a picture-"
"LIKE HELL YOU WILL!!!" In the blink of an eye, cold steel was once again pressed to the red-head's neck. "Take a picture of this and you'll be losing another eye," Kanda seethed from his salon seat.
Unsurprisingly, Lavi was unperturbed. "Oh, I get it! If you poke out both my eyes, I won't be able to look at the picture anyway! Yu-chan is so smart!" the boy complimented brightly.
"Baka usagi, stop using my name and give me a mirror!"
"Oh, I completely forgot!" Lavi clapped his hands on the sides of his face in false shock. Turning to face his co-stylist, he leaned down and asked, "Lenalee-chan, go get a mirror so Yu-chan can see how pretty he is~"
"Okay!" the girl replied. With the unsteady waddle of a toddler, she walked over to the mini-salon Lavi had set up and started rifling through one of the lower drawers. Within moments, she shouted "Found it!" with glee and held it out to her still-fuming Japanese friend.
Trying hard not to take his anger out on the innocent girl in front of him, he grabbed the mirror and brought it up to his face.
He was expecting something completely mortifying like a Mohawk or a mullet. What he saw was worse.
The whole look registered in the exorcist's mind in phases. The first things he noticed were the braids. There were dozens of tiny, delicate French braids interspersed throughout the rest of his still-straight jet black hair. Most of the braids were accompanied by various glass beads. The ranged from pea-size to marble-size and from neon yellow to a girly royal purple. A baby pink scrunchie gathered the majority of his hair into a high ponytail, the braids sticking out and curling around his face. The look was completed with an iridescent headband settled on the crown of his head, the color matching that of the scrunchie.
Even in his worst nightmares, he had never imagined something so…so…disturbing.
(A/N: I didn't actually come up with the hairstyle. It belongs to Rikku from Final Fantasy X-2. Google her picture, make the hair longer and dye it black, and you'll know why Kanda's freaking out. XD )
And finally, he heard it. The giggling.
All other thoughts ceased as he abruptly swiveled his salon chair to face the source of the aggravating sound. His eyes took in the six people standing there. Miranda, and Krory had immediately noticed the new attention on themselves. Hands were clamped over their mouths, eyes wide in sheer horror, but even their best efforts couldn't halt the silent laughter shaking their frames. Their faces were beat red from the pressure of being silent. Tyki was much less ashamed and scared than the exorcists, but he was trying to conceal his grin at the samurai's misfortune. He wasn't stupid; he could sense the murderous aura gathering.
The other three children didn't catch on where their elders had. Allen, Road, and Mel were all lying on the floor, laughing madly and rolling around on the library carpet. Allen was even crying, his laughter overriding all common sense.
Kanda just stared. He didn't hear Lavi's nervous stuttering as he attempted to diffuse the quickly deteriorating situation. He didn't feel Lenalee tugging at his sleeve in worry.
What he did hear was Allen gathering enough breath to cry out, "Yu-onee-chan look ten time better!"
After that, all the Japanese boy saw was red.
F***!!! DAMNIT ALL, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!?! !!!!!! DX TT_TT
*sigh* Ok, I'm calm now.
Yeah, this chapter was supposed to be longer, but since I haven't updated in 3 freaking months, all I could think about was getting something up before next week. Blame my muse; she's recently gotten me addicted to another manga and has steadfastly refused to help with anything DGM-related.
Of course, my own lazy tendencies didn't help much either. GOMENASAI!!! D'X
Since I lost most of your names (sorry ;_; ), I'm just gonna give a general love-hug to all the reviewers/fav'ers/alerters from the last chapter. Please don't hate me for taking so long. X_x