Hey guys!

Before you read chapter 13 just one thing... Today I have a Seddie-obsessed day xD

I hope it's really the longest chapter I've ever written :)

So now enjoy! x]

I still don't own anything!!!

Chapter 13

Freddie's POV

A tear falls down my face. I still have this picture on my mind. They just stand there, kissing, his hand around her waist and her eyes were closed. Didn't she tell me that she hates him? This didn't look like hate that looked like love. How can she love him? He raped her, he cheated on her and he made her cut herself. He is the reason for all the tears they fell down her face. And now she kisses him? It also didn't look like he forced her doing this. She looked like she really enjoyed it. She enjoyed it because she loves him... Gosh she loves him! She doesn't love me. No matter if she said the opposite or not. I'm so stupid! I really thought that she loves me. I really thought that she meant what she said. I'm a real dork just thinking that after all this time there could be suddenly something... Maybe she didn't even know what she said. Maybe she was just in the mood or it's her way to say thank you. Whatever it was... it wasn't the truth.

I put my earphones on and turn up the volume. Maybe I can't hear my thoughts then. Which song I heard the last time? Ah "Everything" by Lifehouse... I love this song.

"'Cause you're all I want, you're all I need everything.
You're everything, everything.
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?"

I sing low along these lines while more tears fall down my face. She's everything to me... But now I don't want to hear this song. I just look for a better one. I don't want to think about her. I want to forget these pictures.

"This time all I want is you.
There's no one else,
Who can take your place."

Okay I don't think I've got the right songs on my iPod... But it doesn't matter if I find the right song or not I won't stop thinking about her... I guess she doesn't think about me. Of course she still stands there with Jacob. Maybe she doesn't even care that I saw them... She doesn't care about me. She doesn't want me. She doesn't love me and never loved me. That's clear. She cares about Jacob. She wants Jacob. She loves him and always loved him. I can't understand it but that's also clear...

"Everything is clear..." I whisper.

Sam's POV

I ran but now I just walk slowly along the street. My eyes are full of tears and when I want to wipe them away there are just more tears. Why I always have to hurt people? Why didn't I just stay at home? Then I wouldn't have meet Jacob. Then Freddie wouldn't have seen me and Jacob. Then they both wouldn't have cried.

Again the picture from Freddie appears in front of me. He became pale. His eyes were full of tears, and he looked so hurt, sad and maybe frustrated. I'd feel the same way. He always helped me, he helped me when he found me on the street and he did this because he loves me. And then he just saw me kissing Jacob. See me kissing the boy who raped me and cheated on me. He has to be really confused, disappointed and angry. Maybe he hates me now. He hates me just like Jacob does. I also hurt Jacob. His eyes were also full of tears and he was also hurt. More tears roll down my cheek.

But now I'll end everything. Freddie, Jacob and all the others I hurt I'll never hurt again. I won't make anyone cry again. I won't do anything ever again.

Now I'm almost there. I walk faster now. Everything just can stop if I do it now. Freddie and Jacob will find other girls, Carly will find another best friend and my mom will finally be happy... but that can just happen without me. I just make everything worse. My birth made everything worse. Just my death will make anything better. Without me everything will be better.

Now I'm finally there. It's been a while since I was here. I guess the last time I was at this bridge was three month ago. There was a time I was often here. It's a place where you can think about everything on your own. Here I also spoke with myself. But then I stopped going to this bridge. I don't even know why. But I know this bridge is the last thing I'll see.

Now I stand there few seconds before I die. I thought I'd fear the death. But I feel nothing. I don't even think about what happens after my death. Do I get into heaven? Or do I go to hell? These are question I don't care about. I just want to end it. That's all. I just want that I disappear.

And so I do a step forward. Now I look down. It's not so high but high enough to kill me. I want to climb over the railing but before I can do this I suddenly hear somebody yelling.

"What are you doing?" I turn around. And stare in the eyes of the boy in front of me.

"Is it so hard to guess?" I ask bitter. He looks me straight in the eyes and what can I see? I see a hurt look. Why did I turn around?

"But why do you wanted to do this?" And there are more of my tears. I guess today I lost a lot of tears. Maybe it's a new record?

"Why? Why? Are you serious?" My voice breaks. And the person I yelled at looks at me really shocked.

"Sam..." He approaches me. I know that he's still scared that I maybe could jump... for a good reason.

"Just leave me alone so I can finally end it!" He still approaches me. Step by step he comes closer.

"You won't end anything..." His voice sounds worried and scared. Another step he goes towards me.

"Leave me alone...please." It's almost a whisper now.

"Do you think you make anything better if you jump?" I shake my head.

"I don't think so... I know it." I look up again I see tears in his eyes. Why can't he just leave?

"You don't know anything! Just come with me. I take you to your apartment and there you can eat or drink something and then you will calm down." He is just three meters away from me. He puts forth his hand.

"Please..." He looks me in the eyes.

Why he had to come? I just wanted to jump and end everything. And now this boy just comes to me and thinks he can change my mind.

"Leave me alone...please." I say again. I really want that he just leaves. This is the best for both of us.

"Sam you can't just run away! Do you really think you know that everything will be better? Are you so stupid? Don't you know that everyone will miss you? Don't you know that everyone will suffer if you just jump?" I don't run away... or? Am I selfish? No I'm not. I don't want to run away. I want that everything will be better, right?

"Sam." And there another step and there again he puts forth is hand. It seems like he won't let me jump. It would be weird if he let me. And now he grabs my arm and pulls me away from the railing. I'm so shocked I can't say anything when he looks at me with his blue eyes. And then he whispers so low that I can barely hear it "Please don't do it."

And then his face and his lips approach mine. This approaching and begging it's like the situation just a few minutes or an hour ago. But this time I just push him away. This time I won't let him kiss me.

"What are you trying to do?" I yell with more tears rolling down my face.

"Sam..." Again he tries to come to me but I just turn around but before I start to run away. I look at him.

"Jacob... do you think you obliged me?" And then I just run away. I leave the bridge, Jacob and everything behind me. I just want to go home. And that's what I do. I just run home more confused than I was before.

Freddie's POV

Still Sam on my mind I go upstairs. I don't want to use the elevator, I don't know why. I just go slowly upstairs and wipe away my tears. If my mom sees me I don't want that she see that I cried. She just would ask again. And I can't answer anything right now...

Again I can see Jacob and Sam kissing. I don't want to see it anymore. Why can't I just forget it? She doesn't love me. "She doesn't love me so just forget about her." I think to myself. But I didn't forget about her when she was dating Jacob. And now after I know how it could be to going out with her I'm supposed to forget everything?

Now I'm at my apartment. I open the door and the first person I see is my mother again the worried look on her face.

"Where have you been?" She asks. I can't answer anything right now. The same thought like before...

"Mom, please just leave me alone..." And now she yells at me, her facial expression changes really fast.

"Fredward Benson, I know about your problems and I know that you go through a difficult phase right now but don't have such an attitude!" I look at her. I know she's my mother but...

"Just because you yell that doesn't mean that I don't want to be alone anymore." I say with a toneless voice.

"You want to be alone? Fine then please tell Carly that you don't want to be her friend anymore. Guess what, she came to me when you were wherever and wanted to see you. And when she heard that you're not here she started to cry. She cried and told me that she doesn't want that you ignore her and if you don't want to be her friend anymore you should have enough nerve to tell her that on your own." I still want to be her friend and I don't ignore her. I just don't know what I should say if I meet her. I can't just act like I've never heard anything and like I don't know anything about her feelings for me. And that's why I didn't talk to her yet. And also why did she come to my mother?

"She came to you?" I ask now. Of course why should my mother lie?

"Yes and Freddie, she was really anxious about this whole thing. She also thought that's her fault... You have to talk to her." She doesn't yell now it seems like she's really worried about me and Carly's friendship.

I sigh. "Fine, I'll talk to her..." My mom smiles and then without making up a speech or anything I go to her apartment and knock on her door. I'm so scared.

Sam's POV

I go upstairs. Jacob saved my life but I'm not grateful... If he wouldn't have come I would have laid on the ground. Maybe with a laceration and there would have been a lot of blood. But I bet I would have had a smile on my face. And I would have been happy. Yeah but he destroyed everything. Now I have to live with the pain and regretting every step I do alive.

I open my door. It's dark so I guess my mom still isn't here now. That's maybe the best thing that happened today.

What I'm going to do now? Maybe I should watch TV or something like that. I don't want to think about what happened just few minutes ago. I'm such a psychopath...

I go into my room after I took a bottle of water out of the fridge. But this bottle falls down when I see what happening on my bed.

Freddie's POV

Carly opens the door. And her face lights up when she sees me.

"Freddie! I was so worried when I was at your apartment and you weren't there. Where have you been?" And now she hugs me. I'm shocked she acts like everything is ok. I thought she'd feel awkward or she'd look sad but she just smiles.

"Well, I just went for a walk..." I'm still not sure how to act and what to say but I know I won't tell her anything about Jacob, Sam and me. But know her facial expression changes. She looks me straight in the eyes with a cold look.

"You were with Sam?" I open my mouth and want to say something but instead of doing this I just close it and shrug my shoulders.

"Kind of..." I look down and try to hold back my tears.

"She hurt you, right?" She looks at me and only now I realize that still has her arms around me. And now I start to cry. The tears just fall down my face.

"Freddie, don't cry." She wipes away my tears and her hand rests on my face after she did it.

Sam's POV

My eyes are widened and I can barely breathe. My mom is sitting or lying on my bed and another man is on her. I know what she's doing it's not hard to guess but why are they doing this on my bed? When my mother sees me she doesn't seem to be shocked. She just stops doing it and tell this guy something. I don't know what but apparently she told him that I'm her daughter. He also doesn't seem to be embarrassed. He just starts to laugh after he let go of my mother. I just stand there disbelieving what's going on right now. But after a few seconds I turn around and go in our living room.

I sit down on our couch. And only now I realize the ten or fifteen beer bottles. Of course they drank... too much. I don't know how I should feel. Maybe I should feel embarrassed, angry or disappointed but I just feel the same like when I was on the bridge... nothing. I start to stop caring about anything...

And then I hear a noise. It sounds like our door. I just hope that they both left but they didn't. Well, he did but my mother is still here. I know this because she's standing in front of me an angry look on her face.

"I hate you!" I look at her. I start to stop caring about anything.

"That's what a mother should do." I say with a toneless voice. She gets angrier now. I start to stop caring about anything.

She grabs my hair and pushes me against the wall. I start to stop caring about anything. And then she punches me in my stomach. But I don't say anything. I don't scream...I do nothing. I start to stop caring about anything.

"I hate you!" She yells at me and punches me in my face. I start to stop caring about anything.

Freddie's POV

Her face slowly approaches mine while she whispers "I can take your pain away."

I don't really know what I should say. But then I see Jacob and Sam again. And so I don't stop her when she comes closer and kisses me. I actually kiss back. I put my arms around her waist and pull her closer to me. And for the short moment I let go I just say "Carly I'll hurt you..." But instead of answering she just kisses me.

She runs her fingers through my hair and the centimeter space between us disappears. And also the picture of Jacob and Sam is disappearing. When she takes my jacket off I don't stop her and I also don't stop her when she takes me to her room. I don't stop when she pulls me to her bed and I also don't stop her when she takes of her shirt. She doesn't stop me when I start to kiss her neck. She doesn't stop me when I start to take off her jeans.

And with every move we make and with every kiss of her Sam Puckett slowly disappear. I know that I still love Sam and I know that Carly knows that, too. I know that I'll hurt her but right now I don't care.

Now I know how to forget about Sam for a moment...

Sam's POV

Why didn't this guy kill me? Why didn't I jump? Why I'm still alive? Why I hate myself and my life? And why did I kiss Jacob? I just realized this a few seconds ago. For Jacob and me it's too late. I don't love him the way I love Freddie. I know I just want Freddie. And that I was just confused when Jacob suddenly started to be the way he was when we met. I only want Freddie and nobody else. But does he still want me? I guess not.

Another punch, another kick and another slap... I start to stop caring about anything.

This was chapter 13!

I hope you liked this chapter. And I also hope that you tell me what you think! The green button below laugh when you click it... Uh no wait... it's just a hallucination... Maybe I should go to bed... xD