It doesn't hurt me.

Do you want to feel how it feels?

Do you want to know that it doesn't hurt me?

Do you want to hear about the deal that I'm making?

You, its you and me.

And if I only could,

I'd make a deal with god,

And I'd get him to swap our places,

Be running up that road,

Be running up that hill,

Be running up that building.

If I only could.

Edward


My feet slammed against the tarmac as I sprinted up the hill by the small airfield. It wasn't a pretty run but soon I would turn onto Bogachiel way which cut through dense forest and my head would clear. It wasn't as enjoyable to run in so many clothes, and for that moment as I left the motel and hit the avenue I missed San Diego. The cool warm mornings were perfect for running, the ocean stretching out under the bluest sky was so peaceful even through the early morning city buzz.

Forks was freezing in the morning, summer or no summer, and so I was in track pants, a long sleeved T and two hoodies. I even had a hat on. It was still cold as hell though so I increased my pace. The sting of freezing dew in the air was painful as I ran through it, it stung my jaw where a fresh graze and a huge purple bruise swept along under my cheekbone.

My father had gone fucking insane when we'd arrived back from the Yorkie party. I hadn't seen the man in a year, and when we arrived back at the house I'd thought I might at least get a welcoming smile. Instead he'd opened the door with the usual disapproval on his face and within seconds of seeing the damage he was lecturing me wildly in his study.

"I have done nothing but give you everything" He had shouted, gesticulating like some mad Italian, "And what? You come back to town and start fights?"

"I didn't start anything" I'd pressed, "I got hit. Thats all."

"I have a reputation in this town" He continued, not even seeming to hear me, "The last thing I need is you coming back here to cause more trouble. After all I have done for you. You are such a disappointment to me, to your mother. The last year has been so peaceful without you here..."

I stood up then, and walked out slamming the door behind me and taking the stairs two at a time. I'd had enough humiliation.

I'd come to seconds after hitting the floor at the party, but it had taken me a minute to get up. I'd had to roll over onto my hands and knees and then stand. I had been so fucking grateful that neither Jasper nor Alice had come to my aid. The humiliation was enough without that. I had seen Jasper holding Alice by the arm and shaking his head when she tried. He knew me so well. That was the last thing I wanted. My fucking sister wailing all over the place and helping me to my feet.

When I'd stood up I'd seen Bella pushing Jacob back through the crowd, flanked by one of the older Yorkie boys and someone else. Black had looked amused, he had been smiling at her and at one point she'd thumped his chest in frustration. Fucker. He'd get his.

I'd just turned and walked out of there, Jasper and Alice following. Driven straight home. Into the patient and loving arms of my parents.

My father was such a prick, he had climbed the stairs after me and come into my room where I was lying on my bed and continued the bullshit.

Blah blah blah blah. Eventually I'd had enough. Just as he had launched into another reprisal of what a disappointment I was to him I'd stood up and started grabbing my clothes out of the drawers and closet. I'd stuffed them into my bag and then called Jasper.

"Get your stuff man" I'd said and he'd nodded, joining me two minutes later in my room where my oblivious father was harping away on the responsibility he had in this town and his reputation. How disappointed he was in me and the choices I had made.

I'd waited for a pause in his rant, "Six years old." I'd said, putting my hands on my hips and dropping my head.

"What?" My father had stopped flailing his hands around and looked at me with surprise.

"Six." I'd continued, snapping my head back to meet him eye to eye. "Thats how old I was the first time I heard this lecture. I'd pushed some kid in school for making fun of Alice. You were called to the school."

"I don't remember that." He said looking confused, "It has nothing to do with-"

"What I'm trying to say is," I cut him off, "I don't care anymore. I don't need or have any desire to continue listening to this lecture for the rest of my life. I've heard it enough and frankly I don't care. I am happy with my own successes, my music, my friends. I never wanted to be a doctor, but I could study, like you did, to be a doctor. So your title doesn't impress me. Not one bit. I don't give a shit what the doctor in a small town clinic thinks about my life. I had misjudged you, built our relationship up in my head and it doesn't actually exist. It seems you use me as an excuse to shout about how wonderful you are. When at the end of the day you are the same as me - a man with a job. Nothing more."

My father had gone purple at that point. I hadn't cared, I was on a roll.

"So I'm getting out of here" I said, pushing past him and grabbing my car keys off the dresser. "I have always appreciated the opportunities you gave me, and I love you - you are my father. I'm not going to stand here listening to you put me down anymore. You are more concerned with your own reputation than with your son. Good luck with that."

As myself and Jasper had driven away from the house, and from the little shocked chuckles from him, I couldn't believe I had said what I'd said. I was proud of myself but also terrified of what it would mean for my relationship with him, the boy in me was still terrified of him. I would apologize someday I supposed, for being so disrespectful but I needed to say it. I needed to get the message across that proud of me or not, my life was now my own.

So we booked into the town motel, Bagby's with its kooky gardens and furniture that sent Jasper over the edge with excitement. You'd think it was Disney land the way he skipped to our rooms.

Then I'd lain on the bed, with my arms over my eyes, trying to just calm the fuck down.

Jasper had come into my room after a while, with his usual determination to snap me the fuck out of it with his mad thoughts on the world.

"You know Ed," He'd said brightly, "I've been thinking about something all day. You know that age old thing of "would you eat your dog if you had to"?"

I had lifted my head, "Excuse me?"

"You know." Jasper had looked very serious, "Where it's like what would you do if you were starving and you only had your dog on a desert island, would you eat him?"

I'd stared at him, hardly believing he was even asking me this question, "I don't have a dog."

"Ah and you are one person who probably should..." He'd said sadly, "But its just a question, hypothetical. Do you know what I would do?"

"What?"

"I'd just knock him out and cut off one of his legs. I could cure it with sea salt, probably keep for months. He'd just have to have three legs, but dogs fucking love having three legs, they go crazy for that shit. The little wheel chairs and shit."

I'd lifted my head again to look at him, and I couldn't have but smiled, "What. The. Fuck. Are you talking about?"

"If I had a dog, I wouldn't eat him. I'd just eat some of him and then have him still. I'd have my dog and eat it."

I'd pressed my hands to my eyes and shaken my head. Then I'd sat straight up in the bed and said, "Jasper! I am trying to be depressed here. For fucks sake man!"

He'd shrugged, "I was just saying..."

I'd burst out laughing. It was impossible to stay pissed when Jasper was around. Even the look of him, such a handsome guy but his wild blonde curls gave him a clownish appearance. One crossed eyes and toothy grin from him and I instantly felt better.

"What the hell am I going to do Jazz?" I'd asked throwing my arm across my face.

"Ed, you've been at it less than a week." He'd stated, "I don't know Bella, but even I'd be disappointed in her if she just jumped back into your arms. A girl worthy of you would have a bit more to her than that."

I'd heard him move around and when I'd lifted my arm from my eyes again his face was about ten inches from mine. He'd crossed and uncrossed his eyes like a mad professor until I'd firmly pressed my palm into his face and pushed him gently back. He was so fucking amusing. He was like medicine for the soul.

"I get you." I'd said, swinging my legs off the bed and standing up. "Right, tomorrow is a new day, lets go downstairs and have a beer then to bed with us."

"Yes Cap'n" Jasper had said saluting me, "I think that is a fine plan. We can also discuss how to keep you busy for the next few days while you stay away from Sex-pot."

"Stay away?" I'd pulled my chin back in confusion.

"First rule of play Eddie." He'd said, pushing me out the door and throwing me my wallet which I'd left on the counter. "Have you the room key?" I'd nodded.

"Eddie" He'd continued as we marched down the corridor, "Let her miss you first, we'll hide out for a few days and then when she is starting to think you might be gone, we'll see her, say hi and go again. It'll have her back writhing under you in no time."

"I dunno about playing games Jazz, could I not just talk to her?"

Jasper had stopped, spreading his arms so that his hands touched each wall across our path. He'd looked down at his feet, "Isn't that what you have been doing?"

"I suppose." I'd nodded, he was fucking right.

"Hows that working for ya?" He'd asked in his best Dr. Phil impression.

"Not very well" I'd admitted as we resumed walking, "Not very well at all."

So here I was running, picking up pace, enjoying long strides against the wind. My head was clearing and I was coming to the conclusion that Jasper was right. I needed to stay away from Bella for the next few days. Give her time to clear her own head.

The universe had other plans for me.

A familiar car passed me on the road. A beaten up green Volkswagen golf.

Bella.

I slowed down as it pulled into the curb and walked toward the passenger door.

The window was briskly wound down and Bella leaned across to look me in the eye as I bent to look in.

"Hi" She said awkwardly, pressing her lips into a straight line.

"Hi" I said, catching my breath.

"I thought it was you, I wasn't sure" She was fucking blushing a little. God I fucking loved that.

"Its me." I stated, leaning my two hands on the window frame for support.

"Hows your cheek?" She said grimacing as she saw the spreading bruise.

"Its nothing" I shrugged it off, inhaling sharply in through my nose and standing up to get better purchase on the air I was breathing.

I heard her door lever pop and she stood out onto the road. She put her arms onto the roof and dropped her chin onto them. She just looked at me while I moved around, wishing I hadn't been pushing myself so fucking hard there.

"Do you want a lift? Home?" She said, tilting her head so her hair fell back and exposed her long white neck that was just crying out to have my teeth sink into it.

I shook my head, "No. Thanks, I'm not staying at home anymore. We're in Bagby's for now." I pointed in the direction of the motel. She nodded.

"I can give you a lift back there if you want" She said, still looking toward where I had pointed.

Jaspers words ran through my mind. Let her miss me.

I shook my head even though the thoughts of being in a car again with Bella were already making my dick hard.

"No Bella. Thanks." I gave her a half smile.

She tapped a little rhythm on the roof of her car and then nodded furiously as if I had just made the statement of the century, "Of course" She said, "Great. Okay." She leaned back pushing her door open again, "See you Edward"

"See you around Bella" I said deliberately. I knew the 'around' bit to be dismissive but I said it anyway. She had asked me to leave her alone. I knew she didn't mean it but I needed her to realise she didn't mean it too.

She sat into her car, closed the door gently and then she was gone. The little car bounced its way along the road and disappeared around the corner. Heading for La Push. I nearly smacked my head into the nearest tree when I was sure she couldn't see me in her rearview. Probably going to that meat heads house. Fucking animal. I'd fucking get him back for that sucker punch.

If it was the last thing I did here.

A/N -song of course Running up that hill by Kate bush!