a/n: after a while, i present: Chapter 11.

Chapter 11: Union

xxx Tetsuhiro xxx

Saturday morning, the day of their wedding, arrived in a warm ray of sunlight. The summer mugginess was still slumbering but outside, puffy- chested finches and chirpy sparrows were already busily flitting about looking for morsels of breakfast.

In the Tatsumi- Morinaga household, the master bedroom was still swathed in gloom. A fan whirred overhead and beside the king- sized bed, numerals lit up in neon displayed the time as 07:00. Suddenly, the jarring alarm broke the tranquility of the morning. One of the figures beneath the sheets stirred; a long arm reached out sleepily to silence the rousing ringtone.

Tetsuhiro snuggled in bed with Souichi a moment more before he stretched and sat up slowly. The cotton sheets rustled invitingly against his skin. Hair mussed, eyes still crusted with sleep, Tetsuhiro wondered dazedly why he had set such an early alarm.

Ahh! The importance of that day suddenly pierced through his daze and made him bolt out from bed, suddenly energized. It was the day! The day that he had been waiting his whole life for! Without preamble, he freshened up and headed downstairs to do one last round of cleaning up before Sempai's family and his brother, Kunihiro, arrived.

Tetsuhiro's nervous excitement cooled when he entered the little balcony tucked away at the right end of the apartment. Softly, he padded towards the ledge. On it was perched the Cnidium officinale herb pot that Souichi had given him a few weeks ago, as well as a little soft toy. Tetsuhiro lined his palms together and closed his eyes. The morning light felt warm on his lids, and his cheeks. "Good morning, my little one."

Tetsuhiro had placed the toy at the balcony two nights ago. He had been in Emi's nursery and the sight of Eyore, the huge teddy bear and their kingdom of soft toys had suddenly brought him to his knees. Their second child had left the world so suddenly and brought nothing with him.

With that, Tetsuhiro had picked out the softest, sweetest stuffed rabbit from the nursery and then went out to the balcony to air out his suffocating thoughts. He had wept, clutching the rabbit close to him. Then he had looked up. Looked up and beheld a galaxy of stars, twinkling diamonds shining uncharacteristically bright in the Tokyo sky. Tetsuhiro had been mesmerized. They say that children become stars when they die. He did not know which star their child had become. But dear Kami, if those sweet departed souls indeed watched over the living world from high above, then please, let their child see his toy and understand that he would always occupy a place in their hearts.

Sempai had glimpsed the rabbit sitting on the ledge and understood its significance instinctively. From that night on, the balcony had become an altar of sorts, one where both parents would retreat to when the longing got too unbearable. An altar is not only for those who have gone but also for those who live on.

Coffee was brewing by the time Souichi came downstairs, all tousled and sleepy in his pajamas. Tetsuhiro noticed the grimace that the long- haired man made immediately when the aroma of roasted beans hit him. After greeting him, he ushered Souichi to the living room, where breakfast was already laid out. A steaming cup of ginger tea sat waiting to soothe an upset stomach. "Morning, Sempai."

"Un, morning." Not one to chit- chat, especially in the morning, Souichi nodded his greeting before sitting down on the sofa to partake of breakfast. Tetsuhiro, however, was too excited to eat and so flitted around the room, cleaning up and tidying an already spotless house. As he chewed on rice and salmon, Souichi's eyes followed Tetsuhiro's trajectory. A wry expression softened his features and he did not yell at the younger man for being so flighty first thing in the morning, as he usually would have done.

A clatter alerted Tetsuhiro and he whipped around. Sempai was pale again, and he was taking deep breaths, one hand rubbing his chest as though to clear it of stuffiness.

"Sempai! Are you okay?" When Souichi stood up and waved him away impatiently, Tetsuhiro spotted two dark droplets on the sofa fabric. The fear triggered by their recent miscarriage came rushing back. Swiftly, he guided Souichi to the bathroom, where the man retched and basically regurgitated his recently- ingested breakfast.

It had been like this since returning from the hospital. Spotting, nausea. Dr. Yuki had sounded extremely perplexed when Tetsuhiro had called in a panic two days ago but had reassured them that Souichi's body needed to readjust itself to return to its non- pregnant state. The spotting was likely the body's way of getting rid of excess, unneeded uterine lining and the nausea due to hormonal changes. As a precaution, Dr. Yuki had advised them to return for a check- up if the symptoms continued after two weeks.

Souichi looked slightly better having after vomited but the anguish in his eyes spoke volumes. For Tetsuhiro, it was already unbearable. For Sempai, those symptoms were just an unending reminder of what they had lost. Tetsuhiro held Souichi's hair gently as the man gurgled and rinsed, the silence broken only by the rush of water.

As they exited the bathroom, the somber mood was so overpowering that Tetsuhiro bit his lip. Whatever spark that had been in Souichi had dimmed after the vomiting episode. Now, he was heading to the bedroom to change out of his blood- spotted underwear and pants. Tetsuhiro followed morosely behind the silent man. When they reached the landing of the second floor, he finally spoke up. "Sempai, we could always postpone the ceremony until you feel better..."

"…And I told you that it was all right." Souichi's voice was low, strained. "He is already gone. Having the ceremony today, or another day, would not change that." With that, Souichi stepped into their bedroom and shut the door quietly, leaving Tetsuhiro alone on the landing.

The papers were ready. The rings had been collected. Sempai had also given his consent, which Tetsuhiro had never, ever imagined possible. Everything was set and ready to go for their marriage vows. Everything, except the fact that they were in mourning.

Tetsuhiro remained by their bedroom door, suddenly seized by a terrible sense that this was all wrong. The excitement and joy surrounding this day seemed gaudy. Blasphemous, even. It was as though they were celebrating…the death of their baby.

That last thought galvanized Tetsuhiro into sudden action. He knocked on the bedroom door. "Sempai…"

Rapid footsteps and then, Souichi yanked the door open. He was already half- dressed in his finest yukata, the obi dangling loosely in his hand. "What?"

Tetsuhiro bit his lip as he tried to articulate the mass of emotion writhing within him. "The ceremony…is it wrong to hold it today, after all?"

"Wha—"

Ding dong. The melodious tone of the doorbell sang through the house. Their family members had arrived to preside over the ceremony.

Tetsuhiro and Souichi glanced at each other, Tetsuhiro's suggestion a sombrous cloud over the brightly- lit day.

"Good morning! Congratulations on your marriage!"

A flurry of petals was showered upon them the moment Tetsuhiro and Souichi opened the front door. Kanako, decked out in a complete kimono outfit, grinned ecstatically as she blessed them with more flowers. Matsuda- san, their aunt, was elegant in her olive kimono with geometric patterns running up the sides of the cloth. Even Souji had cleaned up; he was an attractive middle- aged man in an ash- grey yukata. Behind them, looking a little awkward and out of place, was Kunihiro. He was alone.

All four guests stopped short when they noticed the state of dishevelment of the men.

"Nii- san, Morinaga- Nii, why are the two of you still not dressed! We have to go for our luncheon, and then go and pray at Meiji Jingu!" Kanako admonished them as she stepped into the house and removed her geta at the genkan.

"Kanako- chan, there's still time," Matsuda- san chided her gently. Then, she turned to her nephew and soon-to-be nephew. "However, she's right, my dears. Why don't the two of you get changed, now? If Emi- chan's also not ready yet, I'll help to dress her."

"A-ahh…" Tetsuhiro was tongue- tied in the face of their urgings. His head was spinning.

"Souichi." Souji hugged his eldest son. He gazed at him affectionately. "You've lost weight, son. You must eat more!"

"Yea, I will…" Souichi gazed at his father, who had tanned even more since the last time he had seen him. "Thanks for coming today, Tou- san."

"I missed Tomoe's wedding in America; if I missed yours, too, I'd be the worst father in the world!"

"True, that." Souichi smirked.

"A pity that Hana- san couldn't be here…However, I'm sure that she's looking over us from above and blessing the two of you." Souji looked at Tetsuhiro and beamed at him. "So, I'll be gaining a new son today, huh?"

"Yes…" Tetsuhiro bowed and smiled uncertainly. He was of two minds now with regards to postponing the ceremony.

"Good morning, Tetsuhiro, and, err, Tatsumi- kun," Morinaga Kunihiro handed Tetsuhiro an exquisitely- wrapped gift as he stepped into the genkan.

Souichi narrowed his eyes at him with undisguised suspicion, clearly remembering how Morinaga Keiko had tried to steal Emi from him before. Noticing the explosive atmosphere, Tetsuhiro tugged at Souichi's hand beseechingly. "Sempai, Nii- san—he's helped me understand many things. He made me see things clearly when we were fighting that time…so, could you not be so hard on him?"

Souichi sent another level gaze at Kunihiro before he turned away and walked inside the house with his father. Tetsuhiro smiled at his brother ruefully. "Nii- san, thanks for coming today. How have you and Masaki- san been?"

"As well as we could be," Kunihiro replied genially. A softness entered his voice at the mention of Masaki Junya. "He sends his well- wishes, Tetsuhiro."

"That's good to hear," Tetsuhiro said gratefully. When he heard his name being called, he glanced back. "Yes, Kanako- chan?"

"Morinaga—Nii- san, come on!" As energetic as ever, Kanako beckoned for Tetsuhiro and Souichi to follow her upstairs. "Man, guys are so sloppy with everything! This is your own marriage ceremony, people! Quickly, go and get dressed!"

Tetsuhiro and Souichi soon found themselves back in their bedroom. When Kanako demanded to know where Emi's dress was, Tetsuhiro could only point haplessly towards the nursery. After instructing them to be dressed and ready in fifteen minutes, the young sergeant marched off to find her niece.

Now that their bedroom was peaceful once again, Tetsuhiro did not know quite how to face his lover. Souichi was staring at him with the steady, piercing gaze that seemed to be able to peer right into Tetsuhiro's soul. He paced towards the table, where the adoption papers were kept but stopped short of taking them out. Agitatedly, he then circled the bed, not knowing where to place himself. His own yukata hung in front of the wardrobe, ice- grey and silver to match Souichi's navy blue.

"Are you thinking of unnecessary stuff again, Morinaga?" Souichi's golden eyes were orbs of fire.

"Unnecess—no, Sempai!" Tetsuhiro huffed, unsure of how to explain himself. In normal circumstances, he would have been the one hounding Sempai to marry him! Yet, these were no ordinary circumstances…

"Is it because of the…miscarriage?" The last word slipped out of Souichi like a sigh. The man suddenly looked too thin in his graceful yukata. Those winged eyes fluttered shut wearily and then opened again. "I told you, it doesn't make a differen—"

"—It does! Sempai, how could you say that there wouldn't be a difference? Look at you, at us! Do you seriously think that we are—are whole and happy enough to go through with the marriage? I don't want to sign the papers perfunctorily!"

"Tch—!" Souichi raked a hand impatiently through his hair. "What the hell are you bullshitting about, Morinaga?! It's just signing the papers; did you have to make a big deal out of it?"

"But it is a big deal—!"

"Just sign them and get this shit out of the way! Fuck it. I'm already having it up till here with the fucked up sabotage and the miscarriage. Then this—!" Souichi spat. He whipped the folds of the yukata around his body and then tightened the obi aggressively. Each movement was irate, frustrated.

This shit…? Souichi's words were like a slap to Tetsuhiro's face. He sank on the bed, the sense of betrayal slicing through his heart. "Sempai, so you think that the adoption is just—just some shitty thing to deal with? Then why did you give me the briefcase? The plant? Kami…"

Souichi froze as he belatedly realized just how severe he had sounded. "No, I didn't mean that. I just—I only meant that there's been so much shit going on and it's fucked up our lives! Why the fuck should our plans go awry?"

By this time, Souichi was breathing harshly and he had turned even paler. Nonetheless, he marched over to Tetsuhiro and forced the younger man to look at him. Tetsuhiro did so petulantly, his eyes shining with tears. "Losing the baby has been fucked up enough. Do you want this thing…this thing going on for us to disappear, too?"

Tetsuhiro shook his head vehemently. "No!"

"Then? Why the fuck are we fighting about this, now? Goddamnit!" Suddenly, Souichi's face contorted and he clutched at his abdomen. "Wh—"

"Sempai!"

Fortunately, Tetsuhiro caught Souichi before his knees buckled. Swiftly, he manoeuvred the man onto the bed and got him to lie down. Cold sweat had broken over Souichi's skin and he only shook his head stiffly when Tetsuhiro tried to soothe his stomach. "Don't touch—hurts…"

"Okay, I won't…" Tetsuhiro turned to stroke Souichi's brow instead, wondering anxiously if miscarriage was supposed to wreck so much havoc on the body in its aftermath. "… How are we going to survive this, Sempai?"

"B-bloody hell. I won't lose …" Souichi gritted out. His free hand he gripped onto Tetsuhiro's and squeezed. "You, too, idiot!"

That stubborn insistence was what finally coaxed a smile out of Tetsuhiro. Kami, this man. Sempai had always barreled through the greatest obstacles with his tenacity and fearlessness. He instilled in Tetsuhiro newfound courage. Amidst the troubles and sorrows, could they rise above them and find happiness? Tetsuhiro glanced tenderly at Souichi. With this man, he probably could. "Sempai, I love you. I really do."

Souichi glared tiredly at Tetsuhiro. "What's with the confession now? Weren't you just resisting the idea of getting married?" The cramp finally seemed to be receding and he relaxed slightly against Tetsuhiro. His sweaty brow was cool against Tetsuhiro's wrist.

"I just felt like we were letting our baby down, celebrating a joyous occasion when we had just lost him…" Tetsuhiro murmured. He battled down the sour tinge in his nose. Kami, he missed him so much… "I don't want him to think that we didn't want him, y-you know?"

"I know…" The same ache echoed in Souichi's voice. "…I'm going to nail the bastard who took him away, Morinaga. I will."

The tangle of emotion finally loosened in Tetsuhiro's chest. He sniffed several times before smiling tremulously at Souichi.

"…Do you want to change into your yukata now?" Souichi wiped an errant tear from Tetsuhiro's cheek as he asked the question quietly.

"...Yes." This time, the doubt was gone. "However," Tetsuhiro studied Souichi's pale face worriedly, "let's keep the celebrations at home? I don't think you should be moving about. And, I think that we have to tell our families about the miscarriage. It's only right."

"I guess we'd have to." Souichi sighed. He frowned again.

Tetsuhiro knew that he was deeply troubled by the fact that they were going to cause his family worry. He squeezed Souichi's hand reassuringly and said, "We'll be facing this together, Sempai."

"And so, that's what happened in the last few weeks…" Tetsuhiro finished.

All of them were in the kitchen, seated at the dining table. A pot of tea sat barrenly in the middle. There was a shroud of silence after he had finished narrating the events up till the present day. Tetsuhiro sipped his tea in an attempt to calm down and noticed that Souichi was similarly wound up, though his face was expressionless.

"I'm sorry to drop all these on you today," Souichi finally said. He gazed quietly at his family, taking in their somber and stunned expressions.

Souji was the first to react. He grasped Souichi's and Tetsuhiro's hands. "I'm sorry that both of you had to face this alone."

"Yes, so am I…And, we are family, Sou- kun. Don't think that you are burdening us, you hear?" Matsuda- san's scolding could not have been gentler.

"Yea…" Kanako sniffled. Her effervescence had fizzed out significantly but her protectiveness of her brother shone ever brighter. She stepped out from her seat, padded over to Souichi. With all her might, she hugged him. "I would have loved him, too, Nii- san. Or her. We would all have."

Kunihiro's lips were drawn in a thin line; he looked pale and shocked. Seated beside Tetsuhiro, he clapped a reassuring hand over his brother's shoulder in silent support. Tetsuhiro nodded numbly, his head bowed.

xxx Souichi xxx

After the somberness of earlier, the topic turned once more to the signing of the adoption papers. It was, after all, the main focus of the day. Souichi and Morinaga had finally changed into their formal wear and even Emi was a pretty little doll in her baby- sized kimono. Souichi carried her downstairs and Kanako immediately took out her Polaroid to snap a picture of the family of three in their finest.

"Nii- san, could you stand there, yes, by the staircase? Morinaga- Nii, you too! Quickly!"

"Why are you taking photos?" Nonplussed, Souichi had to be pulled into position by his kouhai. Emi merely sucked happily on her thumb and chuckled happily.

"It's to commemorate today, of course!"

"Kanako- chan, help us take many photos, okay?" Morinaga called out. His good spirits had been restored and now, Souichi could only detect light- hearted joy from him. He took note of that, satisfied. When Kanako lifted the camera, he stood dutifully by his family.

"You look good, Sempai," Morinaga said sincerely. The younger man's eyes roved admiringly over Souichi's shiny tresses and the striking figure that he cut in his navy blue yukata and maroon obi. "It's not often that I get to see you in yukata."

The damned man was obviously conjuring up various…images in his mind. Souichi flushed, those same visions materializing in his brain. Stupid Morinaga! He realised that his kouhai was leaning closer and immediately used Emi as a shield. "Carry Emi, you big pervert!"

"Ehh, but I didn't do anything…?" Bemused, Morinaga nevertheless hefted Emi into his arms and snuggled her happily. The baby removed her thumb from her mouth and patted Morinaga on the chin, effectively smearing him with saliva. Morinaga was instantly distracted. "Emi- chan! Look what you've done to Papa!"

Souichi smirked. He had Emi as an ally. He was about to follow Kanako to the kitchen when he paused. There was somewhere that he wanted to go to, first. With a sweep of his yukata, he strode towards the balcony.

Morinaga seemed to have the same sentiments, for the man appeared behind Souichi not a minute later. Emi was still in his arms. Together, they gazed at the herb pot, and the little stuffed rabbit.

A cramp zipped through his abdomen but it was not alarmingly painful. Resigned to his body's motions, Souichi said one last silent prayer and then glanced at his husband- to- be. "Let's go, Morinaga."

"Yes…"

A festive atmosphere had finally made its presence known in the kitchen. There, Matsuda- san and Kanako had taken out the wedding gifts and symbolic foods that they had brought from Nagoya. Tomoe had sent his well- wishes as well and his gift had also been presented. The adoption papers had been placed ceremoniously on a lacquered board, and their seals were positioned neatly beside an inkpad.

Matsuda- san sat at the head of the table, as regal as a queen in her olive and gold kimono and bunned- up hair. Souji, Kanako and Kunihiro were similarly proper, carrying out their duties as witnesses to the T.

When the men were seated, Matsuda- san picked up the sheath of papers and turned them to the last page. She then placed them down again, her movement measured and deliberate, heavy with meaning. "Gentlemen, are you ready?"

"Yes," Morinaga breathed out. He glanced at Kunihiro and then at Souichi, his bottle- green eyes holding just a little hint of uncertainty.

Knowing that the cause of Morinaga's insecurity lay in his own belligerent and ambiguous attitude, Souichi took a deep breath and searched deep into himself. Was this union with his kouhai something that he truly wanted? For the sake of himself and Morinaga, he had to be certain.

There was peace in his heart. It was the same, unshakable conviction that he had felt the first time he told Morinaga to stay. This, was something that he wanted to do. Souichi nodded at Matsuda- san and she beamed.

"This document lists out the clauses that govern the adoption of an adult into the family register. Officially, it will mean that Morinaga- kun would take on the Tatsumi surname and be a part of our family. Unofficially, it will also signify a union equivalent to marriage. If you are certain that you have fully understood the clauses and their implications, then, please stamp your name on the lines below.

"I understand, and… I agree to the adoption." Morinaga was visibly nervous now. Without hesitation, he dabbed his seal against the inkpad, stained it crimson. Souichi did the same; he was acutely aware of Morinaga's gaze on him the whole time as he did so.

"I understand the contents and I agree to all the conditions and implications," Souichi murmured. He felt more than saw Morinaga's entire figure relax. Now, joy fairly radiated from the other man. A hand brushed his under the table, a light touch. It sent electricity jolting through Souichi.

"Good! If that's the case, Morinaga- kun, please sign on the left, and Sou- kun, please sign on the right."

The act was done in a matter of seconds. After they lifted the seals off of the paper, their names glistened, blood- red, against the snowy whiteness of the canvas. The papers, prepared more than eight months ago, had finally been placed into effect. It was the most important piece of document that they had signed together. Souichi placed his seal down, noticing that he was trembling slightly. They had done it.

"I now declare you married in the eyes of the law." Matsuda- san was as proud as any mother could be.

"Congratulations, son. Tetsuhiro—I'll call you that from now on—welcome to the family," Souji shook their hands warmly, his tawny eyes smiling slits. "I'll leave Souichi in your care, then. Be good to each other."

"I will, Tat—Father."

"Nii- san, you'll have to call Tetsuhiro- Nii by his first name, now!" Kanako teased gleefully.

Souichi blinked as Kanako's words sank in. At his sister-in-law's cue, Morinaga also turned to him and said, a little playfully, "Sempai, do you want to call me by my first name…?"

"What?!"

"Tetsuhiro-Nii's already entered our family register! So of course you shouldn't call him by his old family name anymore!"

"Err—err—" He had been calling his kouhai by his family name for years! Souichi rolled the younger man's first name on his tongue but it merely got tangled up. "It's weird!"

"Ehhhh—" Kanako shook her head at her brother's obtuseness. He had just basically insulted his new husband's name. "Come on, Nii- san!"

"It's okay, Sempai. After all, you've called me 'Morinaga' for six years. Just continue with that, yeah? I don't mind…" Morinaga's tone was disheartened but he had clearly decided not to inconvenience Souichi.

Souichi caught the slight dip in Morinaga's joviality immediately. Once again, as it did every time he was the cause, he felt a pang of guilt reverberate through his heart. However, using the man's first name was difficult not only because he did not have the habit, but also because it suggested an intimacy that he had not associated with Morinaga. He had never called anyone by their first names before, save for his family members.

Then it occurred to him. Morinaga was family, now.

So this was the power of bonds, the reason people got married. It was because strangers could become family. With family, one's dealings with them changed, became more responsible, more considerate. Little things that had not mattered now took on new significance. Morinaga was now in his most intimate circle, somebody closer to him than even his siblings.

Souichi gulped. Calling Morinaga by his first name carried such implications. By rejecting the gesture, it would seem to Morinaga that he had not fully accepted him in his new position, yet. Kami. No surprises why the man had seemed let down, then.

Having worked through all of that, Souichi finally put down his pride and decided to give this first- name routine a try. "Tets—"

"—Ah, Sempai. I almost forgot!" Morinaga interrupted, completely oblivious to Souichi's frustration when he was cut off. The younger man took a box out from the folds of his yukata and then placed it on the table with a flourish. The box was striking in its turquoise and silver packaging. Embossed on the surface were the words 'Tiffany & Co.'.

"Tiffany! Tetsuhiro- Nii, what did you get from that beautiful store!" Kanako squealed. Like a magpie, she waited eagerly for the revelation of sparkling gemstones.

The century- old store did not disappoint. Inside the satin box, two platinum rings sat side- by- side. The embedded diamonds were stars that twinkled enchantingly as Morinaga lifted the smaller ring up and regarded Souichi.

"Sempai, could I put this ring on for you?"

At Morinaga's solemn tone, Souichi's heart tripped a beat. He had never been one for accessories, much less diamonds, but this ring was no ordinary accouterment. Morinaga was smiling at him quietly; affection shoned so nakedly in his eyes that Souichi was humbled. All of his love, for a lifetime. "Yea…"

The band was slipped onto his finger and there it sat, perfectly snug, as though it had just been waiting for Souichi. He lifted it up and felt its weight, its responsibility. His throat suddenly felt dry.

"…Would you put mine on for me?" Morinaga murmured. His eyes were slightly reddened but a most beatific smile was on his face.

"Y—" Souichi coughed; his voice had somehow snagged in his throat. "Yea…" Mirroring his husband, he took the remaining ring and then slid it through Morinaga's finger. It was such a simple gesture. Yet, Souichi knew the instant when Morinaga experienced the same revelation as he had. He jolted when the younger man took his hand and squeezed it.

"I love you." Direct and unadorned, Morinaga offered up his heart. With a movement that was as natural as breathing, he took Souichi into his arms.

Peace as comforting as the downiest quilt settled upon Souichi and his body instinctively adjusted to fit perfectly with Morinaga's. Suffused in his husband's warmth, his scent and his weight, Souichi clung on tightly. Softly, he breathed out his reply against Morinaga's nape. He knew that it had been heard when the man's heartbeat tripled.

Kanako's Polaroid flashed again when they shared their first kiss as husband and husband.

To be continued.