Chapter Thirteen: Occupying the same space.
Booth is standing beside her and his grip on her hand is firm, warm and confident, but his respirations are shallow and somewhat fast and this tells her she's not alone in feeling excited and nervous and almost high with anticipation.
Today has been amazing so far. She got up at 5am when she woke and realized that sleep would only elude her if she tried to remain in bed, so she'd showered, dressed and forced some coffee down her throat. She'd thought she might arrive at the reflecting pool ahead of Booth, but in the end when she got close she'd seen him waiting for her.
The sight of him in his fatigues again had set her heart racing, for a split second she had been afraid something had happened and the Army had recalled him, and then almost immediately she'd understood his intention. He was trying to tell her he'd come home . . . home at last because he had returned to her.
Her vision had blurred and her throat closed up, then her gaze had locked with his and suddenly she couldn't reach him fast enough. She'd broken into a sprint and didn't stop until she collided with the solid mass of his body as she'd sprung into his arms and grabbed on tight.
She'd intended to tell him she loved him today, to ask him to forgive her for screwing everything up between them, as soon as her arms locked around him the words had spilled out, her heart unable to contain them anymore. Over and over the words 'love you, forgive me, love you, forgive me . . .' until she'd registered a gentle hand stroking her hair to soothe her and his nickname for her breathed softly in her ear.
Then she'd suddenly and desperately needed to see his face and when she'd pulled back to look at him the soft smile and the love in his eyes had her breaking into an answering smile as she'd told him again.
That was an hour ago, now they're riding the elevator to her apartment and all she can think of is that maybe today, maybe right now; he'll teach her about breaking the laws of physics so they can occupy the same space together. She's never wanted to learn something more than this, and never wanted a man as she wants him, with an intensity that borders both desperation and need.
It's scary as hell but she's bound and determined that she's through running from life's scary, messy emotions. If she's willing to kill for Booth, to lie for him . . . die for him . . . then being willing to risk her heart for him is something she has to do.
They reach the door to her apartment and though she fumbles her keys she manages the lock easily enough and when Booth engages the deadbolt behind them she can't help but smile.
'Turn off your cell phone and unplug your landline.' His voice his firm.
'What about your cell?'
'It's off already. Today is for us Bones . . . no interruptions.'
The look in his eyes dares her to refuse him, and then he takes her hand again and pulls her over to her couch. 'We need to talk about this Temperance . . . before this goes any further, before we take that next step; we need to tell each other about the last year.'
He takes a seat beside her, close but not more so than normal.
She nods. 'You go first Booth.'
His hand comes up to cradle her face, he strokes the smooth skin of her temple and brushes an errant strand of hair out of her eyes and then he begins. He tells her how he's re-lived that night he first asked her to take a chance on them a thousand times, how for so many months he just wished he could rewind their lives and erase the whole thing. He tells her that though he tried to hide it, to make it easier for her, she broke his heart when she agreed with him that he needed to move on. He tells her there was never a moment that he stopped loving her, wanting her, that though he honestly tried to make a go of it with Hannah he knew deep down in his soul someplace that what he was trying to do would not succeed. He tells her about his dreams, about their daughter and how the day he dreamt of her birth was the day he ended it with Hannah. 'A life with you Bones . . . this is the only life I want.'
Then he tells her he's so sorry he didn't have the courage to wait it out, that he should have held tight to his belief in them, and come home ready to see what changes a year might have wrought for her, how knowing now that he caused her months of pain kills him . . . and here she stops him, tells him soundly. 'You will not blame yourself for any of this Booth . . . you have more courage than anyone I've ever met . . . yes the last few months have been hell, yes it was killing me to think I might have missed my chance, but I needed to pay that price Booth, I had to pay it for ruining everything that night. We're here now Booth, and in the end that's all that matters anymore . . . to be here now.'
There are tears in her eyes as she begins her half of the story. She tells him how the night she turned him down she'd told herself she was protecting him, but that she saw through her own lies quickly enough. She tells him how much she missed him, how everything she discovered in Maluku felt hollow because she couldn't share it with him. She tells him about Daisy, how observing the intern's heartbreak helped her understand her own.
How she worried about his safety almost every moment and how she missed her old life and their partnership so badly it hurt. How the depth of her longing to return to both helped her truly see what he meant to her. How though she's never felt this way before she knows this is love that she feels for him because he's more important to her than anyone else, anything else, she's just sorry it took her so long to figure it out.
He silences the rush of her words with a finger on her lips.
'No sorry. No regrets. All that matters is that you want this as much as I do . . . right?' It's a question, but the look on his face tells her he does not doubt her answer.
She nods. 'I want it.'
His smile is so brilliant, so bright; it feels like her heart misses a beat in her chest. 'What do want to do now? I mean this is a huge step for us, shall we just hang out today or do you want to go someplace?'
She scoots closer to him on the couch. 'I want you.' She tells him.
He looks suddenly nervous, 'Want me as in . . . '
'I want you to take me to bed Booth. I need to be with you.'
'Now?'
She nods. 'Right now.'
'Bones are you sure? We can't un-cross this line, this changes everything forever.'
'I'm sure Booth. We need this.'
He looks into her eyes as if he's trying to search out any hidden doubts, and silence reigns between them as she lets him look his fill. Finally he makes a decision and standing he takes her hand and pulls her up and into his arms. He kisses her, slow and deep and thoroughly, and when they're both breathless he picks her up and carrying her as if she weighs nothing he heads for her bedroom.