Chapter 13

Once again, Sam spent the weekend with her daughter in Denver. Though she arrived just before lunch on Saturday, they still made the best out of it and Sam felt truly refreshed to start this weeks work. Hopefully it was less eventful than the two previous ones, because she was sure General Hammond wouldn't and above all couldn't allow her to avoid The Talk much longer. Then there was Jake. His behaviour was slightly off, as if he knew something special but wouldn't share it with her, although he'd really, really loved to do just that. Oh well, she'd have to wait and see.

Strangely enough, Monday came and went without anything bad happening. She even managed to finish some things up, spent a pleasant lunch with the rest of her team and … was still delaying The Talk. Lunch would have been a good opportunity to simply invite the guys over for some food, some fun, some serious talking. But no, she chickened out. Again. Angry with herself, Sam went by the infirmary to talk to Janet. Unfortunately she was pretty busy, but seeing the distress Sam was in, invited her over for dinner so they could figure out a way to make it easier on Sam.

In the end it's always nice to have a plan, but unfortunately something else, something unexpected, tended to get in the way.

By Tuesday afternoon, Sam had finally accomplished the simple task to invite the guys over to her place and she was quite pleased with herself. Not that she had problems with the invitation itself, no, the problem was the implication of it. She was still afraid of their reactions - especially Daniel's as he'd probably be less than pleased to learn that Sam left her daughter with foster parents, even after she knew what happened to him - but finally managed to truly believe that it would be alright. Eventually.

By Wednesday morning they had an asteroid heading to Earth, capable of destroying every single life-form on it. Including Caity.

Once again she was asked to do the impossible. Once again she had no choice but to succeed. For Caity.

By Wednesday afternoon they were heading to Revanna, to hopefully save Earth once again. Save Caity.

By Thursday afternoon the cargo ship on Revanna was more or less flying again and they were heading back to Earth. To Caity.

xoxoxoxoxo

For the first three days Sam basically lived in the cargo ship's engine room to finish the last repairs and was at the same time keeping a close eye on the hyper drive. They just couldn't effort to lose it, because if they did, SG-1 wouldn't need to bother to get back to Earth, as there would be nothing left to get back to in the first place.

But by Monday morning Jack finally had enough.

"Good morning … Carter!" he said cheerfully while entering the engine room. "Sleep well?" he continued, knowing that she hadn't slept for more than an hour.

"Yeah. Sure," Sam replied with a slight sarcastic note in her voice.

Sighing, Jack started again on a more subdued tone, "Carter, why don't you take a break and get some sleep?"

"That won't be necessary, sir. I'm fine. And I need to be here to watch over the hyper drive," she replied defensively. Not that she'd be able to sleep anyway.

"I can stay here and I'll to wake you the second something changes. You can't go without sleep forever," he tried to reason.

"Sir, I really appreciate your offer but…"

"Ah!" he said holding up a hand, "It wasn't exactly an offer…"

"But, sir! I'm really not tired!"

"Carter." He only needed this one word.

"Yes sir," she replied defeated.

xoxoxoxoxo

And while Sam went to get some sleep, or at least tried to get some sleep, Jake was about to start his first normal day at the SGC – or so he thought.

But as soon as he entered the lower levels of the SGC he knew something was wrong. Really wrong. When the first time he came here, the atmosphere was professional but yet more relaxed than on any Air Force base he lived on as a child, this time you could describe the atmosphere as being loaded with worry and anticipation. And anticipation of the bad kind at that.

This time, General Hammond didn't have time to talk to him. This time, there was no bantering and joking between the base personal. This time, Jake wasn't sure he wanted to know what was going on.

Of course nobody asked for his opinion, so after he was briefed on what was going on, he started to do what he was being paid for. He didn't have a choice anyway. And going by the bits and pieces he heard about SG-1 – and once people realised he didn't know anything, they told him all sorts of stories of them, as if that helped them to keep their hopes up too – the members of SG-1 were they only chance they had left.

Later on, when he learned who exactly was on SG-1, he was both shocked and proud. Shocked about all the things his sister had to go through – and he was sure he only heard the tip of the iceberg – and proud of all his little sisters accomplishment. If the situation wouldn't have been so serious, he was sure he'd have started to walk around beaming with pride.

He managed to spent some time with Janet over lunch and she more or less confirmed all the stories he had heard – and added one or two of her own. So if Sam managed to blow up a sun, she'd surely be able to convince a not so little asteroid to bypass Earth, right? He at least was sure of it – and it had nothing to do with Sam being his little sister. Not much anyway.

When he went home later that night, well to Sam's house anyway, he truly realised what it meant to work at the SGC. On the one side the work was more than interesting and challenging and everything he could ever have hoped for, but on the other side there was the knowledge. The knowledge that everything could end by Sunday and not being able to share it with his family. And going by the stories he heard today, now isn't by far the first time life on Earth, as he knew it anyway, was about to end. No wonder that Sam turned up looking like hell more than once, wanting to do nothing but cuddle with Caity, spending every single minute of the day with her.

That night, his respect for his little sister grew even more - and the respect for all those people working at the SGC, giving their lifes to defend their home without getting the recognition they should.

xoxoxoxoxo

At the same time, although light-years away, Sam resumed her silent watch over the hyper drive. This time Teal'c joined her, silently doing his kel'no'reem.

Wednesday came and though they spent the last days together, Sam still hadn't managed to have The Talk with the guys. Sure, there wasn't much to do but to wait and hope they'd make it in time to the asteroid to destroy it, but Sam was far too wound up to start explaining herself. Also, why should she risk them getting mad at her if the reason for it might not even be alive in a weeks time, when they themselves might not be alive in a weeks time? No, now really was a bad time - or that was what she kept telling herself. So instead she kept her silent vigil on the hyper drive.

Having realised that Sam wouldn't leave the engine room if it wasn't absolutely necessary , Daniel, Teal'c or Jack started come by for some small-talk or just for silent company. After so many years together, they didn't need to talk all the time to be comfortable with each other. And by Wednesday night they had pretty much developed a daily routine that met all of their wishes and needs - like Daniel working on some translation or other, Teal'c doing kel'no'reem, Teal'c and Jack sparing, Sam needing to stay close to the hyper drive, or simply keeping each other company, playing card games, or even seeking silence.

And as usual, just when everything seemed to be going as smooth as it could, something happened. Only this time it was unbeknownst to SG-1.

xoxoxoxoxo

"Jake?" Janet called after him as he passed her on the way to the infirmary. Getting no reply, she called his name once again, only this time louder than before. "Jake, wait!"

Ever since Monday they had shared their lunch, simply to keep each other company and for Jake to update Janet on how the preparations for the impending evacuation to the Alpha Site were going. He was working under the CMO's supervision after all. But today he had missed lunch. So when she went back to the infirmary and saw him passing by, she called his name.

After the second time he finally heard her and stopped surprised. He was so distracted that he hadn't even realised he had just passed her. Turning around, he waited for Janet to catch up with him.

"Hey," he said almost inaudible, looking anywhere but at Janet.

"You missed lunch," Janet started slightly irritated. After all she arranged her schedule so they could meet, especially as she really needed an update before she went to a meeting with all the department heads and General Hammond this afternoon. But as soon as she caught sight of his face, or his eyes to be more precise, she stopped. Something was terribly wrong.

"Let's go to my office," she said seriously before giving him a slight push when he didn't start moving. Shock, she noted mentally.

Once they were inside her office, she closed the door, effectively telling everyone she didn't want to be disturbed. She carefully pushed Jake down into a chair, before sitting down opposite him. As he was just sitting there in a defeated posture, head hung low, she gently took one of his hands in hers and asked a question she wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer to.

"Jake, hey, what happened?"

It took a while before he finally started to talk quietly, and if Janet wouldn't have listened that closely, she might have missed it altogether.

"I just got a phone call from Jocelyn."

And then he replayed the talk he just had with his wife. Suddenly she understood the signs of a shock he showed, cause she felt just the same. The colour had long left her face when he finally finished and she felt dizzy too.

"Oh god, Janet. How am I going to tell Sam?"

"I don't know," she confessed quietly, wiping of the tears that had escaped her eyes.

"You know, just after Jocelyn told me, just for a second, I thought about how easy it would be if Sam and her team wouldn't be successful... " he admitted slowly.

Surprised by his admission, Janet was first shocked before she nodded slowly, "Yeah, I can see why."

"But knowing Sam's stubbornness, I'm sure that that asteroid stands no chance," he added smiling slightly, making Janet smile too.

After a couple of minutes of silence, Janet finally found the energy to think again. After asking for the last update she sent Jake home, telling him she'd take care of telling General Hammond. She also told him to call should they need any info she might be able to provide, and also silently asking to be kept up to date on that front.

Once Jake was gone, Janet removed the last traces of her tears before putting on her professional face, leaving for the meeting with General Hammond and the other department heads.

xoxoxoxoxo

Jake was right of course. A couple of days later his sister was indeed too stubborn to let this asteroid win. Especially after they found it to be a trap by the Goa'uld. If they couldn't destroy it, then they'd have to fly it through Earth. Piece of cake! So once again, SG-1 was there to safe the day – but who would safe them? The life support would last for another couple of hours, but after that…

Sam didn't know how to feel anymore. On the one side she was overjoyed of having saved Caity's life, but on the other side she felt sad that she wasn't going to see her grow up. And even worse, when she was about to die so far, she could be sure that Caity would have Susan and Aaron to look after her, to give her all the love she needed. But they were gone now and Caity was counting on Sam. True, her brother and his wife would look after Caity like she was their own child, but it wasn't the same as Susan and Aaron would have been. No, this time would be worse for Caity.

Feeling the tears welling up in her eyes, Sam moved slightly so that the Colonel who was sitting next to her on the floor wouldn't see them. She reached into one of her BDU's pockets and retrieved a picture of Caity. Well, actually it was one with both of them snuggled together in their rocking chair. Jake had made it when both were sleeping at one of her last visits and gave it to her when she had to leave again. She really loved this picture as Caity looked so peaceful in it.

Damn, she couldn't afford to die now! She had to get back to Earth! Ironically enough, there were closer to Earth than on any other mission they had so far. Well, apart from the first time they thought to have killed Apophis that is. And yet they couldn't make it back. Getting up angrily, Sam kicked the wall. Hard. This was so not fair! Ignoring the questioning look the Colonel gave her, she kicked again before sighing and sitting back down with closed eyes, silently telling everyone that she didn't want to talk.

It worked fine – for 5 minutes. Because then Daniel choose to come over and sit down on Sam's other side. While getting settled, his hand brushed something on the floor and being the curious being that he was, he looked down to see what it was – and gasped when he realised that he was looking at a picture of Sam sleeping peacefully with a little girl in her arms.

"Uhm, Sam? I think that's yours," he said before handing the picture over.

But before Sam could take it back, Jack leaned over to Daniel to have a look himself, snatching the picture from Daniel's hand.

"Sweet. Your niece?" he asked lightly, though he was sure that Sam's niece was blond and the little girl on the picture had dark hair.

Shaking her head, Sam closed her eyes and let her head fall back against the wall behind her. Well, it looked like she wouldn't get out of telling them now, because judging by the way the Colonel asked that question, he knew that this was not her niece. And sure enough, Teal'c must have thought the same because Sam could hear him come over and sit down in front of them. Probably taking the picture to have a look himself. Then there was silence, maybe they wouldn't ask her anymore questions. They had other problems after all.

"Carter?"

Apparently not. Apparently her time was up.

"Sir?"

Maybe playing dumb would work.

"Carter."

Or not.

Sighing, Sam slowly opened her eyes, silently demanding the picture back from Teal'c. Taking her time to look at it some more, she finally replied.

"You're right. She's not my niece. Her name is Caitlin Hope Carter – and she is my daughter." There, she said it. Now she just had to remember to breath again. Then again, they were going to die anyway…

Silence. Absolute, utterly silence.

Teal'c was the first to break it. "Indeed. She bears a great resemblance to Jacob Carter."

To both Jacob Carters, Sam added mentally.

"When… how… Sam?" Daniel finally sputtered.

"That's complicated." Sam said almost defensively. "It won't matter now anyway."

"What? How can it not matter that you have a child? A child you haven't told us about! I thought we were friends!" Daniel said becoming more and more agitated.

Great. That was exactly why she didn't want to bring Caity up while they were on this mission. Or any mission for that matter. But now it was too late.

"Daniel." Jack stated calmly.

"What? Did you now she had a daughter?" Daniel asked heatedly. "Where is she living anyway, or did you just shove her away so you could go on with your career?" he continued, looking straight at Sam.

"Yes she was staying with foster parents. But that doesn't mean I gave her away lightly, I just had no other choice!" Sam replied defensively.

"There is always another way!" Daniel all but shouted.

"Daniel!" This time the Colonel made it clear that he wanted Daniel to stop. And it wasn't a question, it was an order.

"Fine. Whatever." Daniel replied before storming off to the pilot's seat.

Bowing slightly, showing his silent support with it, Teal'c got up to look after his other friend as he was sure Colonel O'Neill would look after Major Carter.

Too afraid to look at her CO and of what he would think of her now, Sam kept on staring at the floor. After a couple of minutes of silence she felt his hand over her own, squeezing it lightly. Finally looking up at him, she could see a lot of emotions in his face – but none of it were anger or disdain. Giving him a teary smile, she silently promised to explain everything if they should get out of here. Accepting this with a small nod, he finally released her hand, getting comfortable on the floor once again.

Daniel was still angry and pouting when suddenly a voice could be heard over the communicators.

They were going home.

xoxoxoxoxo

On the short trip home, Sam was both physically and emotionally too exhausted to do anything but sleep. Fortunately they let her be.

By the time they arrived at the closest planet whose Stargate they could use, Sam was at least somewhat rested and could start to think more straight again. Unfortunately, Daniel still wasn't talking to her more than necessary and she knew she hurt him deeply. Well, his reaction was exactly what she had dreaded and she could only hope he'd understand once he learned the whole story. If he would listen to her in the first place. But now was not the time for it.

For the next hours they were busily helping to get the SGC up and running again. The last team to leave the base for the Alpha Site was the first one back as they held key positions within the SGC. But despite that everything that had been packed up and shipped out had to be brought back to where it was in the first place, the atmosphere around the SGC was back to cheerful. As long as you didn't came across Dr. Frasier. True, she worked efficiently and professionally, but if you knew her than you could also see that her thoughts were somewhere else. As soon as she came back to the SGC she had called Jake, telling him Sam would be heading home soon. Well, she would see to it anyway.

Seeing Sam for the first time a couple of hours later she could tell that she was emotionally drawn. And as she just passed Daniel she already guessed what was going on. Janet knew that General Hammond had dismissed them and they were free to leave the base. Trying to hide her own worry, Janet managed to convince Sam to go home instead of staying on base. It wasn't as hard as Janet anticipated, telling her just how much Daniel's reaction must have hurt her too. Sighing, Janet went back to work once Sam had left, hoping that Sam would be able survive this latest blow into her face.

Sam was glad to be finally home again. First she'd call Caity before taking a long hot shower and hopefully getting a full nights sleep. Maybe then she'd find a way to fix the problem with Daniel. But as soon as she saw her brother's car in her driveway she knew something was wrong. She didn't know how she knew it, she just did. Unfortunately, her fears were confirmed when she opened her door, meeting Jake halfway on the way to the living room. One look in his eyes and the tears started to form in her own eyes, not even knowing why she was crying.

Letting herself be dragged over to the couch, she sat down, both waiting for and fearing what Jake was going to tell her.

xoxoxoxoxo

Life was good. A bit over a week ago they had once again saved the planet from the Goa'uld and as result were given a whole week off. Well, they had to finish their paperwork, but after that they were free to go. Of course he choose Minnesota. A little fishing trip was the best way to celebrate a victory over the Goa'uld after all. The only thing bothering him was Sam. He hadn't seen or talked to her since the day they came back. Since the day they learned about her daughter.

Once his week off was over, he started to bug the Doc with it, but all she'd say was that Sam would be back later. Daniel wasn't much help either, he was still mad with Sam, though it really started to get ridiculous. The longer Sam was absent, the more Daniel wound up about everything. Well, at least Teal'c seemed to be his stoic self, waiting for more information before he took any side. Maybe he should invite Daniel and Teal'c over soon, so they could talk about it. Okay, so they could calm Daniel down. Or maybe they could just punch some common sense into him.

But not today, today he was going to do nothing but relax in front of a hockey game. Beer in one hand … and beer in the other and no impending Goa'uld attack to worry about. At least not tonight.

He was just about ready to sit down in front of his TV when he heard it. Someone was on his roof. Crap. Grabbing his weapon, he stealthily went outside to cautiously climb up the ladder to his roof. There, standing with the back to him, was the last person he expected to see tonight.

Sam.

He'd have recognised her silhouette everywhere. Only this time her head hung low, her arms were tightly wrapped around her as if she was hugging herself and her shoulder shook slightly as if she was crying. But what worried and scared him the most was that her whole posture screamed of pain, and that he had never seen her that utterly defeated before. Not after Jolinar, not after Martouf or the Entity. And it broke his heart.

"Sam." Not Carter. Not Major. But Sam.

Finally she turned and her eyes reflected all the pain in the world and something else.

Something he had once seen in Sara's eyes.

Something he had once seen in his own eyes.

Something he had hoped he'd never have to see again. His throat suddenly became dry, anticipating Sam's next words.

"How did you survive Charly? How?"

A/N: I'm really sorry, but I won't be around for the next couple of days (And if you think I'm hiding then you're wrong… or not ). However, if you want to comment on the chapter, Muse will be available by pushing the little button down there. I'm sure she'll be happily hit by anything that you might want to throw at her… don't hold back! LOL

Anyway, thanks again to all those who reviewed so far… and those who I'm sure will push that little tempting button eventually. You know you can't hold back much longer ;-)!