Disclaimer - Nope, sorry.
A/N - Well this is a bit of a different route. Let me know what you think. Possible companion-ishy thingy piece in the works.
...
Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart.
In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel
…
What if…should have…if only…these statements were foreign, alien, unwelcome in Amon's mind, but he could not be rid of them. They had filtered in, taken root and were slowly consuming his thoughts. He threw back another shot and tipped the bottle to refill the glass, only to realize it was empty. Again.
The man growled, throwing the offensive object across the room to shatter against the wall before moving to lie on the bed. He buried his face in the pillow, but it did not stop the images from playing across the backs of his eyelids, did not stop the thundering crashes, the screams, or the gasps of breath from echoing in his ears.
Her face swam to the front of his mind, not as it normally was, filled with open trust and infatuation, pinched with annoyance at some remark he had made to her, or thoughtful as she focused on a job. No, it was none of these things, but instead pinched with pain, covered in soot and blood and filled with a dreaded certainty. The green eyes were not hopeful and curious, but were rather filled with tears and misery. Then, her labored breath ceased, eyes closed and she sank a bit into the rubble, blood dribbling from her lips.
Amon practically leapt from the bed at this last image, reaching clumsily for his coat and stumbling to the door. He needed something, anything, to dull the pain.
Later, as he worked his way through two more bottles, the same thought floated repeatedly through his mind, becoming slower and slower and slower, until it finally ceased to be.
If only I hadn't gotten Karasuma out first...