"spoken"

"spells"

"twins speaking together"

"the sorting hat"

"telepathic communication"

: "Someone else speaking to the sorting hat rather than the sortee":

"What did you give me for my sixth birthday?"

"A children's guide to joke potions, one of my biggest regrets, and a football."

"What was my first word?"

"Lily, after your mother."

"Now for the final test, what nickname did I give you when you used the term 'it's for the greater good'?"

"Dumbledore's phoenix… Are you convinced I am fine now?"

"Yes, I knew the moment you walked through the door Sev."

"Why you little…"

Severus near to rant was broke off by Harry launching himself at him. Tucking himself into the older man's chest, Harry let go of the breath he hadn't known he was holding on to and both of the males visibly relaxed, happy that both of them were safe and sound.

After several moments of peaceful silence, Harry announced what a great idea training was but all Snape could do was sit in silence. He had watched Dumbledore manipulate the whole of the staff and had to pretend to be ignorant. It was troubling him as even though he was not the most friendly man, he still had some of the staff that popped over for a friendly chat every now and again but he knew this would be the end of it as Dumbledore had always wanted him secluded and in doing so had manipulated him into spying for the Order. It was stupid to trust that man especially with children! Snape sat there in quiet musings about the imbecile who put Dumbledore in charge whilst Harry chose to use the silence to his advantage.

Whilst Snape had been musing about Hogwarts and the dangers it posed, Harry had somewhat escaped from the scared man's clutches and planned out his Hogwarts adventures and how to make the man known as Dumbledore pay for what he had done to his family both old and new. His eyes sparkled dangerously just in time for Snape to escape his stupor and groan as that look meant jokes were coming but luckily, it was Hogwarts who was in trouble not him!

At 10am they began their journey into muggle London, with trunk shrunk down into Harry's pocket and the glamour spell already on Snape, they headed out on a train to Kings Cross Station. They sat in quiet anticipation, looking out of their respective windows, as they knew of the dangers that lurked ahead and they were not looking forward to it. Trying to break the tension Harry annouced, "At least I will probably be in Slytherin with how I get things done!" But, Snape knew better and thought that now would have to be the proper warning and explanation of everything that has been going on. Not the half-hearted explanations like 'he threw a memory charm at me'.

"Harry, once again, I am going to have to tell you what other wish for you to not know, including myself in some cases. However, you need to know this for your general safety. Last night all the teachers, excluding myself were drugged and given false personalities. Most won't be much different although there will be more prejudice in the school which will confuse many teachers. The only way I escaped was by notifying the aroma of the potion however, there are only two other teachers that may be able to work off the effects: Professors Flitwick and McGonagall. I want you to treat people with extreme caution, especially the teachers and some people in your year whose parents are firm Dumbledore believers like the Weasleys. Also, earlier, I lied to you. It was not a simple memory charm thrown at me it was an obliviate. The only reason I survived was because of the side effect of my diagnostic/ blocking potion."

"Oh… So, I act unassuming again to be on the safe side?"

"Yes, to people you don't know or trust anyway. With the twins, Hermione and Draco act like yourself."

"Okay, how should I act if we are all in different houses, you said there was going to be prejudice, will that stop us from being friends?"

"It might, but I will find a way to stop it okay? If it does turn out like that I can always put you in detention as I am known to hate 'spoilt brats who soak up attention like sponges' like yourself, the twins are always pranking hence the detentions and Draco is my godson so no one will question him visiting my classroom. That way you can still meet."

"What about Hermione?"

"You think she isn't going to get detention with the amount of times she is going to shove her hand in the air with me? I am a 'greasy git' you know."

"Getting used to the non-existant abuse already?"

"Better let the meddling old fool think his memory spell worked."

"Hmmm..."

"Don't worry too much about it Harry, we have been training all summer!"

"True..."

"Make sure to find your little gang on the school train. I have to go straight to my office to tidy it for meeting all the new snakes."

"Just because I have selective over cleanliness disorder!"

"You are not going to survive in the Lions' den."

"You take that back!"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I'm your teacher, I don't have to."

"Great..."

"Sarcasm Mr Potter, 10 points from Gryffindor."

With that an insulted Harry looked out of the window, no longer anxious about Hogwarts, just a bit peeved at the snarky potions professor. But Harry, having Snape twisted around his little finger, got a sort of apology from him in the form of, "If you are Gryffindor, I will personally glamour my hair pink for a week, three weeks into the term and will allow you to prank three people without getting in trouble with me." A faint smile laced Harry's face as he continued to look out the window. The silence resurfaced but this one was far more friendly and companionable.

They arrived on the platform, with fifteen minutes to spare. To the other wizards, all that was to be seen from the pair was a wrinkled, old face with an average length beard accompanied with a small, ivory skinned eleven year old. Black hair sticking out all over the place like an upturned broom and bright, emerald eyes. This boy looked slender, as if he hadn't seen a single cauldron cake in his life. Little did anyone know that this was Harry Potter and Severus Snape. And, for that moment, they were delighted. Hand in hand, they ventured deeper into the platform to find their friends.

After a couple of minutes, Harry had found none of his friends however, Snape had to leave and get to the school before Dumbledore noticed his disappearance. So, he quickly got Harry to claim a compartment in hopes the others would meet up. Once Snape had left, Harry felt truly alone, thrown into a somewhat known world but, without anyone near him, he picked up a book and waited for his friends to find him. However, he was not that lucky. Half way through the trip, he was joined by one Ronald Weasley and the experience was not at all pleasant.

Once he had entered the cabin, he announced his grand nobility of having the ability to be a Gryffindor, just like his marvellous family, who he absolutely hated and the fact that his family was poor, encouraging Harry to spend money on him when the sweet cart came along. Which Harry did without much of an internal grumble as the boy had spam sandwiches which was just plain cruel. After much Gryffindor and Dumbledore praising, alongside Slytherin and Malfoy bashing, Harry was greatful for Hermione's intrusion.

"Harry! I've been looking everywhere for you! Wait a second, I'll go tell the twins where you are, I have no idea how they knew who I was but they want to discuss a toilet seat with you. I also met a boy called Neville, who is looking for his toad by the way. Also, Dray is up front with the two dimwits, looking for you. I'll go get them, just stay here."

With that she ran off. Harry just looked blankly at where the girl had once stood whilst Ron just said, "Bloody Hell." Then, he just changed the conversation and tried to make himself seem knowledgeable to the boy-who-lived-to-be-bored-out-of-his-brain by trying to do a spell. Due to having to act surprised about magic, he had to hold back his scoff when Ron took out a rat and pointed his wand at it. About to say a spell, Hermione re-entered surrounded by Harry's friends and Neville, the twins hiding in the background, knowing what was about to happen.

Hermione rushed in and sat down, waiting to see the spell be performed. Feeling proud that he had an audience, Ron continued the spell "butter, daisy, sunshine, butter, mellow, turn this stupid fat rat yellow" at the failure, Hermione, being Hermione, decided to have a verbal battle with ickle Ronniekins.

"Was that a real spell?"

"Yes."

"Well it wasn't a very good one."

"Like you could do better!"

"I could. Harry pass me your reading glasses, the ones with the damaged frames you were going to send to get fixed."

Harry did as she said, curious at what his friend was going to do. She held up the glasses, pointed her wand at them and murmered, "Occulus repairo", immediately, the frames unbent and the glasses were passes back to Hermione, each wizard holding a new respect for her, except for the jealous ginger prat who sitting opposite her as she, the muggle-born, had just shown up a pure blood in their own game. Then the twins chose to make their appearance.

After appearing, Ron very loudly groaned as they had witness his failed magic and they had been the ones who had given him the spell.

"Look little Ronnikins is using our spell Forge!"

"Why yes he is Gred! What a momentous day!"

"Hey Fred, hey George."

"Hey Harry!"

"YOU KNOW THEM?"

"Yeah Ron, we met in the joke shop in Diagon Alley. It was amazing in there and my adopted dad didn't even care that much when I used the jokes you recommended around the house! He told me to bring more home next year as he was really interested in them!"

"Great! We will get more to you and if you want, we can come around again to show you the best places you can put them! We could prank Josh if you want, seeing as he knows about the whole magic thing."

"You let a muggle see you guys do magic."

"No just Harry's best friend who is Hermione's cousin..."

"He's a cool guy..."

"Unlike you Ronniekins."

With this the whole carriage was rocking with laughter as Ron's face was now the same colour as his hair. Ignoring him, everyone entered the carriage, pushing Ron right into the window. Harry and the others then began to talk as if they hadn't seen each other for six months! After finally discussing toilet seats, muggle electronics, pranks, lessons and Neville's, now found, toad it was time for them to get change but not before Ron finally realised that Draco Malfoy was in the same compartment as him. Everybody bit back comments on how slow Ron was as their argument spiked.

"What are you doing in our compartment Malfoy?"

"Talking with my friends Ronniekins."

"Shut up you supremeist!"

"What a big word for the dimwitted blood traitor."

"Are you insulting my family?"

"No just you you idiot! I wouldn't insult my friends."

"Stop calling my brothers your friends!"

"No. You don't decide my life you self-righteous twat!"

"At least I don't go around calling people like Hermione fucking Mudblood."

"My family and I do not do that you little shit! If I did, I wouldn't be friends with Hermione would I!"

Seeing that this was going no where and that Hermione was trembling and looking a very pasty white, the wrath of Harry was upon them as he knew what that horrid term meant and no way, NO WAY was Hermione going to be subjected to that treatment when he was around.

"YOU PRENTENTOUS TWATS, SIT YOUR ARSES DOWN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP. YOU JUST DRAGGED HERMIONE INTO THIS AND NOW SHIT IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN. BECAUSE YOU TWO CAN'T CONTROL YOUR TEMPERS AND HAVE BROUGHT DERIGATORY TERMS INTO THIS TO DESCRIBE ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS. YOU WILL APOLOGISE TO HER NOW OR I WILL PRANK YOU UNTIL YOUR ASSES HURT! GOT IT!"

"Yes, Sorry Herms..."

"Okay, um sorry um Hermione?"

"Was that a question Ronnie-kins? If so you better prepare yourself before I get started as you may just wreck yourself."

"He's dead…"

"Yep, so dead"

But luckily, for little Ronniekins, the train had just arrived at Hogwarts and it was time to board the boats. Unluckily for Harry, Hagrid decided to personally announce his arrival.

"FIRST YEARS OVER 'ERE. OH HEY THER 'ARRY! WELL COME ALONG 'EN"

Harry grimaced and followed the bumbling man as instructed to. After following Hagrid through a woodland path, they arrived at the lake and began to board boats in fours. Unluckily for Harry, Draco got pushed towards the other side and got into a boat with some of his childhood friends. While he ended up with Ron. The boy, who was now shivering in fear, sat as far away from Harry as he possible could putting Hermione next to Harry and Neville behind him. This was the preferable seating arrangement for Harry but, he was regretting not being able to push Ron overboard… Though he knew he shouldn't get detention before even arriving!

After a five minute journey of travelling along the starlit lake, the castle came into sight and with it a sense of melancholy. However, with the great view and the awe that Harry felt from the mass magical presence, he put it out of his mind for now and continued to gawp as more of the castle entered his view line.

A very dry mouth later, they docked and headed up to the entrance of the Grand Hall. There after McGonagall left them to check if the hall was ready for them was when Harry's wrath was nearly unleashed again. Harry was near the front with Hermione and Neville talking to him and keeping an eye on Trevor, as that frog liked to wonder and he didn't think McGonagall would appreciate another out burst of "Trevor!". Then he heard bickering going on from the back between one Draconius Malfoy and one Ronald Weasley, yes kind readers, FULL-NAMED! It went somewhere along the lines of…

"You ignorant blood-traitor, giving up more traditions in favour of fickle fame! Yeah, that's really going to go down the hole when they see you are full of shit. We do in deed have different holidays and you are welcome to celebrate with us but, we don't force you to practise our traditions, just as it isn't compulsary for us to celebrate yours."

"You know what Malfoy stop being a supremist twat! At least I am trying to make friends not flipping allies."

"I have friends you arsehole! Unlike you I don't trick people into being friends with me. Oh, I'm a ginger knob and I know so much about the world that I am going to indoctrinate you with my stupidity."

"At least I'm not an albino prick who walks around with his nose shoved so far in the air it is up Merlin's butthole."

"Wow real original Weasley who did you get that off of? Your mother?"

"Listen here you fucking twat, at least I do not buy my way in to positions like your stinking family because unlike you we have some honour and we are not evil, dark Slytherins like the trash that comes from the family of Malfoy."

"You want repeat that Ronniekins."

"You bet your greasy hair I do!"

"MR MALFOY, MR WEASLEY JUST WHAT IN MERLIN'S NAME DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"

With that, silence reigned whilst Harry was stifling a laugh at the two beetroot faces at the back of the group. Deciding that laughing was not the best course of action from the strong poke in the ribs, courtesy of Hermione, and the chalk white face of Neville, he turned around and looked forwards at the doors to calm himself down. After berating the two boys to the amusement of the Great Hall, she announced that they were ready for them to enter and the feast to begin.

After a very random speech that ended in something like, bubble, nitwick and squeak, not that Harry was listening, as he had began a telepathic conversation with Snape.

"I'm scarred."

"Why?"

"What if they are all expecting something from me? What if I end up somewhere I hate, with people I don't like?"

"It will be fine, remember what I said on the train."

"I know but, it doesn't get rid of my anxieties."

"Everything will be fine. How was the train journey?"

"Nice change of the conversation… It was okay. Awful for the first part, I couldn't get rid of Ron Weasley but then the others found us and joined our compartment however, Ron and Draco got into an argument and drew Hermione into it and offhandedly called Hermione a mudblood. Draco realised and apologised properly but, when Ron did it, he did it as if it was a question so the great wrath of Harry is going to be upon him."

"Good, you know what sort of trouble that word causes as it was the reason that your mother and I didn't speak for three years."

"I know and I won't let that happen to Herms."

"I know you won't. Now listen brat, the sorting has begun!"

"Okay but, remember what you said on the train!"

"I know and good luck but, remember, I supposedly hate your guts so, I hope you trip?"

"Sure. See you later Dad."

Telepathic conversation over, he was just in time to digest that Susan Bones was in Hufflepuff. After several sorts it got to Hermione.

"A good brain, haven't seen one as witty as this today, you'd be the perfect Ravenclaw but, what's this a courageous side? Hmmm… decisions, decisions however, as your wit and intelligance is most prominent, you better be RAV… GRIFFINDOR"

Thoroughly confused, Hermione went and sat down at the Gryffindor table, eager to talk with either Professor Snape or her friends. She knew her questions wouldn't be wanted anywhere else and that they could get her into trouble, just like she knew that the sorting hat spoke in your hat and was supposedly never wrong but, she couldn't work up the courage, ironically, to point that out, verbally, in front of the Great Hall.

The next sort that grabbed Harry's attention was Neville's. Again, the boy was not overly courageous on the outside but, Harry knew he was on the inside. Although, Harry had expected him to be in Hufflepuff as he was extremely loyal as even when telling the others how his uncle forced his accidental magic, he had admitted that although it was harsh and very abusive, his Uncle Algie was still family and his Grandmother needed all the family together now, even though she was a crazy old bat also! He was so fiercely loyal to his family that he would gladly give up his own happiness to make them happy and proud. Therefore, all of his friends believed him to be Hufflepuff even though what he said was very Gryffindor of him and not in an insulting way.

The next one nearly made Harry laugh. When Draco STRODE up there, he sat down, expecting a quick sorting but as it progressed, you could see the look of horror covering his face as his sorting took a whole ten seconds.

"Oh a Slytherin through and through but what would you do if I sorted you into Hufflepuff or even better Gryffindor?"

"I would strip you and make a nappy for a motherfucking hypogriff but, in a way that would get someone else blamed for it you senile hat."

"Oh very Gryffindor response however, you are a Slytherin and I can tell as you are envisioning an alibi...SLYTHERIN"

A breath of relief was given out before the aristocratic mask was placed over Draco's face as he walked over to the Slytherin table. Harry nearly burst out laughing, having no one left to poke him in the ribs to calm him down a bit, out of chance he glanced over to Snape who had a very disapproving glare on his face as even though he was technically his son, no one takes the mickey out of his snakes, let alone Draco!

Then it came to Harry's turn. To the symphony of gasps, he walked up to the creaky old stool and put the sorting hat on his head.

"A very well-rounded individual Mr Potter although I can see that you would do great things if you went into Slytherin, just hopefully not following in the foot steps of Mr Riddle."

"Voldemort was in Slyhterin?"

"That's neither here nor there. So I am going to go with either Slytherin or Gryffindor, what is your preference?"

: "Anywhere but Slytherin." :

"Why don't you want to go to Slytherin?"

"I do, that is my favourite house but, I would like to be with Hermione to protect her from the arseholes in Gryffindor. Why wasn't she in Ravenclaw?"

"I did put her in Ravenclaw however, what house is your preference and do not joke."

: "Anywhere but Slytherin." :

: "Anywhere but Slytherin." :

: "Anywhere but Slytherin." :

"I'm not saying that though..."

: "Anywhere but Slytherin." :

"Why don't you like Slytherin?"

"I DO!"

: "Anywhere but Slytherin." :

: "Anywhere but Slytherin." :

: "Anywhere but Slytherin." :

"Never have I had a person with such a split personality… I will put you in Gryffindor like your parents as you haven't said anything against it… GRYFFINDOR"

Thoroughly confused, Harry raised an eye brow at the hat but walked to Gryffindor's table and sat down next to Hermione to an explosion of claps, courtesy of Forge and Gred. Both of them sat down looking dazed but continued to watch the sorting as it was courtesy. After an enormous groan at Ron being sorted into Gryffindor, they tucked into their food, vowing to each other to discuss their placement with each other. Harry quickly set up a telepathic link, shocking those who hadn't known he could do that with his animagus, for communication at eleven between the twins, Draco, Neville, Hermione and himself.

As the meal continued, Dumbledore's eyes increased in their sparkling as the young Potter, his personnal orphaned scapegoat was ready to be trained for slaughter.