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That kiss was sweet and WRONG! No, not wrong but it shouldn't have happened!
I pulled away. "Mel," I gasped trying to catch my breath and shaking my head. "We, That."
"I've never seen you flustered," she said making me look at her. She was blushing but smiling.
"I'm sorry," I said trying to regain my composure. " That shouldn't have happened."
"What do you mean? That kiss meant nothing to you?" she said in a heartbreaking tone making me feel incredibly low until I noticed the sly twinkle in her eyes and the smirk on her lips. "It was just a kiss. Granted my first but that doesn't mean I'm going to start falling all over you either."
Her easy disregard of the kiss, her first kiss, made me realize that Russav had rubbed off on her a lot more than I had thought. I was grateful and worried. Then I thought Russav! "I don't think Russav should hear about this," I said concerned.
"You're right," Meliara agreed. "That would be suicidal and I'm quite fond of my head."
I nodded relaxing slightly. An awkward silence ensued until Mel confessed, "This feels like we're hiding a romantic tryst. Which is of course ridiculous considering this was an accident that will not be repeating itself."
"Any attempt at suppressing something will smart our perception of propriety. We've committed no ill. Lets not question the matter further or we'll most likely make more of it than needed."
"Right. Lets forget it happened."
"No. It was a pleasant slip. Let's leave it a secret between us. Trying to overlook it will only stain the memory."
Mel blushed but tipped her head in agreement.
It took a while longer before the discomfort faded but it did. We went on enjoying the evening then headed back to the castle.
I didn't sleep well that night. Awareness of my imminent that departure kept me awake. My sense of responsibility fought with my yearning of ordinary life, even though I knew that in the morn it would matter little which was stronger or just or right.
Dawn came with Russav and Meliara dressed and solemn at my door. We didn't talk much, simply waited for the inevitable. It was left for me to say that our time had come to and end. I did so, deciding it best to be over with it.
I busied my self, making arrangements for the few servants and the five sentries who would escort me to Colend among them Decklyn, Meliara's friend and Yora my mother's maid's daughter. It didn't take long, much to my disappointment.
My memory fails after that. I remember brief images: My mother trying to repress her tears, my father's strong embrace, Russav's masked face with deep sorrow in his eyes. Lastly I remember Meliara: her quick farewell to Decklyn and then a look of anger, pain and confusion as she hugged me in parting.
It's odd, how time and distance interact in ones head. When I arrived in Colend it felt like ages since I'd been home though it'd been not even a month. I forced myself to transform and adjust once more and forget, for the moment, my life.
I had no choice but to learn to feign idleness as I lost all outward notions of my prior training. For the first six months it was difficult to assume the guise of lazy courtier while covertly training my blues. Somehow I managed.
Another six months past and I grew relationships with others at court. My new façade was now being polished as I continued on my double life. The lying was more effortless. I sent my first five, home to begin training the others and in their place another group of five returned with reports and letters.
Six months more. I learned not to be dazed by the wings of a butterfly. And of the danger of beauty in the hands of one who knew how to wield it. How swiftly and painfully I had acquired that lesson. My original five returned with their more reports and letters.
Two years passed in sum and I found myself staring at my reflection covered in velvet and lace once again, a diamond glittered in my ear and jewels on my fingers. Prepared for almost anything, lies, manipulation, battle both physical and of the mind, I was going home.
This time, no longer a lost young man looking for himself, I knew myself even while my appearance portrayed someone else. I was ready to face Galdran's court.
I arrived to a few weeks later to a reception fit for my station. A grand ball took place as I played my role, fooling everyone save for my family. I danced, flirted, and rambled on pointless matters. I made a point of belittling my cousin and he, me though I wished it not necessary.
I noted the tension in his jaw as Tamara tried her best to dazzled me with her gold gown and her words of praise, though her act didn't astonish either of us. Little to their knowing I had become resistant to that kind of falsity.
This game was a bore to me. I knew the players without actually knowing them. I knew their weaknesses, their objectives, but most importantly I knew I was not the only one aware of these things.
Intentionally I stayed almost to the last of the party. With my head pounding and all of my extremities aching, I retired to my chambers.
On instinct I glanced around for signs of intrusion before undressing. Someone had been there and left an inconspicuous box on the dresser. The package was wrapped in brown paper and tied only with twine.
Carefully I undid the knot and removed the lid. An honest smile touched my face for the first time in a long time. A small wood and cloth puppet lay inside. It was the mystery warrior doll. No one would even think to put us together now. The only similarities were the hair and eyes. Its maker had taken many liberties and I had to admit the doll more refined and muscular than I had been two years ago. Russav must have snuck it in my room while I was still at the festivities. Tiny words were scrawled on the inside of the wrapping.
Happy and Relieved
No name but who else would it be from.
Many ornate and expensive gifts had found their way to me the day before but this one meant more. It was simple with no disguised intentions though I ventured the doll was a reminder of who had left.
I wondered about Meliara. Her letters were scarce while I was abroad. My mother was troubled about her gradual distancing. Russav mentioned a veil of false cheer was becoming more frequent. My father was the only one not to mention anything of the sort. I'd also heard rumors of a different manner from the sentries but that was brief and I never bothered to confirm them.
I hoped for the best as I would not be making contact with her until I saw her the following summer. Until then there was much to do.
On the surface I played my part. I made a reputation of being a fop. Always a lady graced my arm though it rarely it passed from there. Most of the time that lady was Elenet who I trusted not to make a play for my status. She knew I had no attachment, other than a close friendship, to her.
She was the foil that kept the other ladies at bay when I wasn't in the mood. This sparked many rumors especially since my parents had made it clear that they favored her. But I had no plans for marriages. I was too unavailable and uninterested.
Parties, games and wagers filled my days and work my nights. I received intelligence of the king's moves, quietly collecting the evidence to use against him. Though I gathered much, it wasn't enough to trounce him. I patiently awaited the final card that would undoubtedly come.
I had a brief vacation from the pointless frivolity that winter but it was not near long enough. By spring the promise of a long a stay at my parents home had me on edge. Even Elenet would be accompanying us for a couple of weeks.
Just before we were set to leave I received news that Debegri's eye had fallen on Tlanth. There wasn't evidence that proved this but it was a matter worth taking note of and mentioning to Meliara.
To the residents of Anthanarel, Russav and I were being forced to spend the summer together in attempt made by my parents to reconcile our differences. To encourage the rumors that our relationship was not repairable, Russav left in a carriage with Elenet, mid morning a couple of days after my parents departed. I followed on horseback surrounded by my blues.
When at last we reached the principality, it was a relief to be able to speak my mind and discuss any matter. Even matters that weren't important. I didn't have to hide that I actually got on with my cousin. Now all we needed was Meliara.
The entire family had sung her praises to Elenet and she had yet to arrive. She'd never been this late. As it was she should have arrived on the day Russav, Elenet and I departed from the palace. Three days late, and no sign of her.
I dispatched runners to investigate but the returned with nothing. There had been no word of brigands on the road so that at least could be counted out. There was always of a minor accident that could have detained her party or that she would not be coming and couldn't send word. All we could do was wait.
We tried to carry on as if nothing was amiss but it became more and more difficult as the days passed. I'd ride out deep in to the woods to the route I was told she always took but with no luck. Eight days, an entire week, had gone by when at last I saw three figures at a distance.
Two men watered horses at the river on the side of the ancient road that no one ever used anymore. A small frame leaned against a tree face upturned toward the sky. I urged my horse faster and as the figure came in to view I realized Meliara was wearing one of those ensembles that Russav was sure to dislike.
I couldn't help my eyes wandering her length as I neared. Her wardrobe had become bolder. The neckline of her brown shirt grazed the top of her chest and the sleeves hung off her shoulders, her black fitted trouser elongated her slightly longer legs. Russav would not appreciate the speck desire I felt when I saw her. The men spotted me and reached for their swords.
Meliara head rolled lazily in my direction, and then quickly straightened up. Her mouth moved but I was still too far to hear above the sound of hoof beats. She shot towards me in a run. I jumped off my horse running as fast as I could.
Her arms reached out and wrapped around my neck as I pulled her in to my embrace, spinning her in a circle. I felt relief and then the flicker of attraction returned, as I set her down. My eyes moved on their own accord to her lips. Hers gaze glanced at mine. Our eyes met and I could tell we were both thinking the same thing: trouble.
We tore apart, needing to put distance between us, fast.
I just want to clarify that they didn't kiss there at the end they just came really close.