A/N 1JAN 2010 – Thank you for reading and for your patience for chapter 13 to be written. I had every intention of completing it weeks ago, but, work made it impossible, as we witnessed tremendous need in our community, as I'm sure is the case across the country; and our staff worked diligently to distribute over 7,000 toys before Christmas Day to children of families in need.
Hope you've enjoy reading, as heartbreaking reverberations led to joyful revelations and the promise of Derek's wishes come true; in some ways the fulfillment of that long ago, and I guess now forgotten, Grey's dialogue: I want to marry you. I want to have kids with you. I want to build us a house. I want to settle down and grow old with you. I want to die when I'm 110 years old, in your arms. I don't want 48 uninterrupted hours. I want a lifetime.
This was going to be the last chapter, and really did want to post something before the year was out…but didn't like the flow, so finished it today, though I had to split this chapter in two to get everything I wanted covered, but don't want to wait longer to post it. I'd also planned to write an epilogue, but the response to the last chapter(12) was so very lukewarm not the comments that were made, they were ever so thoughtful and inspiring, but guess you could say the very limited number of comments, that I decided not to post an epilogue here. This story will come to its original conclusion with chapter 14, and that should get posted by next weekend.
A very special thanks to each of you, that through your comments, offered such enthusiasm and support, I am so very grateful that you took the time to review.
Happy New Year and best wishes for health, happiness and prosperity! Jasmin.
Heartbreaking Reverberations – Chapter 13
Meredith remained in his arms, his hands continuing to rub her back with gentle soothing caresses and whispering tender endearments, making her feel as only he could; safe and completely loved; though the meaning of feeling safe in his arms had changed in the months since she'd given in fully to her love for him; no longer confined to those fleeting post coital moments she'd told Cristina about. Now, being in his arms at anytime meant she'd given up being afraid of loving him and trusted his love for her. In spite of, as in the last few days, when doubts and fears could still rattle the new experience of accepting that someone could love her so unconditionally.
Meredith was still getting used to that unconditional acceptance, to believing him when he said she was all he needed for his life to feel complete, and as they basked in the joy of their tiny unexpected surprise, they'd have been shocked if anyone told them that for just a very fleeting few seconds, their current euphoria would be momentarily derailed by old doubts and insecurities.
"You're pregnant," he repeated and she smiled, having lost count how many times he'd whispered those words in the most reverent and awe struck tone she'd ever heard, "we're having a baby…"
"We are…" she smiled, her face beaming.
"How…" he said, "I keep expecting I'm dreaming…that I'm going to wake up…Meredith…you're pregnant…how…"
"How…" she teased him, "I think…I can be enticed to show you," she kissed him, "in a few weeks time."
"I know how," he chuckled lightly, shaking his head, still amazed, "but, it's just…when…"
"I think," she leaned forward to kiss him, "it may have something to do with your mother finding condoms in the cookie jar," and his heart was warmed by the melodic sound of her laughter.
"Mom found condoms in the cookie jar…" he repeated, as she nodded. "What was she looking for?"
"The cookie jar," she giggled, "to put her fresh baked cookies in."
"What," he chuckled, and his hand caressed her face, "did she say?"
"That we could probably get rid of them, as they wouldn't have much use now…and that her chocolate chip cookies were truly more worthy of being there…"
"Mom knows," he whispered, "she knows you're pregnant?"
"Jenna and Kathleen too," she said.
"They know…" he said, trying to make sense of why she had done that, "and…you hadn't told me…"
"I was going to, but I couldn't…"
"Meredith," he said suddenly, hesitantly, "you said, everything was wrong. When I walked in here…you were very upset…and you cried…Meredith…I've never seen you cry like this…today…only after the execution…after George died…so full of anguish," he met her gaze and she saw the myriad of emotions all reflecting doubts and fears. "And now…Meredith, you said everything was wrong… this was unexpected…that's why you were crying…why you've been so upset," he stated.
She was taken aback so completely by his assumption, that she didn't know what to say.
"I see," he said, and taking a deep breath looked away from her, as she felt his stance become rigid.
"It shocked me at first…but," she touched his face, forcing him to look at her, "Derek…I couldn't wait to tell you…"
"But you didn't," he said, and the abrupt change in his demeanor, the coldness in his tone, made her pull away from him, both emotionally and physically. "How long have you known?"
"I'm pregnant," she said almost inaudibly, trying to understand what had happened for him to react and change his tone so drastically, and when she spoke again, her voice matched the coldness and distance in his. "I'm sorry, I know it wasn't planned. But, I didn't expect you to be unhappy," she said and got up, her own doubts returning in full force, "you should get back to your room."
"Not happy…" he said and shook his head slightly, immediately realizing how his questions must have sounded, needing to reassure her. "You think I'm not happy..."
"I don't know what to think," she shrugged her shoulders, failing to hear the tenderness in his tone now; she'd already assumed the worst. "I have no idea…at all," she said and started to turn away from him, but not before he saw the sadness in her eyes, and when he got up quickly to reach for her, she heard his exclamation of pain.
"Derek," she reacted immediately, "what's wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong," he said, "just can't move so fast. But," he continued, "everything is also wrong, just like you said earlier. Because I have no idea what just happened either," and he smiled, their smile, but she remained unaffected. "Meredith," he pulled her to him, "you have an excuse," he said tenderly, "I don't," and very gently kissed her lips.
"You're pregnant," he pulled back to look at her, and smiling cupped her face, caressing her cheek with this thumb, "with our baby."
"That wasn't very nice Derek," she said, his soft touch and tender tone erasing the barriers that had taken only seconds to erect, and thankfully even less to tear down, "you can't do that…"
"You didn't like my kiss," he tried to tease her.
"Don't joke," she said, "the way you reacted…the way you pulled away from me…your tone of voice…" her eyes watered again, "you can't do that to me…not now…and you promised…no pulling away…no running…"
"I'm sorry," he said, "I don't know that the hell's wrong with me, when I realized how upset you'd been and crying…I just…I tried to figure out why…"
"Obviously," she told him, slightly scolding him, "you were wrong," she said and remained a bit serious.
"Meredith," he spoke softly again, "you're not sorry are you? Are you happy?"
"I'm not sorry…I'm not. Derek, ever since I found out I've wanted to tell you…and…"
"Mer," he said, hating to interrupt her, but still feeling like a weakling, "can we sit down?"
"Oh God, Derek…of course," she said leading him to the couch, "you shouldn't even be out of bed. We need to get you back to your room. How did you even get here?"
"I'm fine," he said, "right here."
"Not a good thing," she joked with him, feeling much better than just a few minutes before, "being fine…"
"Your fine's not…mine is," he teased her as well, and reached for her hand.
"You told your Mom," she said, "actually you told the entire hospital not to believe me."
"Mer," he told her, "the entire hospital already knows…your fine is not a good thing."
"You've been talking to Bailey," she laughed softly.
"Meredith," he brought her hand to his lips, "when did you find out?"
"Three days ago," she said, "well, three days before your accident…"
"Why didn't you tell me? Were you upset? Were you sorry?"
"I've never been sorry, Derek…I was shocked at first…because it was the last thing I expected…while at the same time it felt like the perfect moment…I was so sure you would be happy…and …"
"Meredith…I am happy…you have no idea…it's…" he paused as he dealt with all the emotions he was experiencing, "it's…"
"Hey," she said, "I think Bailey's right…that we'd be a mess of hormonal emotions, she told me that after she found me in your room blubbering all over you…"
"Bailey knows?" he asked incredulously.
"She set up my appointment…I already knew I was pregnant. But since I fainted, and wasn't feeling well," she began to say, without thinking about the fact that he didn't know all of what had been going on.
"You weren't feeling well," he said, never letting go of her hand, "what doctor did you see," he was on full hover and concern mode now. "What was wrong, why did you faint? You lied to me, it wasn't because you hadn't eaten…and you went home with Mom…and invited my sisters for dinner…you don't do families…Cristina was right…Meredith…is something wrong? Bailey told me there was nothing wrong…but are you sure…are you ok? Should you be working…maybe you should be home…"
"Is there anything else," she smiled at him, "you'd like to know?"
Their conversation was interrupted when Cristina burst in the room, "shift change in twenty minutes. Did you find out what's wrong with her? People are starting to complain that they can't get in here."
Derek met Meredith's gaze, and she understood he was asking if he should say anything to Cristina.
Meredith shook her head at him and said quietly, "not yet."
"We need a little more time," Derek said.
"You've been here over thirty minutes, and don't know what's wrong with her." Cristina stated. "Meredith, cut the crap. Tell him what's going on, why you're carrying around that bunny and …crying in the locker room."
"You have a big mouth," Meredith told her friend, "you told him…"
"You're my person, of course I told him. Who else would I tell? Unless there's another husband we don't know about," she smirked, "that would be fitting…he had a wife. Mer do you have another husband?" she asked with a dead pan expression.
"Cristina," Derek warned.
"Shepherd," Cristina said, "you must be losing your touch, if you couldn't get her to tell you anything and now, you have to get back to your room, before Bailey's on my case again."
"Give us a couple minutes," Derek said.
"You had thirty, a couple minutes aren't going to cut it," Cristina said bluntly.
"Cristina," Meredith said, "we only need a couple minutes."
"Fine," her friend said. "Make it fast."
"Mer," Derek turned to her, "you don't want her to know? My mom and sisters know."
"I had to tell them, they guessed, and I was scared…and I want to wait till I see Dr. Cameron again…and I have a regular visit in 4 weeks, but he wants to see me next week…just to monitor…"
"You were scared," he interrupted, fully aware of what that could mean. Especially if she was seeing the doctor again so soon, "why are you seeing him again next week? There is something wrong…Meredith…"
"He thinks everything will be fine…he does…"
"Meredith…"
They were once again interrupted, "Shepherd, Grey," Miranda Bailey scolded, "what is wrong with you two? You can't keep people from coming in here at the end of a shift. This isn't your private living room."
"Dr. Bailey," Meredith said, but Miranda noticed the look of concern on Derek's face.
"Grey," Miranda said, "did you two talk?"
"Dr. Bailey, he knows," Meredith smiled slightly.
Cristina cracked the door open, "oh crap, bye Dr. Bailey."
"Yang, I take it you're responsible for closing off this lounge? What did you do to get Prettier and Red to be your watchdogs?"
"Prettier and Red?" Cristina made a face as she furrowed her brows. "Dr. Bailey did you just say Prettier and Red?"
Miranda waved her hand dismissively, "Yang…I don't have time for chit chat…you want a better nickname for your boyfriend…you come up with it. Now, tell those two fools to keep everyone out of here till I say so."
"Back to you," Bailey said. "Grey, what exactly does he know? Since it seems to be common knowledge his brain cells take hiatus more often than they should. Stupid post it notes," she muttered under her breath, which actually made Meredith and Derek laugh, but also made her look over and see how he placed his hand on her abdomen and they became lost in each other's smiles, and she too smiled certain he knew Meredith was pregnant.
"You laugh," Miranda said, not backing down from her stance on their marriage. "You think it's a joke? Your child's going to be like one of those kids named Sunflower in the 60's and be the joke of the class…when she talks about how her mommy and daddy got married on a blue post it note…maybe you'll start a trend…pink…yellow…a color for every month of the year!"
"I'm going to be a father Miranda," Derek smiled at her, "and you think we're having a girl?"
"Shepherd, are you stupid? That's not what my comment was about."
"I know that Miranda," Derek smiled. "I am fully aware of that. But you didn't answer my question. You think it's a girl?"
"Ask your mother," Bailey told him, "that's what she thinks."
"You've talked to Mom about this?" Derek asked.
"Of course we've talked," Miranda answered, "it took two of us to get her home…and off her feet make sure the cramping was nothing serious."
"Cramping," he turned to Meredith, "that's why you went …why you have to go back next week?"
"Meredith," Bailey said, with a truly repentant look, "I thought you told him."
"I haven't had a chance to tell him everything."
"Meredith," Derek said, "please…tell me everything…now."
"I'm sorry," Bailey said, "I just …"
"It's ok Dr. Bailey," Meredith said, "I'm going to tell him what's been going on," she felt his hand squeeze hers, and she recognized his fear.
"We can't keep people out of here," Miranda said, "but…let's get you back to your room, and I guarantee you will have privacy…and all the time you need to talk," she said, and before she walked out, she turned around. "Derek," she smiled, "congratulations. I told you there was nothing wrong with her, and there isn't. I'm sure of that, so is Dr. Cameron."
"You have a lot to tell me," Derek said quietly.
"I do…" Meredith kissed him softly, as Mark walked in with the wheelchair.
"I've been instructed by Bailey to take you to your room," Mark told them, and helped Derek get up and get and in the chair.
"I'll take him," Meredith said, "my shift is over."
"I was also instructed, you were to follow us, not to push him. What the hell is that about? Wait…you fainted…shit, they did tests…and something's wrong…"
Meredith rolled her eyes, "I have never seen any group of people so set on something being wrong with me…all over a simple fainting spell because I had not eaten," she said, and felt Derek's gentle squeeze of her hand as she walked by his side while Mark pushed the chair to his room, "I'm perfectly ok Mark, never better, in fact."
Regrettably, as much as Miranda Bailey could yield her authority, or when that failed stare down most hospital personnel, she was no match for the Shepherd women congregated in Derek's room.
"We wondered were you'd disappeared to," Maggie said, as the rest of the sisters and Carolyn had made themselves comfortable in the VIP room at Seattle Grace, where a small sitting area had a couch and two chairs. "Mom wanted to make sure Meredith had an early dinner, she doesn't want a repeat fainting spell."
"Oh," Meredith said, "that's very sweet…but you didn't have to cut your meal short, I would have grabbed something in the cafeteria."
"Meredith," Kathleen said, "what Mom really wanted was to spend as much time with the two of you as possible."
"She's right," Jenna said, "she puts on this tough exterior…when she's really a softie…and I don't get it…how she isn't sick of all of us by now…but she really does seem to enjoy spending time with her kids…even," she hugged her mother, "when she wants to kill us. Meredith you'll see how it is…when you and Derek get to come home for a visit."
"Jenna," Derek commented after Mark had helped get into the bed. "I don't think we'll be home for a while," he smiled at Meredith, who was uncharacteristically fussing over him, smoothing out the bed sheets and covering him with the blanket, and he whispered, "Mer…you're hovering."
"Ass," she teased back, in spite of the conversation they'd had to postpone, feeling much lighter and happier than she had in days.
"Maybe," he whispered, "it's …"
"Motherly instincts," she whispered back.
"God, no," he groaned louder than intended.
"Derek," his mother asked, is something wrong?"
"No Mom," he said, "the incision's still too recent to be moving so much."
"Meredith," he pulled her closer to him, "motherly instincts," he smiled, "good for our baby…not toward me…ever…please," he teased.
"Last thing on my mind," she smiled back. "Believe me."
"Weeks," he mumbled, and she laughed, making Kathleen and Jenna exchange confused glances.
"Surely," Mark said, "that weeks reference is not you two talking about sex."
"Mark," Nancy said, "you are incorrigible."
"So are you," he winked at her. "Always were."
"Mark," Carolyn said, "somehow I don't think her husband would appreciate you flirting with her. Even, after all these years," leaving no doubt she knew about younger days and rites of passages.
Jenna, giggled, "Mom…I cannot believe you said that."
"Jenna," Kathleen laughed, "using pregnancy to get what you want…is nothing compared to Mom's I'm getting old and can say anything and get away with it crap."
"You're exposing Mom's oldest trick," Nancy laughed.
Carolyn had seen the subtle smiles on Meredith and Derek when they mentioned Jenna's pregnancy and the way Derek had reached for her hand, bringing it to his lips and allowing them to linger, before she leaned in to brush his lips with hers. They'd talked, Carolyn smiled to herself; she was certain of it; her son knew he was going to be a father.
"Derek," Carolyn said, wanting to confirm her suspicious. "I was thinking, you should be fully recuperated within a month and back to your old routine. I know you'll be taking time off, but I'm still hoping there's a chance you and Meredith can make it out for Christmas or the New Year's weekend…join your sisters and go skiing."
Derek's expression was priceless, as was Meredith's when they exchanged a look that clearly said, she's got to be kidding. Skiing…she knows I'm pregnant.
"Mom, that's a great idea," Nancy said, "we have not done that in a few years, and there's a chance we can still get a couple of cabins near our house," she referred to the place she and her husband owned in New England, "and accommodate the whole family."
"Maybe," Jenna smiled, "you could just join us for a couple of days, and if Meredith wants to be a really nice sister in law," she walked over to them, "she can keep me company, drinking hot chocolate and reading by the fireplace; I certainly won't be skiing while five months pregnant."
"I'm not sure," Derek said, "Meredith's schedule as a resident would work, she's stuck working most holidays…but…maybe next year," he spoke rapidly, "yeah…maybe next year…we could try to do that…Meredith, what do you think?"
"Next year," she said, "yes…I think…I'm pretty sure if I beg Cristina she may cover for me…at Christmas," she rambled on, "she's Jewish…she might be willing…and I'll ask her now…so she can't tell me she has plans…"
"Meredith," Nancy said, "if she's Jewish, it's still early enough for this year. Maybe if you ask her now, before we go…she might do it, and when we get home we can make the arrangements. It would be nice," Nancy continued, "really nice for you to spend time with the rest of our family."
"Nancy," Derek jumped right in, "I don't know…it's…well, actually, this year, Meredith and I have plans already. But, I didn't want it to sound we didn't want to spend time with the family…but…next year…we'll make sure to be there next year."
Carolyn walked up to the bed, "you know…it's been a long day, and I'm tired. Must be I'm really getting old," she winked at Jenna and Meredith on the other side of Derek's hospital bed. "We've had great news that Derek can go home in a couple days, and I think it's a good day for all of us to get a good night's rest, including you," she leaned in to kiss his cheek. "You know…" his mother said quietly, and kissed his forehead, tears gathering in her eyes.
Derek simply nodded, remaining silent as he recognized his mother was overcome with many of the same emotions he was feeling; the day had finally come when he could share that news that he was going to be a father.
"Girls," Carolyn said, "time to say goodnight to your brother and Meredith."
"Kathleen," Maggie commented, "I thought you told me you wouldn't consider giving Mom a prescription for Valium."
"Mary Margaret," Carolyn scolded, "what are you talking about?"
"Mom," Maggie laughed, "you went from spending as much time with Derek and Meredith, to sending us home before seven thirty in the evening."
"I think," Jenna said, "Mom was probably trying to be subtle…"
"Mom," Nancy said, "subtle?"
"Yeah," Jenna laughed, "we all know what subtle means for her…except she probably realized, like we all should have, that Meredith and Derek need to spend some time alone together. We'll leave you alone," she said, and as she was standing next to Meredith, she hugged her and whispered to her only, "you told him."
"Yes," Meredith smiled.
"I guess," Kathleen laughed, "being pregnant," she looked at both Meredith and Derek and smiled, acknowledging their news, "also makes Jenna sharper than we are…we will see you in the morning," she said.
"Mom," Jenna asked, "are you going back to the hotel now?"
"Actually," she glanced over at the couple, "Meredith, I left some things at your house last night, if you don't mind…I'll need to stop by there and get them."
Kathleen, recognizing her mother's wish to speak to her brother alone, said, "Mark, I'm not ready to call it a night…and you haven't had dinner…how about we join you, Joe's was nice…we can have a drink…Nancy…Maggie?"
"I'm game," Maggie said, "I'm not really ready to call it a night."
"I'm exhausted," Jenna admitted, "I'll stay and go back with Mom…your niece Derek, is draining all my energy suddenly, and before I know it, morning will be here with a vengeance of morning sickness like today," she said, meeting Meredith's gaze, "you should get some rest too…I don't know what I would have done without you this morning."
Everyone left, leaving Jenna and Carolyn in the room.
"Carolyn," Meredith spoke first, "I'm going to spend the night here with Derek, but I'll give you my key…and…you're welcome to stay at the house…both of you."
"You're not spending the night here," Derek said, "absolutely not."
"Derek…I want to stay with you."
"I want you to stay too," Derek said, "but…you need to get some rest…especially after what Miranda said…Mom…you knew she hasn't been feeling well, she's been having cramps…there could be something wrong and you didn't make her stay at home?"
"Meredith," Carolyn said, "has experienced some cramping…but, Dr. Cameron believes there is nothing wrong…and she has been resting. She had a good night's sleep last night."
"Good night's sleep," Jenna teased, "until my niece woke her up with a vengeance…"
"It was you," Derek said, "this morning…you were sick, not Jenna…Mer…you need to rest…I want to have you here with me…I do…but I'm worried about you."
"Derek," Meredith pouted involuntarily, and her eyes watered, "you want me to leave? We haven't finished talking…and you don't want me to stay…" she sniffled. "You didn't mean it earlier…" she never got to finish what she was going to say.
"Oh my God," Jenna laughed, "big brother, you are in for one hell of a ride…"
"What are you talking about?" Derek asked, Meredith his only concern.
"Derek," Jenna said, "Dr. Bailey was right, pregnant hormonal Meredith is going to be a roller coaster ride."
"She…" Derek said, "that's not a very pleasant thing to say."
"Apparently," Carolyn said, "she knows the two of you well…she thought you may be as bad as Meredith will be."
"What," Meredith said, "are you talking about," and wiped away a tear.
"That's the beauty of it," Carolyn said, "I told you sweetheart…it's going to get worse…being irrational…and hormonal…and you won't even recognize it."
"I was not…" Meredith told them.
"She was?" Derek said. "Mer…I don't think you were irrational just now."
"Neither do I," she said, and realized she was indeed very emotional.
"Meredith," Jenna laughed, "don't worry about it…it's a good thing you don't recognize it. But, Derek, get ready for overly emotional…and sentimental…and if the last couple days are an indication, she's going to give me a run for my money on the water faucet department."
Derek didn't say anything, but then laughed, as he reached for Meredith's hand, "you may be right…"
"What?" Meredith said, indignantly, "I haven't…"
"Meredith," he said tenderly, "you really have…"
"That's because of your accident…I'm not like all the clichés about pregnant women and hormones…Jenna's just making fun…because she's like that…"
"It's a good thing I like you…" Jenna said, "and that you're pregnant," she smiled, "because if anyone else said that…you'd probably be experiencing a rant like yesterday."
"What rant?" Derek said.
"Never mind," Carolyn told him. "We've taken enough of your time. Meredith, I am going to take you up on that offer to stay over, simply because I expect you to be home in a few hours to get a good night's sleep…so…it's almost eight now…Derek…make sure you send her home by eleven…her shift doesn't start till one tomorrow."
"You know my schedule?" Meredith asked.
"Of course I do," Carolyn told her. "I spoke to Dr. Bailey after you didn't listen to us this morning."
"I did what she said…and you..." Meredith argued.
"Derek," Carolyn ignored her denial, and said, "you're going to be a father."
"Jenna," Meredith said, as she recognized the slight catch in his mother's voice, and wanted to give mother and son a few moments alone. "I'm going to get some hot chocolate to drink along with what you brought me. Will you come with me to the cafeteria, maybe give me some tips?"
"You are a fraud," Jenna told Meredith when they were walking down the corridor.
"So are you," Meredith rolled her eyes; "you're tired…and want to call it an early night."
"It's not like you wanted hot chocolate either," Jenna laughed, "but that was done well, giving them some time alone."
"Jenna," Meredith said, "I really did want some hot chocolate."
"That's pretty disgusting Meredith, with a cheeseburger and French fries. I could see a chocolate milk shake, but hot chocolate," Jenna made a face of disgust.
"I thought you'd be sympathetic to cravings," Meredith said, "and you can't talk, since you…just wanted to confirm that Derek knew about the baby."
"You told him," Jenna smiled, "what changed your mind?"
"My meddling friend Cristina," Meredith told Jenna, "I still don't know all the details, but Derek guessed…but, our conversation was interrupted a couple of times so I didn't get to tell him everything…I need to do that now, and then I'm going to spend the night here with him."
"I think you should tell him everything that's happened," his sister agreed with her, "how you've been feeling…whatever it was you were going to say to him…if he hadn't been in an accident…but, I don't think you should spend the night here. I think you need to get some rest, which you won't if you're here."
"Jenna…I can sleep on the couch or the recliner."
"Neither of you will get any rest if you're here; and you'll both spend the night worrying about the other. Don't roll your eyes at me," she said, once they'd paid for the hot chocolate and were walking back to his room, "it's true, and you both need to get some rest."
"You're all really very bossy," Meredith said.
"Mom was an exemplary teacher," Jenna told her, "she wasn't a Navy nurse for nothing…" they both laughed.
"She apparently had good students," Meredith joked back.
"Meredith," Jenna said, "you've had cramping…do you still?"
"Not as bad…very sporadic today…almost gone…"
"Good…" Jenna said. "It was probably all the stress…combined with not eating…and cramping…it can be normal…"
"But you've never had it…to be concerned about it, with your pregnancies?"
"I did, a little earlier, with implantation…but not at eight weeks."
"Derek's going to make me go home," Meredith told her, "once I tell him…everything."
"He should," Jenna said, "it's best for you…and the baby…for all three of you. Meredith, in case you have any more doubts, about where you should sleep tonight…do you really want to be here in the hospital…if you have to deal with a morning like today?"
"You had to remind me?" Meredith said.
"Meredith," Jenna said, "believe me…my niece will do a damn good job at it herself."
"You keep saying that…and Bailey," she smiled, "that it's a girl."
"I think it is," Jenna smiled, "I hope it is…our girls will be very close in age…and I hope they will be close as they grow older," then she said a little sadly, "I know this is home for Derek now…he's not coming back East, but I hope…and I mean it sincerely," she said, and Meredith recognized the glimmer of tears as very real, "that you'll want to get to know us…our family…and our kids can enjoy being cousins."
"You…" Meredith said, becoming sentimental herself, "are the very worst or rather best example of sentimental and hormonal reactions."
"Yeah," Jenna said, "I know and sometimes, I even recognize it. But, these are…"
"Very real…" Meredith finished for her, "as are mine…very sentimental...real emotions, even without pregnancy…I'd feel the same way…over what you've said. Jenna, it will be good to have the babies be close…we'll make sure of it."
"Finally," Derek said when they were alone, and sitting up in bed extended his arm out to her, and when she placed her hand in his pulled her closer. "Meredith," he said tenderly, "I haven't told you how I feel…"
"What…what do you mean…" she asked hesitantly.
"I haven't told you that I love you…adore you, even though you have to know that already…Meredith…and I love our little one already…"
"So do I…" she said, and she indeed became sentimental, "I love our baby too…since I found out…" she said, and suddenly started to cry.
"Meredith," he said tenderly, "Mer…what's wrong…please don't cry like this…"
"I…"she kept crying, "I…Derek," she sobbed as he held her and her tears flowed freely as she buried her face in his chest.
"Mer…please," he soothed, "what's wrong? Are you in pain, Meredith, do you need to see the doctor again?"
"No," she said, calming down a bit, "I…almost lost you…and you didn't know…" her tears continued to fall, "you could have been gone…and you didn't know about the baby."
"I'm here," he said, "you didn't lose me…I'm here…remember…I'm not going anywhere…if I have my wish…I'll be in your arms when…"
"Don't," she stopped him, "don't talk of dying…"
"Mer," he teased her, his hand softy pushing the hair back from her face, and wiping away the tears, "I'm talking over one hundred…"
"I don't care," she told him, "I don't want to think about any day…any day without you."
"Oh," he smiled, but tears gathered in his eyes as well, "I think…our little one has made you very sentimental…and romantic…"
"Maybe," she smiled, and wiped away the rest of her tears, "Derek…are you really happy? You're not disappointed…this wasn't planned…there are so many things…my crappy genes…"
"Meredith," her name on his lips felt like the gentlest most loving caress, "I told you before…our babies…are going to be extraordinary…because…with you as their mom…nothing else is possible…"
Meredith's mouth just opened, unable to say anything, once again overcome with emotions over the love this man, the only man she'd ever loved, felt for her.
"I think," she spoke finally, as she cupped his face, "our children will be extraordinary…because of us…the two of us together."
"I can live with that," Derek said, before he put his hand behind her neck and pulled her closer to him, and gently, tenderly at first kissed every inch of her face, her lips, and then with insatiable desire captured her mouth and they shared one of countless kisses throughout their lifetime that spoke of their love and unwavering commitment.
In the moments that followed, he'd convinced her to lie next to him, and that was how the nurse on the new shift found them. "I'm sorry," the nurse said, "I know there's a sign on the door that says not to disturb you, but I need to check your incision and change the bandage."
"There's a sign," Derek said.
"Yes, Dr. Shepherd," the nurse smiled at him.
"Debbie," Meredith said, "what does it say…exactly?"
"12 Hr – Quarantine; by order of M. Bailey," Debbie smiled at Derek again, "and you know nobody would dare go against her orders," she spoke, well known for her gossip tendencies, as she continued to do her work. "The Chief was here earlier and he seemed to debate whether to enter or not but Dr. Bailey was walking by him just as he was about to come in, and told him she was sure he could read."
Meredith and Derek both laughed, though it was Meredith who spoke, "but you had no qualms…coming in here."
"Dr. Grey," Debbie said, "Dr. Bailey told me to have one of the nurses get this done and leave you alone the rest of the evening, merely following her instructions…"
"Debbie," Meredith said, "since when does the charge nurse voluntarily change bandages," and Derek wanted to laugh, at both their reactions.
"Dr. Grey," Debbie told her, "he's one of my favorite doctors…and do you think I'd give up on looking at some McDreamy nakedness," she winked at Derek, "even if it's only to change a bandage?"
"I cannot believe," Meredith looked at her, "you just said that."
"Of course I did," she smiled at them both. "Surely, you know his nickname, and from what I heard last night, who would you prefer…an old experienced, gossipy bet making charge nurse…or a young inexperienced one ready to flirt with your husband openly and go out and talk about his overly moussed hair and dreamy smiles? That's Bailey's description, not mine."
"I suppose," Meredith said, "when you put it in perspective, an old experienced nurse…is better…wait…Derek, you were giving nurses dreamy smiles?"
"I'll ignore you chose to say old," Debbie laughed as she decided to interrupt her, while she finished securing the bandage, "and Dr. Grey…this old nurse…thinks you are very much married," she commented, "don't pay any attention to gossips. His dreamy smiles, I've only seen when he looks at you."
"Thank you Debbie," Derek said, "there shouldn't be any doubt about that in anyone's mind…Meredith's my wife…and will be…for the rest of our lives."
"Dr. Shepherd," Debbie said, "just make sure…that blue post it note…has sticking power…glue it on to whatever…too many bets about post it notes not sticking going around."
"We already have," Derek laughed, "Believe me…it's got a most prominent and secure place in our home…no chance of it, or our marriage, becoming unglued."
"Good to hear that," Debbie said, "that's a positive piece of news…to spread."
"Good night Debbie," Derek said, "thank you."
"Dr. Grey, your mother in law also gave me instructions."
"My mother," Derek said, "gave you instructions?"
"I'm supposed to send Dr. Grey home by eleven," Debbie said and walked out the door, chuckling as she heard the couple begin to argue over the sleeping arrangements.
"That conversation will be over the hospital in no time at all," Meredith said.
"I know," Derek chuckled, "but she's a good nurse."
"That," Meredith told him, "is the only reason…I didn't change the bandage myself."
Derek touched her face, smiled at her, their smile exclusively, "now, that we're not going to be interrupted," he said, as he looked at her, laying on her side facing him, "tell me…everything…about our baby…but first…how are you feeling? Are you still having cramps? Do you need to see Cameron sooner than next week? Tell me what he said…"
"I'm feeling fine…"
"Meredith fine…"
"I'm feeling wonderful…" she smiled, "now that you know…and happy…and amazed…and scared as hell…about me…being a mom…"
"I'm a little scared too…" he told her, "about being a dad…"
"Derek," she said, "you have tons of nieces and nephews…and you're good with kids."
"Mer…they go home…with their parents, it's different…our baby will be with us…everyday…and that's…"
"So," she smiled, "you're not just saying that…to make me feel better…"
"Maybe," he said, "just a little…"
"Ass…" she said and giggled, "I know you well Derek Shepherd…"
"But," he told her, "the other little part, is scared….but we'll do it together…and that makes me believe we have nothing to worry about."
"You'll have to help me you know. Derek, there's a lot to learn…and not a lot of time."
"Mer," he smiled at her, reached for her hand and kissed it, "we have a good," he made some mental calculations, "thirty five or thirty six weeks…to get ready."
"Not quite," she told him, "not quite that long."
"What…" he shifted slightly to look at her, "how far along are you?"
"Almost eight weeks…"
"Eight weeks," he exclaimed, and his thoughts were rapidly digesting the information, "Mer…how…when…of course…that's why you could hear a heartbeat…Meredith…" he said and again there was that look, and sound of awe and amazement…wonderment…in his eyes.
"I think," he heard the small gasp, and then she changed what she was going to say, the answer to how she could have become pregnant, insignificant in comparison to his reaction, to the look on his face. "I think…I've never ever loved you more than now…the way you look…the way you looked when you discovered …realized…us…that when I said you can't leave us…that now included a baby."
"Meredith," he said, "I've never felt the way I do…I did…when I saw the answer in your eyes…and that you'd told me…you'd already told me…I couldn't leave you…I heard you…I did…and I knew," he got misty eyed, "I didn't want to leave you…and then…to find out we …we're having a baby…we created a little tiny person…our love for each other…it's…." he shook his head, his lips pursed.
"I know…" she said, and leaned in to him, kissing him softly," I know…we created a baby…without even realizing it…Derek…no regrets?"
"Regrets? Never…Meredith…I love you…and our baby…already…"
"That's," she said, "that's how I felt…when I thought something was wrong…and when I thought you didn't want…didn't think it was right …the right time for kids."
"I told you," he said, "already…I didn't want you feeling pressured…as I knew my sisters would…they're baby crazy Meredith…and they'd start pressuring you…and I just wanted you to know we could wait for as long as you wanted…but…if only I'd known…I would have never said anything…I'd have told you…I was ready, whenever you were…but…I'm sorry…for our misunderstanding…for the way you felt…"
"Hey," she said, "it's ok…we're ok now…except…"
"Except…" he asked, "what…"
"I'm going to have another talk with this little one," she said, "and let him know his daddy hasn't changed his mind, about how he feels about me…that you still want to be with me," she looked away from him, realizing what she'd just admitted.
"You talked to the baby," he said, "and told her that I changed my mind…that I didn't want to be with you…"
"I'm sorry," Meredith said, "I shouldn't have said that."
"No," Derek looked at her and would not let her deviate her gaze, "I'm glad you said it…admitted that's how you felt…Meredith, we need to be open with each other, how we feel… it's the only way we're going to avoid misunderstandings…and we've had enough of those in the last few days…we talk…we tell each other what we feel…even if we think the other one is not going to like it…ok?"
"Ok…" she said, and smiled at him, "but you can't get mad at me."
"Neither can you."
"Derek," she snuggled closer to him, careful not to disturb the side with the incision, "that rules applies to me more than to you…"
"Really," he said, "you have special rules?"
"I'm pregnant," she brushed his lips, and she giggled, thinking of what Kathleen had said about Jenna's indulging husband, "that's enough for…some special rules…"
"You're right," he agreed, grinning indulgently, "whatever you want…just ask…"
"Derek," she giggled, "I wouldn't say that just yet…"
"Why not? I'm serious about it."
"You may want to ask Jenna…how bad those hormones and sentimental rants can get."
"I love you," he chuckled, "I'll put up with it all…as long as you're happy and healthy and our baby is healthy…as long…as we're talking, and you let me take care of you, both of you… that's all that matters."
Meredith smiled at him, "I love you Derek," and reached for his hand entwining their fingers, and somehow he'd found it comfortable to lie on his side, their faces barely inches away from each other.
"There's so much…so many questions…so many things I want to know…"
Ask away," she smiled, pressing her forehead against his, "we have plenty of time."
"You're mocking me…my post it…" he said smiled adoringly.
"Not the post it," she kissed him softly, "that's in its proper place."
"Over our bed," he smiled, and their lips met again tenderly.
"Just the post it comment…." she said, "about having plenty of time. Derek, don't ever…ever scare me like that…not…"
He kissed her silent, then, he whispered. "Tell me…" another gentle kiss, "from the beginning…when…when did you find out? How did you feel…when were you going to tell me…how do you …"
She laughed softly, "do I get to ask questions too?"
"You get," he brought their entwined hands to his lips, kissing hers, "anything you want."
"All that," she teased him, certain that he already knew there was already an abundance of love in her heart for their child, "because of a tiny baby…"
"No," he said, "all that because I love you…because after all the stupid things I've said and done…things that kept you up all night …full of doubts and insecurities," he said, reverence a fit description for his words, his tone, "in spite of all the times I failed you…you forgave me…and you agreed to be my wife…and to spend the rest of your life with me."
"Oh…" she said, as tears filled with emotion and love for this man slid down her cheeks, "I love you…Derek…I love you so much…"
"I adore you Meredith Grey…don't ever doubt it…don't ever question it… no matter how brainless and stupid…I may be …you're the love of my life…and I know…you know that…"
"I do," she said, "I do know…I just hope you know I feel the same way Derek," and she recalled the words, that time when he'd first told her, and repeated them, "I've been in love with you…forever…"
"I hope," he said, and shifted ever so slightly, pulling back from her just enough to put his hand over her abdomen, exactly where he knew their baby was being nurtured, "little one…that whatever your mommy said…when she was sad," he said correctly interpreting what her mood would have been, "that you heard all we've said now…and how very much we love you…and that we can't wait to meet you."
"Forever," Meredith whispered, "do you understand…why my hint was the same as yours?"
"Your secret," he said, "your surprise," his eyes twinkled in delight, glimmered with emotion, "was our baby…"
"It was…" she said, "a tiny surprise…"
"Tiny," he said, "only in size…because…it's the most amazing, magical, beautiful…and treasured surprise…other than you coming into my life."
"So are you Derek…" she said, "just when I thought love was reserved for fairy tales…you came into my life…and made me believe dreams do come true…even when I'd long ago given up believing that soul mates existed…you came into my life…" and their lips met as once again on this night filled with magic, their kiss sealed a love of legends.
"Meredith," he said tenderly, and she heard the amusement in his voice, as they both broke the kiss, "you know…there is a flaw in fairytales…"
"What," she locked gazes with him, twinkling amusement the mutual reflections.
"Wicked moms that will come and haunt a husband down, if they don't send their pregnant wife home to get some rest before the clock strikes midnight," and their laughter filled the hospital room where two hearts filled with love for the other rejoiced, and two souls destined to be together for a lifetime, marveled at the beating heart of a young and beautiful new soul fated to become extraordinary.
"Derek," Meredith whispered against his lips, "you know my surprise…are you going to tell me yours?"
"Forever…" he said, "remember my hint…"
"Yes…"
"It hasn't changed…" he told her, "now more than ever…"
"Derek, it's not nice to tease…"
"I'm not," he kissed her softly, "I guessed…what yours was…"
"You did not," she said, "well kind of…but I'd told you …when you were out of surgery…"
"Kind of," he said, "you gave some more hints there but not quite," he teased.
"Derek," she pouted, knowing full well he'd see through her, "you're not being fair…"
"Meredith," he caressed her face, "remind me…" and he laughed.
"About what…"
"To keep you away from Jenna…you're already pouting like she does…"
"Saw right through that one…didn't you?" Meredith giggled.
"Just a bit," he laughed with her.
"Hey little one," she smiled as his hand again rested on her lower abdomen, and she brought her hand to rest on top of his, "don't you think your daddy should tell me his surprise…not make me work and guess…especially since you're probably going to wake me up very early tomorrow…and make my morning miserable…"
"Mer," Derek said, immediately contrite, "I'm sorry…I'm being an idiot, I didn't ask you again how you were feeling, how bad was it this morning? You should stay home tomorrow…not come in to work…just rest…and I'll be home in a few days…and Meredith, where's the baby's sonogram…you said you had it but you haven't seen it…we have to see it…"
"Derek," she laughed softly, "I think…this baby is going to be a rambler…he or she…gets it from both sides of the family."
"Meredith," he whispered, "start…from the beginning…you're not going home till you tell me…everything…"
"Tell me my surprise first…you already know mine…"
"There was something…in the car, I asked Mark to find it…and he finally tracked the car down. But, they were already closed…and no amount of money would make them open the place, so he'll pick it up tomorrow…"
"Tomorrow," she smiled, "then…how about another hint…"
"A date…" he smiled.
"Forever and a date," she repeated, "well we can't be on a date forever…so that's not a good hint…"
"Really…you can't guess, so it's not a good hint," he laughed.
"Derek," she smiled, deciding she'd wait and be surprised, and placed her hand on top of his, again resting on her abdomen, ever so often, gently caressing her, "it was Thursday morning…we'd just made love," she smiled, "taking our time…again…and you said…"