Fragile Lives

Chapter 13

As luck would have it they ended up returning to Atlantis during the cities evening period. Meaning although it was still not that late, most of the city's personnel had already retired for the night either to rest or pursue various forms of entertainment. John was extremely grateful for the fact as the gate room was very quiet other than the evening control staff. They were well aware of the colonel's need for privacy, so kept their welcome to a minimum. Though one thing was totally predictable and strangely John embraced it as the city welcomed him back almost immediately. She seemed truly delighted, giddy almost and John was sure that she would flashed her lights if he hadn't sent a mental warning not to. Thankfully she calmed down and didn't go into lockdown confirming what the doctors had ready reassured him, he really was free of the virus. Atlantis must have considered his remaining sores a nonthreatening condition, which of course they were.

Carson insisted that John should go straight to the infirmary, at least for the night. He gave a small token protest, after all he had an image to maintain, but the doctor stated that he wasn't quite ready for total freedom just yet. However, Carson promised that come morning, he and Jennifer would assess his progress. When everything looked okay, he could be released to his quarters as long as he had lots of help during his recovery period. Naturally there were plenty of volunteers with Teyla being the first to do so. Secretly, John thought she was the only one he really wanted caring for him anyway.

Being a stubborn as ever, John had insisted on remaining on his feet during the entire transfer through the Stargate and now the lengthy walk to the infirmary. Carson had called him several choice words like mule headed, stubborn fool quite a few times. As the infirmary finally came in sight, John was beginning to agree with him as his movements were now like that of a very old man, stooped and totally breathless. He ached all over, especially his legs as it had been the longest walk he'd undertaken since being at death's door. Feeling thoroughly exhausted and more than ready for a good night's sleep, he quietly allowed the night staff to settle him into a bed.

Teyla looked at his peaceful face and smiled, it was so good to have him back home again. He was already half asleep so she moved to his side as quietly as possible as there were a few other patients nearby, sleeping peacefully by the looks of things. Taking his hand, she whispered. "I will go now as I have to check on the children but I will be back in the morning," she murmured, giving him a quick peck on the cheek.

She attempted to move her hand away but John kept hold of it. He looked at her with deep affection. "You know, you're going to have a stop with the light peck and give me a proper kiss sometime," he said quiet enough so that no one overheard.

"Whenever you are ready. Now sleep well." Teyla replied softly. With that she was gone. John fell asleep a few minutes later with a contented smile on his face.

oOo

Next morning he woke feeling totally refreshed and ready to face the world after the best night's sleep he'd had since the whole darn fiasco had begun. It was probably due to being safely back in Atlantis and the sure knowledge that things were about to change for the better regarding his personal life. Although some changes would be needed, he was confident that they could work something out between them. He was still daydreaming about Teyla when Rodney suddenly bustled up to his bed.

"Hey thought you were staying on Calabria a little longer?" Before John could say anything to that, Rodney continued. "Mind you, I can't blame you. It's just that nobody told me you were coming back. If I'd known I would have come by last night. I wasn't asleep. Why did you leave anyway?"

"If you let me get a word in edgeways I'll tell you." John muttered as he fumbled about for the controls to raise his bed. Rodney beat him to it and stabbed the button quite forcibly until John had to tell him to stop when the head section rose to a near vertical position.

"Oops…bit too far."

"You could say that." John grumbled under his breath.

Rodney quickly lowered it until John was comfortably sitting at the right angle. "So why did you come back early?"

"We were kindly advised to leave the planet. It seemed some folks needed someone to blame for the outbreak and the death of their people."

"Hey…you had nothing to do with it."

John sighed. "They weren't after me, Rodney. They blamed Beth. Thankfully she was quickly brought here." Rodney looked a little confused, so John asked. "Don't tell me you didn't hear about Nurse Williams bringing Beth and Torren back yesterday for safety reasons?"

"Nope, I've been in my lab most of the time playing catching up on some necessary work seeing as your little crisis kept me away from it for a while."

"Sorry to inconvenience you." John replied sarcastically.

"Yeah well, can't be helped" Rodney quickly changed the subject. "What did they want to do to her?"

"Don't ask but whatever, it would have been something no child deserves."

Rodney thought about it for a minute. "Oh god, they wanted to…."

"Yeah." John shuddered at the thought of the innocent little one and what could have happened to her if he hadn't picked her up out of that drain. She may have survived somehow only to be slaughtered by a group of revengeful townsfolk, if they had realised the truth that is.

"Rodney! What are you doing here before we've even had a chance to examine the Colonel or give him his breakfast?" Jennifer Keller reproached her fiancé as she came to stand at the foot of John's bed. It left John wondering what time it really was.

Rodney didn't look the least bit guilty. "I know it's still quite early but I came to ask him why he's back. He told me the whole thing about Beth. That's awful."

Jennifer nodded and looked at John with a big smile. "Glad you were able to defuse the situation, Colonel."

"Well…it certainly got me out of bed." John said no more so that Rodney wouldn't ask him any awkward questions. Hopefully his friend would think it was due to his lingering soreness.

Jennifer didn't make a thing of it either knowing that John wouldn't appreciate having his little breakdown made known, even to his good friend. She knew the medical staff would keep it to themselves out of their great respect for the colonel and of course, patient confidentiality. She grabbed Rodney's arm. "Come on leave my patient alone so he can eat in peace. After that we'll do the assessment Carson promised you. Okay, Colonel?"

John nodded as Rodney muttered. "Going already. If my fiancée doesn't release you from prison soon enough, just give the word and I'll help you escape."

"Thanks, Rodney. I'll keep that in mind."

Thankfully, John didn't need Rodney's help as both doctors agreed that he would be better off recouping in his own quarters. He had strict orders to rest, eat well, do mild exercise from time to time, but under no circumstances was he to do any work, not even reports or the like. John had no problem obeying that order and he promised to follow their advice to the letter as he knew he was still far from fully recovered. And with the big wedding a few weeks away now, at least he thought so, John was determined he wouldn't look like something the cat dragged in when he played best man.

Teyla arrived in the infirmary shortly afterwards and together with Jennifer they arranged a schedule for John's care, at least for a week or so. Knowing John, he would recover quickly now that he had a more positive frame of mind and would probably be independent in no time at all.

Finally finished with their discussion, Teyla approached John's bed to find him already sitting up and patiently waiting. He was dressed in a t-shirt and sweatpants. He gave her a slight smile but Teyla had the feeling he was in more pain then he liked to admit. Probably caused by the few sores that still needed plenty of healing. "Are you all right?" she asked him quietly so none of the nursing staff could overhear.

John slowly stood being careful not to put too much strain on his skin. "I'm fine, come on let's go before they change their minds."

Teyla nodded and walked by his side as she accompanied him out. She refrained from touching him as she was still unsure of where their relationship really stood at the moment and she knew John wouldn't appreciate any form of intimacy in front of his men. Thankfully Ronon joined them a few minutes later. He would have no qualms about helping John if he needed it, which of course he stubbornly wouldn't.

It took longer than normal for them to reach John's door but it wasn't entirely due to his slower than normal pace. Naturally people were delighted to see him back and relatively mobile, greetings had been exchanged by almost everyone they meet. Thankfully no one wanted to talk other than polite gestures like, 'Welcome back or good to see you on your feet again, sir.' Nevertheless, John was more than grateful when they reached his private sanctuary.

Ronon didn't come in stating that he had a few things to catch-up on and that Major Lorne had already arranged a training session for some of the new recruits. John winced knowing that the Satedan never held back the punches. He told Ronon to go easy on his men because you never know when you might need their help.

Teyla followed John into his quarters. She took in his weary appearance and immediately suggested. "I think you should lie down for a while."

John had already moved over to his freshly made-up bed. "Couldn't agree more." he replied as he carefully eased himself onto it. Fluffing up the pillows, he lay back and smiled up at her. "So how are the kids?"

"They are fine. Amiera is looking after them at the moment. When you feel ready, I believe they would like to see you. Beth in particular keeps asking where Yon is? Torren keeps correcting her, trying very hard to get her to say your name properly."

John gave a little chuckle. "Like Torren pronounces it correctly."

Teyla had to agree with him, but at the same time she wanted to defend her son. "Well at least he is nearly correct."

"Yeah, he does fine considering he's only two. Bright lad that one. He seems to get on great with Beth." John sighed. "It's going to be hard when she has to leave."

Teyla looked pensive and decided this wasn't the time to discuss the little girl's future. She also had a few things to consider before talking it over with him. John needed his rest right now, so the matter would have to wait a while. "We will make plans when you are feeling a little less tired. Now sleep. I will be back later with your lunch."

John nodded, hoping she would come over and give him a goodbye kiss, even if it was only on his cheek. For some reason she didn't and he felt a little disappointed. Maybe now that he wasn't about to die on her and they were back on Atlantis, she felt differently about him. He mulled it over for a while. It was no use worrying about it as she could have a perfectly good reason. Eventually exhaustion caused him to drift off.

oOo

Rodney's babbling woke him later in the day and John wondered what the scientist was doing in his quarters. For some reason he'd slept most of the day away. He vaguely remembered Ronon bringing him some lunch and feeling disappointed that Teyla hadn't shown up, but apparently Torren had fallen and hurt his foot. It had happened just before lunchtime and as a precaution, Teyla had taken him to see a doctor. It turned out it hadn't been necessary as the injury had been very minor indeed.

Rodney spoke again making John curious about it. Either the man was talking to himself or there was someone else in the room with him. John had his face buried in his pillow because he'd ended up sleeping on his stomach, which he normally didn't do all that often. Maybe he'd subconsciously turned over because one lesion on his back was particularly sore. He carefully shifted around to see who Rodney was taking to and was surprised to also see Jennifer. She was standing with her back to his bed so she didn't notice that he was awake.

However, Rodney did and he loudly announced. "Oh you're awake."

"Well, I am now." John grumbled.

Jennifer quickly moved to his side. "Sorry to disturb you, Colonel, but I need to do a quick check. Are you feeling all right because you've slept a great deal today?" She questioned mainly because she was concerned that his depressive mood was back. She didn't mention that in front of Rodney for which John was very grateful.

John slowly turned over and sat up. "Yeah I know. I feel okay, still a bit sore in places. It's getting better though. There's nothing like having your own bed to sleep in and I guess the transfer took more out of me than I thought."

Jennifer nodded. "Well if you hadn't insisted on walking the whole way. Rodney could you wait outside for a minute, I want to take a look at his remaining sores." For once Rodney obliged as he remembered how awful the lesions had looked the last time and had no desire to repeat that experience. Once he was gone, Jennifer asked. "So you're feeling okay in yourself?"

John knew exactly what she was referring too. "Like I said I'm fine. Believe me I'm very, very glad to be home and in my own quarters again."

The young doctor smiled. "And believe me we're very happy to have you back because for a while there…." She left it unsaid as she began to check his skin over and redressed a couple of the more stubborn, slow healing sores. "Well they're looking a little better today, now let's listen to your heart and take your blood pressure. Have you any pain apart from the lesions?"

"Nope." That was the truth. John didn't say anything more as Jennifer did the necessary checks.

"Right everything's looking good. I'll leave your medication and some of Carson's wonder drink." She stood up to leave after patting his hand. "I think Teyla wants to bring the children by for a visit soon so try not to go back to sleep. Oh and it will be okay for you to take a little walk sometime before nightfall. Get someone to go with you though."

"If you leave Rodney here I'm not likely to go back to sleep and he can do the rounds with me."

Jennifer looked at little awkward. "Sorry but he won't be staying this time because we have a meeting with Mr. Woolsey in about thirty minutes to finalise the wedding ceremony."

"Oh…yeah, of course. How long is it now? I've kind of lost count."

Jennifer started to pack her things away. "Exactly two weeks. Rodney's so nervous already. I just hope he can cope when the time comes."

John smiled. "I'm sure he'll be okay. You know if it wasn't for me you'd be married already."

"Let's have none of that. We've been thought it all before, so no more guilty feelings. It's just a short delay, which won't make any difference to our long term happiness."

"Yeah, I guess you guys are practically living together anyway." That just slipped out and John felt a little awkward afterwards as he really didn't know for sure if that was the case.

Jennifer took no offence. In fact, she laughed. "Oh I wouldn't go so far as to say that as Rodney hasn't moved out of his quarters yet but he does spend quite a bit of time in mine and vice versa."

"Have you decided where to live yet?"

Jennifer nodded. "We've found a bigger place. We just need the Daedalus to bring out a king sized bed with a special mattress for Rodney then we're all set up." She tapped John's mattress. "These beds are awfully short, which makes me wonder just how tall the average Ancient was."

"Tell me about it. I should have changed this bed years ago." John commented. He said no more because Rodney popped his head through the door asking what was taking so long.

The couple left John in peace shortly after to go to their meeting. Left to his own devices John decided to get up and stretch his legs, he needed a trip to his bathroom anyway. Carefully entering the room he took care of business, thankful once again that the Ancients had designed the facilities for easy use. He had chosen these particular quarters because of the large walk-in shower and richly designed bathroom, which he'd freshened up several years ago using various shades of blue. Rodney could keep his bath as soaking for hours on end just weren't John's thing.

Afterwards he carefully moved over to the basin to wash his hands. John knew he needed a shave and should also brush his teeth as his breath was probably not the freshest. Yet he was reluctant to face the large mirror that covered the wall behind the basin and the shelf that housed his things. Reluctant to see his reflection as it would be the first time since the whole nearly dying thing had begun. It made him wonder what the hell he looked like and how bad the damage had been. He usually wasn't that vain but he was well aware that he was considered a good looking guy despite his wild, bed-head hair. Had he lost his looks in just a few short weeks since the virus had gotten hold of him? The lesions he'd been able to see on his arms had been pretty yucky looking before they'd started to heal. Jennifer had reassured him that they wouldn't leave too much scaring. Nevertheless some had, especially on his arms and chest. Okay they could still disappear over time. It was just well…what about his face?

Taking a deep breath, John picked up the courage to raise his head and face the mirror like a man. He didn't exactly gasp but the noise he made wasn't far off. What he saw explained why some of the passersby had looked at him the way they had, especially the females. It wasn't quite as bad as he thought. However, he looked terribly gaunt. Dark rings under his eyes added to the fact to make him look quite sickly still. The few sores on the side of his face were mainly healed, although the skin was still red giving the appearance of an angry rash. He definitely needed a shave, the stubble and his wild hair just added to the overall appearance of looking like a junky after an all night binge on alcohol and drugs.

Not that good looking now are we? John thought as he stared for a few more minutes, wondering if his despair was really over. Then another thought entered his mind. Rodney's wedding was two weeks away and there was no way he would look like this when he gave his speech. He still had to write it but at least he had plenty of time now to do so. John decided he had to pull himself together and put all the horrors behind him and move on. One thing that may have helped would have been a long hot shower but the doctors had been adamant that he should wait until all the sores were completely scabbed over. One on his leg and another on his arm were still covered in dressings being stubborn to heal, they were actually the first ones to appear when his illness had first started. Well if he couldn't shower then he could certainly have a darn good wash.

He came out of the bathroom thirty minutes later to find Teyla and the children waiting patiently on his bed. "Sorry, I didn't hear you come in."

Teyla smiled at him. "We have only been here a few minutes. I hope you do not mind that we let ourselves in. I rang the chime. However, you did not answer and I was concerned until I realised you were probably in the bathroom."

John sat beside her and loosely wrapped his arm around her. "Hey it's alright you can enter anytime while I'm laid-up…." He was about to say more when Beth climbed onto his lap and flung her arms around his neck. John winced as she pressed more than one or two really tender places. He put up with it though as he really didn't want to push the child away. "Nice to see you too, kids." He turned to Torren to make sure he included him in that sentiment.

Thankfully Torren didn't make a move to jump on him like he sometimes did, instead he said. "Momma says you have boo-boos so I must leave you alone. Beth no listens to Momma."

John ruffled the boy's hair. "I don't think she understands quite yet, Torren. Thank you for being so kind and thoughtful because I do hurt." He turned to Teyla with a smile and they looked each other directly in the eyes. If the kids hadn't have been there John was sure they would have shared a warm and passionate kiss. Not that he was ready for anything more just yet but a kiss would have been nice. "We still need to have that talk sometime," he reminded her.

"Yes we do. Maybe when the children are tucked up in bed you could come by and we can talk. It does not have to be straight away as you are still not fit enough to spend too long out of bed."

John was kind of disappointed by the suggestion to wait but he didn't show it. She was right he did need to be fitter before spending the evening at her place. "Okay we can wait a little longer. We have to talk about Beth's future as well. Do you know of any couple that could take her in?"

Teyla shook her head. She didn't want to go there at this moment, so she tried to put him off. "That can also wait. Do not underestimate how much she might understand of what we say."

John looked at the little girl who was still cuddled into him, busily sucking her thumb. What was it about this child that made them so close? A thought sprung to mind but it was a stupid notion as he had never been to Bellem, so there was no way she could be his daughter. Anyway she didn't look a bit like him and what little hair was now growing through was very fair indeed. And despite what Rodney liked to call him, he really hadn't had that many encounters over the last six years. In fact, he couldn't even remember the last time.

"Yeah you could be right," he murmured before saying. "Jennifer said I should take a little walk. Feel like going with me kids, plus mum of course?"

Torren understood and immediately jumped off the bed. Teyla stood up and reached to take Beth out of his arms but she clung to him tightly. "Come on, little lady, you can hold my hand and help me along. You too Torren" John called. Beth must have understood now because she allowed John to put her down and together they left his quarters hand in hand.

Teyla followed behind them, amused to see John playing the role of dad so well. It shouldn't have surprised her really because he had always been good around children. It only confirmed something she really needed to do. She only hoped that John would go along with it even though it would mean some upheaval in their lives.

TBC