Scars fade away
Before school, I was going to tell my parents that I was going over to Santana's, but they didn't really care. Surprise, right? I finish stuffing my books into my locker, then meet Santana out at the McKinley parking lot. She's standing by the curb and as soon as her eyes land on me, she does a gesture in the air. A cab pulls up before us and she reaches for the door so I could get inside. We both smile simultaneously as I slide to the far side of the vehicle. She gets in after me and tells the driver to go across town. Halfway into the ride, I see her fighting to stay awake. She's sleepy. How cute. I wrap my right arm around her neck gently and she leans into me. The feeling in my stomach makes my spine tingle and my heart flutter with joy.
About half an hour later, the cab stops in front of the apartment complex by the mini-mart. I hand the driver a fifty dollar bill and carry out Santana in my arms. Her eyes begin to open slowly. She smiles and wraps her arms around my neck so she won't slip and fall from mine.
"Tell me where to go boss." I tease and pass the elevator to stop in front of some stairs. She giggles as I put her down. We begin to walk up the stairs to her apartment. I step into the entrance of the a small hallway and breathe in deeply. I'm nervous to see her aunt again. Maybe she was just being nice when she told Santana I was beautiful. I look around and everything is so...mistreated. The wallpaper on the wall is coming off and I see mold on the corner of the door frame. This isn't healthy. It can't be. If she and her family lived with me, they'd have better things. I care about Santana and her family. More than I have with any other people in this entire planet. They're like the family I never had.
She leads me to a second empty hall where there are two different doors. The olive green paint is fading and the lights keep flickering on and off. We stop in front of what seems to be her door. G35. She smiles softly at me. I smile back, then nudge her playfully to open the door. She giggles and turns the door knob slowly. I step inside and my eyes land on the decorations all over the walls and coffee tables. Pictures of Santana, her cousins, and her aunt. Paintings of roses and flowers, that I'm guessing Santana did. And so many other things. Then, there are loud footsteps that sound like high heels banging against the wooden floor. All the kids come in front of Adriana as she pushes them ahead gently. A huge smile comes across the woman's face and I finally start to relax.
"Oh Brittany! How are you, mija?" she asks and I giggle as she hugs me tightly. Santana is fixing her cousin's costume as they all prance around her happily.
"I'm okay, thank you. How are you?" I ask and bend down to meet with all the smaller children. She sighs and runs her hand through her hair.
"I've been better. These kids and all their costumes. ¿Que voy hacer?" she says frustrated with a slight smile. She walks into the kitchen to get grocery bags and hands one to each of the kids.
"Remember Santana, no dirty business, okay?" she tells her and winks at me. I bite the inside of my cheek so that I won't let out a loud giggle. When I turn to face her, I see she lowers her head to hide her blush. It's cute. She's cute. They start heading out and I quickly see Santana's smile fade. She quickly goes into the kitchen and takes out a bottle of water. I walk over and stand next to her by the fridge. Her eyes look so lost and hopeless.
"Whats wrong?" I ask softly and stroke her arm lightly. She breathes out deeply and shakes her head.
"Nothing..."
"Tell me."
Our eyes lock, then she averts her gaze to the floor as she crosses her arms. "I told myself I was going to buy them Halloween baskets for their candy, but I couldn't. I didn't get paid enough."
I stand motionless beside her not knowing what to say. "It's okay, San. You-"
"No, Brittany. You don't get it. Look at what you have and look at what I have. You have a house and money and all that. I don't. I have to live off from pay check to pay check trying to get at least a gallon of milk in my fridge."
she holds her head in frustration and kicks her fridge while slamming a drawer shut. My body shivers at her words. I wish she'd just let me take care of her and her family. She's so caring for others surrounding her. I love that about her. Someone just needs to give that back to her. I step closer and she shakes her head, telling me to leave her alone. But I can't. I won't. My arms wrap around her tightly as she tries fighting my grip. Finally, she gives in and sobs while resting her head on my chest.
"Just let me take care of you." I whisper and tilt her head up. Once again, our eyes meet. A small smile comes across her face, but tears still seem to be forming. Her arms rest on my shoulders; around my neck. Faces so close, yet so far apart. My hands run up her thighs, cherishing and making a memory of this very moment. Now they're placed on her waist as she leans against the kitchen counter. She breathes in, then out while staring into my eyes. Our foreheads press against each others and eyes close shut. I feel her warm breath tickle my lips as she lets out a soft sigh. Slowly and ever so gently, her lips brush against mine. They don't touch; just stroke. It's like she's teasing me. I don't mind though. Someone as amazing as her is worth waiting for.
"I'm sorry." she says weakly and plays with the end of my shirt. "I just...I freak out. I didn't mean to take it out on you."
"...you know why you're so lucky, Santana? You may not have money, but you do have people that love you. And I think that's so much better."
Our eyes lock and she smiles softly. "People that love me, huh?"
I smile and glance to the floor shyly. A giggle escapes her lips, then kiss my cheek lightly. My heart rate increases and I can't feel my face. Her eyes land on the small drawer below the TV set while I stare at her longingly.
"What do you want to watch? I have a lot of movies, but I don't know if you're going to like them."
I follow her into her living room and she hands me a stack of DVDs, then goes into her kitchen again. I pick out a random one and give it to her. She pops it in, gets the popcorn with one drink. I stare at it longingly. This is like what couples do. Isn't it? I mean, I've seen movies where they do. Am I really going to share it with her? Holy crap. This is amazing I can't—
"Do you want your own?" she asks me and points to the big cup filled with Coca Cola.
I shake my head immediately. "No, no, no. This is um-, this is fine." I reply with a goofy smile and she nods while grabbing some popcorn from the bowl between us. I reach for a handful and pop some into my mouth.
Forty minutes into the movie and I already feel like something is going to jump from behind the TV and attack me. My heart is beating way too fast. I can barely breathe. The blankets that are covering us are making me uncomfortably hot as we sit on the floor, leaning against the couch. Santana seems so relaxed. So calm. My eyes slowly begin to gaze up her legs, to where her hands are placed. Then our eyes meet. She smiles momentarily and looks back at the TV screen. Her body moves slightly closer to mine. Then, she moves the empty bowl of popcorn to her left along with the cup of soda. My heart is accelerating to its maximum speed and I can't seem to control it. Should I just...hold her? I have no idea how or where to position my hands and make it comfortable. Then, I feel her link her right arm with my left. It's like every nerve in my entire body has just been hit with an electrical current. Her hand slowly traces down and links with mine. Our forearms are gracefully touching each others as if they were meant to be. Like a puzzle.
"Don't be scared." she whispers and rests her head on my shoulder. The way she makes me feel is completely indescribable. To her, I'm worth something. Yet, I'm invisible to the naked eye. No one sees me. If I pass by a group of people with an atomic bomb in my hand, they wouldn't even notice. Except for her. Santana. The girl that found me in a lonely cave and led me out of the darkness. The girl that understands my weaknesses and embraces them as if they were her own.
The room is quiet and the only sound is the continuous beating of our hearts. Suddenly, her arm extends to the small table beside her. She turns off the TV and I quickly jerk my head towards her.
"You were getting scared." she states with a smile and I shake my head rapidly.
"No I wasn't."
"Either it was the movie," she begins to say and pushes the remote away from her path. Our eyes lock and a small smirk plays across her lips. One leg swings to the other side of my body as she straddles my hips. "or something else..." she whispers into my ear twirls a strand of my hair with her index finger. Yes. She's right. It was something else. It was her. I wasn't scared; she should know she makes me nervous. My back is against the couch while I try and keep my cool. Her face is inches away from mine. Not even inches; millimeters. My hands travel up her thighs and get a firm hold of her waist. The grip I have on her shirt tightens and tightens while my nervousness grows. A knot forms in my throat, along with one in my stomach. Her lips. I want them on me. I want them on my neck. On my skin. And on my lips. She's leaning in closer and I do the same. Her hand gently comes up and moves my hair from my eyes. My heart is clenching with so affection for this girl. Finally, we're as close as possible. I lean in a little closer and then—
There's a knock at the door. Santana pulls her head back and curses under her breathe. I look up at the ceiling and breathe out.
"Damn, why now?" I ask the empty space above me and slap my palm to my forehead in disappointment. As she gets up to answer it, I follow quickly behind her. She unlocks the door, opens it, then both our eyes meet with Hailey, her twelve year old cousin. I smile and she returns it, but looks down to not meet Santana's gaze.
"Hailey, what are you doing here? I thought you were trick-or-treating."
"I didn't want to go."
"What? Why?" Santana asks and turns on the light outside.
"Where's mom?" she asks and Hailey shrugs. Its cute how she calls her aunt mom. That way she doesn't feel like anything is missing. "You know how mad she's going to be when she finds out you ran away to play with your friend."
"Chill out. Carson was with me." I look down at both girls and smile. They remind me of Santana and I. Carson is a girl with shiny blonde hair and bright blue eyes like mine. Santana glances at me and crosses her arms. "And besides, I told her already. She said we could be in her room."
I look at Santana and give her a small grin. She tucks her hands in her back pockets and let's out a small giggle.
"Okay. Fine, fine." she says and both girls run inside. We both sit back down against the couch and listen to Carson and Hailey's giggling from the other room.
"They're cute." I say and turn my body so that it's facing her. She nods contently and breathes in deeply. "They remind me of these two really cute girls that are always hanging out with each other." I continue.
She giggles understanding the meaning behind the joke. "Carson reminds me of this really cute blonde that annoys me everyday."
My mouth drops and I nudge her playfully. "Then maybe you should get rid of her!" I say loudly and attack her. She laughs hysterically and tries fighting me off as we wrestle on the floor. We tire each other out and I end up on top. She's breathing heavily as I hold her arms down to the ground. A huge smile comes across her face and I feel my heart pumping uncontrollably.
"I don't want to get rid of her." she says weakly and looks deeply into my blue eyes. My hands run down her body and I feel it heat up instantly.
"You don't have to." I whisper in her ear and kiss her jawline gently. She breathes in sharply and lets out a nervous chuckle.
"Santana, remember the rules." I hear a voice from the kitchen and stay motionless on her hips. Santana sighs and closes her eyes.
"Geez, Hailey. Not now." she mumbles and I quickly get off of her. My cheeks start heating up, meaning they're changing to a light shade of pink. Santana sits up on her elbows beside me and bites her lip in embarrassment. She's just so freaking cute. Hailey giggles and grabs two juice boxes from the side of the fridge. Her eyes land on Santana and she begins making kissing noises while walking away.
"Very funny." she tells her and runs her had through her hair. "Sorry." she says and breathes out deeply.
"Do you always bring girls home?" I ask while looking down at the floor. From the corner of my eye, I can see she has an 'are you serious' expression planted on her face.
"No, actually. You're the first." she replies and I look up so our eyes meet. We stare at each other momentarily until I avert my gaze to the clock above the TV set. 7:47 pm. "I know what you're thinking, but its not like that."
My eyes find her's once more and they're so sincere and honest. How can I doubt her one second?
"You should know that, Brittany."
I don't say anything. Instead, I smile and press my lips against her cheek. I hear a sigh of relief escape her lips as I lean back in my original position.
Seconds later, someone comes through the front door. Its Amelia, Adriana and the kids.
"Hello, we're home!" Adriana shouts and I giggle. Santana does too, then we see Hailey come out with her friend. Amelia smirks at me and I lower my head so that my blush won't be visible.
"Speaking of home," I say and get up. "I have to go..." I finish and the smile on Santana's face fades away.
"How are you getting there?"
"I'll just take the bus or something."
"Here Santana," Adriana interrupts and throws a ring of keys her way. "take her home." she says with a grin. Santana smiles widely and grabs my hand.
"Wait," I go over to Adriana and give her a hug. "thanks for everything."
She giggles and both her hands grab my right one. "Come here whenever your heart desires."
My heart clenches and I nod repeatedly. I go to Amelia and hug her as well, then Santana and I head out.
As we get into the car, my heart is beating faster than its normally supposed to. Santana inserts the key in the ignition, twists it and the engine roars.
"Is it weird that the thought of you driving is a huge turn on?" I ask while putting on my seat belt. She giggles and puts it in reverse.
"Not really." she replies and turns her back to the end of the car, checking for anything in its way. "I do look pretty hot." she says with a smirk and accelerates to the traffic light before it turns red. A huge smile comes across my face as I watch her hair flow with the slight breeze coming through the window. She reaches for my hand and places it in the middle by the cup holders. My heart thumps. Stops. Turns. I don't know what it does, but it makes me lose my breath. We stop at an ice-cream place a couple of minutes later. It's all too familiar. The chairs. The huge parking lot. It's where my grandma and I came last time. All the butterflies in my stomach soon begin to die out as Santana parks the car. Her hand lets go of mine and I jerk my head towards her.
"You okay?" she asks and strokes the surface of my hand with her thumb. The butterflies come back again and I nod.
"Why are we here?" I ask and she smiles.
"I don't want to take you home yet." she replies shyly. I bite my lip and let out a nervous laugh. She tugs my hand and we walk out. As we walk into the ice-cream parlor, I glance down the rows of different flavors. A guy, about our age, asks me what we want from the other side of the ice-cream tubs.
"I'll have strawberry." I say and look to Santana. "You?"
She shakes her head. "No thanks."
The guy hands me a cup with strawberry ice-cream, then looks to Santana. "How 'bout Butter Pecan?" he suggests with a perverted smirk. My ears are bleeding. This cannot be happening.
"Sorry," I begin and grab Santana's hand. "she doesn't like nuts."
Her mouth opens in awe. She points and laughs at him as we walk out. I didn't pay for my ice-cream. It's okay, it can come off that guys paycheck. We walk to the other side of the parking lot to the car. Immediately, Santana pulls me with her. My waist slams against the back of the car while her hands have a firm hold on my hips. I'm looking down at her and she's looking up at me. She looks at the ice-cream in my hand and smiles.
"Is strawberry your favorite?" she asks in a whisper and I shake my head.
"No, but I know it's yours." I reply and she stares at me longingly. Her hand runs up my thigh and the ice-cream cup drops. She smirks because she knows that when she does that, I lose control. Her hand reaches for mine and I receive it, then open the door to the back seats of the car. The windows are tinted, so no one can see us. I go in first, then she comes in behind me. A smile comes across her face as she straddles my hips. I feel like I'm floating. Hallucinating. Like this is just a fantasy being played in my mind, but it's not. It's real. She's real. The moonlight reflects on her big brown eyes as I stare into them. My breathing becomes heavy. Her index finger presses against my lips and I shiver.
"Shh..." she calms me and licks her lips. I swallow hard, then suddenly, I feel her lips press against my neck. My eyes close and I feel goosebumps rise on my arms.
Holy crap, do that again.
She plants soft kisses down my neck and collar bone as if I were a precious medallion. My hands scratch down her back as I grip her shirt in pleasure. She stops and I slowly open my eyes. Our chests are heaving simultaneously.
"Are you okay?" she asks and I nod with a smile. "did I scare you?"
I shake my head and bring her body closer to mine. "No."
A soft smile comes on her face. She leans in and kisses my forehead gently as she lets out a sigh of relief. "Let's get you home."
What a tease. The ride home is silent, but a peaceful silence. Our hands are intertwined once again as she drives to my home safely. We go through the gates of my house and she drops me off at my steps. The light in my parents' bedroom is on, so of course they must be here.
"It's nine o' clock. Are you going to be okay?" she asks in a whisper with a fearful look on her face.
"Yeah, yeah. Thanks for everything. I had fun. A lot of fun, actually."
She blushes and bites her lip shyly. I start to reach for my door and she grabs my forearm suddenly. "Be careful, Britt. Please." she tells me and I nod. She nods too and starts walking backwards while waving good-bye. I wave back and enter my house. My parents are nowhere to be seen, so race up my room. I lie in bed, listening to them argue from the room next door. My mothers shrill cry and my fathers obnoxious shouts never let me sleep. As long as I'm not in between their fights, I'll survive.