Ch. 13: Diner Debacles and Key Offerings

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

EPOV

After our present buying fiasco, our lives seem to hit a nice, smooth lull. I got to see Bella everyday, and I spent most nights with her.

I loved those nights. They were filled with warmth and cuddling.

Yeah, I liked to cuddle. Her body fit perfectly next to mine and the knowledge that I was near her was enough to make my dreams full of rainbows and fucking puppies.

I had become completely and totally dependent on that small, delicate, stubborn as hell woman.

The only thing that bothered me now was she never offered for me to stay the night; I only stayed when I had asked beforehand. When I did ask I made sure to bring my bag with me, so I wouldn't need the extra time to walk to my place and get clothes.

I felt so insecure about things that I ended up going to Jasper for advice on the subject. I thought it would help how I felt, but only instituted the fact further that I was the cause. I desperately wanted to know why Bella never asked me out, or asked me anything relationship wise for that matter.

"Edward, Bella loves you. She is all in, man. Don't stress so much."

I felt the obvious need to point out to him that I have no fucking clue if that was even correct.

"She hasn't said that. I just want to know why she is always waiting for me to do things. I would feel a lot better if she would just ask me to spend the night or fucking move in, but I get nothing."

He shook his head then looked me in the eye.

"She doesn't have to say it. I can see it, and you want to live with Bella?"

I scratched my head. "I don't know, but, shit, the offering wouldn't be bad. I just want to know it's something she still wants."

Jasper took a deep breath, "Edward. What happened last time Bella asked you those things? What did you do when she mentioned you living with her? What did you do after she asked you to hang out, not even date, what did you do all those times?"

I thought about it. After every time Bella initiated any type of activity or the one time she said anything about living with her, I freaked out. Like, major freaked out. Fuck, we didn't talk for two weeks.

"I ran away. I avoided."

"Exactly. Now ,why would she ask you something like that again? Maybe she's letting you move at your own pace or something. I mean Bella's ready when you are. She offered everything first now she's just waiting for you to come to terms with it."

He shrugged and jumped off the bar stool.

"It'll work out, Ed. Don't think so damn much."

I sat on the stool and thought about what Jasper had said.

Bella was really fucking intuitive, so she probably had this all figured out. She didn't want to make me uncomfortable; she wanted me to lead the way. However, I was pretty fucking certain I would never broach the subject of possibly living with her and I knew she wouldn't ask again.

Everything we did seemed to be based on me; it was always when I wanted to do something, how I wanted to do it, where I wanted to go.

I hated it, but I knew that it was probably nessacary.

Bella would voice opinions, but she wouldn't initiate dates or ask me to spend the night. I never took things farther sexually than we did the night of our date; no matter how tempting Bella was, and, my God, was she tempting. She had no clue how every fucking move she made dripped with seduction to me. Shit, even her clumsiness was endearing, and when she would blush after she tripped or dropped something, I would think of orgasms and how she would always tug softly on my hair when she came. That was the most beautiful sight in the whole world. I didn't care what room we were in or position; I would always open my eyes and watch that face she makes.

For the love of God, that would always happen. I would start thinking about Bella and moving forward and how she doesn't really initiate anything, and then I would get sidetrack by sex. Not that it wasn't a valid thought process, but I seriously needed to get my head in the game if I wanted this to work out.

I forced myself away from those thoughts and realized that we needed to be partners. Bella needed to help make decisions in our relationship, but it order to do that, I didn't need to jump like a fucking scared puppy when she mentioned next level relationship things.

Fuck me, Jasper was probably right. How do I change this now? She won't talk about it, and I'm scared shitless.

I glanced at the calendar behind the bar and saw my sign in the form of a brightly colored row of days. Alice's birthday weekend.

Maybe I could ask Bella if I could spend that whole weekend at her place? I could say that it would be easier since they all lived in the same building, and I wouldn't have to go back and forth. Then I could slowly ease the idea of moving in with her into conversation over the next couple of days.

I realized that most people knew each other longer than two months before they moved in together but I loved spending time with Bella.

I just needed to make it work out all right.

BPOV

Life was going great. I had never felt more at ease than the last month.

Things with Edward were amazing. We went out on more dates. I would show him around the city and point out places I liked. On our days at work we would pass time with our question game or some other random topic of conversation. Like today, we were arguing the difference between Dr. Pepper and Mr. Pibb.

"One of them has a better education, Bella, and that it why it's more well-known. The other is just some regular guy."

I scoffed at his logic and rolled my eyes. He was so adorable sometimes.

"That makes absolutely no sense. Edward, these aren't even real people. Hell, they are beverages they can't hold educational degrees!"

I knew I looked crazy because my hands were gesturing wildly, but he just laughed at me and brought his arms around my waist.

"You're getting feisty. You said a bad word."

Edward said the last part in a sing-song voice that he punctuated with pokes into my side causing me to tense up and giggle. He was getting into the habit of calling me out whenever I swore.

I turned my head to see him before saying, "You are entirely to blame; you know that, right? You cuss like a fucking sailor."

He smirked down at me before he moved his lips next my ear, "Talk dirty to me, Bella."

I rolled my eyes and let out an exaggerated breath as Edward started laughing into my neck.

I loved when he was playful with me. This Edward was so much easier to interact with. Emo Edward was impulsive and jumpy. I tended to walk on eggshells if he came out to play. Lucky for me, that Edward was seeing less and less playing time.

Days like this were so fun; it was a little after three in the afternoon the bar was closed to regular customers and it was just us here. We could laugh and be silly together while attempting to clean up around the bar. I used to hate this part of the week, but since Edward came into my life, straightening up the floor wasn't that bad.

Some days we would listen to fun music and dance around, other times Edward would play some of his own songs for me. He was so talented, but when I asked him why he didn't pursue music he shrugged and said, "I want to play for the people who don't have anywhere else to go."

I had wrapped my arms around his shoulders as he held his guitar.

"Then I'm glad you can sing for them, just promise to sing for me, too. I love your voice."

Edward singing with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, eyes closed, slight stubble on his chin, was very close to a sexual experience, of course, I didn't tell him all this, but I had noticed that sometimes when he sang for me his voice would change slightly to his sex voice.

Yes, there was a difference, and it made me want to jump him before he could finish the song.

Edward turned me around quickly, making me come back to the present. He picked me up and sat me on the stool behind us. He moved to stand between my legs.

We were quiet for a few moments.

Edward was playing with my hair and looking at my shoulders. Alice had cut up my shirt the other day so now I had a scoop neck top that displayed my collar bones and neck better. He said it was distracting; obviously it was distracting him now.

"I wanted to ask you something, Bella, uh, about this weekend."

He sound so unsure of himself, and to be honest, that made me a little worried. Unsure Edward equaled Emo Edward. I decided to take a teasing approach to the subject, hoping it would lighten the tension of the conversation.

"What's on your mind, Eddie?" I ran my fingers through his hair as he groaned.

He really didn't like nicknames, but he never told me to stop. Mostly, I called him that because it aggravated Emmett. I could totally get away with it, while Em would either get a slap on the head or shot the finger.

"I was wondering if it would be alright to stay the whole weekend with you. I think it would be easier for us if I stayed close with everyone, you know?"

I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. That wasn't what I had expected at all, but I would take it. Slowly, but surely, we were moving forward.

"I think that's a great idea. Also, it helps that I love having you there. I hate the nights that I'm by myself." I kissed his nose and moved to get up.

I heard him whisper as I moved beside him, "I miss being with you, too."

That was it. Conversation closed. I knew he wasn't ready to settle down, and I didn't want to force him. I wanted Edward to want to be with me.

We got through with cleaning and started to leave. It was the middle of July now, and Edward and I had known each other around two months.

I knew I loved him, I shared a bed with him, I was intimate with him.

I really wanted him with me all the time, but I was prepared to wait. This weekend would be great starting ground for that.

When we got out on the sidewalk, we decided to head to the little dinner down the street and get something to eat.

It didn't matter of many times we had eaten there Edward was weird and insisted on looking at the menu. He always got the same thing, and the couple of times I tried to order right away when the waitress came up he looked as if I grown an extra head.

"What if I see something else I want to try?" He would always ask me.

So to stop any food related incidents, I asked for extra time when the waitress came to take our order.

"Aren't you sweet? Giving me more time and not making fun. I might have to reward you later." He looked up and winked at me.

Edward and I had yet to have sex. This was the only topic I ever initiated because Edward seemed to want to move slowly. I didn't mind slow, but there is a natural progression to these things and I might have sounded like a whore, but I wanted to progress!

The diner was basically empty, so I figured no time like the present to initiate a sex related discussion.

"I know a way you can reward me. I think we would both enjoy it." I slipped my flip-flop off and brushed up his leg.

He eyes immediately flashed up to mine and went dark. His lips pulled up into my favorite crooked grin, and he grabbed my foot and began to rub circles on my heel.

"Oh, love, you are bad, but I think that will have to wait."

He gently set my foot down beside his leg on the seat. He knew I was talking about sex. It had been getting harder and harder to stop with just touching and kissing, and he seemed immune to desire.

"Why, Edward? I love what we do now, but sweet Jesus, I want more. Don't you want to?"

EPOV

There was no way to handle this situation without upsetting Bella. If I said that I wanted her she would want to know why I had stopped us from having sex, and if I said I didn't want to have sex right now she would think I didn't want her.

And I sure as fuck wanted Bella.

I figured I would just be as honest as possible. I would tell her how I felt and hoped she understood.

"I want you, Bella. Don't doubt that." I started in only to be cut off by a slightly irate Bella.

"Then what is it? Is it because I'm not that experienced? Are you worried about it being awkward?" She whispered angrily across the table.

"That's not it at all! You know that's not true. Have I ever treated you like you were fucking inferior because of that?"

I tried to keep my voice down, but if things kept escalating between us the whole diner would know our business. I think that one incident in a restaurant was enough to last me awhile.

Just as Bella was getting ready to say something, the waitress come back up and asked for our orders. We must have looked upset because she wrote down what we wanted and left very quickly.

"We'll talk about this at home. Our problems don't need to be discussed in a booth at some diner with people around. You need time to calm down, too. Just think about what you said Bella…"

I closed my eyes as I said the last two sentences. I had just fucked up. According to Emmett, you must never tell your woman to "calm down". Those two words will lead to an unhappy pecker. His words, not mine.

"Calm down? Really? Just don't talk to me, Edward. I'm hungry, and I think if this conversation continues then I will be walking home before I get my cheese steak."

I nodded my head and didn't speak. She was right. This would have to wait until we got home. I mean, until we got to Bella's.

We sat in silence for a few minutes then our food arrived. It wasn't nearly as awkward with food there. Then we had something to occupy us instead sitting there tense and avoiding eye contact like before.

After we had both finished and paid, we started for the door. Once we were on the sidewalk and walking in the direction of Bella's apartment I decided to start talking. I needed to make this right. I reached out and grabbed her hand. I didn't want to stop, so I kept walking as I began my explanation.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I want you, believe me. I just…God…I want to make sure we're on the same page here. I don't do casual, and I know you don't either. Sex has been something, for me, that always ended up being a regret. I fucked up before. I shouldn't have been with those other girls. I have made myself stay away from intimacy because I knew that I shouldn't put myself in that position unless I was certain of the relationship. I'm certain of you, Bella, but I'm so worried you are going to realize what a fuck up I am and leave."

She started to talk but I cut her off, "Bella if you left me right now I would be devastated. If I made love to you and you left me I would be destroyed. It has nothing to do with wanting you. It has everything to do with me being really fucking scared."

She stopped and stared at me.

"I understand. I feel the same way though." She leaned into me before adding quietly, "I just don't have it in me to resist anymore." She squeezed my hand and we continued walking. "Let's just let things go naturally. I'll stop pushing you."

I smiled at her and we continued on to her apartment.

Crisis averted for another day.

"Are you staying tonight?"

Bella was in the kitchen getting us some water before we had to leave for work. After the diner things had been pretty calm. We came back here and Bella changed into another pair of jeans, but she kept on the Alice altered t-shirt while I sat on the couch.

"I don't have my bag with me tonight. I just brought my guitar this morning."

"You don't need your bag, Edward. You sleep in your boxers anyway. Just stay."

She was walking back into the living room as she finished her sentence. Her collar bones on display and begging to be licked.

"If you promise to go to bed topless, I'll stay."

The sentence was out of my mouth before I could stop myself. Lucky for me Bella just laughed and rolled her eyes.

"Okay." She shrugged and handed me the bottle of water before sitting next to me. "I probably would have ended up without that anyway."

"You really don't mind me staying here all the time? I don't want to intrude."

That was part of my problem. I never wanted to overstay my welcome with Bella. That's why I wanted her to bring up moving in again. If I did it and she said yes then I would make myself believe she said yes out of obligation.

Nothing was ever fucking easy when it came to me.

"I want you here. We've discussed it before and the answer is still the same. You can stay here as often as you like. I would offer you a key, but I think that is something that you might need time to adjust to first."

I felt my eyes go wide and she must have thought I looked scared because she tacked on quickly, "I'm not asking you to move in. I'm just saying if you would like I can get you a key and you can come and go as you please. I wouldn't mind."

I sincerely hated the fact that I made her doubt me. She would put a thought out there but then add that little clause with it every time.

You might need time to adjust.

Only if you want to.

I also hated that I needed her to do it. It made me feel insanely better when I realized Bella wasn't looking for an immediate answer, but she was merely suggesting.

This weekend was supposed to be the trial move in period for me without Bella knowing. Maybe it would be easier to accept the key then slowly start bringing my stuff over. Then there wouldn't be a formal asking on either of our parts and when the time came it would be more of a casual progression than a huge step.

This would work better. I was sure of it, even if my logic was backwards and shitty.

"I think that's a great idea. That way when you start back to school I can come and wait for you here. You know surprise you with dinner or something."

Bella smiled widely at me, "I'll get you one tomorrow."

She leaned in to kiss me quickly. We enjoyed the soft feeling of each other lips for several minutes before Bella pulled away.

"We need to leave. We're going to be late and I do not want to listen to Emmett do the 'You're fired' thing tonight."

I hopped up quickly, and we started for the door.

I couldn't take my eyes off of Bella as she moved in front of me. This was the woman that I was fairly certain I wanted to spend forever with. I wanted to make Seattle my permanent home. I knew I would still get the itch to move sometimes, but I would always keep those trips short. I had a lot to decide, and I knew that this weekend was going to be our test run.

I also knew without a shadow of a doubt that this weekend I was going to make love to Bella. For the first time in my life, I would be handing someone my entire heart. I was willing and ready to do this and I knew Bella was too.

We were ready to progress.

Bella was going to give me a key.

If only I felt as secure as my heart told me I should. I was desperately hoping my mind wouldn't fuck me in the end.

Thanks for reading!