Sidenotes: Must stop procrastinating. Must stop procrastinating. Must stop procrastinating.

Also, I've changed the genres of the fic to Humor/Romance rather than Action/Adventure/Romance. There's more humor than action and adventure so far. Besides, if I write anything serious in the future (GASP! Me, be serious?) then I want something to distinguish that. Even though I think this rewrite is far more serious than the original.

And I'm pretty sure I got the time of death for Sun Jian wrong (as in the season), but again, I point to the title and wait for you to say anything else about the matter.

I was also told that the plot's been muddling along through side-plots. I'll admit, it's true. Slap the lazy author. So I'm finally getting along with this. (Another reviewer asked about Lady Ma, and since it seems you guys miss her so much … don't worry! You'll be seeing plenty of her now! Teehee … just kidding, of course. Or am I?)

Thank you's: To the wonderful reviewers whom I love forever! Seriously, your comments keep this story chugging along (even at the slow pace it is …). Eternal thanks to Adamantina (or Kat, one and the same), Valiowk, YanHworang, lilswtchibi, Sunflower, Kaze ni Tenshi, Sadistic Memory, DryTortugas, Mary, Empowerism, Commander Ce, stackles, and sage-serenity. You guys are so much more important to this story than you think. Ihr seid COOL! And I doubt I said that right. (Whoops, there's one final failed … xP)

Warning: Anonymous reviewers can check the Author's Lounge in the link in my profile. That's where anon-review replies are now located. They should be labeled as such.

Disclaimer: Everyone in this chapter and, in fact, the entire fic, belongs to Koei (except the phrase "Girley-Men", which belongs to the Governator). This is except for the OC's, who belong to nobody. I don't hold a registered copyright over Lady Ma, after all. Which may or may not be a good thing. Though technically she is my creation.

Enough legal schmuck. Onward!

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A STORY WRITTEN HISTORICALLY INACCURATELY

Chapter Thirteen: I'm Bored

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Running, running. Away from Zhou Yu's wife, with the soft honey-colored hair, wide innocent eyes. The sound of his feet slapping against the ground seemed to shoot through his ears and piece through his skull, as did the constant jingling of his bells. Soon, however, all was drowned out by the pumping of his heart, the throbbing in his head, the heaviness of his breath, the—

CRASH!

Why was it that the palace of Wu had pillars in all the wrong places? Gan Ning pried his face out of the stone, shoulders sagging. A cry of pain lay lodged somewhere within his throat, stuck there like an accidentally-swallowed fish bone. Why was life so cruel? Why? Wh—

And then he saw her.

She was beautiful. Gan Ning had apparently run to one of the dead ends of the halls, which was accompanied by a large balcony. The door leading to the balcony had been left open, and he could see her slender form through the open doorway. Everything about her seemed perfect: her rebelliously short haircut, the curve of her slender waist, the pants that flattered her legs. Clouds drifted, and the sun shone with all the fiery brightness that the woman on the balcony herself contained. Sun Shang Xiang, princess of Wu.

Her eyes seemed so strangely soft, and she was slowly and absentmindedly plucking the petals off of a withering rose while singing to herself. Her voice was muted but strong enough to be carried by the wind, in such a way that the whole palace seemed to ring as the echoes of her voice bounced off walls and filled the darkest, most silent corridors with faint whispers of her sad melody.

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"I hear bells."

"What?" Sun Ce shot Zhou Yu a mystified glance. "Bells? What, are we in a monastery or something?"

Zhou Yu quickly shook his head. "That … wasn't what I mean. I was just … thinking." His voice trailed off again as he listened to the sounds of nature coming from the garden, mingled with … something else. "What I meant was … I hear something ringing. Not like a bell, but like … music. It's …" Zhou Yu closed his eyes, trying to focus on the voice he heard. "… it's Shang."

"Serenading you with a love poem, I bet. Resist temptation, Yu! Resist!"

Sun Ce was met with a playful punch from his best friend. "You are a strange man, Sun Ce," Zhou Yu breathed into the garden.

"Strange?"

Both men turned around to face the feminine voice from behind them. Solemnly, Zhou Yu acknowledged her. "Lady Qiao." He then bowed ever so graciously, stepping forward to take her hand and kiss it.

"Hey! Back away! That's my woman there!" Sun Ce shoved his best friend away and wrapped his arms around Da Qiao, planting a gentle kiss atop her head. "Are you okay, sugarplum?"

As the couple continued to converse, Sun Ce quickly turned his head just long enough to flash Zhou Yu a wink. Then he slowly began to lead his wife out of the garden.

Now Zhou Yu was alone. He never minded solitude; he rather relished it. As he began to compose poetry in his head, of bells and of the sunlight-filled afternoons that summer brings, he heard something. First a buzzing in his skull began, as if to warn him of impending danger. Then it came.

"Have you seen my sister?"

Slowly and thoughtfully, Zhou Yu turned to face her before meeting her wide-eyed, innocent gaze. "She left a few moments ago with Lord Sun Ce."

"Sun Ce? Not him … Great. Who's going to talk to me now?"

A long and awkward silence hung between the two, interrupted by only the cheerful warbling of the songbirds. Zhou Yu started to turn back around, taking in the beauty of his surroundings.

"Well, I'm bored."

He paused for a few moments, then turned back towards her almost hesitantly. "That's … very nice."

"Did I tell you? I made a new friend."

"…" Zhou Yu blinked, not even bothering to look the slightest bit interested in Xiao Qiao's social life.

"His name is Lu Xun."

"…"

"He got hurt and now he's in the hospital wing and now I'm bored."

Zhou Yu was about to keep silent again before deciding to speak. "To be honest, Lady Xiao Qiao … it concerns me not whether you are keeping yourself amused."

Xiao Qiao's tiny hands turned white from being clenched so tightly. "Is that so, Mr. Selfish?"

"Should it matter?" Zhou Yu raised one eyebrow into a cynical arch. "Should it? After all, we are not exactly friends."

"You're so pigheaded! I was trying to be nice! … cretin."

"I … I am not a cretin!" sputtered Zhou Yu.

"Filthy little dirtball. Louse. Slug. Goblin. Worm."

"W-why, I … that's … I don't know what to … this is …"

"And you're BORING! All you care about are BOOKS! Well, here's a news flash: BOOKS AREN'T PEOPLE! You can't talk to a book! You can't befriend a book! All you can do … is be a nerd!"

Zhou Yu, luckily, caught his composure before the volcano could erupt. "Scholarship is its own reward."

"Oh, is that so?" Xiao Qiao waggled a finger at him. "People like you should live in huts up in mountains. They shouldn't marry poor, defenseless women like me." – (Here Zhou Yu only barely managed to suppress a loud snort.) – "Life is about being happy. Men are supposed to look like men, not long-haired, pale, skinny little girley-men like you!"

"I do not look like a woman. But if that is your opinion …"

"You're so infuriating! Why don't you just die, huh? If you can't even be a real man, then why bother living?"

This seemed to strike a nerve, judging by the way Zhou Yu began forcing his words through clenched teeth. "I will continue to bother living, Lady Xiao, because I have reason to do so. Friends, family, loved ones …"

"Loved ones? You have loved ones? Or, wait. You mean your precious library."

Zhou Yu intook a deep breath. "Do you know what? I give up. I give up. If you wish me dead, so be it."

Xiao Qiao was confused. Wasn't he going to get angry about now?

"You destroyed more than you will ever know you destroyed. Would you like me to tell you about my book? About who gave it to me? About why I cherished it so? All you saw was a, quote-unquote, NERD. Yes, fine. Perhaps I am a "nerd". Perhaps not. But why don't you try looking deeper within next time, instead of making your own assumptions?" Zhou Yu's disgust was evident; he was almost ready to spit on her by the last three sentences.

"Because it's TRUE. You say I make my own assumptions? At least I don't sit there with a little smirk on my face, because I'm a PERFECT LITTLE BASTARD like you!"

"I never said I was perfect."

Crossing her arms in front of her chest, Xiao Qiao stood up to her full height, though she was still a good many inches shorter than her husband. "Like you're going to say it out loud! Silence speaks volumes. My new friend taught me that today. An actual friend with a GOOD heart, unlike YOU, Mr. Grumpy!"

"I have a good heart, thank you very much!" Zhou Yu's face began to redden. "I don't need you! I don't need this! You want me to die? I want me to die, too." He spun around, sat down, and began to pluck angrily at the grass.

A longer, even more awkward silence started unwinding. Wind whistled through the trees. The song continued to weave its way through the palace. At last, Xiao Qiao took a step forward and then spoke. "What if I apologized to you?"

Mere surprise could not express the multitudes of emotions Zhou Yu felt at hearing these words. Shock, disbelief, incredulity, astonishment … these hit closer to the mark. "What?"

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These are the facts.

Fact. Ten minutes later, Xiao Qiao was no longer in the garden but at the training field, accompanied by Huang Gai, who was her instructor.

Fact. Meanwhile, Lu Xun suddenly woke up and subsequently hurled the contents of his stomach out the window.

Fact. Han Dang tripped on a puddle of a strangely putrid semi-liquid substance and was sent to the hospital wing.

Fact. Lady Li Mei, who was expecting combat lessons from Han Dang that day, was excused to do whatever she pleased.

Fact. Exactly an hour after the first occurrence, Sun Ce decided to use the bathroom and, along the way, spotted Gan Ning with his lips locked onto Sun Shang Xiang's.

Fact. Exactly fifteen minutes after the previous occurence, a disgusted Sun Ce stumbled into the garden to find Zhou Yu with his lips locked onto Lady Li Mei's.

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End of I'm Bored

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A/N: Bwahahaha. I "cliff'ed" it. Also, if you're going to ask why the fight scene wasn't explosive, well … I'm trying to keep as many characters as IC as possible here. Zhou Yu isn't the type to just go and have a shout match over being called a moron. The reason he fought with Xiao Qiao in one of the earlier chapters was because of the significance of the book. Which you were supposed to learn in this chapter, but I edited that part out. Guess you guys will have to wait. Why am I so evil? BWAHAHA! (lightning)