Our Story

Con and R-o-M don't own Naruto. Con owns tiny bottles of vodka. Rom is REALLY hungry.

It's a painful thing, a relationship.

You go into them without knowing the proper procedures, the nuances, all the little things that the girl wants. The only thing we come into a relationship with is the antiquated prospect of showing a girl "romantic love". By definition, "romantic love" constitutes of various long-held-onto beliefs that a man is supposed to live by a chivalrous code that some shining knight helped make back in the old days, when men beat the ever-living shit out of one another encased in tuna cans.

In layman's terms:
Being nice. Overtly nice.

Most men disregard this notion in their teens, and are usually rewarded. This, in turn, leads what few "nice guys" are left to suicide, other men, or becoming bad as well. The few that do survive this lonely holocaust of love often become jaded and nervous, further ruining their chances with women and probably causing them to grow old and alone, becoming the crazy old men who shout at their lawn gnomes. This leaves approximately four "nice guys" in your general area, of which three will have been taken by their long-time friends who noticed their qualities and quickly claimed them as their own.

The two remaining men will often times become depressed, utterly lonely and left to watch all of these couples walk the earth around them.

One of these men will be driven to murder.

The last nice man will become a writer.

I was only really good at a few things, and none of those things were important.

That's what I always told myself. I was good at cooking ramen, I was above average on tolerance to pain and I was ok at writing.
I messed around with plants too, but that's not really hard to do. Water, sunlight, and pruning. Writing was one of the few things I learned by myself that was within the realm of "intelligence", as those rich fuckers with the fancy glasses say. I just did it because it helped me deal with things..
Constant rejection and a demon living inside of my stomach, which if - and it eventually was – released, would destroy all that I held dear. Those things tend to be quite a muse.

I never thought much of my writing anyways.

Loving you is a lot like when you beat me.
There's rage, love and care all wrapped into one moment.
I go out of my way to annoy you, to make you blush, to make you hurt me.
If I'm in pain, you aren't. It'll take your mind off of your unrequited love.
My blood, your tears, it's all the same.
Just shout my name and I'll take your punches with a smile.
At least you'll be doing something productive for once.

Regular man of the pen, right?

Should have seen how much Sakura cried when she found that one.

We were coming home from Baa-chan's, it was the middle of the day and everything was fine.
This was well before the war.
It had become a regular occurrence for us to take a trip to my place after work or training and drink a beer or two. Well, she did. I was sober back then.

Sasuke was in Anbu at the time, months after I found him gurgling in a pool of his own blood, his brother almost doing the same a few feet to the left, sans the gurgling part of course.
He was the same bastard coming out of that whole ordeal, just. . .a little more on the hugging side, which honestly scared the crap out of me the first six times it happened.
He still wasn't looking to settle down, something about not being like that and atoning for crap.

I never really understood that stuff back then.

Sakura, heartbroken, turned to the same thing we all did when out lives went to shit: Alcohol.
Baa-chan must have lost a bet over the whole thing.
So we'd come home, beers in the fridge from the last trip to the store - just for her - and she'd rant, cry, and make lewd comments about people's mothers.

I would nod my head, 'listen', then excuse myself to a fifteen minute bathroom break just to sit and relax in silence.
One of these breaks ended with a knock on the door. Flushing the toilet to make it sound convincing, I opened the door to the smell of fresh beer and a tear-stained face.
And so I said,
"Hi?"
And she hugged me.
"I found your journal."

So then time froze and my stomach filled with bugs.

"Sorry."
"Don't you ever say that to me again!" She sobbed, hitting my chest.
Two inches lower and the butterflies would have flown out my my mouth the hard way.
"I've done nothing but hurt you and all you ever do is apologize for it! Naruto, I don't want you to say sorry to me, promise me!"
"Bu-"
"No! You promise me!" She pushed back, I slammed against the wall without flinching. One of my other pointless talents.
"I promise."
"Good." She stopped wiping her eyes as I put my arms around her. "Now promise me you'll stop crying."
"I'll stop. Just give me a minute." She sighed, pulling in some air slowly, her beautiful green eyes looking up at my tired blue ones. I could smell the stale beer floating into the air. Her body moved closer, ont atom at a time, until I could feel her heart beating one tenth the rate of mine. The bugs in my stomach danced and twirled and waltzed into the rest of my body, making me feel itchy and hot.

And then she kissed me.

Shattered glasses on the floor from all the nights we kept my neighbors up.

My house still smelled like her. Every breath a pained one, like blood filling my lungs, slow at first until it built up into heart-wrenching pain.
This was my first relationship, so it goes without saying that my first break-up would hurt like hell.
Especially because it was the woman I spent my life chasing. Almost dying for. Killing for. Being beaten to hell for.
I could deal with her punching me in the stomach, I actually got used to it at some point.
This was beyond that.
Bottles on my table, tipped over and standing proud, they were an army that helped fuel my nights. One of the few things I had going for me was Sasuke. Every night she slammed the door and ran off to gods know where, he came over to spend the night. Telling me how much she sucked. How I was better off without 'some pink-haired bimbo hurting me and shouting at me'.

This was coming from the man who never spent a second of his life with a woman.

If you have to ask, you'll never know.

Of course, he always had to leave. And then I was by myself until Sakura got back late in the day.
These were the dark times. The unholy times. The hours where pain was mine and mine alone. I couldn't talk it out with her, and Sasuke wasn't around to side-track me with beer and stories. These were definitely not my best moments.

And that's when Ino decided to stop by.

She started visiting when she had free time. I met her occasionally when I went to buy gardening supplies, so I was somewhat friendly with her.
She would talk to me about anything she could think of. Village gossip, ninja gossip, missions, anything to pass the time.
I once asked her why she started visiting me and she said she noticed I wasn't frequenting my usual haunts and wanted to see how I was doing.
In her words, she told me, "I wondered where the hell our resident orange ninja was and decided to find you."
Her words, not mine.
So I told her, in the most eloquent words that I could muster up at the time,
"Leave me alone."
But much like any other woman in my life, she ignored my words and came in anyways. One look at the apartment said it all. I wasn't doing too well. So what does a woman like Ino do when someone looks depressed and in the depths of a drinking binge from night to night?
She started to clean. And berate me. At the same time, like she had been training for this occasion.
"I don't understand you two. Sakura is hot-tempered and you're just an idiot. It's not exactly like you two have philosophical differences, she's just bitchy and you probably don't understand what she says half the time."
"You talk a lot." I said, having taken a seat on my couch, one of the few things she wasn't taking care of.
"You talk little." She said smiling. "I hate that. I miss the idiot who talked with me about plants."
"He's on vacation right now. Trying to force a certain pink-haired bitch out of his mind while she's still moving out of his apartment."
I could hear her sigh from someplace deep inside the bowels of my room, her OCD getting the better of her, she was still taking care of me. I closed my eyes and started a verse, thinking Ino might get a kick out of it or something.

"Here lives a man, alone in his mind and dead in his heart.
His story has no ending, but it's no where near the start.
Spent and alone, he wastes in his home, passing the time until he is bones,
And yet he cannot be, a blonde beauty is with him.
Despite his sorrow, he will smile for tomorrow, knowing that at least some woman cares for him."

I couldn't make out the rustling of cleaning anymore so I thought maybe Ino left. I opened my eyes to her sitting across from me in my reclining chair. She was all stares and smiles.
"Naruto. . .when did you learn how to do things like that?"
"I learned a lot of useless things like that. Part of growing up, I guess. You find some things you like and you just stick with 'em."
Ino shook her head, a faint smirk on her face. She walked over and gave me a tight hug. I probably reeked of ramen and various alcohols.
"You ever want to talk about plants, life or anything, just let me know, Naruto. And stop by sometimes. I miss my orange little idiot."
I chuckled and hugged her back with one arm.
"Glad to know I'm yours."

Doors were slammed, the apartment wasn't as thrashed and it didn't hurt as bad.
I was alone again, but unlike last time, I wasn't drinking every night. Sasuke was out on missions more, so the idea of being alone and drowning in alcohol wasn't very appetizing. I also learned to leave the house when I was depressed. Of course, this works better if you don't run into your ex-girlfriend.

"I heard about what happened. I'm so sorry." Sakura wrapped her arms around me, soft and careful, one of those rare hugs that showed how much she had changed over the year. I saw her every day, which was half of my current problem.
'It's hard to show that you don't care when she's always around you!'
More out of habit and a stinging want to be loved, I hugged her back, as tight as always, but this time, something was off. I could feel my eyes burn. I could feel a sense of letting everything go and just feeling sad. For once, everything sucked and I was showing it. I wanted to rip my eyes out.
I could make out sobbing, but it wasn't me. I pulled back quickly and looked down at Sakura, her head against my chest, tears soaking into my shirt, she refused to look back up at me.
"Be with me again!"
'She still loves you! I can see the way she stares at you! Don't fucking tell me you havn't seen it!'
"I can't do this! I can't pretend everything is ok, even for you Naruto. I love you!"
Oh, how I waited to hear those words for so long.
How much I wanted to hear them before I was with Ino.
How little I trusted myself at that moment.
"I love you too."
My brain was on auto-pilot. It was too tired, too starved, too damn stupid to be bothered for one coherant thought. My heart was in control. It wanted to be loved. It wanted to be taken care of. I'm pretty sure it wanted revenge.
"I promise, things will be different!"
Most of all, my heart just wanted things to go back to normal.
So I did something stupid.
I took her back.

I dated Ino again when Sakura died.
It didn't last long, thanks to the war.
We decided it was both of our faults for the first break up.
She was too paranoid and controlling, I admittedly still coming to terms with my first break up.
At least we were friends again.

I don't write much these days, and what I do happen to scribble down has little or no value when compared to my older stuff. It's witticisms and short little blurbs about how I'm feeling at that moment or the few things I do happen to care about. I don't buy journals and write in those anymore, especially with Hinata living in the same house. Last thing I need is for another girl to accidentally 'find' that book and cry into me confessing her love.
Sometimes, in my drunken hazes, I manage to write something good on a napkin.

Hinata -

Irisless eyes look
Deeply into my soul, how
Much I wish to kiss.

Them.

Ok, so I have slipped a little.

Purple-Ripples:
I'm glad you enjoy the fic! I'll try and update faster, I promise!

TheIMightyIPaco:
Thanks for understanding on the wait, and may I suggest you try a wonderful drink called a "White Russian" when you do turn 21. It is a beautiful mix of vodka, kahlua and cream. Also, keep your phone on you, just incase you do manage to get lost. Glad you liked it! He's actually narrating all of his 'past stories' from his house or wherever he currently is located at before going into the tale. Situational awareness for the win!

Oceanmoon:
I want to thank you so much for your review, it meant a lot to me and RoM. Grammar and punctuation is always taken care of in detail by RoM, so you have him to thank there. The Naru/Hina was hopefully shown a little more here, it's just going to take a little time for him to really notice her and come to terms with himself as far as emotions go. As you can tell from this chapter, he's not exactly great when it comes to women and matters of the heart. Yet again, I want to thank you deeply for this review, and I promise to update as soon as possible!

Kyu15:
Why hello again my friend! Glad you liked it! Trust me, no Series Unfortante Events will befall this fic other than the ones that I intend to inflict upon our poor hero! All questions will have answers, and all answers will come in the form of questions! (Not really, I was just being witty there)
I actually was able to chug a few on my best friend's "second twenty-first" birthday and like I said, I promise to try and update as soon as possible!

Two weeks. I think it's safe to say if I don't update every week, it'll be within a two week timespan.

Geology has been proving itself to be quite the saucy wench, so I have to study more than usual. Well, that and my best friend just turned 21, so I have been leaving the house far more.

You guys and gals still love me, right?

Right?

Anyways, I have an "early review" group if anyone wants to be in it. Give me a PM saying you want to join and you'll get my chapters for Drunken Stupor every Wednesday night, half-finished or whatever I have at the time. Think of it as seeing the rough draft prior to the wonderful final draft you catch here on FF. I'll also talk to you one on one if you have questions or comments. I love talkin' to my readers!

- Con

I'm pretty sure I'm in the "early review" group. Looking forward to hearing new input!

-RoM

"I don't know why
But I'll play this game for you
'Cause I'm guessing it's just what all young lovers do" The Maccabees – About Your Dress