Author's notes: First up – MASSIVE APOLOGIES! I was MEANT to write a new chapter months ago before I went on my one-month europ contiki tour (great holiday- thanks for asking) but I got so bogged down I didn't get time! So now im back I'm trying 2 get my ass into gear! I've hit a bit of a block coz ive kinda left my whole life behind on my eurotrip so bear with me as I get my story back into perspective. Im trying to make it more carefree but I gota write a couple of deep (and dramatic) chapters first.. also im doing something a lil diff this chapter, coz I feel ive been neglecting the other 3 titans.. so there's a little part of the chapter reserved just for them. Enjoy.
Ch 13: Broken Dreams and New Ideas
Robin's heart was beating a mile a minute. He could barely breath, fearing what he'd see when he and BB reached the infirmary.
They finally reached the door and Beast Boy held it open for Robin to pass through first. Robin looked across the room and saw the partition around the far bed was closed. "Raven, you have to let me help you!" Cyborg was saying with urgency.
"No!" Raven screamed out at him. "I don't need your help!"
Robin saw Starfire leaning against the wall, crying. Beast Boy went over to tend to Starfire, as Robin got to the far bed and pulled the curtains away. Raven was sitting up on the bed, her legs crossed as she doubled over in pain.
Cyborg noticed Robin's entrance. "Robin, she-" He began, but Robin cut him off.
"Everyone out!" Robin ordered.
Cyborg, their designated medic, wasn't about to let his patient, who was bleeding all over the bed, out of his sight! "But Robin!"
"Out!" Robin yelled. He looked over at Cyborg with all seriousness. "Please," Robin pleaded with his friends. "I promise everything will be alright.."
Cyborg's eyes narrowed at his shorter, black-haired friend. Cyborg didn't seem to buy into Robin's vague explanation, but he was their leader for a reason. "Fine," Cyborg replied in all seriousness. "But I'll be back in two." And with that, Robin and Raven were alone in the infirmary.
Robin turned his attentions to Raven. She was bent over her legs, crying in pain. He'd never seen her like this before and it scared him. Robin grabbed her by the shoulders and sat her up so that she was looking at him. "Why didn't you go straight to the hospital?!" Robin whispered with urgency.
Raven looked up at him, tears streaming down her face. "The baby.. " She whispered, "I thought I could heal myself.."
Robin could see blood had seeped into her leotard between her legs. "This is bad, Raven." Robin said, stating the obvious. "Come on, teleport us to the hospital and we'll get you some help."
Raven shook her head. "I..I don't know if I can.."
Robin wasn't going to let Raven give into the pain. "I know you can do it! Now come on." Robin must have said something right because he felt himself and Raven teleport to the hospital. Raven had teleported them in the middle of the emergency ward of Jump City Hospital.
Their sudden arrival in front of the nurses station had gained the attention of the staff who came running to their aid. Raven, unable to hold herself up, fell onto Robin, and he struggled to hold himself and her up, while holding onto his crutches at the same time. "Somebody help!" Robin called out, despite the fact that the nurses and a doctor were already headed towards them.
"Nurse Richards," Robin said to the staff headed towards him. "If she's here, I want her to help us!"
The middle-aged nurse and doctor held Raven up, to help Robin out. "We'll try find her for you, Mr. Robin," The doctor said, obviously realising it was Robin even though he wore his mask with casual civilian clothes. "But first, tell me what's happened."
Raven's secret had to come out to save her life. He knew she'd probably be mad later, but it had to be done. "Raven's pregnant. She took a big hit to the gut and started bleeding," He said as fast as he could. He had to be straight and to the point or their help could be delayed. The nurse called over a tall male intern as Robin was explaining. The intern picked up Raven in his arms and carried her to a nearby bed.
Robin followed them and watched as the doctor inspected Raven's vitals. "Is she going to be okay?" He asked.
Being a superhero and a celebrity didn't get Robin any special treatment as they ignored his question. "How many weeks pregnant is she?" The doctor asked as he used his stethoscope to check Raven's heartbeat. Raven was out cold on the bed, and Robin couldn't stop staring at her. "Um.. A few weeks I think," He replied, trying to do the math. "I know it's still early but she took a pregnancy test a few days ago because she was worried that.."
Robin was unable to finish his sentence because the nurse had begun to usher him out of the room. "You'll have to wait outside, Mr. Robin." Robin didn't like feeling helpless, and now he had to leave Raven's life in the hands of the medical staff of Jump City Hospital. The nurse closed off the curtain and Robin was left with nothing to do but find himself somewhere to sit and wait. He didn't want to wait in the emergency area because he still wasn't supposed to let the public (and possible villains) that he was injured. Also because sitting with the general public would cause many people to ask him a lot of questions that he wasn't prepared to answer. Instead, he found a chair from an empty room and brought it out to the corridor and waited.
He watched helplessly as doctors and nurses ran in and out of the room. He couldn't hear what was going on, but after a few minutes, Raven's unconscious body was being wheeled out of the tiny curtained-off area and towards the emergency surgery area. Robin was tempted to get up and follow, but he knew there was nothing he could do. And so he sat and waited for what felt like hours.
He looked at his watch. Half an hour had passed and still no word. Robin stared at his cast and in his boredom, began to pick at the plaster on his cast. Suddenly, two feet had stood next to his chair. Robin looked up and saw that those feet were attached to a familiar face.
"Robin?"
"Nurse Richards!" Robin greeted, as he tried to stand up. "How is she?!"
Nurse Richards didn't smile. "She's stable, but there are a few things I need to talk to you about," she replied with a solemn look on her face. "Before I get myself a chair, here's something we found in Raven's pocket."
Robin saw Nurse Richards hand him Raven's Titans Communicator. He took it from her and she walked off to find a chair. As if, suddenly knowing that Robin was holding the communicator, it rang. It was Cyborg on the other line. "Hey Cy," Robin greeted stoically.
"Dude! You better have gone to the hospital, otherwise I'm gona kick your skinny butt!" He yelled over the communicator.
Robin nodded in reply. "I made Raven teleport us to the hospital." Robin saw nurse Richards heading back towards him, pushing a desk chair on wheels. He told Cyborg how he was about to talk to Nurse Richards and that he'd call them back when he knew something. He then hung up and placed the communicator in his jeans pocket.
"So, Robin," Nurse Richards began as she sat herself down. "The doctor's preliminary examination found that things don't look good for Raven's pregnancy. They've taken her into surgery now to stop the bleeding and depending how things go, she may need to stay overnight for observation." Robin just nodded in response. The middle-aged nurse sat up straight in her chair and sighed, before leaning forward again. "Do you know who the father of the baby is?" She asked softly, to make sure no one else could hear. Robin nodded, not wanting to give much away. Nurse Richards had become quite trustworthy, but the superhero life made Robin very cautious about who he allied himself with, for their safety.
Nurse Richards, realising Robin wasn't going to talk about who the father of the baby was, continued talking. "Whoever the father of the baby may be... They need to understand that the loss of a child can be a very difficult time for both the mother and father of the child. I need you t explain to the father that Raven's going to be going through a very rough time if this baby doesn't survive. And it is important to support her through this."
Robin nodded at Nurse Richards' explanation and wondered if she could see right through his thick black mask. He wondered if she could tell he was the father. "I'll be sure to pass on the message," Robin replied. "When can I go see Raven?"
The large nurse looked at her watch. "I'll go see how things are and get back to you." And with that, Robin was left alone in the corridor for over an hour.
Robin waited in the hallway for an hour before a doctor in his mid 30s with light blonde scruffy hair approached him. Robin picked up his crutches and slowly stood up as he realised the doctor was heading towards him.
"How is she?" Robin asked.
The doctor seemed reluctant to answer Robin, instead asking, "Are there any of Raven's family members that you can call?"
Thinking about it, Robin knew doctors would generally only talk to family when things weren't good.. Well her father was the devil and her mother was killed years ago. "I am her family!" Robin replied, a little more forcefully than he intended. He knew the doc would have no idea about Raven's roots, but not being told about her health was pissing him off. He saw that the doctor was a little taken back by Robin's small outburst. He took a deep breath and repeated with a more calmed tone, "The Titans and I are Raven's family."
Hearing Robin's sincerity, the doctor nodded. "Well then, I'm sorry but there was nothing we could do to save Raven's baby.."
Robin felt like he knew it all along that there was nothing the doctors and nurses could do to save his child. But hearing it still shocked him. He sat himself back down when he heard the news. Everything he'd begun to hope and dream about had come crashing down. He found himself asking the doctor the first thing that came to mind, "How's Raven?"
"She'll be fine. She needs to stay overnight for observation. You can take her home first thing tomorrow morning."
"Can I stay with her tonight?"
--
Robin stood outside Raven's room. He was nervous and didn't know what to expect when he walked in. The doctor warned him about how a young mother who's lost her child might react, but Raven was unpredictable at times; especially during emotional times.
Robin took in a deep breath and pushed the door open. Raven had been given a private room, and it looked like Robin's room when he first injured his leg. Raven was curled up on her right side and staring off into space. "Raven?" Robin said softly, announcing his entry into the room. The bright white light emanating from above Raven's bed seemed to only emphasise the fact that the light cream coloured room was a definite contrast to the dark colour Raven was usually associated with.
Robin hobbled around the bed until he was standing right in front of Raven's face. She was still staring off into space. Robin stared down at her, unsure of what to do in a situation like this. All he knew was that he hated seeing Raven like this and he felt hopeless for not being able to help her. Her pale complexion was emphasised by the white hospital gown that she wore and the brightly lit cream room did nothing to help the way she looked. She looked like a ghost.
Robin saw that there was a large and uncomfortable chair behind him. His unbroken leg was getting sore from the constant weight it was forced to bear, so he pulled it closer to the bed and sat down.
At the height the chair had him sitting at, Robin and Raven were now staring into each other's eyes. Raven still hadn't acknowledged if she had noticed his arrival yet, as he eyes seemed to be looking through him, not at him. He was told that this would be a difficult time for her, so Robin decided not to say anything yet.
Robin lifted his right hand up and used it to sweep away a few stray hairs out of Raven's face. He then began stroking her hair in an attempt to comfort her, and to let him know that he was there for her without actually saying anything.
'We were going to have a family..' Robin thought to himself. 'And now what? I still want to be with Raven. Will she still want to be with me now? Will life go back to normal without this baby? Do I even want it to go back to normal?'
Robin stopped stroking Raven's hair. He reached down and placed his hand atop of hers as he thought about their current situation. It was then that he began to realise what the doctor was talking about: the grief and loss of 'what could have been'. He was so excited about being a father, and now all those little hopes and dreams that he'd allowed himself to think were ripped away from him; and from Raven.
"I'm glad," Raven whispered.
Robin was pulled from his thoughts when he realised Raven was talking to him. "What?" He asked, completely unsure what she was talking about.
"I'm glad we lost the baby," Raven repeated. She seemed so distant and detached as she said it that Robin was taken back by her almost cold-honesty. He wasn't prepared for those words. The doctors warned him about tears and grieving and mourning. They didn't warn him about Raven turning cold and distant as a method of coping.
Robin didn't know what to say.
Maybe Raven sensed this from Robin and so she kept talking. "I couldn't bring a child into the world when they were conceived by a drug induced stupor." Raven looked right into Robin's eyes. Tears began to well into her bright purple eyes. "Children should be brought into the world when there's love, hope and people there who love him or her."
It finally dawned on Robin that this was a sore topic for Raven. Especially considering the way she was conceived. He felt stupid for not realising it sooner.
Robin felt so idiotic. No wonder the possibility of having a baby was doing her head in! Raven was conceived outside of love, as an instrument of evil. All signs pointed to her wanting to be loved by someone and then bring a child into the world as a product of this love.
"Raven," Robin replied, stroking her hand with his thumb. He smiled as best he could, despite feeling sad. "I'm glad we lost the baby too." This sentence caught Raven's full attention, and Robin could see it on her face. She wasn't expecting him to say that. So he continued with, "I allowed myself to get excited about having a boy or girl that I could teach karate to, or read to, and so on." Robin found it hard to keep smiling. He couldn't help but feel sad when he voiced how his hopes and dreams were coming crashing down. "But I realised it's not fair to bring a kid into the world outside of a loving relationship."
Raven was staring at Robin's face. He watched her take in his features and the saddened look in his face. "Let me see your face.." She whispered.
Robin's initial reaction was to take his mask off. But then he realised he was in a hospital room with a large window and the possibility of people walking in without warning. He wanted to show her his face, but "I can't."
Being rejected, Raven rolled over so her back was to his. With such a small request being rejected, Robin had essentially pushed her away. Seeing him without his mask had become something special between them. Without the mask, Raven had something that no other person in Jump City had; a unique view and understanding of the person that Robin was.
Raven was looking to him for comfort, by letting her see his face. And Robin had denied her that. He stared at the pale, bare skin of her back that peeked through the ties of her hospital gown. "I'm sorry, Raven." He tried to make amends. "I want to but I can't here in a place like this," he explained.
He continued to stare at the pale skin on her back. He knew it would be completely inappropriate to touch her on her back, and the intimate thoughts of her running through his mind were just as inappropriate. So he settled with trying to concentrate on watching her back as it moved slightly with every breath she took. "It's okay.." He heard her whisper.
The masked teen couldn't help but smile. Maybe things were going to be alright between them after all.
--
Cyborg was mad. He was sitting on the couch, arms crossed, burning a hole into the TV as he watched the channels change. Beast Boy sat next to him, finding nothing on TV to keep him from thinking about the night's horror. Starfire was floating up and down and around the rec room, anxious as the other two to hear from Robin.
It was dark out still. Robin and Raven teleported to the hospital over four hours ago. It was now after 2am and the shows on TV weren't the best selection in the world. Listening to Beast Boy change the channel, then groaning because it wasn't anything interesting, was making Cyborg even madder. He knew that if Robin didn't call soon with some info, he was going to let loose on poor BB.
"I still do not understand why we cannot call them.." Starfire murmured quietly, knowing she'd probably make Cyborg madder, as she'd asked the same question at least 5 times since they last spoke to Robin.
"I'm going to kick his skinny butt if-" Cyborg began to groan when suddenly his communicator began to ring.
Everyone jumped as the ringing sound of the communicator filled the room. Cyborg reached over and picked it up from the couch next to him. "You better have a good reason for-!" Cyborg yelled, but was cut off by Robin.
"Raven's going to be fine.." Robin said sadly. Despite the good news, his voice showed something else.. Sadness? Loss? The others couldn't tell what, or why.
"What happened?" Beast Boy asked, leaning over Cyborg's right shoulder to look at the communicator. Starfire was listening intently over Cyborg's left shoulder.
Robin seemed to look away from them for a moment, as if he were thinking of what to say. "The doc wasn't really forthcoming as we're not immediate family, and there was a lot of mumbo jumbo about female body parts that I told him to keep to himself because it was freaking me out.."
Beast Boy was getting frustrated, "Would you just TELL us already!" He yelled, causing Cyborg to wince as he yelled in Cyborg's ear.
This seemed to knock Robin out of his dazed state. He focussed his attention back on the other three, all huddled together staring into the tiny communication device. "The blow damaged some of her internal organs.. That's all we really need to know. The rest is Raven's business. They're going to keep her overnight for observation and I'm going to stay here with her. I'll call you again tomorrow morning.." Robin could see that the others were about to say something, but he cut them off. "If Raven's well enough to teleport back to the Tower, we'll do that. Otherwise you'll need to come pick us up." And with that, Robin severed the connection.
--
Robin hung up on his fellow team mates before they could get any more questions out. Robin reported all that they needed to know. He couldn't and wouldn't tell them about Ravens pregnancy unless she wished to tell them herself. He put the communicator in his pocket and looked over at Raven. She was huddled on her side, facing away from Robin. She'd been like that for an hour now, in her own world. They'd had their talk about the baby, but one doesn't grieve for five minutes. He too was grieving. It was an ongoing process. Life was going to resume; back to normal. And as easy as it sounded, Robin didn't want that. He didn't want to go back to the way things were before his trip to Gotham City. He still wanted Raven. He still wanted to be with her, and hold her and help her through this.
The lights were off in the room, save for the lamp above Raven's bed. Robin silently walked over to her bed. Nurse Richards had brought in a fold-out cot for Robin to sleep in, just as she had for Raven just over three weeks ago. Only this time, Robin had no intention of using the cot.
He walked over to the bed, hoping and praying that Raven wouldn't push him away in this time when they both needed each other the most. He climbed up onto the bed, sitting himself up next to Raven. He carefully and slowly pulled her by the shoulders towards him, rotating her so she was lying on his chest now. It worked. Raven
didn't protest. She realised what he was doing and she turned slowly with his aid until her head was resting on Robin's chest.
They remained that way. Robin held his arms protectively around Raven. The room completely silent, except for the sound of Robin turning out the light.
--
Cyborg flung the tiny round device to the other end of the couch in frustration. He hated being out of the loop, especially when he was the team medic.
Starfire sighed with relief. "Thank the gods!" She squealed. "Raven will be okay after all!"
Beast Boy resumed his seat on the couch next to Cyborg and began channel surfing again. "Yeah.." But he didn't seem to buy Robin's obscure explanation either. Starfire was now flying around the room in circles out of joy.
Cyborg leaned closer to BB and whispered, "Did something about Robin seem a bit.. off?"
Beast Boy nodded in response.. he looked as unhappy as Cyborg right now. "I can't tell why though.."
"Oh MY!" Starfire squealed suddenly. Her flying skidded to a halt just in front of the TV, grabbing the attentions of Cyborg and Beast Boy. "I have yet to feel Silky! In all our fighting of crime, it has been days since I last fed him!" She quickly flew out the rec room doors and towards her bedroom.
Cyborg huffed and got up off the couch. "We all better hit the sack. It's late," He said stoically. He was going to try sleep and worry about Raven and Robin tomorrow.
Beast Boy followed suit. He turned off the TV and stood also. "Yeah. You're right."
Suddenly a loud thunderous sound boomed throughout the Tower and the room shook. The looked out the large paned windows that looked out to the harbour. Before the boys could react, they saw a flash of light from an explosion blasted out from a nearby window. From where the blast seemed to come from, they realised that it originated from Starfire's bedroom, and Starfire's limp body was now flying out from the tower and down towards the ocean below.
"StarFIIIIRRRE!" Beast Boy yelled. Before Cyborg could realise that there was an explosion that knocked Starfire unconscious and flung her out into the bay, Beast boy had begun running to the large panelled windows of the Rec room.
Cyborg watched with a wide open mouth as Beast Boy ran through the window, shoulder first, shattering glass like it was nothing, and then turning into a pterodactyl in mid-air to swoop down and save Starfire.
Author's notes: damn, that chapter was roasting in my head for months now.. but my fingers had been too lazy to write it! if only my brain could hookup to my laptop.. anyways, yeah hope u guys liked it.. don't forget to review!