Raphael stood by as Splinter walked over to the weapons wall and picked up his favorite sword. Splinter then hopped onto the platform circle and began swaying his sword in a common practice rhythm.
Raphael shifted from foot to foot, not sure what to do or say at this point. He cleared his throat and kept his eyes down. "You wanted to talk to me?" He asked quietly.
"Yes." Splinter said, making slow and sure movements with his blade. "But first, grab your weapon of choice, Raphael, and let's spar. It's been a long time."
Raphael looked to the weapons wall but pulled his Sai out of his sheath instead.
"Oh no, too predictable, Raphael. Haven't you been training yourself on any other weapon?"
"I like these." Raphael muttered as put it back and walked over to the weapons wall. He felt a little more at ease with Splinters tactics; sparing was something he enjoyed and, it was true, it had been a long time since he sparred one-on-one with Sensei. He was never as good as Sensei but he liked the attention; usually Leo got most of Splinter's attention.
Raphael grabbed one of Leo's katanas. He stared down at the blade with a miserable look before placing it back on the wall. He definitely wasn't worthy of a weapon like that. Instead he grabbed for the throwing stars but Splinter stopped him again.
"The Katana. Good choice, Raphael." Splinter swept his blade out in front of him, moving like the element of water. "Now come into the circle and let's begin."
Raphael hesitated but he reached back up and took down the katana from its place on the wall. He held it loosely as he hopped up onto the platform and walked around Splinter's form.
Raphael took stance, ready to spar, but Splinter lowered his blade. "The 'One, Two-Tap'." Splinter said.
Raphael lowered his weapon, confused. "But that's beginners practice..."
"One." Splinter held up his blade into position and Raphael growled. He matched Splinter's move and Splinter moved his blade down. "Two." Raphael followed the moves then took a side step and,
"Tap." Raphael muttered as he tapped his blade against Splinter shoulder. This was lame. He didn't even like this back when he was younger doing it.
It was Splinter's turn to tap and—Slice!
Raphael jerked back quickly and held his shoulder. "You cut me!"
"Those are the rules."
"What? No they aren't! You told us not to hurt each other." Raphael raised up his hand to check the wound and huffed. It wasn't too bad, just a scratch.
"Is that so? I thought we were changing the rules."
Raphael was struck by the comment and his weapon lowered. He scowled and gripped the weapon tightly but still did not raise it for attack. "I don't understand."
"You understand, Raphael, you just do not want to accept it. One," Splinter raised his weapon again and Raphael watched him, hesitant, before raising his weapon as well, mimicking him. "You went against my teachings. Two," He changed his stance, lowering his sword to another defensive position—which Raphael once again mimicked. "And you killed many people; which, not only brings us shame,—Tap." Raphael tried to pull away but Splinter's blade swung out and cut against Raphael's right shoulder this time. "—but you also brought us into more danger and trouble."
Raphael grabbed his wound, finding this cut to be much deeper than the one on his left shoulder. "I know that you saw what they made us do." He said through gritted teeth. "You know what they made me do to my brothers."
Splinters ears lowered in sadness, as did his blade.
"How could I just leave that place without doing anything about it?!" Raphael shouted.
"The horrors they put you and your brothers through were unspeakable...that is why I did not stop you, Raphael." Splinter sighed and touched the tip of the blade to the floor, signally that they were finished with the sparing. "But that does not make what you did acceptable."
"They deserved it—"
"Do you feel better for it?"
Raphael rubbed his wounded shoulder and his teeth were grinding against each other. He knew it was going to happen; he could feel the build up behind his eyes. He was going to break down if they kept talking about this. "Do I feel better? No...How could I? I'll never get it out of my head!" He tossed his sword away and jumped out of the circle, rubbing his palm against his eye when a tear escaped.
"You have always been the quickest to act on feeling, Raphael." Splinter was speaking softly now. "Donatello always thinks with his mind...Leonardo always with his instincts. Michelangelo...well," Splinter rested his hand onto Raphael's shoulder, standing on the platform behind him. "-he thinks a lot with his stomach."
Raphael gave a small smile at his father's joking but frowned again when Splinter continued.
"You, Raphael, are very special. You think with your heart. The heart is a very powerful thing, Raphael. Sometimes what you feel is not what is right. The anger you felt towards those men made you do horrible things because they hurt your heart."
A few more tears escaped from the prison in Raphael's eyes.
"Your heart will always try to rationalize what is right and what is wrong, Raphael. It is not a bad thing to listen to your heart. You just need to understand the reasons guiding you."
"I-" Raphael's voice cracked and he stopped to compose himself before continuing. "I understand that, Sensei..." He took a few steps away until Splinter had to remove his hand from his shoulder. "But I can't changed just like that. That's why I think it's best if I leave for awhile."
Splinter hopped down from the platform and sighed. "It will take awhile for us all to heal from the tragedies that have happened lately but if we stay together we have more of a chance to heal quicker."
"I just don't feel like I belong here anymore." Raphael wiped his eyes again, angry at his crying. "I don't belong here, I don't belong on the surface; I don't belong anywhere."
"You do belong here with us, Raphael. You will always have a home here."
"Donnie doesn't seem to think so."
"He is scared."
"He's scared of me."
"No, he is afraid because he believes he lost everything, Raphael. We must show him that we are still a family. Leaving will only make your relationship with Donatello worsen."
Raphael shook his head but he took in Splinter's words. How was he suppose to convince Donnie that he was the same ol' Raphael from before if Raphael didn't even feel the same? How was he suppose to comfort his brother if his brother was afraid of him getting close?
"You do not have to pretend that nothing happened." Splinter spoke again as he headed toward the weapons wall and placed the swords back up in their place. "You are all in pain."
"He doesn't even want me near him."
"Give it time, Raphael. You do not need to force it. You two are brothers and you already have a strong bond. Your bond with Donnie is not broken, just torn slightly; let it heal."
"...Yes, Sensei."
When Raphael and Splinter had left the three bothers among themselves, Michelangelo was quick to get onto Donnie for nearly letting Raphael go. "How could you say nothing?!"
"I can't just beg him to do something he doesn't want to do." Donnie retort, finding this whole thing to be uncomfortable.
"He just wanted to make sure he was welcome to stay here!"
"Keep it down, Mikey." Leo said, acting more passively than he felt.
"He can do what he wants. If he stays, then fine. I'm not going to kick him out." Donnie pulled his chair over and sat down, turning away from them.
"You're acting like he's not even our brother." Mikey said in a quieter tone; though his anger did not subside one bit.
"And you're acting like he didn't force himself onto us." Donnie reminded then gasped when Leo grabbed his chair and turned him around to face them.
Leo was angry with Donnie but mostly because he didn't know how to confront Donnie's sudden bitterness toward Raphael. Keeping that in mind, he kept his voice level and didn't blow up at him like Mikey was doing. "I don't have to remind you that it wasn't Raphael's fault."
"It doesn't change what happened. He still...did it." Donnie sunk lower in his chair and looked away.
"I will never get over the pain that we were all put through." Leo admitted. "Just knowing that you were in trouble and I was right there with you unable stop anything..." Leo shook his head sadly. "I'll never get over that feeling of helplessness, Donnie."
Donnie looked back up to Leo with a sad understanding.
"And imagine how Raphael felt...Could you just imagine it?"
Donnie shook his head, not wanting to think about it.
"What if you were in his place, Donnie? What if that man had made you to be the one to hurt us?"
"I wouldn't. I'd die first."
"Why do you think Raphael gave up so easily? He wanted to die, Donnie."
"Raph." Mikey whined, resting his cheek against Leo's shell as he listened to his oldest brother. He hated to think of his toughest brother Raphael giving up on life.
"You don't have to tell me that." Donnie croaked. "I know Raphael didn't want to hurt us. I just can't stand looking at him. I don't want to remember it." Donatello's voice dropped to a whisper and he pushed back in his chair, moving away from Leo.
"I'm not letting Raphael leave." Leo promised.
Donatello didn't say anything against what Leo said but he didn't look like he approved of it either. He kept quiet and stared down at his fists in his lap.
Mikey felt a little better knowing that Leo was going to take care of everything. He could always count on his older brother in situations like this.
Leo straightened up and Mikey moved away from resting against Leo's shell.
Mikey then stuck his tongue out at Donnie, as if winning the argument of whether Raph could stay or not warranted that kind of childish behavior. Donnie scowled and Leo promptly smacked Mikey in the back of the head.
I hope Donnie's reaction to everything is acceptable and I'm not making him sound like a total dick. xD He DOES care about Raphael. He's just scarred from the events.