(A.N.) I'm so sorry it's been so long, everybody. Blame on that stupid "school" thing.
…I'm probably gonna have to stop putting author's notes up here. I'm pretty sure I've never mentioned anything up here besides mentioning how I never have anything to mention up here.
So.
This chapter's brought to you by: the department of redundancy department. The department of redundancy department. The department of—**shot**
Enjoy the update, everybody!
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(Chris's recap)
"Last time, on Total Drama Island…
"The campers had some fun in a haunted mansion filled with monsters, mystery, mayhem, and chainsaws! And wiffle bats, too! Chelsea and Jess had a catfight—which was off-screen, sorry. Seth and Riley shared their first kiss…too bad that it was a complete accident, thanks to Aaron's meddling.
"Jack discovered Logan's part in Isaac's elimination, and confronted him about it. The dude was pissed. The campers who were all watching the scene had no idea what was going on, because the volume in our super awesome secret-base was turned off. So, the fight between the boys drew attention to them and caused the two to be found by the monsters and eliminated. Aaron managed to befriend a monster and stayed safe long enough to score a win for the heroes.
"After a very confusing elimination, Jack was sent home, Lacey and Lola were left bitter, and since we have the word 'drama' in our title, I'd say all is right with the world!
"So, who will the villains cope with their shattered trust? When will this show stop coming off like a soap opera? When will Seth man up and ask Riley out? And is Bill Nye the Science Guy really a science guy? And who will be eliminated, on the most dramatic campfire ceremony ever?
"…two of those questions will be answered, right here, on TDI: Heroes Versus Villains!"
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"Ugh, my head…"
Seth blinked a few times, as his vision gradually returned to him. The room he was in danced around him and eventually focused. Seth's eyes widened as soon as he realized that he had absolutely no idea where the heck he was. It was a dark, windowless room. There were two strips of flickering fluorescent lights. A television screen sat a few yards ahead of him. There was also a door on the opposite side of the room, but Seth realized that he couldn't reach it because his wrists were behind his chair and tied.
He blinked a few times. "What's…going on…?"
"You're tied to a chair. That's about as specific as I'm gonna get," A female voice commented, in a bored, drawling voice. Seth turned his head, and wasn't that surprised to see that it was Zarya, although the circumstances were still rather odd, in his mind.
"…can I ask why?"
"No," Zarya replied, bluntly.
"Oh." Seth dropped it for a moment, and then tried again, awkwardly: "Um…please?"
"I'll give you a hint. It happens every single episode."
"We pass off self-deprecation as humor?" Seth guessed.
"No." Zarya raised an eyebrow. "It's challenge time."
"Okay, I got it…" Seth mused. "So the heroes have to rescue me then?" Zarya nodded. "And I guess we get to watch their progress from that TV, right?" Another nod. "Cool, cool…" he looked down, and suddenly gave out a yelp. "Why am I in a dress?" True enough, Seth was in a pink, fluffy, fairy-princess-esque dress, complete with a pointy pink hat that had ribbons coming out of the top.
Finally, Zarya elicited a small smile. "Just…all part of the challenge."
"How does putting me in a dress have any relevance to the challenge?"
Zarya shrugged. "I guess we're going for a Mario-saves-Peach sort of theme, here." She paused, awkwardly, as Seth continued to seethe. "If it's any consolation, the dress is very slimming."
"THAT'S NOT CONSOLING AT ALL!"
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The remaining fourteen campers munched on their delightfully adequate breakfast, making random chit-chat with each other. Everything was surprisingly calm.
(Confession Cam: Or was it…?)
Lacey—"Yeah, I'm not stupid. Obviously Logan did something bad. Something earlier in the competition, anyways." (Raises an eyebrow.) "Heck, not like I know what it is. All I know is that Shirtless McMoron better not screw with me, or he's getting a fistful of…" (Pauses, awkwardly.) "Uh…fist? I probably should've planned that out beforehand…"
Sienna—"Hm, I'm impressed. Both Lola and Lacey seem to be pretty over Jack's elimination. Easy come, easy go, huh? Anyways, we're not touchy-feely like those hero guys. We have more important things to worry about than boys."
(Caption Reads: "Like, five minutes later")
Sienna—"Oh my GOD, why is Logan such an idiot? He prances in her all cocky and then starts flirting with every girl that breathes! Ugh! I swear, his only redeeming quality is that he's, like, really hot!" (This goes on for a while.)
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Breakfast ended after another twenty minutes or so, and the host that everybody loved (at least, as far as he was concerned) entered the mess hall.
"Challenge time, campers!"
Aforementioned campers groaned. Chris, however, kept his grin as he strode into the mess hall.
"So, I'm bet you're wondering why two of your campers are missing, right?" he asked. The campers looked confused, and after an awkward moment, Chris slapped his forehead. "Nobody noticed that Seth and Zarya were missing?" Zane raised his hand slightly, but lowered it when he saw that he was the only one.
Chris muttered to himself for a bit, and then continued, louder: "Well, then, let me explain this all to you. Seth has been kidnapped! He is your damsel in distress, heroes!"
"Heh," Logan snickered. "You called Seth a girl."
"Way to go, Captain Obvious," Zane said, twirling a finger in the air.
Chris glared at Logan. "It's not funny if you explain the joke, dude. But, anyways! Here's the deal! You guys have until sundown to rescue him! And…" Chris looked around. "Villains, Chef will show you guys where Seth is being held. Heroes, you have to stay here. After all, you can't know where Seth is being kept!"
"Are you keeping something from us?" Riley guessed.
"What makes you say that?" Chris asked, innocently.
"Every single episode of this stupid show, Chris," replied Riley, bluntly. Chris smirked.
"I may be," he said. "I may not be. But, you guys will find out eventually, right? So, villains, go meet Chef out back! Heroes, keep your butts glued to those chairs! Everybody move!"
"But I thought you said—" Glisa spoke up.
"By everybody I meant the villains!" Chris shouted, covering up quickly.
"Because we're the only ones who count!" Arlen added, as he and his teammates went through the kitchen door. "Later, losers!"
(Confession Cam: Begin quest!)
Damion—(Thoughtfully), "Not that I really should ever listen to anything Arlen says…ever…but something he said made me realize something. Chris probably favors the villains, doesn't he? Doesn't it seem like the villains get more upper hands than we ever do? More leniency for the stupid crap they do? Well, it's Chris, so I really shouldn't be all that surprised…"
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"I hope Seth's alright," Riley remarked, as the heroes impatiently waited for Chris to return with further instructions. "I must admit, labeling a dude 'the damsel' is probably not the best for the ego."
"True, true," Jess agreed, absentmindedly tossing a spray paint can back and forth in her hands. "At least he gets to sit out this challenge. Well, unless they're putting him through some sort of terrible torture," she added, lightly. Riley grimaced and winced.
"I'm kind of wondering how elaborate the villains' defense is, here," Rosetta commented, resting her chin in her palm. "How can they hold back our entire team? It must be really hard to reach Seth, otherwise this is just gonna turn into a giant game of 'Red Rover'."
"I always hated that game," Aaron complained. "5th grade, I went straight for Billy the Burrito—"
"The Burrito?" Jess echoed.
"Just a nickname," Aaron informed her.
"Now there's a name to run away from," Rosetta chuckled.
"I wonder what you have to do to order to score a nickname like that," Damion agreed, with an expression that was somewhere between being puzzled and just plain creeped out.
For some reason, Aaron shuddered at Damion's pondering.
"I'd rather not talk about it," he whimpered.
"Ah, so what happened, Aaron?" Glisa asked.
"I ran straight into the muscled arm of an iron-pumping 100-pound fifth-grader, that's what happened!" Aaron cried indignantly. "I rebounded off and hit my head on the concrete. When I finally came to, the eighth graders were laughing at me, my classmates were so ashamed that they excommunicated me from the fifth grade, and there were traffic cones…everywhere…"
Glisa, struck with emotion at the story, sobbed into her handkerchief.
"Did any of that actually happen?" Rosetta asked, half-heartedly.
"MAYBE!"
With perfect time, Chris re-entered the mess hall.
"Alright, heroes! You guys ready for your quest?"
Long blinked, slowly. "Our…quest…?"
"Dude, when did we exit TDI and enter WoW?" Riley laughed.
"Well, here's the deal," Chris announced, walking towards the heroes table. "You guys have till sundown till rescue Seth. But…it's not quite as simple as you might like it to be. See, you're jumping to the final castle right from the beginning!"
"Reducis tu velocidad!" Glisa begged. "What on Earth are you talking about?"
"I think he's saying that it's gonna be really hard to reach Seth because he's in the toughest place to get through," Riley answered. "Um, at least I hope so. I mean, I'm supposed to be the gamer here, I really should know these things…"
"Nah, you hit the nail on the head," Chris told her. "The seven villains are guarding one giant—"
"If you say that a castle magically appeared during the night I'm going to throw a tree at you," Jess threatened, jumping up with a rather large amount of anger. Chris coughed, and took a step back.
"Building," he finished. "It's a big…building…thing. The one that you and Rosetta went through in the spy challenge."
"Oh." Jess at back down. "Alright then."
"So are we allowed to head over there now, then?" Long questioned.
"Yes!" Chris answered. The heroes stood up. "And by now I meant in two hours!"
"What?" Jess objected. "Oh come on!" Chris shrugged, unperturbed.
"Yeah, well, we need more time to set up! You guys still have, like, a whole freaking day to do this! I wouldn't be complaining! Now…go do…um…whatever it is you guys do, I guess. I'll be…somewhere else?" And with those incredibly two vague ending sentences, Chris awkwardly retreated back into the kitchen.
"Hmmph," Jess grumbled. "C'mon, guys, let's…" she paused. "What do we do again?"
"Advance subplots," Damion piped up.
"Right, right." Jess nodded. "Let's go!"
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The heroines retired to their cabin, and the girls occupied themselves with books, magazines, and such. Rosetta left after a half hour to take a shower in the communal bathrooms and, about five minutes later, the door knocked.
"Huh, that was quick," Riley mused, hopping off of her bed. "I didn't think we locked the door…" she walked over and opened the door, suspecting to see Rosetta…but it wasn't her. Riley's expression changed from confusion to anger in a split second. "You," she snarled. "Jerk."
Riley Fox stood in the doorway, looking uncharacteristically nervous.
"Hey, Riley," said Riley F., awkwardly. "Is Rosetta in there?"
"No," Riley S. snapped in reply, bluntly. "Go away."
"Please," Riley F. pleaded. "I just want to talk to her."
"Get out of here," reiterated Riley S., angrily. "Right now, or I'll tell Chris that you're here!"
A bout of cockiness returned to Riley F. for a moment, "Considering I'm stirring up drama right now, I don't think he'd mind…"
Riley S. hit him in the shoulder. "Ow! Okay, seriously! Please just let me talk to Rosetta!"
"She's not here," Riley repeated. "Now get the heck out of here, you annoying pain in the—"
"Riley, who are you chewing out over there?" Jess asked, walking to the front door in confusion. Her draw dropped when she saw who it was, and she soon furrowed her eyebrows in indignation as well. "YOU!" She declared furiously. Riley F. slapped his forehead. "You stupid, stupid person!" Jess barked, rounding on Riley. "You carrot-topped, pit-hole-digging, heart-breaking, big-mouthed, arrogant MORON!" She turned to Riley S. "Did I miss anything?"
"His goggles are stupid," Riley added, stiffly.
"Yeah!" Jess wheeled back to Riley F. "Your goggles are very stupid, indeed!"
"Okay, I deserve…90% of that," Riley F. admitted, defensively messing with his goggles. "But I've been miserable at the Playa des Losers ever since I've been eliminated. I paid Chef to bring me back here, and I've been trying to find the right moment to make things right with her…"
"No! No, no, no!" Jess stopped him. "Rosetta was miserable for challenges after you left because she broke up with you—"
"Actually," Riley F. added, weakly, "I'm the one who broke up with her."
"WHAT?" Jess shouted. "You—freaking—ARGH!"
"I know, I know!" Riley F. groaned. "I was stupid back then, though, I know I made a mistake."
"Oh, you're 100% stupid, 100% of the time," Riley growled. "Rosetta's finally gotten over you, and you cannot just show up here and expect to win. Her. Back. It doesn't work that way, my friend. Now I suggest you get out of here, before Jess beats you to death with a wiffle bat."
"A…wiffle bat…?" Riley F. repeated, slowly.
"Yes, a wiffle bat," Jess repeated, gruffly.
Riley rolled his eyes. "Forgive me if I'm not intimidated."
"Glisa!" Jess shouted into the cabin. "Get my wiffle bat!" Glisa popped her ear-buds out of her iPod, curious at the interruption. She grabbed Jess's wiffle bat and walked out the cabin door, then widened her eyes when she saw who it was.
"YOU!" She shouted, and Riley slapped his forehead multiple times. "Idioto estúpido!" She continued insulting him, all the while brandishing the wiffle bat in a surprisingly threatening manner.
"Aw, jeez," Riley F. groaned, before finally backing up and running towards the woods.
"That guy is a nut if he thinks he can fix what he did," Riley S. muttered sourly. "Nobody tell Rosetta that he's here, alright? We still better tell Chris, though. Normally I wouldn't want to tell on somebody but…"
"Don't worry," Jess agreed, still glaring into the distance. "We know…"
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Damion nervously leaned against the heroes' cabin railing, staring down at the ground. He thought back to the night of the Halloween challenge, how surprising and great it had been Mo, but now it just seemed too…confusing. Mo seemed really…different. And what Mo had revealed to him wasn't making things any easier…
So…Damion thought to himself. Seth, Bren, and Riley were in an alliance. They'd been discussing which heroes to pick off, but…I mean, stuff like that happens all the time in games like this. And besides, all three of them are my friends. I can't just…no, that'd be too mean…
Aaron startled his thoughts by jumping in next to him and slapping his friend and the back.
"What's up, dude?" Aaron asked, cheerfully. "Excited for the challenge?"
"Oh, I don't know," Damion laughed. "I'm a little worried that Seth might be stuck in that…dungeon-building-place longer than he'd like."
"It can't be that bad, right?" Aaron mused.
ELSEWHERE:
"AH!" Seth wailed, thrashing in his chair. "Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop!"
"Sorry, Seth," Zarya chuckled, not sounding sorry at all. "But you're not done yet." She turned up the volume on the TV. "Only five more episodes and we finish this season of Jersey Shore…"
"Doesn't this bother you too?" Seth questioned.
"Earplugs," Zarya replied. She closed her eyes. "I think that's what you said, anyways. Either that or you asked if I'm from Kalamazoo. Which…I'm not."
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"So, dude, you okay? You've been watching the grass grow for like, half an hour," Aaron commented.
"Oh, definitely!" Damion assured him. "I mean, yeah, everything's cool. And in case you're wondering, one particular blade of grass looks like it has the potential to grow maybe a full quarter of an inch."
"Ooh, I wouldn't want to miss that," Aaron agreed, leaning against the railing with Damion. Damion glanced at Aaron, curiously, and then smiled a bit.
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"OKAY!" Chris shouted via intercom, so abruptly that everyone who heard it jumped a foot. "WE'RE TOTALLY READY, NOW!"
"YOU'RE ON AN INTERCOM!" Rosetta exclaimed. "WHY THE HECK ARE YOU SHOUTING?" Obviously, Chris couldn't hear her, so he continued in his unusually loud tone.
"EVERYONE GO TO THE CAPTURE THE FLAG FIELD! WE HAVE A BOAT TO TAKE YOU TO THE BUILDING!"
"SO MUCH CAPS LOCK!" Aaron wailed.
"LOUD NOISES!" Riley shouted, for the heck of it.
"Um…" Long mumbled, being a bit of a combo-breaker, and peeking up from his poetry book to look at his fellow heroes. "Can we just go over there now? Please?"
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"Just as big as you remember, huh?" Jess commented, elbowing Rosetta. The heroes were crowded on the Boat of Losers, slowly moving towards their destination.
"Nah, I think it ate several smaller buildings since the last time we've been here," Rosetta deadpanned in response. This didn't seem that far off of a guess. There were several towers towering up from the building now, giving the whole place the look of a castle constructed on a low budget. A really, really low budget.
The boat pulled up to the shore and the heroes climbed out. They walked up to the building, appraising it and how incredibly ridiculously humongous it really was.
"Sooo…" Damion said, awkwardly. "Anyone got any bright ideas?"
"Let us try the front door!" Aaron declared. He walked over to said door, and tried to open the door…it was locked. Dejectedly, he walked back towards the group of heroes. "Okay…I'm out of ideas."
"Back door?" Jess suggested.
It was locked too.
ELSEWHERE:
Zarya had finally changed the TV from Jersey Shore to the actual filming of today's episode, so Seth could see what his friends were doing.
Zarya stifled a chuckle as she watched the heroes hopelessly and awkwardly standing outside of the building. Even after the 'front-door-back-door' thing, even Seth had to groan.
"I'd slap my forehead if I could move my arms…" he sighed.
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"Well, I see only one option here," Riley declared, cracking her knuckles. "Clearly, we must cut down a tree and ram open the door with it."
"That won't be necessary…" Long told Riley, quietly. Riley turned towards Long; the loner was holding the door in his hands. "I think I broke it…"
"Not to give the cliché phrase here," Riley responded, laughing, "but…you think?"
Long smiled, awkwardly, as the heroes filed in the building, each of them thanking Long or complementing him.
(Confession Cam: Causing a raucous ruckus)
Chris—"What is this nonsense? We can't have the team getting along!"
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The lights flicked on in the base floor, and the heroes looked around, curiously.
"Funny," Jess mused. "This building's bigger but this room seems smaller since the last time we were here. But, ah…I don't see anybody. Or anything." Curious, the heroes continued venturing forwards, until Arlen leapt from the shadows.
"Ha!" He shouted. "You shall not pass!"
The heroes glanced at each other, and calmly walked past him.
"Hey, no fair!" Arlen complained, but the heroes ignored him. A sign was hanging over a door at the opposite side of the room, reading: "Level Two".
"Well…" Riley mused. "The first level's always the easiest, right?"
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"That was Arlen's defense plan?" Seth questioned, struggling to not laugh.
"…shut up," Zarya muttered.
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The second room that the heroes entered had a carpet with a floral design on it, and the room looked liked it was covered with dark bark. There were even some pots with white flowers in them littered around.
"This…looks familiar…" Riley mumbled, as she stepped forwards.
"Hey guys!" Aaron said, cheerfully. "Look! It says here on this little wooden sign that if we all stand on this weighting panel that our combined weight will open up the next door for us because it's currently locked!"
"That's oddly specific," Long commented.
Still, the heroes all shuffled on the little metal panel in the middle of the room (Riley was the last—she seemed wary of something). As soon as Riley stepped on, though, a cage dropped from the ceiling and trapped the heroes inside.
"Dramatic irony, anyone?" Jess quipped.
"Dis is de third time I've been in a cage in dis show!" Glisa shouted. "Why de heck does dis keep happening?"
"Well, I can answer one-third of that question," Zane commented, walking through the door. He wore a little rope necklace that had a key attached to the end of it. "I'm sorry that you fell for my trap, but this is the end for you."
"Wow, that really was some high-class villainous dialog," Riley commented, staring up into space, "but, ah, this isn't really your trap."
"Um…" Zane raised an eyebrow. "What?"
"Well, this is an exact replica of the trap found in Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door. Except you had a bunch of little punis following you around in that game. I mean, jeez, even if this room is pretty much a replica of that level. So, uh, no, this isn't really your trap. Unfortunately, escaping from this cage, in that game, involved flipping into a linear version of yourself and moving between the bars. And, despite being 2D…I'm pretty sure we can't do that."
"Dude," Jess said, looking at Riley with a grin, "it's like your speaking another language."
Riley grinned back, and shrugged, innocently.
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"Your girlfriend really does know her video games," Zarya commented.
"Yeah…" Seth sighed, happily. "Too bad that won't get them out of there." And then, as an afterthought, "and Riley's not my girlfriend…"
Zarya gave him a strange look, and smirked a little bit.
"What?" Seth asked, a bit irritated.
"Nothing," Zarya said.
Seth scowled. "Just tell me."
Zarya glanced towards Seth. "You can't spit it out, huh?"
Seth was confused for a moment, until he finally understood what Zarya was alluding to. "I don't even know if she likes me too, okay?" Seth sighed.
Zarya shrugged. "Hey, it's none of my business."
A moment passed, and Seth sighed again. "Maybe it's the dress that's making me emotional, but I'm just really mad at myself because I know it'd make things easier if I just asked her out but I can never seem to get the courage to just tell her I want to go out with her."
"Hm," Zarya said, monotonously.
Seth smirked. "Thanks for the positive reinforcement."
"Well, sorry I don't feel like playing therapist today, okay? Besides, it's not like I don't have problems of my own."
"Zane?" Seth guessed. Zarya scowled and ignored him.
"What's it to you?" She muttered.
"Well, hey," Seth commented, a little jokingly, now. "It's none of my business…"
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"So, tell me, Zane," Riley mused, lazily draping her arms through the gaps between the bars. "Are you guys required to put an exit in your traps? Is there supposed to be a way out for us, or…?"
"I can neither confirm nor deny that," Zane replied, calmly. He was already sitting in a corner, eyes glued to a book.
"Hm." Riley frowned. "Y'know, this isn't very nice, considering I saved your butt from Effie." Zane scowled, but didn't say anything. "Yeah, you would be B-B-Q if I really had decided to take the boat…buy hey, I'm a hero, it's what I do. No thanks necessary." A moment passed by in silence, but it definitely didn't last long. "Sooo…what'cha reading?" Zane, with a sigh, held up the book cover for Riley to see. "Aw, never mind, I can't see the title from here. Maybe you can just read it aloud for me and I'll see if I can guess!"
"Is there a point to this incessant talk, Riley?" Zane asked, setting his book down with a frown.
"Well," Riley replied, "it covered up the noise of Jess picking open the cage's lock."
Click!
Zane, wide-eyed, turned his head to the other end of the cage, where Jess stood, triumphantly.
"And…that's my cue," Zane said, a little nervous now. "Villain exits, stage left." He hurriedly disappeared down to level one.
"Nice job, Jess," Rosetta complimented the prankster.
"Ha, piece of cake," Jess chuckled. "Let's see what's waiting for us on level three, shall we?"
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"And what, pray tell, is waiting for them on level three?" asked Seth.
Zarya shrugged. "More wacky shenanigans. Does it really matter?"
Seth pondered this for a moment. "I guess not…"
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"Aw, dang it," Riley groaned, slapping her forehead.
"Wait; is there something bad about this room?" Long questioned. It didn't seem like it. It was beach-themed, very friendly looking place. Riley just shook her head and pointed to something lying on the ground. It was a blue, metallic circle, about the size of Riley's palm, with a circle engraved in the middle.
"Super Mario Sunshine," she sighed, as she walked over and picked up the blue coin. "We've got nine more blue coins to find."
"And they're all in this room, huh?" Damion mused. He looked around at the fake palm trees. "Where's that Jamaican music coming from?"
"Over here, mon," chuckled Chelsea, lazily tapping on some bongos.
"Huh…I didn't think we'd see you here," Glisa commented.
"Yeah…" Jess agreed, raising an eyebrow. "I figured you'd be in the level that required us to dodge giant fireballs."
Chelsea winked, but surprisingly, didn't even stand up to argue with her enemy. "Don't give me ideas, Skidmore."
"So, every level has some sort of reference to a Mario game?" Rosetta asked.
"What, exactly, did the first level reference?" Aaron asked, confused. "If that was supposed to represent a video game that is definitely not something I'd want to play."
"Meh." Chelsea shrugged. "Let's just say he was modeling the levels that teach you how to play the game."
Riley cracked a grin. "You just made that up, didn't you? You probably just stuck him down on that level and told him to figure it out himself."
Chelsea held a finger up to her lips. "Yeah, maybe. Anyways, your challenge for this level—" she supplied the drum roll herself, "is to find the other nine blue coins while I play…reggae music."
"NO!" Aaron wailed, dropping to his knees. "SPARE US, PLEASE!"
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"Oh, jeez," Seth said, with a wince. "And I thought I had it rough."
"Yeah…" Zarya agreed. She held out two small objects for Seth. "Earplugs? She's gonna be singing, too."
"Thanks, but ah," Seth smiled, awkwardly. "I can't use my hands."
"Oh, yeah." Zarya said. She put her own earplugs in. "Sucks to be you."
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"Oh, hey, I found one on top of the tree," Damion said, throwing a blue coin down to the ground. "And on that note, where in Canada to they sell fake, life-sized palm trees, exactly?"
Chelsea was too busy singing Michael Franti to provide an explanation.
"I believe I see a coin in da kiddy pool," Glisa commented.
"Can you jump in and get it?" Riley asked, who was preoccupied by digging in a sandbox that was in the corner.
"Ah…I would prefer not to."
Riley frowned. "How come?"
A huge shark jumped up from the waters, and disappeared back into the pool.
Riley's eye twitched. "Just how deep is that pool, exactly?"
Glisa blinked down into the pool. "I'm really not sure…"
Aaron laughed, nervously. "Any chance you'll jump in there anyways?"
"NO WAY, COMPADRE!" Glisa shouted, so loudly that everybody jumped. "I've already jumped into shark infested waters once in this show, and dat time was enough para mí!"
"I'll do it…" Long sighed. Glisa was about to protest, but Long already jumped in the law-of-physics-defying kiddy pool. A moment later, Long jumped out of the pool, blue coin in hand, and completely unscathed.
"The shark did not attack you?" Glisa gasped.
"Huh?" Long looked back. "Oh, no…I guess we're cool." It appeared that Long and the shark were, in fact, 'cool', because the shark popped up and gave Long a thumbs up.
"Please, please, please tell me this isn't some metaphor for us jumping the shark," Jess muttered under her breath.
Meanwhile, Rosetta had picked up Chelsea's bongos and cut into the drumheads with a pair of scissors from hammerspace. A blue coin fell out from each drumhead.
"Wow, how'd you guess they'd be in there, Rosetta?" Damion asked.
"How'd I guess what?" Rosetta asked, confused. She looked down at the blue coins. "Oh yeah, the coins. No, I just kind of wanted the reggae music to stop."
Jess gave her a mocking little bow. "And for that, we thank you."
Chelsea shrugged. "It's not like the drums cost me anything. It's sure good we have a great budget in this reality, otherwise we couldn't have all this s—"
"I found one!" Riley declared triumphantly holding up a blue coin. "That makes six."
"We still have four more left to find?" Aaron complained. "Man alive, this must've been irritating to do in the games."
Riley smirked. "Try doing them in every level."
"The door won't open until we get all ten, huh?" Jess asked. Chelsea nodded. Jess smirked, and took out a can of spray paint. "Personally, I've always been a fan of cheat codes."
Chelsea's eyes widened. "You'd better watch yourself, Skidmore…" she looked towards the heroes. "Aren't you guys supposed to be discouraging this?"
"Normally, yes," Rosetta agreed. "But we've got five more levels to go and this has already dragged on for a page and a half."
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"Yes!" Seth grinned. "Nice going, team!"
"They can't hear you," Zarya pointed out.
"Don't you ever yell at the TV when you're watching sports?" Seth asked her, confused.
Zarya looked just as confused. "No…what's the point if they can't hear you?"
Seth wasn't sure how to answer.
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After 'coaxing' out the location of the other blue coins from Chelsea, the heroes went up to the fourth floor.
"WHOA!" Jess dropped to the floor as a barrage of tennis balls shot at her (and unfortunately hit Aaron, behind her).
"Ooh…I'll…protect you Jess…" Aaron said, dizzily. He took a few steps forward and fell down.
"Ha!" Logan smirked, from the opposite side of the room. "Score one for me."
"And, ladies and gentlemen…" Riley said, slowly, as she walked into the room. "The Mario sports room. Although, I don't believe this is really how you're supposed to play tennis."
"Meh, it's more fun when you play by my rules," Logan replied. "Anyways, you might want to stay back—this also doubles as an automatic baseball pitcher."
Long stepped in, looked down at the injured Aaron, frowned, picked a tennis racket up off the ground, and started walking towards Logan. Logan blinked a few times, shrugged, smirked, and turned the machine on again. It shot out a few tennis balls and Long hit them straight back. At Logan's head. Logan swayed a bit, and then fell to the ground.
Long raised an eyebrow, and chuckled quietly. "So, does that mean I win?"
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"Well that was anticlimactic," Seth observed. "But awesome nonetheless! Yeah!" He turned to Zarya. "So, is this room, with you and me, supposed to be 'level eight' for the campers?"
Zarya nodded.
"And how do you plan on holding them off?"
Zarya smirked, but did not reply.
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Once again, as the heroes walked into the door, something was thrown at their heads. As they all let out yells and dropped to the ground, a barrel smashed against the wall above them.
"SERIOUSLY?" Riley shouted. "Of all the possibilities, THIS is what you pick!"
"Oh, come on!" Lacey chuckled. She was standing on the opposite side of the room, but a long ramp led up to the door she stood in front of. And she had many, many barrels beside her. "You have to love the classics!"
"Great, so what do we do now?" asked Damion.
"Can't we just stall her out until she runs out of barrels?" Glisa suggested.
"Yeah, but she's not gonna throw the barrels unless we're walking up the ramp," Long pointed out.
"True," Riley agreed, and then she beamed at the loner. "Hey, you're opening up again!"
"Ah…" Long cleared his throat, awkwardly and looked away.
"Anyways…" Jess said. "Who's up to getting barrels thrown at their head?"
None of the heroes seemed particularly excited for this job.
"I feel like we should get into a triangle shape so she'll have an easier time bowling us down," Rosetta sighed. "Ah, I guess I'll go." And then, muttering to herself, "…killed by barrels…what a way to go…"
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Seth couldn't help but roll his eyes when he saw the caption underneath the screen, as Rosetta began to walk up the ramp. It read:
ROSETTA HAWTHORNE. WORLD 8-5. LIVES: SOON TO BE ZERO.
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"Oh, dis is terrible!" Glisa sighed, shaking her head. "Rosetta will get injured for sure!"
"Ugh," Jess sighed, holding up a still slightly-unconscious Aaron up. "I sure hope not. I don't think we can afford another casualty."
"I wonder where they got all these props, still," Damion mused. "I mean, where do you even find barrels anymore?"
"I've learned not to question this show anymore," Jess chuckled, lightly.
"Just go with the flow," Riley agreed. "I wouldn't be surprised if they managed to managed to make the final room have a floor of lava."
The heroes all glanced at each other, nervously.
"Naaaah…" they said, dismissing the idea.
"Oh, look, Rosetta's up the ramp!" Glisa said excitedly.
And indeed she was.
Rosetta smiled triumphantly, but then seemed to realize the anti-climatic-ness of the situation. She looked straight at the in-universe camera, only to then break the out-universe barrier. "…what? Did you seriously want to read a narration of me going up a ramp?"
"And would you look at that, I'm all out of barrels," Lacey observed.
The two girls awkwardly stood there for a moment.
"Yeah…" Rosetta said.
"So…" Lacey coughed. "I should go now?"
"Probably," Rosetta agreed.
Riley spoke up to the two: "Is any of this supposed to get dramatic soon? At all?"
"Oh, with all the angst going on last chapter, we might as well have a break," Jess commented.
"Good enough for me," Riley mused, with a shrug. "Shall we continue?"
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"…so your attempt was…?" the voice over the phone asked.
"Hopelessly unsuccessful," Lacey admitted. She shrugged. "But hey, you win some, you lose some, you throw some barrels…"
"Ugh. I was hoping that nobody would have to see me in this. Thanks a lot, Lacey."
"Hey, that's what I'm here for," Lacey deadpanned. "Anyways, Chef isn't much better off than you, is he?"
"Yeah, but I think he actually likes the costume."
"And I'm sure your matching one is just as adorable."
"Ohmygawdshutup," Sienna growled, pushing the phrase into one word. "Why didn't you have to wear, like, a monkey costume or something?"
"Because…I'm allergic to…um…" Lacey cleared her throat. "Oh, hey! Going through a tunnel!"
"YOU'RE NOT EVEN IN A CAR!"
Lacey laughed. "Sorry, Sienna. Besides, I'm sure it'll be fine. You guys will stop the heroes and we'll win in no time."
"Hmmph. You better hope so. Oh look, they're here now."
"Good luck!" Lacey said.
"Yeah, yeah." Lacey could tell Sienna was smirking. "Later."
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"ARE YOU TALKING ON YOUR CELL PHONE IN A TIME OF WAR, SOLDIER?" Chef barked, making Sienna jump several feet.
"Uh…uh…" Sienna quickly shoved her phone back into her purse. "No, sir, no way! But, hey, look, heroes! You might want to focus your attention on them now!"
"Okay," Riley sighed, as the heroes made their way into the room. "Who called it? I totally called it."
There was one thin strip of concrete that went from the door the heroes had entered in, to the door that Sienna and Chef stood in front of. To the left and right of the path? Lava. Sienna wore a yellow skirt, yellow leggings, a yellow halter, a handkerchief with a picture of a mouth with very sharp teeth, two metal bracelets, and something on her back that made it look like she had a spiky shell.
Chef wore a similar outfit that thankfully replaced the skirt with pants.
"Heh-heh," Riley chortled. "Bower Jr. and Bowser. Nice. So, the objective must be to get past you guys and get to the axe on the other side, eh?"
"And there ain't nothin' you can do to get past us!" Chef agreed, cracking his knuckles.
"And by us, we mean him," Sienna added, half-heartedly. "And when I say I've got your back, I really mean…I'll be over here." She innocently hid behind Chef.
Long whispered something to Riley that neither Chef, Sienna, nor the heroes could hear. Riley raised an eyebrow, and Long whispered something else. Riley nodded. Long walked away.
"So, any ideas, guys?" Riley asked the heroes.
"Schnitzel…" Aaron slurred, tiredly.
"Uh, I hate to be the cynical one, here," Rosetta observed, "but I think our chances of getting past Chef are…slim to none."
"True, true," Riley agreed. She turned to Chef. "It's a true travesty that we'd be stopped…even before we reached the seventh level. It's a shame that you beat us…by putting Chef in to block our only path to our next door. It's a true indignity…that I forgot my phone so I cannot take a picture of the outfits you are in."
"There's a reason she's talking so much, isn't there," Jess guessed.
"I would agree," Glisa mused.
"But the BIGGEST ignominy—" Riley continued, dramatically.
"She really broke out the thesaurus for this one," Rosetta observed.
"Is that…" Riley continued. "You used…RED JELL-O to create FAKE LAVA."
"What," Jess said, flatly.
"Huh?" Glisa added, bewildered.
"Shoot!" Sienna shouted, just as she turned around to hear Long lift up the axe and shout—
"Got it!"
The bridge crumbled underneath Chef and Sienna's feet and the two fell into the Jell-o below.
The heroes cheered, except for Jess, who sighed:
"Guys? You do realize that we're stuck on the other side of the room with no bridge, right?"
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Zarya chuckled a bit as she watched the irritated heroes swim across the pool of Jell-o to reach the other side.
"They're getting closer," she said. "Maybe you really will get saved by your rescuers."
"Maybe," Seth agreed, as he continued silently undoing the knots in the rope that tied his wrists together.
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"I'm kinda nervous," Riley admitted, before they opened the seventh door, "if they broke out Chef for the sixth level…I can't imagine how difficult seven and eight must be."
"There's been one villain for each level, right?" Rosetta commented. "We only have Zarya and Lola left."
"Ew," Damion said, frowning. "To the latter, not the former, that is."
"I don't know which is in this level," Rosetta continued, "but hey, we've made it this far. Can't stop now, right?"
They pushed opened the door and stepped inside.
The room was dark and eerie. It looked like the inside of some dungeon.
"On second thought," Rosetta said, slowly. "Why quit while you're ahead?" Regardless, the heroes moved on, towards the door, terrified of what the challenge for this room might be. Suddenly, the lights went off completely.
"Are you ready…" whispered a voice, darkly. "For the terrifying…absolutely horrible…mind-destroying…" the heroes shivered, and then grew blank expressions when the voice finished with this, in a suddenly peppy voice: "64th annual Wawanakwa Quiz Games!"
The lights turned back on. Suddenly the room had been transformed into a quiz-show set up. There were flashing, colorful lights, and the heroes were now suddenly standing in front of a booth. Across the room was another booth, labeled 'host'. Cheery theme music had appeared out of nowhere.
"Again," Jess said, flatly. "What."
Lola strode into the room in a red, strapless dress, and high-heels.
"Indeed, ladies and gentlemen," she continued, having been the voice from earlier. "It's time for your favorite part of the show!"
Damion whipped his head around. "Who on Earth are you talking to?"
"I'll be your host," Lola continued, taking her place at the booth, "and you'll be playing for some faaaabulous prizes! Including…your passage to the eight level! All you need to do," she said, now looking at the heroes. "Is answer five…simple…questions."
"Question number one…who was the first damsel in distress Mario rescued?"
"Pauline," Riley answered, after buzzing in. The other heroes glanced at each other and smirked, already sure that they had this in a bag. And for a while, it seemed to be so. It just went back and forth between the ridiculously cheerful Lola and Riley, who seemed perfectly confident:
"Correct! Question two: what was the name of the machine Mario used in Super Mario Sunshine?"
"FLUDD."
"Correct! Question three: What's the name of the boss inside the volcano on Lavalava Island in Paper Mario?"
"Lava Piranha."
"Correct! Question four: what was Mario's original name?"
"Easy. Jumpman."
"Correct! Final question: what is Mario's…last name?"
"Mario's last name is Mario. Apparently. Can we go now?"
"Yes, that was correct," Lola agreed, and suddenly the heroes were feeling a little bit wary of the grin she was sporting, "but don't you want to stay for the bonus round?"
The heroes looked at each other, confused.
"Bonus round?" Glisa echoed.
"Yeah, I've got a whole new set of questions for it…" Lola continued. She filed through a new list of questions, and asked them, rapid fire.
"Question one: who is currently on the island, right now, that isn't supposed to be?" The heroes stared back at her, blankly, except for Riley and Jess, who paled a little bit. "No answer? The correct answer is: Mo and Riley F."
"Wait, what?" Jess looked up, surprised. "Mo's here too?"
"What do you mean, Mo's here too?" Rosetta snapped at her. "You knew Riley was here? Why wouldn't you tell me?"
"Question two," Lola continued, clearly enjoying herself. "Which heroes had a secret alliance earlier in the competition?" Riley grimaced and Lola answered the questions for the heroes. "Correct answer: Riley, Bren, and Seth! Now, who knew about the alliance but didn't tell the others?" She didn't even wait to give them the answer. "Correct answer: Damion. And how did Damion know about the alliance? Answer: from Mo! And for fun: who's had an alliance with Aaron? Answer…Damion!"
Immediately, the heroes burst into a flurry of arguments, and Lola just grinned as she innocently shuffled her deck of questions.
"Game over," she said. "Thanks for playing."
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Zarya shook her head as she watched the heroes continued to fight with each other. "Looks like that's it for your rescue brigade, Seth."
"Yeah, about that…" Seth said, but Zarya jumped when she realized that Seth was right behind her. Seth smiled and dropped the untied rope from his hands. "I kinda thought I'd take things into my own hands. And I'm really, really sorry about this, by the way." He quickly pinched a nerve on Zarya's shoulder that made her go unconscious. Seth caught her before she hit the ground and gently laid her down.
"Yeah, Seth," Seth muttered to himself, still annoyed with the dress, as he opened the door. "You go, girl. Making a stand for damsels in distress everywhere."
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The heroes were still shouting at each other, and Lola was making innocent little comments to spur their anger even further. This continued for a long while, until Seth walked through the doors about as triumphantly as he could when he was wearing a pink dress. Everybody seemed to busy to even notice him. Seth listened in to the fighting for a moment, then scowled, and shouted:
"Guys!"
The heroes turned to look at him.
"We've got bigger problems to worry about," Seth told his team. "One of them being the fact that I am currently in a dress. We need to win this challenge, so let's get going, and we can worry about all that other crap later!"
The heroes certainly didn't seem amiable as they did it, but they indeed began heading out of the building.
"Well, if it's any consolation," Aaron (who had finally come back to his senses) said to Seth. "The dress is rather slimming!"
A vein pulsed in Seth's forehead, but he just sighed, dismissing the whole thing. "Yeah. Thanks, Aaron."
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Chris was waiting for the heroes as they exited the building. The heroes seemed excited for Chris to announce their win, but the host just shook his head and smirked.
"CONFOUND IT ALL!" Jess shouted, dropping down to her knees. "Can't you have us have one shred of happiness, man?"
"Sorry, heroes," Chris told them, not looking very sorry at all. "But I said that the challenge was for the heroes to rescue Seth. And Seth rescued himself."
"That's your big loophole?" Rosetta shouted. "That's a load of bull-crap!"
"Them's the rules," Chris replied, with an innocent shrug. "See you angst-ridden teens at the elimination ceremony…tonight!"
"Wait!" Jess shouted. "Chris! Riley F. and Mo are still on the island!"
"Well, duh," Chris said, smiling evilly.
"Wait…you knew that already?" Glisa asked him.
"Of course," Chris replied. He laughed as he walked away from the heroes. "I figured that out quite a while ago. Where you do you think Lola got her scoop?" The heroes glared at him as he left.
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"All right…" Rosetta muttered, stalking through the forest. She cupped her hands over her mouth. "Riley, I know you're out here! Get out here!"
"When you're looking like you're gonna kill me, armed with nothing but a stick? I think I'll stay up here for a while, thanks."
Scowling, Rosetta looked up. Riley F. was sitting on a branch high up ahead of her. Riley smiled, awkwardly.
"Hey," he said, with a weak little wave.
"I'm not a bear," Rosetta pointed out, dully. "I can climb up there, just as easily as you can."
Riley shrugged. "It was worth a shot." Rosetta, with an aggravated sigh, climbed up the tree and sat next to Riley. The two of them were silent for a while.
"Why'd you come back, Riley?" Rosetta asked, finally.
Riley looked down at the ground. "I couldn't take it anymore."
Rosetta raised an eyebrow. "Take what anymore?"
"Knowing that the last thing you were ever gonna know me as was a jerk who broke up with you even though he was so idiotically wrong."
"Riley, you can't fix what you did," Rosetta snapped. "You seriously screwed up."
Riley nodded. "I know." He closed his eyes, and shook his head. "I know...I apologized to Bren. Multiple times. I believe there was a musical number involved." Rosetta raised an eyebrow. "Craaaazy stuff over there in the Playa des Losers. Anywho, I missed you. I miss when you were the no-nonsense teammate yelling at me for screwing up, and I was the smart-ass trying to woo you over."
"This show seems to have a way with screwing everything up," Rosetta observed, dryly.
"Yeah, that would be Chris's art," Riley agreed. "He'd get the Teletubbies throwing punches at each other in no time at all."
"But dude," Rosetta sighed. "You can't blame this all on the show. You made a stupid choice, and you actually hurt someone because of it. And not just Bren, I mean, you really hurt me too. And you can't make everything okay in a nice thirty-minute segment. It's not that easy."
"Well, then," Riley said, with a small smile. He held out his hand. "What if I told you I'd be willing to do anything to get your trust back?"
Rosetta raised an eyebrow, but smiled back, just a little bit.
She took Riley's hand.
"It's a start," she said.
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The heroes gathered around the campfire to await their results, many of them glaring at each other, suspiciously.
"Greetings!" Chris chuckled, walking towards the light of the fire. "And welcome to…someone's imminent doom. Let's get this show on the road—by the way, all of the ex-campers are off the island, now." Damion widened his eyes in surprise. "At least…I'm pretty sure." Damion soon after rolled his eyes, and Chris continued: "The safe campers today are…Glisa, Jess, Aaron, Damion, Riley, and Long."
Rosetta and Seth glanced at each other, briefly, before glancing back at Chris.
"Seth and Rosetta…the final marshmallow goes to…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…Seth."
Seth caught it, relieved, and Rosetta just smiled and stood up.
"It's cool," she said, breezily. She turned around to the other heroes. "And, you guys? Keep this in mind." She grinned. "The more you actually get along, the more pissed off Chris will get." She turned around and waved all her shoulder. "Good luck, guys…"
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"I can't believe it," Seth sighed, leaning over the railing. Riley stood next to him, leaving over it as well. "I can't believe Lola just blabbed all those secrets like that…and I can't believe I almost lost the challenge for us today!"
Riley smiled. "Oh, I don't know…" she said. "I thought the way you did it was pretty cool." She kissed Seth on the cheek, making the karate kid blush bright red. "See you tomorrow, Seth," she said, as she retreated back to her cabin.
Seth just replied something like: "Ugh gah guh…"
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(Confession Cam: Rosetta's final words)
Rosetta—(She just smiles.) "Not a bad go, I'd say. Later, Wawanakwa, see you never."
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Elsewhere:
"Everything prepped?"
"Y-y-yeah. The sleigh is all ready to go."
"MAGNIFICENT! We shall go to Wawanakwa at dusk!"
"But we have about another two weeks b-before the next challenge…"
"THEN WE SHALL GO IN A FORTNIGHT!"
"But, um, that's not what the word 'fortnight'—"
"Just let it go, dude," Lou suggested, smirking at Harper. Harper shrugged, feebly.
"All right," he said. "Um, anything else you need, Hazel?"
"Yes! Go and buy me a root-beer!"
"…what? A root-beer? We live in some unspecified island in the middle of nowhere!"
"Irrelevant!" Hazel boomed in response. "Leave at once!" Harper sighed and did as he was told. Hazel grinned as she turned to her fellow pirates as she hopped on top of the enormous sled they had constructed. "Ladies…and Harper…I am proud to say that…we shall make this the best Christmas Wawanakwa's never had!"
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(A.N.) And so you have it! This was an odd chapter! I left some ends open but that's just how I roll. And yes, the ending made it pretty obvious what next chapter's theme is, and ideally, the chapter would be out before Christmas, but that would probably take a miracle.
A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE, perhaps…?
Anyways, thanks to Sonowa for giving me the "grab-the-axe" sub-challenge. That's all. Thanks for reading and please review if you get the chance!
Eliminated list: Laura, Demi, Isaac, Riley F, Mo, Kit-Kat, Bren, Jack, Rosetta